


In Full Bloom

by imawarlock



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Blow Jobs, Frottage, Hand Jobs, M/M, Masturbation, Pining, Slow Burn, Strong Descriptions of Anxiety
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-30
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-04-28 23:39:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 245,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5109710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imawarlock/pseuds/imawarlock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or what happens when Levi, a lonely shut-in with too much money, learns to live again with help from his handsome gardener.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_I should hire someone for this shit._ Levi thought to himself, as he helped a small child apply sunscreen in the backyard by his in-ground pool.

The kid’s name was Eren, and he was 7. He was friends with Levi’s distant cousin Mikasa, aged 8, who was the only family that Levi still had - or at least, that he could stand. As such, Levi often let her come over and swim with her friends in his huge pool during the summer, because as much as he groused to himself about having to babysit, in truth, he actually didn’t mind the company.

Mikasa, Eren, and their other tagalong friend Armin were just kids, but Levi lived alone in his very large mansion and only left a few times a year. He didn’t have guests other than those three, and besides his friend Hange who he only talked to online because they lived on the other side of the world, he rarely had any other visitors besides his gardener.

It was nice to just have someone in his house while they were there, to hear the kids splashing around outside and laughing happily while they played in the pool. Levi would never admit it out loud, but he enjoyed taking care of them for the day too, and sometimes even found himself secretly looking forward to their next visit after they had left.

Besides, he reasoned, he didn’t use the damn pool, so if they weren’t going to swim there who would?

“Alright, brat.” He said lightheartedly, rubbing in the last glob of sunscreen on Eren’s cheeks before releasing him. “Go swim.”

Eren grinned happily and scampered across the patio for the pool, slowing only marginally after Levi shouted at him to stop running before he cannonballed into the water. Mikasa and Armin were already inside, and both were splashed to differing degrees. Mikasa only got a little bit to her back, but poor Armin in his floaties got the brunt of it, a huge wave of pool water hitting him in the face and drenching his hair as he shrieked.

“Eren!” He wailed, rubbing at his eyes with one hand once his friend had surfaced.

Nearby, Mikasa threw water in Eren's face as revenge, and Levi sat down at his patio table with his laptop, large brimmed hat, and ice cold drink, ready to relax and keep an eye on the kids at the same time as they played. The sounds of them having fun were soon background noise to him as he browsed the internet though, looking for something quick that he could make them for lunch in a few hours.

That was their second favorite part of the day Mikasa had once told him, because Levi was a good cook and even if he only made them grilled peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, it was always better than anything they would have had at home.

Soon, though, their fun was interrupted after only an hour, and with it, Levi’s current calm mood. As he was reading, the sound of the kid’s playing suddenly stopped, and it was the silence that made him look up just as he heard Armin’s tiny, concern filled voice reaching across the patio for him.

“Um...Mr. Levi?” He started, just as Levi was standing up to hurry his way over, his heart skipping a beat from the abrupt fear he felt that something bad had happened to one of them. “Why does the pool smell weird? I think something is wrong with the chemicals.”

He spoke without confidence, but Levi knew that he must be right. Armin was the youngest of the three friends - only 5 years old and quite small - but he was already smarter than Eren and Mikasa, observant and bright enough for Levi to believe him before he even reached the pool, and to feel a bit of relief because at least none of them were fucking drowning.

That didn’t mean he wasn’t hit with concern all over again when he bent down toward the water to investigate, his nose immediately assaulted by a horrible, stinking smell. It was like the pool was filled with rotten eggs or something, and he grimaced, but then froze a second later when he realized what it was: sulfur.

Suddenly, Levi’s eyes went wide and his heart started to pound as he glanced toward the kids in the water, all three of them bobbing up and down in the deep end of the pool. Anxiety lit up inside his belly almost faster than he could control it, the cold beginnings of panic making his heart nearly stop in fear and causing his head to spin.

Within seconds, his thoughts began to get away from him. Why the fuck did the water smell like sulfur? That wasn’t normal, and what if it was poisonous now? Was it because of the chemical balance or something? What if it had already been fucked up when the kids got in? If they had swallowed any they could be in danger, and visions of them getting sick, of Levi having to call an ambulance and more people being hurt that he was supposed to be responsible for filled his mind, causing him to nearly freeze in terror.

 _No_. He thought though, forcing himself to breathe in through his nose and out of his mouth like he'd learned, he would not let anything like that happen, not ever again. He’d sworn it, and he had to calm down. He couldn’t lose his shit now like this, not when the kids needed instruction.

“Get out. Right now.” He blurted immediately once he had control of himself, striding forward to help Armin climb over the edge of the pool as Mikasa and Eren scrambled up the ladder. “Are you okay? You didn't swallow any of that shitty water, did you?"

Levi addressed all three of them with his question, but bent so that he could look Armin in the eye because he was the closest. He put his palm to his wet forehead more out of instinct than anything else, and then looked at his eyes and skin almost frantically, only taking his gaze off him when he seemed to be fine. The others were the same, and no one had swallowed any water, they told him, all of their eyes just simply a bit wide and their expressions bewildered from Levi’s extreme reaction.

Satisfied that they weren't dying right then, Levi felt marginally better, or at least, over his near panic attack, and instead turned his attention on locating the gardener so he could find out what the hell was going on and verify that they’d be okay.

"Mikasa.” He said, taking a deep breath and standing up. Vaguely, he realized that his hands were shaking from the intensity of the last minute or so, and crossed his arms so that the kids wouldn't notice. “Take Eren and Armin onto the porch and don't get back in the pool. I’m going to find the gardener and then I’ll be back.”

Levi waited until Mikasa nodded at his instructions, sure that she would comply because she was old and mature enough, before he turned, making his way briskly down the patio to find the bald old bastard who watered his plants. He didn’t just do that, though, he took care of Levi’s pool too, or at least, he was supposed to. Clearly something had gone wrong with the chemical balance because this had never happened before, and as far as Levi was concerned, it was his fault.

“Hey!” He said loudly, the remnants of his alarm causing him to stride right up to the man once he caught sight of him pruning a bush across the yard.

"Oh, Mr. Ackerman, I didn't hear-" The man - his name was Shadis - started, turning around when Levi came up behind him in a whirlwind.

He didn't get a chance to finish his sentence before Levi reached him, however, resisting the urge to reach up and jerk him down to eye level. "What the fuck did you do to my pool?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, the water smells like shit. There were kids swimming in there, you fucking idiot!"

"Like shit?” Shadis repeated, looking confused and setting down his hedge clippers.

“Like sulfur.” Levi said, his voice growing quiet and serious.

He watched as a look of understanding crossed Shadis’ face, and decided that when he didn’t look abruptly panicked, the kids weren’t in danger. However, that just caused his concern to shift  into anger, because what if they had been? Something was still wrong with his pool, and what if it had been much worse? The kids could have gotten hurt or even fucking died, and if that had happened it would’ve been Levi’s fault. Yeah, sure, the gardener was the one who took care of the pool, but he worked for Levi, and Levi was responsible for everything that happened here on his property in the end. He was the one watching them, and he knew that if he were to lose anyone else like that again, then, well, this time he didn’t think he’d be able to get over it or forgive himself.

“It’s probably just a mineral imbalance.” Shadis said in his gruff voice, looking towards the pool and rubbing his ugly beard. “Nothing that will hurt the kids, but I’ll take a sample with me and run it by the-”

“No.” Levi blurted loudly, restraining the urge to grab the man and shake him for his stupidity. “Fuck that. You’re fired. Get off my lawn, you idiotic bastard!”

With that, Levi whirled around, half in a rage and with his fists clenched at his side. He’d seen Shadis’ look of shock and speechlessness before though, and wasn’t surprised when as he walked off, the man started yelling after him.

“Mr. Ackerman!” He said, confusion lacing his tone. “It’s nothing major, it can be fixed, I-”

He stopped when it became clear that Levi was ignoring him because he continued to make his way back across the lawn toward the patio, and that was when he saw Mikasa and the others staring at him from the porch with wide eyes and shocked expressions.

 _Shit,_ they’d seen his outburst. He hadn’t intended for that to happen - hell, he hadn’t even intended to lose it like that either - and he could tell just from their faces that they were a little freaked out. As Levi got closer he saw that Armin even looked like he was about to cry, and he forced his face to soften even as more curses ran through his mind at the sight.

He understood why they seemed taken aback. Normally, he was calm even when angry, and had never yelled like that at anyone in front of them. He’d lost control of himself, and although it was rare for that to happen these days, it was because of the kids themselves that he had, or rather, his fears about their safety. Putting them in danger in anyway whatsoever was inexcusable to him, and although it didn’t seem like it was directly the gardener's fault, Levi didn’t care. The fact that he’d let the minerals or whatever the fuck he’d said get like that in the first place was bullshit, and if the gardener was going to take care of the pool where the kids swam, Levi needed someone who knew what they were doing.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Levi said as gently as he could as he approached the porch, biting his lip at the increasingly troubled expression on Armin’s face. “Nothing was wrong with the water. It just smells like sh- it just smells bad. I don’t think there will be anymore swimming today.”

“Why did you fire that man?” Armin asked, gazing behind Levi with a frown, presumably at Shadis who was hopefully gathering his shit and getting the fuck out of there.

“Because he didn’t take care of the pool like he was supposed to. That’s his job. He messed up the water and that’s why it smells. If it had been worse, it might’ve hurt you.”

“Was it an accident?” Armin said then, his innocent tone causing Levi to frown.

Yes, he supposed, it had been an accident. Shadis hadn’t done this on purpose, but that didn’t excuse him automatically in Levi’s book. This was his job as he’d said, and when Levi had hired him, he was pretty sure that experience with pool chemicals had been a requirement on the position description. If it had been a mistake to one of his plants he might have been more forgiving, but in his opinion, it was too serious. Unfortunately, though, Armin’s age prevented him from understanding those types of things, and Levi didn’t know how to explain it to him. Besides, he thought, he wasn’t the kid’s dad.

“Don’t worry about it.” He said simply, deflecting and trying not to feel guilty for upsetting the kids. He reached out to ruffle Armin’s hair and then Eren’s beside him at the same time, hoping that it would make them stop looking at him like he was about to scream again. Eren actually looked a bit awed rather than upset though, and Mikasa simply looked annoyed. Levi wasn’t sure which of the three emotions were better, and decided that it was time for an early lunch to distract them all. “Dry off and I’ll make you lunch inside, how does that sound? After that we can have ice cream.”

Unsurprisingly, the promise of a frozen treat did the trick almost immediately, and Levi felt a bit better when he saw Armin’s and Eren’s eyes light up. Mikasa even smiled a little despite her tendency to be as unimpressed at everything as Levi was, and together the three kids went to fetch their towels.

They were still wet from the pool, and their bathing suits smelled a bit, Levi realized, wrinkling his nose once they all walked into his house. They were going to have to change before eating and relinquish their swimsuits, but it didn’t matter because they weren’t going to be spending anymore time in the pool anyway that day.

Levi instructed them to go put their clothes back on while he went into the kitchen to start lunch. He’d decided to make chicken fingers and fries - homemade, of course - while he’d been outside, and got to work, sitting the kids down in front of one of his huge televisions in the next room to entertain them while he cooked. They all ate heartily and enjoyed their ice cream when it was done, and watched movies for the rest of the day afterward until Mikasa’s dad came to pick them all up.

“Uncle Levi fired the gardener.” Mikasa told him matter-of-factly when he asked if they had fun as they exited Levi’s house, causing him to frown on his doorstep. “He called him a bastard.”

 _God dammit._ Levi thought, irritated even though he knew Mikasa wasn’t telling to tattle on him. She was just relaying the day’s events to her father, but her father wasn’t someone Levi got along with. He didn’t really have anything against him, but, well, Levi’s side of the family had always been the black sheep of their clan so to speak, and his living relatives’ opinion of him hadn’t improved much when he’d been the one to inherit all their great-grandfather’s money.

Basically, Mikasa’s father was always looking for a reason to shit on him, and his daughter had just unwillingly given him one.

“You know the only reason I bring her over here is because of her mother.” He said once the kids were walking to the car and out of earshot, glaring at Levi. “She doesn’t understand what a bunch of deadbeats your side of the family was. You’re no better than any of them after what happened, and I’ll never understand why Grandpa left all of his money to someone like you.”

Levi rolled his eyes at the insults; he’d heard it all before. Even so, he couldn’t help but be a little annoyed because it wasn’t like he hadn’t fired the gardener for a good reason. He’d done it to protect Mikasa and her friends, which was ironic because Levi’s past seemed to make her father trust him less. There was no point in trying to explain his reasoning to him though, and anyway, he didn’t want to give him an excuse to think they weren’t safe there. Then he wouldn’t let them come over anymore, and Levi would really be alone.

“Shove it up your ass.” He just said simply, stepping back to slam his door in the man’s face.

Then, he waited until he heard him drive away before going out into his backyard to verify that Shadis had indeed cleared out, taking all of his gardening tools and his car with him too.

 _Good._ Levi thought, because he didn’t want to deal with the man begging for his job back or anything like that. Afterward he walked onto the patio so he could take a look at his pool, frowning when he got closer and realized the stink had gotten even stronger. Now he could smell it from yards away, and the water had also turned a weird green color that just made it all look disgusting and filthy.

It was supposed to be crystal fucking clear, but now it was cloudy, and Levi again felt a flash of anger at what had happened, perpetuated by his fear of something hurting the kids. He was too paranoid for them to be able to swim again until he fixed this problem, he knew, and with a sigh, he decided to go inside and look up a pool specialist on his computer.

Really, that wasn’t the main issue though. He was confident that he could find someone to fix this, but after his firing of Shadis, he had something else to deal with: he was going to have to hire a new gardener. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit, Levi thought. Had he accidentally hired a model to be his gardener?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :) I haven't updated this fic in a while because I kind of got stuck on it after I posted the first chapter. Then I got distracted by other fics (whoops), but I don't want to give it up because I'm still fond of the idea/premise. Also, I hated the title and have now changed it for the third time, and I can only hope that since this story has technically just started that no one noticed. Although, thank you to everyone who has left kudos and commented so far!

_ Private gardener/pool manager needed for large scale residence. MUST have prior experience in pool maintenance and chemical balance, and must be able to handle the following:  _

  * __Turf and garden maintenance, irrigation, minor landscaping if needed.__


  * _Operating and maintaining all landscaping equipment._


  * _Applying pest management and plant nutrition programs._


  * _Ordering and maintaining plant stock._


  * _Don’t kill my plants._


  * _Do_ _NOT_ _fuck up my pool._



_ how does that sound?  _ Levi asked Hange, copying the ad he’d cobbled together from examples on Google and pasting it to them on Skype. 

It was for his new gardener, as a week had passed since he’d fired Shadis and his plants were starting to look like shit. He’d watered them himself once, but other than that, he didn’t know how to deal with them and the pool needed to be kept up with too. A guy had come out and fixed the mineral problem and installed a new filter, and after running new water through it with the garden hose everything was back to normal. It didn’t smell anymore, but the last thing Levi wanted was for it to happen again because of neglect, especially since the bill had cost him an arm and a fucking leg. Not that the amount dented the millions in his bank account, but he’d never been able to get used to unnecessary spending after his rough childhood.

_ are you trying to scare people off, or hire someone? the last part sounds kind of harsh. _ Hange sent back, causing Levi’s eyes to roll before they added:  _ other than that, i guess it’s not scary. i’d work for you, levi! _

Immediately, Levi typed his response.  _ i don’t care if it sounds harsh. maybe that way i won’t attract any fucking idiots like the last guy. _

_ :(((  _ Hange said.  _ don’t you feel a little bad for firing him? _

_ i’m pretty sure i’d feel worse if something had happened to the kids. _

_ don't you think you overreacted? maybe just a little? _

At that, Levi slumped down onto his couch, gritting his teeth at Hange’s response and glaring at his laptop screen. Yes, after he'd had some time to reflect he  _ did  _ think he had overreacted. If he'd been able to think about it he probably wouldn't have fired Shadis on the spot like that, but he didn't and it was just...complicated. His past traumas had reared their ugly heads again and gotten the better of him, and although he felt a little guilty, it was mostly frustration at himself. Either way, though, it was done and there was nothing he could do about it, so there was no longer any point to him having this conversation with Hange. 

_ just tell me if it makes sense or not. _ He typed after a moment, chewing on his bottom lip while waiting for Hange to respond.  _ my fucking plants are dying. _

_ it makes sense, i understand it, you’re good to go! _

Great. That was all he needed to know.

With Hange’s approval, Levi submitted the position opening on several websites - the same ones he’d used when he found Shadis - and waited. Two days later, he already had dozens of responses, but most of them were bullshit. Half of the applicants didn’t even meet the minimal qualifications and had no experience, or only knew how to handle pools or plants and not both. Most of the remainder were either too young or too old - as if he was going to hire a teenager or an elderly man, no offense to old people - and that left him with just a small handful of actual possible candidates. 

There were three, in fact, and he hoped one of them would work, as his rose bushes were starting to wilt and he was running out of time. After talking to the first two he learned that neither of them could start right away though, and that just left him with one more: some guy named Erwin Smith.

He was 22, fairly young, but with a more impressive resume than the others Levi had narrowed it down to. It was well written for someone his age and sounded very professional considering that it was being submitted for a gardening job, and he had the necessary experience that Levi wanted. He’d worked as the maintenance employee for his hometown’s local pool as a teenager, and knew how to care for an entire list of exotic plants that let Levi know that his begonias, oak trees, and hedges likely wouldn’t be a problem for him.

The only issue he had with him was his age. Levi was 34, but certainly hadn’t forgotten how much of a reckless idiot he’d been in his early twenties. He’d gotten in a lot of trouble and hadn't straightened up until it was too late, and the last thing he needed was this kid acting up or being irresponsible on his property. His resume seemed to actually suggest that he was anything but immature, however, but Levi couldn't know that for sure until he met him. 

_ I got your application.  _ Levi emailed him anyway when he decided he had nothing to lose, just to see what he would say.  _ When can you start? _

Surprisingly, he got an answer back very fast.  _ I can start tomorrow, if you need me.  _

Levi paused after that, setting the tablet he'd been using down on his dining room table. He was eating dinner - spinach and cheese stuffed chicken breasts and truffle mashed potatoes that he'd made - and thought about it while he finished up his meal. This guy was his last option if he wanted his plants to survive the week, and although Levi still couldn't be sure that he'd work out, he didn't see any reason why he couldn't give him a try. At the very least, he could tell him to come over tomorrow and meet him, and let him do some yard work for the day just to see how it went. If he didn't like him or he fucked something up, Levi could always keep looking and get rid of him when he found a replacement. 

_ I do. _ Levi sent back, tapping away on his tablet. The sound of the keys clicking echoed about his empty dining room as he continued, telling the guy what time to be there and how much money he was willing to give him. It was a big amount, he knew - Levi didn’t mind paying well because the gardener was the only staff he had, really - and of course, the man accepted it. Then Levi gave him his address and told him to be there at 10:00 AM the next day, and that was that. 

_I look forward to meeting you, Mr. Ackerman._ _Thank you for the opportunity._ Was the email Levi received a few minutes later though, which made him raise an eyebrow. If Erwin was a young idiot, he thought, at least he seemed to be a polite young idiot. Unfortunately for him though, Levi just wasn't interested in small talk with someone he barely knew, and he didn't reply in favor of finishing his dinner and cleaning up, gathering his empty plate, his glass, and his silverware. He left the dining room and turned the lights out behind him, leaving it in the dark, and went upstairs to go to bed.

The next morning he found himself awakened by a loud chiming sound - his doorbell, he realized, echoing throughout the house noisily. It caused him to groan and roll over, poking his head out of his warm pile of blankets to see what time it was. It turned out that it was 7:30, and Levi glared at the clock. Who the fuck was at his door at 7:30 in the morning? He hadn’t told the gardener to show up until 10, and his package delivery service didn’t arrive until the afternoon.

Crawling out from underneath his covers when he heard the bell again, Levi cursed colorfully and fumbled for his phone on the bedside table. It was the closest device he had near him, and with it he was able to check his cameras. He had them all over the outside of his house and at the base of his drive, and after pulling up the view of the front door he indeed saw someone standing there. It was a tall blonde man - all he could see was the top of his head - and he was dressed in a t-shirt and jeans. He had gloves in his back pocket too, and a tool belt fastened around his waist. Was  _ he  _ the gardener? Was he really fucking early? 

Huffing irritably, Levi realized he had no choice: he had to get up. He wasn't a morning person and he was warm under his fluffy blankets, and he normally didn’t wake up until at least 9. Nevertheless, he extricated himself from his bed and rubbed his eyes, pulling a robe on over his pajama bottoms and making the trek from his room to the entrance of his house. He was still half asleep by the time he made it, but irritated enough to swing open the door ready to chew this kid out for getting there so unnecessarily early. What was his deal? Had he fucking forgotten what time Levi had told him to be there? Either way, whatever he had been about to say died when he laid eyes on the man on his doorstep, because suddenly, Levi was very much wide awake. 

_ Holy shit. _ He thought. Had he accidentally hired a model to be his gardener? 

Now that he was viewing him up close instead of through his cameras, Levi could see him from the front, and was immediately caught off guard by a pair of clear, striking blue eyes that fixed upon him when he opened the door. They were set on a face that was somehow both handsome and pretty at the same time, his features halfway between losing the very last soft edges of youth and turning into the rugged ones of a grown man. 

He had high, prominent cheekbones, full lips, and neatly trimmed, thick blonde hair, all of it on top of a pair of square shoulders and supported by long, long legs. All in all, he was far more attractive than anyone had the right to be at age 22 - even if he hadn’t grown into his eyebrows yet, Levi thought - and the wide, friendly smile he'd greeted Levi with was so dazzling that it actually made his heart skip a beat.

After several seconds, however, it faded because Levi had not said anything, and the shift in his demeanor made Levi realize that he had been staring and suddenly get ahold of himself.

“Ah...good morning." The gardener spoke then, a noticeable tone of uncertainty in his voice while Levi straightened, flushed, and fastened his robe. It seemed like an appropriate thing to do considering he was half naked, and he averted his eyes toward the ground while he mentally scolded himself. What the hell was he doing? This wasn't some guy he'd seen at a bar downtown - not that he'd been to one in years - it was just some college aged brat that he'd been checking out, and Levi felt a little overwhelmed that he'd been caught off guard enough by someone that young to forget himself. "I'm Erwin Smith. Are you Mr. Ackerman?”

"Yeah." Levi said, adopting a scowl before he glanced back up at him, as if to shield himself from his good looks. Behind Erwin, the rising sun glinted and immediately made Levi squint, reminding him of the time and of what he was doing down there right then in the first place. Right, he recalled, he’d been woken up by this idiot, and he was annoyed at him,  _ not  _ flustered. "What are you doing here? It's 7:30 in the fucking morning. I thought I told you to be here at 10." 

“Oh.” Erwin said, his face visibly falling quite a bit. “I’m sorry. I know you said 10, but I wanted to take a look around the yard before I got started to see what kinds of plants you have.”

Levi made a face at that, crossing his arms and considering Erwin’s explanation. He didn’t really see why Erwin couldn’t have done that when he got there at 10, but maybe he thought getting there early would make a good impression upon Levi on his first day. Instead, it had pissed him off by waking him up, but Levi supposed he couldn’t yell at him for trying to do a good job. It was more than he’d expected considering his age, because Levi had assumed he would be late rather than early. Regardless, it hopefully meant he would be a decent gardener, so in the end he just shrugged and then nodded, finding that he didn’t have the heart to stay irritated at Erwin even though he hadn’t followed his instructions - as long as it didn't happen again, anyway. 

"Fine.” Levi said simply after a moment, stepping back inside his house.“But after this, I don’t want to be woken up at 7:30 AM again, got it?”

“Understood.” Erwin said, nodding his head in emphasis. 

“Just take care of the plants on your own, and don’t fuck them up. And don’t forget the pool, either. If something goes wrong with the water, you’re fired.”

“Of course. I won’t let that happen, I promise. And I’m sorry again for waking you up, Mr. Ackerman.” 

Erwin gave him a small, hopeful smile with that - the corners of his lips dimpling the tiny bit of baby fat that was left on his cheeks - and actually tipped his head down in a small bow. The gesture made Levi’s eyes widen as he froze in a stare all over again, caught up in the charm of it and how Erwin’s eyes lit up. Then he scowled though, because what the fuck? He was too old to be getting taken aback by some kid, and this was the second time he'd nearly made a fool of himself by almost getting caught staring. Suddenly irritated, he shook his head and stepped backwards inside, shutting the door in Erwin’s face without saying another word. 

It was rude, but whatever. Levi was Erwin’s boss, and he certainly wasn’t obligated to be nice to him. Pushing the encounter from his mind with that logic, Levi let out the yawn he’d been struggling to hold back on his porch. His eyes were still burning from being awakened so early and he was tired, but now that he was up there wasn’t much point in going back to sleep. What he really wanted was a cup of tea, so with that thought he made his way into his kitchen and pantry, picking out the strongest blend he had from his ceiling-to-floor length wall of options.

Collecting tea was something of a hobby of his - he had to have at least a few or he’d lose his mind - and over the years he’d gathered quite a large and varied supply from placing orders over the internet. Some of the blends he ended up not liking, of course, but he never threw them out, and instead just left them stored in his pantry with the others as if it was some kind of display. Every so often he would take the time to rearrange his collection, but it was always kept neat and orderly so that he could find what he was looking for quickly. 

He did so this time, grabbing the one he wanted immediately before he went back into the kitchen to boil some water, finally feeling better and more awake after he’d had a few cups. He ate some leftover frittata he’d made a few days prior for breakfast too while checking a few things on his tablet and confirming his next grocery delivery, and then decided that he might as well get started on his chores.

That was what he did most days: clean. Although he lived alone, his house was large and multi-storied and Levi did not have a maid. He liked doing it himself, and, well, didn’t trust anyone else enough to do the job like he did with the garden. Outside of his house was a different story, but he didn’t want someone inside with him all the time cleaning, nor did he want to spend the money when he could just do it himself. Besides, he had to occupy his time in there somehow given he didn’t work or go out really, and luckily his place was big enough so that he could space it out and do a little bit each and every day.

He’d long ago come up with a schedule that he went through during the week, and he didn’t even have to check it to know that today was the day he cleaned the left wing of the upstairs. He had a long day of vacuuming, dusting, and sweeping ahead of him, and was busy enough so that he didn’t think about the new gardener much, if at all. Not that he had a reason to or anything like that, but he had been briefly worried that Erwin would continue to bother him throughout the day while he was trying to work. If he did because he had questions, Levi couldn’t reasonably get mad at him for that considering it was his first day, he supposed, but he didn’t want to be interrupted by him over and over again either. 

His hopes were that Erwin would see the plants and not need him because he was experienced and knew what to do, and that the same thing would apply to his pool. Levi thought that should be the case given what his resume had said, and luckily, it must have been because Levi wasn’t bothered by him until the end of the day, and he did not cross his mind again until Levi glimpsed him once out the window during the afternoon. He’d been dusting his curtains and pushed them aside, only to find himself stopping when he caught sight of Erwin trimming a tree branch in his backyard. He was working diligently, Levi saw, noting the observation with pleasure, only pausing once to wipe sweat off his brow with his forearm a moment later.

The motion caused Levi’s attention to linger before he even knew what he was doing, because Erwin was close enough for him to glimpse the bulge of his bicep when he moved. He almost couldn’t help but notice it because it was so fucking big, but it only took another second for him to scowl and avert his eyes because he had no business continuing to eye Erwin like he was a piece of meat, and Levi had thought he'd kicked this urge in the bucket that morning. Erwin was good looking, so what? He was Levi’s employee and he was also a kid, much younger than him and at a different point in his life, and probably reckless, immature, and messy, and not to mention a slew of other things that Levi considered to be decidedly unattractive and unappealing at his age. 

Even with that in mind he almost unconsciously made sure to avoid windows though, not wanting to spot Erwin again and find himself gawking before he could help it. He was successful until sunset when after he’d finished cleaning and taken a shower, he heard his bell ringing again. When he trudged to his front porch to answer it, Erwin was there like before, only this time instead of greeting Levi with a friendly smile he looked a little hesitant. It was probably because Levi had basically slammed the door in his face earlier, and thinking about it again, he felt a little bad. 

“Yeah?” Levi said tentatively though, not sure what else to say as he poked his head out from behind the cracked door. 

Although it still wasn’t the friendliest greeting in the world, Erwin seemed to take it as a sign that Levi wasn’t going to yell at him again. He straightened up, making it impossible for Levi not to notice how much he towered over him, and spoke. “I just wanted to make sure it was alright if I left my tools in your shed out back. It didn’t look like anyone had used it in a while.” 

Levi blinked, recalling that Shadis had not used the tool shed when he’d worked there, and that it had sat empty for a number of years as a result. Levi didn’t go out there and didn’t even want to know how many fucking spider webs were inside of it, but he saw no reason as to why Erwin couldn’t keep his shit there on his property as long as he kept it straight.

“Yeah.” Levi answered after a brief moment of consideration, eyeballing Erwin who was watching him carefully. He was probably wondering why he was just peeking around the doorframe like a weirdo, but he found that Erwin’s intense gaze was making it increasingly harder for him to think, and standing like this felt like some sort of shield. “Just keep it clean. I don’t like messes.”

“I understand. Thank you, Mr. Ackerman. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Erwin said politely, finally giving Levi the smile that he’d felt had been bubbling just below the surface of his face the entire time. 

It dimpled his cheeks again like before and Levi couldn’t help but notice it, his stomach flipping as he froze. He had the sudden urge to say something back, and opened his mouth almost on reflex as if to speak. Then though, he stopped, because what did he say? He didn’t know, and now Erwin was looking at him funny and the silence had stretched on long enough for things to feel awkward. That, in turn, made Levi feel embarrassed and caused him to grimace irritably like he had that morning, muttering a muffled goodbye before he ducked back inside and shut the door quickly. 

Again, he felt bad. He hadn’t been as rude to the kid as he had that morning, but he hadn’t been polite either, and Erwin was just trying to be friendly to him like he had that morning. The problem was he didn’t know how to answer because he was shit at things like that, but why should he care? Why did he feel guilty about it? Erwin wasn’t Levi’s friend, he was his employee, and he was there to work. Shaking those thoughts out of his mind like he had that morning, Levi pretended to ignore the sounds of Erwin climbing into his car and driving off outside in favor of heading into his kitchen to start dinner. He was hungry after his day of cleaning, and was now looking forward to spending some time doing the thing that he enjoyed the most: cooking.

Cooking was another one of his hobbies, and the one that he’d thrown himself into after the accident. It had helped him find himself again when he’d been so strongly affected by grief, and discovering that he was actually good at it had done a lot when he’d needed something to focus on so that he could pull himself out of the pit he’d been in. He’d started with watching the cooking channel and then practicing relentlessly, keeping at it over the years until he’d gotten better and better and eventually found himself able to make delicious, difficult gourmet meals from scratch that he wouldn’t have even dreamed he’d be capable of before. He still cooked almost every night to this day as his funds allowed him to continually try new recipes and test new ingredients, and with those thoughts in mind, Levi decided that he was in need of a distraction after the shit with Erwin, and decided that he should make something he hadn’t in a while.

But what, though? He was a few days away from his weekly grocery delivery and wasn't fully stocked, and whatever he decided to cook, he would have to make sure that he had the ingredients. Fortunately, though, he was creative and skilled enough by then that he could practically make a meal from anything, and that was what he wanted to do anyway. Coming up with new recipes was half the fun of it sometimes, and that night it would just be a matter of going through his pantry and fridge to get an idea of what he had.

The first thing he found was scallops, tucked away in his cooler from the last grocery delivery. He had put them on his list on a whim, he remembered, and if he didn't use them in the next day or two he would have to freeze them. He decided that would do because he hadn't cooked scallops in months, and next looked in his pantry to figure out what he could do with them. Immediately he saw breadcrumbs and grabbed that, and suddenly had the idea of searing the scallops and then baking them in a lemon and rosemary breadcrumb crust. Some grilled asparagus coated in balsamic vinegar would go well with it, he thought, and luckily he had a bundle of that specific vegetable wedged away somewhere inside of his fridge too. 

Once he had the basic idea for his meal he headed into his kitchen - the only place he had allowed himself to splurge with all of his riches when he’d built this house. He had hired someone who specialized in restaurant design for that room especially, and had a modern, state of the art kitchen built for both ease and functionality. He had nearly every tool and appliance one could think of, and neat storage for all of it too. It was his favorite room and the one that he felt most comfortable in, and so once he got started on dinner, he quickly lost himself in the process, concentrating only on his meal and on cooking his scallops to a delicate, perfect sear while mixing the breadcrumb mixture in a bowl. After that was combined, he got out two ramekins to bake them in and started working on the asparagus, and decided at the last minute to make a rich garlic and lemon cream sauce that would hopefully complement all of it. 

When it was all finished he plated it carefully on a tray, arranging the ramekins off to the side and stacking the grilled asparagus next to it. He drizzled the sauce around it all to make it look pretty, and spooned a hefty amount onto the baked scallops, garnishing everything with a sprig of rosemary. Then, he wiped away any excess mess with a cloth, and stepped back to take a good look at what he had prepared. 

It definitely appeared delicious, he thought, if not professional, with bright colors and neat plating that he’d learned from watching restaurant chefs online. Steam wafted off of it appetizingly, and the smell - well, the smell coming from it was positively mouthwatering. A flicker of something like pride or satisfaction went through him as he took it in, and he was sure that if had he been serving this to someone else, they would certainly have been pleased at the outcome. 

Only, he thought, wiping his hands on his apron before removing it, there was no one else around to eat it. There was just him, but that’s how it always was, so what was he waiting for?  Picking up the tray, he carried it into the dining room with him along with a bottle of wine, setting everything out in front of him at his usual spot at the table before getting seated. After pouring himself a drink, he dug in, carefully tasting everything and finding it to be just as good as he had hoped. He ate all of his first portion there in the empty dining room, bite by bite, with the clinking of his silverware and dishes the only thing breaking up the silence. When he was done he finished his wine, and hastily wiped his mouth after eyeing the second plate of food. He thought about eating it but he was getting full, and because there was no one else, decided instead that he would have to put it away for lunch the next day. 

He did so neatly, after loading his plate, silverware, and wine glass into the dishwasher, and then cleaned his kitchen up to his own strict expectations. When he was through with that he lingered in there for a few more hours, making himself tea, checking a few more things on his tablet, and reading the news until he decided that he was ready for bed. At that point, he turned out his lights and put his devices away, walking through the dark, empty hallway toward his stairs so that he could head to his room. Then, he brushed his teeth and changed into his pajamas, and crawled underneath his covers before turning out his lamp. 

That, essentially, was Levi’s routine most of the time. He stayed in his house and didn’t go into town, and talked to no one except for Hange or the kids. He cleaned and cooked and kept up with everything important through the internet, and with no reason not to divert from any of that, was content in keeping most things in his life the same. At least, that was what he told himself, and what he had believed for the past several years. However, as he began to drift off to sleep, an image of his new gardener flashed through his mind, and curiously, Levi found himself wondering what might have happened if he hadn’t been so rude to him after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, comments and kudos appreciated <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hange was right. Levi was lonely.

If Levi’s wandering thoughts about how he’d acted around his new gardener had persisted, he probably would have become confused and frustrated. Thankfully, though, he was able to force them out of his mind the next morning, after waking up at his usual time and treating himself to a refreshing bath. His tub was another thing he’d splurged on, buying himself a large, corner drop-in with heated whirlpool jets and built-in, padded seating. It had been expensive, but worth it in his mind, because he used it enough to get his money’s worth and it helped him to relax.

So did a nice cup of hot tea, and he had several of those during his breakfast of eggs benedict and potato pancakes. After that, he got to work on his chores, and because Erwin did not knock on his door, Levi’s routine was not interrupted. In fact, the only reason he knew that he was there was because he caught sight of him once while he was cleaning outside of a window, but made sure to duck away quickly lest he get distracted like he had the day before. Other than that, Erwin was quiet and did not bother him, and with his presence on Levi’s property basically inconsequential like that for the next few days, Levi forgot about the awkwardness of their first encounters and how he still felt a little guilty for being so rude to him. 

By the end of the weekend - after walking around his house a few times in the evening to see that he’d done a good job with the plants - Levi barely thought about him at all, which was just what he’d wanted in a gardener. It wasn’t until the next time he talked with Hange at 10:00 AM on a Tuesday - 11 days after Erwin had been hired - that he thought about him in more detail, after getting up, eating breakfast, and logging onto his laptop downstairs in his living room so that he could confirm his grocery delivery for the next day. As soon as he turned it on he saw that Hange was signed onto Skype, and wasn’t surprised when they started calling him a few minutes later even though he was pretty sure it was 3:00 in the morning where they were from. Did they ever sleep?

_ “Leeeeeeeeeeeevi!!!”  _ They exclaimed when he answered the call, their face appearing suddenly on Levi’s laptop screen. 

They were so close to it that all he could make out were their wide eyes and the top of their nose, their cheeks scrunched up too in what was probably an excited, happy grin. If Levi wasn’t used to it he might have been startled, but that was the way Hange always greeted him, and so rather than jump or anything he just stared impassively while they leaned away from their camera to settle back into their seat.

“Hey.” He said once they’d calmed down, sipping his tea and taking Hange in now that he had a full view of them.

They were in pajamas, unsurprisingly, a striped shirt that didn’t match their polka dotted pants, and their hair was a mess. He could see the smudges on their glasses even through their camera and his, and although there were dark circles under their eyes, they didn’t seem to be tired in the least. Instead, they were waving at him with gusto, nearly knocking over a stack of books and papers that Levi could see standing precariously next to them at their desk. 

_ “How are you?!”  _ They nearly shouted into their microphone while waving, as Levi crossed his legs calmly and leaned back into his chair.  _ “How’s your gardener search working out?”  _

“Fine. I found one.” He answered, wondering in the back of his mind if Erwin was even coming in that day. His work schedule pretty much depended on the plants, and after being satisfied that he was competent after a few days of work, Levi had left it up to him because as long as Erwin wasn’t waking him up at the crackass of dawn, he didn’t care when he showed up. “He started last week.” 

_ “And you didn’t scare him away right off the bat?” _

At that, Levi rolled his eyes. Then, he frowned, because although Hange was just teasing and he didn’t  _ really  _ care, their comment had reminded him of what had happened when he and Erwin first met. It threatened to make him feel that strange hint of guilt again, especially when he considered that honestly, he wouldn’t have blamed Erwin if he hadn’t come back after his first day. Levi had basically slammed a door in his face twice, but in an effort to keep his spirits up, he shrugged it off, forcing himself to believe that it didn’t fucking matter because Erwin hadn’t quit. He had kept working, and Levi was actually pleased with the job he was doing so far.

“He’s 22, he’s probably too stupid to be scared of me.” He said back to Hange, avoiding the subject because regardless of anything else, he was unwilling to talk about his problems with them - especially this early in the morning. 

_ “22?! That’s really young, Levi. Where is he from? Did he do any gardening before this? Is he in college?” _

“Yeah, I guess.” Levi said simply, ignoring all but the last of Hange’s questions. “I think his resume said something about university. I don’t know, I didn’t really pay that much attention to it.”

_ “Ooh, I wonder what his major is. Do you think it’s something to do with plants?” _

“No, I think it’s something to do with I-don’t-give-a-shit.” 

_ “What does he look like?”  _

“Why does _that_ matter?” Levi asked, setting his teacup down and making a face at his laptop screen. Why was Hange asking him _that_ , like he gave a shit what his gardener looked like? It wasn’t like he had put blonde hair, blue eyes, and perfectly defined cheekbones as a requirement for the job posting even if that’s what he’d gotten, and although he’d been _trying_ to keep his irritation holstered at Hange’s incessant questioning about shit that didn’t matter, it was impossible when they were now making him remember that the bastard was as handsome as he had been friendly. “Why are you being so damned nosy?”

_ “Well why are you being so defensive? Is he cute or something?”  _ Hange replied, grinning and adjusting their glasses as they peered at him through their laptop, not at all put off by his rudeness or cursing. 

That just made Levi scowl harder though, because not only were they forcing him to discuss something that he didn’t want to, they were now apparently intent on embarrassing him for no reason.

“No.” Levi ground out, despite the fact that he could feel his cheeks warming automatically. He cursed inwardly and glared at Hange through the screen, hoping that the lighting was dim enough so that they couldn’t see the redness that had probably blossomed all over his face. “I mean, I don’t fucking know, he looks like a kid and I’m old.”

_ “Is he nice?” _

“I guess. I didn’t really talk to him, Hange, considering he’s here to deal with my plants. Even if he wasn’t, it doesn’t matter, because I’m just his asshole boss. Why would he want to talk to me?” Was Levi’s response, after his first thought had been ‘yes’ and he’d worried at his bottom lip, trying and failing to distract himself from thinking about it in an effort to keep his bad, guilty feelings from resurfacing. 

Unfortunately, it hadn’t worked, and he’d blurted out a much longer answer than he’d intended to. It hadn’t been  _ too  _ revealing, but Hange knew him well despite the fact that they’d never even met in person before, and he could tell by their knowing smile that although they didn’t know any specifics, they could still see right through his bullshit.

_ “That’s probably not true, Levi, especially if he really is nice. Maybe you can invite him inside just to see what he says!” _ _   
_

“What? No, why the fuck would I do that?!” Levi responded immediately, tensing up in his chair and feeling a strange wave of nerves and half-panic at just the mere thought. Erwin was his employee and Levi barely knew him, and even _if_ he found the idea appealing - which he didn’t, he didn’t actually know shit about this kid - he was pretty sure he’d already made a bad impression on him no matter what Hange said. Regardless, he was rapidly growing tired of their shit, as their questions were stressing him out for reasons he didn’t want to get into. “Will you just drop it, Hange?”

At that, Hange let out a dramatic, exaggerated sigh, leaning their head to the side to prop it up on one closed fist while they pouted.  _ “You’re no fun, Levi. I’m just worried about you in that gigantic house. I know I’m  _ great  _ company and all, even over Skype, but don’t you get lonely?” _

No matter how sweet it was meant to be, Hange’s question was, unfortunately for them, Levi’s breaking point. 

“I gotta go.” He said in a strained, rough voice, clenching his jaw and practically slamming his laptop shut in response without even closing Skype, angry because, well, they’d gone too far. 

That was what he told himself, but really it was because even though he was loathe to admit it, they’d actually hit the nail right on the head. They meant well, of course, but Levi hadn’t asked for their opinion  _ or  _ their advice, much less their probing questions and hinting that he...well, that he needed  _ friends _ . That was intrusive and none of their business, and besides, it was bullshit anyway. He wasn’t alone; he had Hange to socialize with when they weren’t pissing him off, and Mikasa too. Sure, Mikasa was a kid and Hange lived thousands of miles away, but he was fine with what he had. He didn’t need more friends and it didn’t matter if he was by himself most of the time and never left the house, because his routine was enough to keep him happy and he  _ wasn’t  _ lonely. 

Right?

Of course not, he thought, scowling while he pondered it and stalked out of his living room. It was ridiculous to even think so, and anyway, even if he was, it would just be too fucking bad because he didn’t deserve close relationships in the first place. He knew from experience that he’d just fuck them up or much, much worse, because he was an asshole and he had already shown that to Erwin within the first five minutes of meeting him. Regardless, though, it didn’t matter. Erwin was young and Levi was old, and even if he had problems or was lonely, a 22 year old kid probably wasn’t the answer even if Levi happened to be the nicest guy in the world.

The thought was almost laughable, but for some reason all of this made Levi feel even more guilty for how he’d acted toward him than he had before. He’d been beating himself up for it already until he’d forgotten, but now Hange had reminded him all over again and he couldn’t get it out of his head. Why had Erwin even bothered coming back after that first day? For all intents and purposes Levi had indicated that he’d be treating him like shit, and, well, if he needed a job  _ that  _ badly then Levi just felt sorry for him. 

That made him wonder if Erwin was there that day though, or had come back at all that week after he’d had the weekend off to think about it. Levi probably wouldn’t have, and although Erwin hadn’t told him he was quitting, that didn’t necessarily mean shit. He certainly didn’t owe him an explanation if he did, and because Levi hadn’t checked his plants since the week before, for all he knew Erwin hadn’t come back and they were all dying.

Biting his lip, he stopped from the beeline he’d been making toward his kitchen in the middle of the hallway, holding the empty teacup he’d had in one hand while he glanced toward the front entrance of his house. If he was concerned about Erwin showing up, he should probably check, right? Levi didn’t know the schedule he’d decided for himself if he did remain employed, but it was past 10:00 AM, and he figured that if Erwin was coming that day he would be there by then. If he didn’t see him he’d just drag himself outside to check on the plants, and if he did, well, there wasn’t anything wrong with checking on him to make sure he was doing his job.

With that in mind Levi changed his direction, instead turning to make his way towards the entrance of his house. There were several large windows surrounding his front door that had a good view of the driveway, and if he could get a glimpse of Erwin’s car then really, that was all he needed. 

Sure enough, he saw, after ducking his head inside one of the thick curtains that he hadn't opened yet, there was an old, beaten up looking vehicle in his driveway. He’d seen it before and knew it was Erwin’s, and even if Levi didn’t see him anywhere in the vicinity after a quick scan of his front yard, at least he knew he was on his property working somewhere. Strangely enough, the fact that he actually hadn’t scared him off after all made Levi feel a bit better, but for some reason, he didn't step away. 

He lingered and looked around his yard more carefully as if he was trying to get a glimpse of Erwin, his eyes scanning the gardens out past his driveway to see if he was working out there or in the yard beyond. The image of him working filled his mind, but when he didn’t see him after a few seconds he finally gave up, figuring that he must be in the backyard or on the side of the house or in the tool shed or something instead, thinking that it was high time he got started on his daily cleaning anyway. 

As he stepped away, though, Levi glanced to the side absentmindedly right before he started to duck back outside the curtains, only to find himself startled, nearly jumping when he almost came face to face with the exact person he'd been looking for.  _ Shit,  _ Levi almost swore, Erwin was  _ right there _ , not even four feet away from the window up against the wall of his house, hedge clippers in his hand as he carefully trimmed a damned bush. Or, Levi realized, as he  _ stopped  _ trimming a damned bush, because not only was Erwin close to him, he was facing in his direction and looking right at him. Their eyes locked and Levi’s went round and wide, panic suddenly springing up inside him even as Erwin gave him a small smile, and even as he stumbled backward and jerked his curtains closed in a flustered, frantic, and embarrassed hurry.

“Fuck.” He said out loud, his face starting to burn like he’d been caught spying. 

Had Erwin seen him standing there, looking out the window that entire time? How long had he been fucking watching him acting like a creep without Levi noticing, and furthermore, what the hell was his  _ own _ problem? Why had he lingered like that, trying to spot Erwin when he'd already noticed his car? That had been all Levi had needed to see considering he was only checking to find out if he was at work or not, so why had he tried to find him when it didn't matter?

Even while Levi questioned himself, he knew why. It was the same reason he'd ended up staring at him the week before, and the reason he’d subsequently banned himself from looking out windows in the days after that: because Erwin was fucking hot. He was attractive to him, somehow, in a way that a mere 22 year old kid shouldn’t be, and no matter how much Levi continued to chastise himself, he couldn’t get the image of Erwin’s blonde hair - glistening in the golden sun - and the cute smile he’d given him - dimpling his cheeks just a bit - out of his mind. 

It was irritating, but worse than that was Levi’s stupid, fucked up behavior. Yet again he’d acted weird in front of Erwin, staring out the window while he was right in front of him and then darting back inside in a panic when he’d caught sight of him. Sure, he hadn’t been an asshole that time, but he’d embarrassed himself and had probably come across as crazy, and if he  _ had  _ wanted to try and be friendly toward him, that hadn’t helped.

Good thing he didn’t though, he mused. He had no intention of following Hange’s advice or of trying to talk to Erwin, so why did it matter what Erwin thought of him? Why should he care? Without realizing that his mind had just been going in circles since he’d spoken to Hange, Levi shook his head and stalked away again, heading into the kitchen to discard his teacup before he started cleaning. His goal was to put all of this shit out of his thoughts and distract himself with his chores like he always did, but this time, it was hard.

Even though he purposefully avoided windows like before and Erwin didn’t ring his bell, Levi couldn’t seem to get him or his conversation with Hange out of his head completely. Something about it was bugging him; causing their words to needle their way back into his thoughts over and over again throughout the day. 

_ “I’m just worried about you in that gigantic house.”  _ They’d said. _ “Don’t you get lonely?” _

Cooking a complicated, time consuming dinner didn't even help him this time, because despite the fact that he wasn't directly thinking about it in the kitchen, it had caused him to fall into a bad mood, the feeling hanging over him like a black cloud even when he was distracted. By the time he was done and had brought his meal into the dining room to eat by himself, stopping in his tracks when he set it down on the table and the clinking sounds echoed around the big, empty space, he felt so morose that he couldn’t deny what he’d been trying to put behind him that entire day: Hange was right. He  _ was  _ lonely.

It was a sinking, raw, empty feeling as it hit him, the realization causing his heart to drop while he just stood there, staring down at his plates full of food. He’d probably made enough for three people, and even if he’d done it on purpose because he liked to eat leftovers for lunch, it was the sight of it along with all the empty chairs at his dining room table that caused him to finally admit that he wasn’t even just lonely, he was  _ alone _ , completely by himself and isolated for most of the time except for when the kids were there.

It wasn’t like he could exactly socialize with them, and although Hange provided him with some interaction, he supposed it would be nice to...well, to have someone to  _ at least  _ eat dinner with every once in awhile. It wasn’t like he was the most extroverted person to begin with so he didn't need shit like that every day, but he’d never been a complete loner either - not until the accident, anyway, until he’d closed himself off and somehow spiralled down into what he was now: a shut-in.

That had never been his intention, but he’d barely been able to cope immediately after what he’d gone through, and he’d somewhat unwittingly isolated himself from the few people he’d still had left in his life. By the time he’d gotten over it enough to realize, it had been too late, and anyway, by then his grief had turned into enough self-hatred to make him figure that people were better off without him anyway, because all he was capable of was hurting or injuring them again, or worse. 

His detachment was only exacerbated by the fact that he then inherited a shitton of money out of the blue from his great-grandfather, because even if by then he had recovered enough from his depression to be functional, it allowed him to buy this huge house out in the middle of nowhere, and to live alone, and to be able to afford things like grocery delivery and online shopping so that he never had to leave his property again if he didn’t want to. It wasn’t that he was  _ afraid  _ or anything like that - although the thought  _ did  _ make him nervous after so long of staying inside, just a little - it was that he no longer saw the point because he didn’t need or care to, and he didn’t have anyone left out there to make him.

He was comfortable in his home and in his routine; that wasn’t untrue. However, despite the fact that he constantly tried to convince himself that he didn’t need it, it was clearly affecting him more than he'd thought. He missed having someone - even having just  _ one person _ , he realized - that was close to him that he could talk to, that he could visit and share things with or even just allow to take advantage of his pool, for fuck’s sake. It was normal to want that, he supposed, even though he hated moping and felt pitiful for how he’d been downcast all day, wondering too if it had anything to do with why he felt so guilty about being rude to Erwin.

After all, he’d never been nice to Shadis and he hadn’t cared, but Shadis had been kind of a dick too, and Levi had never given a shit what he thought of him. So why was he concerned about Erwin’s opinion? It shouldn’t matter to him; he was Erwin’s boss and Erwin was basically a kid, but for some reason, he supposed, he just did. Was it because of his isolation? Was he just that lonesome that he was unconsciously trying to seek out friendship, or even some kind of minor interaction with the first person that crossed his path? 

No, he reasoned, that wasn’t it because he’d hated Shadis. It was because Erwin had been nice, he thought, and he’d had a friendly smile, and he didn’t seem like he’d be  _ too  _ annoying to talk to if Levi had to speak to him again. In fact, he found that he didn’t mind the idea at all, and actually felt a little curious about what might happen if he did. That was something he hadn’t felt in a long time, but, he remembered, he’d probably already ruined it. He’d been an ass and that was why he was guilty - experiencing the feeling both on behalf of himself and on behalf of someone he actually didn’t want to be mean to.

Even if he hadn’t, though, what did he think he was going to do? Invite Erwin inside like Hange had proposed? The thought was just as overwhelming as it had been before, and Levi had already spent too much time being down about other shit to even begin to focus on why. It wasn’t like him to sit around feeling sorry for himself like that anyway, and the last thing he wanted to do was fall into another pit. It would be pathetic, as wasting all the time he already had on it was too, and it was with that thought that he realized his food was starting to get cold.

He’d been standing there the entire time thinking about all that shit, but now, even though there was a surely delicious meal sitting right in front of him on the table, he suddenly didn’t really feel hungry anymore. It was because of his mood - he still felt gloomy and forlorn, irritated with himself at letting this happen in the first place, and a bit embarrassed and pitiful for being so lonely - but, he thought, he’d wasted enough time cooking that he wasn’t  _ not  _ going to eat it, so after ducking back into the kitchen quickly to grab a much needed bottle of wine, he sat down, helping himself to the meal anyway. 

It was good, objectively, and he almost hated to bite into it because the presentation was so nice. However, he managed, and half-heartedly ate about three quarters of it before he decided he was done, staring down at his plate the entire time so that he wouldn't glance up at the empty seats around him. Right then it would just serve as a reminder of all the bullshit he was trying - and failing - not to linger on, finding himself wishing that above all, he had someone with whom he could share his food with. He didn't, though, and he didn't see how that was going to change anytime soon, so what was the point in fucking focusing on it? He'd done it to himself anyway; _all_ of this was his fault, and after continuing thoughts like that, it was no wonder that Levi ended up drinking far too much wine and passing out on his couch in the living room a few hours after he’d cleaned up and finished his meal. 

He woke up the next morning with an empty glass still in his hand and a headache, and the sound of his cell phone ringing from somewhere across the room. Groggily, he shifted and sat straight up when the noise jolted him into consciousness, looking around with confusion until he remembered what had happened and  _ why _ he wasn't in his bed. A second later and he was setting his wine glass down and stumbling for his phone, following the ringing to locate it because he hadn't the slightest idea where he'd left it. Luckily, he found it above his fireplace just as whoever was calling was taken to his voicemail, and he rubbed at his eyes with a curse when he glanced at the screen and immediately recognized the number that he now had several missed calls from. 

It was the deliveryman who brought him his truckload of groceries every week, and when Levi saw what time it was, he was pretty sure he knew why the guy was calling. 

Somehow, he’d slept until fucking 11:00 - thirty minutes  _ after  _ the delivery was always scheduled to arrive. Now he was probably waiting outside in his truck near the side door to Levi’s house that he always unloaded at, wondering where the fuck he was and why he hadn’t met him out there like he usually did.

“Shit.” Levi swore, listening to the voicemail to confirm.

It wasn’t  _ that  _ big of a deal, not really, but he hadn’t meant to keep the guy waiting, and now he was going to be behind on his chores because he’d gotten up so late and would still have to organize the groceries. That was actually one of his favorite tasks, though, because he found that he enjoyed taking stock of everything he’d ordered and any new, uncommon ingredients he’d gotten, spending most of the time while he was putting it all away imagining what he could cook with it. 

The thought of getting to do so that morning actually lifted his spirits a bit after he’d made himself decent and stepped outside, apologizing to the delivery guy and watching as he opened his truck to reveal a variety of boxes and bags containing the food he'd ordered. It all distracted him enough so that he didn't even look around his yard for Erwin - or, at least, he managed to only look around discreetly for just a few seconds when he didn't see him instead of embarrassing himself like the day before - and was only barely reminded of what he'd gone through at last night’s dinner, the distraught feelings resurfacing for a single second before they disappeared. He was glad because he'd be damned if he spent another day moping, and would much rather focus on putting his groceries away and cleaning his house. 

As he did so, after giving the deliveryman his usual generous tip once he'd dropped everything off in his kitchen, visions of what he could make for dinner filled his mind now that he had as many options as he possibly could. Particularly, though, he found himself interested in the fresh grouper his grocer had happened to have in stock when he'd placed his order, because he wasn't sure he'd ever cooked that type of fish before. He'd have to use it sooner rather than later anyway, he thought, and after putting everything else away, he decided to make something delicious with that and a side of fresh vegetables.

It was only when he finished it that night, after working his ass off in the kitchen for two hours and producing a stunning, tasty dish, did he find himself wishing all over again that he had someone to share it with. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's to getting all the angst out early?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What’s his name?” Armin asked, in reference to Erwin.
> 
> “His name is ‘Mr. Gardener.’” Levi said, finding himself - for the first time - cursing Armin’s innocent curiosity. "Don't you want to swim?"

Despite Levi’s revelations, he mostly kept to himself for the next few days, only talking to Hange once to apologize as best he could for hanging up on their Skype call. He’d acted like a dick toward them and felt bad for that too, but he was still reluctant to admit to them that they’d been right. He just wasn’t ready to talk about those particular troubles with anyone yet, as he still didn’t have any answers for himself about what he wanted to do about it in the first place - if anything. He wasn’t sure because he wouldn’t even know where to begin, and just thinking about all of it in any great detail was enough to stress him out, making him feel worse than he already did from his general loneliness and lingering, grim mood.

That didn’t mean that Erwin wasn’t hanging in the back of his mind, though, the question of whether or not he should apologize to him for his asshole behavior keeping him up at night after he’d done so with Hange. He knew that it was the right thing to do in general, but was there a point to it? Should he do so in the hopes that he and Erwin might strike up a friendship, seeing as how if Levi truly wanted to cure his loneliness, he was the only person directly available for him to try to do so with? 

Part of him contemplated attempting it every day, but another part of him - a much bigger part - told him that he’d just make a fool of himself again, or that it was too late because of how he’d embarrassed himself at the window the other day. Worse than all of that, though, was the possibility that Erwin would reject him and  _ not  _ accept his apology, the mere thought of which caused him to shut down any scenario he’d been imagining as fast as he could. He’d admitted a lot in the past few days, but apparently he wasn’t quite ready to admit that the notion of that, well...that it  _ scared  _ him a little, his mind telling him not to bother with it because it wasn’t worth the risk anyway - Erwin was just too young. 

They probably couldn’t even be friends even if Levi tried; but was that really true? Hange was younger than him, 26 years old and in graduate school, and it wasn’t like Levi was  _ that  _ old to begin with. He just felt like that because all he did was sit around in his house like some sort of Scrooge, grumbling about his plants and pool and obsessing over his cleaning. He didn’t have any neighbors that were close by, but if he did and they happened to be children, Levi had no doubt that they would be scared of him, probably starting up rumors about how he hated kids and his house was haunted or some shit. 

That thought made him exceedingly grateful for Mikasa and her friends, because although he was doubtful Mikasa even liked him that much, at least they weren’t afraid of him. On the contrary, they had all become quite comfortable around him since they’d started swimming there, and Levi had developed a different sort of soft spot for each of them. He enjoyed their visits - probably because he liked having the company more than he’d wanted to admit before - and didn’t mind babysitting them when they came over. 

In fact, they were supposed to come again soon, Levi remembered, and he found himself looking forward to it, hoping deep down inside that he would feel better after and that it would be enough to assuage his loneliness, and that right then, he was just having a minor rough patch. That was all just wishful thinking, of course, but he didn’t realize it right away, as Mikasa, Eren, and Armin’s impending visit was enough to distract him from just how shitty he’d started feeling the past few days. 

By the time Mr. Ackerman dropped them off on the morning they were scheduled to visit, Levi was actually feeling almost back to normal, caught up in greeting the kids and helping them into their swimsuits and all that, so much so that he actually didn’t even think that he might have to deal with Erwin being around once they were outside. He’d known he was there because his car had been in the driveway when he’d answered his door for the kids, but he hadn’t thought of the possibility that he might be working in the backyard while they were outside, had somehow  _ not  _ put two and two together while he’d basically spent the last week worrying about all this shit until they stepped out on his porch and Levi caught sight of him watering a flower bed alongside his fence. 

Immediately he betrayed himself and let his gaze linger a bit too long, noting with some relief that Erwin was at least at the very end of his huge backyard and partially obscured by a tree. Still, though, Levi could see his blonde hair shining in the bright sunlight, and could easily make out how tall he was next to the fence without even having to squint. 

_ Motherfucker. _ He thought irritably, more at himself than at Erwin, forcing himself to tear his eyes away a moment later so that he could make sure the kids were doing what he’d told them to: setting their towels aside neatly and applying sunscreen. Armin and Mikasa were, of course, but Eren was, as always, going to need his help. Levi had learned the hard way that he tended to miss spots, and he’d just gotten focused on assisting him, kneeling down in front of him to spread globs of the stuff over his face when, of course, Armin piped up.

“Who is that?” He asked, causing Levi to have to hold back a sigh.

He knew before even looking up that Armin was talking about Erwin, because who the fuck else could it be? He’d hoped that just because Erwin was out there it didn’t mean that he’d have to get involved in any awkward encounters, but he should’ve known that one of the kids would make it difficult for him. Sure enough, when he glanced at Armin he saw him pointing, following his gaze to see that he was indeed looking right at where Erwin was busy watering plants. He was at a different flower bed this time, a closer one, and had bent over to pick up the hose. It gave Levi a full view of his perky backside and how tight his fucking jeans were, and he bit his lip sharply before he forced himself to look back at where he was helping Eren.

“It’s just the new gardener.” He explained simply, rubbing sunscreen over Eren’s nose and cheeks, careful not to get any of it into his now widened, curious eyes. 

“What’s his name?” 

“His name is ‘Mr. Gardener.’” Levi said, finding himself - for the first time - cursing Armin’s innocent curiosity. “Don’t you want to swim?”

As bright as Armin was for his age, he was still just a kid, and in the end his attention span didn’t hold up to Levi’s reminder of the pool. He smiled happily and nodded, resuming applying his sunscreen from where he’d stopped before, and made his way to the water with Mikasa and Eren once they had all passed Levi’s sunburn-prevention inspection. 

He followed them, having not yet forgotten what had happened the last time they were there to swim, walking over so that he could look at the pool too, noting that thankfully, Erwin seemed to be taking very good care of it just like his plants. Even if his presence had brought up a sort of conundrum in Levi's life, he was at least grateful for that, taking in how the water was crystal clear, sparkling in the summer sun without any floating leaves or bugs in sight, and how the cemented bottom was white, clean, and stain free. It looked better than it had when Shadis took care of it, Levi thought, dipping a bare toe in as Eren and Mikasa waded down the steps while Armin put on his floaties. It was even the right temperature - not too cold and not too warm, but just perfect for a hot day’s swim.

_ Not bad. _ He thought, before he was suddenly taken off guard by the feeling of relief he felt go through him. It was because he knew he wasn't going to have to fire Erwin, but why? Because then he'd be alone and lose the one person who had at least  _ tried _ to be nice to him, and his potential opportunity to make a friend would be gone?  _ No _ , Levi thought sourly, it was because he didn't want to have to worry about finding another replacement so soon.  

At that point, Levi had let go of enough of his denial so that he didn't even believe himself anymore, and even if he had, he wouldn't have been able to keep it up when, after hearing the kids shouting and jumping into the pool, Erwin turned in his direction and waved at him. He lifted his hand in a polite hello, his gaze lingering on Levi after he'd realized what the sudden loud sounds were, his tentative smile visible even from across the yard too. 

Immediately, of course, Levi froze in place. His heart pounded in his chest and his face turned red, and although his first instinct was to turn and retreat back to his seat because of nerves, he somehow managed to hesitantly wave back at Erwin without making a fool of himself. It was because he'd caught his thoughts before he'd acted, deciding in a split second that he didn't want to be an asshole to him again. He wanted Erwin to think good things about him, he realized, and as the thought had occurred to him in the spur of that moment, he just couldn't rationalize to himself anymore that his actions or feelings had any other meaning. 

Swallowing, Levi turned when Erwin went back to working after their simple interaction was over, walking up to the patio to sit down and feeling like he'd just gone through a damn job interview or some shit. He hadn't - all he'd done was wave to his gardener, for fuck’s sake - so why was he going through the memory over and over again in his head, plopping down with wide eyes as he crossed his arms and tried to calm himself down? It was because Erwin was cute, Levi thought, a fact that he found himself lingering on throughout the morning as he continued to sneak glances at him, watching him work from behind his sunglasses in between eBay searches for tea on his tablet. He was wandering about the yard continuing to water Levi’s plants and pick weeds, but even if Levi had tried to justify his staring by saying that he was just making sure Erwin was doing a good job, that was straight up bullshit. 

He already  _ knew  _ Erwin did a good job, and regardless, Levi was actually paying far, far more attention to how tall and strapping Erwin looked while he worked rather than what he was doing to the yard. He couldn’t help it; he may have been anti-social but he hadn't lost his sex drive, and he was just too gay to not appreciate Erwin's good looks for what they were. He was gorgeous, Levi thought, almost effortlessly so, and apparently his age wasn't enough of a detrimental factor to change Levi's weakness for large blonde men. 

In fact, he had gradually started to believe his thoughts about how it didn’t matter at all, because from what he had seen and noticed, Erwin didn’t act like someone in their early twenties. He acted older, and more mature, and with the fact that Levi felt like he was shielding himself with his tablet and his sunglasses, his wandering eye got so bad that he was watching Erwin walk around, bend over, pick up tools, reach for trees - or rather, how the actions caused his muscles to ripple and his t-shirt to stretch tight over them - more than he was looking at eBay. 

He almost didn’t even realize it, not until an argument between the kids suddenly distracted him and caused him to straighten up. They were shouting, fighting over a ball, apparently, if Eren holding it above his head and away from the other two told him anything.

“It’s not your turn, Eren.” Mikasa was telling him, while Armin stood behind her in the shallow end looking fretful. “You’re hogging the ball.”

“I don’t care! You’re not my mom!” Eren said in response, and based on past experiences, Levi had to figure that Eren was more annoyed that Mikasa was telling him what to do rather than anything else.

As the oldest out of the three she tended to mother them all a bit - particularly Eren, who Levi sometimes suspected Mikasa had a crush on. Either way, he wasn’t as young as Armin and at the age where he didn’t like such things, bristling a lot of the time and sometimes lashing out, and although that seemed to be the case now, he was apparently taking it out on Armin in addition to Mikasa and that wasn’t fair.

“It’s Armin’s turn, Eren.” Mikasa said again, her voice still calm despite the fact that Eren was practically yelling.

“But Armin sucks anyway!” Eren declared, scowling at Mikasa as she reached for the ball and he dodged, twisting around in the water and jerking it away from her grip.

At that, Levi sighed, took off his sunglasses, and put down his tablet, because it was clear that he was going to have to intervene - at least for Armin’s sake. Mikasa and Eren argued all the time like siblings and were capable of forgetting about it minutes later, but the look on Armin’s face at Eren’s accusation had been pitiable, and Levi certainly knew what it had been like to be small and overlooked as a kid.

“Hey.” He spoke up, loud enough for the children to hear him from the patio. That got their attention and they stopped, watching Levi a bit sheepishly as he stood up and walked over to the edge of the pool to get closer to them. “What’s the problem?”

“Eren is hogging the ball.” Mikasa said again, matter-of-factly. “It was Armin’s turn, and he took it from him. I told him to give it back and he got mad.”

Well, Levi had been half right. Mikasa calling Eren out had raised his ire, but it didn’t matter because she was actually right. Eren shouldn’t have taken the ball from Armin in the first place.

“Eren, you can’t hog the ball. You have to share. If it was Armin’s turn, Mikasa is right. Give it back to him and tell him you’re sorry for saying he sucked.”

“But-”

“Give it back to him, or you’ll get time out and you won’t get a treat after lunch.”

Levi’s words made Eren pout, but for all the fact that he was stubborn, he didn’t protest further. After a moment, he waded over and handed the ball back to Armin, who was looking at him warily with a frown, and stopped. He glanced at Levi as if to confirm that he was still watching him and going to force him to apologize, who nodded, crossing his arms and making it a point to wait for him.

“I’m sorry I said you sucked.” Eren mumbled a moment later, rubbing the back of his head and looking away. He pouted for a second longer and then looked back at Armin, sighing, as if he finally realized how hurtful he had been. “Sorry, Armin.”

“It’s okay, Eren.” Armin said, smiling happily at his friend, prompting Levi to think that he really was a good kid, because if  _ he  _ had been in that situation at his age he would have probably kicked Eren in the face. 

“Alright. Now don’t get in anymore fights or I’m closing the pool, got it, brats?”

The kids all nodded at him obediently and quietly began to resume whatever game they’d been playing, and Levi started to turn, preparing to go back onto the patio when he suddenly caught sight of Erwin. He was parallel to where Levi was standing and pruning a bush, and close enough to have heard everything. It might not have mattered if it hadn’t been immediately obvious that he’d been listening and looking at Levi though, because as soon as Levi turned and saw him, Erwin pointedly looked away.

Levi stopped in his tracks when he noticed and found himself flushing, his cheeks going red hot in a way that just like earlier, didn’t have a single thing to do with the intense summer sun. It was partly from potential embarrassment - what if he had said something stupid? it wasn’t like he’d known Erwin had been watching him - and partly from something else, and he wondered what the hell Erwin had been staring at. Somehow, he doubted that it was for the same reasons that Levi had been looking at him because Erwin probably thought he was an old man, but he still actually found himself lingering, feeling tempted to ask him a question or say something else. 

It was his chance to talk to Erwin, he found himself thinking, but no matter how strong the urge was, he couldn't. He froze instead, standing there awkwardly because he feared that if he tried he'd just come across as an asshole again, but not wanting to turn away, head back to his seat, and lose the opportunity. That was probably what he should’ve done at that point, though, because Erwin had definitely noticed him standing there biting his lip, and suddenly Levi felt half-panicked, his mind telling him to just _ say something _ so that he wouldn’t look like a fucking weirdo, but not able to come up with any words that he felt sure enough about. 

Should he make a comment about the kids? Should he tell Erwin he was glad the pool was clean? Should he apologize for just standing there and go sit down?  _ Yes _ , he thought, that was what he should do, but he couldn’t seem to summon up the courage to open his mouth. Before he could do anything else, however, he was interrupted, his pounding heart skipping a beat in instinctual fear when he heard shouting again and the sound of splashing behind him. 

Twisting around to see what the hell was going on now - half afraid, as always, that something was wrong - he instead saw the kid’s ball suddenly fly past him, bouncing on the concrete and rolling towards Erwin before Levi could say anything to them.

“Ar _ min _ !” Eren groused, throwing his fists down into the water and splashing it everywhere. “You’re not supposed to throw it that hard!”

“Eren-” That was Mikasa, already starting to try to get a handle on her rowdy friend, but finding herself interrupted before she could.

“Shut up, Mikasa!” Eren said loudly, causing Levi to find himself again and snap back to reality, striding over to the edge where Eren was floating without hesitation.

“Eren!” He said, perhaps a little more sternly than he’d meant to because of his anxiousness. “What did I tell you? Do you  _ want  _ to go to time out?” 

At his anger, Eren seemed to deflate, his eyes going wide too as if he’d realized what he’d done and that he was now in trouble again. As far as he knew he was about to get pulled out of the pool and denied a treat after lunch, too, because that was what Levi had threatened not even five fucking minutes ago. However, when all that began to sink in and Eren pulled what was probably the most pitiful face Levi had ever seen - his big eyes filling up with tears at the thought of no dessert - Levi knew right away that he wasn’t going to be able to keep his word.  

“ _ No. _ I’m sorry, Mr. Levi.” Eren mumbled with a quivering lip at Levi’s still narrowed eyes, causing him to sigh, but to at least feel a little better about giving in too.

Eren had apologized to him without prompting for once, and anyway, it was probably already time for lunch. There wasn’t any point in putting him in time out and making the other kids wait to go eat, and so Levi uncrossed his arms from where he’d been holding them sternly, putting his hands on his hips instead while gazing down at Eren. 

“Apologize to Armin and Mikasa again, Eren, and you won’t be in trouble anymore. Alright?” Levi told him, watching as Eren nodded, sniffled, and turned to obey. “When you’re done, get out and go dry off. It’s time for lunch, anyway.”

As Eren mumbled his second apology that day to his friends, the three of them began to climb out, water from the pool dripping behind them as they made their way up toward the patio. Levi turned to follow them, but stopped in his tracks again, because although he’d gotten distracted by having to deal with the kids, he suddenly remembered what - no,  _ who  _ \- he’d been facing before. It was Erwin, and he’d been standing there just staring at him like a crazy person, and while Erwin had been behind a bush then, now he was walking towards Levi instead, the kid’s discarded ball tucked underneath his arm and a warm smile on his face. 

“Here.” He said when he got closer, holding it out to Levi who found himself frozen in place, just like before. “I think they lost this.”

Erwin chuckled a bit and Levi felt like he’d been blindsided all of a sudden, caught up in the gaze of his blue eyes and his stupid, dimpled smile. After a minute though, he managed to swallow, somehow thinking past the racing mantra of  _ ‘Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit-’ _ in his mind, reaching out to take the ball from Erwin’s hands and staring down at it while he again tried to remember how to make words. 

“I didn’t know you watched kids.” Erwin continued, unperturbed by Levi’s silence. “Is that why you were so worried about your pool?”

At that, Levi looked up, his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open in what had been a pre-emptive ‘yes.’ He’d stopped himself at the last minute out of uncertainty, but this time, somehow, Erwin’s kind smile - although fading by then - made him feel more encouraged than nervous.

“Yeah.” He said, after swallowing thickly. “Yeah...uh, yeah.”

“I would be too.” Erwin replied, somehow unbothered by Levi’s awkward speech, disjointed and unconversational and  _ lame  _ enough so that internally, he was kicking himself. 

He should’ve said something else, he thought, something that would have continued the conversation. Now Erwin had replied and he didn’t know what to say back again, and he’d already been so on edge and half-panicked before that it wasn’t taking much for him to become flustered again. Suddenly he felt overwhelmed, a wave of anxiousness washing through him that made him tense up and grimace, a scowl blossoming over his face as he thought about how stupid he must seem to Erwin too. He was acting awkward and weird and probably making him uncomfortable, and although his out of control thoughts were certainly making things feel worse than they really were, Erwin seemed to notice that something was troubling him. 

“Ah, sorry.” He said, his brows drawing down in concern. “Did I say something wrong?”

“Just-” Levi started, shaking his head and now feeling so embarrassed, so out of his element that all he wanted to do was escape. “Just get back to work.”

He blurted the words out harshly, chastising himself even as he did so, squeezing his eyes shut and clenching his jaw in frustration too while he turned away with the ball and stalked back up onto the patio. He didn’t stop to see what Erwin’s reaction was, knowing how he’d just acted, and instead set the toy down, telling the kids to come inside for lunch as he passed before he headed into the kitchen.  

There, while the kids were changing, he stopped and cursed himself, actually feeling the hot sting of tears pricking the backs of his eyes as he stood there. It was a result of exasperation, of despondency, disappointment, and anger at himself for how he’d behaved, the realization that he had fucked up once again and acted like a complete dick to Erwin making him feel so crestfallen that he had to sit down. 

It was stupid that he was so bothered, but it was just...he’d wanted to talk to him. That was all; he’d felt prompted to try and have a conversation with him because he’d been right there, and Levi had found himself intrigued by him, and he didn’t  _ want  _ to be lonely anymore. That was the truth, and although it was difficult to admit through his humiliation and his aggravation at all his self-pity, it was what had just happened that was finally allowing himself to fully acknowledge it . 

Unfortunately, it was probably too little, too late, because Levi had just basically confirmed that he could not seem to speak to Erwin without acting like an asshole. He had miraculously managed for half a minute this time but had then faltered at the last minute because he’d gotten flustered, but it was the fact that he hadn’t  _ meant  _ to react like that which was now causing him to become upset. He’d wanted to be nice that time unlike during his other encounters with Erwin, and he hadn’t minded Erwin interrupting his work to speak to him - not really. 

Sadly, despite that fact, he’d ended up behaving like a piece of shit in the end anyway, because apparently he’d spent so long hiding away inside his empty house that he just didn’t know how to talk to people anymore. It wasn’t like he’d ever been good at socializing, but his immediate response whenever someone had tried to talk to him before the accident had not been to snap or be  _ that  _ rude. Had he really forgotten how to be normal and polite because he’d barricaded himself inside his house, so much so that now that he’d realized he was lonely, he was completely  incapable of correcting it?

It probably wasn’t  _ that  _ hopeless, he thought, but it sure did fucking feel like it - especially when he thought about how he’d stormed off and left Erwin near his pool after he’d just been trying to make conversation again, his huffing more out of frustration than anger, but the difference no doubt inconceivable to Erwin. He’d probably caused him to feel bad, and for what wasn’t the first time, either. It was the fucking third time, and really, it was a miracle that Erwin had tried to talk to him that afternoon anyway after all that other shit. Whatever the reason had been that Erwin had given him another chance, though, he’d probably lost it now, as even if Erwin was too nice for his own good Levi was pretty sure that he wasn’t stupid.

He’d ruined everything - unintentionally, this time - and he felt so guilty thinking about it that he was actually clenching his fists in his lap, his mind a whirlwind of so many negative thoughts that he felt lower than he had in years. It was so bad that he barely managed to get a hold of himself before the kids finished changing, luckily blinking away the tears that had sprung up but not fallen just as he heard them pattering down the hallway towards his kitchen. 

His deep thoughts were interrupted then and he was forced to compose himself, straightening up and putting on a blank face because he didn’t want them to notice that he’d been upset. If they did they would likely ask questions, and right then, that was the last thing that Levi wanted to deal with.  

Besides, he thought, he didn’t have time for this shit right now. He had to take care of the kids and he was supposed to be watching them, making sure they had a good time and starting lunch so he could feed them instead of moping around at his counter pathetically. 

“Are you ready to eat?” He asked them at that, rising from his chair and speaking first quickly - luckily before any of them had the opportunity to notice that something was wrong - stopping them from bringing anything else up by the offer of what they were now excited for the most: lunch, and then dessert.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What kind of grown man gave another grown man - or, a mostly grown man - a fucking popsicle with a note written on it? The kind that didn’t have the balls to apologize in person, Levi thought with a scowl, suddenly feeling almost just as bad as he had before. He felt like a coward and was clenching his fists again, pondering whether or not he should just march out there and do it, for fuck’s sake, but before he could, he realized the kids had reached Erwin, that Eren was running up to him with the others at his back and his arm outstretched.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just want to say thank you to everyone whose been reading this fic so far! It's going to be kind of a slow burn, so I hope you'll continue to stick with me as they gradually get closer ;)

Naturally, the kids were more than ready to eat, but Levi made sure they’d all dried off properly before he got started, as the last thing he wanted was puddles of water all around his kitchen. They had though, no doubt at the instruction of Mikasa, and he directed them to go sit at his breakfast table across the room where they normally waited while he cooked, as Levi had set up a television there for them so that they could watch cartoons while he kept an eye on them. The boys went over and got seated right away with smiles on their faces, but Mikasa lingered, and Levi raised an eyebrow at her as he headed toward his pantry.

“What are you making?” She asked quietly, watching him like a hawk when he opened the door. 

Her normally blank face had lit up a bit with interest while she did so, giving her a look of mild enthusiasm - the most Levi had seen her wear about anything all day. It made him wonder if she’d like to help, because although most of the time she’d rather sit with Eren and Armin while he cooked, sometimes she would stay close and watch him, asking him questions and handing him things when Levi asked. He could tell that she held at least a mild interest in the activity, and apparently, she sometimes helped her mother bake in their kitchen too.

She’d told him during one of the rare times when it’d just been her at his house and she’d cuddled up to him, and because Levi both enjoyed cooking  _ and  _ held a soft spot for Mikasa that was probably three times larger than the one he had for the boys, he was all too happy to foster her interest and spend more one-on-one time with her. 

“Quesadillas." He answered her after a moment, watching her carefully. She had yet to ask him if she could help, but she rarely did anyway, and Levi decided that gently suggesting it would be a good way to get her to stay there instead of watching TV, and would also give him a nice distraction from his other troubles. "They’re hard to make. I think I could use your help, if you want to stay over here."

"Okay." Mikasa answered him immediately in her quiet voice, climbing up onto one of the stools beside his island so that she could watch him.  

She was definitely interested, Levi thought, but she looked tired too, and he decided that the kids might benefit from a nap after they ate. He wouldn't doubt it if Eren and Armin started yawning while they were watching television before Levi was even finished with lunch, because they had all quieted down noticeably, the morning's swim and the hot summer sun obviously taking their toll on their energy levels. Still, Levi was going to focus on lunch first, heading into his pantry and ducking inside his fridge, all while Mikasa remained perched on her stool until he came back with what he had gathered.

"Think you can handle grating this cheese?" Levi asked her, pushing the blocks of cheddar and monterey jack he’d gotten out of his fridge towards her, along with a grater and a large bowl. 

Mikasa nodded with determination and took it all from him, leaning over the counter and awkwardly positioning the grater against the cheese. She had a serious look on her face but was holding it all wrong, and when Levi saw her, he stepped around the counter, gently taking her wrists and redirecting them the correct way. 

"Like this." He said, grating some cheese for a few seconds just to show her how to do it. When she next did it on her own, she did it right, and Levi nodded before ruffling the top of her hair lightly. "Hey, you’re not too bad at that."

The rest of their lunch preparation went on like that, with Levi having Mikasa help him whenever there was something she could do. There actually wasn’t much to it and most of it was easy, and after pulling out the tortillas Levi spread them out along the counter and instructed her to sprinkle the grated cheese along the inside of them. After that, Levi conferred with her and they added other things to each one, trying to make as big of a variety as possible. Black beans, some leftover cooked chicken, tomatoes, and a few other simple ingredients that he knew the kids would eat went inside, and together they folded them over, with Levi making sure that Mikasa did each one neatly so that nothing would fall out. 

Then, he got the pan ready on the stove, and allowed Mikasa to stand directly in front of him holding the spatula, even letting her flip the first quesadilla onto its other side when the cheese had started to melt. She had to stand up onto her tiptoes to do it, reaching over the stove and shoving the spatula up underneath it with enough force to almost dislodge it from the skillet.

"Careful." Levi told her at that, watching her closely, his hand hovering over her wrist while she tried again, just to make sure that she didn't drop it onto the floor or make a mess, or worst of all, burn herself on the stove.

He had kept the heat on low and hadn’t added much oil to avoid splashing, but the thought of her getting hurt right then made him feel vaguely nauseous, partly because he didn't want to be responsible for it, of course, but also because he'd never fucking hear the end of it from her father if she even got a minor burn. She did good though once she got the hang of it, flipping the quesadilla over and pressing the spatula down on top of it to help melt the cheese at Levi’s instructions. As it sizzled, she even smiled a bit, Levi saw, and in turn, he felt the corners of his own mouth twitch up minutely too. 

After that, they finished the rest of the quesadillas quickly in the pan, and once Levi had cut them into triangles their quiet kitchen time was dashed by Eren and Armin - the former who ran over noisily looking for food and the latter who was chattering happily about something he had seen on television.

Levi made sure they all had plenty of napkins and juice while they ate, eating his own lunch of whatever quesadilla pieces they didn’t want once they were finished. He didn’t mind eating their leftovers - that was why he’d made so much in the first place - and was just glad that none of it would be wasted and that he had someone to share his food with this time. The kids all ate until they were full and enjoyed their meal, but as they grew closer to the end of it, Eren began to stare at the freezer and Levi knew why. The prospect of dessert was looming, and that was his favorite meal of the day. He loved ice cream and other treats, and unsurprisingly, he spoke up when Levi was cleaning their plates, eagerly sitting up onto his knees despite the fact that he now looked noticeably tired too.

“Mr. Levi, are we still getting dessert?” He asked, his eyes drooping even as he tried to sound excited.

He  _ was _ , Levi knew, and would never admit to needing a nap, but after looking around at all three of the kids again, he was pretty sure that one was going to be necessary. Mikasa looked even more lethargic than she had before, and little Armin was nearly falling asleep already in his chair. He was watching Levi out from underneath hooded eyes too though as if in expectation for dessert, but the best thing for them to do was have them sleep and then give them a treat later. If they had sugar now they’d never get down, and would just end up being exhausted and cranky by the time Mikasa’s father picked them up. He never wanted to do anything that might suggest he wasn’t taking care of them properly, so after considering it, he shook his head, forcing himself to remain steadfast when Eren immediately went to pouting and sunk down in his seat. 

“I think it’s time for a nap.” Levi said, ignoring the tugging of his heart strings when Armin looked crestfallen too. “After that,  _ then  _ you can have a treat. There’s popsicles and ice cream.”

Eren opened his mouth like he wanted to argue but then stopped, apparently feeling too tired to stand up to Levi or realizing that in the end, irritating him wouldn’t help him get what he wanted. It was good sense on his part - for once, Levi thought - and besides, it wasn’t like he was being denied a dessert anyway. It was just being put off until later, and Levi hoped that Eren was finally learning to be patient. At the very least he was trying, still remaining a bit sullen though as Levi herded them all out of the kitchen and into the big guest room that he kept prepared for them. 

It was where they always kept their things while visiting, and Levi had filled it with toys and dolls and whatever else they’d told him they liked, keeping it all in a chest that sat in front of a big king-sized bed. It was large enough for all three of them to curl up onto it underneath the covers together, situating themselves with Mikasa in the middle and the blankets pulled up towards their chins. Once they were settled, Levi made sure that they were all tucked in properly and had enough pillows, drawing the curtains too but assuring Armin that even though it was still daytime, he would leave the door cracked and the light on in the hallway. 

“There’s a nightlight over there, too.” Levi told him, pointing to the one that he kept plugged in for this exact reason after pinching Armin’s cheek. “I’ll be downstairs.”

It wasn’t going to get very dark in the room while they were asleep, but Armin always liked to have it as reassurance anyway. Levi figured it was some type of comfort blanket thing for him, and Levi made sure that it turned on dimly when he switched the lights off and that he was satisfied with it. He left the door cracked like he’d promised too so the hall light would filter in, and with the kids asleep for the next hour or so and the kitchen mostly cleaned, once he got back downstairs he was free to go back to what he had been doing earlier: thinking about Erwin.  

Or rather, fretting, and  _ not  _ because he necessarily wanted to. He just didn’t have anything to distract himself with anymore now that the kids were asleep, and although he'd calmed down a bit from how upset he’d been before, after he went to the window and peeked out the blinds, catching sight of Erwin spraying a tree with something in the backyard, he was filled with melancholy and guilt all over again. It didn’t twist in his gut quite as painfully as before, but it was still there, and...well, after standing there for a bit biting his lip, he began to wonder if there wasn’t something he could do to fix it.

He could try, he knew, with an apology. That was what people did when they’d fucked up and felt bad - he wasn’t inept enough to not know that. It wasn’t like he’d never told anyone he was sorry in his entire life either, but the thought of marching out there and approaching Erwin for any  _ normal  _ reason filled him with nerves. Doing it to apologize was somehow even more daunting than that, because, he thought, what if he just made a fool of himself again? What if he just made things worse, digging himself a deeper hole than he’d already found himself in? 

With his track record it was likely, but he didn’t want to leave things this time. He didn’t want to ignore the situation after he’d been such a jerk to Erwin because he didn’t want him to think he was an ass, but he also didn’t want Erwin to have hurt feelings. He felt bad about the possibility, remembering all over again how Erwin’s face had looked right before he’d slammed the door in it, how he’d giving him a friendly smile that afternoon despite all that only for Levi to snap at him again and leave him standing there on the patio.

It made him feel like shit, and although he hadn’t meant to, he couldn’t sit there and blame it on his social ineptitude either - or at least, he didn’t want to, not with Erwin. He was sure about it by then for whatever the reason was, as his head had cleared somewhat from how upset he’d been before. He’d gotten worked up into a near fit of overblown anxiety then but he’d calmed down, and even if his worries about how he no longer knew how to talk to people were probably exaggerated, the way to make sure it wasn’t true was  _ not  _ to sit inside his house and do nothing.  

Not if he wanted to do something about his loneliness, anyway, and not if he didn’t want Erwin to hate him.

But if he was too afraid that he’d fuck up again if he spoke to him in person, what could he do? Could he e-mail him? He’d done alright with that before, hadn’t he? Yes, Levi remembered, e-mail had been the only time he’d managed to talk to Erwin without being a huge dick or making a fool of himself, but what was he supposed to say? 

'Sorry I was shitty to you. I don’t know how to act like anything but an asshole because I’ve spent the past few years alone in my house. Want to be friends?’

No, he thought, that would  _ not  _ make things better. A simple 'sorry' would probably do, but Erwin wouldn’t receive any e-mail he might send out until later, and Levi worried that whatever apology he managed would lose its effect by then. It might seem strange coming out of nowhere like that when the latest incident was no longer fresh in his mind, and besides, Levi really just wanted to take care of this as soon as he could so he didn’t have to continue worrying about it.

If only there was a way for him to pass a message to him right then - less personal like e-mail, but in the here and now instead of later. It was the idea he wanted to go with because he didn’t trust himself enough to talk to him directly again, but it took him the rest of the kid’s nap to come up with something that might work. By the time he heard them stirring, though, he had come up with a solution and had it all planned out, greeting the kids with a box of popsicles when they came into the kitchen.

“Is that for us?” Armin asked upon seeing them, his sleep-filled eyes lighting up with excitement.

“Yeah.” Levi said. “You can finish off this box. Two each. I’ve already had mine.”

“But there’s 7.” Armin said, looking inside and then back up at Levi, a question in his voice that made him raise an eyebrow.

He was starting to think that one day, Armin might become too smart for his own good. Right then thought it didn’t matter, because Levi had been intending to explain anyway - Armin had just beaten him to it.

“I know.” He said, turning back toward his fridge. “I have ice cream too. If you all do me a favor, you can each have two scoops to go along with your popsicles too.” 

“Ice cream  _ and  _ popsicles?!” Eren blurted at that, pushing his way in front of Armin and Mikasa.

He’d been hanging back, rubbing his eyes because he was still waking up, but at the prospect of more dessert he was practically bouncing up and down all of a sudden. It made Levi rethink his idea for a split second because of how the potential sugar rush might affect him, but whatever. If Eren went nuts, he’d just fucking deal with it later. 

“Yeah. If you help me with something. And take  _ turns _ .” He said, directing the last comment towards Eren after he saw him pull out the ice cream and started crowding his friends again. 

Immediately, his eyes locked onto it but he stepped back obediently too, allowing Armin to also peek over the edge of the counter at what Levi was offering with interest. His eyes were wide and even Mikasa behind him looked a bit interested, although  _ her  _ face wore an expression of suspicion more than excitement.

“What do we have to do?” She asked, wary of Levi’s request. 

He wasn’t surprised, not really, but it didn’t bother him, as he had no doubt that it was out of protection for the two boys rather than anything else.

“Take this extra one to the gardener. He’s still in the backyard.”

“You mean Mr. Gardener?” Armin said, piping up from next to Eren.

“Yeah. Mr. Gardener.” Levi said, biting his lip as he handed Eren the extra popsicle. Underneath the opening flap, he’d taken a black marker and written ‘sorry. i don’t mean to be an ass.’ before folding it back over, hoping that the simple message would be enough. “Except his name is Erwin. Give it to him and tell him that the message is from me. Got it, brat?”

“There’s a message? What’s it for?” Armin asked as Eren took it, looking curious while next to him, his friend nodded resolutely and fixed his expression into determination. 

“It’s hot, and he’s been working. Don’t you think he’d like a popsicle too, and that he’d want to know what flavor it was?” Levi answered simply, because he was used to Armin asking questions and he’d prepared for this. 

However, it still struck him a bit - mainly because Armin was no doubt thinking that Levi had never treated his gardener this way before. It wasn’t like it mattered because he couldn’t really know what Levi was thinking, but it made him feel like an asshole all over again before he was able to forget it.

Luckily, Armin didn’t ask anymore questions so that he could though, and just nodded, grabbing onto the back of Eren’s shirt as he wrapped both his hands around the popsicle wrapper.

“Alright.” Levi said then. “Go on. After you come back I’ll give you your treats. You too, Mikasa.”  

At that, Eren set off, practically scampering out of his kitchen and dragging Armin along behind him. Mikasa followed too, running to keep up but already back to looking uninterested again, and while Levi had intended on staying inside to get their ice cream ready, he couldn’t stop himself from heading toward the back door a few moments after he heard the kids make it outside. He wanted to see Erwin’s reaction, he found, even if the thought of him getting a glimpse of Levi while he read his note made his face heat up.

His heart was pounding wildly too, he realized, a nervous flutter going through his belly at what was about to happen. What if after seeing what he’d written, Erwin didn’t care? What it Levi had already done enough damage and Erwin still wouldn’t want to talk to him again? What if he thought the fucking popsicle thing was stupid, and that Levi wasn’t worth shit if he couldn’t even come out there and tell him in person? 

It kind of  _ was  _ stupid, Levi felt, his embarrassment and insecurities growing by the second. What kind of grown man gave another grown man - or, a mostly grown man - a fucking popsicle with a note written on it? The kind that didn’t have the balls to apologize in person, Levi thought with a scowl, suddenly feeling almost just as bad as he had before. He felt like a coward and was clenching his fists again, pondering whether or not he should just march out there and do it, for fuck’s sake, but before he could, he realized the kids had reached Erwin, that Eren was running up to him with the others at his back and his arm outstretched. 

The popsicle was held tightly in his small fists and Armin was shouting ‘Mr. Gardener,’ and when  Erwin saw them, the smile that lit up over his face made Levi’s heart clench. It was a friendly one, one curving up onto his face with gentleness towards the kids, and while he wiped sweat off his brow - a motion that Levi was now familiar enough with for his eyes to automatically snap down to look at his bicep - he swore that he could see his damned dimples deepening from all the way across the yard. 

He reached down when Eren held up the popsicle to him, a quick, puzzled look crossing his features while Eren spoke for a moment. Then, his gaze flicked up to look in Levi’s direction, and he knew Eren had relayed his message properly. His cheeks turned scarlet and felt like they were on fire all of a sudden, and his heart hammered so wildly that he almost felt dizzy. His first instinct was to look away, to cross his arms and stare at the ground or something, but somehow, he forced himself to keep his eyes locked onto Erwin, telling himself that if he did so it would probably come off as rude. He couldn’t act like that right then if he wanted Erwin to believe what he’d written, and so he watched while he looked back down at the popsicle, taking a few seconds to find the message and read it while Levi swallowed and the kids ran back towards him. 

He barely noticed because he was so focused on Erwin’s reaction, feeling like the moment was taking an eternity to pass by until he looked up at Levi inquisitively. His expression made it seem like he was attempting to confirm that Levi had really written the word ‘sorry’ on a popsicle wrapper, and as stupid as it may have been in Levi’s mind, there was no turning back at that point. Yes, he thought, he had used a frozen treat to apologize, and managed to stare right back at Erwin with that in mind, unsmiling due to nerves but not scowling, and after a moment, found himself repeating the only interaction they’d had that day that hadn’t gone badly on a whim: he waved.

He supposed it was an attempt to show Erwin that he meant it or something; he wasn’t entirely sure because really, he’d done it without thinking. For a brief second he feared that Erwin wouldn’t wave back, but immediately, he smiled again and did so, and Levi released a breath of air that he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. Suddenly he felt so relieved that he nearly groaned out loud - only stopping himself at the last minute - and then a small, burgeoning wave of something else crested over him. It was hope, he realized, hope that this was a turning point in the stupid, weird mess that he’d gotten himself into, and hope that Erwin could, perhaps, after Levi had finally done something right in an interaction with him for once, start to become someone whom Levi could one day call a friend.

As he contemplated all of this, he didn’t remove his gaze from Erwin’s and felt calm underneath his stare. It was a stark contrast to how he’d felt the other times, and although it was just a few seconds, Erwin’s expression turned curious and Levi felt like something had perhaps passed between them. He wasn’t sure what and he didn’t have time to contemplate it, because Eren had reached him and was practically jumping up down in front of him, excited because he now wanted his dessert too.

“Alright.” Levi said, shifting his attention back to Eren, throwing one last look over his shoulder at Erwin as he turned to walk back into the house. Erwin was still looking at him too, a distant kind of look on his face as if he was studying him. Levi wondered what he was thinking, finding himself contemplating what would happen if stayed outside. Would Erwin come speak to him? He wasn’t sure he could handle that shit right then, but it wasn’t like it mattered. He could not linger any longer than he already had after what he’d promised the kids, so he forced himself to twist his head back around, taking Eren’s hand to lead him back into the house in front of the others. “Come on. Let's go inside.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Erwin.” Levi started, swallowing, trying to ignore the way his ears were burning and to remember the lines he’d practiced in his head before coming out there. “It’s shitty out. I mean, it’s hot, so I brought you some water. If you want it.”

The next few weeks after that were relatively uneventful, with standard seasonal storms preventing Erwin from doing much work in the yard on the days that he was there, forcing him to leave when it started raining and became apparent that it wasn’t going to stop. Erwin didn’t tell him when he was coming or going, but Levi knew because he had started peeking out his windows several times each day, at first just on the off-chance that Erwin might see him and they could wave to each other again. 

It was a friendly gesture that Levi wanted to repeat, partly because it made him feel nice and partly because it was the only thing he felt like he could still do to get Erwin’s attention. Very rarely did Erwin actually spot Levi at the windows though, and if Levi stood there watching him for longer than twenty seconds or so he started to feel like a weird creep. Continually looking out the window regardless was probably also strange, but Levi told himself that he was just keeping an eye on his property too, even if he was pretty sure that it wasn’t necessary for him to glance over Erwin’s broad back, perky ass, or bulging biceps each time to do so. 

He was just so  _ good looking _ even in basic standards that Levi couldn’t help it, and it made him wonder if that had something to do with why he thought about Erwin as much as he did. Did he want to talk to him because he was lonely in a friendly way, or did he want something more? He wasn’t entirely sure, and even if he had been the thought was intimidating; Levi hadn’t had sex in as long as he hadn't had friends, and...well,  _ romance  _ was certainly a lot more nerve wracking than having a casual conversation with someone. He was attracted to him though - he couldn't deny it. Not when the sight of him bending over and throwing a huge bag of dirt over his shoulder one day made Levi tingle from head to toe, anyway, the image lingering in his mind for almost the entire rest of the fucking day no matter how much he tried to forget about it. 

Regardless though, even if he did have - dare he say it,  _ feelings _ \- there was no point in worrying about them, at least not right then. He may have set things as right as he could with his stupid popsicle apology, but he and Erwin hadn’t magically become friends or anything like that either. All Levi’s actions had done was to put him back at square one, in a position to start over when talking to him and to somehow not act like a piece of shit when he did so. In order for that to happen, he figured, he was probably going to have to take things one step at a time, which meant that he was going to have to figure out how to do more than just waving at Erwin occasionally from a window before he even considered anything else.

What could he do, though? Social interaction didn’t exactly come naturally to him, but Hange's suggestion to invite Erwin inside kept rattling around in his brain, and he wondered sometimes what Erwin might say if he asked him in for a cup of tea. Would he think it was weird, too much out of the blue? He wasn’t sure, and his tendency to overthink shit like that wasn’t helping him to come up with any positive answers. Deciding that since they had been the one to come up with the idea in the first place, Levi eventually asked them -  _ after  _ he’d accepted the fact that it was probably going to embarrass him.

_ hange.  _ He sent to them over Skype one rainy evening, sitting in his living room with a blanket, his laptop, a bowl of homemade minestrone soup, and a bottle of wine.

_hello, levi!!!! o/_ _how are you?_

_ not bad. isn’t it fucking weird to ask someone inside your house who you barely know? _

Levi dove right into it lest he lose his willingness to talk about it, hoping that Hange would know what he was referring to even if it had been weeks since they’d talked about it, and also hoping that they wouldn’t give him any shit.

_ why??? who are you inviting inside your house?! _

_ NO ONE.  _ Levi typed in all caps, a gut reaction that had him scowling. Pausing, he sighed, and then took a large sip from his glass of wine before continuing.  _ no one right now, idiot. i mean...i’m talking about the gardener. _

_ ohohohoho! i knew it. _

_ wow. you’re a genius.  _ Levi said, hoping that his dry, sarcastic tone was obvious through the internet.  _ i can’t believe you guessed it was him, out of all the the friends i have. _

_ what happened? i thought you didn’t want anything to do with him? _

_ i didn’t say that. _

Rather than give Levi a straight response, Hange paused, and then proceeded to type out the conversation they’d had word for word the last time they’d talked about it. At the time, he had been responding to Hange asking him what Erwin looked like, whether Erwin was nice, and their suggestion to invite him inside, and he hadn’t yet admitted that he’d been acting like a stubborn bastard over the entire situation. Now he had - at least just a little - and although Hange’s words made him feel a bit better about it, they also reminded him that he’d been an asshole to them too when he’d hung up on their Skype call.

_ i was being a dick then. i’m sorry, okay, now can you just answer the damn question? _

_ it depends. i mean, have you not talked to him at all?? _

_ i talked to him some... _

_ what did you say? _

Levi chewed on his lip, the expression ‘like pulling teeth’ coming to mind as he paused briefly before his fingers continued flitting over the keyboard.

_ i talked to him about the kids. and then i was a dick to him on accident. but i said i was sorry and he waves at me when he sees me, so i don’t think he hates me. _

_ LMAO.  _

Hange’s response made Levi glare at his laptop screen, using every ounce of willpower that he had to not slam it closed like he had the last time they’d talked about this. Frankly, he didn’t see what was so fucking funny about what he’d said. Didn’t Hange know that this was difficult for him? Didn’t they know that he had no friends to begin with that he ever saw, and that he didn’t know what the fuck he was doing after sitting around by himself inside his house for years?

Part of why he was struggling so much with his actions was his reluctance to scare Erwin away though, and that was what was causing him to second guess himself so badly. After all, he hadn’t  _ always  _ been like this, and he didn’t worry about how every single person he ever met perceived him either - just Erwin. It was ridiculous and made him feel stupid and embarrassed, but by then, he’d started to fear that if he didn’t get this right or figure out how to change anything, he’d end up being alone for the rest of his life.

That wasn’t something he wanted, but even so, Hange wasn’t fucking helping and their laughing at him wasn’t making him feel any better about any of this. Luckily, his silence seemed to indicate to them that they had pushed it too far, because before Levi could decide whether or not he wanted to end the conversation, they sent him a new message.

_ sorry, levi.  _ They said.  _ i’m just teasing. i don’t think it would be weird if you invited him inside, if it’s maybe for a snack or something. you’d just be being polite in that case, and it’s not like you’re asking him to come into your house and screw. i don’t see anything wrong with doing that either if you want to, but it would be pretty forward unlike a polite invitation for him to take a break!  _

Levi read Hange’s long response, stiffening when they mentioned he and Erwin ‘screwing.’ They meant fucking, of course, and although they had just been saying that as an example and hadn’t meant anything by it, it made Levi’s face burn all the same. Immediately, a dozen images ran through his mind, thoughts of what might happen if Levi actually did ask Erwin that. The best case scenario was that he’d say yes, of course, and Levi was too buzzed from his wine to even deny that thinking about sleeping with a man as good looking as Erwin didn’t affect him. However, he’d already decided that he had absolutely no intentions whatsoever of pursuing anything like that, and he doubted he could fucking handle himself anyway. 

_ levi?!  _ Hange said suddenly, the dinging sound from Levi’s laptop at their messaging snapping him out of his thoughts. It made him realize that he’d zoned out - clearly, his drink was affecting his attention span - and hadn’t answered them in several minutes.  _ did i piss you off again? i said i was sorry! come back, i have another idea! _

_ what?  _ Levi asked, hoping that their next suggestion would be something a little less daunting to him than inviting Erwin inside.

_ if you don’t want to ask him in, why don’t you bring him a glass of water when he’s working? its hot there, right? _

_ yeah. _ Levi responded, his eyes going unfocused as he not only thought about how warm it was, but about how it obviously affected Erwin too. He’d seen him wiping sweat from his brow enough times to know that it did, and had glimpsed how dark and damp it always made his blonde hair. It stuck to his forehead about as much as his tight, tight t-shirt did to his chest and back by the end of the day, and...well, needless to say, Levi’s mind had started to wander again.  _ its pretty fucking hot.  _

_ okay! good! i’m sure he’d appreciate it, he probably gets thirsty out there. _

_ “He’s not the only one.”  _ Levi thought to himself, chewing on his lip while considering the suggestion.

He liked that a lot better and actually felt like it was something he could manage, even if he wasn’t entirely sure that he wouldn’t say something stupid. It was friendly but also polite enough so that it didn’t seem strange, and either way, even if Erwin thought that it was, Levi could just say that he was trying to make sure his gardener didn’t get heat stroke, pass out in his yard, and try to sue him or some shit like that.

It was a solid plan, he thought, and fortunately, on the day that he chose to implement it, it was the hottest one they’d had during the summer so far. That was what the weather told him anyway, but even if Levi hadn’t checked, he would’ve suspected it because Erwin was sweating in full force before it was even lunchtime. He was cleaning the pool and Levi could see him perfectly through the heat waves filtering off the pavement of his patio, peeking out from behind a curtain and easily noticing how his forehead already looked damp and how ruddy his cheeks were from the sun. He stood there for a moment, watching him bend to check the water filter, biting his lip as if he was giving himself a moment to back out of this. Did he really want to go through with it?

Yes, he knew, he did. He at least wanted to try. So after another second he set down the broom he'd been sweeping with and went into the kitchen, picking out the largest, cleanest glass he could find from his cabinets. He filled it with ice, making sure to put enough to cool the water down but not adding  _ too _ much so that it wouldn’t get jammed up, and then poured water into it from his filtered pitcher.

Then he went to grab it, stopping himself with his hand outstretched before he could because he didn’t want to get fingerprints all over it. Smudged glasses were disgusting, he thought, and he wasn’t going to bring Erwin a drink in anything that might suggest the inside of his house wasn’t clean. Frowning, he looked around his kitchen until he saw a small tray, grabbing it so that he could carefully place the water on top of it without dirtying the glass. A second later he set it down again awkwardly - what was he, he thought, a fucking butler? - deciding that it might be too much and that he could just carry the drink out to him with a white cloth napkin wrapped around it instead.

It looked nice that way but not ridiculous, folded neatly around the glass and tucked into itself just like he’d learned from some cooking website. Deciding that he’d better get a move on because the ice was already starting to melt, Levi then made a beeline for his patio, determinedly focusing on what he was about to do so that he wouldn’t lose his nerve. He was going to fling open the door, he told himself, walk out onto the patio and down the steps, and stride right up to Erwin confidently and hand him the glass of water.  _ ‘It’s hot out. I brought you a drink.’ _ He would say, handing it to Erwin with a smile on his face - or at least, something that wasn’t a rude looking scowl. It was that simple, and if everything went well, Erwin would thank him and they might have a pleasant conversation.

That was what he hoped, but when Levi reached his back door and stepped outside, Erwin had moved on from changing the pool’s filter to fishing out bugs and leaves from the water with a long net. He was making his way around the edges of it and his back was to Levi, and it made him pause. How would he get his attention if Erwin didn’t see him coming? He supposed he could just say hello or something, but he made the mistake of starting to walk over before he had a fully formed idea, and when he got closer, when he was standing just a few feet behind Erwin at the pool, he stopped.

He’d padded over softly so Erwin hadn’t heard him, and Levi could hear him humming while he ran the net through the water. He was really fucking sweaty, Levi saw, so much so already that his forearms were glistening with it. They flexed as Erwin lifted the pole that the net was connected to, and Levi was so busy ogling them that he didn’t realize that Erwin was turning around to dump the dead leaves he’d gathered into a bucket beside him until it was too late.

Erwin caught sight of him as he twisted to the side and Levi stiffened, his eyes going wide when Erwin froze and met his gaze. To his credit, he didn’t look startled even though Levi was just standing there behind him silently and he couldn’t have known how long he’d been there, but it didn’t make Levi feel any less like an awkward, weird bastard.

_ Shit, shit, shit, shit. _ He thought in his head, over and over again and resisting the urge to grimace, because no, he couldn’t lose it like before and turn into a rude jerk just because he’d embarrassed himself. 

“Erwin.” He started, swallowing, trying to ignore the way his ears were burning and to remember the lines he’d practiced in his head before coming out there. “It’s shitty out. I mean, it’s hot, so I brought you some water. If you want it.”

“Oh.” Erwin said in response, his eyes going from Levi’s face to the glass he was holding in his outstretched hand. After a second’s pause where he studied it, presumably to verify that it was indeed water, he took it from him and smiled gratefully. “Thank you, Mr. Ackerman.”

Levi watched as he lifted the glass to his lips and drank deeply, finishing off half of it in just a few big gulps. He was obviously thirsty, Levi thought, and Erwin’s pleased sigh after he paused from drinking made Levi feel that he’d at least done something right. 

“It is hot, I have to admit.” Erwin said, pressing the glass to his forehead and closing his eyes for a moment. “And this is a lot better than the warm water I keep in my truck. It’s delicious.”

It was just fucking water, Levi wanted to say, probably because Erwin’s gratitude and growing smile was causing him to become flustered - not to mention the way his adam’s apple bobbed up and down when he lifted the glass to his lips again, finishing off the rest of the water and licking any excess off of his mouth when he was done.

Levi tried to ignore the way his heart was pounding as he watched him, biting his lip in an effort to keep himself focused so he wouldn’t say something stupid. Erwin’s dimples made a reappearance a moment later when he gave Levi his widest smile yet, handing him back the glass so that Levi was forced to tear his eyes away to take it. It was probably for the best, but it didn’t help him when Erwin thanked him again and he could only nod, wanting to say something else to keep the conversation going but not knowing what.

He frantically tried to think, his eyes flicking upward from the glass he was holding and back onto Erwin’s face again to see that he was giving him a curious look, his lips parted a bit as if he wanted to say something too. By then, though, the silence had stretched on long enough to become heavy and awkward, and in response, as an automatic reaction, they naturally both tried to fill it at the same time.

“I hope-”

“If you-”

Levi nearly cringed as they interrupted each other and both stopped speaking immediately, mortification suddenly prickling over his skin like fire. His face turned red and he resisted the urge to cover it, knowing that the action might just make everything worse, and instead found himself raising an eyebrow when Erwin suddenly laughed.

Just like that he brushed it off, and just like that, Levi felt strangely eased.

“Sorry. You go first, Mr. Ackerman.” Erwin said, swiping strands of sweaty blonde hair out of his eyes with the back of his hand.

Swallowing, Levi crossed his arms, trying to look as nonchalant as he could before speaking again. He’d been about to blurt the first thing that had come to his mind when they’d interrupted each other, but surprisingly, even after rethinking it, it still seemed like it was the right thing to say.

“I was going to say if you wanted more so you don’t have to drink your shitty water, just ring the bell.”

“Alright.” Erwin said, blinking a bit as if he hadn’t expected Levi to offer him anything else. “Thank you. I was going to say I hope it wasn’t too much trouble for you to bring it out here, but I guess if you’re offering me more, that wouldn’t make sense.”

“It’s not.” Levi answered, shrugging. “I don’t have much else to do in there, anyway.”

“What do you do?” Erwin asked, the slightest hint of interest in his voice.

“I clean. And cook.”

“And watch kids?”

“Yeah.” Levi said. He’d averted his eyes while they’d been talking up until that point, afraid that his cheeks would stay pink if he continued to stare at Erwin for too long, but at the mention of the kids, he couldn’t help but perk up a bit and look back at him. “They’re a bunch of brats, but they make it so my pool isn’t a waste. That’s why I let them come over.”

Erwin smiled again at that, a little differently as if he could see right through Levi’s attitude about the children. “That’s nice of you. They seemed to be having a lot of fun the other day. Is the girl related to you?”

Levi nodded at that, raising an eyebrow because although he and Mikasa did look a little similar, he hadn’t thought it was that obvious or that Erwin had been watching them that closely. “She’s a distant cousin, or something like that.”

“I see.” Erwin said, chuckling a bit at Levi’s insinuation of confusing, messy familial relations. He paused a moment and so did Levi, once again not sure what to say, but this time before the silence could grow awkward again Erwin cleared his throat and picked the pool net back up. “Well, I suppose I should get back to work so that your cousin and her friends have a clean pool to swim in. Thanks again for the water.”

“Yeah.” Levi said, for lack of a better response. 

He and Erwin looked at each other again for a moment before Levi realized that this was his cue to go back inside, and turned around quickly to take the empty glass back into the kitchen. While on the way, his eyes grew wider and wider as he replayed the conversation they’d just had in his head, his heart thumping with excitement rather than nervousness by then when he realized they’d just spoken for nearly five minutes without it being overly weird.

It had been awkward for a moment, but rather than say something rude or running away, Levi had overcome the urge, and they’d had what could be considered a short, but fairly normal conversation. It hadn’t really been about anything interesting and was really just polite small talk overall, but it had been something, and Levi had managed to both hold his own  _ and  _ give him the water without making a fool of himself. 

The relief he felt at not being completely inept put as much of a spring in Levi’s step as was possible for someone like him, and he cleaned for the rest of the day in relatively high spirits, unable to help himself from hoping in the back of his mind that Erwin might ring his bell for more water like he’d offered. He didn’t, much to Levi’s disappointment, but the interaction had made Levi feel a bit more confident in himself. 

After that, he was able to bring water to Erwin again without many nerves the next time he was working - two days later because he had been off after the last rainy day. He brought it out first thing in the morning this time after checking the weather and noticing that it was going to be terribly hot again, setting a whole pitcher of it under the umbrella on his patio table out back after Erwin had gotten busy.

“Hey.” He said, loudly enough to get Erwin’s attention from where he was mixing some kind of fertilizer in a large container just off the patio. “I’m leaving this shit here, alright?”

Erwin looked up immediately when he heard Levi’s voice, his eyes brightening and taking him in before he glanced to the pitcher of ice water Levi was referring to. 

“That’s nice of you, Mr. Ackerman.” He said, giving Levi a friendly smile and wiping off his hands. “Thank you.”

Despite his newfound inkling of ease around Erwin, Levi was unable to keep his cheeks from reddening at his gratitude. 

“Yeah, well, I just don’t want to be responsible for you getting heatstroke on my property or whatever.” He said, biting his lip and turning to go back inside a moment later, Erwin’s rich laughter following him in all the way through the door and into the kitchen.

The rest of his day was spent cleaning, of course, or at least, trying to. Every time he got absorbed into a task his mind would drift, and apparently it was intent on only drifting to one subject: Erwin. He found himself wondering if he’d drank the water he’d left outside and wanted more, and whether or not he should go outside and check. It wasn’t that he was actually concerned about him passing out or getting sick from the heat, it was just that, well, that was the only way he’d established to talk to him so far that hadn’t ended with him being an asshole, and Levi found that the more interaction he had with Erwin the more he wanted. 

He wasn’t sure what that said about himself or about how  _ starved  _ for company he might actually be - a thought that made him grimace - but he couldn’t help it, and he couldn’t help himself from thinking of excuses to go outside that didn’t have to do with the water, because he feared that if he asked him about that again he might come across as too eager, or overbearing or strange, or like a weird stalker.

It was kind of exhausting being this insecure, Levi thought while he scrubbed a section of his kitchen floor, questioning every single thing he did because he’d let himself get this fucked up and closed off from everyone else. It was his own fault, but that didn’t make it any less frustrating, and ultimately, in the end, what made him decide to go back outside after lunch. 

The first thing he did was take out the trash - a task that he normally did before bed - and then check his mail, standing on his front porch going through it instead of doing it inside because Erwin was pulling dead leaves off of a tree next to his driveway. About an hour later he pretended to be very concerned about a smudge on the outside pane of one of his large side windows, and then he shampooed a rug that didn’t need it just so he could hang it over the railing of his patio. He managed to catch Erwin giving him a few sparing glances throughout all of it, but that was it, and so around mid-afternoon he gave up and decided to go bring him more water. 

Only, when he went out back with a fresh pitcher he saw that Erwin was nowhere to be found, and now starting to feel discouraged and more than a little pathetic, Levi just replaced the empty pitcher on the patio table with a new one, stalking back inside and loading it into the dishwasher before he got back to cleaning what he was actually supposed to that day. He’d let himself get off off schedule because of all his trips outside, and now if he was to finish the chores he was supposed to do he’d be working long after his normal dinnertime. 

Huffing irritably, he made his way back up to the second floor of his house, to one of the guest bathrooms that he’d been cleaning. He finished up there and then cleaned the adjoining bedroom, and then another one too, somehow managing to work for an entire hour and a half without getting distracted or pre-occupied with thoughts of Erwin. When he went into his own bedroom to clean his curtains, though, he stopped, biting his lip because  _ his  _ room faced the back of the house, and he had a perfect view of the pool and surrounding patio from out his big windows.

He stood there a moment, debating on whether to take a look when it was unlikely to lead to anything, but decided that just one quick peek wouldn’t hurt if he was checking to see if Erwin needed more water. That was all he was going to do, and besides, Erwin might not even be out there, right?

With that possibility in mind, Levi allowed himself to glance out the window, only to freeze instantly when his eyes traitorously sought out Erwin rather than the water pitcher. He was getting ready to clean the pool again, Levi saw, and not only was he in the backyard, he was taking his fucking shirt off. Levi had caught him just as he’d started to peel the sweat-soaked material from his lower belly, his fingers digging into the hem of it right before he dragged it upward.

The movement not only allowed a large amount of bare skin to be revealed in an instant, but also made Erwin’s muscles ripple, the motion of him raising his arms and tugging his shirt off causing them flex and shift and bulge in ways that were clearly visible to Levi from the view he had. It also caused his eyes to go lidded and his mouth to drop open, because what the fuck was he looking at, a 22 year old kid or a goddamn statue?

Erwin was  _ big _ , Levi thought, defined beautifully in a way that he didn’t know was possible. He’d suspected he was ripped because Levi had stared at his biceps enough by then to try to figure out what the rest of him might look like, and needless to say, it certainly was not disappointing. His mouth practically watered while he looked at him, at how the dips and curves of his abs glistened with sweat in the sunlight and how his pectorals seemed to bunch when he lifted the net to start cleaning out the pool.

He was almost hypnotized while he watched him, taking him in over and over again from the neck down. His chest was bare as far as he could tell from this far away, unsurprising given his age, but his navel was decorated with a swirl of dark blonde hair that trailed downward, lower over his belly until it disappeared into his pants. His fucking pants, Levi thought, which rode just beneath the jut of two sharp hipbones, angled in a way that drew Levi’s eyes back up to his trim waist. His broad shoulders made it look thin, and by the time Erwin turned around to unknowingly show Levi his back, he’d lost count of how many times he’d looked him up and down from the top of his blonde head to the bottom of his toes.

His trance was only broken because Erwin happened to drop his net with a loud clatter, the sound making Levi jump and suddenly jerk his open curtains closed like he’d actually been caught. He hadn’t, but he hadn’t meant to gape at him like that either, but  _ fuck _ , he couldn’t help it. Erwin was so beautiful that Levi hadn’t been able to look away, his gaze caught for so long that the image of him working on his pool shirtless, sweaty, and with his tanned skin glowing golden in the sun was now seared into his brain. 

Picturing him even with the curtains closed, Levi couldn’t help but imagine what it might feel like to touch him, how firm his muscles probably were and how warm his skin would be. It was probably soft too, he thought, swallowing thickly and imagining how his small hand would look wrapped around Erwin’s thick forearm. A half second later and he was picturing himself holding Erwin down onto a bed like that, and before Levi knew it, he had a raging hard-on in his pants. It was accompanied by a heated flare of arousal in his belly too, one far stronger and more desperate than anything else he had felt in a long, long time. 

Suddenly, after barely giving it any thought, he was backing up across the floor of his room until his legs hit the edge of his bed, falling down onto it and hurriedly tugging the waistband of his pants down. He shimmied out of them until they were over his hips and his cock was free, the movement allowing him to take it in one palm while letting out a small gasp. On instinct, his free hand flew up to cover his mouth after the first tug as if he was trying to quiet himself, only realizing a moment later that of course, no one else was in his house. 

He was alone, he thought, he was  _ always  _ alone, and there was no way that Erwin could hear him outside unless he just started fucking screaming or something. That wasn’t going to happen, and so instead of trying to keep himself silent, Levi used his free hand to cup his balls while he kept going in earnest instead, the next sound that left his mouth ringing out loud and free and accompanied by the slick noises of his fingers moving more urgently along the length of his cock.

He was leaking quite a bit for the short amount of time that he’d been hard, but he almost couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this worked up. He didn’t know why; it wasn’t like he didn’t look at porn occasionally on the internet and do this - he was a shut-in, not dead - but he supposed that it had gotten dull, and seeing Erwin, a real, live person right in front of him like that had lit a fire inside his belly, one so immediate that he’d basically ripped his pants off and started bucking up into his palm like he was a horny teenager again.

He’d felt desperate from the get go, too impatient already for anything other than a quick release, and he had so far moved with enough purpose so that he hadn’t really had a chance to conjure up any images yet. When he did though, the only thing that popped up into his mind was the person who had prompted all of this in the first place, visions of Erwin’s bare, broad chest dancing behind Levi’s closed eyes and driving him on further. 

He stroked himself more quickly, tightening his palm around his length and twisting his wrist over the head, moaning and gasping and lifting his ass up off the bed. His toes curled in the carpet and his back arched when he grew closer, the pleasure building so quickly that he was almost overwhelmed with it. Before he knew it his next cry was cut off as his breath hitched, a shudder running through his entire body as he abruptly came all over himself. His cock spurted warm liquid right up onto his chest, making a mess of his shirt and the bottom of his belly, and somewhere in the back of his mind, Levi realized that it had hit him so hard he’d even felt a splash of it against the bottom of his chin too. 

Immediately he let go of himself because everything was suddenly too sensitive, and for a few seconds all he could do was lie there while his orgasm washed over him, breathing harshly through his mouth until the warm rush had faded into nothing more than a dull tingle. He then opened his eyes from where he’d closed them and bit his lip, his cheeks flushing hot as he realized what he’d just done. He should probably be ashamed of himself, he thought, but before he could really start to contemplate it, he was,  _ of course _ , interrupted by the loud sound of his doorbell ringing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's to levi becoming less anxious :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey.” Levi said, the sound of his voice causing Erwin to abruptly straighten and turn around. “Want to come in?”

_ “Shit!”  _ Levi swore, sitting up with a start, unsure for a split second whether or not he had actually heard his doorbell. 

He’d been half in a daze when it had gone off and now things were silent, but it didn’t last. A moment later and the chiming echoed loudly throughout his house again, confirming that he hadn’t imagined it and that there was actually someone on his front porch. It had to be Erwin too, he thought in a near panic, because there was no one else that Levi could think of that might show up there that day. He wasn’t expecting any deliveries and the kids weren’t coming either, but still, he looked around for his phone or tablet or anything that would allow him to check his cameras. 

It was an automatic action and done out of instinct because he didn’t like dealing with salesmen or whoever the fuck else might come to his door randomly, but there weren’t any devices in his room, and anyway, he didn’t have time. If there was any possibility that the person ringing his bell  _ was  _ Erwin, Levi had to answer it before he gave up because he didn’t want him to think he was ignoring him. 

That was the last thing he needed, especially after Levi had been hoping to talk to him all afternoon anyway. Cursing again, he rolled off his bed and practically ripped his come-covered shirt over his head, tucking his cock back into his pants and grabbing the first top he saw in his closet before pulling it on haphazardly and rushing out of his room. He practically flew down the stairs and across the bottom floor of his house to his front door, fumbling a bit as he unlocked it, throwing it open a moment later to find Erwin standing on his porch with the empty water pitcher he’d given him that morning and a glass.

Fortunately or unfortunately, Levi was not sure which, he’d put his shirt back on, and his eyes went a little wide out of surprise when Levi appeared in a flurry, still trying to catch his breath from jerking off and running across his house. He knew that he must look wild and he tried to compose himself, but the way Erwin subsequently glanced at him caught him so off guard that he couldn’t. It was different than all the other times he’d looked at Levi before, his stare longer and well...more  _ purposeful _ , like instead of just politely focusing on him while they were talking he was gazing at him to take all of him in instead. He did just that too, his lips parting while his eyes ran over him, digesting Levi’s appearance from the very top of his head to the bottom of his toes. 

It only lasted a second or two, in truth, but it made Levi feel so thrown off that he froze in place. Had Erwin just been checking him out? Was that what that was? Levi couldn’t really think of any other reason for Erwin’s gaze to be lingering over him like that right then, and although it did make his heart skip a beat and a small thrill go through him, it also made every single inch of his skin prickle with a flustered, hot flush. He knew he must have been red all over, but surprisingly, before he could curse himself for it, he looked up into Erwin’s face and realized that unless he was imagining it,  _ his  _ cheeks had gone pink too. 

Was he blushing, Levi wondered, or was it just the sun? 

“Ah.” Erwin started then, interrupting the silence by finally speaking and looking up into Levi’s eyes. He swallowed, smiling in a way that seemed a bit sheepish, and cleared his throat, all as if he realized he’d just been staring and was embarrassed. Either that or he was worried Levi was going to yell at him for it, but this time there was no danger of that. Somehow Levi had kept it together and wasn’t overwhelmed enough to panic and lash out, but he was also far, far too taken aback to even say anything. “Mr. Ackerman. I just wanted to bring this back to you, and to thank you again for the water. It helps a lot. It’s hot. Outside, I mean.”

Levi’s eyebrow raised at what Erwin said all by itself, even as he wondered why he’d worded the last part so strangely. What was the clarification for? What else could he have been talking about but outside? Levi didn’t know and felt that it would be awkward to ask, and anyway, Erwin was waiting on him for a response. Nodding instead of fumbling for words, Levi bit his lip, shifting inside the doorway while his heart pounded and watching as Erwin’s eyes flickered over him again. 

It was quick, but he still noticed it, and this time Levi was barely able to restrain his curse. Was the blush on his face  _ ever  _ going to have a chance to go away? 

“Sorry if I interrupted something, I-” Erwin started, only to be cut off when Levi suddenly opened his mouth. 

“I’m cooking.” He blurted, reaching out to take the pitcher and glass. “I’m cooking, and it started burning. I had to rush to put that shit out.”

It was an attempt to explain why he looked like he did because Erwin had obviously noticed, and the last thing Levi wanted him to think was that he’d been inside playing with his dick. However, the excuse he’d picked - or rather, the one that had popped into his mind first - made him grimace too, because now he sounded like a shitty cook. He hadn’t burned a meal in over a year, and he was actually proud enough of that fact to not want Erwin to think he was moments away from setting his house on fire whenever he was in the kitchen. 

Luckily, though, Erwin didn’t seem to be thinking anything like that. If he was he at least didn’t show it, and instead just smiled, chuckling a bit at whatever emergency he was imagining Levi dealing with inside of his head. 

“Oh, I’m sorry.” He said again. “I hope it’s not ruined. I’ll let you get back to dinner, then. Have a good night.”

The next thing Levi knew, Erwin was lifting his hand up in a goodbye gesture, turning around a second after he’d managed to slowly wave back at him and leaving him standing on the porch. Apparently he was done for the day because he started heading towards his car, reaching into his pocket to fish out his keys and causing Levi’s stare to immediately slide downward. Before he could get caught up gazing at his ass in the tight jeans he was wearing, though, he swallowed, forcing himself to look away and step back inside his house. 

Closing the door behind him, he just stood there for a moment, holding the empty glass and pitcher and reflecting over what had just fucking happened. Although his heart was still hammering in his chest and he felt a bit like he was riding the end of an adrenaline wave, Levi actually felt positive that their conversation had gone as well as it did. It could’ve been a lot worse, after all, considering what Levi had been doing and his tendency to lose his shit when he was flustered, which, of course, definitely had been made worse because of how Erwin had  _ gazed  _ at him.

It was such a small thing, such a quick, seconds long glance that Levi was probably blowing out of proportion, but he just couldn’t forget it. Why had Erwin done that? Had he really been checking him out? Levi’s first instinct was to say no, of course not, because he was Erwin’s boss and 34 fucking years of age - too old for someone as young as Erwin to probably hold any interest in. That was what he told himself, but still, when he replayed Erwin’s glance in his mind, remembering how his eyes had lowered over him and back up again,  _ slowly _ , he couldn’t help but be reminded of how similar it seemed to the way that  _ he  _ looked at  _ Erwin.  _

The only difference was that Levi only did it when Erwin wasn’t looking, which was why he told himself that Erwin couldn’t have been thinking the same things he always did while he’d stared at him. It had been so noticeable and obvious, and was Erwin really that bold to openly gape at his boss, who not that long ago had been yelling at him whenever they’d spoken? Levi wasn’t sure, but he didn’t seem like the type to not have enough control over himself to do it accidentally either. 

Regardless, he thought, he probably shouldn’t be thinking about this so much. Hadn’t he already told himself that even if he  _ did  _ have the hots for Erwin - something that was actually undeniable at this point, considering he’d thought about him while he’d jerked off - he wouldn’t, and couldn’t do anything about it? He had, he reminded himself, because he could barely manage to have a normal, friendly, 5 minute conversation with him without screwing it up, much less even begin to think about flirting or innuendo or anything to do with actual romantic relationships.

The thought made anxiousness curl in his belly still, but he also couldn’t help feel the tiniest, exhilarating thrill at the possibility that Erwin had gazed at him with less than innocent thoughts. He’d liked Erwin staring at him like that, he realized, as much as what it might mean made him nervous too. It was exciting to imagine, and even though he didn’t intend to find out why Erwin had actually looked him up and down like that, the thought still made him flush and bite his lip. 

Perhaps it was that, or the fact that he was still riding the leftover endorphins from his jerk-off session, but Levi was suddenly in a much better mood, a warm, fluttery feeling settling inside his chest as he started moving again and headed towards his kitchen. It lasted for a good minute or two, causing him to wonder if it might happen again the next time he saw Erwin, right up until he walked past a mirror that he had hanging in his hallway and stopped.

He’d gone to round the corner into the kitchen and glimpsed his reflection out of the corner of his eye, a sudden,  _ horrible  _ realization hitting him right as he turned his head.

There was come on him, he saw, come underneath his chin and on part of his neck from where he’d released all over himself. He’d felt it hit when he’d finished, he remembered, but in his rush to get downstairs after the doorbell had rang he’d fucking forgotten about it. It was dry by then and it was only a tiny, thin stripe on his skin, but it was noticeable if one were looking, and in Levi’s opinion, it was pretty obvious what it was. 

“Shit.” He breathed out loud, a flash of panic going through him as his eyes went wide. “Shit,  _ shit _ -”

He cut himself off to practically bolt into the closest bathroom, setting the pitcher and glass down on the counter so he could wipe himself off. He used water and soap and a cloth he had stored under the sink, and although he’d removed the spot within seconds, the damage, he knew, had already been done. It had been on his skin the entire time he’d been talking to Erwin,  _ right there _ while he’d stood just 2 feet away from him. In Levi’s mind there was no way he hadn’t seen it, and not only had that been there, but he also looked like he’d gone a round with several men somehow, despite the fact that he’d only been masturbating for about 5 minutes. 

His bangs were askew and the back of his hair was sticking up, he saw in the mirror, and there were even a few strands stuck to his forehead from the sweat that had bloomed there. His cheeks were ruddy - even worse now, of course, but no doubt just as bad when he’d answered the door - and although he’d sworn he’d put his clothes on properly, his shirt was rumpled and twisted and his pants weren’t even on straight, sitting crooked on his hips like he’d just jerked them up in a rush -  which, of course, he had. 

“Fuck.” Levi said in a small voice, standing there, just staring at himself in the mirror with a grimace. 

He felt so embarrassed, ashamed, and  _ stupid  _ that his ears were burning, frustration welling up inside him too and nearly making him groan. What the hell was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he go one day without making a fucking fool of himself, and furthermore, why hadn’t he just taken a second to look in the damned mirror before he’d gone downstairs?

In his mind, his appearance - and not to mention the fucking  _ jizz  _ on his neck - made it more than obvious just what it was that he’d been doing, which meant that the excuse he’d given Erwin about cooking had probably just fallen flat and seemed completely transparent. All that did was add to his mortification, and suddenly, when he remembered that he’d briefly thought their conversation had gone well, all Levi wanted to do was go upstairs to lie in his bed and hide. 

The thought of Erwin seeing him like that was almost too much to bear, as he was sure that he now thought Levi was some kind of weird pervert. That was probably why he’d been looking at him so intently, he thought, because he couldn’t believe what he was seeing, and Levi had weirded him out to the point that he’d just continued to stare. The possibility of Erwin taking him in because he’d liked what he’d seen didn’t even cross Levi’s mind again, because he was too busy beating himself up and feeling embarrassed, chastising himself for jerking off to Erwin too like he’d done in the first place. 

This was probably what he got for doing shit like that, he thought, deciding that if Erwin now saw him as a creep...well, he’d be right. He was the one who’d gotten all worked up staring at him from his window like some weirdo stalker, pulling his pants down next and jerking off quite enthusiastically while imagining him shirtless. He hadn’t meant for that to happen and certainly hadn’t started staring at Erwin with the intent to masturbate, but he’d just gotten the urge so fast, and it was just...he hadn’t felt like that in a long, long time. 

During the moment it had been like he couldn’t help it, but that wasn’t an excuse, not really. Now, because of his actions and the mortifying aftermath, he’d probably just ruined everything all over again, making the apology he’d managed with the popsicle meaningless and erasing every baby step he’d taken towards making a new friend. Why would Erwin ever want to talk to him again after what he’d seen, Levi reasoned, and even if he did, was there any way he’d be able to face him? 

Levi didn’t know, and right then, the thought just make him feel so humiliated that he thought he might be sick, cursing himself because it seemed that no matter what he did and how hard he tried, he was apparently just doomed to be lonely. He was shit at making friends and he was shit at trying to act normal at all, apparently, and with thoughts like that rattling around his brain again, it was no wonder that Levi spent the rest of the day feeling down and morose, so much so that he was barely able to force himself to finish his chores. Somehow he did, but after that, all he could manage for dinner was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, finding that not even the idea of cooking an intricate, delicious meal could cheer him up that night. 

Ending his day with a bottle of wine and a few hours of television on his couch, Levi eventually stumbled into bed, drawing the blankets up over his head and wishing he could forget about all of this. That was a fruitless thought, but as it turned out, Levi had been overreacting, worrying about Erwin’s impression of him all over again for nothing. 

It wasn’t surprising that his anxiousness had gotten the better of him, not really, but he couldn’t help it. He was going out of his comfort zone and doing things that he hadn't done in years, and although that was what seemed to be making it worse, Levi was determined not to let it get the better of him. He woke up the next morning with that thought in mind, still feeling terribly embarrassed but not as despondent about the situation as he had the day before. 

Was there a way for him to fix it, wondered? Could he apologize like before, or would that just make things worse? Regardless, somehow he didn't think that giving Erwin a popsicle with the word ‘sorry’ written on it was going to solve all his problems this time, but before he could start fretting about coming up with something else, his doorbell rang again. 

He’d just finished breakfast when he heard it chiming, and immediately froze with the empty plate he’d been eating off of in his hands. He’d felt well enough to make something easy like pancakes that morning, and was on his way to putting up the few he hadn’t eaten before he stopped. Again, like they had the day before, Levi’s eyes widened, and he went through a mental list of all the possible people that might show up at his house at that hour, setting his plate down and going for his tablet to check the cameras.

Right as he pulled up the application he realized that once again, no one was expected, and just like the previous afternoon, Erwin was standing on his doorstep. His blonde hair was shining in the morning sunlight like it always did, and in the brief second that Levi took to watch him and confirm that he was, in fact, looking for him again despite what had happened the day before, he yawned. It made his eyes squeeze shut and caused his mouth to stretch out wide, and when he was done, he even rubbed at his face a little, still looking sleepy despite the fact that it was 10:30 in the morning. It was  _ cute _ , Levi thought, so cute that it made his heart flutter and his cheeks warm, and before he could even start to work up enough anxiety to keep him from answering the door, he put his tablet down and headed towards his hallway with a purpose.

While on the way he adjusted his clothing, wiping his face with the t-shirt he wore just in case there happened to be anything on it - food or otherwise. He didn’t think there was but it wouldn’t hurt to be sure after yesterday, and although he felt a brief, intense resurgence of embarrassment when he got to the door, he didn’t hesitate in unlocking it and swinging it open, blinking up at Erwin when they were finally face to face and he gave him a small smile. 

“Good morning, Mr. Ackerman.” Erwin said, his tone friendly. 

“Uh.” Levi responded, staring before he swallowed, finding that he was a bit dumbfounded that after all his worrying, Erwin was there acting like nothing had even happened. “Hey.”

“I’m sorry to bother you, but I was hoping that I could have some water. If it’s not too much trouble, that is. It’s supposed to be quite hot out today, even before lunch.”

For a moment, Levi remained frozen. He almost couldn’t believe that Erwin was talking to him, seemingly unbothered by the fact that he’d glimpsed him yesterday looking like a fucked out mess with come on his chin. Wasn’t he weirded out? Didn’t he think Levi was a gross, old creep, or was there a possibility that he hadn’t seen it after all? 

_ Or maybe he just doesn't care. _ Levi thought to himself, almost scoffing out loud a second later because it seemed so unlikely. Either way, though, Erwin wasn’t bothered, and had even come to his door first thing in the morning to ask him for water. It made Levi feel relieved, if not stupid for worrying so much, but also...well, a bit cheerful. Still, another second passed before he realized that he still hadn’t said anything and needed to speak, because Erwin’s face was starting to fall like he’d done something wrong. 

" _ Yeah. _ " He blurted then, nodding once. "Want a pitcher?"

"Please." Erwin said, practically sighing with relief. “With ice.”

“Alright.”

“Thank you.”

Nodding again, Levi tried not to stare when Erwin gave him another smile. He knew he should be moving to go get the water - it  _ was  _ sweltering out already, he noticed, Erwin was right - but his lips had curved up enough for them to dimple his cheeks again, and his blue eyes were standing out brightly as they fixed on Levi’s face. He was so tall, Levi thought, and built, but nothing about him in that moment was imposing. It was a realization that gave Levi the urge to say something else again, to continue their conversation so that they could talk about something other than water or whatever lame shit Levi happened to be doing inside his house at the time.

“Uh.” He said again, biting his lip, glancing away when Erwin raised an eyebrow. His ears had already started to burn and he’d faltered, but he’d already opened his mouth, he told himself. He had to keep going. “You wear sunscreen, right?”

“Yes.” Erwin said, chuckling like he found Levi’s question amusing. 

“Good. Sunburn is shitty.” Levi responded, ignoring the voice in his head that was telling him he sounded like a fucking idiot. 

He didn’t know why he’d asked about the sunscreen; it had just been the first thing that had popped into his mind, probably because it was hot out. And, he had to admit, he  _ had  _ noticed how Erwin’s cheeks were starting to turn pink again, certainly from the sun. 

“It is. I’ve learned that the hard way. Why do you ask?”

“I dunno.” Levi said, shifting in the doorway, struggling to come up with an explanation. His mind filled with a litany of curses, and he practically chewed on his lip with the effort that it took not to get flustered. 

Somehow, though, he managed to not freak out, lifting his eyes away from the ground before he spoke again. Surprisingly enough, it was just in time to catch Erwin’s gaze, lowered and fixed intently on his mouth - obvious, but only lasting for a split second before he glanced away, his head snapping back up as if he’d caught himself when he’d realized Levi had looked up. 

“I-” Levi uttered, flushing hotly like he’d done the day before. He was embarrassed because he didn’t know what to say, and felt like an idiot for asking such a random question. Erwin’s eyes on him - whatever the reason might be for that - weren’t helping either, but instead of lashing out like he might have done before to seem nonchalant, Levi just crossed his arms and scoffed lightly. “I just don’t want you to fucking die on my property, okay? I don’t need a bigass corpse ruining my grass.”

For some reason, that made Erwin laugh - loudly. The volume of it took Levi off guard and his eyes widened before he could stop himself, staring up at Erwin like he couldn’t believe he’d said something to amuse him that much. 

“I won’t die.” Erwin said, as the last of his chuckling died down. “As long as I stay hydrated, which is why I appreciate the water very much. It helps a lot, but thank you for the concern.”

“Yeah…whatever.” Levi mumbled, his stomach flipping once from Erwin’s words. 

He sounded grateful enough to make Levi feel good, his chest growing warm at the thought that he’d done something to please Erwin - even if it  _ was  _ just giving him water. It was also doing a lot towards making Levi not seem like an asshole, apparently, although if Erwin had noticed the...well, the  _ fluid  _ on his chin the day before and was still talking to him, could it be that Erwin was just incredibly hard to offend? Levi didn’t know and it didn’t really matter, as that was the last fucking thing he wanted to do anyway. Right then, he figured, he needed to go inside and get the water now that Erwin had mentioned it again, because by then he’d lingered too much and it was starting to feel awkward.

“I’ll be right back.” He announced, not bothering to close the door behind him as he turned quickly, heading towards his kitchen to get Erwin his water. 

This time, he did arrange everything on a tray nicely, finding that it was easier to carry that way and looked neat. He filled a pitcher with equal amounts of ice and cold, filtered water, and got Erwin a large glass too, wrapping cloths around both the containers to absorb whatever moisture might drip off the outside of them. On his way out, he even grabbed a lemon after glimpsing it in the fruit basket on his counter, biting his lip for a moment and trying to decide if it would be overkill. 

In the end, he figured that based on his reactions to what Levi had given him already, Erwin would be polite and grateful for it, the thought that it might get another smile out of him prompting Levi to set the tray down again and slice up the lemon quickly. He put the pieces on a small plate and hurried back to his front door with it, briefly worrying that he’d taken too long and Erwin would be gone. However, when he rounded the corner he saw that not only was he still on his porch, he was actually halfway inside his house, leaning with his back against the door frame with his head tipped back. His eyes were closed and as Levi paused, a bit surprised to see him like that, he lifted a hand to push his hair back, wiping at his forehead too and causing Levi to realize that he was cooling off and enjoying his air conditioning. 

“Hey.” He said, the sound of his voice causing Erwin to abruptly straighten and turn around. “Want to come in?”

Erwin - who had stepped back outside like he’d been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to - raised his eyebrows, glancing down at the tray Levi was carrying and then back up into his steadily reddening face again. He’d fucking blurted the question out before he could even think about it, his mind telling him that it was the perfect opportunity for him to do so without seeming stupidly eager. Hange would be proud of him, he thought, as that had been their idea in the first place, but hadn’t he been unsure about the idea? Hadn’t it made him too nervous before? It had, and although it still did now, he’d gone and done it anyway, leaving himself standing there with a horrible pit of nerves in his belly.

“You mean, inside your house?” Erwin asked like he couldn’t believe what he’d heard, his question just further adding to Levi’s mortification.

“Yeah.” He forced himself to say though, clutching the tray so hard that he thought it might dent the edges. “Yeah, I mean...uh, because it’s so hot. If you want to take a break, or whatever, it doesn’t matter if-”

Levi cut himself off when Erwin smiled then, humming a small laugh that Levi felt could only be in response to his babbling. It made his cheeks go even more red than they probably already were, but there was nothing he could do about it. Besides, he didn’t get the sense that Erwin thought he was weird or anything, just amusing, and for some reason that he didn’t really understand, that made him feel a bit better. 

“That’s very nice of you.” Erwin said, while Levi practically held his breath. “Can I take you up on the offer later? I need to get to work, and lay some fertilizer before it gets too hot out.”

At his response, Levi’s eyes widened. For a brief moment he’d thought Erwin was going to say no, refusing him because he’d been too forward, or awkward, or strange, but he didn’t. Instead he’d accepted it and asked if he could come inside later after he’d worked some, which was perfectly fine with Levi because it wasn’t like he’d invited him in with an actual plan or anything. In fact, this was probably better, because now he had time to prepare himself and make sure his house was spotless and straight, and to take a couple of deep breaths and calm the fuck down a little before he came in. 

“Yeah.” He breathed after a moment where he swallowed and told himself to speak, thrusting the tray of water and lemons out to Erwin so that he could take it. “Yeah, that’s fine. Whenever.”

“Okay. Thanks again.” Erwin replied, looking down. 

He took the tray from Levi’s hands and immediately caught sight of the lemons when he did so, glancing back up, and - just as Levi had predicted - giving him a warm, grateful smile in response. 

“You gave me lemons.” He said, sounding both amused and almost, Levi thought, awed. “Did you treat your other gardner this well, or is it just me?”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Wait." Hange murmured. "Do you have a crush on this man, Levi?”

“Uh.” Levi uttered, feeling like he'd just been hit by a truck at Erwin's comment - a stupidly charming, utterly flustering, and overwhelmingly  _ cute _ truck that Levi didn't know how to deal with. 

Was Erwin  _ flirting _ with him? Is that what this was, or was he just teasing him? Weren't they sometimes the same thing? Levi didn't have the slightest idea, and even if he thought he did, his mind was too busy running in circles for him to figure out Erwin’s meaning. All he knew was that there wasn't any way for him to answer without admitting that it  _ was  _ just Erwin, because Levi couldn't lie and Erwin had unknowingly - or perhaps knowingly, who knew - hit the nail right on the head. He didn't think it would be weird if he told him the truth or even that his last gardener was just an asshole, but the idea embarrassed Levi all the same, making him nervous so that he just stood there for a moment while his face steadily turned into a tomato.

“I'm sorry.” Erwin said then, smiling and chuckling and speaking as if he'd noticed Levi's silence and was attempting to fill it. “I'm only joking. Thank you again for the water, and the lemons. I'll see you later.”

“Okay.” Levi somehow managed to breath out in response, lifting a hand to his chest to clutch at his shirt almost unconsciously after Erwin had turned to walk away. 

He was confused, flustered, and struggling to comprehend the situation, but somehow, unlike nearly every other time before that, he didn't feel anxious. Instead, he felt what might have been happiness and excitement, because that had gone well and this time Levi knew for a fucking fact that there wasn't anything embarrassing on his face. He was thankful for it, because that interaction had all but erased his worries over what had happened the day before, and...well, he had actually invited Erwin inside and he'd said  _ yes _ .

It was a simple thing, another baby step even if it was a bit of a larger one, but it was enough for Levi to feel more confident and sure in himself, and for him to think that perhaps he could do this after all. It seemed like he wasn't a complete failure - either that or Erwin was just too nice for his own good - and if Erwin really did take a break inside his house later, maybe he would start to feel more comfortable with these types of things and behave less oddly. 

Levi hoped he would, and he hoped that he wouldn't fuck it up somehow either. That thought was perhaps what led him to make a beeline for his laptop after he'd cleaned his kitchen, showered vigorously, and dressed himself in a button down shirt and dark jeans, deciding that he was at a point where it would be stupid of him not to ask for advice. He didn’t like the idea, but if he screwed this up then he didn't know if he'd get another chance, and if that happened and he hadn’t asked for help when he could have, he wasn’t sure if he could deal with another round of intense self-loathing.

Besides, he thought, he didn’t want to waste the opportunity he had either, and regardless of whether it was the last one he’d get or not, he certainly didn’t want a repeat of any of the humiliating, disastrous encounters that they’d had before. Unfortunately for him, this meant that he was going to have to talk to Hange - a thought that he found beyond embarrassing when he imagined himself explaining to them in depth what was going on. He was already anticipating them teasing him heavily, but as much as he was dreading it, he also found himself actually hoping deep down that they might provide him with some reassurance too. 

He was nervous about all of this, of course, terribly so, and although he was doing a decent job of not focusing on it as much as he normally did so far, he wasn’t sure if he could keep it up - especially when, after his conversation with Erwin that morning, there was one specific thing that he wanted to ask Hange that he just couldn’t seem to get out of his head. 

_ hange. _ He said to them while keeping all of that in mind, sending them a message on Skype as soon as he had logged in. 

He did it so fast that he didn’t even bother to look and see whether they were actually online, but Hange was  _ always  _ online, always answering him quickly too when he signed on - except, apparently, when he really,  _ really  _ needed to fucking talk to them for once. 

“Fuck.” Levi muttered when they didn’t answer, sending them another few messages after a minute when he saw that they weren’t actually offline. 

There was a small green circle by their name indicating that they were there and not even away, so what the hell were they doing?

_ hey. hange. _ He typed, chewing on his lip while he waited for a response.  _ where are you? _

Ten more minutes passed without Levi getting a message back, and he began to wonder if Hange was actually getting some sleep for once. It was late where they were, he knew, but why had they left their Skype on? Had they forgotten to sign off? Levi wasn’t sure and he had no way of knowing, but because of that, he decided to just call them, hoping that once he initiated a video chat the ringing from their computer would attract their attention -  _ if  _ they happened to be close by, anyway. 

Luckily, they were, but it took what seemed like half a dozen rings for them to finally answer, greeting Levi with their face pressed almost right up against the camera as usual. 

_ “Levi?!?!” _ Hange said loudly, squinting at his image through what appeared to be not only their thick glasses, but a pair of goggles too.

They covered their face completely and were just as messy as everything else about them, covered in enough dust and dirt so that Levi was surprised that they could actually see him. Apparently they could, though, because after Levi just made a face at them through his camera, they pulled back, revealing an image of themselves wrapped in a long, filthy lab coat that they were wearing over pajamas.

“What the hell are you doing?” Levi asked when he noticed that, realizing that Hange was also not in their house where they usually Skyped from.

They appeared to be in a lab of some sort, he thought, if the weird scientific equipment, tables, and bright lights told him anything. He knew Hange was employed at some kind of university studying science shit, but he’d never seen them doing any work for it other than studying, and was a bit surprised to see them busy - especially knowing what time it was in their part of the world.

_ “I’m in the lab!” _ Hange confirmed in an excited tone, leaving the computer behind in favor of turning their back to him, walking over to go through a stack of papers on a table.  _ “I can’t talk long! We discovered a new amoeba, and Moblit is helping me do experiments on it. Right now we’re trying to see if it will cannibalize its own kind. What do you need?” _

Moblit was Hange’s assistant at work, Levi remembered, and he could see him in the corner of the screen almost frantically adjusting a microscope. He was staring into it and looking up at Hange every so often too, watching them carefully because in the few seconds that they’d been talking to him they had continued to move about the room. They were checking things and speaking to him while they did it, and clearly, Levi thought, they were busy, a realization which made him curse. 

He didn’t want to interrupt their work, but he needed to talk to them too, felt almost dependant on getting their advice by then so that he wouldn’t be a nervous fucking wreck that afternoon. Luckily, Hange wasn’t saying that they couldn’t talk to him at all though, just that he was going to have to make it quick.

“Uh.” He blurted at that, biting his lip and wishing that Moblit wasn’t there so he wouldn’t have to say this shit in front of him. There was nothing he could do about it though, and he had no choice, so after a bit of squirming and a frustrated huff, he stared away from the screen and opened his mouth. “It’s about the gardener. Erwin, I mean, his name is Erwin. I...shit, well, I invited him in, and-”

_ “You did?! What did he say???” _ Hange shrieked at that, their voice carrying over Levi’s laptop speakers from where they were now shaking up a test tube filled with some weird blue liquid.

Levi could feel his face turning red at their reaction - and not to mention his memories of the conversation he'd had with Erwin - but Hange wasn’t looking at him and he couldn’t let himself get embarrassed enough to stop, not this time. “He said yes, obviously, dammit. He’s coming in to take a break, and I just don't want to fuck it up, okay?”

_ “Just be yourself!”  _

“A piece of shit asshole?”

_ “Levi, you aren't an asshole. You invited him inside, didn't you? That was nice!” _ Hange replied, now mixing something up in a beaker. It was steaming and Moblit was now standing beside them looking nervous, Levi thought, and he wondered what the fuck all of that had to do with an amoeba.  _ “You’re just overthinking everything. You need to relax. I know it's hard, but you can do it! You had friends before and they liked you, and you got close to me too, right?” _

While Hange spoke, Levi digested their words, glowering a bit at the same time because he didn't see how any of this was helpful. Yeah, he'd had friends before, but in the end, he'd been terrible to them in the most unforgivable way possible. They were gone now because of it, and although he  _ had _ become friends with Hange afterward, he only talked to them online. It was easier for him that way, and besides, it wasn't the same - the situation with Erwin was more nerve wracking and more complicated, causing him to over think nearly every single thing he did all because of one crucial difference. 

“Yeah, but I didn't-” Levi started, stopping again when Moblit walked in front of the camera. He kept going and moved out of sight, but his appearance made Levi scowl, embarrassment running through him and making him struggle even harder to admit to Hange what he barely could to himself. “It's different. Because... _ fuck _ , I just-”

At that, Levi stopped again, this time because Hange had put down the small microscope they were now handling to walk across the lab again. They approached the computer they were using to talk to Levi and leaned over to peer into the screen, an almost terrifyingly inquisitive look on their face when they next opened their mouth. 

_ “Wait. Do you have a crush on this man, Levi?”  _ They murmured, breaking out into a wild looking grin while he stiffened and cursed.

“No, I don't have a fucking crush on him. I'm not a kid.” Levi responded, all while his ears burned and his palms began to sweat. 

_ “Alright, so you want to sleep with him then, is that it?” _

Nearly groaning, Levi grit his teeth, turning his head to glare at a chair across the room while he paused. 

“I don't know what the fuck I want.” He forced out after a moment, because that was true. 

He was attracted to Erwin - physically, most certainly - and didn't think he would mind having something more than friendship with him if he allowed himself, but what? He didn't know, and that was why it was so hard. All he  _ was _ sure of was that he found Erwin charming and nice and he wanted to be around him more, because somehow through all of Levi's nerves and anxiousness he still managed to make him feel good when their interactions went well. He wanted more of that, and, he thought, he certainly wouldn’t mind...well,  _ physical  _ interaction or anything like that, but that didn’t mean Erwin felt the same. It would be a lot to presume he did, but there  _ had  _ been Erwin’s remark a few hours earlier. 

_ “Did you treat your other gardener this well?” _ He’d said, after acting like the lemons Levi had given him were fucking gold or something.  _ “Or is it just me?” _

The comment had made Levi blush because it had sounded flirtatious, but before he could respond Erwin had admitted to teasing him. Did that mean he hadn’t meant it that way, or was he just backtracking because of Levi’s lack of a reaction? Either way, that was what he wanted to ask Hange about, because he couldn’t forget the subtle, playful tone in Erwin’s voice, nor the way that he’d looked at him so obviously before either. It was all enough for Levi to think that maybe, if Erwin  _ was  _ flirting with him, then there was a chance that he might be interested in him too, and that maybe being more than just friends with him wasn’t such a bad idea after all, despite what he had told himself before. 

_ “Well, you-”  _ Hange started, interrupting Levi’s reverie only to, in turn, be interrupted by Moblit.

_ “Hange!” _ He shouted suddenly, somehow sounding frantic, excited, and scared all at the same time.  _ “The amoeba is multiplying! It's cannibalizing the other one like you suspected it would, and using its nutrients to replicate itself!”  _

Hange’s responsive shriek was so loud that Levi actually jumped in his chair, staring incredulously as they nearly lept into the air with their arms raised. 

_ “Amazing!”  _ They said, running over to look into the microscope Levi had seen Moblit staring into at the beginning of their call. _ “Incredible! Get the camera, Moblit, we have to record it! Levi, I have to go, I’ll talk to you later, okay?!” _

“Shit.” Levi muttered, watching Hange nearly lose their mind over a microscopic amoeba. 

He wasn't done talking to them, not yet, and didn't feel remotely less nervous about Erwin coming into his house later than he had before. He hadn't even gotten a chance to ask them what he really wanted to, either, and unless he acted fast he wasn't going to, because Hange was now moving back towards their computer with a hand outstretched to end their Skype call. 

“Wait!” He blurted before they could though, clenching and unclenching his fists in his lap while they paused and raised an eyebrow. Clearly, they were going to give him one more second to say what he wanted, but that was it, and although Levi felt himself glowering in embarrassment once more, he knew that it was now or never if he really wanted to know. “I think he's flirting with me. What do I do?”

At his question, Hange laughed loudly. It made Levi bristle because he assumed they were about to tease him, but before he could start swearing, they actually gave him an answer.

_ “That's easy.” _ They said, giving him a wink - ridiculously enough.  _ “Just flirt back!” _

With that, they were gone, having waved at Levi one last time before they smiled and ended the Skype call, leaving him with a blank screen and almost a dozen more questions running through his mind than he’d had before. 

Flirt back? _ Flirt back?  _ How the fuck was he supposed to flirt back when he didn’t know how, and when it was all he could do to have a normal, 5 minute conversation with Erwin about the weather in the first place? Hange made it sound like it was simple, he thought, but it wasn’t - not for him - and it was easy for them to say that when they weren’t in his position. They were nuts and flirting for them probably consisted of asking someone to watch cells fuck with them or something, but it wasn’t the context that mattered for them. It was the fact that they could apparently do it confidently, while no matter how sure he might be that someone was interested in him, Levi didn’t know if he could.

Although, that was probably where their other piece of quick advice came in.  _ Just be yourself, _ they’d told him, before saying that he should relax and that he’d managed to make friends before, which he supposed was meant to reassure him that his personality wasn’t completely abhorrent or unlikeable. Again, it was easy for them to tell him to calm down though, when they hadn’t gone through what he had and when they didn’t think like him. It was difficult for him not to get anxious about shit like this - especially when he was out of practice, secluded, and wasn’t even confident in his ability to gauge what a normal fucking conversation consisted of. However, he supposed after thinking about it for a bit, in some way Hange was probably right. 

He was making this harder and more stressful for himself than it needed to be, because when he thought about it, he’d been a complete asshole to Erwin in the beginning and he hadn’t quit or been rude to him back. He’d stayed and he’d accepted Levi’s apology, and since then things had been better, albeit a bit awkward. But awkward wasn’t rude and Erwin wasn’t bothered by it, apparently, and if he’d still spoken to Levi when he’d acted like a dick, why would anything he did now offend him? 

It probably wouldn’t, he reasoned, as long as he didn’t say anything  _ too  _ outlandish or crazy, right? He figured that was the case, and what were the chances of him doing anything like that anyway? He may have been ill-mannered, unsociable, and clumsy when interacting with others, but he wasn’t a complete asshole like Hange had said, or an uncaring nutbag or anything else like that either. Even if he managed to let his guard down, as long as he was sure not to be rude or scare Erwin then he could probably do this, and at that point, he felt that his desire to become familiar with him was enough to keep him from fucking it up without having to overthink his actions too much either.

At least, that was what he hoped, but it was all easier said than done. In the end, he still grew more and more nervous the closer it came to noon, as he assumed that Erwin wasn’t going to ask for a break before then. It got so bad that he even broke out a bottle of wine with his lunch - a simple baked pasta dish that he whipped up in about 45 minutes - because his stomach was doing flips and he thought it might calm him down a bit. He drank one glass while his food was cooking and then sipped more slowly on a second while he ate, and while it did make him feel more relaxed, he still felt anxious enough so that his heart nearly quite beating when he heard a knock at the door an hour later. 

Immediately, he stopped what he was doing and paused for a moment, taking a deep breath before he went to check his appearance in the mirror. He wanted to make sure there was nothing on his face and that his clothing looked straight before he answered the door, patting away any wrinkles he saw and running a hand through his hair too when he noticed it looked messy. While staring at himself, he wondered if the dark strands would look better tucked behind his ears instead of hanging over them, and pushed them back, immediately cringing when he found that the answer to that question was ‘fuck no.’ 

It looked stupid, and in an effort to get it back like it was before, he let some of his hair loose again and fiddled with it for at least another minute to try and fix it, overdoing it, naturally, and causing it to stick up everywhere like he'd just gotten out of bed. At that point he let out a frustrated curse because he’d gotten carried away and realized he'd probably been in there too long, and just smoothed it back as best he could with both hands, telling himself that he needed to calm the fuck down because it wasn't like this was a damned date. 

At best, it was going to be them having a casual conversation while Erwin used his house to take a break, and any interaction they would have was going to be a result of that. It wasn’t like Erwin was coming inside just to see  _ him _ , and the last thing he was probably going to notice was what Levi was wearing or what his shitty hair looked like.

What he  _ was  _ going to care about was how cool it was in his house and whether there was a refreshing drink around, and with that thought, Levi made sure that his air conditioning was on as he walked to the back door. He hurried because he’d taken so long, hoping again that his slowness hadn’t made Erwin think he’d rescinded his offer, and didn’t even pause before opening his back door once he’d reached it. 

“Hey!” He blurted out in greeting, nearly cringing when, in his attempt to sound friendly, he just spoke loudly and practically yelled out the word instead. 

“Hello, Mr. Ackerman.” Erwin just responded though, smiling as if he hadn’t noticed. “Is it alright if I take a break now?”

“Yeah.” Levi said. He paused for a second, steeling himself because this was it, and then stepped aside, holding the door open so that Erwin could come in and cool off. “Come on.”

“Thank you, I appreciate it. I brought this back too.” Erwin said, once he’d followed Levi in and he’d closed the door.

He was talking about the tray Levi had given him that morning with his water and the lemons, and was holding it out in front of him with both hands. He’d drank all of the liquid, Levi saw, and had used most of the citrus too, and just noticing that was enough to make Levi feel gratified all over again. He took the tray back with a straight face and a nod, the empty pitcher prompting him - almost on instinct, this time - to quirk an eyebrow up at Erwin and ask him a question. 

“Want some more?” 

“Yes, please. I would appreciate it.”

At that, Levi nodded again, turning to head back into his kitchen. The positive response made him want to offer Erwin other things, wondering if he might want something other than water this time - like lemonade or fruit juice, or even a soda over ice. He had it all in his kitchen and had no problem sharing, but would bombarding him with a bunch of different choices be overdoing the hospitality?

_ No. Ask him. _ Levi told himself, biting his lip and reminding himself to relax. This was just the type of thing that he’d been needlessly over thinking, and why would Erwin be weirded out if Levi offered him more choices to drink? He wouldn’t, Levi thought. If he did anything it would be to just give him another smile and thank him like he always did, and that was enough for Levi to develop the courage to ask. However, before he could open his mouth to do so, he realized after turning his head that Erwin wasn’t even following him. Instead, he was standing where Levi had left him at the back door, watching him but almost looking like he didn’t know what to do with himself, as if he wasn't sure whether he should follow Levi further into his house or just wait. 

“Are you coming, or are you just gonna stand there?” Levi asked at that, finding Erwin’s actions and uncertainty to be amusing and endearing - almost as much as his yawn had been to him earlier that morning.

Levi didn’t know why, really, but it was, and he also found the fact that Erwin was hesitant to step too far inside made him feel more comfortable. Maybe it was because it was a sign that Erwin would be careful to respect his boundaries or privacy, or maybe it was because the sight of him seeming uncertain when Levi was usually the one doubting every move he made was reassuring. So far he'd been too worried about his actions to even dream that Erwin might be conscientious of his own too, and even if it was just over some polite bullshit it still made him feel a bit less dramatic.

“Yes, sorry.” Erwin said, smiling and confirming Levi's suspicions. “I didn't know if you wanted me to wait here.”

“No. I’m not gonna make you stand up when you're supposed to be taking a break, shit.” Levi scoffed, motioning for Erwin to follow him as he turned back around to head to the kitchen. 

This time he heard the sound of booted footsteps behind him after a small laugh, echoing loudly on his hardwood after Erwin had taken a moment to wipe them on the mat. He caught up quickly due to his long stride, and when Levi sensed him closer to his back, he took a deep breath, turning to look over his shoulder again so he could ask him the question he’d been pondering before.

“Do you want water?” He asked, speaking slowly until he realized that he’d basically already asked him that when he’d said ‘want some more’ earlier, and probably sounded as if he was just repeating himself like an idiot. “I mean...uh, there’s lemonade if you want that instead. Or juice boxes, even though that shit is for the kids. I have soda too.”

At the mention of the juice boxes, Erwin laughed. “I think I could down an entire pack of juice boxes right now, but I won’t take their drinks. Lemonade would be nice instead, if it’s not too much trouble.”

Nodding swiftly as they reached the kitchen - and unsuccessfully managing to keep the image of Erwin drinking a tiny juice box out of his mind - Levi set the tray down next to his sink on the counter, going straight for a pot so that he could heat up a mixture of sugar and water over his stove. Once it boiled it would turn into a syrup that he’d use to mix with his lemon juice, which he moved to start squeezing next, rounding his counter right away so that he could reach for his fruit bowl, a knife and another pitcher, and a cutting board.  

While he did so, he heard Erwin find a seat at his table after just a second’s hesitation upon entering the kitchen. For a brief moment Levi had wondered if he was going to have to give him permission for that too, but he didn’t, as Erwin managed to pull a chair out while Levi’s back had been to him at the stove. He could feel his eyes on him while he walked around to gather his utensils though, and on a brief moment of impulse, Levi lifted his gaze when he turned around, intending to glance at Erwin quickly and to maybe ask him if he wanted anything else while he waited. 

Before he could open his mouth, though, he stopped, freezing immediately when rather than fix his eyes upon Erwin’s face, he instead found them caught on the taut expanse of his lower abdomen. His belly was almost completely exposed because Erwin had pulled up the bottom of his t-shirt to wipe the sweat off of his cheeks with, and while Levi might have normally been disgusted with such an action, he now found himself suddenly filled with heat. It twisted in his groin but then rushed upward towards his fucking cheeks, the sensation causing him to turn back around so fast that he might have been a blur.

His eyes widened and he nearly swore, because although Erwin had surely not done that to attract any attention - Levi’s back had been to him before, after all - he had certainly seen Levi looking. His stare had only lasted a second or two and had been prolonged partly out of surprise, but it was long enough to be noticeable, surely, and Levi was suddenly so embarrassed that he found himself grabbing a whisk, ending up back at the stove to aggressively stir his syrup mixture in some kind of instinctual effort to act casual. 

_ Fuck, fuck, shit. Relax, dammit, they’re just abs.  _ He thought, trying to focus on anything but the image of Erwin’s tanned, toned stomach that was now stuck in his mind. 

It was even more defined close-up than it had been when he’d seen him shirtless from his window, and because of the fact that Erwin was in the same damn room with him and had certainly seen him look, about ten times more flustering than it had been back then. Now he’d probably made Erwin feel uncomfortable or awkward because he’d looked at him, and Levi wouldn’t blame him if he left, deciding that he’d rather endure the heat and take his break outside instead of in a house with a creep like Levi. 

_ No. Calm down.  _ Levi thought though, closing his eyes and trying to remember Hange’s advice. He was getting overwhelmed again and could sense it, but for all he knew it was over nothing. It wasn’t even his fault that he’d seen Erwin like that, he tried to tell himself, because he hadn’t known his shirt was going to be halfway removed when he’d turned around, and he’d only looked for a second. For all Erwin knew he’d just frozen because he’d been taken off guard, and there was no way he could know for sure what Levi had been thinking about him, right?

Of course there wasn’t, he told himself, and even if there was, Erwin hadn’t said anything. He was still there and hadn’t even so much as cleared his throat, and Levi was the one acting weird - even if the majority of his reaction was taking place inside his head. 

_ It doesn’t matter.  _ He thought, swallowing, telling himself that he should just move on and stop pondering it too.  _ Forget it. Fucking relax. _

Somehow, after repeating that a few times, Levi managed to talk himself down, finding that he felt a lot more composed after another minute. He forced away any remaining anxious thoughts and decided to act like it hadn’t even happened, setting down the whisk he’d still been holding and turning around to resume what he’d been about to do before: juicing the lemons. 

“Are you making that from scratch?” Erwin asked him when grabbed the first one, prompting Levi to glance back over at him, lifting his eyes carefully in case there were anymore flustering surprises waiting on him.

There weren’t, of course, as Erwin had sat up straight and put his shirt back into it’s proper position. Now the only thing visible were his stupid, huge biceps, but Levi was used to ignoring those by then, and was able to fix his eyes fully onto his face once he realized that it was safe. 

“Yeah.”

“Ah. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that’s what you meant when you offered lemonade. It seems like a lot of trouble.”

“It’s not a big deal.” Levi scoffed, speaking up so quickly that he almost interrupted Erwin. After he said it he realized it sounded a little harsh, and bit his lip, glancing away so that he could slice up a lemon to start squeezing. “I mean...it’s not hard. The mix tastes shitty anyway, and I don’t mind.”

“That’s right. You said you cook, don’t you?” Erwin replied, a small smile on his face while he watched Levi.

“Yeah.”

“That explains this fancy kitchen. I feel like I’m in the back of a restaurant. Are you good at it?”

Levi paused at that, thinking briefly about how to answer while he stared down at his counter. He was a bit flustered from how Erwin had remembered him saying he cooked in the first place, and the fact that he was asking about his skill level like he was interested, or something, was making it worse. 

“I’m not bad.” He managed though, murmuring the response and shrugging his shoulders.  

“If you know how to actually use all the appliances in here, I’d say you’re a lot better than that.” Erwin said, looking around Levi’s large kitchen. “I’m not even sure what half of these things are. Is that a blender?”

Levi raised an eyebrow, following Erwin’s gaze to what he was staring at on another counter. 

_ “No.” _ He said, nearly snorting. “That's a food processor. Haven't you ever seen one before?”

“No. I'm a terrible cook, to be honest. Every time I try to make something, I burn it.” Erwin said, prompting Levi to give him an incredulous look. 

“What? How?”

“I don't know.” Erwin chuckled. “I never learned, and now I avoid it because I don't want to burn my apartment down.”

“Then what the hell do you eat?”

“Microwave dinners and pizza, or ramen. Sometimes I eat a salad if I have time, because I can at least cut up vegetables without setting anything on fire.”

“For fuck’s sake.” Levi mumbled, grimacing at how unappetizing all of that shit sounded - especially the microwave dinners. 

“Why? What kinds of things do you eat? Do you make them with your food processor?”

“Sometimes.” Levi murmured, finding Erwin's complete lack of knowledge about cooking to be amusing. He had half a mind to offer to make dinner for him sometime so he didn't have to keep eating shit too, but the idea seemed incredibly daunting, and Levi forced the thought out of his mind almost as quickly as it had appeared. He still had to get through the rest of Erwin's break without doing anything stupid, and proposing anything like that, which would require Erwin to stay  _ after  _ work, seemed like something he still wasn't sure he could handle. “You can use it for a lot of shit. I made meatballs with it a few days ago, and pasta. One time I used it to make ice cream for the kids.”

“Ice cream?”

“Yeah. I still have to get it cold, but it works to mix it.”

“They must love visiting you, then.” Erwin said, speaking in such a way that made him sound like he wished he’d had that as a kid too. “You have a pool  _ and  _ you make them homemade ice cream.”

Levi bit his lip at that, pausing for a moment while he went to gather his completed syrup from the stove. He’d finished juicing the lemons while he’d been talking to Erwin and was ready to mix it all together with some ice, but was too busy hoping that he couldn’t see how much his ears were now reddening from his comment to answer. Was he complimenting him? It certainly sounded like it, as his words suggested that he meant Levi was a good host for the kids. It made him feel nice to hear it because he always tried to be, but when Mikasa’s parents never thanked him for anything or told him they’d had fun, he sometimes wondered. 

“I hope so.” He finally murmured after a moment, once he’d combined all his lemonade ingredients into a pitcher and started stirring. 

He took another few seconds to make sure he mixed it all up thoroughly, and then added ice to a clean glass for Erwin. He filled it up with his drink and then brought it over to him, watching as Erwin gave him a smile that made Levi want to fix him up 100 more pitchers of the stuff, and maybe a lemon pie or some lemon pepper shrimp, or anything else like that he might want since he apparently liked lemons so fucking much. 

“Thank you.” Erwin said when he took it, prompting Levi to then nod in response.

Yeah.” He added too, trying not to watch Erwin take his first sip as he headed over to clean up the small mess he’d made on his counter. 

Naturally, he failed, but Erwin was too busy enjoying his drink to notice Levi staring at him. Apparently he liked it, Levi thought, because after tasting it he chugged nearly the entire glass down in one gulp, tilting his head back until there was just a bit of liquid left and he had to stop to breathe. It was enough for Levi to walk back over already with the pitcher to give him a refill, nodding when Erwin thanked him again and just leaving the rest of it on the table this time. 

“I think this is the best lemonade I’ve ever had.” Erwin said then, in between drinking down half of his next glass. The compliment made Levi bite his lip and look away, hiding the renewed flush that appeared on his face and ears again. “How did you learn to cook like this? Did you go to culinary school?” 

Scoffing at that, and also finding it amusing that Erwin associated made-from-scratch lemonade as something professional chef worthy, Levi shook his head, averting his eyes because, well...thinking about how he learned to cook sometimes reminded him of a horribly low point in his life. 

“I watched the cooking channel.” He said though, trying not to think about it and glancing back at Erwin, focusing on how his eyebrows rose in surprise. “And online videos.” 

“That must have taken a long time.”

“Yeah, kind of, but if it makes you feel better, I burned a lot of shit when I first started too.” Levi said, please when Erwin let out a laugh in response. 

He paused to drink more of his lemonade, and that was when Levi went to finish cleaning up, putting away the dishes and utensils he'd used and moving to grab the tray Erwin had brought in from outside. He rinsed it all off - discarding the used fruit - and then put it all into his dishwasher, moving to wipe off his counters like he always did after he’d made anything. By the time he finished that Erwin was done with his second glass, and was pouring himself a third as he stood up from where he’d been seated, like he was getting ready to leave his kitchen and go back outside or something.

“I should probably get back to work.” He said, confirming Levi’s suspicions and turning to look at him from over his shoulder. “Thanks for the break, and the lemonade. It was nice to cool off inside, and I appreciate you letting me into your house.”

“Yeah.” 

Levi answered Erwin quietly, pausing at his counter and watching him, feeling a tiny bit disappointed that he was going back outside already. He was enjoying his company and he’d actually done well in having a conversation with him, but he didn’t know what to say to make him stay longer, and doing so might seem weird anyway when Erwin was actually there to work and probably wanted to finish so he could go home.

However, Levi found himself opening his mouth anyway a moment later, waiting until Erwin was almost out the door with his lemonade because his words had reminded him of what he’d said to Levi that morning. His potentially flirtatious comment about how well he’d been treating him had stuck with him all day, and more than that, Levi kept remembering Hange’s advice, too:  _ flirt back. _

“Wait.” Levi said, impulsively blurting out the request. He had the sudden urge to tell Erwin something, to offer him a response to what he’d said before even if Erwin had told him he’d just been teasing. 

He wasn’t sure if what he wanted to say constituted as flirting or not - it probably didn’t, he reasoned - but either way, he realized that he just wanted Erwin to know one way or the other. 

“I didn’t treat my other gardener like this.” He said, after taking a breath once Erwin had stopped to look at him curiously. “He was an asshole, so it’s just you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. I've been a bit frustrated with this story and feeling like it's not going anywhere, but hopefully it will be worked out in the next chapter :) Thanks for reading, as always <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I understand.” Erwin said, staring at Levi with another soft look. “I’ll come back tomorrow then at the same time, and we can take another break together, alright?”
> 
> “Yeah.” Levi breathed, nodding once in affirmation, staring at Erwin with widened eyes because he almost couldn’t believe this was really happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all of the sweet comments after the last chapter <3333

As soon as the words came out of Levi’s mouth, he felt his face burning, a swell of nervousness cresting in his stomach that was so strong he almost imagined he could hear it rushing through his ears. That was probably just the blood moving to his cheeks from embarrassment and anxiousness, from the worry he suddenly had that he’d overstepped or said something he shouldn’t have to make Erwin uncomfortable.

However, even though it had been a gamble that Levi hadn’t even planned on taking, it paid off. Erwin’s response to what he’d said was to give him a smile, after a short moment where his eyebrows raised and his eyes widened a bit - like he was surprised. Then they brightened and his lips finally curved up, and Levi felt his heart flutter in his chest excitedly. 

“That's nice to hear.” Erwin said, his mouth hanging open while he paused in speaking like he was chewing on his words. “Does that mean I get to take another break with you tomorrow?”

At that, it was Levi’s turn to raise his brows and feel taken aback. The way Erwin had worded his question made it sound like he wasn’t just asking to take a break in his house, but that he wanted to take one with  _ Levi _ there too. It was probably a stretch to assume that's what he meant, and maybe he was reading too much into things, but...well, what if he wasn’t? What if he was just doubting himself too much instead, just like he’d been doing over and over again this entire time? 

“You...want to?” He asked with that thought, biting his lip and hesitantly glancing back over at Erwin.

“I do.” Erwin responded - still smiling, Levi noticed, although he too had look away at some point to stare at the space behind Levi's head. The way he was standing reminded Levi of how he’d appeared earlier, when he’d first come in for his break and seemed unsure about whether or not to follow Levi into the kitchen. Was he feeling self-conscious about his words right then, just as Levi was? “I like talking to you.”

Levi’s eyes widened at that, his mouth falling open from surprise before he snapped it shut again a moment later. Before he could even begin to digest what Erwin had just said beyond the sudden, warm feeling developing in his chest, though, he continued, speaking more quickly and less composed than Levi had heard him since they’d met.

“I mean - well, ah, I don’t mean anything inappropriate by that. I just don’t have many friends in this city. So it's nice. That’s all.”

“Oh.” Levi uttered, torn between focusing on how Erwin  _ definitely  _ sounded like he was feeling nervous over his words, and the revelation that came with what he’d just shared with him.

Erwin didn’t have a lot of friends? He enjoyed talking to Levi, and thought it was nice because he didn't have anyone else? Was he lonely too?

“I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have said that. You’re my boss, and I suppose I spoke out of turn.” Erwin said then, sounding a bit sheepish. 

In that moment, it became clear to Levi that he was right about Erwin doubting his own words. Obviously he meant what he said, but for some reason he seemed to be worried that Levi would be uncomfortable, that he’d said something he shouldn’t have to him because he was Erwin’s boss. It was certainly a feeling he could relate to - at least, the fear that he’d said something wrong was - and although it hadn’t been because he was offended or anything, his silence so far probably hadn’t helped Erwin feel any better either. 

“No.” He blurted then, because the last thing he wanted Erwin to think was that he’d offended him. “Shit. That doesn’t matter. I’m...I know what you mean. Obviously. No one fucking comes here, and-”

‘And I don’t leave’ was what Levi had been about to say, but as much as he wanted to explain himself completely to Erwin, he wasn’t sure if he should. He didn’t want him to think that he was some kind of weird shut-in even if he basically was, and so he cut himself off instead, swallowing and holding an arm out silently as if to gesture at his big, empty house. He averted his eyes again and looked down at the counter too, frowning and hoping that Erwin would just understand what he meant. 

He wasn’t good at talking about his feelings, not at all, and there were some things he was afraid to say outloud. Surely, though, he’d noticed how Levi never left his house, or how he didn’t get any other visitors except for him and the kids. He was around enough to see that he didn’t socialize, and based on what Levi had already told him about treating him differently than his former gardener, he hoped he realized that because of that, Levi enjoyed talking to him too.

The way he smiled at him a moment later suggested he did though, warmly and almost with a bit of relief in his eyes that Levi had, in fact, not responded badly. It caused Levi to feel a sympathetic pang in his heart because he certainly knew how Erwin felt, but when their eyes met again it went away. Replacing it was a sudden swell of warmth, of understanding and something else, something that Levi had not felt in a long time. 

It was companionship, he realized, the smallest beginnings of real friendship, because he and Erwin had both shared something personal and gone past the triviality of polite conversation. What they’d just revealed was deeper than that, and although neither one of them had said much, it was clear that they both knew how the other felt and understood what it was like to be lonely. The fact that they could relate to each other on that level meant a lot, Levi suddenly understood, especially to him because he associated his lack of social interaction with his awkwardness. It was the excuse for what he constantly worried was strange, off-putting behavior, and while he also knew he overreacted about it, he felt that if he wasn’t and Erwin at least understood why he might say something weird and didn’t care, then perhaps he could finally relax more and not doubt himself so much. 

It was a relieving feeling, and that plus the sudden connection Levi had discovered with Erwin actually made him smile. He found himself responding to the one Erwin had given him after a moment, albeit tentatively, his mouth curving up in just the slightest before he felt his ears start to burn and he had to look away. He bit his lip and his heart fluttered, and he only was able to glance up again when he heard Erwin step forward.

“I understand.” He said, staring at Levi with another soft look. “I’ll come back tomorrow then at the same time, and we can take another break together, alright?”

“Yeah.” Levi breathed, nodding once in affirmation, staring at Erwin with widened eyes because he almost couldn’t believe this was really happening. 

It was, though, and it was really because Levi had spoken up. He’d battled his nerves and said something flustering, taking Hange’s advice to ‘flirt back’ after what Erwin had asked him that morning. He was pretty sure it hadn’t been taken in a romantic way, but that was fine too, because he hadn’t completely meant it like that anyway. What mattered was that he’d made a breakthrough and actually done something right for once, and that...well, apparently he wasn’t as hopeless as he’d feared after all. 

“That’s fine.” He added just to make it clear, pleased when Erwin’s warm smile just grew wider. 

“Okay.” He said, stepping back again. “I’m looking forward to it. I'll see you later.”

Nodding again, Levi watched Erwin wave and walk out of his kitchen, listening to him exit the back door so that he could get back to work. Only when Levi heard it shut did he finally get back to his own tasks, finishing his chores for the rest of the day over the next few hours with a smile either on his face, or resting tentatively just underneath the surface.

It was the best he’d felt in a long time, he thought, and it even carried over to the next day. He woke up looking forward to that afternoon, getting dressed and making sure that Erwin had a pitcher of ice water outside before he’d even gotten there. He found himself wishing that he could give it to him in person so that they could maybe talk sooner, but he didn’t want to overdo things, and besides, he already knew that he was going to see him later after lunch. 

True to his word, Erwin came back at the same time as before. Not only that, but he came back the next time he worked too, and the time after that, and before Levi knew it two weeks had passed and Erwin taking a break in his kitchen became a daily occurrence. Somehow Erwin knocking on his door after lunch became automatic, to the point that Levi expected it and they didn’t even have to talk about it for it to happen. It was a good thing, of course, and he didn’t mind - not at all - as by then he’d finally relaxed enough for his casual, friendly interactions with Erwin to come to him more naturally. 

It had started happening after they’d both basically admitted they were lonely to each other, after Levi had shared something deeply private with Erwin and seen him respond favorably. It was like a validation of the desire he’d had to reach out to him, and the first steps in establishing trust. Now, Levi was able to say things to Erwin without worrying excessively that he was going to run screaming from him, because not only had he stuck around after Levi had been a dick to him  _ and  _ gotten personal, but because he apparently did not have many other people in his life either. Knowing that he was seeking solace in Levi for the same type of thing he was in Erwin was comforting, and it helped them both to be able to get to know each other a lot better. 

Slowly, with each passing day his guard came down more and more, until he was able to ask Erwin things without fretting over his reaction, and until he was even able to tease him, finding that he somehow had the ability to make Erwin laugh just by cracking stupid jokes. He didn’t know how he did it, really, but he wasn’t complaining, because every time Erwin smiled at him and snorted because of something he’d said he felt his heart flutter. Sometimes he felt his cheeks and his chest warm too, and although the cause of that was another matter entirely, Levi was still too happy to focus on the fact that although the emptiness he felt inside had shrunk a good deal, it hadn’t gone away entirely. Instead, he just tried to enjoy spending time with Erwin, basking in the fact that he’d finally found what he had needed and wanted so badly, even after thinking, at times, that it would be impossible: a friend.

“Why the hell do you know so much about plants, anyway?” Levi asked Erwin one day, muttering the question while they sat in his kitchen drinking lemonade again.

They’d gotten onto the topic after Erwin had started talking about one of his trees, telling him how the bark was falling off and turning a color that apparently meant it was ‘sick.’ Levi didn’t think trees could get sick, not like that, but according to Erwin they could, and also according to Erwin, if he put a certain kind of fertilizer in the soil it might help it get better. 

The details of it almost reminded Levi of chemistry and biology - the kind of shit Hange always talked about. That’s what it was, he supposed, but Erwin didn’t speak about it with the same excitement they did. Instead, he just recited it as if he’d been forced to learn it from a book or something, and it made Levi wonder if it had anything to do with the fact that his major at university had nothing to do with gardening. 

It was actually English, he’d told Levi, or it was going to be. Since they’d gotten to know each other better Levi had learned that although he  _ was _ college aged, he wasn’t actually enrolled in one right then. He’d recently moved from his much smaller hometown to the bigger city that Levi lived on the outskirts of - which explained why he didn’t really have any friends, Levi thought - and was currently saving up so that he could attend classes at the university there. He’d been holding onto his money ever since he’d graduated high school to do so, Erwin had told him, and if everything went right, he hoped to start studying the next spring so that he could become a writer.

“My father taught history and biology.” Erwin explained in response to Levi’s question, interrupting his reverie and smiling a bit at him from across the table. “And my mother had a greenhouse because she used to run a flower shop. She died when I was young, but he kept it up, and it was always my job to take care of the plants during the summer when I was out of school. I learned that way and read his botany books when I got bored.”  

“Oh.” Levi said, feeling a bit bad because of what Erwin had said about his mother. He hadn’t known that, and he hadn’t meant to bring anything like that up either, because he certainly knew how awful it was experiencing a death. He’d been there and he hated to be reminded of it, and he didn’t want to ruin any good mood Erwin was in because he’d slipped up. “Sorry. About your mom, I mean.”

“It’s alright. I was just a baby. I don’t even remember her, really.” Erwin replied, giving Levi a small, reassuring smile in response.

He sounded quieter than he had before, but not upset, and Levi wondered if his experience was better or worse than his own. His mother had died when he’d been about 10, and he went silent thinking about it, gazing down at the table in front of him with a vacant look. She’d gotten sick and he remembered being at the hospital by himself, brought there by the police after she’d been taken away in an ambulance. Eventually, after what had been hours, he’d been told she hadn’t made it, and all he could really remember about the months after was how distraught, terrified, and alone he’d felt. It had been awful, but would he trade that for not being able to recall anything about her at all? He wasn’t sure, but thankfully, before he could think about it further, Erwin seemed to sense that the topic they’d gotten on hadn’t affected him well. 

“Ah...have you ever done any gardening?” He asked, speaking up and obviously trying to change the subject. 

“No.” Levi replied, scoffing. “Not really. I tried to grow herbs in my windows a few times, but they always fucking died.”

At that, Erwin chuckled. “What kind of pot did you keep them in?”

“I dunno. Whatever one they came to me in, some kind of shitty, plastic thing. It was small.”

“Did you ever take them out of the window, or move them to another one?”

“No, but I watered them every day, and more than that when the damn things started drooping.”

“Is that all you did?”

“Yeah.”

“I see.” Erwin said, smiling in such a way that suggested he found Levi’s poor attempts at taking care of a plant amusing. “It sounds like you put them through some pretty rough treatment.”

Scowling when he felt his ears burn, Levi shifted in his seat and shot Erwin a mild glare. “Well I didn’t spend my childhood reading books about plants like you did.”

“I know. It’s alright. But if you ever try again, I bet if you move them to a pot with more room and change where they sit every so often, you’ll have better luck. Plants respond to gentleness just like humans do. If you treat them with care and put in a bit of extra effort, you’ll usually find that they bloom beautifully.”

“They’re just plants…” Levi mumbled at that, mostly because Erwin’s words had, for some reason, made him blush. 

He wasn’t sure why, nor did he understand why they had caused his heart to flutter too. Perhaps it was just the way he’d spoken, sincerely and with a gentleness of his own, as if he was trying to reflect with his words what he meant about the plants. It demonstrated that he was kind and caring - something that Levi had already assumed anyway - and...well, the soft way with which he was gazing at Levi across the table didn’t help either. 

He held Erwin’s stare for a few moments before his flush deepened and he had to look away, leaning back in his chair and throwing an arm over it in an attempt to look casual. He wouldn’t mind Erwin gazing at him like that more often, he thought, or talking about him with such tenderness as he apparently did his plants. He felt a sharp pang of longing for it, in fact, one that he tried to suppress, because he’d come to the conclusion that it wasn’t like that between them and it probably wouldn’t ever be. Erwin had not exhibited any behavior that Levi might have confused for flirting since that one morning a few weeks before when Levi gave him lemons, and because of that, he just assumed now that Erwin never had meant it that way in the first place. 

He’d just gotten confused, but whatever. It didn’t matter. He didn’t need anything like that with him anyway. He was fine with how it was already, happy to have Erwin as a friend and grateful that he had him to talk to almost every single day. The last thing he’d ever want to do was push him away by making him uncomfortable, and seeking something more - even if he knew how, which he did not - when  _ he  _ didn’t was a surefire fucking way to do that. He would just have to live with their friendship as it was, and if he couldn’t, especially after he’d fought so hard to overcome his anxieties for it, then that would probably just make him something of a greedy asshole.

“Yes.” Erwin said, interrupting his thoughts and laughing again at him. “They are, but they're alive too. Either way, though, I just wanted you to know that if you ever try again I could help you.”

“You mean with the plants?” Levi said, glancing back at Erwin and biting his lip.

“Yes, with the herbs. I could show you how to pot them and the best places to keep them, and how much water they need. It sounded like you were drowning them a bit before. They don’t actually need as much as you think.”

“Oh.” Levi said, beginning to feel a little flustered again. 

It wasn’t because Erwin was critiquing his gardening skills, but because what he was proposing sounded like something Levi wouldn’t mind at all - and it wasn’t because he actually had any interested in growing plants, either. It was because the thought of spending time with Erwin like that seemed nice, and - dare he say it - maybe even a little fun. He couldn’t deny that he wanted to ask if they could, but still, he didn’t want to seem too eager, especially if it would put Erwin out in anyway and he was just being nice by offering. So, rather than agree right then Levi just shrugged, telling Erwin ‘maybe’ before he poured him another glass of lemonade. 

It was the equivalent of him gently dismissing the idea, but that night Levi spent nearly two hours looking at plants and gardening shit online. He started out going through herbs he could plant, remembering that before he’d just tried growing basil and cilantro - common ingredients that he used quite frequently. He’d just ordered them from his grocery store at the time because they sold things like that too, but they didn’t have much variety. Soon he found an actual nursery in town that delivered, one that had all kinds of plants as well as whatever supplies he might need. Slowly, he began to imagine not just having tiny pots of basil and cilantro growing in his kitchen, but an actual garden outside with whatever herbs he wanted - and maybe even vegetables too. There was certainly room on his property for him to do so, he thought, and having ingredients that fresh  _ was  _ appealing, but that kind of thing seemed like a large undertaking. 

Perhaps he should just start small and try the basil and cilantro again, and if he could somehow manage that with Erwin’s help then maybe he could expand. That was the logical idea, and after thinking about it all day and looking everything up, he’d spent enough time actually imagining him and Erwin doing this together that he wanted to get started. He’d played it off like he wasn’t sure that afternoon, but now he was, and...well, if Erwin didn't actually want to help him, he wouldn't have offered like that, right?

Levi couldn’t know whether that was the case or not, but how long would it take to plant two small herbs anyway? Hopefully not long, Levi thought, biting his lip while he stared down at his tablet. He’d opened his e-mail account with the idea of e-mailing Erwin to ask him, something that he hadn’t done since he’d hired him. He hadn’t spoken to Erwin outside of his work hours at any other point, and he was a bit anxious about doing it. What if Erwin didn’t want to hear from him when he wasn’t there? What if because Levi was technically his boss, it just reminded him of work?

No, he thought, that couldn’t be the case. Erwin had told him it was nice talking to him, and had continued to do so on his own accord. He’d also admitted to Levi that he was lonely, and because Levi was familiar with the feeling, he knew that  _ he  _ wouldn’t mind if Erwin e-mailed him after hours, not at all. 

Because he knew him better by then, Levi felt more confident about predicting Erwin’s response. Deciding that it was worth a shot either way, though, he took a breath, slumping down into the pillows on his couch to start writing the e-mail.

_ Hey. _ Was all he typed at first, staring at it for a moment before he backspaced it and changed it to ‘Erwin’ instead when he thought it sounded too rough. Then, after that, he put the ‘hey’ he’d had before back in front of his name, making his greeting now ‘Hey, Erwin,’ one that he still wasn’t sure about until he cursed at himself for acting like an idiot over something so trivial and just left it.

_ I thought about that shit you said earlier.  _ He continued, trying not to fret over the wording.  _ About the herbs, or whatever, and how I suck at growing them. Do you know anything about planting basil and cilantro, like this?  _

Below that, Levi sent Erwin a link to the website he’d been looking at, to where he’d added the plants he’d mentioned to a shopping list. Then he signed it ‘Levi’ and hit send before he even had the chance to become self-conscious about what he’d written, and set his tablet down into his lap, wondering if Erwin would answer him quickly. Probably not, he figured, because it was actually getting late, and Erwin likely had better things to do than sit around checking his e-mail all evening. Still, he couldn’t help but watch the screen for a few minutes, biting his lip and refreshing the application a few times until he felt like a desperate dumbass for doing it. 

What was he, some lovesick teenager? No, he thought, he was an adult, and even if Erwin liked having him to talk to because he needed friends, Levi doubted he was as eager to talk to  _ him  _ as he was Erwin. He was young and Levi was older, and for all he knew, Erwin was out at a bar trying to find someone his own age to hang out with instead of his grumpy boss. 

With that thought in mind, he forced himself off of his couch, grabbing the glass of wine he’d been drinking from earlier so that he could head into the kitchen for more. However, before he could even leave the room he was in he suddenly heard a sound from his tablet - the one that he’d set to alert him when he had an e-mail. Stopping in his tracks, his eyes widened for a second, and he turned around to head back where he’d been sitting so fast that he nearly tripped over a rug.

Instead, he just stumbled and landed half sitting and half lying down on his couch, grabbing his tablet with one hand while setting the wine glass he’d held in the other somewhere else. Was the e-mail from Erwin? He wondered, as he opened the application. If it wasn’t, he thought, he was going to be disappointed and then irritated at himself for feeling that way, but luckily, as soon as everything loaded he saw that Erwin was the one who had indeed responded to him.

_ Hello Mr. Ackerman. _ His e-mail read, sounding so polite that it was ridiculous.  _ I’d be happy to help you with those plants. Why don’t we talk about it more tomorrow? _

After going over his short response a few more times, Levi frowned. For some reason - although Erwin had agreed to help him - he felt a bit disappointed anyway, finding that he wished Erwin had written more in his e-mail or at least said something less formal. He sounded as if he’d barely read what Levi had asked him or like he wasn’t interested in it, dismissing it and just blowing it off for something to deal with the next day. 

It was probably just because they were typing to each other rather than talking face to face that made his tone sound so stiff, Levi thought, but he’d also left no room for a response, really, and Levi had to admit that he’d been hoping his e-mail would lead to a longer conversation. He wanted to talk to Erwin more and maybe even banter with him because it made him feel in high spirits, but it hadn’t happened - obviously because Erwin didn’t need or want to talk to Levi as much as Levi did him like he’d thought. 

Thinking about it made him start to feel down again, for what was actually the first time in two weeks. That, in turn, made Levi irritated and angry at himself, because he knew the reason for it and he didn’t understand why he couldn’t just be happy with how things were progressing. He’d gotten closer to Erwin and Erwin had agreed to help him the next day regardless of what else he’d hoped for, so why couldn’t that be enough? Why wasn’t he fulfilled by just friendship, and why couldn’t he ignore his feelings?

Sighing in frustration, Levi realized he didn’t have an answer. He couldn’t help it, but regardless, what had happened that night was going to have to be enough. With that thought in mind, Levi typed back a simple ‘okay’ to Erwin and grabbed his wine glass again, heading into the kitchen with the intention of coming back with not only a newly poured drink, but the entirety of the very full, very alcoholic bottle.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi wanted a release and for something to go in his ass after everything he’d been thinking about, and although he technically didn’t have to be out of bed for another hour and a half, he wasn’t sure that he wanted to start his morning with a guilt-laden jerk-off session.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this chapter is silly and i kind of wish it wasn't the next one after 84 (T__T), but i'd already had it mostly written. i'll try to get the next one out asap!

_ “Hello, Levi.” Erwin said, greeting him with a bright, gorgeous smile.  _

_ It lit up his entire face and caused Levi to stare from where he was seated outside, his gaze taking in Erwin’s cute dimples and messy blonde hair. It had fallen into his eyes and was damp with sweat from the heat, apparently palpable enough to cause Erwin to remove his shirt. He was bare-chested, Levi noticed a second later, and glistening, his muscles slick, shiny, and standing out underneath the sun so obviously it was like he’d been oiled up. It was strange because he’d just been working in Levi’s backyard, but he didn’t think much of it - he could barely think at all, if he was being honest - and instead found himself struggling to remember how to speak so that he could answer Erwin.  _

_ “Hey.” He managed eventually, dragging his eyes away from the sight before him and taking a sip from the fruity, frozen drink that he had in his hand. He swallowed a mouthful and then held it out, eyeing Erwin before asking in a rough voice: “Are you thirsty?” _

_ “Oh, yes. But I want to get started on your garden.” Erwin answered cheerfully, suddenly picking up a shovel off the ground and slinging it over his broad shoulders.  _

_ His abdomen rippled while he moved and his biceps bulged, and Levi stared with an open mouth, watching a drop of sweat run down his neck, over his collarbone, and right between his large, pillowy - _

_ “Where do you want me to start digging first?” Erwin asked, his voice snapping Levi back to attention - at least for a second.  _

_ It was hard for him to think of an answer when Erwin had placed a hand on his hip, still holding the shovel with the other, and shifted to stand with his feet apart in a wide stance. He was so tall and seemed to tower over Levi from where he was seated in front of him, and was smiling at him in a coy, playful way, like he knew exactly what the fuck he was thinking about and didn’t mind it. Clearly, he was posing like that for him on purpose, and after pausing to take another sip from his drink, Levi leaned back to get comfortable in his lawn chair and crossed his legs.  _

_ “Right there is fine.” He said, pointing to a patch of grass that was right in front of him, but far enough away for him to have a full view of Erwin digging.  _

_ The spot was also right in the middle of his yard and probably not the best place for a garden, but honestly, right then, he didn't fucking care. Right then all he could focus on was Erwin; tall, toned, and tanned Erwin, with his low hanging jeans and his tight ass, and his washboard abs that Levi wanted to run his tongue all over. They were perfect, he thought, like they belonged on a damned statue, and when the rest of him looked that good too, Levi could only assume that he had a big, gorgeous cock to match. _

_ “Fuck me.” He mumbled at the thought, unsure at the moment if it was a request or an exclamation.  _

_ Erwin sticking whatever he had in his pants up Levi’s ass wasn’t a bad idea, but he didn’t think he’d mind Erwin getting on his knees for him either. Regardless, he was unable to stop imagining what his dick might look like, so much so that he didn’t realize he’d actually spoken out loud - not until Erwin answered him, anyway. _

_ “Right here?” He said, speaking in a low, syrupy tone that had Levi feeling thrilled almost as much as he suddenly did startled. _

_It was because he could only assume that Erwin had overheard what he’d said and was asking if he wanted to fuck right_ there _, but even so, his concern was not the panic that it should be. Rather than becoming flustered he just looked up at Erwin’s face, swallowing a bit in anticipation of what he might find there until he then realized that, instead of responding to his_ _inappropriate statement, Erwin was just asking if he’d found the right spot to start digging._

_ At least, that was what it seemed like because he was standing there and pointing at the ground, but the small, flirtatious, and knowing smile he still wore on his face said otherwise. Had he heard him, and just decided to play along this way? Levi wasn’t sure, but either way, he decided that he couldn’t let the opportunity go to waste.  _

_ “Yeah.” He answered. “It’s a good spot. Although, I know of a better one if you’d rather dig there. It’s a lot tighter. Think you could handle it?” _

_ In response, Erwin laughed, a low chuckle that had Levi biting his lip. “I’m not sure. What do you think?” _

_ With that, Erwin swung the shovel off of his shoulders as if to demonstrate his capabilities, wrapping his huge hands around it and thrusting it into the ground. He pushed it into the grass a bit roughly but then paused, gently shifting it back and forth to work the tip of it deeper into the soil. He was loosening up the dirt, Levi thought, so that he could shovel a pile of it out of there, but why the fuck did it seem so erotic? It probably had something to do with the fact that Erwin was biting his lip and staring at him while he did it, but either way, Levi did not give a shit. He was too busy nodding, deciding that based on the strength and accuracy that Erwin displayed while working, Levi was quite sure that he could handle digging in the  _ other  _ hole he’d mentioned no matter how big his shovel might be. _

_ “I think you could get in there.” He said with that thought, taking a sip of his drink and continuing to enjoy the show. _

_ It lasted another few minutes after Erwin gave him another small, coy smile, his muscles continuing to flex and shine in the sun while he dug farther down. Eventually, he’d made quite a large, knee-deep hole that he was standing in, and although Levi wasn’t sure that was what was needed for a garden, he was more worried about what would happen if Erwin kept shoveling and shoveling until the pit was so deep that he could no longer see him.  _

_ “Hey.” He said at that thought, uncrossing his legs when Erwin paused to look at him. “That’s probably good enough. Why don’t you come over here and start digging that other hole?” _

_ “Whatever you say, Levi.” Erwin responded, his voice practically a purr as he stuck the shovel into the ground.  _

_ He then wiped sweat from his brow enthusiastically and climbed out of the hole, walking over to stand directly in front of Levi’s lawn chair. Again he towered over him, and Levi stared, taking in how he now looked after all that exertion. His skin was flushed from the heat, he saw, and his hair was completely stuck to his wet forehead. He was panting too, heavily and like he’d just pushed himself to the limit, and clearly, Levi thought, he was thirsty. The way he was eyeing his drink with lidded eyes told him that, and so he held it out a moment later, offering the cup to Erwin again like he’d done before.  _

_ “Want a drink first?” He asked, pleased when Erwin nodded with a smile and kneeled down onto the ground in front of his chair.  _

_ He leaned forward as Levi held the drink out further, opening his mouth so that he could wrap his lips around the straw to take a sip. His cheeks hollowed out while he sucked with his eyes closed, and as Levi stared with a nearly dumbfounded expression all over again, he let out a low sound of satisfaction and swallowed the liquid.  _

_ “That tastes good.” He said, opening his eyes to give Levi another smile. “I bet you do too.” _

_ Immediately, Levi raised his eyebrows, spreading his legs out wider in front of him almost on instinct. It allowed Erwin to lean forward closer as if he was going to drink again, but instead of going for the cup, his lips parted and he dipped his head down further to press them against the skin of one of his fingers. The next thing he knew an excited thrill had gone through him because Erwin was sucking it into his mouth - the inside of it hot and wet and nearly causing Levi to groan. He felt Erwin’s tongue brushing across it next and had the sudden urge to reach out and grab his hair, but before he could, a loud beeping sound suddenly started screaming at him from the sky above their heads.  _

“Shit!” Levi's eyes shot open with a start at that, rolling over in a half-panic as he instinctively scrambled to shut off the offending noise. 

It was his alarm, and while he had somehow realized in the back of his mind that's what was going off, he was still half-asleep, his thoughts struggling to catch up to his movements while he grabbed his phone, ended the beeping, and then looked around wildly through squinted eyes in confusion. Where the fuck was he? Outside? Was Erwin there?

No, he realized a moment later, he wasn’t, because Levi was not in his backyard. He was in his bed and had been asleep, and everything that had just happened had just been a very vivid, very  _ heated  _ dream. Still, that didn't keep his thoughts from continuing to be muddled for just a few more seconds, his eyes blinking while he slowly started surfacing from the fog of unconsciousness. Eventually he was able to think straight and the reality of just what it was that he’d been dreaming about hit him, and he found himself groaning, practically collapsing back onto his mattress in exasperation. 

_ Fuck.  _ He thought, slinging an arm over his eyes and biting his lip. What the hell had that been about?

Of course, Levi knew exactly what it had been about, both literally  _ and  _ figuratively. He’d just had some kind of semi-erotic - albeit slightly ridiculous - dream about Erwin, probably because he’d drank too much wine the night before and thought about things he shouldn’t have. At first he’d just been moping, unable to shake off the vexation, guilt, and low spirits he’d found himself in because of how he felt after the e-mail conversation he’d had with Erwin, but then he’d gotten drunk and it had all just turned into loneliness - and not the same kind that he’d experienced before, either.

It was the kind that made him feel...well,  _ horny _ , all because in his fucking idiotic, intoxicated stupor, he’d been telling himself that since he couldn’t find anything more with Erwin, not only would he likely spend the rest of his life unloved, but that he wouldn’t ever get laid again, either. It had been so long since the last time that he could barely remember what it felt like, and thinking about how he’d been untouched and unfulfilled since then was enough to get him frustrated in the most physical, most desperate way possible. 

It was stupid, though. He hadn’t necessarily slept with a lot of men before he barricaded himself inside his house - he’d actually been rather picky about his partners, if he was being honest - and even afterward he hadn’t felt the urge or the need to go out and do it. He’d been fine and satisfied without it, but ever since he’d jerked off that day after seeing Erwin shirtless by his pool he hadn’t been able to shake the underlying urge. It was almost as if it had awoken a latent desire for such things that he’d thought he’d lost when it had happened, because now he found himself longing more and more for the touch of another man, to experience the pleasurable release he’d found not just at the behest of his hand, but as a result of someone else’s.

Of course, it wasn’t just  _ any _ man that Levi wanted, though. It was Erwin, because even if he did seem to crave such things now he still wouldn’t be willing to go out and fuck some random person that he didn’t know, who for all he knew would be dirty or a creep, or even some kind of crazy fucking murderer or psycho. Instead, he’d only be comfortable doing it with a person he knew he could trust, and even if he’d only recently begun a real friendship with Erwin, Levi already felt like he could. It also helped that Erwin was, for a lack of any better terms in what had then been Levi’s drunken mind, hotter than the fucking sun, and that whenever he saw him working he felt the smallest beginnings of a warm tingle developing in his belly. 

He knew what it was - just like he knew what the accompanying fluttering of his heart meant too - and he couldn’t help it. But even so, he tried not to think about it anyway, tried to dismiss it like his other feelings and to tell himself that he didn’t need it. He’d especially forced it from his mind in the recent weeks when he’d started opening up more around Erwin, because if they were just friends then thinking about him like that was inappropriate - especially when Erwin was so young anyway. 

Did lusting after him like that make Levi a creep? 

Fucking probably, he thought, but Erwin didn’t look like a kid. He didn’t act like one either, and in fact, was far more mature and manly than Levi had been at his age, exhibiting facets of responsibility that he hadn’t even developed until he’d built this house. Regardless, though, that didn’t change the fact that he was 22 and Levi was 34, but just like everything else that had happened since they’d met, Levi couldn’t seem to stop what had already started. 

He didn’t jerk off  _ every _ day after that first time, but he certainly did it far, far more often than he had before, and often while thinking about Erwin too. He tried not to but he couldn’t control what kind of images popped up into his mind in the heat of the moment, and..well, his barely restrained lust was no match for the amount of wine he’d had the night before. He’d found his thoughts wandering from the concern that he’d never get laid again to what it might be like if he did, and how Erwin’s hands might feel on him or what he looked like naked. 

He had nice lips and Levi couldn’t stop imagining what it might be like to kiss him either, oddly enough thinking about that almost more than he did anything else. It was like he was an inexperienced teenager or something, wanting to see what his surely warm mouth tasted like and how it felt pressed against his own. Of course, he also wanted to pin Erwin down on a bed and explore all of his bulk with his hands, and although Levi had passed out before he’d managed to drag himself into the bathroom to jerk off, it was shit like that which had clearly resulted in the stupid dream he’d had.  

Now, he had woken up flushed and with a hard-on, despite the fact that what his subconscious mind had imagined happening had been ridiculous. Even if it hadn’t been real he felt embarrassed about it, his cheeks warming in his bed as he remembered the brazen way in which he’d flirted with Erwin in his dream. The innuendo had been more than obvious, but it wasn’t like Erwin had cared. He’d even flirted back with him and then, of course, started sucking on his finger after parading in front of him without his shirt on the entire time, acting just as unabashed as Levi had been. All in all, his behavior had been a bit uncharacteristic based on the impression Levi had of him now, but as for him...well, he’d be lying if he were to claim those were things he wouldn’t say to Erwin had he been braver. 

Not that it mattered either way, though, because there was no telling any of that to his dick. He’d fallen asleep with a boner and woken up with one, and as a result, he now felt intensely frustrated - aching, almost, because of how hard he was. He wanted a release and for something to go in his ass after everything he’d been thinking about, and although he technically didn’t have to be out of bed for another hour and a half, he wasn’t sure that he wanted to start his morning with a guilt-laden jerk-off session. 

With that in mind he did his best to ignore it, closing his eyes, pulling the blankets over his head, and curling up on his side. He tried to doze off again, thinking that he would wake up again in a little while - hopefully with his erection gone - but it was no use: the damned thing would not go away. It persisted stubbornly, causing him to toss and turn in an effort not to think about how it was nearly pulsing between his legs at that point, but it was hopeless. It didn’t help when all he saw when he closed his eyes was Erwin sucking on his finger either, but he couldn’t get the image from his mind no matter how hard he tried. The dream had just been so  _ vivid _ , and with a huff, Levi rolled over a few moments later to the edge of his bed, reaching for the nightstand next to it and jerking it open in defeat. 

Inside was a small collection of things he had not used in years - bottles of lube, several toys of varying types, a vibrator, and surely expired condoms - and after digging around, he snatched up one of the dildos he owned without hesitation. It was about the thickness of two of his fingers and only a little longer, but it would have to do. Hopefully, he thought, shoving it up his ass and fucking himself with it would be enough to satisfy him for a while, because if he continued to have this much frustrating, annoyingly persistent lust every single day, then he wasn’t sure that he was going to make it.

With the goal of relieving himself now in mind, Levi scooped up the fullest bottle of lube he had too, popping it open after he’d kicked off his blankets and squirmed his way out of the underwear he was wearing. Next, he poured a generous amount of the liquid into the palm of his hand, reaching for his cock so that he could make it slick and wet and easy to tug on. As soon as he touched it he let out an exhale - soaking in the feeling of finally having  _ some  _ relief - and then went for the space between his legs, spreading them first so that he could push the tips of two fingers inside of himself without hesitation. 

“Fuck-” He gasped at that, biting his lip and pausing a moment to adjust before he kept going.

It didn’t hurt or anything, but it had been awhile since he'd touched himself like that. He was definitely unaccustomed to the stretch compared to when he’d been younger, but luckily, even though he was feeling a little hurried, he knew better than to push himself too hard, too fast. He had time anyway because Erwin wouldn’t arrive for a few hours, but even with that in mind, he was still fingering himself eagerly before long, quiet moans and gasps leaving his lips as sought to loosen himself up. 

By then any discomfort had gone, and it felt so good that he'd all but forgotten his reticence from earlier, finding himself shamelessly lifting his hips off the bed to meet the motions of his hand. He touched himself like that for a few minutes to just enjoy the feeling, closing his eyes and leaving them unopened until his cock started aching again. At that point, he decided, he was ready for the toy, and didn’t waste another second before grabbing it to hurriedly slick the thing up. 

Afterward, it went in easy for the most part - even if the length of it took his breath away - and caused him to groan from between his parted lips, his thighs trembling a bit while he slid the entirety of it inside himself with one long, smooth stroke. He held his ass open while he did so and then used that hand to grab his cock once the toy was lodged in, stroking it a few times while he caught his breath and idly rubbed at the outside of his hole. 

When he was ready he let go of himself and started moving it, grabbing the base tightly and bending his legs at the knees, letting out whines and moans that grew louder the longer he fucked himself with it. He’d started out slow but gradually moved it in and out faster, making himself sweat and pant for breath, and arch his back and roll his hips eagerly too so that he could meet the toy in an attempt for something harder. Unfortunately, there was only so much he could do when the momentum only came from his hand, and for all the pleasure and satisfaction he felt at finally having something inside him like that, it wasn't as good as the real thing. There was still something missing, he thought, or some _ one _ \- mainly a person who he couldn’t help but imagine whenever he closed his eyes.

It was Erwin, obviously, and no matter how much Levi cursed himself he couldn’t keep from wishing that it was him, that it was  _ his  _ cock thrusting in and out of him rather than a hard, silicone toy that wasn’t big enough. The thought came to him when he clenched around it, finding that although it would be more than enough to get him over the edge, he wished it was thicker. He liked being full and split open around something long and girthy, and while he hasn't seen what was between Erwin's legs, whatever size it was  _ had _ to be bigger than this. He was sure of it, and out of some kind of desperation, Levi stopped moving the toy and instead wiggled the tip of his index finger in beside it, biting his lip and shuddering from the sudden stretch. Then, he grabbed his cock with his free hand again and jerked himself off in earnest, sliding his digit in and out of him alongside the toy until he was whining and tense, and until the tightness grew so much in his belly that he thought he might snap. 

Instead, he spilled come all over himself in several quick spurts, a breathy moan leaving his lips while a rush of blissful pleasure overtook him. It felt so good that it made his toes curl into the sheets, leaving him trembling and boneless while he imagined that it was Erwin's big hands that had stroked and fingered him to release rather than his own, and sighed when he finally came down a few seconds later. Removing the toy and tossing it beside him - he was going to have to wash his sheets anyway, so he wasn't worried about it making a mess - he just laid there for while, catching his breath and basking in the afterglow of his orgasm. It was pleasant enough for him to start dozing again, his mind somehow so relaxed and calm that he didn't even think too much about what he'd just done. It was nice, but he was careful not to let himself fall back asleep or lose track of time, lest Erwin arrive while he had his pants down and come on his stomach all over again.

He still hadn’t forgotten the ensuing disaster that had occurred the last time that had happened, and he had been very, very careful ever since not to let it happen again. This time was no different, and he made sure to drag himself out of bed with plenty of time to spare, showering thoroughly, checking himself in the mirror after he’d thrown clothes on, and put his dirty sheets in the wash. He even cleaned and put away the toy - not that he expected Erwin to end up in his bedroom for any reason whatsoever, but he wasn’t willing to take any chances - before finally going downstairs to eat a quick breakfast. 

At that point it was more like brunch, but he whipped up something and downed it before he got a tray of ice water ready for Erwin. It was part of his routine now, and he did it almost automatically, placing the items down on his patio minutes before he knew Erwin’s car was scheduled to pull up. Had he not gotten so down about their e-mail conversation the night before, Levi might have stuck around to greet him and to see if he wanted to talk about planting the herbs then. However, at that point, he’d fretted about it enough to convince himself that he  _ had  _ been bothering him, and had decided after he’d gotten dressed that he wasn’t going to bring it up unless Erwin did. Biting his lip and feeling irritated that he was back to doubting himself so much all over again just because of one stupid fucking e-mail, Levi headed back inside, trying not to get his hopes up as he overheard the unmistakeable sounds of a car pulling up into his driveway in the distance.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I do want to plant the herbs, if you want to.” Erwin said, a small smile on his face that Levi could see from the corner of his eye.
> 
> It made him huff a bit because he was sure that Erwin was teasing him, but he had no choice but to answer him - not if he wanted to make sure everything regarding their plans was clear, anyway. It would save him the worry if he did, and so he glanced over at Erwin with a mock irritated scowl, ignoring the way their playful conversation had started to make his heart flutter wildly. “I want to.”
> 
> “Alright, good.” Erwin said, his smile growing bigger - still wry, but with something else more genuine too. “It’s official then, for the second time today: we both want to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was a struggle, hopefully its not a mess <3 also, i've recently noticed that when i paste the fic into ao3 the formatting sometimes screws up where i've italicized and adds an extra space. I'm going to try to catch those instances from now on but I didn't have time here, so if it bothers anyone i'm sorry @.@ thank you for reading <333

Despite Levi’s attempts to not focus on it, he couldn’t help but feel disheartened all over again once Erwin had arrived, gotten to work, and didn’t appear to have any interest in knocking on his door to talk. He hadn’t necessarily expected him too, but he couldn’t stop himself from hoping that he would in just the tiniest bit - mainly because if he did, it would soothe Levi’s mind and let him know that he was mistaken about Erwin being bothered or disinterested in helping him with the plants. He desperately wanted to be wrong about it, because not only did he feel like shit at the thought that Erwin didn’t like him as much as Levi did him - in a friendly way, or otherwise - but deep down inside, he still couldn’t deny that he wanted Erwin in a less than innocent way that he probably shouldn’t.

Even as he told himself that it was hopeless and that he was resigned to it, that he  _ knew  _ Erwin would never be interested in him that way, he couldn’t stop himself from yearning for even the tiniest sign that he might - or at the very least that Levi would have a chance to spend more time with him and that it might lead to something. Even if it didn’t, nothing would change the fact that he liked his company though, and up until then Levi had actually started to feel pretty confident that Erwin enjoyed spending time with him too. However, the longer the morning stretched on and the more apparent it became that Erwin wasn’t going to knock on his door, the more dismayed Levi began to feel, until he not only grew irritated at himself again, but for perhaps the first time since all of this had started, at Erwin too. 

If he didn’t want to actually help Levi, why had he offered? Had he not expected him to actually ask for the help? If he didn’t, why couldn’t he just fucking tell him that he’d changed his mind or something, so that Levi could stop with all of his persistent, and quite frankly,  _ draining _ , worries? It wasn’t Erwin’s fault that Levi wanted to know him more, but that didn’t mean it was fair to get his hopes up or lead him on, either.

Still, even with that shit rattling around in his brain, Levi couldn’t get  _ too  _ annoyed with him - especially when he didn’t know the truth. His past experience told him that he was just getting all worked up over nothing, and that he shouldn’t make so many assumptions based on a single, albeit short, e-mail. With that in mind, he tried to tell himself that he was wrong, or at the very least that even if he wasn’t, it didn’t matter. Regardless of whether or not they planted the herbs Levi would still have their afternoon visits, right? Erwin would still come to him for water or lemonade during his mid-day break, and he’d still have that time to socialize with him, and he was stupid, he told himself again, greedy and over-ambitious for expecting more.

That had become his standard reasoning in his attempts to halt his feelings, but it wasn't any more successful than it had been the other times, especially when it turned out that naturally, he had been mistaken all along about Erwin’s disinterest as fucking usual. 

“Hi, Mr. Ackerman.” Erwin said to him later, smiling once he’d knocked on Levi’s back door when it was time for his break. Actually, Levi thought, it was a little earlier than normal, but he was far too despondent by then to bother thinking that it meant anything. “How are you?”

Still feeling a little annoyed at the thought of Erwin putting him through the ringer - intentionally, or not - Levi just shrugged, moving aside all the same to let him inside his house. He then headed into the kitchen and Erwin followed, seating himself in what had become his usual chair at the table. It only took Levi a moment to pull out the fresh lemonade he’d already made along with two glasses, and as he was pouring and at the exact same time that he was reminding himself not to bring anything about the plants up, Erwin pulled out his phone. 

“About the herbs you wanted to plant.” He started, turning the screen to show Levi a picture of what appeared to be a small, indoor garden situated around a windowsill. “These are the kinds of pots I would recommend putting them in. See how they’re different than the ones they come in from the store?”

Levi bit his lip, having come to a surprised halt when Erwin had immediately launched into this subject. He’d stopped pouring his lemonade and looked at him while feeling a small flutter of something - was it relief? - before he glanced at the phone, indeed noticing that the pots were made of clay rather than plastic, and that they were big enough so that the roots of the plants were not crammed in. They clearly had room to grow, and...well, even if they  _ were  _ just herbs he had to admit they looked more comfortable than if they’d been living in a shitty, thin container that was no better than a milk jug, but why was Erwin showing him this?

Did it mean that Levi had worried for nothing, and that he didn’t mind helping like he’d offered before? It seemed that way, as he was smiling a bit and his eyes were bright with interest, and he was watching Levi expectantly, like he was waiting for him to react to the picture he’d shown him or something. 

“Uh. Yeah.” Levi said then after having that thought, nodding as if to emphasize. He opened his mouth, wanting to say more and to talk further about the subject, but not sure if he should just yet. Even though he felt relief and the tiniest bit of renewed excitement that this  _ was  _ apparently going to happen, he still remembered the disappointment he’d felt at just the thought of it falling through, and found himself wanting to make sure Erwin really meant his offer so that he wouldn’t have to experience any of that shit again. “We don’t have to do that, though. I mean...if you don’t want to, or whatever. I get it if you don’t. It won’t piss me off if you were just being nice when you asked.”

Although after mumbling the words, Levi had braced himself, expecting Erwin to sag with relief or immediately blurt out that he didn’t want to help. Instead of that, though, he just drew his brows down, staring at Levi with a bit of confusion while he went back to pouring his lemonade. “What? Why wouldn’t I? Did I say something, or-”

“You-” Levi said, setting the pitcher of liquid down, stopping when he realized there had been concern in Erwin’s voice when he’d answered him. That, plus the way he'd responded so quickly made Levi feel confident that he hadn't just been being nice. He wanted to help him with this, but then again, why had he spoken so oddly in his e-mail? Had Levi blown the tone of it out of proportion? That was likely, but one way or the other, he thought, he'd rather be certain. “You didn't sound like you wanted to in your e-mail. But I'm shitty at...at  _ this,  _ so-”

Levi had gestured between him and Erwin towards the end of his sentence, hoping that it would somehow convey what he meant but was too embarrassed to say: socialization. He'd added it because he didn't want Erwin to feel bad if he hadn't done it on purpose and Levi was just being paranoid, but then trailed off, swallowing, looking away, and sitting down while his ears turned red. He felt a bit stupid and awkward suddenly because of all this, and he wondered if he'd ever get used to having friends enough to stop making a fool of himself. 

“No.” Erwin said though, sounding almost sheepish. His tone made Levi glance back up at him, eyeing him while his heart gave a little hopeful skip and Erwin smiled at him reassuringly. “I probably did sound short, I’m sorry. I was at the gym when you e-mailed me, and then I had some scholarship applications to fill out. That was why I asked if we could wait and talk about it today.”

“Oh.” Levi said at that, nodding in understanding as he digested what it was that Erwin had just told him. 

Obviously, it had all been a minor misunderstanding. Levi had figured that out a few minutes ago, but even though his abashment grew at how badly he’d misinterpreted things and made this into a big deal, he also felt relieved, and excited all over again, and not to mention a little intrigued at the idea of Erwin at the gym.  _ Of course _ he worked out, Levi thought, how could he not? There was no way he didn’t with the physique he had, but this was the first time he’d mentioned it, and now Levi’s mind had started imagining Erwin shirtless and sweaty and lifting weights in tight spandex shorts. 

The vision was a lot like his dream, actually, except Erwin had been ‘exercising’ with a shovel, but was that really what he should be pondering right then? Definitely not after what he’d gone through that morning, but it didn’t help when Erwin suddenly took a sip of lemonade - his lips parting to drink from the glass - and even if he wasn’t sucking it out from a straw, Levi was reminded of how he’d put his finger in his mouth all over again during his dream. 

“Uh, okay.” He blurted, shifting in his seat to cross his arms and legs, somehow managing to tear himself out of his near-trance so that he wouldn’t end up getting caught staring. “It doesn’t matter.”

“I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t mean it.” Erwin said then, his lips curved up into the tiniest smile as if he was teasing him, or as if he found his insecurities amusing in some way.

Reacting more out of embarrassment than anything else, Levi frowned. “How would I know that shit?”

“You wouldn’t, I suppose. But that’s why I’m telling you now. I don't mind helping you with things like that if you need it. We're friends, aren't we?” 

At that, Levi’s eyes widened without his permission, and whatever response he might have had died when Erwin asked him that question. It was because that was the first time he'd ever heard Erwin use that word - or at least, use it in reference to him - and although Levi considered Erwin his friend, he hadn't known for sure what Erwin thought about him. His words confirmed it though, made him certain that Erwin felt the same way, because why would he ask if he didn't? He wouldn't, Levi thought, because even someone as awkward as him knew that didn't make sense, and quite frankly, after everything he'd gone through and the importance he'd placed on having someone to call his friend in the first place, hearing Erwin say that to him was...well, it was  _ gratifying _ . 

It made him feel good, he thought, it made him  _ happy  _ \- so much so that he was practically glowing with it, at least on the inside. Suddenly, all that shit from before and the awkward situation he’d felt he’d put them in seemed ridiculous and like it didn’t matter, as the remaining uncertainty and tension that had lingered inside him began to slacken by the second. It was enough so that he all but forgot about it in the moments that followed, but not until he’d answered Erwin after realizing he hadn’t opened his mouth yet 

“Yeah.” He said eventually, nodding as if to emphasize. Across the table from him, Erwin smiled in response, a small, soft looking one that made Levi’s heart flutter. He was flushing - he knew he had been for several seconds - and the increased burning sensation on his cheeks made him feel more embarrassed. Scoffing and biting back a smile of his own, though, he looked away to try and halt his blush, adopting what he hoped was a teasing tone of voice when he next spoke. “Yeah, I guess we’re friends. Unless you’re just doing all this shit for the lemonade.”

For a brief moment after Levi said that, he feared that Erwin would take him seriously, or assume that fixing him the lemonade was a bother. That was probably what Levi would think if their positions were reversed - he’d spent the entire previous night and that morning doing that exact thing, actually -  but his concern was short-lived, as it wasn’t even a second before Erwin chuckled, pouring himself another glass of said lemonade with an even wider smile than before.

“The lemonade is just a perk. It’s good, but the company is much better.” He said, while Levi inwardly cursed across from him. So much for ridding himself of his red face, he thought. What the hell did that mean? “And besides, even if I do drink it all, I’m going to make it up to you by helping you with the plants. Right?”

“Yeah.” Levi answered before he had time to think about Erwin’s comment, sensing that this was his way of asking if Levi still wanted help with growing herbs.

He did, of course, and now that he was sure that Erwin’s willingness to do so was not feigned, he felt a bit excited again. This was something new, another step in their growing friendship, he realized, and however much time they’d end up spending together because of it, Levi was looking forward to it. The feeling only increased when Erwin then told him ‘good,’ shifting suddenly in his chair to scoot it over and around Levi’s round table. He was doing it to get closer to him, apparently, bringing his phone with him so that Levi could have a better view of whatever it was that he needed to show him. 

“So do you like the size of these pots?” He asked quietly, opening the photo they’d been looking at earlier. 

“Yeah.” Levi answered, forcing his gaze to stay on Erwin's phone screen. “They're big.”

_ Just like you. _ He thought, struggling to keep the sudden whirlwind in his mind from getting out of hand. It was because of how close he was to him now, the abrupt shift in proximity between them almost taking Levi off guard. It was a miracle he'd found his voice to answer him - much less that he'd been able to speak in an even tone - but it was even harder not to ogle his fucking forearms, or to side-eye his shoulders and neck from where he was seated mere inches away from his face. He was just so  _ tall,  _ Levi thought, biting his lip, that even when they were in chairs he seemed to tower over him. Just contemplating his bulk was enough to cause Levi to nearly squirm, but he couldn't think about that shit right then. It wasn't appropriate and he would chide himself later,  _ again _ , and he couldn't get distracted from their conversation if he didn’t want to come across as a weirdo. 

“Alright. That's good. They're inexpensive too, but that's because they're plain. If you want decorated ones it will cost more.”

“Plain is fine.” Levi said, because he didn't care about that, not really. 

Nodding, Erwin continued. “And you wanted basil and cilantro?” 

“Yeah.”

“That’s it?”

“I guess.” Levi said with a shrug, unsure of why Erwin was asking him that. 

“Don’t you use other herbs when you cook?”

“Well, yeah.” Levi scoffed, because _ of course _ he used other herbs. 

He used a shit ton of different kinds, in fact, so many that he had two entire shelves dedicated to the bottles and containers of them in his pantry - and not to mention the drawer in his fridge. However, he wasn’t stupid enough to believe that he could grow all of them, and he’d just picked basil and cilantro because he probably used those the most. He relayed that to Erwin and watched as he nodded, leaning over the table to touch something on his phone screen before he spoke.

“That makes sense, but I didn’t know if you’d like to plant other kinds too, like parsley or rosemary, while we’re at it. It’d be easier to do them all at once if you did.”

“Oh.” Levi said, biting his lip. He’d considered that, of course, because he’d even imagined Erwin helping him plant an entire garden of vegetables and shit when he’d first decided he’d wanted to do this. However, he’d thought it best to start small because he’d assumed that would be a pain in the ass, but here Erwin was suggesting the opposite - at least when it came to the herbs. “Yeah, okay, if you want to.”

“I do want to, if you want to.” Erwin said, a small smile on his face that Levi could see from the corner of his eye.

It made him huff a bit because he was sure that Erwin was teasing him, but he had no choice but to answer him - not if he wanted to make sure everything regarding their plans was clear, anyway. It would save him the worry if he did, and so he glanced over at Erwin with a mock irritated scowl, ignoring the way their playful conversation had started to make his heart flutter wildly. “I want to.”

“Alright, good.” Erwin said, his smile growing bigger - still wry, but with something else more genuine too. “It’s official then, for the second time today: we both want to.”

“Fucker.” Levi muttered in a lighthearted tone, looking away when Erwin started laughing, wondering what the hell they were doing too and how Erwin managed to poke fun at him in a way that didn't piss him off, but instead made him feel giddy.

In the end, after Erwin's chuckling died down, they decided that Levi would start with not only basil and cilantro, but chives, parsley, oregano, thyme, and rosemary too. They were all fairly common, basic herbs and some of the easiest to care for, Erwin told him, and ones that Levi would use often enough in his cooking for it to not be a waste of time. Even if they produced more than he needed he knew ways to preserve them, which would be good for the winter anyway when they didn’t really grow. All it was going to take for him to get started was for Erwin to help him pot the plants in their new containers, and for him to show him how much to water them and how much sunlight they needed, and other shit like that which Levi wasn’t sure of. 

From the sound of it, Levi thought, it seemed like it was going to take a few hours to do, and because of that he was eager to get started. That would be more time than he’d ever spent with Erwin so far, and not only was he looking forward to it, but also towards getting to do something different from his normal routine. He had to admit that he got bored sometimes, as cleaning probably couldn’t even be considered a real hobby, and he could only entertain himself so much by watching television or browsing the internet. Even shopping for tea wasn’t something that he could do every day, and although he had his cooking...well, he could only make so much food when most of the time he only fed himself.

Naturally, that thought led him into remembering how much he wished he could cook for Erwin. He still wanted to do it and still thought about it a lot, but even after growing more comfortable around him the past few weeks he was still afraid to ask. He didn’t know why, really, but offering him dinner at his house seemed more intimate or serious, like he’d be asking Erwin on a date or something instead of just a casual break for lemonade. It made him nervous, and even now, when it was obvious that Erwin didn’t mind spending time with him outside of work, Levi still wasn’t sure if it was something that he would be able to handle doing.

Regardless, though, it had been a good day, despite how it had started with Levi doubting himself and sure that Erwin didn’t put as much importance on their friendship as he did. Now, it was clear that he’d been wrong, and it was hard for him to get down about the unanswered longing he couldn’t seem to shake when he felt happy again, and when he had something certain that he knew he could look forward to.

“Uh.” He said as he continued to imagine himself gardening with Erwin, picturing the two of them in his backyard with pots and bags of dirt strewn around them. He wanted to get started as soon as they could - or as soon as Erwin wanted to - but before they were able to begin planting, he knew, they would have to get the supplies. “I’m gonna get the stuff delivered. I found a nursery that will drive out here.”

“Delivered? Won’t that be expensive?” Erwin asked, causing Levi to squirm a bit in his chair.

He hadn’t considered it much before, but Erwin had probably figured Levi would have to leave for town to pick everything up. It wasn’t a strange assumption - that was how most people operated, after all, but Levi preferred delivery. He’d been buying things like that for years and he was used to it, and it was  _ easier  _ than making a long, hassling trip into the city, going to a store, and dealing with strangers that he’d rather not talk to. Never mind the fact that the thought of leaving his property made him nervous, because if he  _ had  _ to leave, he could. He just didn’t fucking want to, and he didn’t see the point in forcing himself when he had the option of having someone else bring it to him instead. 

“I dunno.” He said with that thought, making sure to speak carefully, though, because he didn’t want to have to explain that or come across as a fucking crazy shut-in. That’s certainly what he thought about himself, and the last thing he wanted was for Erwin to think that too. “It doesn’t matter. I can have it here in a few days.”

“Ah, okay. I was going to ask if you wanted to go buy it together, but if you’d rather have it delivered, that’s fine.” Erwin said, causing Levi’s eyes to widen a bit.

It was because of Erwin’s words about how he’d been going to invite him out, to ask him to go shopping  _ together  _ for the supplies instead of Levi going alone. It didn’t make him change his mind - in fact, it made him more sure that he had to get it delivered, because there was no  _ way  _ he wouldn’t make a fool of himself in front of Erwin if they did go out - but the idea that Erwin wouldn’t mind going with him made him feel even better than before, despite the fact that they’d just be going on an errand to get plants. Clearly Levi wasn’t just imagining all of this if he’d mentioned it like that, and for a brief moment, he felt bad. Was it just him, or was Erwin looking at him a little hopefully, like he’d just asked him a question or something and was stuck waiting on him to answer? 

“Oh. I didn’t know, I’m-” Levi started, swallowing and struggling to think of what to say. 

He wanted to say yes, he found, but he just couldn’t. The thought made his stomach flip - and not in the good way - and he’d rather stay there with Erwin, where he’d finally managed to find some sort of comfort and normalcy in their interactions together. Still, though, Levi didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Nor did he want him to think that it had anything to do with him, but before he could figure out what exactly to say, Erwin just continued with a reassuring smile.

“It’s alright. You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. We can get the supplies however you want. Do you want me to make you a list so you can order it?”

“Yeah, okay.” Was Levi’s reply, uttered after he’d chewed on his lip for a moment and then frowned. 

He just didn’t know how to respond and didn’t want to make things awkward, and with Erwin’s smile and the way he was already reaching for his phone again, it was probably best to move on. He didn’t seem bothered or worried even if Levi was concerned, and instead kept a smile on his face, making Levi a short list quickly on his phone before e-mailing it to him. 

“Just let me know when it’s going to be delivered.” He said, while Levi nodded beside him. “The herbs will be happier if we get them in their new pots as soon as possible.”

“Got it.” Levi muttered, once again snorting at Erwin’s implication that plants had feelings.

For the life of him he couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not, but either way, it probably didn’t matter. Obviously, Erwin knew what he was doing because Levi’s yard looked better than it had in years, and if he could take care of complicated flowers and trees, then he had no doubt that his advice regarding how to care for some simple herbs was correct - even if it  _ did  _ sound ridiculous when said out loud.

“Alright, then. I guess that’s all we can do for now. As much as I don’t want to go back out into the heat, I should probably finish up for the day.” Erwin said a few seconds later, standing up and taking the now empty pitcher of lemonade into his hands. “Here, I’ll help you clean up.”

“I can get it.” Levi blurted in response, jumping up automatically in an attempt to stop Erwin from heading to the sink. 

It was because he always did that himself and didn't mind; in his view, Erwin was a guest when he was inside his house even if he was employed there, and he didn't want him to do anymore work for him that he didn't have too. As such, he stepped forward and reached out to try and take the pitcher when he stood up from his chair, but moved too fast without thinking about it and caused the napkin in his lap to fall onto the floor. Cursing, he bent to grab it on instinct, only to find himself with Erwin's hand over the top of his when he did the same thing. Obviously he'd just been trying to help him by picking it up, but they'd moved too fast and at the same time, and they'd touched skin before either of them had been able to stop it. 

“Sorry.” Erwin mumbled immediately though, pulling his fingers away and straightening while Levi froze and felt his ears flush. They were suddenly burning hotter than the fucking sun, and it was all he could do to grab the napkin and put it back on the table, righting himself without revealing how flustered he was. “Sorry, I didn't mean to.”

“It's fine.” Levi choked out, his only respite from the hammering in his heart being that when he managed to look at him, Erwin actually seemed a bit caught off guard too. 

His double apology suggested as much, but his expression was all widened eyes and parted lips - subtle, but noticeable to Levi for a split second - and even if it was just because of the awkwardness, Levi couldn't help but find it cute. It didn't help when he  _ swore _ he glimpsed a hint of pink on Erwin's cheeks too, the sight of it for some reason filling him with the playful urge to just make it worse. 

“I know I’m shitty at gardening, but I can at least clean without you holding my hand, you know.” He said before he could stop himself, his tone somehow becoming teasing and lighthearted without his express permission. 

He was glad it did so that Erwin wouldn’t think he was being rude, though, because his comment had the desired effect. It made Erwin smile -  _ sheepishly _ , Levi thought - and even exhale a bit in amusement, and Levi had to turn around to head to the sink after grabbing the pitcher from him so that he wouldn’t get too flustered himself all over again. It was strange that it had just disappeared before that though, as if he’d suddenly felt confident and completely worry free that Erwin’s response wouldn’t be bad. He didn’t know how, especially considering he’d made a fucking comment about the two of them holding hands, but did it matter? He’d been right, as Erwin didn’t seem put off in the least, and the way he reacted gave Levi an excited thrill that curled tightly in his stomach and made his heart nearly pound out of his chest.

“I know. Your house is always spotless. I don’t doubt that you’ll be just as good at gardening in the end.”

The compliment made Levi’s face warm again, but not enough to keep him from peeking back at Erwin over his shoulder after he said it. He was still standing where Levi had left him and was looking at something on his phone again, but his smile from before still remained. It was wide enough to brighten his eyes noticeably and to dimple his damned cheeks, and now Levi was  _ sure  _ Erwin was flushing, because the rounded tops of them were a much darker pink than they had been before. 

“We’ll see.” Levi muttered in response, too busy trying to control the warm fluttering inside him to come up with anything better to say. 

He looked away and went back to what he’d been doing before - washing out the pitcher in his sink - and wondered what Erwin’s reaction meant. Honestly, right then, he couldn’t even begin to fathom it, but it wasn’t like he was going to get a chance to try. Before he could he heard Erwin coming up behind him, the empty lemonade glasses that they’d left on the table in both his hands, with another amused expression on his face as he passed them on to him.

“I think you’ll be fine, once you get the hang of it. You have a good attention to detail, and that helps. Although if you  _ do  _ need me to hold your hand until then, I will.”

It was a good thing that Levi had already deposited the glasses into his sink, because if he hadn’t, he was sure that he would have fucking dropped them when Erwin finished speaking. They would have broken and glass would have been everywhere, and that would have been a shame, because then he would have missed out on the way Erwin averted his eyes towards the ceiling and cleared his throat immediately after, like he was worried he’d overstepped and was almost self-conscious about what he had said. 

Levi could tell because he’d thought the same shit just moments before, but how could he protest when he’d been the one to start the teasing? He couldn’t, and he’d be lying anyway if he said he didn’t enjoy it or that it bothered him, especially when he was starting to wonder if teasing was actually what they were doing in the first place. He had no idea if Erwin was being serious or not, but it occurred to him only a moment later that he’d spoken in exactly the same way - mentioning Erwin holding his hand while they gardened in a manner that suggested he wouldn’t actually mind it if it did happen. That was because he knew he wouldn’t, but was Erwin thinking the same thing?

“Like I said.” Levi blurted with that thought, somehow managing to continue on naturally in case he actually was. “We’ll see.”

“Alright. I’m looking forward to it.” Erwin said, his eyes staring down at Levi from where he was hovering around next to him. 

His tone was still playful, Levi thought, but it was sincere, too, and the smile he was giving him was certainly friendly and genuine. It indicated that he meant what he’d said, and regardless of whatever the fuck else their conversation had just meant, it made Levi feel good. He was excited to do this with Erwin and to spend more time with him, as every day they spoke he seemed to come out of it feeling happy and like things were okay. Even after the speed bump he’d had the night before he still felt that way - not only with Erwin, but with his own improving behavior, too. 

Not only had he managed to tell Erwin how he felt and that he’d been worried by something he’d said, he’d done it without offending him, and he’d even made Erwin laugh several times throughout the day. Those were all things that he almost couldn’t have imagined himself doing when he had first met Erwin, and when he thought about it, he had actually come out of the shell he’d made for himself quite a bit. Also, he remembered with a swell of warmth in his chest, because of that, Erwin had called him his friend, and regardless of whether they would ever become anything more, Levi thought, he already knew that he wasn’t going to regret making room for Erwin in his life no matter what. 

“Yeah.” He said with that in mind, allowing one corner of his lips to curve up in the tiniest smile. “Me too.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charming? Levi thought, barely believing that he had understood Erwin's e-mail correctly until he looked at it again, reading it over and over while his cheeks grew flushed and his heart swelled in his chest. What the hell did that mean?

That night, Levi didn’t waste any time getting to work on ordering the gardening supplies Erwin said he would need, sitting down with his laptop in the small office he had across from his bedroom. It was where he worked when he had to do his finances and taxes and shit like that, and rarely used otherwise unless he had to file some kind of document or pull one out of his cabinets. He didn’t need to be in there to order things off the internet, of course, but this was important. It wasn’t just him shopping for tea because he was bored or buying groceries, it was a task that their gardening plans going well depended on, one that Levi didn’t want to fuck up by accidentally forgetting anything. 

If he did then it would possibly throw a wrench in getting the herbs planted, and because he was looking forward to doing all of this with Erwin so much already, he knew he had to do it right. That meant using his office and sitting in front of an actual computer instead of a tablet, printing out the list Erwin had made for him too and going through it item by item, checking them off with a pen as he found each one and added them to his shopping cart online. It might take him a bit longer doing it that way than normal, but he didn’t care, and so after getting situated at his desk with dinner - a simple, quick stir fry, because he’d wanted to have time for this - he printed out a physical copy of the e-mail like he’d planned, going to the nursery’s website after he had everything in front of him.

Like that, it took him about an hour to browse through and find everything he needed, carefully eyeballing the price and the description of each item to make sure he’d found the correct thing every time. One by one he found it all, adding them to his cart and dutifully placing a large, visible check mark with his pen next to whatever it was called on his list, even double checking once he was done to make sure he’d gotten everything. Thankfully, he had because the website had everything in stock that he needed, and it was all eligible to be delivered to his house in two days. Getting it that fast was going to incur a rush fee, he saw, one that was quite pricy. However, he only hesitated for just a moment before he told himself that it didn’t matter, clicking the ‘place order’ button before he could change his mind, and after he had again checked to make sure every single thing was correct. 

Immediately, he felt a bit of anxiousness that he’d just spent too much, that he’d just thrown too much money at something that he probably shouldn’t have. That thought was stupid though because it wasn’t like he didn’t have the funds, and it wasn’t like he usually spent much on himself either. Even if he did this wasn’t just for him - it was for him, Erwin,  _ and  _ their friendship, and again, Levi reminded himself,  _ he had the money. _ His worries were just a result of his poor past, and of his naturally frugal instincts, something which he figured he had in common with the relative that had left all the money to him in the first place: his great-grandfather. 

He didn’t know for sure because he’d only met the old fart twice - once when he’d been about five years old and scared shitless of him because he’d already looked like a corpse, and another time when he’d been 16. By then his mother had been dead and he’d been dragged to his house with his uncle, only remembering that he looked even worse then, smelled like mothballs, and asked a surly Levi a bunch of questions about his friends, what he did at school, and if he missed his mom. 

Seeing as how he hadn’t wanted to be there he’d only given him basic answers, and couldn’t believe that he’d said anything that had warranted his receipt of the man’s fortune after his death. In fact, he was pretty sure he’d acted like an asshole, and to this day, didn’t fully understand why he had inherited it. All he knew was that he probably owed it to his mother, who Levi knew had once worked with him before he’d been born. If she hadn’t been dead Levi suspected that she’d be made his heir rather than himself, but instead, the letter the news had come in had been addressed to ‘Levi Ackerman, Kuchel’s son,’ the designation repeated throughout his will over and over again in exactly the same way. 

By the end of the document Levi was listed as the one and only recipient of his massive fortune, though - a fortune which Levi had not even known he’d possessed in the first place because he didn’t live that way. Apparently none of his extended family had either, people who he had never even fucking met in his life until he suddenly became rich. Suddenly, they were contacting him and then protesting the will and trying to get their share, using the terrible mistakes Levi had made in his past against him. 

At that point what he’d done had still been rather fresh, too, and he had no doubt that his relatives constantly throwing it in his face had affected how he’d recovered from it and helped to make him so untrustworthy of others. His uncle had been dead by then and he’d had no one to help him, and the only bright spot in the whole ordeal was that he’d met Mikasa. She was the only reason he even bothered to keep up with his remaining family now, and when  _ he  _ was dead, if she didn’t try to take it from him like the rest of her family had, then he intended to leave whatever was left of it to her. 

That wasn’t why he didn’t spend much of it, though, not really. He’d just never been able to get used to not having to pinch pennies and shit like that from when he’d been young and poor and his mother had been struggling to raise him, and he wasn’t sure if he ever would. He also wondered if his great-grandfather had been the same seeing as how he didn't live in a mansion or anything like that, but Levi supposed he’d never know. Either way, he reasoned, he could justify spending money on something like this - mainly, he thought, because it would be more than worth it in the end since it meant he’d get to spend time with Erwin. 

_ hey.  _ He typed into a new e-mail at that thought, realizing that he needed to tell Erwin when the shit would be delivered. He started it quickly but remembered what had happened last time before he hit send, swallowing and adding one more thing to his message.  _ are you busy?  _

_ No. I just got back from the gym.  _ Erwin replied, fast enough so that Levi barely had any time to take a bite of the food he was still eating. 

Shoving the rest of it into his mouth so he could concentrate on their conversation, he chewed and then bit his lip, deciding to ask Erwin one more thing so he could be sure he wasn't bothering him.  _ do you have scholarship applications like the other day, or whatever? _

_ No, I already sent those in. I’m just watching TV.  _

_ what are you watching?  _ Levi asked before he could help himself, finding that talking to Erwin had apparently become so easy by then that he was able to get distracted without even realizing it.

_ I’m watching a cooking show.  _ Erwin replied, showing no signs that he minded the pointless conversation over e-mail either.  _ They’re making a stew.  _

_ what the hell are you watching that for? aren’t you afraid you’ll burn your apartment down by just looking at it? _

The comment was teasing, and a reference to the time when Erwin had explained to him how terrible he was at cooking. He’d talked about burning his home down if he tried like it was a real possibility, and Levi couldn’t resist poking fun at him a bit because he found it amusing that he was watching a cooking show when he hadn’t seemed to have interest in it before.

_ No... _ Erwin said, in such a way that Levi could almost imagine the chuckle he let out when he was being playful.  _ I’ve been watching them lately. I’m trying to learn. _

_ oh. are you gonna cook something? _

_ Maybe one day. After we talked about it, I started thinking that it  _ would  _ be nice to eat something that isn’t frozen once in awhile, I suppose. _

At that, Levi stiffened in his chair. His heart suddenly started pounding in his chest and his eyes widened, and he stared at his computer screen with his fingers paused over the keyboard. Immediately, he knew what he wanted to do in response: offer to cook Erwin dinner. It was the perfect opportunity for him to ask, Levi thought, because Erwin had brought it up himself, in a way. He’d even given Levi the excuse he always repeated in his head as his reason for proposing that they eat together, the one where he knew that Erwin only ate shitty food and would surely like something better. All he had to do was type up the question and hit send, but before he could summon up the courage, Erwin sent him another e-mail. 

_ Did you order the gardening supplies?  _ He asked, causing Levi to blink and fight back a wave of disappointment.

He really did want to ask and had been closer than he had any other time, but whatever. Knowing that Erwin actually wanted to eat a home cooked meal might make it easier in the future, because Levi was now a bit more confident that he’d actually say yes. Deciding to leave it for now and wait for another opportunity, he replied to the question Erwin had asked him, considering as that was the entire reason he had e-mailed Erwin in the first place.

_ yeah. they’re delivering it all in two days. _

_ Good. I’ll come over the morning after that and we can get started. If that’s alright, of course. _

_ yeah.  _ Levi sent back.  _ its alright. you can come whenever you want. _

_ Alright. Just checking. :-) _

At the sight of Erwin’s smiley face, Levi bit his lip. Normally when Hange sent those to him he just ignored it, as he’d always felt silly using them and would rather just use words to say what he meant. However, when he saw Erwin’s he felt his heart flutter for some reason, finding it  _ cute  _ and  _ nice _ , and feeling like the inclusion of it meant Erwin was pleased with their conversation and enjoying it. Perhaps it was also the fact that it immediately caused him to recall the sight of Erwin actually smiling at him in real life too - something that  _ always  _ made his chest warm - but either way it certainly wasn’t something that Erwin had needed to add to the end of his sentence. Before Levi could question how ridiculous he’d become because he was now over analyzing a fucking smiley face, he instead found himself wanting to respond back to Erwin with one too.

Ignoring the hint of embarrassment he felt at using them, Levi awkwardly typed ‘:-)’ into his e-mail reply. After he’d written it he stared at it for a moment, wondering if he should add something else or just send that, shifting in his seat and eventually just deciding that it was fine as is - except without the nose. It made the face look even stupider than it already did, and so after sighing and feeling a bit ridiculous, he backspaced all the way and retyped it without the ‘-,’ hitting send as quickly as he could after so he wouldn’t second guess himself again. He was acting like an idiot, but unfortunately, in his hurry to get the message over with, he hadn’t proofread it again and accidentally sent ‘;)’ instead of ‘:)’. When he noticed it his stomach flipped and he swore at himself, feeling a sudden jolt of panic because wasn’t a winking face supposed to be  _ flirty? _

He thought that was the case, but even if it wasn’t, it seemed to give off a much different impression than a normal one did - especially because he hadn’t sent it with any other context. It was playful and implied something other than the standard, nice smile, and...well, Levi quickly grew flustered at his accidental use of it. What if Erwin thought it was dumb? What if he got the wrong impression? If he did, Levi thought, what the fuck would that even be?

He wasn’t sure, not after the conversation they’d had that afternoon in his kitchen. They’d joked around with each other and mentioned holding hands, the entire tone of the exchange playful and lively. Had they been flirting then? Levi still didn’t know, and hadn’t spent too much time trying to figure it out because he’d just been riding his good mood for once. Their interactions had made him happy regardless of the intent or meaning behind them, but he had to assume that either way, whatever impression Erwin might get from the wink he’d thrown at him couldn’t be anything bothersome after that afternoon.

_ Are you teasing me again?  _ Erwin sent then, the e-mail popping up almost as soon as Levi had the thought. It confirmed what he was thinking and washed his uneasiness away, and instead caused him to feel the same lighthearted thrill that he had in his kitchen earlier. It was a strange feeling that made his stomach tighten too, like a mixture between nerves and excitement and anxiousness - except with the very important difference that it didn’t make him feel upset. In fact, it made him feel good, as did the next few e-mail exchanges he and Erwin had in the moments that followed.  _ It’s not fair when you do, you know. You’re my boss, so I can’t say anything back. I just have to take it. _

_ yeah, right. that hasn’t stopped you from talking shit at all. _

_ When have I ever talked shit? _

_ well, you’re fucking doing it right now. do you think that matters? _

_ No, not really. I thought you might have cared if I didn’t act professional at first, but you don’t.  _

_ that’s because i’m the last person who can say shit about acting normal. _

_ Haha.  _ Erwin said to that, the image of him smiling brightly in response popping up in Levi’s mind.  _ I don’t know what you mean. _

Rolling his eyes, Levi nearly scoffed out loud, barely resisting the urge to tell Erwin that he was talking shit again already. His comment had been about his behavior, about how he knew he was awkward and had been an asshole to Erwin at first, and how he couldn’t ever in his right mind judge Erwin for not acting ‘professional’ because of that. Even if he wasn’t a weirdo he didn’t think he’d care - it wasn’t like they worked in an office or anything like that, after all - because he just wasn’t uptight about shit like that. Regardless, though, that didn’t make his actions any less strange, and if Erwin expected him to believe that he hadn’t noticed even if he didn’t care...well, then he really, really was full of shit.

_ so you don’t think me bringing you a popsicle to apologize was weird?  _ Levi asked with that in mind, coming up with the most ridiculous thing he felt like he’d done other than just flat out being a dick.

_ No. _ Erwin said though, causing Levi to raise an eyebrow before he saw the rest of his message. _ I thought it was charming.  _

Charming? Levi thought, barely believing that he had understood Erwin's e-mail correctly until he looked at it again, reading it over and over while his cheeks grew flushed and his heart swelled in his chest. Charming?  _ Charming?  _ What the hell did that mean? Technically he did know what it meant, of course, but he was pretty sure he’d never been called that before in his life, as ‘crude,’ ‘disagreeable,’ and ‘unrefined’ were terms that were more than likely to be thrown at him rather than anything else. Not only had Erwin just assured him again that he wasn’t perturbed by any of the strange behavior he exhibited along those lines, though, but implied that he actually found it likable. 

That was what his words meant, right? Levi was certain that it did, and although he wasn’t sure whether Erwin meant it in a friendly way or more than that, it was still...well,  _ sweet _ , kind and gratifying enough to make Levi's head spin from how he suddenly found himself absolutely buzzing with bubbly happiness and warmth. He even felt himself smiling a little as he looked at the message one more time, biting his lip at the thoughts swirling in his head before responding with a simple  _ ‘oh. ok.’  _

He was too flustered to say anything else, really, but fortunately, Erwin wasn’t deterred by the lack of substance in what he’d said, and continued their conversation by politely asking Levi if he needed him to bring anything when it was time to plant the herbs. Not long after they decided that Levi would let him know if he did they stopped e-mailing, but only because Erwin excused himself to get ready for bed. Levi did the same thing after putting his dinner plate away, spending the rest of the time he was awake in some kind of contented, blissful daze, unable to stop repeating what Erwin had called him over and over again in his head. 

He liked him a lot, he thought, once he had finally curled up under his covers and gotten comfortable, so much so that he should probably be alarmed by how much a simple comment like that could affect him. He wasn’t used to feeling this happy about shit like that, and he already knew he was certainly in deep with the intensity of his feelings. However, rather than get frightened or intimidated by it like he might have before out of fear of getting hurt, he ignored the usual passing notion that Erwin might not exhibit the same emotions, and instead just relaxed in bed and soaked in how good their interactions made him feel. Staring at his ceiling, he laid there and thought about how much he couldn’t wait for Erwin to come over and help him plant the herbs, too, finding himself looking forward to it so much that it was really almost all he thought about during the next two days. 

It was so bad that he could barely even distract himself by doing chores or cooking, and the fact that Erwin had taken the time up until then off from his gardening duties only made him anticipate it more. It was because Levi didn’t get to see him and didn’t have the convenient excuse of him being at work at his house to talk to him, and although he certainly  _ wanted  _ to e-mail him again when he was bored, he refrained, not wanting to bug him or become overbearing with his attention. 

By the time the nursery delivery truck came around to Levi’s property the night before he was positively antsy though, excited but impatient for the next day. He wanted very badly to send Erwin a message to make sure that he was still coming, but he had no reason to believe that he wasn’t, right? Why wouldn’t he? Levi couldn’t think of a reason that didn’t have anything to do with his own stupid paranoia, but funnily enough, it became apparent after the supplies were delivered that Erwin might have actually been having some of his own. 

_ Are we still on for tomorrow, Mr. Ackerman?  _ He e-mailed Levi at nearly midnight, surprising him because it was so late and so seemingly last minute. 

In fact, the only reason Levi was still up was because he’d been jerking off after his thoughts had wandered to what Erwin was going to look like in the sunlight in front of him the next day, and had just been crawling back into bed when his e-mail notification went off. He’d practically launched himself across the mattress to grab his tablet when he heard it, and even though he knew he probably needed to go to sleep since he was getting up early the next morning, he read his message and, of course, sent him one back. 

_ yeah, i hope so. otherwise i don’t know what i’m going to do with all this shit that’s at my house now.  _ He replied, referencing all the supplies that had gotten delivered and that were now resting underneath the covered portion of his back patio. 

He hadn’t really known what to do with it and had just told the delivery guy to put it there, assuming that they’d be working close by in the backyard anyway. He planned to check on it first thing in the morning to make sure nothing was out of place - not that he expected anything to be, but it was kind of windy out that night, he thought - and to again make sure he had everything, just in case he didn’t and Erwin needed to swing by the nursery to pick something up.

_ Alright. I was just making sure in case you’d decided you didn’t need my help anymore. I’ll see you tomorrow at 10. :-)  _ Was Erwin’s reply, the words of which made Levi nearly scoff out loud.

Like hell he didn’t need his help anymore, he thought, trying not to squirm from the fluttery feeling he got at Erwin’s stupid smiley face again. Even if he didn’t he’d still want Erwin to come over anyway, because it wasn’t like this was about the fucking herbs. Yeah, it would be nice to have them for cooking, but he’d lived without them all this time and could continue doing it if he had to, as the main reason he’d even wanted to do this shit in the first place was because it had come with the offer of Erwin’s help. 

His thoughts on how much he wanted that hadn’t changed, of course, and it was all he could do to respond to Erwin’s message with something quick so that he could get some sleep. He would have gladly stayed up all night e-mailing with him, but he didn’t want to be grumpy in the morning, and thankfully managed to get enough hours of rest in so that it wasn’t too painful for him to wake up early. In fact, he got up without hitting snooze on his alarm even one time - quite a feat for him, if he was being honest - and instead climbed out of bed with plenty of time to eat breakfast, shower, and put his clothes on. 

That took him longer than usual because he wasn’t sure of what he should wear, wanting to look nice but deciding in the end to wear something he didn’t mind working in. That meant a pair of older shorts and a plain white t-shirt, knowing that they were going to be digging around in the dirt and sweating underneath the hot sun. Still, despite that, he combed his hair and shaved carefully anyway, and made sure that his kitchen and the rest of his house was straight before checking on the supplies like he had planned. Thankfully, everything was still right where it had been left, and seeing as how there were still 20 minutes left before Erwin was supposed to arrive, Levi decided that he would use the rest of his time to make them some lemonade to drink. However, before he could reach his kitchen again he heard the sounds of a car door slamming outside his house, causing him to stop in his tracks at almost the exact same time as his doorbell started ringing. 

_ Shit. _ He thought. Was that Erwin? If it was he was early, but did it matter? No, Levi told himself, it didn’t because he was ready, and if they decided that they needed something to drink while working out in the heat they could just take a break and he would make it later. Swallowing down the sudden bout of nerves he felt - it was going to go fine, he told himself, he  _ wouldn’t  _ fuck this up - Levi moved towards the front of his house, unfortunately finding that all of the excitement and expectant happiness he had was dashed in almost an instant, because when he flung open the door it wasn’t Erwin’s smiling face he glimpsed on the other side, but Mikasa’s fucking father.

Behind him were the usual trio of kids Levi usually looked after, plus more - a boy with sandy blonde hair who was standing next to Eren and a little girl, her long hair pulled into a messy ponytail and her hands full with a bag of beef jerky. She was stuffing pieces of it in her mouth, Levi saw, chewing loudly and holding it to her chest like it was a precious item, and from the way that none of the other kids seemed to be reacting to her, Levi could only assume they were used to it and that she and the boy were friends of Mikasa, Eren, and Armin. It was an easy conclusion to make, Levi thought, but what wasn’t was what the fuck they were all doing there on his doorstep in the first place.

“Hey, Levi.” Mr. Ackerman said then, before he could ask. “Can you babysit?”

_ Fucking dammit. _ Levi thought immediately, forcing himself to use all of the strength he had not to grimace. Somehow, he’d known deep down inside that was what the fucker wanted - why else would he drive all the way out there with the kids? - but why did it have to be right then? Why did he have to come when his plans with Erwin were supposed to take place, and why the hell didn’t he call before? If he had then Levi would have told him no, that he was busy and could, in fact,  _ not  _ babysit that day, but he hadn’t. Instead he’d just shown up on his doorstep with the kids like a rude bastard, probably after telling them they were going to get to swim too and getting them all excited about it. Even if he hadn’t, it was obvious that they wanted to from the way they were all looking up at Levi with wide, bright, and expectant eyes, and because of that, it basically ensured that there wasn’t any fucking way he’d be able to say no. 

“Today?” He asked though, because despite the fact that he didn’t want to disappoint or upset the kids - it wasn’t their fault Mikasa’s father was a shithead, after all - he still didn’t want to just roll over and give in immediately.

“Yeah. My wife was supposed to take them to the zoo today with their friends, but she got sick. I have to go to work and she can’t have them all around the house, and since we know you never have anything going on we figured it would be fine to just bring them over.” 

During Mr. Ackerman’s explanation, Levi just stared at him with a steely expression, the irritation in his eyes growing when he implied that all Levi did was stay inside his house. He fucking knew that and didn’t need anyone he didn’t like impolitely reminding him, and contrary to what he’d said anyway, Levi actually  _ did  _ have plans that day - plans that now may have been fucked up because he apparently just couldn’t catch a damn break.

It was frustrating, as gardening with Erwin had been the only thing he’d been looking forward to all week. Not only that, but it had been the only thing he’d had to look forward to in a long, long,  _ long  _ time, and now he wasn’t sure if they were going to still get to do it. How could he learn how to plant herbs from Erwin when he was stuck watching five fucking kids? He couldn’t, he thought, at least not in the manner he wanted - alone and undistracted - because keeping an eye on three was bad enough, but two more than that? No matter how he looked at it Levi was sure he’d have his hands full, and even if by some miracle they all behaved that day and didn’t interrupt them, he still wouldn’t be able to focus his attention fully on Erwin.  

“Actually, I’m supposed to be working out in the yard with my gardener.” Levi said while fighting back the urge to tell Mr. Ackerman to just fuck off, knowing deep down even as he thought about it that he couldn’t. He couldn’t upset the kids and he couldn’t yell at Mikasa’s dad, because if he pissed him off, he thought, then he might not ever get to see them again. That was certainly something that he didn’t want, but it was a real possibility when he knew that Mr. Ackerman already hated him in the first place. Every time they met he always took the opportunity to remind Levi of his mistakes and of what a piece of shit he was, and even if it  _ was _ blowing off an impromptu babysitting job, the last thing he wanted to do was give him more reasons to think he was right by refusing. “But I guess I can manage.”

“Great. You don't work, so I knew you weren't doing anything important. I'll be back to pick them up around the usual time. Be good, kids.” Mr. Ackerman replied, completely brushing aside Levi's hint that this actually was an inconvenience for him. 

Not only did he do that, but he'd actually called Levi's plans unimportant, all while taking another stab at him just because he was fucking bitter about not inheriting any money. Levi knew that was the real reason he continued to despise him so much, but whatever. All he was doing was just further cementing Levi's decision to give it all to Mikasa and Mikasa only, as he knew there were ways to set it up so that she didn't get it until she was 18 or older. 

“Bye, dad.” Mikasa told him while Levi stewed in irritation, waving at her father as he kissed her goodbye and headed back to his car. 

Levi would have loved to send the kids inside and hurl a few insults at him before he climbed inside, but they lingered on his doorstep, staring up at him and waiting expectantly while Mr. Ackerman started his engine and drove away. 

“Alright, brats.” Levi said a moment later, swallowing down a heavy sigh and forcing his attention onto them. He placed one hand on Mikasa's head and the other on Eren’s, and glanced at Armin when he smiled up at him. “Are these your friends?”

He was referring to the two new additions to their group, obviously, the boy with the long face who now wore a shitty expression, and the brown-haired girl who was still devouring beef jerky like she was starving.  

“Yeah.” She answered before anyone else could, mumbling the words around a mouthful of food before swallowing it noisily. “I'm Sasha.”

“I'm Levi. I'm Mikasa’s cousin.” Levi replied, turning to glance at the boy next. 

“I'm Jean.” He said on cue, uttering his name proudly and putting his hands on his hips like he’d just announced some kind of achievement. “I’m 7.”

The same age as Eren too then, Levi thought, resisting the urge to roll his eyes because he hadn’t asked the kid’s age. 

“Alright. Did you bring your swimsuits?”

At that, all of them smiled and nodded eagerly with the exception of Jean, whose face twisted into a grimace as he, for some reason, glared at Eren.

“Jean has to wear Eren’s.” Mikasa said in an apathetic voice, explaining his reaction and causing Jean’s expression to go from annoyance to one of horror, his cheeks turning red as if he was mortified and angry at the thought. 

“I don’t wanna wear that jerk’s swim trunks!” He declared in a loud voice, clenching his fists and stomping his feet in a way that made Levi’s eyes narrow. “He has cooties!”

“What?! I do not!” Eren yelled back angrily, causing Levi to grab the back of his shirt before they started fighting.

He could tell that was where it was going already, and that this Jean kid was also a brat - a  _ real  _ one who Levi knew was going to test his patience. Briefly, he cursed Mr. Ackerman again for this shit and felt a renewed wave of frustration, anger, and disappointment, reminding himself to have patience and that it wasn't their fault before interrupting the glares Eren and Jean were still giving each other with stern words.

“You aren’t swimming in my pool with your ass hanging out, so if you want to get in you have to wear Eren’s swim trunks.” He told Jean, patting Armin on the head when he giggled - almost surely because of his use of the word ‘ass.’ “Now go get changed.”

“Can we have a snack first?” Sasha asked, holding up her now empty bag of beef jerky.

Apparently she’d finished it, and Levi fought back the urge to sigh, because he could tell from just the past five minutes that he'd been right: the addition of these kids was going to make everything about that day a struggle. 

“You aren’t supposed to eat before you get in the pool.” He said, crossing his arms before offering up a compromise that he felt wouldn’t make them sick - or at least, wouldn’t make Sasha anymore sick than she already might be because of all the meat she’d just shoved into her mouth. “You want a popsicle?”

Naturally, they were more than thrilled by the offer of a popsicle, and Levi was surrounded by what basically amounted to a herd of children as he pushed the door back open and prepared to lead them all inside. Before he could, however, he heard another car approaching, pausing just in time to catch Erwin pulling up into the bottom of his driveway. Even though his mood had shifted to something akin to glowering negativity within the past ten minutes, it seemed that nothing could stop the way his heart fluttered when it hit him that Erwin had arrived, his chest filling with renewed excitement and warmth all over again. Unfortunately, though, that was followed by a bit of worry - worry in regards to Erwin's reaction at the unplanned appearance of the kids. 

Would he be irritated that they were there? Would he still want to garden with him? Levi knew he wanted to at least try no matter what, and he hoped that Erwin would too while standing there waiting on him, hesitantly giving him a wave and biting his lip as he parked, climbed out of his car, and started walking toward Levi with a curious look on his face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know a lot of us are upset with the kids now so i hope their presence doesn't ruin this ;___; i'll probably leave them out more than i would have before after this scene but i'd already written them in before they acted like shits in the manga. RIP erwin.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You'll be fine.” Erwin said, his voice warm. He watched as Levi used the spade to fill his new pot with just enough dirt, waiting for his turn to use it because they only had one. Levi had taken the cilantro while he'd grabbed the parsley, and when he was done with that step he passed the tool amicably over to Erwin, biting his lip and feeling his eyes widen when their fingers brushed lightly. “They won't die. I'll be around to help if you have questions, remember?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer i've been meaning to make for like 5 chapters: i don't know shit about gardening.

“Hello.” Erwin said when he got closer, his mouth curving up into a smile as he looked from Levi to his guests and back again. “You have some company, I see. I didn’t know you were babysitting today.” 

“Yeah, I didn’t either.” Levi mumbled in response, not bothering to keep the irritated scowl off of his face because the kids had all moved behind him.

They couldn’t see it, and he hoped what he’d said and the look he gave Erwin made it clear enough that he hadn’t arranged on having them there when he was supposed to be spending time with him, as the last thing Levi wanted him to think was that he’d placed anything other than the utmost importance on their plans. It wasn’t his fault that Mikasa’s dad had just dumped them on him like this, but he was going to feel bad if it put Erwin out in any way or disappointed him, or made him think that Levi wasn’t that interested in what they were supposed to be doing. 

“Ah.” Erwin said though, his smile remaining and his expression growing sympathetic. “I understand. Do you still want to plant the herbs?”

“ _ Yeah _ , fu — I mean, yeah.” Levi replied, practically blurting out his response so fast that he almost interrupted Erwin before he’d even finished asking the question. 

He stopped himself before he did, though, and watched Erwin’s smile grow bigger, the dimples in his cheeks standing out while his eyes brightened too. 

“Alright, good.” He said, his reaction causing most of the tension in Levi’s shoulders to evaporate in relief. 

Clearly, Erwin wasn’t bothered by the kid’s presence as long as Levi still wanted to garden with him, and that fact was enough to cheer him up almost all the way, as even if it  _ was  _ a pain in the ass, he could deal with having the extra company in the end if it meant that his plans with Erwin weren’t going to be ruined. Having him turn around and leave or ask to reschedule had been what he was worried about the most, because he didn’t want to be disappointed and he didn’t want to have to wait until another day to do this — not when he’d already  _ been  _ waiting for what felt like an entire fucking week. Luckily, Erwin wasn’t dismayed in the least by the wrench that had been thrown into things, and the thought that he apparently wanted to help Levi with it enough to work through the minor roadblock and not want to put it off made him feel happy. 

Although, he thought, as he stopped worrying at his lip and finally allowed himself to look Erwin over, why hadn’t he worn his gardening clothes? Rather than coming over dressed in his usual attire - well-used pants with holes and grass stains on them, and faded t-shirts — Erwin had put on what looked like a nice, dark wash pair of jeans. They weren’t stained and appeared stiff like he hadn’t worn them very many times, and the shirt he had on was, while still casual, a light blue colored v-neck that one might wear on outings. It certainly wasn’t something that Levi would want to get dirt and sweat marks all over, but it also matched Erwin’s eyes and complimented his hair, and it was all he could do to keep from staring because of how good Erwin looked. 

The clothing fit him perfectly and looked nice, but it also made Levi feel a bit underdressed. He’d worn what he’d thought would be best for working out in the fucking yard, and he wondered why Erwin had not done the same when what they’d be doing was basically the same kind of shit he did at his job. Was this going to be different than he’d expected, or something? Did he need to go change? He didn’t like dressing like shit unless he had to — and he  _ especially  _ hadn’t wanted to look shabby in front of Erwin — but before he could start to worry about it too much he was distracted by the kids behind him. 

While he’d been talking, Jean and Eren had started arguing about who was going to make a bigger splash in the pool when they jumped in, and Sasha was bombarding Mikasa with questions about what kind of popsicles Levi had. Armin had latched onto his leg and suddenly grabbed at his hand when Eren raised his voice to call Jean stupid, and although Levi had realized they were acting up in the back of his mind, that was when he’d been forced to turn his full attention on them, stopping his probably pointless thoughts about what kind of clothing he was wearing and twisting around. 

“Hey.” He blurted, fixing his face into a stern expression and wondering how the hell Eren and Jean were even friends. So far all Levi had seen them do was argue, and it made him bristle. If they were going to be doing shit like that all day then he wouldn't even be able to take his eye off them for a minute, because had he not stopped them he was quite sure the squabbling would have turned into yelling. He knew as well as anyone that boys could get rowdy and push each other around too, especially when they were that age, and who knew how far they would go if they were left alone and Levi didn’t intervene in time. Just the possibility of that happening made him nearly groan out loud, and he found himself questioning how long he was going to be able to put up with any of their childish bickering at all when he was already irritated at his circumstances. “Quit fighting.”

“When are we gonna  _ swim _ ?” Eren whined, ignoring Levi's chastising and making  _ his _ level of patience seem like that of a saint. 

_ Brats.  _ He thought for what was probably the hundredth time that morning already, reminding himself yet again that they were just kids being kids and it probably  _ was _ best to hurry up and get them into the pool anyway. That way he and Erwin could get started, and although Levi would still have to keep one eye on them while they were swimming, of course, they'd at least be distracted and occupied with playing in the water. 

“After you start behaving.” Levi told him though, clicking his tongue even as he moved to herd them all inside — for real this time. “And after you eat your popsicles and get changed.”

“Is Mr. Gardener going to swim with us?” Armin asked while they headed into Levi's foyer, grabbing at his hand again and hesitantly throwing a look at Erwin over his shoulder. 

Chuckling at ‘Mr. Gardener,’ no doubt, he followed them in and fell into step beside Levi, shooting an amused look at him and the group of kids and shaking his head when Levi turned to glance at him with a raised eyebrow. 

“No.” He answered Armin, while still looking at Erwin and focusing on his smile. “Mr. Gardener is going to be gardening. And so am I, so that's why you all have to be good today.”

“Can he have a popsicle too?” Armin asked, now looking around Levi's legs at Erwin curiously, but speaking in a quiet voice as if he didn't want to be overheard. 

It was amusing because there wasn't any way that Erwin couldn't hear him, Levi thought, especially because all of the other kids had rushed ahead into the kitchen out of excitement. Their chattering was too far out of earshot to drown out Armin’s whispering, but Erwin kept his eyes ahead as if he hadn't heard him. The look on his face told Levi otherwise, though, and he couldn't help but have to swallow the sudden fluttering in his chest at how...well, how fucking  _ adorably _ Erwin was reacting to the kids so far. 

“If he wants one.” Levi replied then, as they reached the kitchen to find Mikasa and the others already crowded around the freezer. He'd been planning to offer Erwin a popsicle, of course, and sincerely doubted that he was going to refuse the offer of one. Because of that, he squeezed Armin’s hand before letting go of it, moving to step through the veritable sea of children to get the box of them. “Why don't you ask him?”

At that, Armin made a fretful face and hurried to stay at Levi's side, all but hiding behind his leg while he looked around it at Erwin with wide eyes. He was acting shy for some reason, Levi thought, or at least more shy than he normally did, and he wondered why. If he had to guess, he would say that it probably had something to do with the differing dynamic of their friend group with the addition of Jean and Sasha — more specifically due to that of Jean, whose loud, rowdy personality seemed to bring those qualities out of Eren as well. He already had them normally as it was, and it was clear that after spending just twenty minutes with them he was going to be a lot worse. It wasn't hard to see why Armin was behaving even quieter and more reserved than he normally did because of that, especially when he already sometimes responded like that to just Eren when he acted out on his own. 

It made Levi feel a bit bad for him, as he was a sensitive kid and seemed to often catch the brunt of his friends’ bad sides. He knew it wasn't always intended, but it still happened, and although Levi hadn’t necessarily been like Armin as a child, he’d been awkward and quiet in different ways and certainly knew how it felt to not fit in. In a way, he had a different kind of soft spot for each of the three kids that were normally there, but while Mikasa’s was because she was family and Eren’s was because he was just endearingly stupid sometimes, Armin’s was because of that reason, and Levi would be damned if he let him get overlooked or left out of anything during the day for any reason whatsoever. 

Thankfully, Erwin seemed to pick up on that too, and smiled softly in Armin’s direction as he leaned over the backside of the kitchen island. 

“Yes, I'd like a popsicle.” He said, his tone soft and gentle and non-threatening. “The last one you gave me was good. Can I have another one, please?”

Biting back a smile of his own, Levi realized Erwin was referring to the time when Armin and the kids had delivered his popsicle apology to him, perhaps in an effort to remind Armin that although Eren had been the one to hand it to him, Armin had been nearby and it had gone fine. It seemed to work well enough to convince him that Erwin wasn't scary or whatever it was that he thought, as although Jean and Eren had started shoving to try and get their own treat first, Armin wasn't bothered by it, and reached into the box confidently before them when Levi held it out to grab two popsicles. 

He padded over to Erwin with them and held one out, his expression growing more and more stricken with worry the closer he got. As soon as Erwin took it and thanked him he immediately scampered away back to the other side of the kitchen and to the safety of Levi's legs, but before Levi could think that he'd lost his nerve completely he saw Armin give Erwin a small, hesitant smile from behind his leg. 

“Is this meant to be another apology?” Erwin teased while Levi patted Armin on the head, opening the wrapper and smiling at him when he came around to grab it for the trash. 

He'd collected all of the kids’ too and snorted at Erwin's joke, feeling his ears warm a bit at the memory of what he'd done that day. It seemed ridiculous every time he thought about it — Why couldn't he have just sucked it up and apologized to his face like a normal person? Had he really been  _ that _ nervous? — but before he could get too embarrassed about it he remembered how Erwin had called the action  _ charming _ before. That made him bite his lip and attempt to look away as the flush spread down to his cheeks, failing miserably to act nonchalant when he could see Erwin smiling widely at him from the corner of his eye. 

“Yeah.” He mumbled then, meeting Erwin's gaze and finding that he was unable to say no — not when it had gotten the reaction it had from Erwin the other day, anyway. “Sure.”

“For what?” Erwin asked immediately, his eyebrow raising playfully while he took a bite of his popsicle. 

The sight of it made Levi thank whatever gods were out there that the treats were square instead of round, because if he had to watch Erwin suck on a phallic shaped popsicle he wasn't sure that he'd be able to answer, much less think at all. As it was, he hadn't even made the comment with any actual apology in mind — for once, he thought, he actually hadn't done anything he needed to say sorry for yet — and almost wasn't sure of what to say until Sasha started wailing about brain freeze behind him and Eren and Jean rowdily ran across the kitchen to throw their sticks away. It made Levi sigh and gesture towards them with his head in response, hoping that Erwin would again get the point that he hadn't planned on having them there to disrupt things. 

“It's alright.” Erwin told him just like he had before, though, smiling more fondly at the kids than Levi was certainly able to at that moment. “I don't mind.”

Feeling his heart swell again at Erwin's patience and how kind he was being, Levi swallowed and then nodded, moving to wet a paper towel so he could get to work cleaning off any sticky faces or fingers. After he was satisfied all of the kids were popsicle-juice free and they'd all thrown away their sticks, he sent them off to change into their swimsuits, trusting that with Mikasa’s supervision they could handle that on their own. 

“What happened?” Erwin asked while they were gone, finishing up his own treat and using the sink to wash his hands. 

He was referring to the presence of the kids, surely, and using their absence to ask Levi what he'd probably been wondering about since he'd gotten there. 

“Mikasa’s dad just showed up with them on my fucking porch.” Levi told him with a scowl, feeling aggravation bubble up inside him at the memory all over again. “He said they were supposed to go to the zoo, but his wife got sick and couldn’t watch them, and he had to work.”

Erwin frowned sympathetically at his explanation, raising one of his eyebrows as he again leaned over the island counter. “He didn't call first?”

“No. He said I never have anything going on and I don't have a job, so he didn't think it mattered.”

“Ah. That's rude. Is he always like that?”

“Yeah, pretty much. He's a bastard.”

“I'm sorry.” Erwin said at that, his eyes sweeping over Levi closely, clearly picking up on the troubled frown he now wore and the dark tone he'd spoken in. He hadn't meant to, but he couldn’t stop the indignation from coming through when he thought about what Mr. Ackerman had said to him. It was because he was self-conscious about his problems, but also because it wasn’t any of his relatives’ fucking business. Either way, though, he didn’t want to get into any of that or ruin Erwin’s visit by complaining, so he steeled his expression again immediately, shaking his head as if to indicate that it didn’t matter before Erwin spoke again in response. “It'll be fine. We’ll still get it done.”

“Yeah.” Levi agreed, biting back a sigh, nodding at him despite the fact that ‘getting it done’ wasn't even what he cared about, not really. 

What he  _ was _ concerned with was spending time with Erwin, and the fact that he now wasn't going to be able to without certain interruption and distraction. It was frustrating, but he supposed he should just be glad that they hadn't had to cancel, and that Erwin was willing to work like this and seemed like he'd do well with the kids. It was actually pretty cute seeing him with them, Levi mused, but no matter what, he still hoped once they'd all made it into the pool they'd get out of their hair and leave them alone. 

The thought was what got Levi through the next few minutes, helping him to remain patient and calm when the kids came back out with a surly and red-faced Jean and a smug looking Eren. Levi assumed it was because Jean was wearing Eren's swimsuit, but then found out it had apparently been discovered that he didn't know how to do a flip into the pool. According to Eren that meant he could  _ definitely _ make a bigger splash than Jean when jumping into the water, and they bickered about it all the way out the door as they moved on to sunscreen application. 

“Hey.” He said as he guided the kids onto the patio, his voice growing stern enough for them to all stop and look up at him. “No fighting while you’re in the pool. If you do you’re gonna get put in time out, and you won’t get any ice cream after lunch. Got it?”

“Okay.” Eren replied sheepishly while Mikasa, Armin, and Sasha nodded, as if he could tell that Levi was mainly talking to him rather than the others.

He was, but he was also talking to Jean, who had only frowned and glared at the ground in front of him in response to Levi’s chiding.

_ Shithead. _ Levi thought to himself, resisting the urge to make him say that he understood. He had only known Jean for around thirty minutes, but he could tell that he wasn’t a stupid kid by any means. He was smart enough to know that he was giving Levi attitude, and, well, he may have thought that was fine now, but if he kept it up he would learn well enough that on that day, when Levi said he would put them in time out, he fucking meant it.

Eren seemed to sense it somehow — he'd ended up there on other occasions himself, after dutifully testing Levi's patience — and that was why he obeyed when Levi told him to start putting on sunscreen, and why he kept his mouth closed when Jean snickered because Levi had to help him with it. He at least had the coherency to stop when Levi shot him a withering look though, but that could have also been because Armin had elbowed him and shook his head a bit frantically. He was starting to look a little distressed by all of the tension again, Levi realized, which just served to make him more irritated, full of frustration, and unsurprised when the kids finished and scampered off toward the pool, and Armin held back. 

“Armin.” Levi said, watching him give a troubled frown in the direction of the water when Jean and Eren both cannonballed into it simultaneously. “Do you not want to swim?”

“Yes.” Armin responded in a quiet, calm tone, although Levi thought he could detect a hint of a quiver in his small voice too. “But Jean and Eren won’t stop fighting.”

“I know. They’re being brats, aren’t they? Why don’t you go sit on the edge and watch them, and if you feel like getting in you can.” Levi told him, pressing his hand against the back of Armin’s shoulder lightly as if to urge him forward.

For half a moment he thought Armin was going decide he didn't want to — the fear of it causing Levi to stiffen, because if he had to keep Armin by their sides he'd never get a chance to relax with just Erwin — but thankfully, after another few seconds he nodded, pulling on his floaties with Levi's help before he trudged off toward the pool. 

“Fucking shit.” Levi swore when he was out of earshot, practically slumping down in sudden exhaustion into a nearby chair after he'd turned to face Erwin. 

He’d followed Levi out and patiently waited while he helped the kids, watching, Levi noticed, his every move with them, and then gave him another small smile when he was finally finished. “You’re good at that.”

“At what?” Levi mumbled, making a face and thinking that surely Erwin couldn’t be referring to how he handled the kids — not when they would barely listen to him or behave in the first place.

“At talking to them, and watching them.”

“They don’t listen to me worth shit, though.”

“The three you usually have do. And either way, I’m not sure I could handle keeping three kids, much less five. You make it look natural, especially when you're talking to Armin.”

“Oh.” Levi replied, feeling his cheeks color while he bit his lip and averted his eyes.

Again, he felt warm at the compliment, just like he had when Erwin had called him charming a few nights ago. The praise meant a lot because he cared about the kids and certainly did his best to make them feel at home there, but coming from Erwin it was especially gratifying. However, it also awed him a bit too, catching him off guard because he wasn't used to hearing things like that. He didn't know how to react and felt flustered, and he wondered why the hell Erwin was saying all of that shit anyway. 

“So do you want to get started, or do you need a break first?” Erwin asked then, before Levi could figure out how to respond. 

He blinked and looked back up to meet Erwin's bright blue eyes, shaking his head almost immediately as he stood from the table. 

“No.” He said, eagerness suddenly swelling in his belly, his heart skipping a beat when he realized that finally, after all the waiting he'd done and the bullshit that morning, it was time for him and Erwin to start gardening. “I don't need a break. We need to start before those brats get bored with the pool.”

“Alright.” Erwin smiled, standing up too and making a beeline for the covered part of Levi's patio. 

He'd glimpsed all of the supplies in there, apparently, and Levi followed him, watching him appraise everything and waiting for his instruction. Erwin was the expert with shit like this, of course, and Levi had fully expected him to take the lead. Naturally, he did a moment later, suggesting that they move everything out into the grass so they could work there without having to worry about making a mess. Levi was grateful for that because it meant he wouldn't have to scrub dirt off the patio floor later, and helped Erwin carry everything they needed out into a clear spot in his yard that was across from the pool. It sat under a small tree and beside a flower bed, and once they'd made several trips back and forth to gather everything and gotten settled, Levi almost felt like they were having a fucking outdoor picnic or something. 

Obviously, they were missing food and drink so it wasn't  _ exactly _ like that, but all in all, with the smell from the flowers and the nice view of his yard in the daylight, and, he had to admit, the happy shouting from the kids in the pool, Levi couldn't help but appreciate how nice the atmosphere was. It wasn't even terribly hot, he thought, because the tree provided them a decent bit of shade and it was before lunch, but regardless of any of that, more than anything, it was the company that Levi found himself enjoying the most. 

Erwin was gorgeous in the sun, he thought, watching as subtly as he could while he sat down next to him and checked the tags on the herbs. He'd certainly known that before, of course, but this was the first time he'd been this close to him outside, the first time that he'd been less than two fucking feet away and could truly appreciate how shiny and golden his hair was, and how beautiful and clear his blue eyes were. They practically sparkled when he moved out of the shade and into the light just right, Levi noticed with a swallow, and he just didn’t understand how someone could be so  _ good looking. _

It was like he’d stepped straight out of a painting or a sculpture or something, what with his near perfect cheekbones and attractive features — features which, although still a bit soft around the edges from youth, were clearly already on their way to coming out strong and angular. He was going to be incredibly handsome, Levi thought, but no matter how sharp he already looked, it didn’t affect the warm, gentle way in which his face softened when he turned to smile at him. The sight of it made Levi’s heart flutter like it always did, but thankfully, he’d had enough sense to look away before Erwin had turned to glance at him so he wouldn’t get caught staring and have to feel embarrassed. 

“Which one do you want to plant first?” Erwin was asking him, interrupting his reverie and causing him to glance at the assortment of shit in front of them. 

There were the herbs, of course, still sitting in the small, plastic containers they’d come in. There was also a bag of dirt and the larger pots they were going to relocate them in, and a small, handheld spade. Erwin had also told him to get fertilizer, a pair of shears, and some kind of specialized spray bottle for watering them, and although he had certainly memorized the types of plants he’d bought — basil, cilantro, chives, parsley, oregano, thyme, and rosemary — he had absolutely no idea of where they should start.

“Does it matter?” He said, biting his lip and looking each one over. 

“Not really.” Erwin told him, watching as Levi reached out to gently brush his fingers across a rosemary branch. “Maybe that one, because it’s the largest? I’ll show you how, and you can watch.”

“Yeah.” Levi agreed, shrugging because that sounded fine to him.

He removed his hand and watched Erwin reach for one of the larger containers, handing him the spade and the bag of dirt when he requested that politely too. After opening it, he scooped out enough to fill the pot about three quarters of the way full, leaving an indentation in the middle that Levi assumed was for the rosemary bush. His guess was right, of course, as Erwin reached for that next, carefully using the tip of the spade to loosen it from the plastic it came in. He did so by running it around the edges and slowly sinking it into the dirt, and then once he could ease it out without pulling hard on the plant, he scooped it up, holding the entire thing — bush, roots, dirt and all — in the palms of his hands. 

“See how hard this is?” He said, clearly teasing if the small chuckle he let out said anything. “You just have to be gentle.”

Levi watched him set the plant down in the middle of it’s new pot carefully, but said nothing, agreeing that it looked easy but still not entirely convinced he could do it as seamlessly as Erwin had. Sure, it wasn't fucking rocket science, but he worried he'd be too rough or go too fast, as he knew he wasn't always the best at being patient or gentle in delicate situations. Still, though, he somehow managed to do so while cooking, didn't he? He did, and either way, they were just herbs. He wasn't going to ruin them with Erwin right there helping him, and anyway, in the end, he knew that keeping them from dying after this was going to be the real fucking problem. 

With that in mind, he went for the basil plant once it was his turn, after he'd paid attention to Erwin carefully placing the rosemary bush in it’s new home, filling the pot the rest of the way with soil, and sprinkling a bit of fertilizer on top of it before patting it all down. He repeated everything Erwin had done step by step, focusing as hard as he could on being careful and going slow while still keeping an eye and an ear open for the kids. By the time he was finished it had taken him about twice as long as it had Erwin, but eventually, after a few minutes where Erwin only had to correct him on one or two things, he had successfully managed to re-pot his first plant. 

“It looks good.” Erwin told him when he was done, smiling as he placed the newly transferred basil next to the rosemary, only reaching out with his thumb to wipe a bit of stray dirt from the edge of the pot. “You can't even tell who did which one. You're a natural at this too, I'm impressed.”

Rolling his eyes at the compliment — as much as Erwin’s kind words made him feel warm again, he was pretty sure he was exaggerating this time — Levi went ahead and reached for another plant while Erwin did the same. 

“Yeah, well, we’ll see how long they live after this once you're gone.” He muttered, reiterating out loud what he'd been thinking before: taking care of them in the long run was what he would struggle with.

“You'll be fine.” Erwin said though, his voice warm. He watched as Levi used the spade to fill his new pot with just enough dirt, waiting for his turn to use it because they only had one. Levi had taken the cilantro while he'd grabbed the parsley, and when he was done with that step he passed the tool amicably over to Erwin, biting his lip and feeling his eyes widen when their fingers brushed lightly. “They won't die. I'll be around to help if you have questions, remember?”

Unsurprisingly, Levi barely heard the last thing that Erwin said once he’d felt the touch, finding himself pulling his hand back quickly but otherwise going stock still. It was because he almost immediately expected Erwin to react like he had in the kitchen the last time they’d accidentally brushed hands, he realized, apologizing profusely and telling Levi he hadn’t meant to with a bit of embarrassment. However, this day, after Levi’s gaze had flicked to his face as subtly as he could manage it to check his expression, it became apparent that Erwin either hadn’t noticed, or was going to continue like it hadn’t happened to avoid awkwardness. He just kept talking — albeit while wearing a small smile — as Levi sat there with steadily reddening ears, telling him that he could e-mail him or even text him any time he wanted if something seemed wrong with the plants. It was all Levi could do to respond when he was finished speaking after that, only managing a short nod and to lift his hand again when Erwin moved to pass him back the spade.

Again, they touched when he took it, although this time it wasn't an accident — at least on Levi's part. As he'd reached out to grab it, he'd purposefully brushed the tips of his fingers against Erwin’s palm at the last second, feeling the urge to do it so suddenly that he couldn't even help himself. It was because he'd liked the way it had felt before and because he was curious about Erwin's reaction, wondering what he might do if the touch was obvious enough for him to not be able to ignore it. If he responded badly, Levi knew that he could just pass it off as something he hadn’t meant to do, and it was probably that which gave him the nerve to glance his fingers off of Erwin’s skin in the end. 

“Yeah.” Levi found himself mumbling before he could though, now speaking and acting less because of some sudden bout of courage, but from the thrilling, fluttery and excited sensation that feeling Erwin’s hand had given him. “And you'll hold my hand or whatever, right?” 

It was a reference to the teasing — or the flirting, if that's what it had been — that had passed between them the time before in Levi's kitchen, and although he'd been bold enough to say it, after he repeated it back to himself it was all he could do to not become flustered. He stared down at the plastic container he was now trying to work his cilantro plant out of, his eyes wide and his cheeks burning red hot from what he'd just done and said, and jerkily shifted the spade in the dirt, hardly paying attention to what he was doing because a second or two had passed and Erwin hasn't answered. He hadn't reacted at all, in fact, and Levi was afraid to look at him, feeling a sudden surge of panic that he'd just done something wrong and Erwin was going to get offended or that things would become awkward, and— 

“Yes.” Erwin said though, abruptly reaching across the grass between them to wrap a hand around the container Levi was working with. He was holding it too and Erwin's fingers were so long they immediately pressed over the tops of his, and as he stilled — partly out of surprise, and partly because he'd suddenly forgotten how to breathe — Erwin leaned over to assist him in using the spade. He held his wrist gently and pressed his thumb down against his knuckles, and helped him loosen the dirt, shifting it much more calmly and carefully than Levi had been doing moments before. Like that it came loose easily a second later, and Erwin lifted it out of the container himself, pulling Levi's hand up himself and depositing it into his palm that way. “Only if you need it though, of course.”

The voice Erwin spoke in was soft and quiet, barely audible over the splashing and shouting of the kids in the water and the birds in the trees behind them. In fact, Levi was pretty sure that he'd only heard him clearly because Erwin had moved so close to him, leaning far enough forward to give Levi a nice view down the front of his v-neck t-shirt. He could see it out of the corner of his eye if he concentrated hard enough, but for once he couldn't, not when he was completely frozen in place with his heart about to hammer all of the way out of his chest. 

At first it had started from surprise, at the awe and near astonishment he felt at how Erwin had responded to his words. The last thing Levi had ever expected him to do was purposefully,  _ knowingly _ , place his fingers over his own to help him keep the container he was working with still, much less to then grab his wrist and gently help him ease the plant out of the dirt. He’d then guided him so that he was holding it and played along with the way he’d been teasing him, and in fact, was still lingering with his palms over the backs of Levi’s hands, cupping them in the same way that Levi was still holding onto the cilantro. His skin was warm and his hands large enough to cover Levi’s smaller ones completely, he noticed, and suddenly, while staring at them, he was filled with a mesmerizing warmth, with affection too, and with a buoyant, uplifting feeling of happiness from the fact that he’d managed to find himself as the subject of this type of attention from Erwin. 

He never would have dreamed of it — even in a friendly way — and it was probably for that reason that he was able to look at him after a few seconds, to glance away from where they were holding the plant and up into Erwin’s face, despite the fact that his mouth was hanging open in surprise and his cheeks were so red and flushed by then that he probably looked like a fucking tomato. Somehow he didn’t think that Erwin would buy the potential excuse that it was because of the sun, but for once he didn’t care, and the way Erwin was smiling at him told Levi that it didn’t even matter anyway. His lips were curved up, he saw, just barely as if he was also a bit unsure, but the softness in his expression and the way he was watching him warmly was, in that moment, unmistakeable. 

It was almost like...well, it was like he was  _ enjoying  _ holding onto Levi’s hands, like doing so had the same effect on Erwin as it did Levi while they stayed there touching. He thought he could almost sense it through Erwin’s eyes while he stared into them, that the expression he was looking as was a direct reflection of the fondness and the lighthearted fluttering that he felt inside of his own chest and stomach. Could that really be the case, though? Could Erwin actually like Levi in the same way that Levi did him? If he was right about what he thought — and he was almost certain that he was, as he himself had often gazed at Erwin in the same way when he knew he wasn’t looking — then that meant he did, that he  _ had  _ been flirting with him this entire time because friendship wasn’t all he felt after all. 

It couldn’t just be that, Levi thought, right? Why else would he have grabbed his hands, and why else had he not yet let go?

Levi didn’t know of any other reason right then, but before he could get his rushing thoughts in order to figure out what to do next, their silent, shared reverie was suddenly interrupted by the sound of crying, and of a pair of small feet traipsing through the grass in their direction. 

“Mr. Levi!” Armin said then, causing Erwin to jerk away and Levi to twist his head to catch sight of his tearstained face. “Jean and Eren won’t stop splashing me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all the kudos, and to everyone leaving comments <3333


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Nothing, I suppose.” Erwin said eventually, swallowing before he continued. “But while we’re on this subject, I...ah, I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable earlier. Outside, I mean, when I—
> 
> “You didn’t.” Levi blurted, his eyes widening from surprise that Erwin had brought that up, and interrupting him before he could even finish his sentence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, a huge thank you to everyone who has commented/left kudos/read this fic, and an extra thank you to tamaliaa and kay for drawing some amazing fanart which you can see [here](http://tamaliaa.tumblr.com/post/150247097423/so-ive-been-drawing-these-3-sketches-of) and [here](https://kayr801.tumblr.com/post/150500685135/based-on-this-fic-by-goddamnchou-its-a-fun-read) <3 :)

When Levi glimpsed Armin, his first sensation at being interrupted during his moment with Erwin was not annoyance or exasperation, but near-panic. It was because in the past few minutes that they'd been touching hands and talking to each other, Levi had unintentionally let his attention drift away from the kids in the pool. He had lost his focus on them and accidentally tuned them out, and now Armin was upset and crying. Before he told Levi what was wrong he feared something truly bad had happened — like one of them getting hurt, or worse — but was able to breathe a small sigh of relief a second later when Armin just wailed about getting splashed. 

His minute of solace was short-lived, however, when he then felt a stab of anger. It wasn't at Armin but at Eren and Jean for fucking splashing him, for roughhousing to the point that it had upset him. It was exactly what he'd feared would happen with Armin that day, and not only had they done something to make him cry, they seemed to be completely oblivious that it was happening in the first place. They hadn't even noticed Armin going over to tattle on them, Levi saw, and we're still messing around in the pool, practically wrestling in the shallow end and apparently trying to dunk each other. They were shouting loudly and it was all getting a great deal of water everywhere in the process, and while Mikasa and Sasha hadn't run away from it, they too seemed exasperated at the boys’ behavior. 

After figuring out what was going on, Levi set the cilantro he was still holding down into the new pot he’d been going to plant it in, brushing the dirt off of his hands and holding them out for Armin. He was still reeling from what had just happened with Erwin and could feel his eyes on him, but he swallowed down his racing thoughts so that he could focus on the crying child in front of him, taking him by the arms to hold him still when he reached where Levi was sitting. 

“Are you okay?” He asked first, looking Armin over just to make sure. 

It was for his own peace of mind if anything, and he felt even more reassured than he had before when he saw that physically, Armin seemed fine. Emotionally was another story, but Levi was pleased to see that when he heard the sound of his voice he wiped his eyes, most of his tears ceasing as he found comfort in the presence of an adult. In response to Levi’s question he just nodded and then sniffled wetly, watching in a mournful way while Levi sat up onto his knees so that he could wipe the tears and snot from Armin’s face with the hem of his t-shirt. He did it gently and without a second thought — the disgusting fluids didn’t bother him, not when he had a child to take care of — and he soothed Armin as best he could by rubbing at his hair, shushing him quietly when he sniffled again before asking him another question.

“Did you ask them to stop?” He said, mainly so that he could gauge just how severe the scolding he was about to give the other boys needed to be.

“Yes.” Armin replied, a fretful look on his face while he blinked away fresh tears. “They wouldn't listen to me.”

“Were you in the pool?”

“Yes, by Mikasa. Eren wouldn't listen to her either.”

“He never does, does he?”

“No...”

“Okay, come on. They're gonna go into time out, and you can get back in the water then. You're alright.”

“I don't want to swim anymore.” Armin whined at that, remaining still after Levi stood up in preparation to walk him back over to the pool. 

He'd held his hand out but Armin hadn't taken it, and when he spoke Levi frowned, cursing to himself because if he wouldn’t get back in the pool, then that meant he would have to hang around him and Erwin so Levi could make sure he stayed occupied.

“Are you sure?” He asked though, hoping that he could convince Armin to change his mind. “You won't get splashed if they aren't in the pool.”

“I don't want to.” Armin said again, pouting and staring at the ground as Levi sighed. 

“Okay. Just stay here with Erwin then.” Levi told him, giving Erwin a questioning look after he spoke to make sure that was alright. 

He wanted to check even though he had no reason to believe it wouldn't be, and of course, Erwin nodded, giving Levi a sympathetic smile that seemed a bit shaky. He was pretty sure that part of it had to do with the fact that they'd just been fucking holding hands and basically staring into each other’s eyes, and that Erwin might have been concerned he'd done something wrong. Hell, those worries were at the back of Levi's mind too, and he wished they hadn't been interrupted so that whatever would have happened next had….well, had actually happened next. He longed to have answers to the handful of questions that were still swirling around inside him because of what Erwin had done, but unfortunately, it would all have to wait until the shit with the kids had been straightened out and he and Erwin were alone again. 

“Eren!” Levi shouted, irritated all over again when he thought about how Armin had barely even wanted to get into the pool in the first place because of the other boys’ behavior. He’d already been strained because of their fighting, and although he’d apparently managed to work up to getting in the water, whatever fun he’d been having had immediately been dashed by Eren and Jean. “Jean! What did I tell you about fighting?”

At the sound of his voice, Eren stopped what he was doing and managed to look sheepish and even a bit fearful, immediately realizing that he'd disobeyed and was about to get into trouble. Predictably, though, Jean didn’t, and boldly took Eren’s distraction as an opportunity to shove his head down and underneath the water. Immediately Eren yelled and came up dripping and sputtering, and Levi ground his teeth, feeling another sharp surge of anger and barely restraining himself from walking over and physically dragging Jean out of the damn pool himself.

“Jean!” He snapped this time, letting the anger he felt seep into his words as he finally reached the shallow end of the pool and knelt at the edge. “Eren. Both of you come here.”

Scowling, Eren couldn’t resist giving Jean one more shove away from him before wading over to where Levi was now perched, followed by Jean who didn’t even seem to care that he was in trouble. His expression was indignant and he was stubbornly refusing to meet Levi’s eyes, moving towards him as slowly as he possibly fucking could behind Eren. He was doing that shit on purpose, Levi knew, and all it did was just piss him off more and reinforce his decision to put them both into time out. 

“Didn’t I tell you not to fight in the pool? You splashed Armin, and upset him. Now he doesn’t want to swim anymore because you two can’t get along, and he barely wanted to get into the water in the first place.”

“Jean started it!” Eren said immediately, prompting Jean to wheel around and face him with a heated look.

“I did not!”

“You did too, you—

“I don’t care who started it, you’re both getting a timeout. Armin says he and Mikasa both asked you to stop, and you didn’t. Get out of the water and go sit on the patio. I don’t want to hear another word out of the both of you while you’re up there, either. If I do, neither one of you are gonna get back into the pool. Got it?” 

From Jean’s immediate reaction, it was clear that he did get it, something that surprised Levi a bit because he’d expected backtalk from him. Fortunately, he seemed to pick up on how mad Levi was, though, and even if he was hanging his head and glaring at the surface of the water in frustration, it was apparent that he at least understood that saying anything would only serve to make their situation worse. Eren, on the other hand, had decided that he was going to let his quick temper get the best of him, and was staring up at Levi incredulously, his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open as if he couldn’t  _ believe  _ that he was being sent to timeout for splashing Armin.

“That’s not fair!” He proclaimed after a few seconds once everything had apparently sunk in all the way, fixing his small features into a determined, frustrated scowl and clenching his fists under the water. “We were just messing around!”

“I don’t care. You didn’t stop, even when Armin and Mikasa asked you too and Armin started crying. I told you before that you needed to play nice today, but you didn’t listen.”

“But—

“Eren, the more you keep talking back, the longer you’re going to be in timeout with Jean. Get out of the pool and go sit down.  _ Now. _ ”

At that, Eren looked away, pausing as if he was weighing the risk of continuing to attempt to get out of his punishment. After a few seconds he seemed to either realize that it wasn’t worth it, or that Levi wasn’t going to back down — something which was certainly the case, as he wasn’t going to be lenient on him, not that day. He’d warned him before like he’d said, and not only that, but he’d had to tell him and Jean to stop too many times since they’d gotten there for him to feel like he was being too harsh. Unfortunately for Eren, even if he understood that Levi wasn’t going to change his mind, he just couldn’t seem to grasp the fact that continuing to act out in any way would only end up making his punishment worse. 

After pausing for a few moments, he suddenly lashed out, punching the water with one of his fists out of anger. It didn't do much except to make a loud, wet noise, splash Jean, and cause Levi to click his tongue and step forward. He had no intention of doing anything, but getting closer was threatening enough for Eren and Jean to start wading towards the pool’s stairs, passing Mikasa and Sasha who just looked at the boys with disapproving looks. 

“I told you, Eren.” Mikasa said dispassionately, causing his sulking to just get that much worse. 

He didn't snap anything back to her, surprisingly, and so Levi let it slide, walking behind Eren and Jean while they made their way onto the patio and sat down at the table. 

“You're in timeout for 15 minutes. Remember what I said about staying quiet?” Levi asked them, watching as Jean nodded with a scowl on his face, and while Eren just ignored him. He'd buried his head in his arms immediately upon having a seat, and although his silence irritated Levi, he decided to just take it as a ‘yes.’ After all, if Eren did cause anymore trouble than he'd just have to sit there longer and wait to get back into the pool, and quite frankly, Levi thought, that was Eren’s problem, not his. “I'll come back when you can swim again. Don't move until I say so.”

Again, Jean nodded before looking away, and again, Eren ignored him. Sighing, Levi left the patio after that, passing the girls who were now paddling around on a shared float. They had the entire pool to do so for a bit, Levi thought, and wondered how much Eren and Jean’s roughhousing had kept them from enjoying themselves too. It made him feel exasperated to think about, especially when he looked back over to where Erwin was sitting and remembered he still had to deal with Armin. 

He wanted to try to get him back into the water once more before he fully resigned himself to having to keep him at his side, mostly because he really,  _ really _ just wanted to talk to Erwin. Seeing him made a dozen different thoughts rush through his head, the warm, uplifting feelings from before coming back twofold. He hadn't forgotten while he'd been dealing with the kids, of course, but remembering how Erwin had held his hands between his own hit him so hard that he stopped in place. He froze in the grass for a moment, swallowing as his stomach flipped nervously out of fear that this would somehow turn out badly too, and only moved again when Erwin glanced up at him and gave him a small, encouraging smile. 

It was probably in an attempt to console him because he knew Levi was annoyed by the kids, but it made him sure that Erwin hadn't decided he'd fucked up and didn't want to talk to Levi while he'd been across the yard too. With that thought, he stepped forward again, approaching where they had set up all their plants in the grass, and where Armin was now sitting beside Erwin playing with the spade. He was digging around in a pot of soil with it while staring with wide eyes and a happy smile, clearly entertained by what he was doing even if it was just something simple. 

“He's keeping the dirt loose for you.” Erwin explained when Levi sat down, shifting his gaze back to Armin fondly.

It made Levi nearly smile a bit too, as even though he did want to be alone with Erwin and felt bad that he was suddenly thrust into helping him babysit, he had to admit that it was cute watching him with Armin. He clearly liked kids if the way he acted around them was anything to go by, and he seemed just as natural at it as he’d said that Levi was. All in all, it just made Erwin seem more endearing to Levi, more kind and gentle and warmhearted, and he wondered how it was possible that every time he learned something new about him he just seemed more and more...well,  _ perfect _ . It was ridiculous, really, and it just made him feel more desperate and impatient for answers about what had happened earlier. 

In fact, not only did he want that, but he had the sudden desire to hold Erwin’s hand again, finding himself wishing that he could reach out and just take one of them. They had been warm and he’d liked how they seemed to enclose his own completely, but unfortunately, there was no way he could — especially not with Armin around. 

“Oh?” He said in response to Erwin’s comment, ignoring his urges and getting comfortable beside him on the grass again. “Are you helping, Armin?”

“Yes.” Armin answered cheerfully, scooping out a spadeful of dirt before immediately dumping it back into the pot. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to get back in the pool? Eren and Jean are in time out, so you won’t get splashed.”

“No, I want to plant flowers. Can I help?”

Biting his lip, Levi paused for a second and looked at Erwin. He resisted the urge to sigh because he’d been hoping Armin had changed his mind about swimming, but no matter what, in the end he wasn’t going to make him get back into the water if he didn’t want to. He also wasn’t going to make him just sit on the patio or anything either as he hadn’t done anything wrong, and because he had to keep him in sight, having him help with the ‘flowers’ as he’d said was really the only option. Fortunately, Erwin was gracious about it — not that Levi had expected otherwise — and nodded at Levi’s questioning glance, reaching out to put his big hand on top of Armin’s head gently.

“Yes.” Erwin told him, answering him before Levi could. “You’ll be a big help.”

“Can I use the shovel?” Armin asked, giving Erwin an inquisitive look while he stopped digging around in the dirt.

“Of course.” 

Erwin’s response made him smile happily all over again, and Levi couldn’t help the way his heart swelled in his chest at how sweet it was to watch them. 

“Come here, Armin.” He said, repositioning himself so that he was closer to Erwin, and patting the grass in front of them for Armin to sit there. 

That way he was basically sitting in between them, but was small enough so that he wasn’t really in the way. They could see what Armin was doing better by looking over him, and would still be able to work around him while he helped, too. It took a bit of readjusting for them to get situated and to move all their supplies around, but once they did, Erwin didn’t hesitate before reaching for the pot with Levi’s half-planted cilantro in it. He leaned across the grass to pick it up and place it in front of Armin, and when he sat down again, his knee bumped up against Levi’s. It was just a light touch, Levi noticed, but Erwin made no move to shift away from him, keeping his leg there and continuing on like nothing had happened. 

It was the almost exact same thing that had happened before when their fingers had accidentally brushed for the first time, except Levi was quite sure that this was deliberate — or at least, the fact that he kept their knees touching was. The knowledge made him flush, his cheeks going scarlet and hot for what must have been the hundredth time that day, and look up at Erwin before he could help himself. The expression on his face was probably curious, but Erwin was focused on the cilantro in front of them and on Armin, reaching around him to show him how to cover the roots of the plant with the spade. 

He held his wrist gently like he’d done with Levi, assisting him with spreading the dirt out and potting the plant. Armin held still and watched in fascination, continuing his staring while Erwin grabbed the fertilizer and then moved on to the basil. Like that, they went through all of the remaining herbs one at time, going step by step like that so they could keep Armin entertained as much as possible. It wasn’t bad because he behaved well, but because  _ he  _ wasn’t doing much besides helping Armin get the plant out of it’s plastic container and watching Eren and Jean on the patio, Levi found his attention wandering over and over again to Erwin. Not only that, but he couldn’t stop watching his hands and reliving how Erwin had held his own before, how he’d grabbed him so gently and how he’d done it in response to Levi actually asking him if he would fucking do it. 

He’d only been teasing, of course, and continuing the same line of it that they’d started days earlier in his kitchen, never with the expectation that Erwin would actually take it seriously. Not only had he done that, but he’d said something almost sentimental in a way while doing it, and then continued to hold onto him while Levi just stared in awe. It had been so surprising, so  _ incredible  _ and heartwarming for him that he was almost still digesting it, barely able to believe it had actually happened if not for the fact that Erwin’s knee had ended up resting against his own nearly ten minutes later. 

What the fuck did all of this mean, though? Did Erwin  _ like _ him? Obviously he did, but was it in the same way that Levi liked him? For a split second while he'd been gazing into Erwin's eyes he'd almost been sure of it, because the way Erwin had looked at him had just been so...so,  _ soft _ . It had been tender and there had been something behind his eyes, something warm, and something that Levi hadn't seen directed towards him in another person’s expression in a long, long time — maybe even since his mother had died.

That was probably why he was finding himself doubting it a bit now, worrying that it might have been wishful thinking that had caused him to have those suspicions. What were the chances, after all, that he would get that lucky? That Erwin would see him as anything more than a friend, and even then, just an awkward, strange one at that? Levi thought they were pretty slim, but why the fuck had he held his hands? Was he just being friendly? If he was, then why had he stared at him like that? Why had he gazed into his eyes in a way that was more than just a casual glance, smiling at him warmly enough so that Levi was caught right then and there, causing him to freeze up, speechless, in front of him?

That was probably more his damn fault than Erwin’s, but he hadn't been able to help it. He'd been too enraptured by him in that moment, almost mesmerized by his gentle expression and the way his hands felt covering his own, and certainly by the happy, fluttering dance his heart had been doing in his chest. It had all caught him off guard, and although he still felt impossibly light when he thought about it and what it could mean — a possibility that Levi couldn't shake completely, no matter how unbelievable it seemed — the fear and the potential disappointment that came with the thought of Erwin not returning his feelings remained. 

Because of that, he idly wondered if Erwin would say something about it once they were alone again. Would he bring it up, or would he pretend it hadn't happened? If it was the latter, Levi almost wanted to think he'd say something himself, navigating the potential awkwardness just because he'd rather fucking know one way or the other so that he wouldn't have to wonder about it for days and days after. He was tired of being anxious about shit like that, he thought, because it was exhausting. Unfortunately, though, all in all it was easier said than done, and he had no idea if they'd get to be alone again anyway before the afternoon ended. 

Armin was with them until at least lunch time, Levi assumed, and they’d definitely be surrounded by children then. With nothing else for him to do in the yard after they were done with this Levi figured Erwin would probably leave, too, doubting that he’d want to stick around to just sit with Levi while he stared at the kids in the pool. Even if he did, though, Levi had no idea if Armin would want to swim again later, feeling himself bristle because of what Eren and Jean had done to him all over again. 

Despite his irritation, though, he still released them from time out once their 15 minutes had passed, as he couldn’t very well hold them over based on his own continued, personal annoyance. Besides, they’d actually listened to him while they’d been sitting there and not spoken a single word to one another, and had instead just slumped over with their heads propped up or folded inside their arms dolefully. Even Eren, who had been so disobedient and unruly before, remained silent for the entire time, only starting to squirm and shoot impatient glances towards Levi towards the end of his time out. If he was getting ready to backtalk him again, Levi thought, the amount of excitement he exhibited when he let them go must have made him forgive and forget, because the both of them jumped up so fast with twin shouts, skipping off to the pool and diving back in despite Levi’s reminder to not run.

Sighing, he glanced over at Erwin on impulse and was rewarded with another smile, this one small but no less warm than all of his others had been. It caused Levi to bite his lip and look away to check on Armin, feeling himself grow flustered and nearly overwhelmed all over again in light of how he was still consumed with thoughts of what had happened before. 

It persisted for the rest of the day, too, while they finished planting the herbs and moved them back to the patio, and while Levi herded all of the kids inside for lunchtime. He sent them to the bathroom to dry off and helped Erwin move the pots into his kitchen, arranging them all on one of the window seats that sat at the front of his kitchen. He had two on either side of the small breakfast table he kept in there, and Erwin had told him that it would be a good spot for them to sit. They would get enough light without it being too much, he’d said, and if he split them between the two spaces they would have enough room to grow and not be crowded, too. 

“There.” Erwin said once they were done, wiping his hands and stepping back to look at where they’d arranged the herbs. “I think they’ll be happy here. You probably won’t even need to move them around any.”

“Whatever you say.” Levi mumbled in response, shaking his head at how Erwin again implied that plants could have emotions — only teasingly though, of course.

His feigned incredulousness prompted Erwin to laugh, his eyes brightening as he moved back over to the island where he’d been standing that morning. This time instead of leaning over, though, he sat down on one of the stools, lying his arms across the counter before speaking. “I’m serious, you know.”

“Yeah, I know. That’s why I was shaking my head.”

“I’m not saying they’re capable of coherent thought, only that if they’re somewhere where they can thrive, then they’re happy. If they aren’t thriving, then they’re unhappy.”

“Oh? So it’s that simple?”

“Well, not necessarily. You can’t just place them in a spot and leave them there, after all. You have to care for them, and the more you do so helps. It doesn’t matter whether it’s something big or little, but if you ignore them and don’t put in any effort, then they won’t thrive.” 

Levi bit his lip at that, listening to Erwin from where he’d gone to the fridge to start taking out ingredients for lunch. He supposed that made sense, he thought, when Erwin put it like that rather than just telling him he had to make the plants happy, or implying that they were able to discern whether they  _ were  _ happy or not much less what that fucking word meant. He was just using it as a term to describe whether or not they were doing well, Levi realized, and if he was being honest with himself, when that was all it was he actually found the way Erwin spoke about the plants to be kind of fucking cute.

_ Damn it. _ He thought, frowning as he snatched a block of cheese from his fridge and placed it on the counter. Why was everything Erwin did so fucking  _ endearing? _ It was ridiculous and even a bit concerning sometimes, considering the fact that Levi spent almost the entire time he was around him with butterflies in his fucking stomach. It didn't help any when Erwin continued talking, either, ending his explanation with a comment that made Levi raise an eyebrow sharply. 

“They're like people, as I said before. If you're kind to them and take the time to understand them, they'll usually respond and bloom beautifully.” Erwin said softly, letting out another chuckle. “Even the thorny ones.”

At that, Levi stopped what he was doing at his fridge, pausing for a moment because Erwin's words, his mention of people, and the pointed way in which he’d said it had given him a sudden thought. It was almost like he wasn't  _ only _ talking about plants anymore, or like his comparison of them to a human being wasn't just for the sake of the explanation, but a reference to Levi too. It was the added statement about ‘the thorny ones’ that made him wonder that, because he was nothing if not prickly and difficult to handle. In addition to that he came with a decent amount of baggage, too, and although Erwin didn't know the details of why yet, he'd seen Levi reacting as a result of it. He'd also stuck around and had given him another chance — more than one, in fact — when he'd been an asshole, meaning that the part about treating them kindly and taking time to do so was about him too. Why?

“What do you mean?” Levi asked, because he wanted to know, and after everything else he just couldn’t retain his curiosity any longer.

He turned around when he’d spoken to look at Erwin, too, finding him staring down at the counter with a small, sheepish-like smile. He kept his gaze there for the most part even after Levi asked his question, flicking his eyes up towards his face just once before lowering them back again. He didn’t respond right away and his cheeks even looked a little pink, Levi thought, and because the silence was telling, in the moments that he stood there before Erwin answered he thought his fucking heart was going to explode out of his chest. 

“Nothing, I suppose.” Erwin said eventually, swallowing before he continued. “But while we’re on this subject, I...ah, I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable earlier. Outside, I mean, when I—

“You didn’t.” Levi blurted, his eyes widening from surprise that Erwin had brought that up, and interrupting him before he could even finish his sentence. 

_ Of course _ he hadn’t made him uncomfortable; flustered and confounded by the developments, sure, but not uncomfortable. That was the last thing he had been, and it was the last thing that he wanted Erwin to think, for that matter, after what had happened and how he felt. Either way, though, he still found his cheeks warming a bit when Erwin looked up at him out of near astonishment at his small outburst. 

“Oh.” He said, blinking once. “Really?”

“Yeah. It doesn’t...it was — I mean, I didn’t mind.”

“You didn’t?”

“No.” 

“Ah, okay. I’m glad.”

“Yeah. I mean... _ yeah. _ ” Levi replied, cringing because of the stupid way in which he kept fumbling over his words.

It was because he was suddenly nervous, his stomach doing flip-flops and his heart beating erratically enough to make his palms sweat, hanging onto Erwin’s every word with enough focus so that he barely sensed anything else that was going on around them. It was probably ridiculous because their conversation was simple, but it was the possible implications behind it that had him reeling again. It seemed to be having the same effect on Erwin too, he saw, as when his eyes swept over his expression Levi noticed it was still a bit open-mouthed, his lips parted just slightly and his eyebrows raised high up on his forehead in surprise.

In that moment, Levi thought that it made him actually look like he was 22 years old for once, young and unsure about whatever the fuck it was that he was doing. Levi couldn’t know whether it was because of inexperience or not, but either way, if he  _ was  _ insecure...well, then that fucking made two of them. Ironically, though, realizing their age difference in that moment somehow made Levi feel a bit more confident, emboldened by the possibility that Erwin might be even more nervous than he was, or even at all. It was enough so that — even after considering why Erwin might be nervous in the first place — he found the courage to continue the conversation, opening his mouth to ask Erwin why he had held his hands just as five noisy children entered the kitchen from where they’d been drying off.

“What’s for lunch?!” Sasha asked, immediately walking up to peek over the counter at the ingredients Levi had taken out. 

She did so without even noticing that Levi and Erwin had been talking to each other, completely oblivious to the way they’d been staring and to the loaded silence in the room. She was just a kid so Levi wouldn’t expect her to, not really, but as soon as he heard her voice Levi felt frustrated. It was the second time that day that they’d been interrupted during what he considered to be an important moment, once again leaving him with no answers and even more fucking questions than he’d had before. He wanted to be annoyed at the kids for it too, but as much as he longed to scold them, he knew he just couldn’t because it wasn’t fair — not for that reason.

It wasn’t their fault either, not really, as Levi should have known better to fall into a conversation like that after what had already happened outside with Armin anyway. There was a high chance of them getting interrupted no matter where the kids were or what they were doing, after all, and he was the one who left himself get distracted,  _ again. _ That wasn’t good when he was babysitting, and he should probably just be grateful that they were in his house this time rather than swimming out in the pool like before.

“Grilled cheese.” He mumbled in response, after a few seconds where he just stared at Erwin with his mouth open. 

He felt his face fall and heard a frustrated huff leave his lips, and while still staring at him too, Erwin’s mouth curved up into a smile that was devoid of amusement and only filled with sympathy. It indicated that he knew exactly what Levi was thinking and felt for him, and made him wonder if Erwin might even be disappointed too.  

_ Probably fucking not. _ He thought, very close to scowling to himself as he turned away to finish getting everything he needed out of the fridge. Having to end their conversation on a note like that again had just added onto the residual pessimistic feelings he still felt from before, and now he was thoroughly discouraged and defeated, filled with thoughts about how he was probably wasting his time anyway because Erwin didn’t like him like that. He was surely just misreading this whole fucking situation, and even if he wasn’t, he didn’t deserve that anyway. He was an asshole and he’d made too many mistakes in the past, and Erwin was just a nice kid that shouldn’t get involved with someone like him. He was young and they probably didn’t even need to be friends, and—

“Mr. Ackerman.” Erwin said then, interrupting the internal tirade he was holding against himself. “I have to leave later because I have another scholarship application to fill out, but...ah, is it alright if I stay for lunch?”

At that, Levi’s eyes widened and he turned around again to make sure Erwin was serious. After the shit he’d just been thinking he needed to see his face before he answered, but despite his negativity, Erwin was still smiling, his expression somehow hopeful and hesitant at the same time. 

“Yeah.” He said, scoffing a bit because, of course, he didn’t mind in the least. Erwin’s question seemed ridiculous after everything he’d done to help him that day, and Levi had been planning to ask, anyway. It would be rude not to, and it would be an opportunity for him to cook for Erwin — the only downside to it being that it was just going to fucking be grilled cheese. That was all he could make for the kids that day, considering that they’d come unannounced and he was due for another grocery delivery the next morning. He was out of a lot of shit that he could make a big meal with except for bread and cheese, and although he knew the kids would enjoy it, he wasn’t sure about Erwin. He ate like shit, sure, but did he like that kind of sandwich? “As long as you’re fine with eating grilled cheese like a kid. I don’t have enough shit to make anything else.”

“That’s fine. I eat grilled cheese all the time.” Erwin responded, letting out a small chuckle at the face Levi made in response.

Did he really? He wondered. Levi wasn’t  _ that  _ surprised that he liked them, but wasn’t that a bit too difficult for someone like Erwin, who made it sound like he was too afraid to even use his fucking stove without starting a fire?

“You can cook that?” He asked with that thought in mind, teasing Erwin a bit and snorting at the image of him munching on grilled cheese sandwiches like a 10 year old.

“I cook them in the microwave.” 

At that admission, Levi stopped what he’d been doing — unwrapping blocks of cheese on his counter — and stared with what probably amounted to a face full of horror. What the fuck? A grilled cheese made in a microwave? That was absurd and probably tasted like shit, and Erwin must have been able to tell what he was thinking because after a moment, he suddenly let out a laugh.

“It’s not as bad as you think.” He said, before glancing down at the cheese Levi was working with. He had three different kinds — cheddar, swiss, and gouda — and planned to combine them after cutting off slices in between two pieces of extra thick bread. “Although I’m sure yours will be better. Can I help?”

“Can you slice cheese?” Levi replied, using Erwin’s offer as an excuse to remain in his presence for a few moments longer. 

He passed the block of cheddar over to him when he nodded, handing him a knife too before grabbing another one for himself. Like that, they set to work, slicing the cheese into enough pieces for Levi to make approximately 15 sandwiches. That was the amount that he figured he needed after polling the kids, sighing when Jean and Eren proclaimed they wanted two and Sasha wanted  _ four _ . Erwin asked for three and Mikasa and Armin only wanted one, and Levi knew he could eat two easily. Luckily, he had enough bread for that and two large pans so that he could cook four at a time, hoping that it wouldn’t take too long so that maybe,  _ maybe  _ he and Erwin could have another chance to talk before he had to go. 

Unfortunately it didn’t happen like that, as Sasha hovered around him the entire time he was cooking — practically drooling over the food, he noticed, and asking for pieces of cheese — and then made a huge mess eating along with all of the other kids. He had to clean everything up while they remained in the kitchen for their required 30 minutes of rest before getting back into the pool, and by the time he was done with that, Erwin told him that he probably needed to get going.

“I have to write an essay.” He mentioned, smiling a bit at Levi when he nodded with a frown that he couldn’t help. “I procrastinated on it.”

“Go get it done then.” Levi told him despite his disappointment though, not wanting to do anything to hurt Erwin’s pursuit of education, of course. 

He deserved a scholarship and Levi hoped he would get one, as he already knew that would make things a lot easier for him when he would otherwise be paying for it himself. That was why he was employed there in the first place, Levi knew, wasting his time and intelligence doing shitty yard work because he was saving up. He’d be much better off doing something else, and Levi hoped that he would be able to get a start on that sooner rather than later. That thought made him pause for a moment though, because if Erwin got into college with a scholarship, would he quit his job there? If he did that, would they still remain friends? 

Naturally, Levi’s first assumption was no, they wouldn’t, because they mostly talked and saw each other when Erwin came to work, and Levi lived on the outskirts of town. Why would Erwin come all the way out there just to see him, especially when Levi made things more difficult by his unwillingness to leave the house. They could still e-mail and chat online, of course, because he already knew he was capable of maintaining a friendship that way, but it was just...well, Levi liked him too much to be satisfied with just that. He knew he would be lonely and probably even  _ miss  _ him, and he fretted about it as he began to walk Erwin to the front door when he was ready to leave.

Should he say something? He wondered. About what had happened in the yard? A few moments ago he'd been ready to forget it for that day, but now, his sudden realization that Erwin might quit someday soon just made him want answers about it even more. Perhaps it was because his mind was hoping to hear something that might not only indicate Erwin wouldn't quit, but that he wouldn't quit because he  _ liked _ Levi and wanted to be around him. Perhaps, too, he’d just dreamed of the impossible, of Erwin returning his feelings so much that day that he felt more confident than usual in what his response might be, but regardless of the reason, in the end, Levi lost his nerve before he could.

All down the hall he tried, though, opening his mouth to speak but closing it again just as quickly, self-doubt and anxiousness blossoming in his stomach before he could force any words out. What the fuck would he even say anyway, though? He wasn't entirely sure and nothing sounded right, and by the time they'd reached the front door his courage was gone. It was too late and Erwin had to get home, and Levi had to deal with the kids. He probably shouldn't leave them in the kitchen for the amount of time that it might take for them to have that conversation anyway, and so he tried to make his face blank as best he could when Erwin said goodbye, waving at him as he walked to his car and climbed inside. 

Then he shut the door and went to get the kids ready to go back into the pool, herding them outside as quickly as he could and watching closely while they put on sunscreen. He brought his tablet out with him and shooed them away gently towards the water when they were done, sitting down at the patio table and getting comfortable while he loaded up Skype. He hadn’t gotten any answers that day, unfortunately, and had no idea when he might — at least from Erwin, anyway. Fortunately for him, though, there was another person who might be able to help him, someone who could offer him advice and a second, well-needed perspective on the situation. It depended on whether or not Levi could tell them  _ all  _ of the details without getting fucking embarrassed, of course, but because he felt so impatient and desperate to have some idea of what was going on, he considered any potential mortification to be, for once, actually worth it.

With that thought, Levi logged into the application, sighing to himself, slumping down into his chair, and biting his lip as he did so, telling himself that this was in his best interest as he hesitated for just one more second before promptly firing off a message to Hange. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "hmm." Hange sent, before the tiny dots that indicating they were still typing popped up, and Levi bit his lip impatiently. "you could kiss him, but if you wouldn't slap his ass then i’m guessing you won't do that either, right?"
> 
> "no. not just out of the fucking blue." Levi replied, his eyes going lidded at the thought anyway. 
> 
> "well, then you could ask him out? that's normally how most relationships start, i suppose. one person asks the other on a date, and then they go from there. except i guess you'd have to invite him inside your house for dinner or something if you don’t want to leave. oh, i know, levi! why don't you cook for him?"

_ hange. _ Levi typed out quickly, hoping that they weren’t busy and could talk to him that day.  _ what are you doing? _

_ levi!! not much, i’m just working on a lab report about our amoeba. i’ve learned so much about it since we last talked, like how it digests food and how it swims, and the way it reacts to outside stimulants! it’s fascinating, and we’re hoping to get it recognized as a new species. have you fucked your gardener yet? _

Up until the end of Hange’s message, Levi had been reading with indifference, finding his attention already starting to wane because he assumed they were going to go off on a tangent about their experiments. Thankfully, though, they didn’t, but instead switched topics so quickly that it caught Levi off guard, causing him to sit up in his chair abruptly at not only that, but at their fucking ridiculously brazen question.

_ no. what the fuck? _ He said immediately, feeling his entire face warm from just the thought.

_ why not  _  ;) Was Hange’s reply, because as usual, they were apparently not going to pay any mind to the potential embarrassment their question might have caused. 

They had to assume that Levi was getting flustered — he always did when talking about this type of shit, and quickly — because they knew him, and because his disgruntled response had probably made it obvious, too. Either way, though, they never seemed to care, and had Levi not started chatting with them to talk about Erwin in the first place he’d probably be on the way to feeling annoyed.

_ because.  _ He said instead of changing the subject, though, squirming as he reminded himself that he needed their advice.  _ i haven’t. but i need to talk to you about that shit, okay? _

_ really, levi?!?! _

_ yeah. but it’s fucking embarrassing, so don’t make any stupid jokes. _

_ i won’t! i promise. lay it on me. did you give him a blowjob instead? did you kiss? _

_ no. quit with the questions. just listen. _

_ okay, okay, okay, i’m listening. _

Grinding his teeth at Hange’s insistence on grilling him before he could explain, Levi then took a deep breath, pausing to look over at what the kids were doing in the pool to make sure they were behaving. Thankfully they were, and Armin seemed to be having a much better time than he had that morning. Levi was grateful for that — and grateful that he’d decided he’d wanted to get back in the water after lunch, too — because having this conversation with Hange would be impossible with him hanging around. Even so, though, he kept an eye on him as he started typing, making sure that he didn’t get too distracted while doing so and that Armin wasn’t getting splashed or anything like that, either.

He wasn’t, but even without any interruptions it still took him nearly 5 minutes to write out everything that had happened between him and Erwin since the last time he and Hange had talked. There was a lot to explain — more than perhaps Levi had even realized when he’d decided to do this — but he forced himself to share every single detail anyway so that he wouldn’t get any misconstrued advice. He started with how he’d ‘flirted back’ with Erwin in the kitchen like they had told him to do before, telling them what he’d said and then moving on to the making of their gardening plans and the shit with the smiley faces and how Erwin had called him  _ charming _ , ending his long string of messages with how Erwin told him he’d hold his hand if Levi needed it and then actually done so in his yard earlier. By the time he was finished his mind was racing at reliving everything, and he was torn between thinking that there was just no other explanation for all of it that made sense except for Erwin liking him, and doubting himself, the same, usual thoughts about how it was just too good to be true running through his head over and over again.

_ wow. _ Hange said simply when they’d read everything though, prompting Levi to frown because...well, what the fuck was that supposed to mean?

_ what? _

_ nothing. i just can’t believe you didn’t tell me any of this until now! _

Rolling his eyes in response, Levi shook his head at their accusatory tone too, only refraining from bristling because he knew it was just playful.

_ sorry.  _ He said, hoping it sounded just as sarcastic as he wanted it to. _ i was distracted. _

_ i see that. _

_ so...well, do you think he’s flirting with me? i can’t tell and i don’t even know what the fuck i’m doing either, but he keeps saying weird shit, and— _

_ LMAO. YES, LEVI. HE’S FLIRTING. AND SO ARE YOU. I’M SO PROUD! _

_ what? how the hell do you know?  _ Levi said, his eyes widening at their overexcited response. 

He narrowed them a few seconds after though, drawing his brows down in confusion too. He tried to control his heart because, of course, that was exactly what he’d wanted to hear, but Hange had answered so fast and so easily while Levi had waffled over the same question for days. That wasn’t necessarily unusual, but how had they come to that conclusion so quickly? And, he wondered, still not sure he could believe it, were they sure? 

_ he held your hands. and he made that really cheesy comment. and then he kept touching his knee to yours. and before that, you flirted with him in the kitchen and then online, and he flirted right back. he definitely likes you!  _

_ but what if he was just being nice?  _ Levi responded, biting his lip and shifting in his chair.

_ HE HELD YOUR HANDS!!! _

_ okay, shit. so what? _

_ that’s just....really gay, levi. and so was telling you that you were charming. i don’t think he would do that if he just wanted to be friends with you. it doesn’t send that kind of message, do you know what i mean? _

_ i guess. _

_ and neither does the way he flirted back with you. it was suggestive, even if all you were both suggesting was that you just wanted to hold hands like a bunch of teenagers. it’s so funny... _

Levi made a face at that, feeling defensive over the fact that Hange seemed to find something about his situation ‘funny.’ He could almost hear them giggling to themselves like they often did when they were video chatting, and he huffed, feeling a bit frustrated at how anxious and stressed he’d been over all this shit while Hange just found it amusing.

_ it’s not funny.  _ He typed, frowning.  _ i don’t know what the hell i’m doing. _

_ i know, i’m sorry. but maybe you should slap his ass or something, you’re 34 years old. _

_ what? i’m not just gonna slap his fucking ass, and why does it matter how old i am?  _

_ it doesn’t. i’m just teasing! but everything you said sounds so innocent...i wonder how you’ll even kiss... _

_ hange. _

_ okay, okay, but why not touch his butt? he’s probably wondering the same things about you, you know, about whether you like him or were flirting with him. if you slap him there i’m pretty sure he’ll get the message.  _ Hange said, somehow conveying a tone through their text that let Levi know they were now being completely serious — at least about the ass slapping thing. 

It was ridiculous and he flushed at the image of himself doing it — unable to keep from imagining it and how Erwin’s backside might feel no matter how hard he tried — but it also made him pause. Behind all of the bullshit and their very shameless, very  _ brazen  _ suggestion, Levi thought, they did have a point. It was the memory of the uncertainty that had been in Erwin’s face during lunch that made him finally realize it, recalling how he’d seemed a bit nervous and more hesitant than usual when talking to him. He’d also told Levi that he was sorry if he’d made him uncomfortable for touching him outside, and more than anything, because he was quite familiar with his own doubts, it helped convince him that Hange’s suspicions about Erwin having more than friendly feelings for him  _ were  _ actually legitimate.

If Erwin didn’t, why had he acted so nervous and apologetic, implying that he was concerned he’d done something to offend him? It was the same type of shit that Levi would do himself, and...well,  _ had  _ done already, as upsetting Erwin in even the slightest and damaging what he felt for Levi — whatever that might be — was always the last thing he wanted to do. It was because if he did, he thought, Erwin would dislike him for it. Or at least, that was the basic assumption he’d make, and if Erwin was concerned enough about that too so that even  _ he  _ felt nervous, then Levi found it hard to believe that he only wanted to stay friends with him.

Sure, he could just be a really nice guy, but then why had he held his hands like Hange had said? That wasn’t something Levi would do to anyone he was just friends with, and combined with everything else, with how he’d helped him with the plants and been so insistent about it — and not to mention all of their apparent flirtatious exchanges and the subtle, playful teasing and compliments — it was almost impossible to read it any other way. It gave off a specific message like Hange had told him, and he couldn’t think of another reason for Erwin to do any of that. If he did have ulterior motives then he’d be an asshole for leading him on, but after everything, Levi was quite convinced that Erwin was  _ not  _ an asshole. He was the opposite, kind and conscientious and thoughtful, and although Levi’s initial crush had grown that much deeper because of his warmhearted personality, Levi still wanted to fuck him,  _ bad _ .

He couldn’t help but think it, as it had been in the back of his mind for the entire day anyway, ever since Erwin had walked up wearing nice jeans and a tight v-neck. It hadn’t gotten better when he’d touched Levi’s hands either, of course, because as, well...as innocent as that had been in a way, it had also caused Levi to notice how large his palms were, how warm they’d felt against his own and how gently he had touched him. What would they feel like elsewhere on his body while in the bedroom, he couldn’t stop himself from wondering, and would Erwin be just as tender with him there, or would he be more rough, confident in his movements and more forceful?

It was a thought that had Levi swallowing to keep his mouth from going dry, crossing his legs as he tried to shake away the lewd images that were now running rampantly through his head. Either option sounded nice, if he was being honest, as long as it was with Erwin, and it was hard to stop thinking about it when he realized that if Hange  _ was _ right, then there was a real chance of it actually happening instead of it usually being nothing more than a shameful dream for Levi. That got his blood pumping above  _ and _ below the belt, but before he could get even more carried away than he already was, he stopped, imagining that he was probably getting way, way ahead of himself in thinking about that shit. 

It was hard not to, though, because although he would never be able to rid himself of all doubts until he heard a confession come out of Erwin's own mouth, the fact that Hange had confirmed his own suspicions — suspicions which he'd told himself he’d been crazy for having — made him feel almost giddy. He felt more confident too, and somehow better about himself, as getting a second, positive opinion from a friend about something he'd been struggling to believe in helped his attitude a lot. It had given him the push he needed to get past many of his self-doubts and mental hang-ups, and had finally allowed him to suppose that Erwin liking him  _ romantically _ could truly, actually be possible. Blinking as a hopeful warmth filled him at the thought, he wondered what the hell he should do to find out, though, realizing at about the same time that he'd left Hange hanging and hadn't answered them in quite a few minutes. 

_ i’m not gonna slap his ass. _ Levi sent then, after taking another second to closely eyeball the kids in the pool to make sure they were still behaving.  _ isn't there something else i could do? that won't fucking scare him off? _

_ you could just ask him if he likes you. _

_ fuck that. _ Levi said, as the thought of doing so immediately filled him with sickening nerves. 

It was because going up to Erwin and asking him something like that was just about one of the most stressful things he could think of doing, as he knew he  _ and _ Hange could always be wrong about this. If he brought it up to Erwin that blatantly and got shot down he'd probably die of embarrassment, and then their friendship might become weird and more awkward because Erwin would know how Levi felt. Just because Hange was shameless and didn't let shit like that get to them didn't mean he was the same, and surely there was something else he could do that was more subtle and less nerve-wracking, right?

_ hmm.  _ Hange sent, before the tiny dots that indicating they were still typing popped up, and Levi bit his lip impatiently.  _ you could kiss him, but if you wouldn't slap his ass then i’m guessing you won't do that either, right? _

_ no. not just out of the fucking blue. _ Levi replied, his eyes going lidded at the thought anyway.

_ well, then you could ask him out? that's normally how most relationships start, i suppose. one person asks the other on a date, and then they go from there. except i guess you'd have to invite him inside your house for dinner or something if you don’t want to leave. oh, i know, levi! why don't you cook for him? _

At that, Levi stared at his tablet screen, re-reading Hange’s message over and over and  _ knowing  _ all of a sudden that their suggestion was the answer. He'd realized it even as they were typing it out, too, as after all, it was something he'd thought about a million times before already because he wanted to do it. Eating with Erwin would just be nice, he’d always imagined, and Levi knew he would like his cooking. It was something that would allow them to spend more time together too — alone and more intimately than if they were casually chatting in his kitchen or planting herbs outside, anyway, which ironically enough, were the exact reasons that had always made him too nervous to ask before. 

Thinking about it like that had always made it seem too much like a date, and before that day, he’d doubted Erwin would be interested in anything like that. Now, however, after what had happened in his backyard and how Hange had put things into perspective for him, he felt far more confident that Erwin would accept his offer than he had at any other point before. Because of that, and because of how Levi had already been yearning for that exact thing for a long time, it seemed like the perfect way for him to find out what Erwin might be really thinking, subtle and more tasteful than the bordering on sexual harassment shit that Hange was suggesting. He may have been crude and awkward most of the time, he thought while recalling what they’d said about slapping Erwin’s ass again, but at least he knew better than to do something that would probably make him come across like a cocky, disrespectful asshole.

Not that he believed Hange to be or anything, but Levi had no doubt that was the impression that he, specifically, would give — right before he’d turn red from mortification and lose his shit, anyway. No, as much as he did want to touch Erwin’s ass that was not the answer, and he felt much more comfortable with asking him to dinner, much more  _ sure  _ that doing so wouldn’t completely ruin whatever else they had between them, too.

With that decided, the only questions left were how should he ask?  _ When  _ should he ask? Obviously not right away, as Erwin was at home working on scholarship shit. He had the next day off, though, and surely he’d be done with his essay or whatever then, right? Levi assumed so because of how Erwin had rushed home that afternoon to work on it like it was due that night or something, but if Levi invited him to dinner tomorrow then he’d have to do it over e-mail or text. A call would probably be better, he thought, but he hated talking on the phone, and doing so with Erwin would surely make him even more nervous than he was already going to be. After that, all that was left was asking him in person, and the first chance Levi would have to do that would be the day after tomorrow when Erwin returned to work.

He could wait until then, he told himself, but unfortunately, it wasn’t just a matter of patience. He was afraid he’d lose his nerve if he didn’t do it right away, as that was what had happened in the hallway when Erwin had left his house earlier. He’d wanted to ask him about what was going on, exactly, but he hadn’t been able to figure out what to say before they’d gotten to the door, and his doubts had kept him from trying after that. Now, though, he felt a bit more self-assured for once, and asking Erwin to eat dinner with him would probably be a lot easier than asking him why he’d held his hand and whether or not he was flirting with him.

Even if he didn’t it was still his best option, but with luck, they’d figure everything about their feelings out in a more natural or less flustering way at dinner, and if not, then perhaps it would just be the first step into eventually leading them to that, and to Erwin confessing his feelings and to Levi getting a kiss while Erwin held his hand again, and maybe even to the two of them starting a  _ real _ , romantic type of relationship afterward that would last for a long, long time. 

Staring at the kids idly while he daydreamed, Levi was forced out of it when Jean and Eren started fighting again over a beach ball. He moved to go break it up right away when he saw them start — after remembering to tell Hange ‘be right back’ for once — and even though he grumbled the whole way, it was probably a good thing that he’d been interrupted. He’d been getting ahead of himself again, because as much as he hoped for things like that, it was unrealistic and  _ silly  _ for him to think about it when Erwin hadn’t even agreed to eat with him yet. Even in the event that he did it didn’t mean all of that shit was going to automatically happen, either, and if he got his hopes up for those things and something went wrong, then in the end, he’d be even more disappointed than normal.

_ How had he let himself fall so far?  _ He thought idly once he’d returned to his seat, remembering how he’d only been looking for a gardener to replace Shadis when he’d put up the ad that had allowed him to meet Erwin. He’d only intended on hiring another employee whom he could basically ignore, and certainly hadn’t planned on getting someone like Erwin when he'd done it, much less befriending him or even  _ wanting _ to in the first place, or having it all end up like this, with his mind constantly filled with fond thoughts of him, and his heart nearly bursting out of his chest every single time he fucking laid eyes on him. 

It wasn’t that he regretted anything, because  _ of course _ he didn’t. He just wasn’t used to shit like that happening to him, and he wasn’t used to feeling...well, happy, either. It had been a long time since he’d experienced that particular emotion, in fact, and he knew it was almost solely because of the buoyant feeling he always got when Erwin was around.  _ He  _ had helped to make him happier just simply by being there, and realizing that just made Levi like him that much more, especially when he looked back and remembered how ill-tempered and gloomy he'd been not too long ago, anyway. He’d come pretty far from having an attitude like that since Erwin had come into his life and given him something brighter to focus on, and although he still had a lot of other things to deal with, he knew, it was nice to feel that his future — and his entire existence, really — was not actually as dark, dismal, and desolate as he had always considered it to be.

Feeling more high-spirited than he probably had in years, Levi told Hange that he was going to invite Erwin to dinner. He also thanked them for their advice, and continued chatting with them for the rest of the time the kids were in the pool, watching them idly while he listened to every single piece of information Hange could give him about their amoeba. It was boring as shit to him but it was only fair after they’d sat through a telling of his personal problems, and so while keeping that in mind, he forced himself to try to pretend like he was interested as they explained everything about their small, multi-celled organism in great detail — including how it excreted waste after feeding.

_ i didn’t know amoebas could shit.  _ He said when they were through, actually feeling a little amused at that particular bit of information even though he’d never admit it. 

_ they do! it was fascinating; i watched it through a microscope.  _ Hange replied, causing Levi to snort while he imagined it.

_ fuck, imagine having someone stare at you through a lens while you’re taking a crap. i almost feel sorry for the damn thing. _

_ well, it's not capable of rational thought, so i don’t think it minds. if it does, that’s too bad, though. moblit and i are higher up on the food chain. _

Levi could almost imagine the terrifying smile that Hange likely wore while saying that, and he shook his head at the ridiculousness of it all — albeit in amusement. Just as he was about to respond with something crude about amoeba shit, though, he checked the time on his tablet and realized that he should probably start getting the kids out of the pool. Mikasa’s father was due to be there to pick them up in about thirty minutes, and with Sasha and Jean as additions to the usual three, it would no doubt take him that long to get them inside so they could dry off and change. 

_ i gotta go. _ He told Hange a moment later, shouting at the kids to start getting out while he said goodbye to them. _ i gotta get these brats out of the water. _

_ okay, levi! i’m glad we got to talk! good luck with erwin. i hope it goes smoothly and that you get to touch his butt soon.  _ Hange replied, causing Levi to frown and blush lightly at the same time. 

_ ……..bye, four eyes.  _ He said to them quickly, turning off his tablet and going to assist the kids before they could tease him anymore. 

Thankfully, because they’d been swimming all day in the hot sun, none of the children argued with him about getting out of the pool. They were tired, it seemed, and moved slowly, the excitable chatter they’d carried out between them all day now nothing more than a few quiet comments here and there. They probably would have benefitted from a nap after lunch, Levi thought, but he hadn’t given them one, and truth be told he was relieved to finally have a bit of calmness after all of the troublesome bullshit he’d had to deal with all day. 

It persisted while they dried off and changed back into normal clothes, and by the time they were done with that all they could do, apparently, was collapse onto the couch and loveseat in front of the television. Levi sat with them in a chair while they waited for Mr. Ackerman to get there to pick them up, feeling a bit surprised when Mikasa came over and climbed up next to him with his phone. She wanted to play a game, he realized, and they did that together while the other kids watched cartoons, and while Armin and Sasha nodded off and slept until her father finally arrived. He was 30 fucking minutes late, of course, and didn’t even thank Levi for babysitting as they all filed out to get into his car, or even care at all when he was told how badly Jean and Eren had behaved. Levi wasn’t surprised, though, not really, nor did he feel any shock when he told Mikasa to ‘come on’ when she went to give Levi a hug goodbye, either. 

_ Fucker. _ He thought to himself when he did it, fixing him with a hard glance but otherwise remaining silent.

The kids were still within earshot so he couldn’t say anything rude, but whatever. All he really wanted to do anyway was get inside so he could relax and have a cup of tea, and then maybe make some dinner out of whatever groceries he had left before settling down on his couch for the night. He would catch up on whatever chores he’d missed while gardening during the next morning, and was glad when Mr. Ackerman finally drove away so he could be alone. As much as he’d enjoyed his time with Erwin that day, the events with the children, his conversation with Hange, and all of the fucking speculation he’d gone through had worn him out mentally. 

He was tired of thinking, and after lingering a bit on his porch to note that it looked like a storm was blowing in, Levi decided that his first order of events was to get clean so he could put on pajamas, as he felt sticky and gross from how sweaty he’d gotten while sitting outside for most of the day. There was also something  _ else  _ that he needed to take care of in there too, he thought, something that hadn’t left him alone ever since he’d realized that the possibility of him getting to fool around with Erwin might not actually be completely zero: his boner.

Perhaps that wasn’t the correct term to use, because it wasn’t like he’d sat around with his dick hard in his pants all afternoon. He certainly hadn’t because he’d been babysitting, but the things he’d imagined and how often his mind wandered back to it while he was distracted had left him pent up. That wasn’t unusual these days, of course, but the fact that Erwin might feel the same way made him just need it that much more, as he now found that he felt a lot less  _ wrong  _ for thinking about shit like that and acting on it. Because of that, he didn’t hold back when he jerked off in the shower after washing up, letting his mind come up with whatever lewd, lustful, Erwin related images that it wanted to without the admonishing voice behind it telling him to stop.

It was nice, actually, because afterward, Levi felt relaxed, sated, and content for once, rather than the usual guilt and shame that he’d come to experience whenever he ended up touching himself like that. The sound of the rain outside helped make the atmosphere feel calm, too — it had started coming down steadily while he’d been in the shower — and he was looking forward to curling up with a blanket on his couch and not moving for a while. 

Before he could do that, though, he had to feed himself, and after the rain started coming down harder and the wind picked up, Levi decided he should probably hurry up with it in case his power went out or something. According to the weather it was only going to get worse and storm all night, and so he headed into the kitchen after he’d checked it, looking through his ingredients to see what he could make. He had enough shit to make some kind of small dish with chicken and mashed potatoes, he thought, but while he was going through everything he began to think that he didn’t actually feel like making a meal that night, not really. 

It wasn’t for any particular reason other than how he just wanted to laze around and watch television for the next few hours, and so after thinking about it for a moment, he did something which he hadn’t done in ages: he ordered a pizza online. He got a large and even asked for extra cheese, and made a cup of tea so he could sip that and get comfortable while he waited on the delivery. It took longer than normal — probably because of the storm, Levi thought, which was now putting out a lot of thunder and lightning in addition to the gusts of wind and rain — and although he was starving by the time it got there, he made sure to tip the delivery guy extra because he’d had to drive through that shit all the way out to his property.

Coming from him that was a wad of small bills that he pulled from the stash he kept inside his house, an amount which he didn’t bother counting and which seemed to make the teenager on his doorstep quite happy. It couldn’t have been more than even his lowest bill cost so he didn’t worry about it, and ate his entire pizza on the couch once he’d brought it in while watching a marathon of some ridiculous reality show. It was stupid but somehow entertaining at the same time because of the antics that went on, and he was so caught up with it that he didn’t realize midnight had passed until the last episode finally aired.

_ Shit.  _ He thought, because he hadn’t planned on staying up that late, not at all. He needed to awaken earlier the next morning so he could catch up with his chores, and had no desire to be grumpy and half-asleep while he did so. Just because he was in better spirits these day didn’t mean he’d suddenly become a morning person, he knew, and he had no desire to get up before 9:00 AM if it didn’t involve seeing Erwin.

Erwin, who was more than likely guilty of flirting with him, who had held his hands that day too and who Levi was planning on asking if he wanted to have dinner with him. Thinking about that in particular made him feel a stab of nerves — although nothing of the sort that would make him back out just yet, thankfully — and then hopeful excitement, his heart rate increasing all over again just from the memories of his interactions with him. He’d enjoyed the time they’d spent together and couldn’t wait to see him again for more, and after everything, only wished that it could be the next day instead of the one after that. 

Even that short amount of time seemed too long of an absence for him, but maybe,  _ hopefully _ , he thought, he could find a way to talk to him for a bit when he woke up in the morning. They could always chat by e-mail or maybe even text or something, as they’d done that before and Erwin had made it clear he didn’t mind. In fact, because of that, Levi had contemplated messaging him that night even, but no matter how much he wanted to he’d held back from doing it because he didn’t know if Erwin was still busy. He hadn’t wanted to interrupt him if he was, but incredibly enough, once he got upstairs, he realized that Erwin might have been sitting around all night thinking the exact same thing. 

It was because when he plugged his phone into it’s charger he saw that he had an e-mail from him, a notification to indicate it sitting right there on the screen from  _ two hours _ ago.  

_ What the fuck? _ He thought, snatching the thing back up while a short burst of excitement went through him. How had he missed that? Had the television been too loud, or had the storm drowned it out? It was probably both, he thought irritably, noting, though, that even if he  _ had  _ been watching TV, the storm outside was still going just as intensely as it had been before. Lightning illuminated his room every few seconds and loud thunder rumbled across the sky almost continuously, and when combined with the wind, the sound of the rain pelting against his windows was actually pretty fucking loud. 

He maybe should have been concerned with how severe it was getting, but he hadn’t been that worried about it before, and now he had an e-mail from Erwin to read. That was all he was concerned about in that moment, and so while ignoring the fact that hail had abruptly started hitting his roof, he unlocked his phone and opened the message, swallowing in an attempt to stop his heart from hammering out of his chest. 

_ Hi Mr. Ackerman. _ It read, in Erwin’s usual overly polite way.  _ I just wanted to tell you I had a nice time today, and to thank you for the lunch. Have a good night.  _

It was only three short sentences, but after he’d taken them in Levi couldn’t help but practically collapse onto his bed, staring at his phone screen so that his eyes could scan through the e-mail over and over again. His face grew pink and his heart got all fluttery behind his ribs while he did so, and by the time he’d digested it completely he felt warm and his lips had even curved up into a small smile. After everything that had happened he just couldn’t help it, not when — despite being simple and straightforward — the message was just so nice and came with the implication that Erwin  _ liked  _ spending time with Levi, anyway, and not when just the fact that he’d been thoughtful enough to send it because he wanted Levi to know made him feel so good, either. 

Because of that, after his fucking butterflies had gone away, he immediately knew that he wanted to respond, as he felt exactly the same way as Erwin and he, too, wanted him to know — especially in light of his increased suspicions about Erwin’s feelings. However, the fact that the e-mail had been sent two hours ago made him unsure if he should, because after all, it was late and what if Erwin was already in bed?

He didn't want to wake him up if he was, but he didn't want him to think the worst because he hadn't responded, either. How did he even know he was already asleep, though? He hadn't said he was going, and for all Levi knew he was up watching shitty reality TV just like he'd been. If he was, Levi thought, maybe he’d reply back and they could chat for a minute, and if he wasn’t, then...well, the worst thing that might happen was Erwin being awake for a few minutes before passing back out again. 

That wasn’t too big of a deal, right? Levi didn’t think so, and anyway, it was the possibility of getting to talk to him that made him decide to respond, the thought of it and of what Erwin might say to him apparently just too tempting now for him to pass up. 

_ Fuck it _ , he thought, sitting back up so he could focus on typing. 

_ me too.  _ He immediately started his response with.  _ i had fun, erwin. thanks for helping me.  _

Once he was done, Levi reread his short message carefully and then hit send, getting up to go brush his teeth and trying not to get too hopeful about Erwin sending him something back. At this hour, the chances of that were probably slim, but he couldn’t help keeping an ear out for any notification sounds anyway, straining to listen over the noises of the still worsening storm outside. He should probably check the weather again, he thought, at least before he went to sleep, and decided to pull it up once he was finished in the bathroom and had gotten into bed to make sure he wasn’t going to be washed away in a fucking flood or something. 

Before he could, however, he miraculously heard the sound of an e-mail coming in from the other room, his stomach flipping so hard that it was almost jarring as he spit out his mouthwash and hurriedly washed his hands. His heart pounded excitedly while he finished up and he forgot about the storm again, instead striding towards his bed so fast from the bathroom a moment later that he almost stumbled before he could reach it. 

Once he did, however, he immediately grabbed his phone, feeling warm all over again when he saw that the message was, in fact, from Erwin — not that he’d been doubting it this time or anything, though — and went to open it as fast as he could, wondering what he might have said in return after Levi had responded to him. He stared at the screen while the e-mail loaded and waited, unfortunately finding himself interrupted before he could read it, his attention diverted suddenly when he was startled by a bright flash of light and a loud crack, and then the shocking, heart-stopping sounds of a tree falling over and collapsing with a crash into his backyard. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soon.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just imagining all that was going to have to go into cleaning up the tree was overwhelming and threatening to make Levi restless with anxiety, but thankfully, there was one thing he now had that was keeping him from completely losing his shit. It was the fact that there was someone out there he trusted, he knew, that there was a person who knew what they were doing and might be able to help, and who would save him some worry: Erwin.

After the cacophony of sound that had just echoed through Levi’s home, the seconds after the tree landed seemed deafeningly quiet — even with the rain and rumbling thunder still going on outside. It was noisy, sure, but it was nothing in comparison to the loud shit that he’d just heard, and all he could do for a moment was stand there, staring in the direction of his dark window with wide eyes, a pounding heart, and a panicky, breathless feeling from the adrenaline rush that had just hit him. The sharp crack and the noises of wood splintering had startled him badly enough to cause it, as had the one terrifying, brief second after the tree had started falling where he’d thought he’d been going to fucking die. 

It was because for all he’d known the damned thing had been about to land on his house and kill him in his bedroom, but when he didn’t end up crushed and heard it slamming into the ground outside instead, he realized that it had just fallen down somewhere in his backyard. He was thankful for that, of course, but only for half a minute before he was swearing, feeling near-panicked because what the fuck? What had just happened? Obviously, a tree had been struck by lightning and fallen, but shit, just where exactly in his yard had it landed? And what tree was it, for that matter? Was anything out there damaged?

Unfortunately, as big and as covered with trees his property was, Levi could think of very few areas where one coming down  _ wouldn’t  _ hurt anything — especially if it was one of the taller types outside his fence. There were several of those, in fact, and once the initial scare he’d received had passed and he was no longer frozen in place, Levi felt compelled to find out, tossing his phone down onto the bed and walking towards his window so that he could peek through the blinds in an effort to try and glimpse something outside. 

Of course, though, the storm and the fact that it was past midnight meant he couldn’t see much, as the dark and the pouring rain only allowed him to make out a large, dark shape below him. It was obviously the tree, but he couldn’t tell if anything was damaged or not except for in the brief seconds when lightning would suddenly light up the sky. Every time it did it illuminated his backyard in a brief, bright flash, but really, when  _ that  _ happened, Levi’s eyes always just focused on the fallen plant, on the jagged edges of branches sticking up here and there and on the violent whipping of leaves back and forth in the howling wind. It looked creepy like that, he thought, but even more terrifying was the sudden realization that part of the fucking thing had actually landed in his pool, the image of it sticking up out of the water appearing to him after another particularly long, radiant flicker of light.

“Shit.” He ground out to himself when he glimpsed it, finding himself whirling around and hurrying downstairs to dig his raincoat out of a closet almost immediately.  _ “Shit.” _

He went into the garage to grab the biggest flashlight he owned, too, as all he could think about suddenly was getting confirmation on just how badly his pool was probably ruined now. He hoped he was mistaken and had just been seeing things, but he doubted it, and he felt his heart racing as he turned on all of his outside lights to brighten up his backyard, switched off his security alarm, and unlocked the door so that he could step out onto the porch in an attempt to get as close to whatever damage there was as he could. As soon as he did so he was practically soaked by the wind and rain, but after the first second where it hit him he barely noticed it — especially once he turned his flashlight towards the tree and the pool and he realized he  _ had  _ been right: half of the fucking thing had landed and sunk into the water.

There was an entire section of branches half submerged into it, in fact, the thickest part of it broken off from the main trunk and leaning against the edge of the swimming area. Around and above it the concrete was damaged — or at least, the parts of it that Levi could see were — cracked and crumbling and broken in places just like the tiles that had once decorated the inside wall of his pool. Half of those were missing and probably rested at the bottom of it, and as if all of  _ that  _ wasn’t bad enough, there was still more. 

Shining his light on his fence, Levi could see that it was destroyed in the place where the tree had crashed down, half collapsed in the surrounding areas and broken up, all because the one that had fallen had  _ of course _ stood on the other side of it. It was still on his property but on the outside of his backyard area, and just as he had feared, it  _ was  _ one of the bigger ones that he owned. Naturally, it had collapsed in the direction where all of his shit lay too instead of falling the other way where it would have landed on just grass, not only fucking up his pool and his fence but probably some of his other plants too. He couldn’t see much of that right then because of the mass of wood and foliage that lay on top of it, but he had to assume that the grass was ripped and torn, along with several flowerbeds and bushes that all lay near that section of his yard also.

All in all, it wasn’t good, and the only consolation he could find was that his house appeared to have made it out unscathed. He couldn’t see any damage to it except for some random sticks and shit that hung off the roof, but the tree had landed far enough away to where it was impossible for it to have hurt anything there. Besides, he thought, he would have felt it inside and heard it if it had, and with the mess in his yard, he was grateful that he at least wouldn’t have to fucking deal with anything like too. That would have just made all his problems ten times worse, because even  _ if  _ his house was alright, in the end his backyard couldn’t be considered anything less than a disaster zone.

Looking at it, he couldn’t help but feel a gut-churning, angry and anxious exasperation course through him as he continued to everything in, his mind unable to focus on his unharmed house and instead starting to race while he stood there in the rain. Just what all was it going to take to get this shit cleaned up, he wondered? 

He already knew it would be difficult, time consuming, expensive,  _ and  _ a pain in the ass in general, but why the fuck had this even happened in the first place? He’d known the storm going on was pretty bad, but it wasn’t like it had been a hurricane or some shit. In all actuality thunderstorms like this weren’t unusual for the region that he lived in during the summer, and he was pretty sure he’d experienced ones with worse wind and rain than he’d just seen since he’d built his house and moved in. Regardless, though, that wasn’t even the main cause of this shit. If it had been he might not have been so frustrated and pissed off, but unfortunately, more than anything else, the thing that was to blame was the fucking lightning strike.

_ It  _ had been what made his tree coming down, and  _ it  _ had resulted in all of this massive damage. The fact that it had hit one on his property rather than on someone else’s just made him a disgustingly unlucky bastard, though, and it was that which had Levi feeling so vexed and helpless.

Should he really be surprised, though? Didn’t he already know he lacked any real luck? Yes, he thought bitterly, he did, as  _ of course _ this had happened to him, and  _ of course _ it had been the biggest tree in his entire yard, too. What the fuck was he supposed to do? How did he clean this up? What did he even start with? Should he deal with the pool first, or the fence, and did he need to hire someone? 

Questions like that whirled through his mind while he turned off his flashlight and slogged back inside, too worked up and full of indignation to worry about how he was dripping all over his hardwood when he walked in. Instead of that he just pulled his raincoat off and slung it onto the floor irritably, grinding his teeth and trying not to panic because  _ yes _ , he knew, he was more than likely going to have to hire a bunch of strangers to come onto his property to fix this. 

Unfortunately, just thinking about that made his palms sweaty and his heart start pounding, because he fucking hated when he had to do that kind of shit. He hated talking to random people and he hated workers that he didn’t know doing repairs to his home, as he was always worried that they would mess something up, not fix it properly, or overcharge him. How much would everything even cost in the first place, for that matter? Would he have to pay for labor  _ and  _ supplies? 

Probably, he thought, but before he could even think about doing anything like that he was going to have to get the tree removed. He knew that much, and he also knew that just doing so in the first place would likely be expensive as hell and require lots of help — none of that, of course, including what it would take to eventually redo the landscaping in his yard, repair his fence, and fix his pool. Just imagining all that was going to have to go into it was overwhelming and threatening to make him restless with anxiety, but thankfully, there was one thing he now had that was keeping him from completely losing his shit. It was the fact that there  _ was  _ someone out there he trusted, he knew, that there  _ was  _ a person who knew what they were doing and might be able to help, and who would save him some worry: Erwin. 

Erwin, who he’d just started talking to when the tree had been struck by lightning, because it was just his luck that he’d get interrupted when something potentially good was happening to him too. It seemed to be par the course with everything else that had happened that day to hinder him in his desire to just talk with Erwin _alone_ , and he wondered if he was ever going to get a chance to fucking do so without something going wrong and ruining it again.

_ For fuck’s sake, _ he thought. He hadn’t even gotten to read his e-mail before he’d heard the loud crack and practically jumped out of his skin, and he’d been forced to check it out and become completely distracted ever since then. Not that he’d forgotten he had an unopened message from Erwin or anything — he’d just been preoccupied, that was all — but now that he was inside again and everything was starting to sink in, all he wanted to do was go back upstairs, crawl into his bed with his phone, and pretend this mess hadn’t even happened. With any amount of luck Erwin wouldn’t have gone to sleep yet or gotten annoyed because Levi had stopped responding to his messages, and while muttering an aggravated ‘fuck it’ under his breath, Levi decided that he was going to leave all of this shit until the morning and just go to his room to check.

It wasn’t like there was anything else he could do outside until the next day anyway — unless he wanted to research tree removal services online at 1:30 in the morning, which he did not — and so after putting his flashlight away and deciding he’d clean his raincoat up later, he grabbed a towel to run over his wet hair instead and headed back upstairs, climbing into his big bed and rolling right into the middle of it to get comfortable. Pulling the blankets up to his chin next, he snatched his phone, hurriedly unlocking it and lying back so that he could return to what he’d been so excited about doing thirty minutes ago: reading Erwin’s e-mail.

_ We should do it again sometime. _ Levi saw, once the message was finally in front of his face.  _ If you’re up for it, anyway, or if there’s something else you want to plant. Tomatoes aren’t  _ that  _ hard to grow, you know. _

Erwin was talking about gardening with him, of course, as that was what they’d been discussing before Levi had been interrupted. His words were nice and promising and should have made him feel warm and excited, but at that point, all it did was just add to his frustration. Obviously it wasn’t because of anything Erwin had done, but rather because of the fucking tree, and because Erwin had sent him that over half an hour ago and Levi hadn’t responded. He had a good excuse, yeah, but it was still irritating, and he wished he could have just answered right away while Erwin was clearly near his phone or his computer, or whatever the fuck it was that he used to communicate with him. 

Now who knew if he would reply again that night, as it was even later than before and he could have gotten discouraged because of Levi’s lack of an answer. Either way, though, he wasn’t going to go to sleep himself without replying to Erwin’s message in some way, because him interpreting Levi’s silence as anything negative in the least was the absolute last thing that he wanted to happen — especially when, of course, he certainly  _ was  _ up for gardening with him again without question.

_ i’m up for it. _ He sent back, biting his lip and wondering what Erwin's proposition meant for his chances of getting a ‘yes’ when he asked him to dinner. Probably nothing bad, as it was obvious that Erwin wanted to see him again. By then Levi wasn’t doubting it, because this time he’d brought it up himself when he didn’t have to. It was a good thing, but the real question, he thought, was  _ why  _ did he want to spend time with him again? That was what he hoped to find out for sure by cooking for him, of course, something that, if everything went right, would happen in less than two days. That was before this potential new gardening session that Erwin apparently wanted to do, but still, that didn’t mean Levi couldn’t look forward to that either.  _ i want to. sorry i didn’t answer until now, a fucking tree fell down in my backyard. _

He added the last part to his message just in case Erwin was perturbed by his long period of silence, and then scowled at the memory of the stupid lightning strike all over again. Setting his phone aside, he sighed in irritation and a renewed sense of stress, trying to settle down into his pillow and forget about it almost as fast as it had hit him. He’d much rather think about Erwin’s response instead, but for some reason, at that point he had a feeling that he wasn’t going to get another message until morning. 

Perhaps it was just his general mood making him think more negatively, or perhaps it was just that it was nearing 2:00 in the morning. Regardless of what it was he was almost sure that Erwin had already gone to sleep though, and with each minute that passed in silence he became more and more confident that he was right. Fortunately or unfortunately, he was not sure which, rather than becoming disappointed this time he just felt a bit numb — probably because he was so tired, or because he’d finally reached his limit of dealing with that particular emotion that day —  and only wanted to get some rest. It was late and he was actually looking forward to escaping into thoughtlessness, and so with all of that in mind, he switched the lamp by his bed off and closed his eyes, letting himself drift off into sleep and hoping that at the very least, he would have another new message from Erwin waiting for him in the morning. 

Wonderfully enough, he did, and it was the first thing that Levi saw when his alarm went off at 9 and he opened his eyes. Immediately, the sight of it ceased any grumbling and groaning he might have let out at being woken up so abruptly, and he found himself regaining consciousness and becoming alert faster than he might have ever had before, sitting up in bed and opening his e-mail almost right away once he saw that he had a notification. 

_ Oh no. _ It said, obviously referring to the downed tree.  _ Are you alright? Was it from the storm? _

_ yeah.  _ Levi sent back quickly, feeling his chest swell at how Erwin had asked him right away if he was okay before he’d said anything else. 

Even if he was just being polite it made him happy, and as he rubbed at his eyes and yawned, he realized that he felt a lot less cross and exasperated by everything that had happened the night before. Sleeping had helped and now so had Erwin, as waking up to a message like that did a lot to cheer him up. Idly, he hoped that it was a sign his day wouldn’t be complete shit even with the disaster lying in his backyard, and he forced himself to get out of bed, thinking that he should probably get up to see what he had to deal with for sure now that it was finally past dawn.

Unfortunately, what he saw was enough to partially deflate his decent mood, as the fallen tree looked about ten times worse in the light than it had in the darkness. Now that the sun was out — well, out behind clouds, as even though it had stopped raining it was still wet and dreary and overcast — he could see everything, including how far the mess extended on the other side from where the thing had dropped a branch into his pool, too.

It was that which made him frown more than the damage to his swimming area this time, as he realized he’d been right. The tree had crushed a large flowerbed and a few bushes too, and beneath the mass of brown wood and green leaves, Levi could see more brown and green from his grass — dirt that confirmed a lot of it had been torn up and ripped out like he’d suspected the night before. He’d already prepared himself for that, though, but what he  _ hadn’t  _ been ready for was the sight of the entire left side of his fence leaning over in addition to it being broken in places. The whole thing had apparently been fucked up from the force of the tree hitting it instead of just near the impact zone like he’d thought, and as he stared at it, he had a sinking feeling that he was going to have to replace  _ all  _ of it and not just a few planks of wood here and there where they had fallen off. 

All in all, it just made the mess seem that much worse, as did the plethora of splintered, jagged pieces of destroyed carpentry lying around, along with the handfuls of broken sticks and patches of greenery blown around his yard too. It really did look like a fucking hurricane or something had hit, he thought — especially with the fucking huge branch sunk down to the bottom of his pool and sticking out of the water — and again, the thought of how big of a job it was going to be to clean all everything up made him feel anxious. 

Had he not heard his phone go off, he probably would have stood there fretting for who the fuck knew how long, in fact, growing more and more tense and completely ruining his good mood and the entire rest of his day. Fortunately, though, the sound that indicated he had another e-mail reached his ears, and even better than that was, of course, the fact that it was Erwin who had messaged him. 

_I’m glad you’re alright. Did it damage anything?_ He asked Levi, a question which, after a quick debate, he simply sent a picture of his fucked up backyard in response to. _Wow._ _I was hoping it wasn’t that tree. It’s the biggest one on your property._

_ shit, don’t remind me.  _ Levi sent back, a frown etched onto his face because  _ of course _ Erwin would know what tree it was. 

He worked in his yard and took care of every type of plant there almost everyday, in fact, because that was his job, and all of a sudden Levi not only felt frustrated because of the damage, but guilty too, because Erwin did such good work and labored hard, and the shitty tree had crushed portions of his beautifully well-kept lawn, flowerbeds, and bushes. Even if Erwin couldn’t help with anything else he was still going to have to deal with that, Levi thought, and although he  _ did  _ want his assistance, he hoped it wasn’t going to end up being too much extra work for him. 

_ I’m sorry. At least we moved the herbs inside and into your kitchen after we were done potting them. They probably would have gotten smashed if we hadn’t.  _ Erwin said, which Levi had already pondered and was grateful for too.

_ yeah, i know.  _ He told Erwin, agreeing with him but still so frustrated that he continued on before he could even stop himself.  _ but it ruined a lot of other shit. the fence is fucked and so is a lot of the pool, and the other plants and chunks of the grass you take care of. it ripped up parts of it and i don’t even know what it looks like where the stump came up out of the ground. i dunno how to even start dealing with it or what to do. _

_ Well, the first thing we have to do is get the tree cut up and out of the way, and I can help with that. Everything else depends on how bad it is. I can take a look at all of it tomorrow and let you know. Is that alright?  _

Blinking at Erwin’s response, Levi bit his lip too, taken aback for a moment at how he’d said ‘we’ as if he’d already decided to help him before he’d proposed doing so, eagerly offering his assistance before Levi could even ask himself. It was nice and kind — predictable of Erwin at that point, though — and although he  _ wanted  _ to immediately accept because having Erwin there would make him feel more calm, he hesitated. How much extra work would that be for him, exactly? Did Erwin feel like he  _ had  _ to help him? 

_ you don’t have to.  _ Levi said with that thought, because he didn’t want him to think that he was required to do it — especially when it was likely going to be a huge pain in the ass for everyone involved. 

_ I know. But I don’t mind. :-) _

_ it’s not your job, though. _

_ You’re right, and it’s certainly possible that all I’ll be able to help with is the plants and the tree. But I know of people who can probably help with the other damage, and who would probably give you good rates for their services, too.  _

_people?_ Levi said, now frowning all over again because of the prospect of strangers. His thoughts about how much he didn’t want to do that hadn’t changed since the night before, but unfortunately, by then, he had accepted that there was nothing he could do about it and that it was probably inevitable. _what people?_ _who are they? do they know how to fix fences and pools?_

_ Yes. They have experience doing those things. And they’re trustworthy, I promise. If they have to come I’ll make sure to be there to supervise, if you want. If you don’t, though, that’s okay too. You can hire whoever you’d like, but I just wanted to offer my help if you need it.  _ Erwin said, somehow seeming to pick up on Levi’s anxiousness even over e-mail. 

He sounded reassuring, but also a bit apologetic, and it made Levi’s frown grow that much deeper, as he certainly didn’t want Erwin to think he  _ wouldn’t  _ want his help. That wasn’t true at all, of course, he just didn’t want to make him do more work. But hadn’t he thought the same kind of shit when Erwin had offered to assist him with the herbs? He had, and his doubts about whether or not Erwin had actually wanted to had been proven wrong several times over by the time they had finished. Was this the same type of thing? Maybe in some ways, he thought, but overall, the scale of what Erwin was offering was a lot bigger and more complicated than just helping him pot some small plants. This involved a giant tree and a plethora of damaged shit in his yard, and was going to probably require a lot more physical effort and time too no matter how many people he hired. 

Still, though, would Erwin have offered if he didn’t want to? If he liked him in the way that Levi hoped then he probably  _ did  _ want to, but he didn’t know that for sure, not yet. However, regardless of that, Levi had made it clear that Erwin could decline if he felt like it, and even after that he still seemed willing. Would it really be so bad to accept his help?

_no._ He sent back to Erwin, deciding that it wasn’t, and that either way, he was going to give Erwin a huge ass raise for assisting him. It would make him feel better if he was at least paying him more for his time, and he had no doubt that Erwin would be exceedingly grateful for extra money anyway.  _ i want your help. i don’t like people i don’t trust over here. _

_ You trust me? That’s nice to hear.  _ Erwin sent back almost instantaneously, his words causing Levi to blush just as fast.

He hadn’t exactly said that — not that it wasn’t true or anything, though — but of course, Erwin had picked up on the implications behind his message, responding in a manner that was certainly teasing. In fact, Levi could almost picture the small smile that he sometimes wore when saying such things, and it was at that moment that Levi remembered it wasn’t actually  _ just  _ teasing. It was flirting, and Hange had assured him the day before that it was what they were both doing, and now that it was actually happening in front of him, Levi thought, it really did seem pretty fucking obvious. 

_ yeah.  _ Levi responded once he realized it, feeling bolstered by the idea that he must not have been as awful at shit like this as he’d thought, and excited at the prospect of Erwin flirting with him right then.  _ i told you before, didn’t i? my last gardener was an idiot asshole, and you’re not.  _

_ Haha. I remember. That was when you said you liked talking to me too. _

At that, the heat on Levi’s cheeks just grew warmer, because yes, he had said that. Or at least, he had agreed and responded with ‘me too’ when Erwin had told him that same thing, somehow managing to spit that out while he’d been about to shit his pants. He remembered the entire exchange just as clearly as he did every single other one they’d had, and he knew that day had been the first time he’d invited Erwin inside his house. He’d been so nervous at the time that he’d thought he was going to throw up, and had struggled the entire visit with his fear of saying the wrong thing or getting too flustered and accidentally acting like an asshole. 

Somehow, though, he hadn’t, and thinking about it, it was actually pretty astounding how far he’d come since then in regards to interacting with Erwin, as although he still did get nervous sometimes, it didn’t affect what he said and he was able to socialize with him much more naturally. It was a good thing, and the memory of it — along with what Erwin was saying to him now too, of course — cheered him up a bit more from his vexation because of the tree, and he found himself feeling more and more confident too and unable to stop himself from...well, from continuing to flirt back.

_ you said the same thing. i guess if you’re still here it means you meant it, right? _

_ Of course. I meant every word.  _

_ is that why you held my hands? _

_ Yes. I suppose you could say that, Mr. Ackerman. _

“Fuck.” Levi breathed out loud then, staring with wide eyes and a pounding heart at Erwin’s response to his brazen question. 

He hadn’t been able to help himself and had said it with barely any thought, somehow managing to blurt out what he’d been too fucking terrified to ask the day before. It was what he’d wanted to know the most after everything that had happened, and the memory of spending nearly every other minute hoping he would find out before Erwin had to leave was certainly still fresh in his mind. Even after speaking with Hange and hearing exactly what he’d wanted to he still wondered what the fuck Erwin had been thinking, and although he’d tried to tell himself to wait and try to get some answers at dinner, apparently his impatience and sudden surge of confidence had thrown that plan right out the window.

Not that it mattered, though, because Erwin hadn’t reacted in a bad way. On the contrary, he’d responded amicably, but even so, what the fuck did his answer even mean? It was vague and still teasing — which, of course, meant that it was obviously flirtatious — but did all of this confirm Levi’s suspicions and fulfill his hopes? Assuming that much was probably not wise, he thought, but Erwin hadn’t said anything else, either. He hadn’t told Levi that touching him was a mistake or that he hadn’t meant anything by it, and had instead basically informed him that he’d held his hands like that because he enjoyed talking to him. 

In what way, though? Did he mean a friendly manner, or otherwise? That was still the main question, but the fact that Erwin had not said one way or the other — his ‘I suppose you could say that’ implying there was more to it that he wasn’t telling him too, Levi realized — seemed to hint that it was the less friendly and more romantic option, almost as much as if Erwin had just flat out said that shit to him in the first place. 

It was enough to make him feel warm and lighthearted again, and for him to wish that Erwin was there so that they could be discussing this in person rather than over e-mail. That way he’d be able to see his expression and hear how he spoke to him, and he’d be able to go ahead and ask Erwin if he’d like to eat with him, too. He wanted to do it right then, he thought, and badly, half-ready to type in the question and send it to Erwin while they were already in the midst of a pleasant, teasingly coy conversation. 

It was a good opportunity and he wasn’t actually filled with nerves at the moment, but...well, no matter how much he wanted to go ahead and try — and no matter how much he wanted to get it over with and know one way or the other, too — he held back. He needed to do it in person, he reminded himself, so that he could watch Erwin while he responded, and so he could try his best to not get the wrong impression about whatever it was that he might answer him with. Also, he thought, it seemed more proper that way and more serious, and not like he was treating it like it was some casual question that he could just ask Erwin whenever he wanted over the internet.

Considering it that way probably made Levi an old fart, but whatever. He didn’t care, and because of that, he was just going to have to wait until the next day to ask Erwin, he told himself, hoping that he would get another good opportunity to do it so that he wouldn’t have to voice the question out of the blue. It would be less nerve-wracking if that happened, he thought, but either way, he was determined right then to end up doing it no matter what. 

_ alright.  _ Levi decided to just say in response to Erwin’s comment, apparently unable to stop flirting with him, though, despite the fact that he wasn’t going to go ahead and ask him to dinner.  _ i suppose you could say that’s why i didn’t mind it then either. _

_ Because you like talking to me? _ Erwin asked, the question somehow coming across as hopeful and sincere, even over e-mail.

_ yeah, i like talking to you. and i like when you come over. if i didn’t, you’d know. believe me.  _ Levi replied, feeling a sudden surge of gratefulness swell in his chest at that, a sensation that had him thinking for not the first time that he was glad he’d met Erwin and become friends with him no matter what was going to end up happening. He’d already changed his life in several ways for the better, and this time, instead of keeping it to himself for once, he decided to tell him.  _ thanks. _

_ For what? _

_ for being my gardener, and offering to help with the tree. and talking to me and shit too, you know. i didn’t think you’d want to be my friend after i was such an asshole to you at first.   _

_ You don’t have to thank me. I don’t have anyone here either, remember? _

_ right.  _ Levi said, remembering how Erwin had explained to him he was new to this town and didn’t know many people.  _ but i’m sure you could find someone else to hang out with if you wanted to. _

_ I don’t want to, though. _

_ oh. well good. i don’t want you to either. i’d rather you come over more. _

_ Alright, I will. I’d like that too. _

If Levi had not sat back down onto his bed, he probably would have fallen against it anyway after that particular exchange. He hadn’t meant to say all of that — he hadn’t meant to say  _ any  _ of the bold things he’d sent to him before that, either — and he wasn’t sure where all of it was coming from. A few weeks ago he would’ve been too nervous to speak to Erwin like that, too embarrassed and self-conscious to admit out loud that he liked having him as a friend, much less anything else. Now, not only was Levi telling him that he enjoyed spending time with him and didn’t want it to stop, but he was also hinting at his deeper feelings, knowingly flirting with Erwin in a way that insinuated there was much more behind what he was telling him than the obvious. 

The fact that Erwin was doing it too made it even better — and was probably a big part of what had fucking enabled him also — as were the things he was just saying to Levi in general. He liked having Levi as a friend, he thought. He liked being around him, and he wanted to do it more often, and he didn’t want to replace him with anyone else. Those were all things that made him feel warm and happy, and by then he was sure enough of Erwin’s sincerity that he didn’t even doubt it — at least in regards to his friendly feelings, anyway. He suspected there was more than that by then, yes, but he couldn’t be sure until he heard something spelling it out to him for certain with his own ears. 

Hopefully he thought, for was was probably the thousandth time so far that morning, he would get to hear it tomorrow, but until then, though, he reminded himself again that he was just going to have to wait. 

Thinking that it was probably about time he stopped wasting his morning and started cleaning anyway, he sighed, knowing that he could probably spend his entire day chatting with Erwin over e-mail if he really wanted to. He did want to, actually, but he couldn’t, as he had a lot of chores to catch up on and a grocery delivery to deal with later too. He’d already dawdled enough that morning to put him even farther behind on his shit anyway, and besides, if Erwin was going to be spending time inside his house the next day, he obviously needed to make sure that every room he might go into was pristine. 

With that in mind, he told Erwin that he needed to go because he had cleaning to do, finding that his cheeks warmed a bit when he re-read all the messages he’d sent him before — especially the one where he’d thanked him. Speaking candidly like that was something that he didn’t often do, but he’d meant it, and as much as it sometimes made him flustered he had wanted Erwin to know. He  _ deserved  _ to know, Levi thought, and besides, it had probably made him smile too — something that made it hard for him to resist doing anything if  _ that  _ was going to be the outcome. 

Putting away his phone after Erwin had said goodbye, Levi went to get started on his chores, avoiding looking out his back windows while he did them and admittedly hurrying through it all as fast as he could. He did so with the hopes that he’d have some free time afterward to do something else, but unfortunately, with the grocery delivery and the hour it took to put everything away, he didn’t really, not with all that he had to catch up on and the extra attention he ended up giving to his kitchen and dining room in anticipation of Erwin eating there the next evening.

Doing so made him picture it more than he probably should’ve, causing him to imagine Erwin sitting at his table with Levi across from him, smiling while he ate whatever it was that Levi had prepared for them to eat. That, of course, made him wonder just what it was that he  _ should  _ cook if Erwin accepted his invitation, unable to stop himself from thinking about all of the potential possibilities while he scrubbed and swept and got the dust out of his curtains. He couldn’t help it, and he couldn’t help the excitement that coursed through him while he imagined all of the work that he was going to do in the kitchen either, preparing ingredients, mixing them together, and plating everything perfectly onto a plate when he was done to serve to Erwin in the other room.

He knew he was getting ahead of himself by contemplating all of that shit — something that he’d had to tell himself repeatedly all day not to do — but he just couldn’t stop, reasoning to himself that in this case, just for this one thing, it surely wouldn’t be a bad to have an idea of what his dish was going to be so that he could be prepared, right? It was hard to argue with that logic when he felt so much hope and so much anticipation for the next day, and when he was just excited to have the potential opportunity to  _ cook  _ for someone else, too. He never had for anyone except for the kids since he’d gotten good at it, and he was eager to share what he could do, to craft a full, made-from-scratch gourmet meal for someone who he knew without a doubt would appreciate it. 

Erwin was the type of person that would, Levi knew, and the fact that he would be making it for him — and for him on a date, too — just caused him to hope for it more, knowing that if Erwin said yes then there wouldn’t be anything in the world that’d be able to ruin his evening. It would be fucking perfect, Levi thought, because he’d make  _ sure  _ it was fucking perfect, and by the time he was done cleaning he thought he had a good idea of just what it was that he was going to cook. It involved not just a main dish, but handcrafted cocktails, an appetizer, several sides, and a dessert too, because if he was going to do this he wasn’t going to skimp out. No, he thought, he was going to use all of his skills to make Erwin a delicious, three course meal, putting everything he had into it and hopefully showing him how he felt even if they ended up not talking about it.

Whether or not that was going to happen, Levi didn’t yet know, but if Erwin did agree to eat with him on a date inside his house, then...well, then it would be a lot more obvious that there was something more to their relationship than just friendship. The realization would be out in the open and neither one of them would be able to deny it or hide behind flirtatious comments that might be passed as teasing, and he didn’t think there would be a point in keeping everything inside if it was clear to each of them that the other knew. 

However, admitting feelings was always easier said than done, and he knew that applied to him more than it probably did to anyone else — especially Erwin. Still, though, he climbed into bed that night with a  _ ‘Goodnight, Mr. Ackerman.’ _ message from him that had come out of the blue, making him feel a warm flush and a buoyant hope that stood out over the slowly growing nervousness inside his belly. The butterflies were strong but his positivity, for once in his fucking life, was stronger, and as he closed his eyes, he found it hard to imagine that Erwin was going to say no. In fact, he realized, he could even see it happening the other way in his head while he drifted off, his mind supplying him with dreamlike images of himself asking Erwin out while he stood there beaming in front of him.

_ Yes.  _ He was saying in response to Levi’s question, a wide, bright, dimpling smile on his face that made his heart skip a beat. _ I’d love to eat dinner with you, Levi. _


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ask him, ask him." Levi thought, while his mouth fell open in preparation for him to blurt the question out.

The next morning, Levi was up and about before his alarm had even gone off. He’d awoken around 8:15 on his own and hadn’t been able to go back to sleep — because of the nerves and the anticipation churning in his belly, of course — and after tossing and turning for a few moments, he had decided to go ahead and get out of bed so he wouldn't just lie there and  _ think _ . 

At that point, he knew, doing so would likely just lead to  _ fretting _ and  _ anxiety _ , and he was probably going to have to deal with enough of that shit as it was once Erwin got there. It was because of what he planned on asking him, obviously, but it seemed that the closer the time came to him doing it, the more and more nervous he got. Even while showering, shaving, and giving his hair a much needed trim, he couldn't get distracted enough to forget about it completely, the doubts sitting in the back of his mind the entire time he did anything. They’d been there all along, of course, but they were getting harder to push back, and while preparing himself he couldn’t help but think about how many fucking ways everything could possibly go wrong, either. 

His worst fear was something that was, of course, completely familiar to him by then: that Erwin would get creeped out or offended by his question, and that it would ruin their friendship and make things weird. Other than that, the only other thing he supposed he was really concerned about was getting a response that might make him feel like shit, but was that really likely? He didn’t think so, not deep down. By then he knew that Erwin was a nice person and cared about him in some way, and the rational part of Levi’s mind couldn’t see him responding rudely or saying anything that would hurt his feelings — even  _ if  _ he refused, and even  _ if  _ he was weirded out.

Still, though, even if he let him down gently it could still damage what they had together — an established, mutually beneficial companionship, one that Levi truly enjoyed even if he wanted more — and the thought of that was awful, because if Erwin went away, he knew, he would be by himself again. He wouldn’t have anyone and his loneliness would return, and all of the progress he’d made in the beginning to get himself out of the hole he’d unwittingly found himself in would likely dissipate. He’d end up right back at square one, he thought, and thinking about it, after all of the other shit that had happened before in his life that led to him getting that low in the first place, he wasn’t sure how he would handle experiencing another loss like that. 

It was heart-wrenching to even just think about, and if he was being honest, not only did he doubt his ability to deal with something like that again, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to recover either, much less enough to get back to where he’d managed to find himself now. He may have been taking baby steps to get back to normal, but he was still taking steps in the first place, he thought, and considering it like that made him realize just how much of a risk he truly was going to take. It was huge, actually, or at least it felt that way to him, as in the end, Erwin refusing his offer of dinner wasn’t even the worst possible thing that could happen before it was all over with. 

Was it worth it? He wondered, while he was brushing his teeth and staring at himself in the mirror. Somberly weighing his choices, he first thought about what would happen if he asked Erwin on a date and he said no. If that was his answer, then Levi revealing that he had romantic intentions when Erwin did not could potentially ruin their friendship. Even if he asked him and he said yes, though, that could still end up happening too, as having one dinner didn’t automatically mean any relationship they might end up in would work out either. They could break up or realize early on that it wasn’t going to work, and as most things like that often ended awkwardly or with someone hurt, it was certainly possible that he could still find himself without Erwin in his life. It seemed that the only surefire way to make sure he remained — or at least, the way that would probably guarantee that more than anything else — would be to do nothing at all, which was a pretty convincing argument for him  _ not  _ to ask when he considered most of the possible outcomes. 

He knew that wasn’t all of them, though. There was still one more thing that could happen, one more potential result from his actions that would be  _ good _ , and that filled him with so much hopefulness and longing when he thought about it that in the end, he knew he didn’t want to change his plans. It was, of course, the knowledge that if things  _ did  _ go well and Erwin agreed to eat with him, then instead of whatever they became after that ending in disaster they could actually end up in a long-term, healthy relationship with someone he cared about and that cared about him, too. 

He could even find himself in love, he mused — something that Levi had never even experienced before — and it was that thought that made him feel like the risk was worth it. After all, they weren’t automatically guaranteed to end up not working out or to find themselves no longer friends like he worried, and if  _ that  _ didn’t happen, then Levi could potentially become more settled and more content than he had ever been in his entire life. He could become happy, he thought, truly and completely and ultimately happy, sure that it would be enough to make him feel that way because whenever he imagined any kind of possible future with Erwin whatsoever, that was almost always the sole emotion that he experienced.

The way it washed over him was always overwhelmingly unmistakable, but it was strange, as he’d never pictured himself as someone who believed he  _ could  _ find satisfaction that way. He’d never been the type to yearn for a romantic relationship either, not at all, but it wasn’t that he just wanted one in general. He didn’t want any other person out there like that; no, he just wanted Erwin, to experience bliss and romance and maybe even love with  _ him _ , and to return every single positive feeling that he had ever given to Levi twofold.  

In simple terms, he wanted to make him happy — almost more than he wanted to be happy himself. Somehow, though, he had a feeling the two could go hand in hand, and that was why he wasn’t going to let his fears get the better of him, not this time. Even if he only had a small chance of this going the way he wanted, he thought, the potential rewards were greater than the risks, and he’d be fucking stupid to let what could be his only chance of acquiring real happiness go down the drain just because he was afraid. 

With that decided, Levi felt strangely calmed again. He was still nervous, sure, as that wasn’t going to disappear no matter what, but he didn’t feel like it was going to completely drown him or get the better of him like it did most times, as although he didn't want to lose Erwin as a friend, of course, he had managed to accept that it was a risk of what he was about to do. If it did end up happening it would be awful and heart-breaking, yeah, but he just didn't know whether or not that would be the outcome. The only thing he  _ was _ sure about was that he wouldn't get anywhere if he did nothing, and that was why he was determined to at least try. If the worst happened than he’d deal with somehow, he thought, deciding that he would just have to fret about finding a way to right himself again when — or if — the time actually came for it.

Reconciling himself with his doubts for a moment, Levi finished getting himself dressed, combing his hair one more time and putting on a light blue button down shirt and dark jeans after a quick debate over what to wear. He wanted to look nice but still casual, he thought, to avoid seeming overdressed, and after rolling his sleeves up and leaving it untucked, it seemed to give off the overall effect he wanted. With that done, he headed downstairs for a cup of tea, making sure to water his herbs in the kitchen and give them fertilizer like Erwin had instructed. 

Doing so was now a part of his morning routine since they'd planted them, and so far they seemed to be doing well. It hadn't been long at all — this was only the second morning — but Levi was still glad to see that they hadn't died yet. He hadn't been exaggerating how bad he was at taking care of plants before and had half expected them to already be suffering, but with watering and feeding them according to Erwin's advice, they appeared to be happy and content, as he might say, at least so far. Maybe he could use them while cooking dinner that night, Levi mused, somehow feeling that doing so would make it extra special and...well, also more delicious.  

That was, he reminded himself,  _ if _ he got to cook dinner anyway, because he still had to ask the question and get a positive answer. Even so, though, he couldn't resist making a few preparations anyway while the water for his tea was heating up, checking that he had all the ingredients for what he wanted to make  _ just in case _ , and getting out his utensils and his food processor so that all the tools he needed were already set up. That way he wouldn’t be rushed or delayed, he thought, by having to get everything out later, which was something that would certainly hinder his ability to get all of the food ready as quickly as possible.

By then, Levi’s teapot was whistling, and he hurried to get himself a cup while remembering that he should probably eat something for breakfast too. He’d been too caught up in everything else to think about it, really, and if he was being honest with himself he wasn’t even that hungry — probably due to the knots and the persistent, mildly sick feeling he’d had in his stomach since he’d woken up. It was because of his nerves, of course, which still persisted even after he’d steeled himself, but although he continued to ignore them for the most part, he decided that even if he could have gone without eating it probably wasn’t a good idea. Still, though, he didn’t want to cook anything because he wanted to keep his kitchen straight for later, and instead just forced some yoghurt, oatmeal, and fruit down his throat so that he wouldn’t get hungry or irritable within a few hours. 

Once he was done with that and had put his dirty dishes into the dishwasher, a quick glance to the clock told him he still had about 45 minutes left before Erwin arrived. Biting his lip, he ignored the jolt in his belly whenever he thought about him getting there — he wouldn’t have the small respite of knowing it wasn’t time yet at that point — and decided to go sit outside, taking his tea with him and his tablet so that he could try and distract himself. Just like earlier, though, he wasn’t really able to, but right then it was mostly because he was suddenly face to face with the disaster in his backyard all over again.

Seeing it for the first time that morning was almost as bad as it had been the day before, and Levi felt a swell of anxiousness when his eyes took in the bulk of the tree lying across his grass. It was so fucking big, he thought, and the damage to his yard, his fence, and his pool was still so overwhelming that he began to get stressed just looking at it. He hated that it had already sat there for almost two days, too, because even if that wasn’t very long, just the thought of it being out there and untouched on top of everything it had damaged was enough to make him feel agitated and tense. He wanted it gone and fixed so that he wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore, and he hoped that the process would begin that day even whether Erwin ended up helping him or not. 

He was already at the point where he’d decided dealing with strangers on his own was worth the anxiety if it meant that he could just get this shit out of there, but he didn’t know if he’d have to do that yet. He didn’t know if he had to do anything, in fact, and thinking about it was making him feel irritable. That was the last thing he wanted that day, and besides, he told himself, Erwin was coming to help. He’d told Levi he didn’t mind and that he’d handle as much as he could, and thankfully, reminding himself of that was enough to stop his fretting — at least over the tree, anyway.

The jumpy feeling in his stomach remained because of what he was planning to ask Erwin, of course, as just because he realized that he should probably focus on that instead of the tree too didn’t mean that it went away. Instead, the butterflies just grew as the clock winded down to the time of his arrival, and it was all Levi could do to sit still while he waited, finding himself feeling jittery and unable to stop tapping his fingers on his patio table or keep his leg from jumping up and down underneath it. The fact that he’d had 4 cups of tea by then probably hadn’t helped either, but he needed something to do so that he wouldn’t just be sitting there. Even if it was only sipping liquid from a cup helped, as it made him feel like his nervous energy was actually going somewhere instead of constantly building inside his chest and making him sweat.

Still though, it seemed to reach a crescendo when he heard Erwin’s car pulling up into his driveway a few minutes early, as his mouth suddenly went dry and his heart started hammering in his chest. He froze, too, and unfortunately found his mind overwhelmed with a resurgence of all the doubts he’d thought he’d shut down that morning, a swell of them causing his breath to catch in his throat with near panic. 

_ What if he says no? _ His fears told him, providing him with enough racing thoughts so that he felt his eyes widen.  _ What if he thinks I’m a fucking creep? What if he just leaves and tells me to fuck off? If he does, he won’t want to be friends anymore. He won’t come back, and I’ll probably never see him again, and _ —

“Good morning, Mr. Ackerman.” Erwin said then, interrupting Levi’s runaway train of thought. 

He'd just entered his backyard and had shouted a greeting at him, and was now waving in his direction while he approached. Immediately, Levi’s mind slowed down and he suddenly felt calmer, as just hearing Erwin's voice had filled him with a deep, sweeping warmth, one that made his heart pound and his stomach flutter for a different reason. Almost as quickly as his anxiety had gotten out of control for a few seconds, it stopped, as seeing Erwin had given him time to remind himself of what he'd decided before: that the risk was worth it, that his stupid apprehension wasn’t a reason to keep him from trying to further his happiness with Erwin. 

The fact that Erwin was smiling at him made him feel better too, as he looked happy to see Levi and even happier when his wave was returned, albeit slowly and a little subdued while Levi swallowed and struggled to keep up with his rapidly changing emotions. Even though he was reeling to get a grasp on everything, though, he was reminded that Erwin wasn't an asshole and  _ did _ like him in some way, and that he wouldn't be rude or hurtful to Levi even if he answered his question with a no. 

“Hey.” Levi forced out when Erwin got closer, surprised that his voice sounded sure and steady when his insides were anything but.  _ Want to eat dinner with me? _

The thought crossed his mind almost immediately, but in that moment, he was still too tense and flustered to spit it out. Also, he thought, this wouldn’t be the best time. He did want to get it over with, but he would catch Erwin off guard if he did so right then, and it would seem weird, and it was probably best to wait until after they’d discussed the shit with the tree anyway. 

“How are you?” Erwin asked then, chuckling a bit when Levi automatically glared at his yard.

“I’d be better if my backyard didn’t look like a fucking warzone.” He replied. He was feeling calmer by the second, and took one last sip of tea before he allowed himself to look back at Erwin — who was wearing his usual,  _ tight  _ attire of weathered blue jeans and a white t-shirt, Levi noticed — and before glancing back towards the tree again. “My lawn is crushed and there’s a tree in my fucking pool. It’s like the sky shit all over the place, or something.”

Erwin laughed at that,  _ really  _ laughed, and kept smiling in such a way while he viewed the damage again that clearly indicated he was amused by Levi’s description of it. If it was anyone else it probably would have made Levi bristle and assume they found his misfortune funny, but instead, because it was Erwin, he just raised an eyebrow and even ended up snorting along with him too a few seconds later. 

“Well, you’re not wrong, I suppose. But it may not be as bad as it seems. Do you want to go take a look?” Erwin said next, gesturing out into the yard and making it clear he wanted Levi to walk with him.

Levi’s cheeks warmed at that — he couldn’t help it, even if Erwin was just asking him to take a fucking stroll around his yard — and he nodded, standing up to follow Erwin off the patio. The first thing they walked by was the pool, of course, and although he supposed the damage to the tiling on the side wasn’t  _ catastrophic _ , the mess at the bottom of it didn’t make him feel much better. There were piles of broken sticks, leaves, rocks, and other shit all lying beneath the water and making it look dirty, and for all he knew, the concrete under all of that was cracked or damaged too. He didn’t know at what point the branch had broken off and sunk into his pool, and so he didn’t know how fast it had been falling, and just because he didn’t remember hearing a loud splash didn’t mean it hadn’t plummeted from the sky or whatever as the tree had been crashing down. 

It would be consistent with his luck if it was, Levi thought, as the grass around where the trunk had hit was certainly as fucked up as he’d assumed, the sight of it causing him to frown deeply while he looked over it and at all of the crushed flowers, plants, and bushes. They were already dying and would have to be removed, and behind that, his fence looked like it was about to collapse over any minute. He could barely believe it was still standing, in fact, and by the time they rounded the tree and reached the spot where it had been ripped out of the ground, Levi was grimacing. He had yet to check out the damage to that area himself, and seeing the giant hole in the ground and the extra damage to his grass around it just added to everything, making it all seem that much worse and that much horrible and  _ immense _ . 

“Fuck.” He muttered while looking at it, scowling and wondering how any of this could possibly be ‘not as bad as it seemed’ as Erwin had said. 

“It is a mess.” Erwin said as if he now agreed, turning back and looking over the mess again before he continued. “But I think it will be pretty straightforward to clean up. The tree will be the hardest part, but after that it shouldn’t be too bad. Obviously I’ll handle the yard, but I think I can repair the fence too, as well as any concrete that was cracked or damaged. The pool wall is what I’m not sure about, but I’m sure I can find someone who knows how, like with the tree.”

“You don’t have to do all that.” Levi mumbled, after his eyes had widened while Erwin explained to him what he could fix. It was a lot, as Levi realized that after their e-mail conversation the morning before, he’d really only been expecting him to be able to help with the tree and the landscaping. It was because he’d told Levi himself he wasn’t sure about the other shit, but after looking at it, Levi thought, he must have changed his mind, and now it was causing him to feel both flattered and guilty all over again that Erwin was willing to do that for him. “That’s a lot of fucking work.”

“I know, but I don’t mind. I told you before, remember?”

“Yeah, but I thought you just meant the tree and the yard.”

“It’s alright. It’s not much more. Your fence won’t have to be replaced, and I doubt the concrete will need anything more than a touch up here or there. I know it seems bad, but it could have been much, much worse. If the tree had been bigger, it could have cracked the wall of your pool completely through, causing it to leak into your yard. Or, you know, it could have landed on your house.”

“Yeah.” Levi agreed, because both of those things certainly were true. In fact, the fear that he was about to be crushed to death when he’d heard the tree start falling was still rather fresh, as was the brief concern he’d felt that something had gotten fucked up on his house too. He was grateful that neither one of those thing had happened, and just as grateful to also have Erwin, who was apparently intent on helping him no matter how much Levi was going to protest. “I’m glad that shit didn’t happen.”

“Me too.” Erwin replied, giving Levi a smile that was small, but enough to make him blush and feel warm all over at the same time.

“I know. You’d probably never have lemonade again, right?” Levi answered despite his red cheeks, adopting a teasing tone while he and Erwin walked back up towards the patio.

“I wouldn’t have any lemonade that was as good as yours, at least.” Was Erwin’s reply, which only served to make Levi’s face that much hotter. He continued on before Levi could say anything else when they neared his pool, though, tugging his cell phone out of his back pocket to look at the screen. “I’m going to call my friend who works in tree removal. I checked with him this morning, and he said he was available to help if we needed it. He’ll probably bring 2 or 3 others to help too, is that alright?”

“Yeah.” Levi said, worrying at his lip after giving it a brief moment of thought.

His initial instinct, of course, was to bristle at the idea of potentially having  _ four  _ people he didn’t know on his property, but Erwin would be there too, he remembered. Erwin would supervise and make sure they didn’t fuck anything up, and if Levi had any questions or concerns about whatever it was that they were going to do to remove the tree, he would be able to ask him instead of some random stranger. Because of that, he actually felt more comfortable with the thought of workers being there than he perhaps ever had before, and he nodded as if to emphasize, watching while Erwin started typing out a message on his phone.

“Alright.” He said, presumably texting his friend. “I’m going to water the plants in the front yard, and then use the chainsaw in your shed to get started on cutting some of the smaller branches off the tree. That way when everyone else gets here, we can just go straight to sawing the trunk of it up.”

Levi nodded again, remembering at Erwin’s words that he did, in fact, have a chainsaw in his shed, one that Shadis had purchased with Levi’s money when he’d first started working there. He didn’t recall what he’d needed it for and honestly didn’t think he’d ever actually heard the asshole using it, but whatever. He didn’t care, and it didn’t matter either unless the chainsaw was broken or some shit, which Levi half-expected to be the case anyway considering that Shadis had always kept the inside of his shed in disarray. 

“Let me know if it doesn’t work.” Levi said with that thought, receiving a nod from Erwin and another soft smile as he went to head back around to his front yard. 

Levi stood there for a moment watching him walk off, suddenly taking a step forward on his own too as his mind snapped away from their current conversation and back to what he needed to do. 

_ Ask him, ask him.  _ He thought, while his mouth fell open in preparation for him to blurt it out. 

The question was sitting there right on the tip of his tongue, waiting, Levi knew, to be spoken, but was this the right time? Wouldn’t saying it now be just as out of the blue as it would have earlier? Probably not as much, but in the seconds that it had taken Levi to think about it, Erwin had gotten too far away. He’d already stepped off his patio and was halfway down the path that led towards the gate to his front yard, and Levi would have had to yell at him to get his attention. Then he’d have to walk back or Levi would have to step forward more — there was no way in hell he was going to scream the fucking question, he thought — and doing so felt awkward, enough to hold him back again and to keep him from speaking.

_ Dammit. _ He thought, trying to swallow down the renewed nerves that had swept through him during the past few seconds.

His heart had started pounding too and his mouth had gone dry, just like when Erwin had first gotten there earlier, but this time it was harder for him to shake off. This time, he didn’t have another conversation with Erwin to distract himself with, as he’d gone to work and Levi was forced to go back inside to do some chores. Or at least, that was what he tried to do, but it was hard for him to concentrate when his mind kept wandering back to Erwin, and whether or not he should have gone ahead and asked him to dinner then. What if he didn’t get another chance to talk to him alone that day? Was he going to take a break like usual and come inside for a drink? What if he wasn’t planning on it because of the shit with the tree, or would end up too busy cutting it up to see Levi again?

Was he just going to have to fucking go out into the yard and ask him there, Levi wondered? He certainly didn’t want to do that in front of others, and dragging Erwin off to voice the question in private would just prolong everything and make him more apprehensive. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t do it if he had to, though, he told himself, because he was still determined not to let Erwin leave his property that day without just fucking doing it. If he didn’t, he knew, he’d hate himself and end up disappointed and moping around all night, and if he couldn’t manage to do it that day then he feared that in the end, he just never would. 

At that point, and not to mention after the conclusions he’d come to that morning regarding the risks, he was almost set on proving it to himself that he  _ could  _ do it as much as he just wanted to ask Erwin on a date, too. He wasn’t sure if that was something he should feel or not, but either way it was there, because if he did end up some lonely, pathetic, unloved old man, he didn’t want it to be his own fault or because he hadn’t tried.

Sighing, Levi set the duster he’d been using down on the nearest table, going to peek out one of his front windows while debating whether or not he should just go outside, walk up to Erwin, and ask him if he wanted to eat dinner with him that night. It would definitely catch him off guard if he did so, Levi knew, but whatever. There was no guarantee that he’d get another chance, and even if he did, who knew whether the moment would be better than any other he might have had or not. Waiting for the perfect opportunity was senseless, and was probably just another way for Levi to unwittingly hold himself back because he was afraid.

“Fuck.” Levi mumbled to himself at that thought, irritated because of how difficult this was for him in general, ashamed that he found it so hard in the first place — in comparison to normal people, at least — and frustrated at just how much he was struggling to get over it. 

It was pathetic, and with that in mind, he decided he was tired of drowning in worries about the unknown and letting them get the best of him, jerking the curtain he’d been looking out of closed and heading for his front door. He was just going to do it and get it over with one way or the other, planning to walk through his front yard and right up to Erwin. He hadn’t seen him out the window but he was sure he was out there somewhere, right up until he reached his door, anyway, and heard a solid knock coming from the one in the back.

Raising an eyebrow while his stomach lurched, Levi wondered if it was Erwin. Was he already done watering his plants out front? If so he’d finished doing it fast, but he didn’t know of who else it could be, unless the tree people had gotten there early and Erwin had somehow missed them. He hoped that wasn’t the case, of course, and luckily it wasn’t, as when he walked down the hallway to his patio door, he could see Erwin standing there on the other side with the chainsaw in his hands. He looked sheepish and Levi knew what he was going to say before he even greeted him again, as after all, it was a thought he’d already had earlier, and something that seemed even more likely when he saw how rusted and shitty the damn thing looked.

“It’s broken.” Erwin confirmed when he opened the door, causing Levi to immediately frown down at the chainsaw ruefully. “It won’t start.”

“Shit. What happened to it?” He asked, even though he already knew that it was Shadis’ fault.

“The engine is partially rusted. I think it got rained on one too many times while sitting in the shed.”

“Why would it get rained on in the shed?”

“There were leaks when I first started. I fixed them as soon as I saw them, but it was apparently too late for your chainsaw.”

“That bastard gardener.” Levi muttered, staring down at the tool with disdain. He was talking about Shadis, of course, who continued to prove to Levi that he’d been either incompetent, lazy, or both while he’d worked for him even though he’d since been fired, but Erwin’s eyebrows raised a bit when he said it, and he continued speaking before he could even suspect that Levi was talking about him. “Not you. I mean my old one. The asshole one.”

Right away, Erwin chuckled like he had known though, nodding and setting the chainsaw down at his feet. He was wearing gloves while holding it, Levi had noticed, but he took them off then, shoving them into his back pocket before glancing over his shoulder at the tree. “I’m not sure Nile will have an extra one for me. He’s the one in charge of everyone coming to help.”

“So, what? Do I need to buy another one or something?”

“It’s up to you. It's not completely necessary, but it would go faster if I had one too.”

“Yeah.” Levi agreed, because he'd already assumed as much anyway. “How much do they cost?”

The amount that Erwin rattled off next was enough to make Levi’s eyebrows raise — for fuck’s sake, he thought, were they really  _ that _ expensive? — but in the end, he didn't see that he had much of a choice. The thing was broken and he'd eventually need a new one anyway, and what was throwing another handful of cash out when he was already about to spend who the hell knew how much anyway to get his backyard cleaned up? At that point, fretting over it was useless when he technically had the money anyway, and so after nodding, he told Erwin to wait and walked back inside to grab him some cash. 

Making sure to get extra in case the chainsaw was more than he'd thought, Levi walked back out with a fold of bills a few minutes later. He handed it to Erwin and bit his lip, thinking that he should ask him his question before he left. Now was the time, he reminded himself, as he'd been heading outside to do it anyway before Erwin had knocked on his door with a broken chainsaw, and he probably only had seconds to do so until Erwin started walking away to head for his car. He needed to speak up before that happened so he wouldn't end up standing there like an idiot as he had earlier, but no sooner had he swallowed the huge, nervous swell in his chest, Erwin spoke first. 

“Ah.” He said, holding the money in his hand, glancing between it and Levi a few times before he smiled. “I don't suppose you'd like to go with me, would you?”

“Uh.” Levi blurted, immediately stiffening at the question. 

He’d already been tense because of what he'd been about to do, but now he felt his heart start to race even faster for another reason, his eyes widening even as a wave of warmth and awe swept over him too. That was from the fact that Erwin had asked him in the first place — not to mention the way he’d done it, too, with an uncertain smile that made him almost seem shy — but the rest was, of course, because the thought of leaving the house filled him with so much anxiousness that he nearly felt sick. 

The initial flare of it passed after a few seconds, but just like the last time Erwin had asked him to run an errand with him, he felt enough lingering dread and nerves over the idea in general to cause him to believe he just couldn’t do it. He had the same worries as always, too — what if he embarrassed himself? what if he came across as an asshole, or was rude because he hated dealing with strangers? — but now there was more. Now, there was frustration and self-loathing in his belly in addition to everything else, because he wanted to say yes, he really, really,  _ really  _ did, as he didn’t want to disappoint Erwin and he didn’t want to give up the chance to spend time with him like that, either

“I…” He started, swallowing while struggling with his answer, wondering if he should just tell Erwin the truth about his nerves. “I’m, um...I want to. But it’s...I mean,  _ shit _ , I—

“It’s alright. You don’t have to.” Erwin said then, interrupting him before he managed to actually spit anything coherent out.

Obviously, he had taken Levi’s stupid fucking mumbling and his struggle for words as a ‘no’, probably remembering the way he had reacted before, too, and anticipating him to respond that way. It made Levi stiffen all over again, his belly roiling with guilt now, and frown, because although Erwin had smiled and reassured him that it was alright, his lips didn’t curve up as much as they usually did and it didn’t meet his eyes. It was obvious to Levi that it wasn’t the answer he wished for, and he wanted to go even more because of that, because  _ Erwin  _ wanted him to because he liked him in a way that Levi suspected was romantic. He recalled it just as he recalled what he’d been about to ask Erwin too, thinking that if Erwin wanted Levi to go to a hardware store with him that badly, than he would certainly say yes to Levi’s invitation for dinner, right?

“I’ll just go get it and bring it right back.” Erwin continued when Levi just stood there instead of speaking, probably making everything worse with his usual awkwardness.

He started walking away as he said it, too, and it was that which finally snapped Levi out of his internal struggle, recalling the determination he’d felt before and the longing he had for the man in front of him, and the hope he held inside to finally find a shred of true happiness in his life that he’d be able to hold on to. If he wasn’t sure about leaving the house yet, he thought, then at least there was something else that he could try and do, right?

“Wait!” He said after Erwin had taken a few steps away, blurting out the word so forcefully that Erwin stopped immediately. He turned back around and looked at Levi with a curious expression, and although he knew his face was beet red by then and his heart was threatening to erupt from his chest, he forced his next sentence out in a desperate, but still overwhelmingly earnest rush. “Do you want to eat dinner with me?”

Naturally, after that, Erwin paused, his lips parting in surprise and his eyebrows raising up over his forehead. It was obvious he hadn’t been expecting that at all, and although he still responded a moment later, the few seconds of silence felt to Levi like they passed over an eternity. The quietness after he’d spoken his question seemed to ring in his ears, and his heartbeat hadn’t slowed down at all, pounding so quickly that he could feel it thumping against his ribcage. His palms were sweaty too and he couldn’t even make himself swallow to help his dry throat if he wanted to, filled with fear that if he did so, he might miss whatever it was that Erwin was going to say next. 

“Dinner?” Erwin asked, blinking at Levi while he took in his surely red face and tense demeanor. “At a restaurant? I thought—

“No. Here.  _ Shit.  _ I mean, at my house. I can cook for you if you want — uh...well, for us. Just us. Together.” Levi said, cringing after he finished because of how he’d basically babbled like some kind of idiot. 

He’d been trying to do his best to indicate that he was asking Erwin on a date and not just a casual, friendly meal, but he was sure he’d sounded stupid instead and was becoming more and more convinced by the nanosecond that Erwin was going to say no. He’d made a fool of himself like he’d almost known he would, he thought, biting his lip and looking away to stare at the ground, but even as he braced himself for a negative response, Erwin suddenly smiled. 

“Oh. Alright.” He said, practically beaming from where he stood in front of Levi. “I’d love to eat with you, Mr. Ackerman. When?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Actually.” Erwin said, smiling a bit hesitantly. “I wanted to ask you something. Can I?”
> 
> Swallowing, Levi shifted in his chair while he felt himself tense up again, nodding anyway even as a fresh bout of nerves twisted in his belly because of what Erwin was finally about to say. Whatever it was, he still didn’t blurt it out despite having Levi’s permission, instead opening and closing his mouth a few times like he wasn’t sure, or as if he didn’t know exactly how to word it. Naturally, that just served to make Levi more apprehensive, enough so that when Erwin finally did spit it out, all he felt was surprise rather than any more anxiousness.
> 
> “Why don’t you leave your house?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO THIS IS A VERY LONG CHAPTER. I hope everyone enjoys it :), and another huge thank you for all the kudos and wonderful comments that have been left <3 i'm awful at responding but i do see and appreciate every one of them. 
> 
> that being said, regarding nile's cockblock, its the last one! and it had to happen for what happens next, but i was unhappy with how i ended the last chapter and moved his interruption to the beginning of this one. it probably doesn't matter but it was bugging me, so if it seems like the first few paragraphs are the same thing as what you read before, that's why.

Suddenly stunned, Levi couldn’t speak for a moment. Instead he just stood there gaping, his lips parted in surprise and his eyes wide. Had he just heard Erwin right? Had he really said yes? He had, Levi realized, or at least he had agreed to have dinner with him, and through the complete shock and awe and elation that he felt sweeping over him all at once, he somehow managed to comprehend that their conversation wasn’t over and that he needed to give Erwin an answer to his question of when.

“Tonight?” He uttered, remaining so still afterward while he waited for another positive response that it was like he was holding his breath.

He let it out though when at that, Erwin’s brows drew down a bit. His mouth opened for him to speak and he glanced to the ground, and although it was barely noticeable, somehow Levi got the sense that there was a problem with their dinner taking place that night. Before he could, though, another voice interjected suddenly, a loud one, an  _ obnoxious  _ one that surprised him too because in the past few seconds, he’d been so focused on Erwin that he hadn’t even noticed or heard anyone else walking up. 

“Hey, Erwin. Is this your boss? You didn’t tell me he was going to feed us for taking care of the tree tonight, too.”

As soon as he heard the voice, Levi’s gaze jerked sharply in the direction of the person who had spoken. What he saw was a man with dark hair and a thin, patchy,  _ awful  _ looking mustache and goatee, his beady eyes staring at them both with a shitty expression on his face. He looked bored and uninterested, Levi thought, or like he didn’t want to be there, and the realization just made the irritated nerve that he’d struck inside him that much fucking worse, as he’d just intruded on their private conversation and basically invited himself to dinner like he’d  _ want  _ to come.

Normally, Levi’s reaction to something like that would have been to feel uneasy, uncomfortable, and probably even embarrassed that he’d overheard what they’d been saying, as this man was a stranger and he’d caught him off guard. However, this time, all Levi actually felt was anger instead, because what the fuck?  _ Seriously? _ Had he really just barged in and assumed he could eat with them? Although that was enough to get Levi aggravated, it wouldn’t be half as bad if it wasn’t the all-important meal that he’d asked Erwin to, if it wasn’t something that was supposed to be a  _ date  _ that he’d just assumed had something to do with him. 

Why the fuck would Levi feed him for cutting up a tree? He was paying him for that, with actual money and not food, and even if he was willing to do something like that he sure as hell wouldn’t do it that night, not when the invitation he’d extended was just for Erwin, and not after everything that he’d just put himself through to ask him in the first place. That was what a good chunk of his fury was for, as he’d spent days agonizing over it and wrestling with his anxiety, worrying about everything from how to ask Erwin to whether or not he even should, and to finally building up enough courage after all that time to actually do it. In the end he had done it even if it had been hard, but before he’d even been able to truly soak in the happiness and the relief that had come from Erwin’s answer, this fucker had walked up and interrupted their moment.

“What?” Levi asked at that thought, after he’d spent seconds just staring at the man in some kind of disgusted, flabbergasted shock. “I don’t even know who the fuck you are. Why would I make you dinner?”

Levi couldn’t help but snap at him, unable to keep himself from being rude when he was that fucking angry. If he had just been apprehensive or tense at his appearance he might have toned it down or even let it out accidentally, but this time he did it on purpose, and he didn’t even give a shit when the man’s shitty eyebrows flew up over his forehead. To his credit, though, he didn’t say anything in response and instead just looked to Erwin, who was staring right back at him with his mouth open. He looked just as caught off guard and taken aback as Levi had been, but at that point, he didn’t know whether or not it was because they’d been interrupted, or because Levi was being an asshole in front of him. 

He hoped it was the former rather than the latter, as he didn’t want to offend Erwin. Although Levi had asked who the man was he was pretty sure that he was Erwin’s acquaintance or whatever — the guy named Nile who he had contacted to help him deal with the tree. He’d been under the impression that they weren’t close friends or anything because of Erwin’s admittance that he had none in their town, but if he was wrong and they were and Levi had just insulted him and embarrassed Erwin, then...well, then he probably wouldn’t blame him for being upset. 

Before he could get  _ too  _ concerned over it, though, Erwin spoke up, only glancing at Nile for a moment before he turned his gaze in Levi’s direction. 

“Ah. No, Nile.” He said quietly, his blue eyes — which seemed a bit rueful, Levi thought — boring straight into Levi’s grey ones. “We were talking about just eating together, but I’m afraid I can’t tonight anyway. I have a scholarship interview in a few days, and I need to get ready.”

By staring at him while he spoke, he was giving Levi a response to his ‘tonight?’ question as much as he was telling Nile to fuck off — albeit politely. Levi was grateful for that, of course, but even though he had almost expected Erwin to say something along the lines that he couldn't stay that night from how his face had fallen a bit earlier, he was still disappointed. He shouldn’t be because he’d gotten a ‘yes’ in the first place, he knew, but he couldn’t help it. He’d been hopefully looking forward to Erwin eating dinner with him that night for the past few days, and had wanted to cook for him for even longer than that. He’d thought it was actually, finally going to happen for a brief moment a minutes ago, but of course, Levi thought, as Erwin had just told him, he couldn’t. 

Apparently, he had something far more important going on, something that Levi certainly understood and would not have expected or even wanted him to blow off for their date. It was a scholarship interview, he’d said, which meant that one of his applications must be partly on the way to being accepted. He assumed the interview was the second step in getting a financial reward for his education, and as Levi had already seen Erwin work hard on the essays and submitting the forms, he was happy for him that he’d gotten that far. He knew it was important to him and he did want him to get a scholarship, but he couldn’t help remembering his small fear from before, either: if Erwin went to school, would he quit his job? Would Levi not see him anymore?

No, he told himself almost just as quickly, that wouldn’t happen. Not now, right? Not when he’d asked him out and he’d said yes, even if they couldn’t have dinner right away? That just meant they would have to reschedule, Levi wanted to assume, but now that the conversation hadn’t gone the way he’d wanted he felt self-conscious. He was still red-faced and pissed off because of Nile, and although he wanted to ask Erwin if they could do it another time to be sure, that asshole was still standing there, staring at them both even though Levi thought it was pretty fucking clear that he had interrupted a private conversation.

Levi wished he would take the hint and leave, because he was too embarrassed to say anything else referencing their date in front of him and didn’t want to anyway, because it was personal, and something that he wanted to share with Erwin and  _ only  _ Erwin. It seemed more appropriate that way too, and without knowing what else to say, Levi just nodded at Erwin, hoping that the expression on his face was soft and understanding despite the fact that he felt frustrated and a bit dejected on the inside.

“I’m glad you got it.” Levi mumbled just in case it wasn’t, ignoring his stupid feelings as Erwin gave him a small, hopeful looking smile. 

It made Levi blush and look away, feeling flustered because of the way Erwin was looking at him — moments  _ after  _ he’d asked him out, Levi remembered — and awkward because he wasn’t sure of what to say or do next. He might have felt more comfortable if Nile hadn’t still been standing there, but he was, and with the thought that he had been turned down in a way in front of him, Levi was suddenly too embarrassed to stay outside anymore. Swallowing, he began to feel as anxious as he had while waiting on Erwin to give him his answer again, and spun around without saying anything else, stepping into his house and closing the door as quickly as he could behind him.

He didn’t turn to see if Erwin was still watching him through the glass or not, and stalked into his kitchen where he immediately fixed himself a new cup of tea. Rather than what he usually drank, he pulled out a box of chamomile from his pantry, hoping that it would relieve the knots in his stomach and help him to relax. He was having a hard time keeping his mind from racing after everything that had just happened, as he’d been hit with a lot of shit at once before he'd even gotten to completely get over his jitters from asking Erwin in the first place. 

He'd done it though, he remembered, he'd actually asked him out to dinner despite how afraid he'd been, despite how he'd wondered if he should or if it was worth the risk, and when not that long ago he’d barely been able to talk to Erwin for two minutes without making a fool of himself. He wasn’t naive enough to sit there and think he’d done it smoothly or anything, but he  _ had  _ asked him and made it as clear as he knew how that he wanted it to be like a date, and Erwin had, of course, said yes. 

_ “I’d love to eat with you, Mr. Ackerman.”  _ Was what he’d actually responded with, in fact, all while fixing Levi with a wide, soft smile — the one that dimpled his cheeks and made his blue eyes brighten.

The way he’d answered him was seared into Levi’s memory — and probably would be for a long fucking time, he thought, while reliving it — and made his heart flutter wildly just to think about. He almost couldn’t believe it had happened at all, he thought, but it had, and he’d even answered him in a way that made it clear that he was pleased Levi had asked, and that without a doubt, he did want to stay and have dinner with him. It was almost exactly the way he’d responded in the dream Levi had the night before, actually, and although he liked to think all their flirtatious exchanges and the fucking hand holding had made it obvious Erwin would say yes, when it came down to, in the end he’d still had far too many seemingly convincing doubts to fully believe it.

Now, though,  _ now  _ it was starting to sink in, allowing him to realize that after everything and because of Erwin’s positive response to his invitation, he could perhaps finally be far more sure about the one thing that he’d wanted to know the answer to the most: did Erwin want more than friendship with him? It seemed miles more certain to him than it had before because of this new development, and in terms that were almost simple in comparison to the wild webs of speculation he had gone through before about all of their vague, coy, and apparently flirtatious interactions with Hange. Levi had asked him on a date — a real, romantic date, not just a friendly dinner, or even a casual drink after Erwin was done working — and Erwin had said yes. He’d agreed to go and he wouldn’t have if he didn’t want that with Levi, he was sure, because he couldn’t see any other point in him accepting the offer if he had no interest in it.

Of course, Levi still longed to hear it out loud, but Erwin wouldn’t lead him on, he knew, and it was something that seemed too serious for him to agree to so quickly if he didn’t actually want to do it. If he didn’t, the only reason Levi could come up with for him to say yes anyway would be if he was after his money or something, but that was ludicrous. He knew Erwin well enough by then to dismiss  _ that  _ thought immediately, and with more proof than he’d ever had before, he was able to calm down enough so that he could just soak in all of the overwhelmingly uplifting feelings of awe and happiness. 

The former was because it was still surprising to him, stunning that something he had once believed to be too good to be true was more than likely  _ real _ . How could Erwin have romantic feelings for him?  _ Why  _ would he? He didn’t think there was anything special about himself, not really, as on the contrary, he generally thought that he was an asshole and that he could be quite cold — something that had gotten a lot worse in recent years. He’d improved a bit, sure, but he was still awkward and probably came across as strange, and it wasn’t like he was gorgeous like Erwin was, either. He was average looking at best, he thought, and regardless of that, he was much older than Erwin, too. Why would he hold any interest in Levi when he’d probably be better off finding someone his own age?

Those were all thoughts that Levi had gone through plenty of times before, of course, usually when he was feeling down and trying to convince himself that Erwin wouldn’t like him, or right after they’d become friends when he felt guilty for feeling that way and like he  _ shouldn’t _ . Now, though, instead of feeding into his doubts and causing him to suspect that it actually wasn’t true, Levi just felt more amazed than anything else while pondering all of that, wonderstruck that he, for once, might have actually gotten more lucky than he could have ever imagined.

He was happy too, of course, almost overjoyed when he thought about it and excited for what might come next. The butterflies in his stomach had gone from a nervous fluttering to something more warm and pleasant, and although he was still a little disappointed he wasn’t going to get to cook for Erwin that night, after he’d let everything sink in a bit more, he realized it was just because he was impatient. He wanted to spend time with Erwin like that, to be on a date with him even if it was one at his own house, and to experience everything that might go along with the two of them having dinner together. However, even if he  _ did  _ wish it could happen right away, the fact that it wasn’t didn’t mean he’d experienced a setback — not unless he failed to follow up and didn’t invite Erwin to eat with him again another time, anyway. 

That was what he needed to do, he thought, but he’d already known that. He’d wanted to do it outside but that fucking Nile guy had still been standing there like an asshole, and he’d been too overwhelmed with everything that had just happened to say anything else. That just meant he’d have to ask Erwin the next time he saw him, of course, finding that he only felt a tiny fraction of the anxiousness and apprehension that he’d had before when he thought about doing it. It was because Erwin had already said yes, Levi reminded himself yet again, and told him he wanted to have dinner with him. It wasn’t a question of ‘if’ anymore, he knew, it was just ‘when,’ so there wasn’t any way that Erwin would turn around and refuse his next invitation for a date, right?

No, Levi thought, he wouldn’t. He was sure of it — enough to easily dismiss any worries — and found himself thinking that the only thing he might have to be concerned about was whether or not he’d come across as rude when he’d practically fled inside his house before. He hadn’t said anything else to Erwin after telling him he was glad he got a scholarship interview, and he’d started feeling so flustered that his only thought was that he had to escape it. If Nile hadn’t been there he probably wouldn’t have, but he was, and he hoped Erwin would understand and wouldn’t take offense if he’d given off the impression that Levi was irritated with him instead. 

It wasn’t a huge concern, but it was something he thought about for most of the afternoon, wanting to go outside to talk to Erwin or to apologize if he needed to. He found himself peeking out his curtains every so often while he was doing his chores — after Erwin had gotten back from buying his new chainsaw, which he must have done as soon as Levi had gone inside — to see what he was doing, but he was never alone and always looked too busy dealing with the tree to talk.

He and Nile — plus two teenagers he must have brought with him, Levi thought, noticing a girl with short, curly hair and a boy with the worst bowl cut he’d ever fucking seen — were making quick work of it, something that made him feel more relieved on that front too. After all of his concern about having to call strangers to help remove it, he’d ended up barely even thinking about them out there all day, finding that he was either too distracted with everything else, or even more comfortable leaving it in Erwin’s hands than he had actually realized. 

Their chainsaws were noisy, of course, and he could hear them shouting instructions at each other every so often, but it was never enough to concern him, and as far as he could tell towards the end of the afternoon nothing had gone wrong. In fact, they had gotten more than half the tree’s trunk cut up, the pieces of it and all of it’s branches already sliced up into what now looked like firewood. The majority of it was  lying in piles on the other side of Levi’s broken fence, he saw, and although he wondered for a moment what the hell they were going to do with it, he then decided that he didn’t much care as long as the mess eventually ended up off his property.

Erwin would take care of that and do whatever he wanted, he knew, because he had agreed to help him, and if his willingness to go on a date with him said anything, he had certainly meant it. Not that Levi still had too many doubts about that, but the thought made him feel good all over again, confidence and elation — emotions that he had grown accustomed to not experiencing in recent years — going through him because things seemed to actually be working out for the best for once. 

He didn’t even get lost in thoughts like ‘what if he changes his mind?’ or ‘what if he decides he doesn’t like me and regrets saying yes?’ as he normally might have, and instead just found himself  _ longing  _ to talk to Erwin again, wanting to be alone with him so they could maybe figure out when they were going to eat together, or to just talk about anything or share a glass of water, whatever it might take to give Levi more of the warm, buoyant feeling he got when he was around Erwin and that he could finally embrace. 

Levi wished he would’ve come inside for a break that afternoon but he hadn’t, and as evening drew closer he was impatiently waiting for the fucking chainsaw noises to stop outside so he might have another chance. Eventually they did — and didn’t come back for at least 5 minutes, which seemed promising — and Levi was peeking curiously out of one of his back curtains again, biting his lip while he watched as Erwin and the others move around like they were finally wrapping shit up for the day.

Once he began walking his chainsaw back into the shed it became obvious that they were, and that was when Levi’s heart started beating faster, enough eagerness and hope about speaking with Erwin once more building inside his chest for him to have the sudden thought that he was acting like a kid. It was probably stupid and ridiculous, but he didn’t even care after what had happened that day, only wishing instead that Nile would go away so Levi could go outside and wave at Erwin or something. 

He felt self-conscious doing it with other people around, he thought, which was also silly, and after a few minutes had passed he was starting to think that he’d just have to suck it up. It wasn’t like he expected Erwin to come knock on his door or anything before he went home, but in the end, that was actually what he did, the sound of it carrying out through his hallway while Levi was in the bathroom running fingers through his hair.

He’d been making sure it looked alright before he forced himself to go outside to try to catch Erwin one way or the other, but upon hearing the knock it seemed that he wouldn’t have to, freezing for just a second before he all but sprinted to the back of his house to open it. Briefly, he had the worrisome thought that it might be Nile, but thankfully he saw Erwin right away, standing there with his hands in his back pockets and looking a little unsure.

“Hey.” Levi said when he practically threw the door open, swallowing and trying his best not to look like he was almost giddily losing his shit on the inside.

“Hey.” Erwin responded immediately, going quiet for a second where he just stared down at Levi and blinked. His eyes roved over his face and took in his expression, and as Levi’s cheeks grew warm in the silence and under his gaze, Erwin smiled. His lips curved up gently, Levi saw, but it wasn’t the bright one that he’d given him earlier that day. Was something wrong? No, he realized a moment later, Erwin was apparently just uncertain about how things had ended the last time they’d talked a few hours ago, offering him up an apology next which nearly made Levi scoff. “I’m sorry about earlier. About Nile, I mean. He got here early, and I didn’t hear him walking up. I was a bit distracted.”

With his last comment, Erwin’s smile grew and turned a bit sheepish, his own face actually looking pink and flushed too. It wasn’t just because of the sun as he hadn’t walked up like that, Levi thought, and he bit his lip, feeling his heart skip when he realized that Erwin was saying he had been distracted because of  _ him. _

“Yeah. Me too.” He forced out, surprised when his voice didn’t sound strained or shaky because he knew they might be flirting now,  _ really  _ flirting in a way that they hadn’t before because some kind of unspoken confession had been put out there and realized, albeit a small one, and although he found that he wasn’t fearful of how Erwin might react now, he was still nervous because this was uncharted territory for him. “I didn’t hear him either. But it doesn’t matter. It’s fine. He’s fucking gone though, right?”

Levi’s last question was followed by him looking around his backyard for any sight of the bastard, relieved when he didn’t see anyone else and when Erwin laughed quietly. “Yes, he’s gone. Which is why I wanted to ask if...ah, well, can we talk? Inside?”

“Uh...yeah.” Levi breathed, a fearful jolt going through him almost instantly. 

What did Erwin want to talk about? Was it bad? Had he changed his mind like Levi had thought earlier, and perhaps foolishly dismissed? Before his thoughts could get far enough away for him to panic, though, Erwin had smiled at him reassuringly, prompting Levi to lead him into his kitchen to get him a glass of ice water. It was an almost automatic gesture at this point whenever Erwin came inside his house, and he handed it to him as he sat down at Levi’s table, unable to keep the lingering wide-eyed, concerned expression off his face while he took a seat beside him too. 

“Thank you.” Erwin said to him, giving him another smile — a bigger one this time. It got Levi’s heart to stop fluttering with muted dread and calmed him a bit, but only a little, as he still wanted to know what Erwin wanted and whether or not it was something serious like he’d automatically assumed. “Here’s your change. Sorry I didn't give it back to you earlier.” 

Drawing his brows down, Levi was momentarily confused by Erwin’s words until he pulled a wad of cash from his pocket, realizing then that he was talking about the leftover money from his chainsaw purchase that day. He’d all but forgotten after it had happened because he was focused on other shit, and because of that, Levi found it almost amusing that Erwin was apologizing to him for not returning it immediately. Yeah, he'd knowingly given Erwin extra in case he needed it, but worrying about his change was trivial in comparison to everything else that had happened that day, and after glancing at it, Levi just shook his head, waving Erwin's hand away with barely another thought. 

“You can keep it.” He said, glancing back up at Erwin just in time to see his eyebrows raise.

“What?” He said, sounding surprised. “I can't, Mr. Ackerman. It's yours.”

Snorting, Levi shook his head. It was a sizeable chunk of change, he supposed, but it wasn't that much, the amount of it not even close to what he planned to give to Erwin as extra for helping him with the tree anyway. “No, you can have it. I was going to give you a bonus anyway, although that shit is hardly enough.”

“A bonus? For what?”

“For helping with the tree.”

“Oh, that's not necessary. I told you I don't mind, and—

“Just take it.” Levi said, in as forceful of a tone as he dared, hoping that Erwin would stop arguing — not that he was surprised that he was, though — and just accept it. “If you don't I'll just add it to your next check and it will get deposited in your account anyway.”

Erwin was quiet for a moment after that, staring at the money in his palm with widened, thoughtful eyes. His mouth was open too and he looked like he wanted to keep arguing, but he didn't, instead licking his lips and glancing back over to Levi after he shoved it into his pocket again. 

“Thank you.” He said, visibly swallowing. His cheeks were pink again, Levi noticed, but he squirmed in his seat, his stomach flipping once because surely giving him back his change hadn't been why Erwin had wanted to talk about, right? “Ah...I'm sorry I can't stay for dinner. I wish I could. I found out I got the interview this morning.”

Levi shrugged at that even while his pulse danced inside of him, determined not to make Erwin feel guilty for saying no to that night or to let any of his own disappointment show, knowing deep down that he’d instead be better off making this his opportunity to try and invite him back for another time. “It doesn’t matter. It’s more important. If you didn’t prepare for it I’d be fucking confused. Uh…does this mean you get money for college, though?”

“Maybe. I'm a bit closer, at least. It's the largest award that the university gives out, and from what I understand, there are hundreds and hundreds of applications but they only select around 20 for an interview. Out of those, 10 will actually get the scholarship.”

“Shit.” Levi responded, raising his eyebrows. “Not bad.”

Erwin smiled widely at his comment, seeming to somehow pick up that Levi was actually a bit impressed even  _ if  _ he had answered nonchalantly. If he had, Levi thought, he wouldn’t be wrong, because he was, as it was obviously a big deal and said a lot about Erwin that he’d been selected out of a shit ton of other applicants. He was smart and Levi had been able to tell how hard he’d worked on his essays or whatever, and he was glad for him now that it seemed to be paying off and helping him get into university. He wanted that for him even if it might mean he stopped being his gardener, although...well, now he hoped that even if that  _ did  _ happen, because of what might possibly happen in the future, it wouldn’t mean that Erwin would automatically disappear from his life completely. 

“Yes. It’s the first one I’ve heard back from, too. Most of the others have already selected who they want to interview, so I’m out of the running for those, unfortunately.” Erwin said, his smile just growing bigger while Levi scowled at that.

“Idiot assholes.” He mumbled vehemently, meaning it, too, because he thought Erwin deserved it, and the idea of him getting rejected made Levi frown. 

That was because of how he felt about him, of course, but it also made him understand just how important this one interview was. If it was almost his last chance than he certainly didn’t blame him for placing that above anything else — not that he had before or anything either, though — and because of that, Levi suddenly wanted to help him in any way he could. Giving him time off was one thing he could do even if it meant seeing him less in the next few days and letting the tree rot in his yard, but, he thought, he might have already helped him another way by giving him money. 

“Now I’m even more glad I gave you that fucking cash.” He teased, glancing over Erwin’s dirty and sweat-stained work clothes before he continued. “Maybe you should go buy some new clothes. I hope you’re not gonna wear anything like that, right?”

He was only joking, of course, and at his question Erwin just laughed for a few seconds, keeping his lips parted after he had stopped like he wanted to say something else. He didn’t, though, at least not right away, and instead glanced down at the table for a moment as if in thought, causing Levi to bite his lip before he finally continued. 

“Actually.” He said, smiling a bit hesitantly. “I was already going to buy new clothes before you gave that to me. And I wanted to ask you something. Can I?”

Swallowing, Levi shifted in his chair while he felt himself tense up again, nodding anyway even as a fresh bout of nerves twisted in his belly because of what Erwin was finally about to say. Whatever it was, he still didn’t blurt it out despite having Levi’s permission, instead opening and closing his mouth a few times like he wasn’t sure, or as if he didn’t know exactly how to word it. Naturally, that just served to make Levi more apprehensive, enough so that when Erwin finally did spit it out, all he felt was surprise rather than any more anxiousness.

“Why don’t you leave your house?” Erwin asked, causing Levi to go still.

It was because even  _ if  _ he’d been worried about what he was going to ask, that had certainly not been what he’d expected, as he’d thought it was going to be something to do with their date or in relation to how Levi had been an asshole to Nile earlier that day. Of course, though, it had ended up being something much worse than that: a question about why he was a weird fucking shut-in, and a question that made him feel self-conscious and a myriad of other emotions too. Immediately there was guilt, both because of how he’d handled Erwin asking him to run errands with him before, and because of the possibility that Erwin might think it was all because of him in the first place. 

What else would he be asking him that for? Levi wasn’t sure, and unfortunately, he felt fear, unease, and confusion inside of him along with the guilt, because how the fuck was he supposed to answer him without delving into parts of his past that he didn’t want to get into? There wasn’t a way to explain it without a risk of that happening, he thought, not really, and it was hard for him to swallow down a hint of momentary panic during the abrupt silence that had followed Erwin’s question. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to answer him, or even that he objected to Erwin knowing those things about him, but Levi wasn’t sure that  _ he  _ was ready to explain it to Erwin himself, or to have the conversation at all when he feared that the reason all his problems had started — the root of it, he knew, and what he’d done — would make him look bad, or would cause Erwin to think he was some sort of a monster. Levi wouldn’t blame him if he did, he thought, a cold wave of despair sweeping through him while he remembered it all and while he struggled to figure out how he wanted to respond. 

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” Erwin said then, a softness to his tone that probably had a lot to do with the fact that Levi hadn’t been able to control his expression.

It had twisted into something that probably looked like agitation or distress, he realized, and his mouth had gone dry. He’d looked away at some point to stare down at the top of his kitchen table too, and although he’d gotten a bit lost in his thoughts for a few seconds there, Erwin’s voice had the effect of bringing him out of it — at least just a little. 

“No.” He uttered in response, immediately shaking his head because he  _ did  _ want to answer — if not for any other reason except for Erwin to understand, to realize that when he asked Levi to go out and he refused, it wasn’t because of him. It was Levi’s problems and his problems only that caused it, and while he didn’t feel sorry for himself in that moment, he hated the thought that it might be hurting Erwin. “I’m....shit. I just don’t. I haven’t. Not in a long time, because I don't need to.” 

“Are you afraid?”

Turning to stare at Erwin when he asked that, Levi made a face, his first reaction to become defensive and tell Erwin  _ no _ , of course he wasn't, he just didn't want to because he could get everything delivered to his house. However, a split second after thinking that he melted, because he knew that wasn’t all of it, not at all, and in the end it was just another fucking excuse that he’d trained himself to believe so he could avoid the issue. 

_ Was _ he afraid, though? He didn't like to think so, but he couldn't deny the rush of anxiety and trepidation that always hit him whenever he thought about going off his property, or the near panic he'd experienced during the two times when Erwin had asked him to do just that. He didn't want to admit that he was scared, he thought, because it seemed like something trivial to fear, and after all, he hadn't  _ always  _ been like this. 

Despite that, though, the fact was that he had locked himself away in his house there after building it. He’d been in a terrible place before and hadn’t made it all the way out of it yet when he’d moved in, and a simple aversion to going out had become something much more, something that now made him so anxious that he didn’t know if he could ever do it again. Up until that point there hadn’t been anyone around to even try to get him to leave either, and although there was now, he couldn’t help but wonder if it was just too late.

“I don't...I don’t know.” He said with that thought, still struggling to speak because even after realizing all of that, it was still hard to come to terms with completely and to then admit to another person — even Erwin. It was because it made him feel ashamed, he thought, and embarrassed, and he still didn't have any fucking idea why Erwin had really asked him this in the first place. Still, though, Levi trusted him and knew he wouldn't be hurtful about it, and that was why he wasn’t going to brush it off or change the subject. Besides, he tried to remind himself, surely Erwin already knew he was strange in other ways, right? If he’d accepted that then he would accept this, and if things went the way he wanted them to then he'd eventually have to open up to him anyway. “Fuck. I guess. I mean...yeah. I know it’s bullshit but I haven’t gone out since I moved here. Some...some shit happened, and I don’t like thinking about it, but that’s why. And that’s why I act like an idiot whenever you ask. It’s not because of you, okay?”

“I don't think you act like an idiot, and it's not bullshit. I understand. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” Erwin responded, his apology causing Levi to bite his lip and shake his head forcefully. 

As far as he was concerned, Erwin had nothing to be sorry for. It wasn't his fault that Levi had issues, after all, and he probably had a right to know anyway if he had any interest at all in dating him. Now that he'd admitted it though, he could only hope that it wouldn't change Erwin's opinion of him and cause him to back out of their dinner. As usual, though, Levi was worried about nothing and had let his doubts get the better of him, because it seemed that Erwin hadn’t thought it was because of him at all. He’d only been asking, apparently, because he wanted to spend more time with Levi in the first place, and to try once more to get him to go on an errand with him inside of the city.

“I was only asking because I do need to buy clothes for the interview like I said, and...ah, I was hoping you might want to go with me. I'm going tomorrow, and the interview is the next day. I thought that since we couldn't eat dinner yet, we could do that. I...I want to see you before then. If you could. And if that's okay.”

Immediately, Levi's heart jumped into his throat at Erwin's words. His chest filled with warmth and he felt so much fondness for him that he thought he might burst, because of how he'd asked him despite knowing that Levi might say no, and  _ why  _ he'd asked him — he wanted to see him again that soon? was this Erwin’s own version of asking him out? — and the way he'd done it too, with his cheeks still pink and his voice quiet, like he was uncertain and nervous and shy about his proposition. 

Levi certainly knew that feeling well, of course, and he wanted to say yes so badly that it hurt. He wanted to go shopping with Erwin almost more than anything, but as he’d admitted just a moment ago, he was afraid. What if he acted like an idiot? What if he embarrassed himself in front of Erwin, or worse, what if he embarrassed  _ Erwin _ ? If he did he wasn't sure if he'd ever fucking forgive himself, and it would serve him right, he thought, if Erwin were to get upset with him and not want to see him again. 

That was what he feared the most, he supposed, other than him having a panic attack for whatever reason, but he didn’t want to say no. The thought of doing so was almost heart-breaking to him in that moment, and while trying to figure out what to say, he suddenly felt so frustrated with his inability to just do this one, simple fucking thing with someone he cared about that he had to jerk his head away to blink away hot tears. 

His eyes were burning with them, he realized, and his face was too, and before he let any of them fall he felt a swell of anger and determination to hold it all back. He'd already humiliated himself enough that night, he thought, and he'd be damned if he let Erwin see him cry about something so  _ stupid _ , so fucking insignificant and—

“If you don't want to, I understand. You can say no.” Erwin said then in a quiet voice, seeming to sense his struggle. “It won't hurt my feelings.”

“I want to go.” Levi ground out though, clenching his fists in his lap while he spoke. 

He didn’t want to give up, he thought, or admit that he couldn’t no matter what, but he just didn’t know what might happen if he tried. Losing his shit seemed like a big possibility, and even though Erwin seemed to understand that he was uncomfortable with it, did that mean he was willing to deal with Levi if he got upset or too anxious to think clearly?

“Alright.” Erwin answered though, still speaking slowly as if he was trying not to overwhelm him. “Are you saying you  _ will  _ go, or that you just want to?”

“I want to. I want to go with you, but I don't know if I can.”

“That’s okay. What if you just try it? We can go out and see how it goes, and if at any point you want to come back, that’s fine. I’ll bring you back home. It won’t upset me, and it won’t...it won’t change anything, alright?”

Biting his lip, Levi paused to consider Erwin’s words. They were very kind, he thought, and a bit reassuring, and seemed to indicate that he was aware of how badly this could actually go and didn’t care. If he understood that then...well, then was there any reason why Levi  _ couldn’t  _ try? He didn’t think so, not really, as after all, if it ended up being a disaster than the worst thing that might happen was him losing Erwin. However, Erwin had just said that if it did it wouldn’t change anything, and although he’d been vague, Levi could only assumed that because of Erwin agreeing to eat with him earlier that day, Erwin actually meant that it wouldn’t change anything regarding their plans or anything between  _ them _ . 

That was the thing that was probably holding him back the most, because even  _ if  _ just the thought of leaving threatened to make him into a nervous wreck, he didn’t see the harm in giving it a try — at least in general. After all, he thought, it wasn’t like he  _ wanted  _ to be stuck in his fucking house forever, to become some lonely, crazy old man who barricaded himself inside and screamed at all of his visitors. Just thinking about that made him feel sick, but in order for him to prevent that from happening, he couldn’t just do nothing. It was the same thing as what he’d realized that morning, he then knew: if he didn’t ever attempt to make things better for himself, then nothing in his life would change, and that applied to this as much as it had the risk he’d taken when he’d made his final decision to ask Erwin out. 

“Fine.” He muttered then, worrying at his lip and immediately feeling a surge of anxiety that he’d made the wrong decision. 

Naturally, though, as he should have been able to predict by then, Erwin just continued on to try and encourage him more, smiling at him gently from the corner of his eye.

“You won’t be alone, alright? I’ll be there with you, and we can go wherever you feel most comfortable. I’ll do all the talking so that you won’t have to deal with anyone too. The only thing you need to do is tell me what looks bad on me so I won't make a mistake and buy it.”

Shaking his head, Levi actually snorted at that. Now that everything was decided and Erwin was being so nice, he had already begun to feel better — at least, just a little. He knew that he was going to have to deal with a lot of tension and distress in the coming hours, sure, but right then, after opening up to Erwin and telling him the truth, it was almost like a large weight had been lifted off his shoulders, relief calming him enough so that he was able to feel amusement at what Erwin had said. That was because the idea that any piece of clothing would look bad on him was flat out ridiculous, Levi thought, something that he was saying out loud before he had even had a chance to think about it. “Give me a fucking break. I don't think anything could look bad on you.” 

As soon as he said it, Erwin’s lips parted in what must have been surprise. For a moment he even appeared speechless, Levi thought, which was almost amusing because he had never seen him like that before. He could understand why, too, as he hadn’t expected an implication that he thought Erwin was hot to come out of his fucking mouth either, but whatever. It had, and despite the fact that it was probably an inopportune moment, Levi had already experienced enough humiliation for one evening to fucking care.

His only concern was how Erwin would respond, but his brief silence was only because he had been caught off guard. It was only a few more seconds after that before he started laughing, loudly, and when Levi — after he’d been staring down at his lap that entire time — finally allowed himself to look back over at him, finding himself treated with the heart-warming sight of Erwin's cheeks covered in a red glow. 

“I could say the same thing about you.” He said then, apparently determined that Levi should have a turn to blush and feel flustered too. “That's another reason I want you to come. You always look nice, and I really do need help.”

“I’ll try.” Levi said again after a brief pause, his head swirling with thoughts about how Erwin had just complimented his looks and just what exactly he had agreed to fucking do the next day, swallowing the urge he was getting already to back out. He wouldn’t do that, he thought, no matter how afraid or anxious he became, because even if he could get over letting himself down like that he was determined not to do it to Erwin. “I want to.”

“Are you sure?” Erwin asked, the encouraging smile on his face causing Levi to nod almost immediately.

“Yeah.”

“Alright. I'm glad.”

“I'm not driving, though.”

“That's fine. You don't have to drive.”

“Good. My license is expired.”

“How surprising.” Erwin said dryly, the curve of his lips now turning teasing. “I couldn’t have guessed.”

Levi scoffed at that, narrowing his eyes playfully and ignoring the thought that there was a very specific reason that he didn’t want to drive. In fact, he had decided a long time ago that he would never drive again in his entire life, but that didn’t matter right now. Erwin was smiling at him and looked cute with the last vestiges of his pink blush still lingering on his face, and Levi wanted to focus on that before he had to leave and he’d be left alone with only his fucking worries for company. That was probably going to be soon, he thought, because Erwin had his scholarship interview to prepare for, right? That’s what he’d told him, but it seemed that Erwin wanted to tell him one more thing before he went. 

“I should get going.” He said, his statement not surprising. “But one last thing. Ah...well—

“What is it?” Levi asked, raising an eyebrow, for some reason feeling his heart start to flutter too.

“I just don’t want you to forget about what I said before.” Erwin continued, his words further confusing Levi until suddenly, he felt something brush against where his fingers were resting in his lap. It was Erwin’s hand, he realized, slipping over his own so that he could curl his palm around it and hold it like he’d done in his backyard. “That is...if it helps, or if you need me to hold your hand, I’ll be there.”

For a moment, Levi was just as stunned as he’d been after Erwin had accepted his invitation to dinner, his heart jumping into his throat while his face warmed in an instant. He was flushing beet red, he was sure, but in that moment he didn’t care, too caught up in the fact that Erwin had reached out to hold his hand again. Before he even knew what he was doing, Levi was wrapping his own fingers around it and squeezing tightly, the movement an attempt for him to show the sudden swell of gratitude, determination, and  _ fondness  _ he felt then, continuing to hold on for what seemed like an entire minute while Erwin smiled at him. 

It took him a moment, but eventually Levi did smile back — a bit hesitantly this time, because although Erwin touching him like that made him happy, his words had reminded him all over again that he was going to try to go out in public — and held Erwin’s gaze, nodding after a moment to show him that he understood what he was offering. 

“Thanks, Erwin.” 


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Was leaving his property even worth it? Was giving it a try right then when he was still uncertain of just how exactly Erwin felt about him what he should do? What if it was a better idea to wait until later, when he was more ready and didn’t think he’d immediately get into Erwin’s car and start freaking the fuck out? He didn’t actually think that would happen, but if he could have longer to prepare for it, he thought, even a few more days to ready himself and work through all of his worries, then he might feel more confident and less distraught about attempting it. There would certainly be a chance that the outing would go better if he was less nervous about it, after all, and Erwin had told him he’d understand if Levi wouldn’t want to go when they’d discussed it, but—
> 
> No.

Once Erwin left after Levi had finally let go of his hand, the short respite he’d been given over his emotions immediately started to wane. Almost as soon as he’d gone to go prepare for his interview, in fact, Levi felt a swell of worry and near-panic crash over him, the realization of what he had actually agreed to fucking do the next day sinking in  _ for real _ and threatening to overwhelm him. Unfortunately, it had nearly done so by the time he’d closed his door behind Erwin and made it back into his kitchen to gather his empty drinking glass, and he found himself standing frozen in place in front of his sink with his eyes wide and his heart pounding, a sickening feeling of fear and regret welling in his chest that made him want to call Erwin back right away and tell him never mind. 

He couldn't fucking leave his property, he thought, what had he been thinking? How had he been convinced in the span of what felt like a few minutes that going into the city was a good idea, that taking himself out of his comfort zone and diving right smack dab into the middle of something that made him this distressed was something he should do? 

He was going to lose his shit, he just knew, and embarrass himself in front of Erwin, causing him to then actually see what a  _ real  _ disaster Levi was, and to not want to be around him anymore or see him ever again. That would mean they wouldn't end up eating dinner together after all, or have a date or even remain friends, and then Levi would be by himself all over again, lonely and distraught and back to square one, his hopes of actually finding happiness for once in his adult life lost, destroyed, and ruined, all because he'd taken too much of a risk by trying to go out in fucking public in the first place. 

_ No.  _ Levi suddenly told himself though, somehow managing to break out of his trance of racing, panicky thoughts to try and calm himself down.  _ That isn't going to happen.  _

Erwin had told him it wouldn’t, hadn’t he? He had, almost verbatim, and Levi had agreed to do this because of him. He’d been the one to earnestly invite him out again, he recalled, to convince Levi that he could at least  _ try  _ while reassuring him that he’d be at his side all the way. Even after Levi had opened up and admitted that the idea scared him he hadn’t backed down, and it was all because Erwin liked him, because he’d wanted to take his shopping trip as an opportunity to spend more time with him since they’d had to postpone their dinner date. 

_ “I want to see you before then.”  _ Was exactly what he’d said, in fact, words that he’d spoken in a soft, hopeful tone, one that Levi was sure implied something romantic. 

Why else would he be going out on a limb like this? Why else would he have said ‘yes’ when Levi had asked him out? There wasn’t any other reason, Levi told himself, and Erwin wanting them to go on an errand together and being so supportive about Levi’s issues was a good thing, and that was what he should be focusing on rather than spending his night fretting and nervous and upset. Instead, he thought, he should be reveling in the fact that Erwin had responded to his dinner invitation so well, that he’d  _ held his fucking hand  _ again at the table and looked into his eyes when he spoke. All of those things were promising and did make him unbelievably happy, but it was hard to remain that way when he couldn’t shake the thought that he might do something the next day to ruin everything.

Even while reminding himself over and over again of Erwin’s words that it wouldn’t change anything between them, he couldn’t rid himself of the tight, nervous pit in his belly, thinking that it was easy for Erwin to say shit like that when he had never actually seen Levi in the throes of an anxiety attack in the first place. That was what could happen even though he didn’t like admitting it or that he even fucking had those at all, but it was possible, and he was just afraid that Erwin wouldn’t actually be able to deal with the shaking, breathless, hysterical version of himself when he’d never experienced it before. 

He’d be so embarrassed if that happened anyway that he felt like he could die just thinking about it, and it became apparent that he almost feared one of those coming on more than he actually feared leaving his property. He hated the helpless, out of control feeling that came with panicking that badly, he thought, and he hated that he had so little sway over his own mind and body that it even fucking happened at all. It was frustrating, but it  _ was  _ true that he hadn’t had one in a long time. The last instance where he’d come close was when Shadis had fucked up his pool and he’d thought the kids were hurt or something, in fact, but he’d been able to recognize the signs and calm himself down then before he’d ended up completely losing his shit. 

Would he be able to do that the next day, though? He didn’t know, because even if he liked to think that he could, he worried that everything outside would just be so overwhelming for him that he wouldn’t be able to keep a handle on himself. If he couldn’t, he thought, then based on what Erwin had said he’d just take him back to his car and bring him home, and after he’d relaxed again they’d just continue on like nothing had even happened, right? That was how he wanted to believe it would play out if he panicked, but his worries kept trying to tell him otherwise, and it was all he could do to keep himself distracted that night so he wouldn’t start seriously thinking about canceling their outing. 

As uneasy as he was about it, he didn’t want to do that, because he’d told Erwin he would go and he didn’t want to disappoint him. He didn’t want to blow him off when he was being so patient and kind with him about it either, and of course, he didn’t want to not try and then end up never attempting to try again, and live out the rest of his life stuck inside of his house, alone. He’d turn into some awful old man if he did that, and that was what he’d decided earlier anyway. He was determined to give it a go for that reason too, and even because he also wanted to prove to himself that he could live his life without his fucking thoughts getting the best of him. 

He knew how the worried ones could beat him down, he thought, how they could worm their way in through every reassuring thing he’d told himself and play off his doubts, making him feel worse and causing him to go from wondering if he  _ could   _ back out to convincing him that he should. It was stupid, and he didn’t want that to happen — not this time — and so after he’d managed to finally move away from his sink, he decided that the best thing he could do that night was keep himself distracted as much as he could.

With that in mind, the first thing he did was cook, putting away what he’d intended on using for his big, full-course meal with Erwin for another time and deciding to fix himself some soup instead. It was more simple, but the recipe was still complicated and required concentration — one that he’d picked exactly for that reason because he’d have to put a lot of thought into it rather than anything else — but it only took 40 minutes to prepare, leaving him with the options of eating it alone in his dining room with nothing but his thoughts, or in his living room in front of the television with a glass of wine.

Obviously, he chose the latter, but ended up grabbing a bottle of vodka instead, deciding after a brief pause that this night required something stronger than the usual glasses of mild alcohol he normally had when he was having a difficult time. After pouring himself a drink he took that and his food and turned on the first interesting movie he saw, an action flick about a regenerating superhero in a red and black suit with lots of violence and swearing and humor. It was entertaining enough to even make him snort a few times because of the ridiculous shit he said, and after that was over, he felt relaxed enough to take a bath, to soak in his tub with another drink until he was warm and buzzed and finally ready for bed. 

Thankfully, he was able to fall asleep quickly without lying there or being kept awake by his thoughts, but his good luck with that could apparently only last for so long. It barely seemed like an hour before he was waking up again with a start, finding that his heart was pounding rapidly inside his chest and his mouth was dry, and that so much alarm was running through him that he almost couldn’t even breathe for a few moments. It was because he’d had a fucking nightmare, he realized once his mind cleared from sleep, a dream that he’d been trapped inside of a broken elevator with a crowd of strangers and no Erwin in sight. It had started to fall and everyone was screaming when he’d woken up, and he swore immediately, throwing himself out of bed in frustration to get a glass of water because of how fucking stupid it was. 

It had just been a bad dream, but he knew exactly why he’d had it, and it was enough to get his tension level back up, so much so that he slept like shit for the rest of the night. He tossed and turned and struggled to fall back asleep, always waking up again in the span of what always felt like just an hour after he’d actually managed to finally do so in the first place. His irritation over it  — and not to mention his concern over how this was going to affect how everything went the next morning — made his anxiousness worse, and by the time 7:30 AM rolled around he’d already given up and gotten out of bed, finding himself in the shower and wondering all over again whether or not this was a good idea. 

Was leaving his property even worth it? Was giving it a try right then when he was still uncertain of just how exactly Erwin felt about him what he should do? What if it was a better idea to wait until later, when he was more ready and didn’t think he’d immediately get into Erwin’s car and start freaking the fuck out? He didn’t actually think that would happen, but if he could have longer to prepare for it, he thought, even a few more days to ready himself and work through all of his worries, then he might feel more confident and less distraught about attempting it. There would certainly be a chance that the outing would go better if he was less nervous about it, after all, and Erwin  _ had  _ told him he’d understand if Levi wouldn’t want to go when they’d discussed it, but—

_ No.  _ The shitty thoughts he was having right then were exactly the type that Levi had told himself he needed to avoid the night before, he realized, his will to not fall for it returning abruptly as he got out of the shower. He was going to give it a try no matter what, he told himself, and he wouldn’t put it off — he just couldn’t — but he was still just...afraid. He didn’t know if he could even though he did want to, and he wondered which would be worse in the end: the embarrassment and self-deprecation he would experience at telling Erwin he didn’t want to go after all, or the heartbreak and hopelessness he’d feel if he did something to ruin his and Erwin’s blossoming relationship — if that was what it even was in the first place.

He knew it would be the latter, of course, and that was a risk that he just didn’t know if he wanted to take no matter what. Because of that, he felt split down the middle about his decision, his worrying and the sickening, anxious feeling he had sitting so heavily in his belly that he felt nauseous, and it was all he could do to go downstairs and force himself to continue with his morning routine like he was still going to go out. He didn’t know what to do and found himself wondering what Erwin would say if he was honest about his fears again, but before he could decide whether or not to message him, his phone ended up going off anyway. 

_ Good morning, Mr. Ackerman. _ Was the message he received — a text from Erwin that was the first one he’d ever sent him. They had each other’s numbers just for business purposes but had only communicated by e-mail so far, and Levi was almost relieved when the thought made his heart flutter, the warm sensation at least indicating that he wasn’t  _ completely  _ consumed by his nerves at that point and could actually feel other things.  _ I woke up a bit late, I’m sorry. But I’m about to leave. If you’re still up for today, that is.  _

Swallowing, Levi read Erwin’s words a few times while debating on what to say, knowing that if he _did_ want to cancel, this was his opportunity. Erwin had just given him an out by asking him that, he thought, and it would be less stressful for him to say no when he hadn’t been the one to bring it up. He still didn’t want to let him down though, in the end, and so he decided that even if it had the potential to embarrass him, it was probably in his best interests to just be honest like before. _yeah,_ _i am. i want to try, like i said, but i don’t know if i fucking should._

_ Okay.  _ Erwin answered immediately. _ Can I ask why? _

Levi bit his lip for a second, debating one last time, and then finally let out a sigh before he continued.  _ what if i freak the fuck out? _

_ Then I’ll bring you back home right away, and it’ll be alright. It won’t matter. _

_ yeah. unless you end up thinking i’m crazy. _

_ I’m not going to think you’re crazy. _

_ how do i know?  _

_ Because if I was going to think you were crazy, I probably already would have. You gave off a very confusing impression when I first met you, I have to admit. ;-)  Also, I know this isn’t something you can help, and I’m not going to judge you if something happens. It won’t change anything, like I said yesterday. I...understand what it’s like to deal with something like this, just a little. _

When Levi received that message, his eyes widened while reading it. It was mixture of all kinds of things, he thought, going from Erwin teasing him about his past behavior to reassuring him again that it wouldn’t matter if everything went badly, to then admitting something to him that made him understand a bit more  _ why  _ Erwin was being so supportive about this. Did he get nervous like Levi did too, or was it something else? He couldn’t be sure as Erwin’s words were vague, but it was enough to make Levi feel a bit better, and to calm him down and at least make him feel more confident that going outside wasn’t a decision that would result in the worst happening. 

_ okay.  _ He said then, pausing for a few seconds because there was still one more question rattling around in his head, one more thing that he couldn’t stop worrying about and wanted to know the answer too so he could be sure. 

Wondering if he should ask, he stared at his phone before eventually deciding that it was stupid of him not to, that there was no reason for him to feel like he couldn’t in the first place after the other stuff he and Erwin had talked about. 

_ will you still want to eat dinner with me?  _ Levi typed then, continuing after he’d hit send to make sure he was clear. _ i mean, when your interview is done? _

_ Yes. I promise. I’m looking forward to it. :-) _

With that, Levi felt enough tension leave him so that he slumped down into his chair, exhaling the breath that he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding while waiting on Erwin’s response in a rush. It was stupid that he’d needed that reassurance again, he thought, as deep down inside he hadn’t truly expected Erwin to answer him in any other way. His doubts were what had made him ask though, of course, and not to mention his anxiousness about the fucking shopping trip, but after reading Erwin’s words over a few times he felt much, much more relaxed knowing that even if he  _ did  _ panic or something, it wasn’t going to matter. Erwin had just  _ promised  _ him, Levi thought, which was even better than what he’d said the afternoon before, and he knew him well enough by then to think that Erwin wasn’t the kind of person who would go back on his word when it was something that important.

_ So should I come pick you up? _ Erwin texted him a moment later, causing Levi to this time answer his question without any of the prior hesitation he’d experienced before.

_ yeah.  _

_ Do you want me to grab you anything on the way? Have you eaten? _

_ yeah. _ Levi answered again, as he’d been forcing oatmeal down his throat while they’d been talking. He was a second away from telling Erwin that he didn’t need anything else either when he suddenly yawned, the impulse making him realize how tired he was and how his eyes were still burning from a lack of sleep, and to text Erwin with a request for something that he didn’t often make before he had even fully thought about it.  _ i need coffee. _

_ Alright. I’ll be there in about 20 minutes. _

After that, there wasn’t much for Levi to do except sit at his kitchen table and wait, his attention ending up focused on his phone while he reread the messages from Erwin over and over again in an attempt to retain the small amounts of courage he’d just gotten. He tried not to think about how strongly his nerves were still dancing in his belly and how queasy it was making him feel too, because even if he was less concerned about Erwin not being able to handle his reaction, he still had to go into public in the first place. The thought was still just as nerve-wracking as it had always been, of course, and although he didn’t get carried away worrying about it, Levi thought his heart was going to beat out of his chest once he finally heard Erwin driving up and he met him at the door. 

It had been no less than 22 minutes since he’d told Levi he was leaving — he was sure about that, as he felt like he’d watched almost every single second pass by while he’d been waiting — and Erwin greeted him with a warm styrofoam cup of coffee in his hands, smiling down at him softly while Levi reached out to take it. 

“Thanks.” He murmured while staring at the lid, feeling oddly touched that Erwin had brought it to him after he’d said he needed it. It wasn’t like it was a huge request or anything, but he’d still done it with no questions asked, agreeing immediately and buying it from what Levi knew to be a pricey chain of bakeries, no less. He’d never been there but he recognized the logo on the cup, and he bit his lip, pausing for a moment before he glanced up at Erwin and spoke again. “I’ll pay you back.”

“Don’t worry about it. Are you ready to go?” Erwin responded, eyeing Levi in an obviously careful manner, watching him closely while he stiffened up at the question and inhaled sharply.

It was more like he’d taken a deep breath, really, because Erwin’s question had caused a sickening jolt of apprehension to shoot through his belly, the feeling of it so strong that he’d filled his lungs with air in an almost instinctual attempt to keep himself calm. It didn’t really help that much, but whatever. He’d known Erwin was going to ask him that and that it was time to leave now that he was there, and although Levi wasn’t going to say no, it took him a few seconds before he was able to steel himself enough to nod and lock his door behind him. 

His stomach remained in knots after that while Erwin led him to his car, only lessening in the slightest bit when he walked to the passenger’s side and opened Levi’s door for him. He snorted when he did it but then climbed in, feeling a mild amusement at what he would have normally considered an over-the-top, unnecessary gesture while his cheeks grew warm all the same. It wasn’t enough to lessen the tension in his body, but it did make him feel something other than nervousness, reminding him that although he was leaving his property and going on an outing, he was doing so with Erwin, because Erwin had invited him, because he wanted to spend time with him and because he apparently was willing to have a dinner date with him.

Having the positive side of things more apparent — now sitting right next to him in the car, in fact — Levi was able to relax a bit more more, placing his coffee into a cup holder while he got comfortable in his seat, pulling on his seatbelt and making sure he was strapped in securely and that there was some kind of handle within reach before he checked to see if Erwin had done the same. He hadn’t, Levi noticed, despite the fact that he’d already started his engine and was preparing to put it in gear, and once he put his foot on the brake, Levi could not help the note of concern he felt, nor the impulse he had to open his mouth and ask him about it. 

“Your seatbelt.” He blurted, his lips staying parted for a moment afterward when he wasn’t sure if Erwin knew what he meant, hoping that he hadn’t overstepped or anything by pointing it out to him either. 

He didn’t want to seem like he was nagging him or anything, but car rides sometimes made him tense and anxious too, and taking precautions for safety was the only way he had found that would help to assuage that. 

“Oh.” Erwin said though, cracking a small smile when he realized. “Sorry. I was going to put it on when we reached the road. Thank you.”

“It’s okay.” Levi responded immediately, biting his lip and sitting back again once Erwin had buckled his seatbelt. 

He sat up straight in his seat and took his coffee to hold it in one hand, leaving the other sitting on the armrest near the window in case he needed to grab the handle there quickly. After that, he just stayed still while Erwin put his car into gear and started maneuvering it down Levi’s driveway, trying to ignore the fear dancing through him while he took a sip of his coffee and gazed out the window. It wasn’t bad, he thought, despite the fact that he didn’t usually drink the shit, and was the extra kick of caffeine he needed in addition to his normal, preferred morning cup of tea to finally start to feel more alert and less tired. Sipping on it gave him something to do instead of just sitting there, too, finding that he was grateful to have even just that small activity to distract him from the pit in his stomach while they rode in the car. 

They were both silent as Erwin pulled out of Levi’s driveway and onto the main street of his neighborhood, but it was comfortable between them, and with his drink in hand Levi felt less and less on edge as each minute ticked by. It partly had to do with how everything they passed outside the window captivated him, probably, because it was all scenery that he had not laid his eyes upon in years. Everything, from the grass and the trees and the scattered houses here and there, caught his attention, all of it seemingly new to him because he hadn’t seen any of it in so long. It was surreal in a way, he thought, because although he did remember some of the sights, a lot of it was different by then, and there were even a few new things that he didn’t recognize, including a huge, gated mansion at the end of the street that appeared to be about twice the size of what his own house actually was.

“Shit.” He said when he saw it, staring at the long driveway with wide eyes, following it up to where it circled around an ornate, overly decorated fountain that was bigger than Erwin’s damned car. “That wasn’t there before.”

“The house, or the fountain?” Erwin replied, the sound of his voice drowning out the noise of his engine and the squeak of his brakes when he slowed to a stop at the end of Levi’s street. 

There was a red light there, and he glanced out his window too while they waited for it to turn green, eyeing both Levi and the fountain that he was talking about with a smile. 

“Both.” Was Levi’s response, his exclamation followed up with a grimace when he eyed the poor state of the plants that they had in their front yard. “Their lawn looks like shit.”

At that, Erwin chuckled a bit, causing Levi to look back over at him as the light turned green and he took a left. “Maybe they should hire a gardener.”

“Are you gonna apply?”

“No. Why would I do that?”

“I dunno. Maybe I’m not paying you enough, or something.” Levi teased, even as he took in new sights outside the window.

They were on the main road by then and Erwin had started going faster, causing all of the trees and houses to pass by quickly. The sun was shining and everything was bright and green because it was summer, and Levi was only able to tear his eyes away because of what Erwin said next. 

“You’re paying me enough.” He assured him. “Even if you weren’t, I think I’d still like the job.”

“Huh? Why?” Levi asked, glancing over at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Because it’s how I met you.” Erwin said, the smile on his face growing wider as he looked between Levi and the road in front of him. 

The car jostled as he drove and Levi stared at him for a moment, swaying a bit in his seat and feeling a familiar fluttering and fondness spread throughout his chest at Erwin’s words. They were sweet, he thought, and somehow obviously genuine, and Levi was almost able to completely forget how on edge he still was about going shopping, swallowing while his cheeks warmed and he was again reminded of what had originally prompted this outing in the first place: Erwin. It was because of him, or because of how he likely felt about Levi — something that seemed to have become an unspoken understanding between them after he’d asked Erwin on a date and he’d said yes — and it was promising, and made him happy even though he still felt like he might shit himself from nerves once he stepped outside of the car. 

Biting back a small smile all the same, Levi nodded, finding that he wanted to respond somehow, to tell Erwin that he felt the same way and he was glad that they’d met too. However, his face was already red and he was quickly becoming too flustered to speak — likely because the mental strain from his trip outside had left his emotions harder to control — and so he turned his gaze away instead, swallowing while he stared with widened eyes out the window and waiting only a single second before he did something else. 

Quickly, before he could lose his nerve, he moved his hand off of his lap with a jerk, reaching to where he knew Erwin’s was still resting on the car’s console in between their seats to plant his palm over it. His movements weren’t slow or, well…. _ smooth _ like Erwin’s had been the afternoon before, but this was the first time  _ he’d  _ been the one to grab  _ Erwin’s  _ hand, and as soon as he’d made contact Levi wrapped his fingers around it so he could hold on with a tight grasp. 

He did so almost instinctively like he was afraid that Erwin might let go — even while knowing at the same time that logically, because he’d told Levi the afternoon before that this was fine, he wouldn’t — but for a moment it actually did seem like he’d done something wrong, as Erwin stiffened a bit when he touched him and immediately glanced over at Levi from across the car. Levi could feel his eyes on him, he realized, moving back and forth from the side of his face to the road, and it just made his cheeks warm that much more, his fingers tightening around Erwin’s while he bit his lip.

“Are you alright?” Erwin asked him after another moment, the slightest note of concern in his voice that made Levi realize it wasn’t that he was put off, or anything, he probably just thought that he’d grabbed him because he was about to have a fucking meltdown or something.

After all, he  _ had  _ told Levi it was alright to hold his hand, yes, but it had been while offering him support, letting him know that the option was there for him if he got too tense or anxious while out in public — not with the assumption that Levi would do it because he liked Erwin and felt the impulse to show him how, and because, he thought, he just wanted to. Erwin’s hand was as warm as it always was, a grounding anchor in opposition to how his mind was racing, and he nodded several times in response to Erwin’s question, quickly and obviously so that his answer would be clear. He did so while still staring out the window, too, even though he was no longer focusing on the scenery outside, and only managed to glance back at Erwin after a few seconds, moving his head just enough so that he could see him from the corner of his eye when he continued to remain silent. 

He must have still been a little concerned that Levi wasn’t actually alright like he’d said, but when he caught sight of his expression — a relatively composed one, Levi thought, because he  _ was  _ as fine as he could be, at least right then — he relaxed and seemed to realize, giving Levi a smile before he squeezed his hand back. He even wound their fingers together so that they were interlocked a few moments later, Levi noted, his heart skipping a beat while he blushed hotter, and swept his thumb across the back of Levi’s palm, the soft, gentle touch helping him to feel more calm than he had all morning. 

He stayed that way while they drove on, his uneasiness still there but much more manageable and not threatening to erupt into something worse without warning, the both of them remaining silent for the most part while Levi continued to watch everything pass by out the window. It was comfortable and warm between them just like it had been before, and they held hands for the entire rest of the ride, Erwin’s fingers squeezing Levi’s reassuringly every so often when they began to get close to the city. 

It wasn’t actually the city — or at least, it wasn’t the downtown part of where they lived — but that was what Levi called it, as it might as well have been for him even though it was really just a suburb. He lived in a wealthy, spacious neighborhood that was out past it and hadn’t been built up yet, and the calm quiet of the country had aided him in relaxing too once they’d left his house. Once they started heading into civilization, so to speak, he began to get nervous again, as traffic increased quickly and he could see how busy and bustling everything was growing all around him.

There were red lights and intersections everywhere now, he saw, and shopping centers and restaurants here and there with people and cars scattered about all over the place. For someone like him who hadn’t experienced anything like that in years, it was a lot going on, and Levi now found the sights outside the window overwhelming, where only minutes before he’d been watching them pass by with interest. Sitting back into his seat, he stared straight ahead out of the car’s front window and only let his eyes wander to what he could see there, chewing on his lip while he fidgeted and his grip tightened around Erwin’s hand.

“Alright?” He asked him again when he felt it, glancing to Levi quickly as he stopped at a red light. 

They were in a turning lane, Levi realized, which led into one of largest fucking shopping centers he’d seen so far, and for the first time that day since he’d been in Erwin’s presence, he had to pause to think about whether he  _ was  _ alright or not. He felt very apprehensive, he thought, and the feeling of dread was back along with the pit in his stomach, as imagining himself going into one of these buildings that he’d already seen with people mulling about made his heart threaten to jump up into his chest. 

It was stupid, he thought again, so,  _ so  _ stupid, because it wasn’t that he was afraid of people. Most of the time he didn’t give a shit about what strangers thought about him either, so what was the problem? Was it because he was just more of a guarded person in general, someone that didn’t mind being by themselves and who felt uncomfortable and awkward when he had to be around others that he didn’t know? That was probably part of it, as even if he’d always been that way to some degree, it had gotten much, much worse over time because of how he’d basically isolated himself inside his home. Just like his aversion to going out had become something phobia-like over the years, his mild distaste for socialization in general had turned into this, to nerves and anxiety and the fear that doing it in the first place would just make all that worse, and unfortunately, both of those issues had just combined to form one, big hang-up that Levi was unsure he’d ever be able to overcome. 

He wanted to, of course, and he was trying, but what if someone said something to him and he made a fool of himself in front of Erwin? That was the other part of this, he knew, as although he could care less if some random stranger thought he was an asshole, he didn’t want Erwin to think that. He didn’t want to do anything to alienate him or embarrass him, but would that happen? Didn’t Erwin say that he would do all the talking? He had, and that meant even if someone talked to Levi directly he could just ignore them and let Erwin answer, right?

“Uh.” He started then, swallowing to coat his dry throat and glancing over at Erwin. “Didn’t you say I don't have to talk?”

Immediately, Erwin nodded, his hand still a warm comfort against Levi’s own, and only looked away when the light turned green and he had to pull into the shopping center. “Yes. I’ll do it. I promise.”

“Okay.” Levi said, exhaling as some of his tension lessened and he felt slightly more calm again — or at least, for the moment, anyway. “Okay. Which store are we going to?”

“I thought we could go to the department store on this block. It’s big, but there’s usually no crowds, especially in the morning. And the people that work there shouldn’t bother us either, unless we ask them for help.”

Nodding, Levi let his eyes wander slowly, the two of them searching out the department store that Erwin was talking about. He spotted it as they rounded a corner in the shopping center parking lot and thankfully didn’t experience any kind of fresh panic, as he was pleased to see that Erwin was right: there weren’t many cars out front and he didn’t see any other customers standing around outside. Erwin’s words about why he’d picked that place made sense too, and he felt a bit of warmth through all of the tension from the fact that Erwin had even taken the time to consider all of that shit.

“If you’re not comfortable with this place though, we can go somewhere else. I won’t mind.” Erwin still told him once they’d parked, his eyes on Levi while he waited for a response and turned off his engine.

He was watching him closely, Levi thought, while he brushed his thumb across his hand again, and he sat there with his lips parted for a moment, knowing that if he said he approved of this store that it would be time to get out of the car and go inside. That was when the real test would begin, he knew, as even if he  _ was  _ off his property already, so far he’d just been riding with Erwin in his vehicle, alone. Now, he was going to have to go into public for real and be in the presence of other people inside of a huge, noisy department store, but as uneasy as he felt about it, he tried to tell himself that it would be fine. He didn’t have to speak to anyone, he reminded himself, and he could just follow Erwin around the entire time. He could pretend that they were the only two people in the store if he wanted, and he’d already come this far, right?

He had, and he sure as fuck wasn’t going to back down after they’d driven so far and gotten so close to this  _ not  _ being a disaster, and so he shook his head after glancing down at where Erwin’s fingers were still interlocked with his own, staring at them while he unbuckled his seatbelt and took a deep breath.

“It’s fine.” He said. “Let’s just go.”

His words were said out of a sudden willingness to get this over with, to just go inside and give it a try so that he could get back home again after and relax. He was getting tired of feeling apprehensive and worrying about it, and debating back and forth in the car or wallowing in his nerves was just prolonging things and making it all worse. Still, though, he tensed up when Erwin let go of his hand so he could reach for the door handle, swallowing at the sudden lack of contact before he steeled himself again, twisting in his seat, opening his own door, and stepping out onto the pavement of the parking lot while Erwin walked around to meet him. He gave Levi a small, reassuring smile and this time took the initiative to take his hand again himself, and with their fingers interlocked once more, Levi followed him, his feet taking him closer and closer to the entrance of the department store. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next up: the good part :)


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit. Levi thought, just seconds after he’d stepped foot inside the store’s entryway. Shit, shit shit.
> 
> The curse repeated like a mantra in his head as he immediately stopped in place, freezing so suddenly that Erwin — who was a bit ahead of him and still holding Levi’s hand — had his arm jerked back, his shoulders stiffening in surprise as he all but whirled around to face him. His expression echoed the sentiment and was laced with concern too, of course, but by that point Levi barely noticed, as it was all he could do to maintain control over himself while he took in the onslaught of unfamiliar sights and sounds that had suddenly appeared in front of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've worked on, edited, and re-written so much of this chapter for so long that words don't even make sense anymore. i can't tell what sounds good and what doesnt, but i was ready to get it out so i hope its ok T__T

_ Shit. _ Levi thought, just seconds after he’d stepped foot inside the store’s entryway.  _ Shit, shit shit. _

The curse repeated like a mantra in his head as he immediately stopped in place, freezing so suddenly that Erwin — who was a bit ahead of him and still holding Levi’s hand — had his arm jerked back, his shoulders stiffening in surprise as he all but whirled around to face him. His expression echoed the sentiment and was laced with concern too, of course, but by that point Levi barely noticed, as it was all he could do to maintain control over himself while he took in the onslaught of unfamiliar sights and sounds that had suddenly appeared in front of him. 

It was so fucking much, he thought, so noisy and bright and full of activity on what seemed like 100 different levels that he was immediately overwhelmed. It was like the bustle that he’d seen outside of the car once they’d made it into the city except much, much worse, because instead of it being far away from him the entire commotion was now right in front of his face, assaulting his senses and causing him to feel such a sudden, intense swell of anxiety and fear that it nearly consumed him. 

What the hell? He wondered. What the fuck was going on in this place? The answer was everything, apparently, because not only could Levi hear loud, bubbly pop music and see bright fluorescent lighting, there were handfuls of people in his line of vision too, some on cash registers or pushing carts full of merchandise, and some checking out or shopping, walking around the store alone, with children, or while talking on their cell phones casually. In and out of the aisles they wandered, Levi noticed, barely paying any mind to anything else except for finding just exactly what kind of crap it was that they wanted to buy.

Of that there was a lot — a fucking shit ton really, although even that was probably an understatement — as Levi saw hundreds and hundreds of racks of clothing everywhere, along with table displays and shelves hanging on makeshift walls, and random piles of merchandise shoved into bins placed here and there around the store. There were signs directing customers to different sections and towards things like the restrooms, check-out registers, or the customer service area, which was something that might have seemed ridiculous had Levi not felt like he’d just stepped inside some kind of cavernous maze. It was like he was in a warehouse or something, he thought, because the ceilings were so high and all of the clothing and shit stretched so far back that he couldn’t see where any of it ended, finding that his view of the seemingly neverending racks was only interrupted by criss-crossing aisles and various check-out counters placed around in convenient areas for customers too.

It was so much, so, so fucking much that he didn’t even know what to focus on and couldn’t possibly digest it all at once, because after being stuck inside his house for years, he just wasn’t used to it. He hadn’t experienced anything like this in a long time, and now he felt like he’d just been thrown right into the middle of some kind of shark tank or something, immediately thrust into the thick of what just so happened to overwhelm him the fucking most.

_ Shit.  _ He thought again, barely able to hear anything that he was thinking over the loud sound of his heart beating wildly in his chest. Even if he could, he probably wouldn’t have even been able to make sense of it anyway, because his mind was racing so fast that it almost seemed like everything else was happening in slow motion around him. That didn't help his anxiety though, because all in all, there was still just too much going on for him to catch his bearings, or for him to even be able to concentrate on keeping himself calm at the same time so that he could even try.

Suddenly feeling like he couldn’t breathe, like everything was closing in around him, Levi squeezed Erwin’s hand without even noticing,  _ hard _ , and began to get the sense that he was going to panic. He couldn’t do this, he thought, why had he ever believed it was a good idea? It was too much too soon, and he didn’t know how he could handle any one of the things he could see, much less all of them at the same time. What was going to happen when he went further inside? Was it going to be that noisy and bustling while they shopped? Hadn’t Erwin told him the place wouldn’t be crowded?

It actually wasn’t, not really, but for someone like Levi who was used to no one, a large, noisy store with a handful of employees and shoppers around was still enough to jar him. With that many people around who knew what the fuck might happen once they started shopping, he thought, and that, in general, was what fed Levi’s fears. It was unpredictable in there, erratic and unfamiliar to him because he was no longer in his carefully controlled comfort zone at home, and he suddenly  _ knew  _ he was going to lose his shit, realizing at the same time that his palms were sweaty and the twisting, tightly strung anxiety roiling through him was making his head spin. 

Naturally, that just made everything all the more worse, because his apprehension over panicking in the first place had been almost just as strong as the rest of his worries. He was going to embarrass himself, he thought, just like he’d fucking known he would, and make a scene, and Erwin was going to get freaked out and not want to see him anymore. He knew it was going to happen — he could feel it in his belly, the scared, out of control feeling rising up into his chest and muddling his thoughts — but somehow, before it could consume him all the way, he at least had the sense to turn around and head back through the door, hurrying outside in a frantic, last ditch effort to try to find a place where he might be able to breathe and calm himself down.

If he couldn’t, he didn’t want anyone inside the store to see him — including Erwin, who Levi had wrenched his hand free from before he’d left, his only thought that maybe he wouldn’t follow him so that he wouldn’t end up watching Levi embarrass himself more than he already had. So mortified by that idea was he that he didn’t even give any consideration to the fact that he’d be outside in a public space, alone, but it wasn’t like it mattered anyway, because Erwin didn’t waste a single second in heading after him once he’d walked away. 

“Mr. Ackerman.” He said, stepping out of the door behind Levi, following right on his heels as he almost aimlessly walked a few yards away from the store entrance. “Wait!”

At that, Levi did wait, stopping in place next to a bench and going very, very still, but only because he’d gone far enough and he needed to try and get a handle on himself. Clenching his fists, Levi focused his gaze downward and on the ground, staring at the concrete and forcing himself to not look away while he tried to calm his breathing. By then, it was hitching and coming to him so fast that he felt like he’d just run across the entire parking lot or something, with the effect made only worse by how rapidly his heart was hammering in his chest. It was pounding so loud that he could hear it in his ears while he fought not to feel sick, but somehow, after a minute of keeping his eyes locked on one thing and concentrating on just breathing in and out steadily too, Levi sensed that his brush with panic was passing. 

Slowly, he began to calm down, to feel like things in his surrounding environment and inside his head were more under control. That was probably because it was quieter outside and more open — just the thought of walking deeper into the store while he’d been standing there had made him feel trapped — but either way, his head cleared quick once the worst of it had passed and he was able to actually think, to reason out what had just happened and to also feel the intense mortification that he’d known he would after imagining how ridiculous he’d seemed.

“Fuck.” He swore, practically snarling the word as he closed his eyes and lifted his hands up towards his head.

He planted them on top of it, so frustrated and fed up with himself all of a sudden that his fingers curled into his hair and became tangled up in it, but before the familiar, hot prickle of tears could come too, Levi turned away in an attempt to hide himself. He was aware that Erwin was still standing in front of him, of course, and he didn’t want him to see — he’d seen enough, Levi thought with exasperation — but as soon as he twisted away Erwin was grabbing his arm, wrapping his fingers around it tightly enough to cause Levi to freeze in place all over again. 

“Wait.” Erwin said when Levi looked at him in surprise a moment later, his eyes widening at the sudden contact. It had caught him off guard, and upon noticing, Erwin let go immediately, holding his hands up as if he was afraid he shouldn’t have touched him or something. He’d reacted like he was afraid he’d just made things worse, but even though Levi  _ was  _ still reeling from before, it didn’t startle him enough to bring his alarm back. Rather, he actually felt a bit calmer instead, because even if he had felt like he’d humiliated himself, Erwin’s expression only contained concern. There wasn’t any hint of the disappointment or revulsion like Levi had feared he’d see, and although he was frowning and his brows were drawn down, he still somehow managed to look gentle. “It’s alright. Are you okay?” 

For a moment, Levi did not respond. Instead he just stood there, lowering his eyes once more while his mind drifted back to what had happened in the store and he tried to figure out how to answer. Right that second, he thought, he was okay enough — if ‘okay’ meant that he wasn’t in the throes of a panic attack. He’d almost had one and had managed to stop it before it got too bad, but he’d failed to keep himself under control inside of the store. He’d barely even taken five steps through the damned door before it had fucking happened too, and although he was relatively calm right then, he still felt some remaining vestiges of the intense fear and nerves he’d experienced because he was still not at home.

“In general?” He ended up answering Erwin with, in a low, muttering voice that seemed to echo his frustration. “Or right now?”

His tone was a bit sarcastic too, naturally — he couldn’t help it, even then — and the huff of amusement that left Erwin’s lips after he’d spoken let him know that he’d caught on. “Both?”

Levi paused another moment, thinking again before he just shrugged. He didn’t know how to answer and he wasn’t sure that his head was clear enough right then to pretend to be positive about it even if he wanted to, as he had no idea what the fuck they were going to do next.

“Do you want to go home?” Erwin asked him though, the concern heavy enough in his voice to make Levi feel guilty.

He assumed it was more because  _ he  _ didn’t want to leave than over Levi’s mental fortitude, but even if that wasn’t the case, Levi already knew his answer despite everything that had just happened.

“Yeah. But I’m not gonna go.”

“Do you want to go to another store? A smaller one?” 

Biting his lip at that, Levi thought. He didn’t want to go home because he still didn’t want to give up, as even though the worst had almost happened, they’d already gotten this far and forgetting it would just make all of that a waste of time — especially for Erwin, who legitimately needed clothes and had taken a risk on inviting Levi along when he was short on time. He supposed going to a smaller store wouldn’t be too much of a hassle, but would that really make a difference? Was he less likely to lose his shit inside of a calmer place than in the huge department store?

Maybe, but then there would be less space and a closer proximity to people, and if Levi had felt like he’d been trapped in a big store then he  _ definitely  _ would inside a smaller one. More than that, though, he felt like it was stupid to have to go to a different place. Why the fuck did it matter what kind of store they shopped in? Why couldn’t he just act like a normal person and go into a casual, public place like that without any problems? What was the big deal, and what was he so fucking scared of that made him so apprehensive?

He’d asked himself that question before, of course, and had concluded that it was a mixture of a lot of things, of fear of the unknown — he didn’t know what might happen in there, after all — and dread about how he might react to it. His worries over panicking and embarrassing himself had probably been about half of it, which had made it a lot worse inside when he’d felt too overwhelmed to keep a handle on his emotions. That was also because there had just been so much going on, he thought, everywhere he’d fucking looked, but wasn’t it just standard, normal everyday shit? It wasn’t like people were acting crazy or he was going to die in there or something, after all, so why couldn’t he just get over it?

Despite what had happened, he actually felt like he possibly could — or at least might be able to not lose his shit if he went back in there again. True, the thought of it made his stomach flip and tighten with anxiety, but thinking back on what he had seen, he felt like it had just been the sudden onslaught of so many unfamiliar sights and loud noises at once that had been overwhelming. Now that he had processed it he thought that he might be able to handle it if they went back inside again, albeit in a much slower way so that he wouldn’t be nearly dragged into the middle of it at once.

“No.” Levi said then with that in mind, shaking his head to emphasize.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’m...I don’t want to go somewhere else. That’s stupid. Can I just look inside the doors first?”

“Of course.” Erwin replied, giving Levi a small, reassuring smile that turned into a frown a second later. “I’m sorry. I should have let you do that before. I shouldn’t have just pulled you in, I—

“It’s not your fault.” Levi interrupted, looking into Erwin’s eyes while he spoke to make sure it was clear. 

There was no reason for him to blame himself, Levi thought, because what he’d just told him was true: Erwin was not to blame for anything that had just happened. None of Levi’s problems were his fault, in fact, and even if he could have known, Levi had assured him that he was alright and that he ‘wanted to just get it over with’ before they’d gone in. Obviously all of the courage and reassurance he’d had then had evaporated almost instantly once they’d set foot inside the door, but...well, either way, Levi wasn’t about to put any of that on Erwin — especially when he’d been so understanding and patient with him in the first place.

He was supportive, too, and had just seen Levi in the throes of what had been about to be a full blown anxiety attack before he’d calmed himself down. He was still there and nothing in his attitude or demeanor had changed, and even through his muddled thoughts and tension, the thought made Levi’s chest warm with fondness, hope, and appreciation that he could not ignore.

Looking down at Erwin’s hand, he reached out then, letting his fingers brush across his palm gently before Erwin took hold of it himself. He smiled, and Levi soaked in how close to him and comforted he suddenly felt, swallowing as his cheeks flushed while Erwin slipped his fingers in between his own. 

“Well.” Erwin said then, while Levi stared at where they touched, focusing on that and enjoying what had suddenly become a moment of calm after what he’d just been through. “Even so, I should have waited when we walked in. I was going too fast, but I won’t do it again. I’ll go slow, and I’ll be right beside you if anything happens. If it does, we can find somewhere quiet to sit down, or we can just go, alright? It won’t matter.”

“Yeah, okay.” Levi replied, nodding and standing up straight, trying to mentally brace himself just like he'd done in the car when they'd first gotten there. 

It hadn’t worked then, and he had no guarantee if it would work this time, either, but rather than go home like he wanted to, he just took a deep breath instead, letting Erwin lead him towards the store’s entrance again so he could try once more. 

Thankfully, this time, it went much smoother. Levi stopped in front of the door like he'd asked and looked inside that way, taking in everything that was going on behind the glass without feeling like he was stuck in the middle of it, and without the accompanying loud sounds to overwhelm him. He probably looked like a weirdo peering in but he didn't give a shit about that, and instead only worried what the employees might say to him when they went inside. They greeted customers he saw, and occasionally seemed to check up on them, but Erwin assured him again that he would answer if anyone bothered them. He'd be right beside him to do so the entire time like he'd said, too, and he wouldn’t leave, and this time, instead of growing overcome with doubts that he might just be saying that or might change his mind, Levi found that he was finally able to trust that it was actually true. 

That probably wasn’t the right term for the sudden lack of anxiousness he had about Erwin’s response to anything that might happen, because it wasn’t like he hadn’t trusted him before. He had, and had known he’d meant well when he said it, but he hadn’t been able to shake the fact that whatever went wrong might be more than Erwin had bargained for. He hadn’t ever seen Levi like this, after all, but by that point in the day he had, because he’d heard him being a worried, high-strung wreck that morning, watched him sit tensely in the car and hold onto his hand for dear life, and dealt with him nearly getting lost in his anxiety and freaking out without skipping a beat. He was still there and still willing to try again with him, and now that Levi had seen his promises actually come to fruition, he was confident, for once, that Erwin would keep his word. 

It helped him once they got inside the store, once Levi had felt comfortable enough to hold the door open for a minute and let the cacophony of music and sounds inside wash over him. He stood there, listening to everything while glancing around slowly, until he’d adjusted to it and felt like he could enter and remain calm. He was still tense and wary while he did so, of course, and remained that way as they eventually began walking through the store and down the aisles toward whatever section of clothing Erwin was looking for. Every so often on their way there he would stop, looking to see if Levi was alright and allowing him to glance around and maintain his bearings for a moment before continuing, until just like that, he eventually make it to the men’s section with Erwin without losing control of his anxiousness.

“You’re doing good.” Erwin told once they stopped again, squeezing his hand while Levi bit his lip and watched an employee walk by. “I knew you could.”

It was a woman and she didn’t pay any mind to them, thankfully, but Levi still stepped as close to Erwin as he could until she was gone — just in case she spoke to them, of course — and waited until his raised heartbeat had slowed, going from a racing one to merely just a slightly above elevated one. It wasn’t normal, by any means, because he still felt on edge, but it wasn’t too much either, and once the employee was out of earshot Levi was able to respond to Erwin’s comment without much hesitation.

“We’re not done yet.” He mumbled, feeling his cheeks and ears grow hot at the small amount of praise anyway. “There’s plenty of time left for me to lose it, you know.”

“You’ll be fine, Mr. Ackerman. You’ve made it this far, which was the hard part, right?”

In response, Levi shrugged. “We’ll see.”

“Is it alright if we start shopping now?” Erwin asked next, undeterred by Levi’s self-doubt.

His question reminded Levi that was what they were there for again, as he hadn’t been able to focus on it much while they’d been walking through the store. However, now he remembered that Erwin needed clothes and that he was supposed to help him, and because it was quieter in the back of the store and the men’s section was actually completely empty, Levi only took a second to think about it before he nodded. 

“Yeah.” He replied, watching as Erwin smiled at his response and immediately wandered over to the nearest clothing rack. 

It was just a few steps away, and as they were  _ still  _ holding hands — Levi could probably manage without that by then, he thought, but he didn’t want to let go regardless — he was pulled along with Erwin, following him over to a stand of plaid, long-sleeved, flannel shirts. Right away the sight caused Levi to raise an eyebrow, because didn’t Erwin need dress clothes? Scholarship interviews weren’t casual, were they? Levi had never been to one before, true, but he didn’t think they were, and suddenly, while watching Erwin go through the rack with interest, he wondered just how much fucking help he was actually going to need.

“Uh.” He started at that thought, speaking up quietly while he shifted uneasily on both his feet. “Do you know what you want to get here? Or are you shitty at shopping?”

“I’m alright, I suppose. I know I need dress clothes, but the last time I had to buy any was for my high school graduation and nothing fits anymore. I was scrawny back then.” Was Erwin’s response, the majority of which actually made Levi snort. 

Mostly it was from the thought of Erwin being scrawny in any way whatsoever — he wasn’t then, and Levi couldn’t imagine it — but also because to someone his age, Erwin’s comment about his high school graduation seemed fucking ridiculous. A decade and a half had passed since he’d had that particular experience, but there Erwin was, talking about his own like it had just been yesterday. He supposed that for him it basically had, but thankfully, Levi had moved on from feeling guilty about Erwin’s youth. Instead of that, now he just found that and the way he apparently hadn’t had any other experiences as a young adult where he’d needed dress clothes to be endearing for some reason, enough to allow him to let go of Erwin’s hand so that he could inspect the flannel shirts himself.

“Okay.” He said too. “So you need help finding shit that fits.”

“Yes, and for someone to make sure that I’m buying the right thing.” 

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s going to be formal. I know I need to dress nice, and I was thinking that I could just treat it like a job interview.”

“Yeah.” Levi said to that, nodding in agreement before giving Erwin a questioning look when his expression turned a bit sheepish.

“It’s just...I haven’t actually ever had a job interview. The job I had when I was in high school didn’t require one, and you didn’t interview me, so—

“For fuck’s sake.” Levi muttered, scoffing and shaking his head — albeit teasingly. He felt the fondness he’d experienced moments ago just grow stronger, and he couldn’t help but click his tongue when Erwin suddenly pulled one of the flannel shirts off the rack. “Whatever, though. That doesn’t matter. It’s not hard to look professional, but you can’t do it in that fucking shirt. Unless you’re actually planning to become a lumberjack, or something.” 

After Levi spoke, Erwin’s first response was to glance up at him with slightly widened eyes, his lips parted in surprise like he hadn’t expected him to crack a joke like that after having been seconds away from a panic attack not that long ago. He had, though, as Erwin had somehow managed to distract him from his uneasiness at their surroundings, and it only took another moment for him to blink and then start laughing. He smiled too, Levi noticed, and his eyes lit up, and he put the shirt back on the rack where it had come from — not before checking the price tag on it though, amusingly enough.  

“Alright, then. So what do I need, a suit?” He asked, watching Levi as he thought for a moment, cocking his head while a picture of Erwin in a nice business suit and tie popped into his head. 

It was an overwhelming thought, he realized immediately, but not the same kind that he’d been wrestling with all day. No, rather than feeling consumed with anxiety and frustration, among other things, he was suddenly struggling to keep his eyes from going lidded, his heart now pounding in his chest because...well, because the image of Erwin in clothing like that was enough to cause his mouth to go dry. 

“Yeah.” He managed to spit out though, as he now struggled to think coherently for a reason that he hadn’t considered before. “Something like that.” 

That  _ was  _ the basis of what Erwin needed, Levi thought, but up until that point, he had been so caught up in how he was going to handle being out in public that he hadn’t realized what else might happen. He hadn’t thought about the fact that if he helped Erwin pick out clothing he’d inevitably end up imagining him in it, which would almost certainly lead to him struggling with trying not to stare or get flustered. Erwin was just so fucking attractive to him that he didn’t know if he’d be able to help it, he thought, wondered just what it was that he’d really gotten himself into. Was he going to have to sit there while he tried on the clothes, too? Fuck, was he even going to have to follow him into the  _ changing room? _

Levi got his answer about an hour later, after they’d spent a considerable amount of time walking through the racks and displays and picking out a variety of dress pants, suit jackets, button down shirts, and ties. By then Levi had managed to relax a good bit, as the shopping had distracted him and he’d even managed to remember how much he used to enjoy it in the first place. Once upon a time he had gone into stores like this as much as he could, in fact, because he liked picking out clothes, and he’d tried to be fashionable. That had changed after the accident and he’d become a shut-in, of course, and now all he ever did was order basic shit online because he didn’t need clothes often and he didn’t fucking go anywhere. 

Helping Erwin had allowed him to re-experience it, he’d found, albeit to just a small extent because he still felt out of place and wary of the unpredictability of where he was, but once he’d lost himself in matching shirts and ties and trying to find a stylish suit jacket for Erwin, he actually felt like he was even starting to have some fun — at least just a little. 

That almost ended when they'd looked at everything and it was time for Erwin to proceed to the next step, however, which was trying all of the clothes they'd picked out on to see if they actually fit and looked alright. Obviously, to do so he would have to go to a changing room like Levi had already realized, and by then, because he'd helped so much, it seemed almost inconceivable that Levi would  _ not _ be going with him, or that at the very least, that he wouldn't need to stay close by so that he could offer his opinion on whatever it was that Erwin was trying on. He'd basically taken the lead while they'd been shopping, surprisingly enough after everything, as Erwin had been content to accept almost whatever he'd suggested and let him pick all of the clothing out. It was nice as it made everything quick and efficient and easy, but now that Erwin had started relying on his opinion, Levi doubted Erwin would be able to make a decision without his input. 

It wasn't that he didn't want to help him though, Levi thought, because he did. He  _ wanted  _ to see Erwin in the nice clothes and he  _ wanted  _ to make sure he bought the perfect thing — he felt invested in this too now and, of course, really wanted him do good at his interview — and in addition to that, he wanted to stay with him so he wouldn't have to stand outside alone. Although he had calmed a great deal, the thought of that still filled him with dread, just like the thought of following Erwin into a changing room while he showed off clothes to him made him feel flustered.

That was what he was worried about, he supposed, because even if he tried to view Erwin non-objectively he didn’t believe it would stay that way. He wouldn’t be able to help it, he thought, because of how he felt and because of just how attracted to Erwin he was, as those particular feelings had not gone away just because he’d been distracted by other, more emotional things in the past few days. No, rather than that it had just remained out of the forefront of his mind, but now, now it was back because of the prospect of getting to see Erwin in a suit, and because if Levi went with him, then he’d no doubt be separated from a nearly naked Erwin by nothing but the thin, wooden door of a small changing stall. Just thinking about it made his cheeks warm, and he wondered if Erwin had any misgivings about the situation too, or if this was nothing to him, and he’d barely thought twice about it that entire time. 

It certainly seemed that way once they headed towards the changing room with Erwin in the lead and Levi hesitantly following him, as once they reached it, Erwin strode through the door without even skipping a beat. He didn’t even say anything about what he needed from Levi and didn’t ask him inside, and that fact — plus his trepidation — caused Levi to stop in place at the entrance. Did Erwin’s nonchalance indicate that he didn’t mind Levi following him in, or that he wanted him to? Was it weird to just go inside without permission? Would that make Levi seem like some kind of creep? What if Erwin didn’t want him to come, and he assumed incorrectly and made things awkward? What if—

“Ah.” Erwin said then, interrupting Levi’s thoughts. He’d stopped walking, having realized after taking a few steps inside that Levi wasn’t following him, and turned around, and was now giving him a questioning look that was laced with a bit of concern. “Are you alright?”

“Uh...yeah.” Levi answered, knowing that Erwin was asking him that particular question to make sure he wasn’t about to panic again.

He wasn’t — that wasn’t the problem anymore — but thankfully, Erwin either caught onto that fact or  _ was  _ actually nervous about this too like Levi had wondered, because after Levi responded to him, he opened his mouth and closed it a few times before finally continuing. 

“Are...are you coming?”

The way he spoke indicated that he was apprehensive too, or self-conscious about what he was asking. It reminded Levi of the time in his kitchen when he’d apologized for holding his hands in case it had bothered him, making him seem just as young and unsure about himself in those few seconds as it had then too. His cheeks even appeared to be a little pink, Levi thought, unless that was just the lighting of the changing room, but either way, Erwin’s response to his floundering made him feel a bit better about acting like that in the first place, and also caused him to experience a swell of fondness and warmth that made him nod quickly and rush forward into the closeted off area.

It was separated from the rest of the store because it was private, of course, by walls, and thankfully they seemed to be the only ones inside it right then too. Right away Levi felt like they were somewhere different than still being inside the store, but when he reached Erwin, he still shoved the clothes he was holding into his arms along with what he already had, grabbing his hand and directing him towards a changing stall quickly so that he wouldn’t see how red his face had become. He all but pushed him inside while Erwin’s eyes widened, almost stumbling a bit into the small space before Levi closed the door behind him. He crossed his arms and stood there for a moment then, with his heart pounding, and listened to Erwin latch it with the lock before speaking.

“Try the black slacks.” Levi blurted out, hoping that Erwin would just get to it instead of saying anything teasing about the way he’d just rushed them both into the changing room. 

He didn’t, only responding with a quick ‘alright,’ but even so, Levi could hear the smile in his voice that suggested he was amused, letting out a quiet chuckle that just made Levi flush deeper. 

_ Fucking dammit. _ He thought then, turning and taking a few steps away from the door.  _ I’m too fucking gay for this.  _

His words to himself might have been funny had he been in any other situation, but regardless, it wasn’t like it  _ wasn’t  _ true, because it was — painfully so. The sudden clinking sounds of Erwin undoing his belt buckle just made him realize that even more, because it made Levi’s eyes widen, and he was powerless to keep himself from imagining Erwin unbuttoning and unzipping his pants when he heard that happening too, a picture of him sliding the denim down over his legs next popping up into his head and causing his mouth to go dry. 

Knowing that he was removing his shirt — just a few feet away from him, Levi couldn’t stop thinking, and behind a thin door in what was basically a closet with an open ceiling — made it all the more worse, too, because his bare chest was something he’d actually seen with his own two eyes, unlike his legs. He’d had the image of Erwin shirtless seared into his brain since the very moment that he’d seen him like that outside his window a while back, as there was no way in hell he’d ever forget the muscles of his torso, defined and practically rippling under his tanned skin while he worked. He was so beautifully built for someone his age that it was ridiculous, Levi recalled, with broad shoulders and a trim waist, and abs that were framed by two, sharply visible,  _ gorgeous  _ hip bones — the tops of which had been sticking out of his pants, and that the memory of was making Levi’s mouth water where it had been dry just seconds before. 

He felt a heavy warmth in his belly too, below his own belt and in a manner that he had become quite familiar with since he had met Erwin. It was distracting, but it was inappropriate too because he was in fucking public, and Erwin hadn’t even come out of the damned changing stall yet and he was already making himself flustered. Biting his lip, he forced the image of Erwin’s perfect hip bones out of his head, swallowing and telling himself that they had nothing to do with whether or not the suit Erwin was going to be wearing was appropriate for his interview. Unfortunately, even though he knew that, the knowledge didn’t help him any when he heard Erwin unlock the door, and when — unable to help himself, of course — Levi twisted around embarrassingly quick to see him.

If he had been capable of continuing to think he might have swore at himself, but immediately, when Erwin stepped out and Levi’s eyes set upon him, he suddenly found himself speechless. It was because Erwin did not disappoint, naturally, just like Levi had known he wouldn’t, and was now standing tall and handsome in a well-made suit. He was wearing the black slacks that Levi had suggested, and had paired them with a matching jacket and tie, and a nice, long-sleeved, white button down shirt. The colors were simple, but he looked so sharp that whatever redness that might have disappeared from Levi’s face before instantly returned, his cheeks growing hot as he paused for a few seconds and took him in.

He felt that way all over now, in fact, and he had no idea if he was being successful in hiding it. The thought made him anxious — What if Levi was coming across as a pervert? What if he made Erwin uncomfortable? They were still in limbo between friendship and something else; was it too soon for shit like this? — but his immediate reaction was just to try to act normal, to pretend that he hadn’t been silent while he’d let his eyes run over Erwin for what was probably too many seconds while he’d waited on his reaction

“Shit.” Levi said though, immediately failing to act natural. “You look....uh, I mean, it’s not bad.”

“Not bad?” Was Erwin’s reply, a small smile on his lips that could indicate he was actually  _ pleased  _ at Levi’s reaction and response — if he had been able to read what lay beneath it, anyway. 

The fact that there were two rosy spots over his cheekbones made Levi want to believe that he had, because if so...well, then that was just one more exciting prospect for his future, wasn’t it? Right then he was too overwhelmed to think about what it might mean in too much detail, though, and could only nod his head at Erwin’s question, watching while he then looked down at himself and started fiddling with the edges of his jacket. 

He’d left it open, but he seemed to be trying to decide whether or not to button it up right then, his hands bringing it together and then pulling it apart again with a thoughtful expression on his face. He turned slightly to glance over himself in a nearby mirror while he did it again — there was a three-way one in a corner near his changing stall — and although Levi felt like he was struggling just not to drool, he suddenly found himself glancing Erwin over more objectively, scrutinizing the way his suit fit before deciding within seconds which option looked better. 

“Leave it open.” He said then, stepping forward on impulse to grab the edges of Erwin’s jacket himself. It was cut in such a way that it already accentuated Erwin’s trim waist and broad shoulders without being buttoned, and although doing so might make those features stand out more, Levi thought it would look too tight or stretched out over his frame if he didn’t leave it open. Furthermore, he was pretty sure that it was styled to be worn like that anyway, and so he readjusted it on Erwin’s body from where he’d been messing with it himself, making sure it was sitting in place before he grabbed the bottom part of his tie to make sure it was centered too. “It looks better like that.”

He'd said the last part after stepping back to inspect him again, trying to ignore how hard his heart was pounding from how close they'd just been, and let his eyes run over Erwin once more before continuing. “Good. You look...you look good, Erwin. I mean, professional, and..uh, and good.”

Almost cringing after what he’d basically just stuttered out, Levi glanced away for a moment, biting his lip again as his heart pounded nervously and he wondered if he'd sounded like a creep, or if he'd been as obvious about how  _ good  _ he actually thought Erwin looked when he repeated his words inside his head. He’d only been trying to be honest because he wanted to — he had to admit that the ‘not bad’ he’d already let out didn’t cut it — but his face was hot again, and he knew the flustered way in which he was acting wasn't helping him to not be obvious. 

“Thank you.” Erwin said though, his voice causing Levi to look back at him — just in time to see the small smile that he'd had before on his face grow bigger. “I like that you think so.”

At that, Levi’s mouth parted a bit, his stomach doing a sudden flip because of Erwin's words. What the hell did that mean? Was Erwin flirting with him? Suddenly, at the thought, Levi was sure of that he was, and he couldn't help but feel a surge of thrilling excitement rush through him quickly when he realized it. 

“Yeah, well, don't get too excited. I'm not so sure about the way you knotted that fucking tie.” He uttered in response then, teasing Erwin with a raised eyebrow because of the odd looking knot. 

It wasn't done correctly, he'd noticed before, and although it didn't really take away anything from the outfit, it made Levi wonder what the hell he'd done to it in there. 

“What's wrong with it?” Erwin asked at that, his lips pulling down into what almost seemed like a pout. 

“I dunno. It's not straight. Did you tie it right?”

“I'm not sure.”

“For fuck’s sake.” Levi muttered, stepping forward again at that, reaching for Erwin's tie so that he could undo it and fix it quickly himself. 

It probably wasn't necessary, he thought, because Erwin was just trying everything on and the tie didn't needed to be knotted perfectly for them to see how the outfit looked, but he'd had the sudden urge to adjust it anyway, to re-do it so that he could get close to Erwin again and get his hands on him. That was really why he'd acted just then, Levi knew, realizing with a thick swallow that he'd done so without even thinking about it, and that he’d apparently become a bit emboldened because of the way Erwin had flirted with him a moment before. 

Deftly, he moved his fingers to unknot the tie, letting his gaze wander up towards Erwin's face quickly before he could help it. Erwin was staring down at him, of course, watching every movement he made in silence and like a hawk, but with the slightest note of curiosity and wonder in his expression that just made the scarlet flush on levi's face grow that much deeper. It didn't help when their eyes met for a split second before Levi had to look away to watch what he was doing with the tie, wondering while he did so how he was able to even concentrate on anything else except for how fucking tall erwin was, how obvious his large size was in comparison to Levi’s smaller frame while he stood there. They were so close that it was impossible for him to ignore, and because of the fact that he could  _ smell _ Erwin now too, his heart had started beating so hard that he found it hard to believe Erwin couldn't hear it over the sounds of the store’s music. 

“There.” He forced out when he'd knotted the tie again — correctly this time — and used his hands to slide it up, tightening it like he knew one was supposed to, idly thinking that it was a miracle his voice had sounded normal when he'd spoken. “That's better.”

Moving to step away so that Erwin could look for himself in the mirror, Levi found that he was suddenly stopped instead, his eyes widening when Erwin caught one of his hands with both of his and wrapped fingers around his palm. 

“I…” He started, staring down at a frozen Levi with a taken back expression of his own, as if he'd even surprised himself with his own actions and wasn't sure if he'd messed up. “I mean...ah, thank you. Thanks.”

“Sure.” Levi practically choked out, feeling like a deer caught in headlights while he took in how pink Erwin's face had become. 

It was incredibly noticeable — more than Levi had ever seen it, in fact — and the realization just made his heart flutter. He felt impossibly awed suddenly too, filled with nerves but lost in a sensation of giddiness at the same time, and it only grew worse when Erwin continued to hold onto his hand for a few seconds longer before finally letting go. 

“That does look better.” He said then, clearing his throat while he glanced into the mirror and Levi swallowed. 

“Yeah.”

“Although...”

“What?” 

“I’m not sure.”

“About what?” Levi asked, his eyebrow raising at Erwin’s words.

He was obviously uncertain about something, and seemed hesitant because it was like he was thinking, but Levi didn’t get the feeling that it had to do with him. On the contrary, he thought, it appeared to have something to do with the suit, because Erwin was still looking at himself as he spoke, studying the clothing that he wore and frowning a bit at his reflection.

“Are you sure it’s alright for tomorrow?” Erwin asked after another second or two, his eyes meeting Levi’s in the mirror when he stepped up beside him. 

Briefly, he glanced away to take Erwin in once more, cocking his head while he viewed his outfit and thought about the reason that he actually needed one: his scholarship interview. That was what they were shopping for, of course, and as Levi stood there and considered everything, he understood very quickly why Erwin seemed a bit unsure. Yeah, the suit was nice, he thought, dressy and professional looking in general. However, on Erwin it appeared to be more than that because of his striking good looks, almost like it was  _ too  _ fancy,  _ too  _ flashy for him to wear to something where he needed to look low-key. In short, even though the black and white was simple, it looked like he was dressed for a party or some shit rather than a college interview, and because Erwin had brought it up himself, Levi found it easy to say what he thought without worrying that he might offend him. 

“It looks good.” He still ended up saying though, just so it was clear to Erwin that it had nothing to do with him before he continued. “But I think it’s too much. Do you know what I mean?”

“Yes, that’s it. You’re right. I’m not sure if this will give off the right impression.”

Nodding in agreement, Levi glanced away from the mirror, looking back inside the open door of Erwin’s changing stall at the other clothing he had picked out. “Yeah. You need something more toned down, or whatever.”

“Alright.” Erwin said, taking one last look at himself in the mirror before moving towards the door. “I’ll try something else.”

“The grey pants.” Levi told him, following a few steps behind him while he thought, imagining Erwin in the slacks and immediately thinking of what shirts he’d grabbed that might go nicely with them. 

He knew of several, but wondered if he should leave it up to Erwin as he stepped back inside where he would be changing, deciding at almost the last minute to make a suggestion anyway before Erwin closed the door behind him.

“And the pink shirt.” Was what he blurted, just before Erwin disappeared completely inside, his head now swimming with images of Erwin in all of the clothing that he’d mentioned.

The colors would look good with his blonde hair and blue eyes, he thought, and would hopefully be a bit less flashy than the black and white ensemble he’d had on before. He was sure of it, in fact, but a second after speaking up he found himself wondering if he shouldn't have, worrying that he’d sounded too bossy or something just then because Erwin had stopped in place. He’d frozen and hesitated in closing the door, Levi saw, and still had his back to him, but before he could get too concerned, Erwin finally turned around with a smile, a playful, warm glint in his eyes that made Levi’s heart skip a beat.

“Alright.” He said, just before he finally disappeared from view. “I’ll try the pink shirt, Mr. Ackerman, just for you.” 


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It would be easy to step forward to embrace Erwin, Levi thought, to wrap his arms around his middle and press his face against his broad chest. He would be so close to him like that, so warm, and just the thought — plus the idea of Erwin hugging him back — made Levi feel content, so much so that it was hard for him to resist falling into him. How long had it been since he’d been held like that, he wondered? The answer was many years, of course, and even longer than that since it had been done by someone he cared so deeply about, that he trusted, and whose embrace he'd been able to sink into and find comfort in.
> 
> The last person he could remember that made him feel safe like that had been his mother, in fact, and she had died when he’d been a kid. Sure, he’d had friends and there had been his uncle, but his personality was such that he could not just share himself or open up to just anyone. That had gotten even worse after he’d locked himself inside his house, and although he was out now, although every part of him seemed to be thawing from the closed, frozen cage that he’d locked himself into, he still wasn’t sure that this was the time or the place to give in to what he wanted.

While Erwin changed his clothes again, Levi wandered over to a nearby chair to sit down instead of pacing, crossing his arms and legs to try and get comfortable. The seat had been there the entire time, of course, but he’d ignored it until then, having been too wound up and flustered to even try and relax or stay still. He still wouldn’t say he was completely calmed by then or anything, but he at least felt more at ease about the situation, more confident in his ability to act natural — even if natural had somehow become flirting, because it was obvious to Levi that they both were by then — and less concerned that he was going to do something to embarrass himself.

It helped a lot that Erwin had shown to have no qualms about him being there in the changing room, and instead seemed to actually be enjoying it if his coy smiles and playful, slightly suggestive comments said anything. _ ‘I’ll try the pink shirt, Mr. Ackerman, just for you,’ _ had been the last thing to come out of his mouth barely less than a minute ago, and Levi’s heart had not yet stopped fluttering from hearing it, his thoughts stuck on just what exactly Erwin was implying by saying that after Levi had asked him to put on the shirt. Did it mean Erwin knew what he was thinking, that he was attracted to him and liked him and was checking him out in all of this clothing for more than one reason? It seemed likely, but if so, his comment indicated that he didn’t mind either, and that on the contrary, he was enjoying it instead. Why else would he try on a shirt  _ just for Levi,  _ telling him that like he was happy to show it off in front of him like he wanted?

Levi could not — and honestly did not want to — think of another reason, as the thought of that one filled him with an excited thrill, a giddy feeling because it would mean that everything he was experiencing with Erwin so far was going exactly where he wanted it to. It would just be another sign that Erwin liked him, he mused, more proof that they were going to end up as something other than friends if they kept going like this. It meant that it  _ wouldn’t  _ just be something emotional either — considering that their flirting was bordering on being something less than innocent this time — and that it could be physical too, and that...well, that Levi might actually get fucking laid again. 

The thought made him flush, naturally, although he’d come to terms with the fact that his face had been red that entire time and was going to stay that way, and he wondered if he’d get to kiss Erwin or if he’d be able to touch him, to explore his big, defined body with his hands and his mouth. Biting his lip, Levi found himself crossing his legs tighter at that particular image, swallowing too and reminding himself for the hundredth time that he was in public. He wasn’t sure he was in control of himself enough to fucking think about that shit right then, as he was not alone, and it was probably inappropriate anyway considering he didn’t know for certain if that would end up happening.

Regardless, it was hard for him not to ponder it when he could hear Erwin taking off his clothes again in the changing stall, when the sound of the zipper reached his ears and he could hear rustling and other noises that indicated he had removed the black and white suit he’d been wearing from his body. Again, Levi found himself powerless not to picture what he might look like in just his underwear, wondering what kind he wore in the first place and how tight it probably fucking was over his groin. 

Just that idea was enough to make him feel hot, and so he tried to think about others things while he waited, like how the shitty pop music the store played was starting to get on his nerves and the way the chair he was sitting on was hurting his ass, or the sound of some child shrieking outside — they better not come in the changing room, Levi thought — or that of it’s mother scolding it, or anything else Levi could force himself to focus on so that he wouldn’t end up with a raging hard-on in public. That was probably the worst thing he could think of that could happen at that point, as he feared that getting a boner like a damned teenager and Erwin noticing would just be too embarrassing for him to ever live down.

Luckily, his attempts at distracting himself worked well enough, as although he certainly didn’t forget what Erwin was doing in there, all of the outside stimulants just made him remember how uneasy he felt being in a store like this. He still didn’t like it, he thought, even if he had managed to adapt to the setting somewhat, and even if he wasn’t complaining about anything that was happening in the changing room right then, he was still looking forward to going home later where he could relax.

“Mr. Ackerman?” Erwin suddenly asked then, interrupting Levi’s thoughts as his voice rang out over the music. 

He sounded a bit unsure, and his question caused Levi to raise an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

“Which tie did you say went with this?”

Scoffing at that, Levi paused for a moment while he recalled the handfuls of different ties they'd grabbed, knowing that there were actually a few in there that would go with Erwin's pink-shirt-grey-suit ensemble. However, there had been a particular one he'd suggested to him that he had liked a lot because of the colors and the pattern, and he was sure that was the specific one that Erwin had to be talking about.

“The paisley one.” He said, uncrossing his arms and listening to the rustling sounds coming from the other side of the changing stall door.

“Paisley?” Was Erwin’s response, a questioning tone in his voice that almost made Levi snort in amusement. 

Of course he didn’t know what paisley was, he thought; how could he when he hadn’t had to dress up for anything since he’d been 18?

“The purple one with the pink swirls.” Levi told him then, trying to explain the pattern of the tie as best as he could. 

That was basically what it looked like, he remembered, as it was colored dark purple underneath with curved droplet designs, small flowers, and spirals all over it in various shades of pink. It was a silk tie, too, and quite nice, but Levi didn’t think it would be too flashy when paired with the light colors of his suit and shirt. At least, that was what he hoped, but when Erwin stepped out a few seconds later he found that he couldn’t tell yet, as he didn’t have the tie on and was instead holding it in his hand and looking sheepish. 

“Ah...can you…?” He asked, holding it out towards Levi. 

Quirking an eyebrow at that, Levi stood up immediately, moving to take the tie from Erwin’s hand so that he could put it on for him. Obviously that was what he was requesting even though he hadn’t finished his sentence, and although Levi was certainly not going to refuse an opportunity to get close to Erwin again, he wondered why. Was it because Levi had fixed his black one earlier, when the knot had been tied wrong? Did Erwin even fucking know how to knot a tie in the first place?

At this point, Levi wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case because of how he’d admitted to never wearing them, but after looking up into Erwin’s face once he’d stepped in front of him, Levi suddenly got the feeling that either way, that wasn’t the only reason. Predictably enough, Erwin was smiling at him, Levi saw, but it was a playful one, the same small, coy kind that he’d been wearing almost since they’d entered the dressing room. Everything that Levi noticed there was even more visible in his eyes too — almost gleaming behind them, he thought — and had he not known better by then, he might have assumed Erwin was teasing him. However, he did know better because he had, at some point, figured out that any teasing between them was actually flirting, and so rather than feel unsure, Levi just continued riding off the boldness he’d somehow acquired from before and decided to play along.

“Are you gonna make me stand on my tiptoes this time?” He asked then, with his eyebrow still raised and while he still held onto the undone tie. “Or are you gonna come down here?”

His question was, of course, spoken with the goal of continuing their flirtatious banter, but it wasn’t entirely unnecessary, either. Before, when Levi had adjusted Erwin’s black tie, he’d only had to redo the knot and hadn’t had to reach very far. Now, though,  _ now  _ he was going to have to fiddle with the collar of Erwin’s shirt and jacket and sling one end of the silk over his neck. That he wouldn’t be able to get to without standing on his tiptoes like he said, and he honestly wasn’t sure if he could balance for that long while looking to make sure he did everything correctly. Also, he thought, he found the idea of Erwin leaning over for him to be appealing for some reason, and he felt his heart start to pound once more when he just smiled wider and did so without question.

“I’ll come down.” He said while he moved too, stepping forward and bending at the waist so that his neck was within easy reach of Levi’s hands. 

Immediately, though, when he stilled into the position, Levi realized his fucking mistake, because all of a sudden Erwin was much closer to him than he would have been before, and not only was he practically looming over him, but his face was near the side of Levi’s own and he could actually hear him breathing.

_ Fuck. _ Levi thought while his eyes widened and he froze for a split second, realizing that Erwin’s smell — a clean scent that was a mixture of soap and some kind of mild, sweet smelling cologne — was even more noticeable like this, and that he was going to have a hard time focusing on his task without getting flustered, much less keeping his head from spinning and his stupid, overactive groin from growing tight.

Swallowing after a moment where he decided that it didn’t matter what happened, that he had no choice but to do this regardless, Levi bit his lip and pushed the collar of Erwin’s jacket back a bit, reaching to flip up the same area of his shirt up so that he could slip the tie over his shoulders and position it into place. When doing so he was forced to swing one of his arms up a bit and almost over his back, the movement feeling so similar to what could have been the start of an embrace that his cheeks suddenly felt like they were on fire. Ignoring it in favor of finishing up, Levi stepped back a bit so that he could work on the tie’s knot, only speaking after he saw that Erwin's blue eyes were watching nearly every move he made that was visible to him. 

“You're gonna have to do this on your own tomorrow, you know.” He murmured, honestly still wondering a bit whether or not Erwin actually knew how to knot one. 

“I know.” Was his answer, spoken so close to Levi's ear that he practically bit through his tongue with the effort that it took not to shiver. “I'm just out of practice. I'll manage.”

“If managing is what you did to the first tie I don't think that'll cut it.” Levi somehow continued, now staring raptly at where his fingers were tying the silk together. 

While he did so, Erwin laughed lightly in response to his continued prodding, the smile on his lips so evident that Levi could practically sense it in the air. “I’ll find a video online.”

“Or…” Levi started, pausing a moment to slide his now completed knot up towards Erwin's neck, tugging at one corner of it gently to make sure it was straight before continuing. “Or I can just fucking show you. It won't take long. It's not rocket science.” 

“Are you sure? You've already spent a lot of time on this.”

At that, Levi stepped back to look at Erwin and to make a face, honestly needing to see his own to figure out if he was actually serious, or if this was some form of flirting that he didn't understand. He wouldn't be surprised if that was the case, but rather than Erwin asking because of that, he was instead just honestly concerned that having Levi to show him how to knot a tie was too much trouble or something. That idea was ridiculous, though, because why would it be? Why would Levi think something that simple was a bother, when he'd agreed to come out there with Erwin in the first place, and when Erwin had helped  _ him _ with so many different things that he almost couldn't comprehend it? He wouldn't, he thought, because he wasn't that much of an asshole, and he wanted Erwin to know how to do it anyway. He wanted him to look good for his interview for more than one reason, and so he snorted at Erwin's over-polite question, shaking his head before he went back to adjust the knot again. 

“I don't care.” He said then, while squinting because he couldn't quite tell whether it was centered or not. “It's not a big deal. It's easy like I said, and I don't want you to look shitty.”

“Ah. I didn't know you cared that much.” Erwin responded, that statement so obviously back to teasing because of his playful tone that Levi made another face at him — this one out of mock irritation and accompanied with another blush. 

“Just stay still, I’m almost done. And I’ll show you when we get back to my house.” Levi muttered instead of saying anything else, finding that he could not — and did not even want to — deny it.  

By then, doing so or even trying to tell Erwin that it was because they were friends or something would probably just make him look like an idiot too, he thought, because after the dinner invitation, all the hand holding, and now their  _ obvious  _ flirtatious exchanges, Levi honestly did not see the point. Any potential embarrassment or self-consciousness he might feel as a result seemed inconsequential all of a sudden too, because it was obvious that Erwin didn’t have any problem with it. On the contrary, he actually looked pleased — at least, he did in response to Levi saying he was going to help him with the tie — and had not protested or appeared to be uncomfortable with anything that had transpired between them so far. 

If he didn’t like it he would have said so by now, Levi was finally confident enough to believe, and he certainly wouldn’t be as relaxed and at ease as he was right then. He could tell by Erwin’s smile and the set of his shoulders, because although he had found Erwin a bit hard to read when they’d first met, his behavior was a lot more clear and understandable to him now. He’d gotten to know Erwin enough for it to be like that by then, and anyway, the two red spots on Erwin’s cheeks — surely matching Levi’s, of course — were so noticeable that they could probably be seen from outer space.

All in all, it was enough to make him feel not insecure or doubtful like he might have before, but excited, hopeful that because things were suddenly developing between them more quickly that this would all lead to something soon, that Levi would have some kind of confirmation that Erwin liked him too and wanted pursue something romantic with him. It was enough to make him feel a surge of happiness go through is chest, and for his heart to start tap dancing more than it had before, and for him to not even flinch when a second later, after he’d finally gotten the tie’s knot centered, he went to smooth Erwin’s shirt collar back down and accidentally brushed his fingers against his neck.

Before, he might have gone still out of fear that he’d fucked up or been filled with so many nerves that he would stutter, but right then, in that moment, he just kept going, only swallowing once and letting his eyes go lidded while he relished in the touch of Erwin’s warm skin before he finished, tightening the knot one last time and stepping back.

“There.” He bit out, watching as Erwin immediately straightened from where he’d still been leaning over.

He stared at Levi for a moment — the pink blush that had spread down further on his face contrasting directly with his bright blue eyes, and almost, Levi thought with near amusement, the same exact color as his shirt — and then smiled again, finally glancing down at himself to inspect the tie.

“Thank you.” He said, turning towards the mirror so that he could see the knot better. “It looks perfect.”

“Yeah, well, so does everything else.” Levi mumbled in response, unable to help himself as he let his eyes rove over Erwin once more. 

He’d looked at him when he’d first walked out, of course, but he hadn’t been able to  _ really  _ take in how the suit fit him before he’d been distracted with the tie. Now that it was finally fastened, though, he was able to, able to let his eyes trail over Erwin from head to toe and soak in just how amazing he looked in this outfit too. He was just as gorgeous in this one as he’d been in the last one, naturally, and although Levi had not really doubted that he wouldn’t be, it was nice to see that he’d been right about the colors going well with his hair and eyes.

That was probably even an understatement, in fact, because while gazing at him, Levi couldn’t think that he looked anything other than striking, so handsome and put together in the grey and pink suit — and the pink and purple paisley tie, of course — that he found himself thinking that Erwin could always just go to modeling school if whatever plan he had now failed. He’d certainly get a damned scholarship to one of those with no problem, Levi mused idly, remembering that he’d almost thought he’d actually fucking been one on the day that they had first met. 

_ Holy shit.  _ He recalled thinking, surprised by Erwin’s good looks when he’d showed up on his doorstep.  _ Had I accidentally hired a model to be my gardener?  _

A lot had happened since then, but the one thing that remained the same was how Erwin’s appearance affected Levi, and how he couldn’t stop his mouth from going dry if he stared at him for too long. It was already threatening to happen right then, he realized, and so once again he tried to think about his appearance in regards to his interview, studying the outfit and contemplating whether or not it would work for the next day rather than how fucking hot he looked. 

It was certainly dressy enough, he thought, just like the other one had been, and made him look just as much like a businessman or a lawyer or some kind of successful professional. It was fashionable too because of the tie, stylish in a way that the other wasn't without being too flashy. It made Erwin look older, and while, all in all, it was nice and probably would cut it, there was still something that made Levi hesitate in saying so for sure, something that made him wonder if it was the right choice for a scholarship interview at a college. 

Was it the style of the suit, or something? Was it the colors? This time, Levi couldn't really put his finger on it, but wondered if it was too bright — and still maybe a little too much overall as a result — and so he decided to go ahead and ask Erwin what he thought, cocking his head and glancing back up to meet his eyes. 

“What do you think?” He said, watching Erwin adjust the jacket and eyeball himself in the mirror. 

“I don't know.” Was his answer, uttered with his brows drawn down and a small frown on his face. “I mean, I like it. A lot, actually. But I'm not sure if I want to wear it tomorrow. Should I try something else?”

“Yeah.” Levi said, as he thought that was best too. 

They'd grabbed a large variety of clothes for exactly that reason anyway, and there was no reason to make a decision right then when they had so many other options that might end up looking better on Erwin. If he couldn't find something else he liked then the grey and pink outfit  _ would _ work, but it would be stupid to go ahead and pick that one when there could be something nicer still inside the changing stall. 

With that, Erwin went back inside to do so, this time dressing in a dark blue suit with a solid, white shirt and matching navy tie — which, like before, he requested that Levi knot for him. Doing it gladly, of course, he then decided he liked this outfit better than the last, but that it still wasn’t  _ right  _ enough for either him or Erwin to say yes to. In fact, both their thoughts stayed that way while Erwin tried on three more suits, all of them looking great on him but still seeming to not  _ click _ with the right impression that Erwin felt he needed to give off, and that Levi eventually realized was that of not just a professional, but of a professional  _ student.  _ He only understood it after he kept thinking that the suits always made Erwin look like a businessman rather than anything else, which, of course, was not what he was trying to be right then. He was trying to look like a college attendee instead, and although Erwin didn't put his finger on it in exactly the same way, he seemed to eventually come to same conclusion.

“I look older.” He mentioned to Levi while standing in front of the mirror once more, as they both appraised him in another black suit — this one pinstriped and with his tie and shirt colored shades of white and grey. 

“Yeah.” Levi agreed idly, biting his lip and thinking before he reached around Erwin's middle to button up the jacket. 

He'd been standing partly behind him so he was able to do so easily, and felt no hesitation whatsoever as he slipped his arms under Erwin's own — the movement nearly identical to a hug from behind, had he aimed to hold him — grabbing the edges of the jacket while sticking his head around Erwin's back so he could see what he was doing in the mirror. By then he had adjusted his clothing and knotted his ties enough times to be comfortable doing so without thinking twice, but that didn't mean he didn't still experience a small thrill each time either. On the contrary, his heart hadn't stopped fluttering since he'd fixed the first tie Erwin had put on, as all of the looks they'd been giving each other had lingered longer and longer with every new suit he'd put on, as had Levi's fingers every time he'd had to touch Erwin to adjust pieces of his clothing. 

He couldn't help it — not when Erwin watched him with warm eyes, anyway, and even continued to lean towards him if he could when Levi's hands were on him — and it was no different as he buttoned up the suit jacket, using his fingers to tug the bottom of it down to make sure it was in place once he was done. Like that, he was very nearly touching Erwin’s hipbones through layers of clothing, and the thought of them, the memory of what they looked like when he'd been shirtless outside his house, flashed through his mind like when Erwin had first started changing, and Levi had to let go quickly after realizing he'd probably left his fingers wrapped around the bottom of the jacket for far too long. It had been a few extra seconds at least, he thought, while he had stared at the same time, and one glance to Erwin's face was enough for Levi to confirm that he'd definitely noticed. His cheeks were colored again, he saw, and he was still looking down at where Levi had been all but holding his jacket just a moment before, only meeting his eyes after Levi swallowed and spoke up out of nervousness after realizing that he'd been too obvious. 

“Uh.” He said, feeling his stomach flip with something both heated and worrisome. “This one looks nice like that. Do you like that shit, or open instead, or—

“It's alright.” Was Erwin's response, spoken quietly as he studied Levi carefully through his reflection in the mirror. 

“Do you like it?” Levi continued, trying his best to just keep going like nothing had happened, suddenly fearing that he'd accidentally gone too far or something. 

“Yes, I think.”

“You think?”

“I mean, it's nice. But I'm still not sure I like it enough to wear it tomorrow, just like the others.”

“Because you look older?”

“Maybe. What do you think?”

Biting his lip again, Levi paused. He'd known that question was coming, as Erwin had been quick to ask his opinion on almost every single piece of clothing he tried after Levi had helped him pick it out. Apparently he felt that Levi knew what he was doing enough to rely on him like that, and at that point, Levi was pretty sure that Erwin would get whatever suit he told him to. Obviously, given what he'd realized earlier, he agreed with Erwin about the suit he currently had on. Would any of the former ones be better, though? 

Considering it, Levi thought back on them, remembering what Erwin had looked like in all the different colors and styles and patterns. They had all been nice too, of course, but no, he decided, none of them would help him to pass for a student. Removing the tie from some of them might help, he thought, but it wouldn't be perfect, and after coming all this way and trying so much shit already, Levi didn't want Erwin to have to settle for anything less than that — especially because he suddenly had an idea. 

“Let’s try something else.” He said then, turning around to step into the entrance of Erwin's changing room, remembering some of the other items he'd brought in there while trying to find them.

There was a pair of khakis he was looking for specifically, some chinos that Erwin hadn't yet tried because they didn't have a matching suit jacket but that they'd grabbed on a whim anyway. There were a few other things like that, Levi recalled, that they'd picked out either because Erwin had liked them or there was a chance they'd go with something else, including a handful of shirts which contained one particular one that Levi now sought out too. It was a button up, of course, and covered in a plaid pattern made out of various shades of blue, ranging from the lightest sky color to the deepest, darkest navy. It was that which Levi planned to match the suit jacket he wanted Erwin to try with, and pointed to that next after he'd found the pants and the shirt, taking them off where they'd been hung and putting them into Erwin’s hands. 

“Try these.” He said, while Erwin nodded from where he'd followed him over from the mirror. “And that navy suit jacket you had on before, without the pants.”

“Which tie?”

“The one that matches the jacket.”

“Alright.” Erwin said agreeably, looking between Levi and the clothes curiously as if he wasn't completely sure but was doing it anyway. 

It was a good thing he did though, Levi eventually thought, because as soon as Erwin stepped out after changing into the outfit — sans his tie, of course, because Levi hadn't put it on him yet — he immediately liked it much, much better than all the other clothes he'd tried. In fact, he felt like it was the outfit he should get right away, so sure because of how it all looked on him in comparison to everything else. Now, instead of appearing to be an adult businessman like he had in all of the classic three piece suits from before, he looked more his age, less professional, so to speak, and more scholarly, more like a...well, like a  _ student _ . 

Levi was glad because that was what he'd been aiming for, what kind of impression he'd hoped the khakis, plaid shirt, and navy blue suit jacket would give off. The combination of all three still looked great on Erwin too, of course, fitting him perfectly and appearing dressy enough while still allowing him to look his age, and Levi didn't think that would be any different once he put his tie on. 

“C’mere.” He said to Erwin at that, stepping forward even as he spoke and reaching for the navy tie he held in his hand. While he undid the knot so that he could reach up and loop it around Erwin's neck, Levi pulled him around by the arm too, repositioning him so that he could see himself in the three-way mirror. “Do you like it?”

That was the only remaining question as far as Levi was concerned, as he was ready to call it a day right then and there. So sure was he that he didn't even think they'd need to try anything else that looked like that, as the colors were probably the kind that would look the best on him too. Despite that, though, he wasn't going to suggest that Erwin get something he didn't like, as he was the one who was going to be wearing it and who would be going to the interview. That meant he would have the final decision, of course, and so while basking in Erwin’s warmth for what unfortunately could be the last time while he knotted his tie, Levi cocked an eyebrow and waited for him to answer. 

“Yes.” He said, after eyeing himself for a few moments, nodding again with a smile once Levi had stepped back and he could see the complete outfit. “Yes, it’s nice. It looks a lot better. What do you think?”

“I think you look like you're about to join a frat.” Levi responded, watching as adjusted the jacket and then chuckled with laughter. 

“I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.” He said, his smile growing wider, belaying his concerned words. “I don’t plan on joining a frat.”

Snorting, Levi looked into his eyes for a moment and then glanced over him again, stepping forward before he answered to fix one of his sleeves. 

The end of it had gotten caught underneath one arm of the suit jacket, apparently, and the edge wasn't sticking out like it should be. Grabbing Erwin's arm with one hand, Levi then reached up to tug it into place with the other, moving quickly and assuredly without even thinking about it. 

“Well, don’t tell those assholes that. It’d probably sound good to them if you were, wouldn’t it?” He teased, looking up at Erwin while he pulled the sleeve down and suddenly going still when he saw the expression on his face. 

It was a soft one, he noticed, an extremely  _ fond _ looking one too. He couldn't deny it even if he was prone to losing himself to doubts, and was so struck by the way Erwin was smiling at him that he momentarily lost his train of thought. He forgot that he was trying to fix Erwin's sleeve, he realized after a moment, and that he was holding onto his arm, enough so that his palm shifted a bit and suddenly brushed across the skin of Erwin's wrist. He might have flinched away because he'd grown so enraptured by the warmth in Erwin’s eyes that the touch startled him, but he couldn't have even if he'd wanted to, because Erwin moved to grab his hand with his own and to lace their fingers together. 

“Yes, probably.” Erwin said then, squeezing Levi's palm and brushing his thumb across the back of it in a way that caused him heart to flutter. “Thanks for helping me with this, Mr. Ackerman. And for coming out with me, even though it was hard. You didn't have to, and I really appreciate it. It means a lot.”

“Yeah.” Levi breathed out in response, immediately swallowing while he soaked in Erwin's words and the fluttering heat that they caused to blossom in his belly. 

They made his cheeks burn too, of course, but Levi barely cared or noticed, and he reached up with his free arm to smooth down a small wrinkle on the front of Erwin's shirt. It was like a nervous twitch, almost, because of how flustered he was starting to feel, but he didn't flinch away or even move his hand afterward, adjusting the lapel of the jacket before leaving his palm resting on top of the spot on Erwin’s chest.

“Yeah, uh...it wasn't a big deal.” He said after another moment, staring at where he was touching Erwin with wide eyes — the roundness of them caused by a sudden wave of awe, awe and something else at how grateful Erwin actually sounded, at how he felt that way because of  _ him _ . 

He wasn't used to that and wouldn't have believed it had Erwin not said it so genuinely, and it was then that he suddenly realized the ‘something else’ he felt was happiness. Happiness at having made  _ Erwin _ happy, he thought, and pleasure at having pleased him, all because Levi cared about him and wanted him to experience those things. It wasn’t the first time he’d understood that he longed to do so either, as after all, he had thought about it when he’d made the final decision to ask Erwin out. He’d also wondered if doing so would end up being something that they could share together, and although at the time it had been almost nothing more than a hopeful dream, now it was actually happening. Now, it seemed that he’d been correct, and that he had done something meaningful and made Erwin smile for a reason that didn’t have to do with a glass of lemonade or one of his shitty jokes. It was gratifying, and with a buoyant sensation bubbling up inside his chest, Levi actually felt assured that he was doing something right for once. 

Swallowing while he continued to dwell on what that meant, he stood still for a few moments to soak in the solid warmth of Erwin’s chest beneath his hand, and that which they seemed to be sharing between them while they remained quiet. It would have been awkward not that long ago, but now it was calming somehow, he thought, rather than causing him to worry or wonder if he was doing something wrong by touching Erwin like that either. Even if he might have started to think that after another minute, Erwin seemed to be reading his thoughts, and emphasized that he didn’t mind by shifting to wrap his fingers around Levi’s outstretched arm.  

Erwin grabbed him above the elbow and stood there, the both of them positioned in a way that felt open and welcoming, and that made Levi feel like they were almost embracing. It would be easy to step forward to do so, he thought, to wrap his arms around Erwin's middle and press his face against his broad chest. He would be so close to him like that, so warm, and just the thought — plus the idea of Erwin hugging him back — made Levi feel content, so much so that it was hard for him to resist falling into him. How long had it been since he’d been held like that, he wondered? The answer was many years, of course, and even longer than that since it had been done by someone he cared so deeply about, that he trusted, and whose embrace he'd been able to sink into and find comfort in.

The last person he could remember that made him feel safe like that had been his mother, in fact, and she had died when he’d been a kid. Sure, he’d had friends and there had been his uncle, but his personality was such that he could not just share himself or open up to just anyone. That had gotten even worse after he’d locked himself inside his house, and although he was out now, although every part of him seemed to be thawing from the closed, frozen cage that he’d locked himself into, he still wasn’t sure that this was the time or the place to give in to what he wanted. A part of him was still worried about it, he thought, filling him with fear that he would get rejected and that he would ruin everything. It seemed to hit whenever he reached some sort of milestone with Erwin or did something new, and so instead of leaning into Erwin’s bulk like he longed to do, Levi just swallowed and removed his hand, stepping back.  


“So is this the winner?” He mumbled in reference to the suit, looking it over once last time with a small frown on his face. 

He watched as Erwin turned back toward the mirror to do the same, cocking his head and letting his own eyes sweep over his outfit once more. He adjusted the tie himself and twisted this way and that for a few seconds, nodding when he was done with another smile.

“Yes, I think so.” He said. “It looks good to me.”

“Alright. Good. Go get changed.” Levi told him, swatting him on the arm teasingly when he moved to go back into his changing stall.

While he put his regular clothes back on, Levi sat down in his chair, waiting for Erwin to come back out and wondering if they needed to get him anything else, like a belt or some shoes, or even an undershirt to go beneath his button down. He wasn’t going to assume that Erwin had any of that at home at this point, and although he would be happy to help him get those things too, he found himself biting his lip and feeling a bit of renewed dread at the thought of going back outside into the store. It wasn’t that he was fearful of it again, not really, but the atmosphere out there was decidedly different than that of the changing room, and Levi had found it easy to relax in the quieter, more closed-off area with just him and Erwin around. 

True, they were probably lucky that no one else had come in there that entire time — especially because it had gotten later, and Levi could hear just from the sounds outside that the store was more crowded — but either way, he knew he would end up becoming tense, wary of his surroundings, and on edge again as soon as he stepped through the exit. Increased anxiousness like that was annoying and exhausting, and he’d already had enough of it for one day hours ago. He was ready to go home by then if he was being honest, but he wasn’t going to suggest they leave if Erwin needed something else after having come all this way. Luckily, though, it seemed he actually did have a belt and shoes, and plenty of plain, white t-shirts that  _ weren’t  _ stained with grass that he could wear under his button down. 

He assured Levi that it was all in good condition and in a neutral, matching brown color, and promised that he could at least be trusted to pick out  _ some  _ things, including his shoes — mostly unworn loafers — and his belt — a very nice Italian leather one that his father had given to him as a gift. Levi was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt on those things, he supposed, and helped Erwin put all of his unwanted clothing on a rack at the entrance to the changing room. It was made for that but he still tried to hang everything up neatly, and then began to brace himself to go back outside. He planned to follow Erwin as he had before, of course, but felt less dread with the thought that all they had to do was pay, and that they would then be out of the store very, very soon. 

They’d only managed to take a few steps toward the door, however, when Levi found himself suddenly stopping behind Erwin, who had frozen in place after shifting the clothing he planned to buy in his hands in order to take a look at the price tags. 

“Wait.” He said, frowning as he eyed the one sticking out of the suit jacket. “I thought this one was marked down. Did we grab the wrong thing?”

Raising an eyebrow, Levi moved to stand beside him, reaching out to look at the tag himself while he thought. They’d looked at so many items of clothing that it was almost hard to remember, but there had been a similar navy blue suit jacket to the one he was holding that was on sale. Apparently, he'd grabbed the wrong one — either on accident, or because it had been put in the wrong place — because the price was almost triple what the other one would had been. That also happened to be because it was an expensive brand too, Levi noticed, but still, he understood why Erwin was unhappy. 

Throughout their shopping trip, Erwin had attempted to pick out things that were on sale when he could because he presumably had some sort of budget. Levi had helped because he’d understood, but now, because of the jacket and even  _ with _ the extra cash that Levi had given him the day before, the total cost of what he needed to get was apparently too much. The money he had wouldn't be enough, and the realization was making Erwin frown. He looked a bit frustrated too, Levi thought, and once he noticed, it only took a few seconds for him to think of an easy solution. 

“It doesn't matter.” He said, reaching for the jacket in Erwin's arms. “I'll get it.”

“What? Mr. Ackerman—

“Don't argue. Just let me get it.”

“But—

“It’s not a big deal, okay? It doesn’t matter.” Levi said more firmly, hoping that his words were enough to halt Erwin’s protesting. 

Levi had expected him to do it, of course, before he’d even made the offer. He’d been ready for it and had already decided he was going to buy the clothing no matter what, but he hoped that his insistence would make the argument brief. There was no reason for Erwin to be stubborn, Levi thought, because he needed this stuff and Levi wanted to get it for him. He  _ wanted  _ to buy them and to help him out — not because he pitied him for being unable to afford it, but because Levi didn’t want him to have to worry about it. He wanted him to do good on his interview the next day too, and Levi wasn’t going to let him wear something shitty or even settle on something that wouldn’t look as nice on him if they didn’t have to. This was just another way that he could help him get the scholarship he wanted, Levi thought, and well...it was all pretty much the same exact thing that he’d reveled in earlier: making Erwin happy.

Doing so made him feel good, he thought, and besides, it wasn’t like it was a big deal for him anyway. The amount wouldn’t make any difference in the funds that he had in his accounts, and although he might have balked at making this purchase for himself, he’d already realized a while back that he didn’t mind spending money if it had to do with Erwin. 

“That wasn’t why I asked you to come.” Erwin said then though, seeming a bit more open to the idea as he smile ruefully down at his clothes, but not relenting yet. “I wasn’t trying to get you to pay for this.”

“Don’t you think I know that shit? I could barely get you to accept a glass of lemonade the first time I made it.” Levi responded, biting his lip for a moment while he paused, thinking. 

He looked back at all of the rejected clothing they had put on the rack while he did so, having had the sudden thought that he should get him some of those things too. After all, he thought, Erwin didn’t just need the suit for an interview, he needed it in general, because according to him he had no dress clothes whatsoever, and Levi had started to have the sneaking suspicion that all he had in his wardrobe was t-shirts and jeans. If that was the case, one suit wasn’t enough, not really. He needed more, or at least a few other items that he could mix and match together when the occasion called for it, and Levi had no problem using his own money to make sure that would be the case. 

“Since I’m paying, let’s get some of this shit too.” He continued from where he’d left off, walking back over to the rack to look through it. 

He’d already pulled off the pair of black slacks that he’d tried on first before Erwin even had a chance to protest, and was moving for the matching suit jacket next and the white shirt. Those were basics that couldn’t be passed up, he thought, and neither were several of the ties — the ones in solid colors that he would be able to accentuate other outfits with. 

“Wait. Mr. Ackerman, you don’t have to. That’s too much.” Erwin said though, unsurprisingly and with a concerned tone that almost made Levi sigh. 

It wasn’t because he was irritated at him for protesting or anything, but he wished he would stop arguing, and he felt a little frustrated at not being able to get the point across yet. Why wouldn’t Erwin just let him buy it? What more could he say to make Erwin understand that not only did he not mind doing this, but he  _ wanted  _ to, enough so that the thought of  _ not  _ getting to buy him the clothes now seemed disappointing and regrettable, because it wasn’t like Erwin didn’t deserve this. It wasn’t like he hadn’t done things for Levi either, things like keeping him company, going out of his way to be nice to him, helping him with the tree in his backyard, and being so understanding and supportive about how fucking crazy he was when it came to going out in public. The least Levi could do to pay him back would be to do this for him, he thought, suddenly feeling all the more determined to pay for his clothes than he’d been before because of the realization.

“No.” He said then, swallowing while his cheeks warmed, his stomach flipping nervously just once as he struggled to figure out how to explain. The thought made him flustered and he didn’t want to make Erwin uncomfortable, but hadn’t they gone through enough the past two days to make that a stupid notion? “I’m...I want to, okay. I want to get it. For you. It’s a gift. Got it?”

While speaking, Levi had looked up into Erwin's eyes again, drawing his own brows down firmly, frowning, too, and trying to look stern because he didn't want him to protest anymore. For a moment it seemed like he would because he remained silent for a few seconds, but then thankfully, he seemed to finally understand after fully taking in Levi’s expression. He sighed and looked away, and his shoulders even slumped a bit as if he’d been defeated. Then, he smiled and opened and closed his mouth a few times like he wasn’t exactly sure what to say, and didn’t manage to speak again until Levi had turned to start rifling through the rack again. 

“Alright.” He said quietly, shifting his gaze back to Levi. “If you insist.”

“I do. You can't go around wearing t-shirts for the rest of your life.” Levi responded, glad that Erwin had accepted his offer

Shoving the clothing from the rack into his arms — if Erwin wasn't going to give any of it to him, Levi decided he was just going to have to hold it himself — he then began looking through it again, finding the grey suit, a pair of pinstriped pants, a few more ties, and several solid colored shirts, including the pink one because, well…because that had probably been Levi’s favorite out of everything he'd tried on. He couldn't help thinking that while he pulled it off the rack and considered it, taking a few more seconds to do so than he had with everything else because he was remembering how Erwin had looked at it. Naturally, he felt his face grow hot while he imagined it, and the redness only spread when he then caught Erwin staring down at him with a lopsided smile, a playful brightness to his eyes like he  _ knew  _ what Levi was thinking, and he found himself shoving the shirt into his arms, scoffing before he got back to business and jerked his gaze away. 

By the time he was done going through everything, Erwin had an armful of items, the bulk of it probably enough dress clothes to last him for an entire week if he needed it without having to give anything a repeat wear. Levi had not necessarily intended to get quite that much, but he didn't care, and actually found the thought of needlessly splurging to buy a bunch of nice suits for Erwin to be satisfying somehow. He even got him the stupid plaid, flannel shirt he'd been looking at before Levi directed him to the dress clothes, after catching him longingly glancing at it on their way out. He'd stopped in place after glimpsing him and had then gestured with his head for Erwin to go grab it, finding it amusing when he only hesitated for a single second this time before walking over to pull one off the rack. He added it to the pile of items in his arms, and like that, after passing his card to Erwin because he didn’t want to make the transaction himself, Levi eventually ended up back inside Erwin’s car with their bags of clothing and a warm feeling in his chest, having not only survived his first public outing in years, but finding it to actually be more worthwhile than he ever could have thought too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very excited for the next chapter :)


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Fuck.” Levi muttered then, finding himself clenching his fists and his jaw, thinking about how tired he was of falling victim to his anxieties.
> 
> He hated it, and he didn’t want to do it anymore, because no, he thought, he just couldn’t. He couldn’t keep letting things end up like this or he really would be alone for the rest of his life, because if he wasn’t able to communicate and be honest then things would always end up like this: fractured and misconstrued, not what they could or should be because he just couldn’t find it in himself to speak. Did he have to speak, though? Couldn’t he just act? Wasn’t there a way to tell Erwin that he appreciated his friendship and valued his presence in his life without words? There was, he realized suddenly, it was possible, and so because somehow, for some reason he found that way easier, Levi forced the doubts in his head down and stepped forward to do the thing that he’d been longing to do so badly with Erwin in the changing room before: he hugged him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to everyone who said that levi is now erwin's sugar daddy after the last chapter: yes ;)

“You didn’t have to do that.” Erwin told Levi once they’d gotten back inside his car. “It was too much.”

He was referring to the bags of clothing that Levi had just bought for him, of course, the ones that were now sitting in the back seat from where they’d loaded them up and that Erwin had kept sneaking looks at as if he couldn't believe they were really there. He'd spoken after his gaze had lingered a little longer on the biggest one with wide eyes, and was still making the same face that he had in the store when the woman at the cash register had told them the total of their purchase. Naturally, with the armloads of dresswear Levi had gotten him, it had been a quite large number — almost as much as one of Erwin's entire paychecks, in fact, if Levi remembered correctly — and even though he’d already accepted Levi’s offer to pay for it  _ and  _ taken his card, he’d still parted his lips in alarm upon hearing it, his shoulders stiffening too as he jerked his gaze down to where Levi had been standing behind him. 

He was checking to see if he’d heard the total too, Levi knew instantly, and was staring at him with a question in his eyes, the  _ ‘are you sure?’ _ he might have asked him had they been alone visible right behind his blue irises as plain as day. It wasn’t surprising that he was looking at him like that, Levi thought, and that he’d hesitated upon hearing the seemingly astronomical amount, but he didn’t care. He’d already agreed to pay for it with the expectation that it would be high, and certainly wasn’t going to rescind his offer now. Sure, it was a good chunk of change, but all in all, it was less than what Levi spent on his groceries every month. He’d live, he thought, because it wouldn’t make a difference in his day to day funds, and even if it did, he’d already decided that getting Erwin a large gift like this that he both needed and wanted was worth it. 

“It doesn’t matter.” Levi said to him in the car because of that, shrugging just like he’d done a few minutes before at the cash register and given Erwin the final permission he apparently needed to hand the employee his credit card. “You needed it.”

“Yes, but not  _ all  _ of it.” Erwin murmured quietly, the frown on his face persisting for just a moment longer while he stared at the bags of clothing until he twisted back to gaze at Levi.

When their eyes met it immediately turned back into a smile, a wide, glee-filled one that made him look beyond pleased. His entire face was practically glowing because of it, in fact, and since it wasn’t hard to figure out what was causing him to look so happy, Levi found the validation he already held from gifting the clothing to him soar to all new levels. It was so much that after a second he had to bite back a small smile of his own, his heart singing in his chest because of how palpable Erwin’s appreciation was. It was because of him, he knew, and since it wasn’t often that he was regarded by someone like that, even if it  _ was  _ because of something simple, the fact that it was coming from Erwin — whose mere existence was already enough to make Levi happy anyway — it was all the more better.

With his cheeks warm and surely reddened, Levi tried to shrug as nonchalantly as he could in response to Erwin’s comment, crossing his arms and sitting back in his seat to get comfortable.

“Maybe.” He said coolly, while Erwin raised an eyebrow. “But now you won’t need any new suits for a long time.”

“That’s true.”

“I know you were struggling without it too, living your entire life in t-shirts and jeans and shit, so you needed it.” Levi teased, his dry tone doing nothing to disguise the blatant sarcasm that he was speaking with. 

Obviously, he was referring to the fact that Erwin hadn’t needed a suit since high school, something that he found amusing and silly and somehow endearing at the same time. It made Erwin laugh too because he let out a huff of amusement at his words, shifting in his seat before fixing him with a pointed look.

“You’re proving my point, you know.” He said, because through his teasing, Levi had just given Erwin an effective argument for why he shouldn’t have bought him the clothes. 

He hadn’t meant it like that, of course, and so it didn’t matter. Still, it made him snort and shake his head, watching as Erwin moved his hands to start his car. “No. I already bought it so it’s too late, and we’re not returning it.”

“Well…” Erwin answered, chuckling while looking a bit sheepish again. “Thank you.”

Nodding, Levi sat back and looked out the window, waiting for Erwin to put his car into gear and start driving. He’d turned the AC on and reached for the shifter after he’d started it, but a few seconds passed without them moving. After realizing they weren’t going anywhere and that Erwin hadn’t said anything else, Levi turned back to look at him curiously, finding that he’d stopped with his hand on the gearshift and was staring at it like he was thinking. A second passed, and then he turned away from it to meet Levi’s eyes again, his eyebrows raised questioningly and his lips parted before he’d even spoken. “Ah...since you paid for all of that, can I treat you to lunch? I know of a good food truck around here, so we could eat in the car.”

At that, Levi’s eyes widened a bit and he froze, as he certainly hadn’t been expecting  _ that  _ to come out of Erwin’s mouth. His first reaction, of course, was to stiffen up and feel a fresh lurch of dread and anxiety go through his stomach from the thought of going back inside another public space again, because even if he’d made it through their shopping trip he wasn’t suddenly going to be fine with going everywhere — especially right then. After the experience he’d had he was actually feeling relieved that they’d been about to head home soon because he was ready to go, but upon Erwin finishing his sentence and telling Levi that it was a  _ food truck _ he was asking to take him to, staying out a little longer suddenly seemed a bit more bearable. In fact, his almost instinctive reticence was instantly replaced with something much better than that, something much more exciting and pleasant because of where they would be going, and because of the fact that Erwin wanted to treat him to lunch. 

The former was from Levi’s sudden piqued interest, which arose because he had never been to a food truck before. He’d heard of them, sure, and knew what they were, but that particular trend hadn’t caught on until after he’d barred himself inside his house. Now, apparently, they were everywhere, and he’d read plenty of online articles about the wide variety of food they served and what the most popular themes for them were. There was everything from ramen food trucks to gourmet - or at least,  _ supposedly  _ gourmet - steak food trucks, and Levi had to admit he was curious about them. He’d like to see for himself if the meals there were nearly as original and unique as he'd always heard them to be, and what they tasted like. Also, he thought, he  _ was _ pretty hungry.

“Yeah. Okay.” He said then, accepting Erwin’s offer of lunch without skipping another beat. The fact that they could eat in the car made it all the more easy for him to say yes, because as long as he was in there he was sure he'd be fine. He was calm enough right then and free of tension; a direct contrast to how anxious and on edge he'd been when he'd sat in the car on their way to the store. That was because he'd had the fear of actually going inside of it to still deal with, but now that it was over, he thought, he almost felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He actually felt rather cheerful now and in a decent mood, all because he'd gotten the dreaded event over with  _ and _ he'd made it through the entire thing without permanently screwing things up. “You don't need to pay for my shit though. Keep your money.”

His last words were, of course, because although the offer was nice and made his heart skip a beat — he hadn’t expected Erwin to be so pleased by his clothing purchase that he’d want to do something in return — Levi didn't want him to feel like he had to, or that he owed him something. What he’d done in the store had been a gift like he’d said, because he could tell that money was something valuable to Erwin and that he spent carefully. His funds seemed tight to Levi, or at least, not indispensable, and if he’d fretted over buying one suit jacket then Levi didn’t want him to waste whatever cash he did have by buying him lunch. He could afford his own food, but just as Levi hadn’t put up with any of Erwin’s protesting inside the store, Erwin did the same to him. 

“No.” He said, smiling and shaking his head at Levi’s comment. “I'm buying it. I want to take you to lunch. It's a gift, got it?”

At that, Levi snorted. His cheeks warmed too, because Erwin had just repeated what Levi had said to him in the changing room about the clothes. His insistence made him flush and he shifted to look out the window, wondering, for a single moment, if this was supposed to be like some kind of date, before he bit his lip and then nodded, realizing much quicker than Erwin had that arguing would be useless — especially, he thought, if Erwin felt the same about doing a favor for Levi as he’d felt about doing one for Erwin. 

“Fine.” He said then, biting his lip and glancing back over at Erwin. “What kind of food truck is it?”

“They sell burgers.”

“Burgers?” Levi asked, raising an eyebrow and wondering if he was about to be shown the food truck equivalent to McDonald’s. 

He would still gladly eat it for Erwin even if it was, of course, and wouldn’t complain, because he didn’t mind McDonald’s, but with what Levi knew about Erwin’s eating habits, he wouldn't be surprised if what he said was a food truck actually turned out to be just a guy standing outside selling frozen hamburgers from a cart. 

“Yes. They're very good.”

“Okay.” 

“Is that alright, though? Do you like hamburgers? If not, we can go somewhere else. I’m sure we can find another truck, or go home if you’d rather— 

“No.” Levi said immediately, interrupting Erwin and drawing his brows down. His words were probably just his usual politeness rearing its head, but Levi had felt the smallest hint of anxiousness at the thought that he’d made it seem like he didn’t want to go somehow, disappointment, too, flooding him preemptively over not getting to eat lunch with Erwin for whatever reason after all. He  _ did  _ want to go and he wanted him to know that, and so he bit his lip and continued, hoping that his next words were clear enough so that Erwin wouldn’t even be able to doubt him. “It’s fine. I like burgers, and I’m hungry. I want to go, and I wanna see the food truck. I’ve never been to one before.” 

Watching Erwin for a moment after he spoke, Levi sank back into his seat a second later in relief when his reaction was to smile widely and nod. Obviously, his answer had been enough and pleased him, and with their lunch plans now surely settled, he finally put his car into gear from where he’d waited before and began to leave the parking lot.

“You could probably open a food truck up with your skills, you know.” He said while he did so, as the store grew smaller behind them and he headed towards the shopping center’s exit.

His cheeks were still dimpled from Levi’s words a moment ago, when he'd agreed to go to lunch with him, but Levi, on the other hand, found himself snorting at Erwin's.  _ That _ idea was ludicrous, he thought, considering how he could barely function in a store for a few hours without losing his shit. How the hell would he run a food truck? There was no way; it was improbable, but even so, Levi couldn't help but bask in the compliment  _ a little, _ despite the fact that it was also unfounded for one very important reason. “How do you know? You haven't even eaten my food.”

“That's not true. You made me grilled cheese, remember?”

“That doesn't count. It was grilled cheese.”

“Well, it was the best grilled cheese I've ever had.”

“That's because you make grilled cheese in the fucking microwave.” Levi said, making a face while he remembered Erwin telling him that exact thing. 

Erwin laughed in response to his teasing about it, and then went silent, allowing a warm lull in their conversation to settle in until they got to a red light. They were out of the shopping center by then and back onto the main road, of course, and once they stopped again, he used the pause in his driving to glance over at Levi and continue from where he'd left off. “So you're saying we won't be having grilled cheese when we eat dinner together, then?”

“ _ No _ .” Levi said immediately, biting his lip while warmth filled his chest at the mention of their upcoming date. He hadn't forgotten about it — there's no fucking way he could even if he wanted to — but it was nice to be reminded that it was still happening, especially because it had been one of the main things that Levi had feared he might ruin if he made a fool of himself during their outing. It was debatable whether he had or not because he  _ had _ experienced a small moment of panic outside, but regardless, Erwin had not changed his mind about eating dinner with him. “Fuck that. We aren't going to be having anything that can be cooked in a microwave.”

“Well, whatever we have, I'm sure it will be delicious. I'm looking forward to it.” Erwin responded, chuckling a bit and keeping his smile on him until the light turned green. 

While he did so, Levi just flushed at his words and looked right back, finding himself suddenly reaching for Erwin's hand again much like he'd done on their way there: by all but jerking his arm out to grasp it, wrapping his fingers around Erwin's palm while his eyes lowered to where they were touching. Like that, Levi was able to watch Erwin shift to hold his hand back, to feel the warmth from his skin seemingly spread up his arm and into his chest. His heart jumped into his throat and he felt impossibly  _ close  _ to him all of a sudden, more close, more familiar, and more grateful towards Erwin in that moment than he’d felt towards anyone else in a very long time. 

Perhaps it was because of what had happened in the changing room, he thought, and how they’d shared a good number of lingering touches and flirtatious comments, or perhaps it was just because Levi had opened up to Erwin a lot in the past 24 hours. He’d done so both willingly and unwillingly when he’d warned Erwin about the possibility of him having a panic attack and then nearly had one right in front of him anyway, and as had just been made clear to him, Erwin hadn’t skipped a beat. In fact, he’d accepted it unconditionally and had acted as if it hadn’t even phased him, remaining there with Levi and even inviting him to lunch afterward. 

All of that meant a great deal to Levi, of course, because he didn’t often share those sides of himself with just anyone, and it was relieving to have done so and received a welcoming response rather than a shitty one. Perhaps that too was why he now had this warm, unfamiliar sensation of connectedness swimming around inside of him, he thought, because all of the trust and fondness he’d put into Erwin, all of the risks he'd taken in letting his guard down, going out with him, and even befriending him in the first place had not been a mistake. 

In reality it was probably a mixture of all three, he realized, as those were all good things that allowed the closeness he felt to Erwin to make sense, and that made it obvious that something was growing between them too. He'd already known that, of course, because it had started from the moment they had first met. It had gotten stronger and stronger ever since, and although Levi was certainly aware of it, that moment was perhaps the first time that he really, truly believed that Erwin felt it too. 

He had to, Levi thought, because what else would explain the things that had happened? What else could be the reason for the sweet, flirtatious comments that he'd made to Levi, or the way he hadn't seemed to mind when Levi had touched him in places  _ other _ than his hands? Nothing could, he finally realized for sure, having been suspecting it more and more, of course, but not  _ really _ thinking he could be right until just then when all of their interactions that day had finally sunk in, and it wasn't something they could keep ignoring. Too much had happened for them to keep pretending that their current interlocked fingers and everything else didn't matter, and although Levi didn't know when, where, or how it would be realized, he felt excited for all of it, for their upcoming dinner and for their lunch, and for where this had to be going. 

The jubilant feeling persisted after they arrived at the food truck, parked, and started studying the menu, when Levi found fondness and longing mixing in, and when he almost idly got the urge to lean over into Erwin's bulk while they sat there. He wished he could rest his head on his shoulder or tuck himself against his chest, he thought, because it looked warm and comfortable and he apparently wanted to match the emotional closeness he felt to him with something more physical too. It was like before in the changing room when he'd wanted to hug him, but as he had then and with the concern that this might not be the right time, Levi hesitated and had to settle for just enjoying how their palms felt pressed together and the smile Erwin gave him when he left the car to go order their food.

Once he did, it took him about 10 minutes to come back with it, which was actually pretty fast considering the line of people that had formed outside the truck. Thankfully, it went in the opposite direction of Erwin’s car so that Levi didn’t have to deal with anyone getting close to the window and looking inside or anything like that — such things would make him uncomfortable, he thought — and so they could eat in peace, their lunch remaining undisturbed once Erwin climbed back into the car with their food and drinks in hand. 

“One large soda.” He announced, passing said soda over to Levi. “And one Down and Dirty Burger.”

Much to Levi’s chagrin, while saying the last part — the burger’s name, unfortunately, a play on the the globs of chili, melted cheese, and onions practically dripping from it, as well as the theme of the place which apparently included giving their food vulgar, provocative titles — Erwin actually had the audacity to wink at him, the playful smile on his face and the brightness of his eyes making it seem like he was barely able to contain his amusement. He looked like he was about to burst out into laughter because of the innuendo, in fact, and although Levi had his own shitty sense of humor and couldn’t talk, it was cheesy and ridiculous. What was even more ridiculous than that, though, was the fact that he found it endearing for whatever reason, and that he flushed when Erwin had spoken and teased him too, all because he knew he was flirting again and because...well, because his words had caused a large amount of inappropriate thoughts to run through his head, all of which were certainly inspired by the burger’s name — except without the chili. 

It didn’t help that Erwin’s burger was called something suggestive too, as was the side of fries he’d gotten to go along with it, the both of them respectively named the Morning After Burger — because of the bacon and fried egg on top, he assumed — and Fries to Mouth — which he guessed had something to do with the fact that fries  _ did _ usually go inside mouths, but was also meant to remind him of the phrase ‘ass to mouth.’ As somewhat of a home chef himself, Levi could not imagine why anyone would want to name an item on their menu after something like that, but that wasn’t what he was really worried about. What he  _ was  _ concerned with was how his mind had immediately conjured up an image of the act that happened before that of the fries’ namesake, and how, because there was only one person who Levi fantasized about these days and they were sitting right next to him, he couldn’t help but picture Erwin lying on his bed with his legs spread, his eyes closed and his breath quickening in pleasure while Levi's head moved below and licked at him eagerly. 

Naturally, with a thought like that rattling around inside his brain, Levi’s cheeks went hot, as did every single inch of his skin and the area below his waist. Biting his lip and feeling caught off guard, Levi snorted and all but snatched his food from Erwin’s hands, rolling his eyes when Erwin then announced the name of his own burger in amusement and raised his eyebrows.

“You sound like one of the damn kids.” Levi muttered to him, looking away and only carefully sliding his eyes back towards Erwin when he started eating. “Laughing at shit like that.”

“I don’t know. I hope that this kind of thing would go over their heads.” Erwin replied, smiling and referring to the fact that Mikasa and the others were probably too young to understand innuendo, at least theoretically.

“Yeah. They’d probably tell me mine had shit on it instead.” Levi said, taking a bite of his burger. 

While he spoke, a large glob of chili slipped out from underneath the bun and landed on his wrapper, the color and chunkiness of it seeming to just further support Levi’s crude comparison. He looked at it when it fell and went quiet when it made a surprisingly loud ‘splat’ sound, and stared for a moment before he slowly glanced over at Erwin when he noticed he’d gone still too. He’d also seen the chili come out of the bun, apparently, and for whatever reason, the ludicrousness of what they were talking about and the fact that...well, that Levi’s burger had just metaphorically taken a  _ shit  _ on his wrapper, made the atmosphere in the car suddenly seem playful and high-spirited, as did the fact that it was somehow completely obvious that they were both thinking the same exact thing. 

Because of that, it was only another second before Erwin started laughing in his seat, his lips curving up into a wide smile and his eyes even closing for a few moments with mirth. The sound of it was so loud and so sudden that Levi’s mouth fell open briefly, closing only after he’d watched Erwin with wide eyes long enough for his heart to start pounding. His amusement was so charming that it made Levi’s chest swell, he thought, and he couldn’t help but think about he looked his young age for once while he was laughing like that. It was all enough to make his own lips curve up in just the slightest into a smile of his own, his head shaking at the exact same time too with mock derision.

“Ridiculous.” He scoffed, while he went to take another bite of his burger. 

He made sure to wipe his mouth thoroughly when he was done because he didn’t want any ‘shit’ on his face, and watched as Erwin snorted and then let his laughter die down to a quiet chuckle. 

“You’re the one who ordered that burger.” He told Levi, the amused tone still completely obvious in his voice. 

It didn’t go away even after Levi fired something back at him in response, staying, instead, while they continued talking and bantering while they ate lunch in Erwin’s car. All in all, it was — dare Levi say it —  _ delicious _ even though his was exceedingly messy and difficult to handle without getting chili or cheese all over himself, so much so that Erwin had to exit the vehicle at one point to fetch him more napkins when he ran out. He went to grab Levi a handful to clean his fingers off long after he had practically inhaled his own burger, and then munched on his fries slowly once he was back while Levi finished up, finally taking everything out to a nearby trashcan once they were done before they finally headed home. During the drive, full of food and a bit tired out from what had basically been an excursion for him, Levi stayed silent for most of the ride, idly watching the sights that he'd missed on the way to the city pass by outside of the car’s window as Erwin drove along

While he did so, Levi was able to put everything that had happened that day more into perspective too, and decided by the time that they got back to his house that overall, it had been fun — especially the lunch. He’d enjoyed spending that much time with Erwin even if it had been stressful at first, and he actually found himself wishing that it didn’t have to end. He didn’t want Erwin to go home even though he knew he had to, because he needed to finish preparing for his interview or whatever and Levi had told him to forget about working on his backyard that afternoon so he could do so. 

He'd just have to wait until Erwin was done for the mess to start being removed again, he’d decided, as he wasn’t going to make Erwin deal with that shit when he had something more important to do. He could put it off for one more day if it meant that he’d do well and get the scholarship he wanted, and Levi felt confident that he’d have enough good things to reflect on that night rather than spending his time worrying about the destruction outside and the delay in getting it fixed.

In fact, he found himself looking forward to Erwin coming back moreso just because he wanted to see him again rather than because he wanted him get rid of the fallen tree, as he knew he would likely have to wait at least a day and a half and might not even be able to talk to him before that. He'd be preparing, Levi knew, and while he had no idea what the fuck that actually entailed — he assumed Erwin was studying the essay he wrote and shit like that, or something — but he wasn’t going to risk interrupting Erwin while he was doing it, and...well, after spending so much time with him lately and the growing closeness that he felt, Levi could tell that being in his house by himself after that day was going to make him feel lonely.

It was funny that he could admit to that so freely now when he’d once adamantly been in denial about it, but he supposed that it was easier because finding a solution to his solitude no longer seemed so hopeless. When he’d first met Erwin he’d had no one in his life to turn to except for Hange, and although they were a good friend to him, they lived halfway across the world and their sporadic conversations and Skype calls hadn’t been enough. There had still been something missing that he hadn’t known he’d wanted until he’d unwittingly hired Erwin as his gardener, and now that he’d found it and realized how happy it made him, it was noticeable when it was missing and caused things to not feel the same. That was probably only natural, he figured, but even so, he hoped for the day when maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t  _ have _ to miss Erwin as much when he was gone, when he wouldn’t feel lonely anymore because Erwin actually never left. 

He couldn’t help but think about it even if he was probably getting way, way ahead of himself, as he still didn’t know what the fuck it was they were doing right then. He hoped to find out soon, of course, but until that time he should probably at least  _ try  _ not to set himself up for future disappointment as much as he could, and shouldn’t start dreaming about Erwin living with him or being at his house all the time when all they had done so far is hold hands for a reason that still remained unspoken. That also meant that he should probably try to enjoy Erwin’s presence as much as he could while he was around, too, and so he decided to do just that once they got back to his house, telling himself to focus on it and to savor the last few moments he would be spending with him that day while he taught him how to knot a tie as he'd promised. 

He hadn’t forgotten that Erwin had accepted his offer of help when they’d been in the dressing room earlier that morning, of course, and obviously Erwin had not either, as he followed Levi inside once they made it back to his house with one of the brand new ties Levi had bought him inside a shopping bag. It was the paisley one, Levi saw when he eventually took it out, the one colored in pink and purple swirls that had looked so nice over Erwin's pink shirt and grey suit, and that made him think that it was a shame he wouldn’t be putting the rest of  _ that _ outfit back on along with it. 

Unfortunately, there was no reason for him to so it would have to stay off, of course, which was probably actually a good thing so Levi wouldn’t have to worry about getting flustered while looking at him again. It was going to be hard enough assisting Erwin with just the tie when he had normal clothes on as it was without that happening anyway — or at least, he feared it would be, because what if he ended up having to do it himself again? What if he couldn’t get the hang of it, and Levi would have to physically show him by guiding his hands or something? He couldn’t deny that he wanted that to happen, but either way, if it did he’d end up close to him all over again, standing near his bulk and wrapped up in his scent, the almost intoxicating mixture of the two surely destined to make Levi feel heated and longing for more.

Swallowing at the thought, Levi decided that he should probably pour himself a glass of water before they got started, and offered Erwin one too. Naturally he accepted, and Levi fixed them both their semi-usual refreshing tray of wrapped glasses, fresh lemon slices, and an ice cold pitcher of filtered water. This time, however, instead of serving it to Erwin at his kitchen table like they’d always done, he led him into his living room and set it down there so that Erwin could get comfortable on his couch. While he did that and took a sip from his drink, Levi quickly went upstairs to grab one of his own ties, knowing that he would need it to demonstrate with if Erwin was actually going to learn to do this properly by himself.

“Okay.” He said when he came back downstairs with it, after he’d grabbed a simple black one made out of the same kind of silky material as Erwin's was. “I know you said you were just out of practice, but I’ll go slow for you. You think you can manage?”

In response to Levi’s teasing, Erwin just chuckled and smiled. He set aside the glass of water he’d still been holding and shifted on the couch, sitting back and fixing his eyes on Levi as if he was getting ready to watch him. That was what he  _ was  _ going to have to do, he supposed, at least this first time, but the heavy set of his gaze still made Levi flush a bit, his face warming while he bit his lip and slung the tie around his neck.

“Alright. First you just loop this shit over...like this.” He started, demonstrating slowly while Erwin stared. “Then you pull this part through. The wide part, see?”

“Yes.” Erwin answered, a smile in his eyes as he slid them up to Levi's face and back down again. 

He was watching his fingers, Levi saw, studying them carefully and following every movement they made once he continued. He knew because he couldn't help but glance between what was becoming the knot and Erwin's face every other second, finding it hard to concentrate when every single ounce of his attention was focused entirely on him. It made him feel warm all over, he thought, tingly and a bit giddy even while his stomach flipped, but rather than becoming nervous or shying away like he might have not that long ago, he found himself soaking the attention in too and wanting more of it. The urge to capture it was almost instinctual, in fact, and it didn't help when he cocked his hip and caught Erwin's eyes flickering down to take in the sight instead of focusing on what he was doing with the tie, the realization of which gave Levi a sudden surge of excitement and caused him to blurt something out which he might not have had the nerve to say before. 

“Hey.” He chided playfully, shifting again and giving Erwin a lidded glance, speaking in a coy tone that seemed to almost come out of his mouth without his permission. “Eyes up here, big guy. Watch the last loop.”

After he spoke, Levi didn't even have a chance to wonder if he'd said anything wrong before Erwin immediately looked back up not at his tie, but into his face instead, giving him a wide-eyed stare with parted lips for a split second like he’d gotten caught, or been called out. Technically he had, of course, but Levi had only been teasing him because it wasn’t like he minded, and he could only hope that Erwin’s alarmed expression meant he’d realized it and didn’t take his words the wrong way. 

“Ah...sorry. I mean, I’m…” He started though, sounding uncharacteristically unsure of his words as his cheeks pinkened a little. “Sorry. I’m sorry, I’m watching.” 

Levi raised an eyebrow at that, taken aback by Erwin’s half-panicked tone. Did he think Levi had been pissed because of his staring, or something? Had he misunderstood, or was he just embarrassed? It was hard to tell, and although Levi’s hands had kept working on the tie and slid the finished knot up towards his throat in the seconds after he’d spoken, he didn’t even have time to start to think about what he should say next, if anything, before Erwin was looking away from him and grabbing his own tie. Obviously, he was preparing to try and do it himself after watching Levi once, because he tossed it around his own neck like he had done and taken each end in one hand, but his hurried pace seemed awkward and odd, like he was trying to forcefully move on and distract them both from whatever had just happened. 

“So, you started like this, right?” He asked, completing the first step quickly and glancing up to Levi for confirmation. 

“Uh. Yeah.” Was his reply, a frown appearing on his face from the noticeable, abrupt shift in Erwin’s demeanor.

“And then I loop it this way?”

“Yeah. Make sure it’s straight.”

“Like this?” 

“Yeah, good. No, wait. The other way.”

“Oh. I see.”

“Pull it tighter.”

“Alright.”

Continuing like that, Levi stood still and watched Erwin finish the knot up quietly, a crease remaining between his brows from how the atmosphere had changed so abruptly in the room. Before his comment, it had been friendly and warm and filled with a bit of excited tension — the same as it had been in the changing room. Now, however, things felt strained and just...not right, and although Erwin had slowed down in his actions, he still hadn’t looked at Levi again and he was starting to really think that he’d fucked up. He thought he’d been flirting, but had he accidentally made Erwin uncomfortable? Had he gone too far? True, it was certainly possible because neither one of them had been that blatant with the other yet, but he hadn’t thought twice about it as Erwin had been the one staring. Had he just gotten distracted by something else, though? Had he not actually been looking at him, and had Levi misread this entire situation and just fucked everything up?

He was afraid to follow that train of thought because the possibility almost made him feel sick, but before he could get carried away with it Erwin finished his knot and glanced back up at him tentatively. He smiled — although not as widely as he had been earlier — and sat still as if he was waiting for Levi to appraise his work, which he did after another second passed where he tried to get his bearings, swallowing before nodding in approval because even  _ if  _ his mind was threatening to start racing, he had to give Erwin an answer to keep this from getting any more awkward and weird than it already was. 

“Not bad. It’s still a little off, but…” Reaching out on instinct as if to straighten the knot, Levi stopped himself almost just as quickly, hesitantly looking into Erwin’s eyes with his hand outstretched like he was trying to make sure it was alright. He’d done this and more in the changing room with no problem, of course, but now he was unsure, and didn’t move until another second passed of Erwin remaining still and watching him. Obviously by then he had to know what he’d been about to do, and his lack of protest was enough for Levi to fix it. Even so, though, he was careful not to touch Erwin’s skin or anything like that, gently adjusting the knot so that it was centered correctly and tightened in place. “You kept it too loose when you were looping it, I think. It makes it crooked. Wanna try again?”

Erwin nodded and then undid the tie, pulling at the ends again to get it in place around his neck so that he could start over. Levi watched him carefully and cocked his head while he did so, studying him after he completed the first two steps correctly and then stopped at the third, looking down at each end of the tie with his brows drawn like he was trying to remember what to do next. 

“Like this.” Levi reminded him, doing the motion with his hands as if to demonstrate.

“Right.” Erwin answered, chuckling a bit. “I thought you said this wasn’t rocket science.”

At that, Levi snorted, feeling some of the tension in his shoulders ease a bit at Erwin’s comment. “It’s not. You had it before. Just keep it like that and it won’t get crooked.”

“This way?”

“Yeah. It’s still too loose though. Pull it tighter.” 

Levi reached out again to show Erwin what he meant, this time with less hesitation than he had before. He still glanced at Erwin’s face to make sure he wasn’t wearing any kind of strained expression or anything like that while he did so, tugging at the tie as he instructed before stepping back while Erwin repeated it himself. A few seconds after that and he’d finished the knot again, and this time, Levi thought, it looked a lot better. 

“That’s good. If you do it a few more times, you should get the hang of it.” He said, satisfied that Erwin would figure this out and wouldn’t end up going to his interview with a messed up tie.

He wasn’t surprised or anything like that, because after all, it wasn’t hard like he’d said before, and Erwin was smart. However, after everything he’d done that day to help Erwin with his outfit he wanted to be completely sure, and so he watched while he fixed the knot several more times to demonstrate to be completely sure, correcting him when he needed to until he no longer required suggestions and was able to do it flawlessly. While he practice, though, they talked amicably and Erwin’s wide, dimpling smile was back by the end of it, and Levi had relaxed again after their questionable interaction from a few minutes ago. It seemed that he hadn’t done anything to actually offend Erwin or bother him, he thought with relief, as he appeared fine now and was chatting with him as if nothing had even happened. 

Maybe he’d just imagined the sudden apprehension on his face, Levi thought, and the way he’d almost acted flustered or unnerved or something, wanting to believe that was the case as nothing like that was present in Erwin’s behavior now. However, even though he tried, he couldn’t get the concern out of the back of his mind, finding himself biting his lip when Erwin stood up a few moments later, putting his tie away and clearly talking to him as if he was getting ready to go. He needed to leave, Levi knew, because he probably had already stayed later than he’d intended, but a sudden rush of anxiety made Levi realize he didn’t want him to go without him finding out for sure or not if he had crossed a line earlier. 

If he didn’t, he thought, he would worry about it for the rest of the fucking night instead of focusing on and reminiscing about what a good day he had, as he knew his doubts would come back and make him wonder if everything about it had just been inside his head. What if he’d misunderstood everything? What if Erwin’s flirtatious comments weren’t that at all, and he’d gotten the wrong impression and now crossed a line into making things weird? 

It would just be his fucking luck to finally feel confident about something and to think he would actually get what he wanted only to end up making a fool out of himself later, he thought with a near grimace, and he didn’t want to do that. He didn’t want to be disappointed or embarrassed because he’d assumed the wrong thing, but most of all, like he had realized a few days ago, he didn’t want to lose Erwin’s friendship. That was the most important thing to him, after all, and he’d decided already that even if things didn’t turn romantic between them, he would just force himself to live with it. Having Erwin in his life as just a friend was far more important to him than not having him there at all, because regardless of what happened and how Erwin really felt about him, he made Levi happy. 

He was kind to him, and he enjoyed the time they spent together, even if it was just chatting for a few minutes over a glass of lemonade during Erwin’s workday. He distracted him from his problems and just his smile was always enough to cheer him up, and he laughed genuinely at Levi’s jokes even if they were fucking stupid. Those things made him feel good, and because of it, he’d been able to ease himself out of the shell he’d gotten stuck in with Erwin’s help, as even just their casual interactions along with his gentle coaxing and reassurance had made Levi feel more confident in himself. He made him feel worth something, too, like he was important and like he was valued and wanted at least in some way, as Erwin’s urging him to leave his house because he wanted Levi to go with him had been plenty of proof of that. He’d helped him gladly and with more patience than Levi could probably have ever summoned to do so too, with unconditional support and understanding, and allowed him to do something that he hadn’t done in years, something that could change how he lived his life if he wanted it to. 

All of those were things that happened under the guise of just friendship, and although Levi had decided that it was worth it to take the risk of possibly upsetting that before he’d asked Erwin out to dinner, now he wasn’t so sure. Now, he worried that he’d been wrong and he was about to be filled with regret, because even if he didn’t like him romantically, Erwin’s qualities and how Levi felt about him weren’t things that he’d just be able to easily find again in another person. No, they were special and  _ Erwin  _ was special, and Levi couldn’t let him leave without knowing whether he was going to lose it or not. How did he find out, though? Should he just ask him if he’d done something wrong? Should he tell Erwin how he felt or thank him, at least just for his friendship? He’d done that once already over e-mail, but it had just been a stupid mention and didn't seem like enough, but now Levi couldn’t figure out what to say, as his sudden increase in anxiousness had left him feeling like he had numerous other times before, tongue-tied and too self-conscious and concerned about choosing the right words to speak. 

It was unfortunate, he thought, because Erwin had gathered the bag he’d brought in and was smoothing down his shirt from where he’d rumpled it while working with the tie, and was clearly seconds away from leaving, the easy smile on his face fading a bit as he faced Levi while wearing an expression of conclusiveness. 

“Well.” He said, casually glancing between the exit to Levi’s entranceway and his eyes once. “I better go. I need—

“Wait.” Levi blurted, interrupting him and watching as Erwin stopped speaking, blinked, and raised his eyebrows. 

He’d spoken so forcefully that it seemed to have surprised Erwin a bit, and his face immediately began to feel hot because of it, growing worse when Erwin, of course, didn’t move away as commanded and just stared at him expectantly. He was waiting for him to continue, obviously, but Levi was struggling, opening his mouth and closing it several times before he jerked his gaze away and scowled. It was out of frustration, out of anger at himself and at his stupid self-doubt and all his problems, his mind starting to race because he was getting flustered and he just knew he was going to fail to speak. He’d end up not saying anything or telling Erwin never mind, and then he would leave and he’d spend all night upset and worried about it, wondering if he’d fucked up and if so, whether or not he’d missed his chance to make it right again by not being able to just have a simple conversation. 

It was what always happened, he thought, because he apparently couldn’t get over his bullshit no matter what, because no matter how much progress he thought he’d made and how many steps he might have successfully taken, he would always end up back at square one with his foot in his mouth and a disappointed, sickening knot in his belly. 

“Fuck.” He muttered then, finding himself clenching his fists and his jaw, thinking about how  _ tired  _ he was of falling victim to his anxieties.

He hated it, and he didn’t want to do it anymore, because  _ no _ , he thought, he just couldn’t. He couldn’t keep letting things end up like this or he really  _ would  _ be alone for the rest of his life, because if he wasn’t able to communicate and be honest then things would always end up like this: fractured and misconstrued, not what they could or should be because he just couldn’t find it in himself to speak. Did he  _ have  _ to speak, though? Couldn’t he just act? Wasn’t there a way to tell Erwin that he appreciated his friendship and valued his presence in his life without words? There was, he realized suddenly, it was possible, and so because somehow, for some reason he found that way easier, Levi forced the doubts in his head down and stepped forward to do the thing that he’d been longing to do so badly with Erwin in the changing room before: he hugged him. 

There was only a few feet of open space in between from where Erwin had stood up and meandered over to get his shopping bag, but Levi surged forward so suddenly that he almost knocked him back when he hit him. He hadn’t meant to, but he’d been filled with so much determination to just do it and to not back down that he’d all but rushed at him, practically throwing his arms around Erwin’s middle and pressing the side of his face against his chest so quickly that it had surprised him. He could tell by the way that Erwin stiffened and raised up an arm on instinct to grasp at Levi’s shoulders, grabbing him as if to steady himself, Levi, or the both of them at the same time, digging his fingers in briefly to make sure that he had him and that they both stayed upright. 

After that, though, he dropped his bag before Levi even had the chance to start panicking about what he’d just done, the sound of the plastic hitting the ground reaching his ears just as he felt Erwin relax into him and return the hug. He slid his arms around Levi’s back and stood there holding him to his chest, and even if he couldn’t see his face, even if he hadn’t said anything yet, everything about Erwin’s body language was welcoming and warm. Practically melting in relief at the realization, Levi found himself all but sagging against him, closing his eyes and tightening his arms while the feeling of being embraced washed over him. 

It was unfamiliar, he thought, but not overwhelming or frightening in the least, as Erwin was warm, so warm and gentle in the way he touched him, the feel of it doing a lot to calm him down and to help his mind stop racing. Leaning into it as much as he could, Levi soaked everything about it in, in fact, committing it to memory even though he’d originally done this not for himself, but to show Erwin something that he wasn’t sure how to say out loud. That was why he’d hugged him, and although Erwin had returned it without skipping a beat, it only took a few more moments of silence before Levi began to think that his actions hadn’t been clear enough, that Erwin was confused because he’d acted so suddenly and without explanation. He was still holding him tightly and relaxed in Levi’s own arms, yes, but his heart was beating rapidly in Levi’s ear, pounding, in fact, and—

“Ah…” He said then, clearing his throat from somewhere above Levi’s head and speaking gently. “Mr. Ackerman? What’s this for?”

If his question hadn’t been laced with an obvious smile, Levi might have started to feel anxious again, but thankfully he could hear it in the sound of Erwin’s voice and knew then that no matter what, he hadn’t bothered Erwin by practically throwing himself at him like this. He was fine with it, clearly, but it had still been out of the blue, and although Levi had hoped in the spur of the moment that his actions would suffice because he couldn’t speak, now he realized he was still going to have to explain himself. Luckily, though, because he’d managed to find some level of comfort by being this close to Erwin, Levi’s insecurities had lessened a bit, and he found it easier to open his mouth and make sense of his thoughts than it had been before. 

“I’m just hugging you.” He said, feeling himself going red and using a defensive tone all the same. “Can’t I just hug you?”

“Yes. I don’t mind, but...why now?” Erwin answered, his voice still warm despite what could have been seen as rudeness on Levi's part. 

“Because.” He started in response, biting his lip and holding his mouth open while he thought. “I'm...I... _ shit _ , I wanted to thank you, okay?”

“For what?”

“For today, or whatever. I mean, going out. To the store.”

“Oh. I should be the one thanking you for that. You bought me all those clothes, and—

“That doesn't matter. Fuck, you’re not getting it. I'm just...you didn't have to take me, but you did. You put up with my shit. You always do. If you hadn't started working for me, I’d still just be sitting around being an asshole. I'm trying to say...I mean, I'm glad you're my friend, and I don't want to fuck that up. So sorry if I did, or made you uncomfortable or something.” Levi said, his eyes widening while he spoke, his arms tightening around Erwin too, partly as if to almost demonstrate how he felt, and partly because he could hear himself babbling, the words seeming to fall out of his mouth uncontrollably once he'd gotten started. 

He probably sounded like an idiot, he thought, suddenly fearing that he hadn't made sense or Erwin would misunderstand. He hadn't exactly intended on apologizing like that either — not because he didn't want to or he wasn't not sorry, but because he wasn't sure if bringing up the odd moment from earlier would make things feel awkward again — and he found himself freezing in place, his mouth hanging open while he waited for Erwin to respond.

“What?” He said after a second, pulling away just a bit so that he could look down into Levi's face. “Why would you have made me uncomfortable?”

“Dammit, I mean earlier. When you were doing the fucking tie...or, I mean, watching me, and I said—

“Oh.” Erwin responded, the expression on his face making it obvious that he'd suddenly gotten it. He didn't exactly look upset or anything like that as his smile had remained, but it faltered a bit too, and Levi got the sense that he was just keeping it there to reassure him and that he had fucked up. Then, though, then he swallowed and looked to the side, shaking his head as if he was unsure at himself rather than at Levi. “No, you didn't do anything wrong. It's not that.”

“Then what is it?” Levi asked, his voice taking on a small hint of panic at the realization that he  _ had  _ done something.

Erwin had told him that it was okay and that he hadn’t been wrong, but the fact that he’d been right and that the mood in the room had shifted because of him made a sinking feeling go through his stomach. Suddenly he was desperate to know what it was, he thought, fearful and all but ready to plead with Erwin to just tell him what had happened so that he could try to make it right. 

“I…” Erwin started, his eyes still fixed on Levi, but now starting to exhibit their own signs of alarm or nervousness too. “It wasn’t you. I mean...it was, but it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have been looking, and I’m sorry. It’s inappropriate and you were right to say something. It’s just...whatever is happening, or what I’ve been doing, it’s wrong of me and I let it get out of hand. I know you invited me to dinner, but you’re my boss, and I know I shouldn’t, but— 

“Huh?” Levi blurted then, interrupting Erwin and fixing him with a confused look. “What the fuck are you talking about? You shouldn’t  _ what  _ because I’m your boss, look at me? Be my friend?” 

“No! That’s not what I meant. We can be friends.” Erwin answered, shaking his head emphatically. 

He was frowning now, Levi noticed, and his brows were drawn down in such a way that it made it look like he was fretting deeply, but rather than feel concern that this was all going to shit, after repeating Erwin’s words in his head he was starting to think that he might understand. 

“Then what?” He asked gently, after sweeping his eyes over Erwin’s face more carefully and noticing that it was flushed pink again, that although he seemed to be unsure about what he wanted to say too, it wasn’t because Levi had overstepped and made Erwin uncomfortable with his flirting. 

Rather, he was beginning to sense, it was the opposite, because if he  _ wasn’t  _ saying that they couldn’t be friends then his words about what was happening — the fact that they were growing closer, obviously — weren’t about friendship. If they weren’t about friendship then they were about something else, and with what they’d done, all the hand holding and flirting and decidedly not friendly things, in Levi’s mind there was only one other thing that it could be. 

“Erwin.” He uttered then because he had still failed to answer, pausing to swallow as his stomach erupted into a sudden swell of excited, nervous butterflies. “You haven’t been doing anything wrong. I don’t give a flying shit that I’m your boss. I’m...I like it. If I didn’t, don’t you think  I wouldn’t let you know by now?”

“Yes. At least, that’s what I’d like to think.” Erwin answered, all but breathing the words as his eyes went wide and focused on Levi with a bright intensity, like he couldn’t believe what he was saying or something and couldn’t look away.

“Then forget it.” Levi told him, swallowing in an attempt to keep his voice steady, staring right back up into Erwin’s gaze to try and make himself as clear as possible.

“Alright.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Okay, it doesn’t matter.”

“So I didn’t care that you were looking at me. I...I want you to.”

Pausing at that, Erwin seemed to stop and think for a moment, his eyes sweeping over Levi’s face again. This time, however, instead of just glancing at him quickly like he might have before, he let his gaze linger, and Levi watched as it noticeably lowered from the top of his head down towards his lips, the bright blue of them and the dark of his pupils staying there long enough for Levi to almost know exactly what he was thinking. His heart pounded in his chest while he realized it and while Erwin finally met his eyes again, his mind suddenly starting to feel almost fuzzy, like every other sound and sight around them was melting away so that the only thing he knew was Erwin. Swallowing, Levi found himself holding his breath while Erwin slowly opened his mouth to answer him, and stood as still as he could, almost as if he was afraid that if he moved the moment would go some other way. 

“Alright.” Erwin said though, his voice quiet but finally certain again, his eyes focusing again too where in the moments before, they had been searching. “So, even if I was staring because I was thinking about kissing you, it’d be okay?” 

Levi did not have it in himself to respond verbally to Erwin’s question. The sound of it, the words that came out of his mouth were too much for him to do so, too overwhelming even though he’d been hoping he was going to say something like that. From the moment he’d noticed that Erwin was blushing from their conversation, in fact, he’d felt sure that he would, that he was finally about to hear Erwin confirm the one thing he’d longed for this entire time: that he didn’t want to just be his friend, that his suspicions about all of their recent interactions were right and this was going to turn into something else. 

It had been too obvious for him to doubt it, too clear from his words just because there was no other logical explanation for what he was hinting at, but there was still nothing more incredible than having Erwin tell him what he’d wanted to know since he’d first cupped his hands in his backyard, he thought, than hear Erwin not only confirm that he felt the same way as Levi did, but that he wanted to kiss him, too. Hearing it out loud was amazing and erased any remaining hint of doubt that Levi might have had left, and although his first reaction was to assure Erwin that it was more than okay that he was thinking about kissing him and that he wanted to kiss Erwin too, his mind could not have come up with the words even if he’d wanted it to. 

No, rather than speaking, Levi just found himself with the overwhelming, inescapable urge to act instead like he’d done before with the hug, feeling a rush of something happy and excitement and warm go through him so intensely that it made it impossible for him to do anything else. Before he even realized what he was doing, as soon as Erwin’s question left his lips he found himself standing up onto his tiptoes, his hands reaching out to grab at Erwin’s shoulders again to steady himself while he leaned forward insistently, pressing his lips to Erwin’s himself in a silent but obvious confirmation that  _ yes, Erwin, wanting to kiss me is more than okay. _

Although he’d all but thrown himself at him, Levi only touched his mouth to Erwin’s lightly, surprise at himself and concern for Erwin’s reaction hitting him as soon as he’d done it. It was instinctual more than anything, as he was so used to doubting himself that he couldn’t help it, but hadn’t Erwin just told him he wanted this? He definitely had, in slightly different words than that, but his meaning had been clear, and even if it hadn’t been he almost immediately made up for it with his response. After the initial shock had passed — shock that Levi could see in Erwin’s widened eyes, as he’d kept his own open when he’d moved —he almost immediately melted into it as Levi had done the hug, parting from him for only a second to catch his breath before their lips met again. 

This time, Levi realized, it wasn’t just going to be a chaste, questioning press, because Erwin had just shown him he didn’t want to pull away, and there was no way in hell Levi was going to when he had Erwin’s mouth touching his own. Instead, he shifted his hands and slid them up and over Erwin’s neck now that it was obvious he had permission, moving to cup his jaw with both palms as if to tug him down closer even as he leaned that way on his own. Like that, Levi found himself flat on his feet again and off his tiptoes with Erwin standing over him, and as he soaked in what was happening and how it felt, slowly but surely, they kept on like that and sank into an excited, impassioned embrace.

It was probably inevitable because of how warm and soft Erwin’s lips were, Levi thought, somehow gentle in the way he kissed him each time while still being just insistent enough to keep things going, but it didn’t happen immediately, as Levi had not done this in a long, long time and had been caught off guard. He hadn’t been expecting to actually get to fucking kiss Erwin that day and he felt a surge of nerves right after it happened, nerves that Erwin must have felt too because of how tentative and careful his movements were. He shifted slowly to place a hand on Levi’s waist and then to move the other to cup the back of his neck, pausing briefly once he touched him like he was trying to make sure he wasn’t putting his fingers somewhere they weren’t supposed to before he left him there. 

Levi’s movements weren’t much different either, but as the seconds passed, as they relaxed into each other’s touches and kisses while their lips broke apart every other second — the inevitable, persistent press of them back together again happening with increasing intensity — he gradually lost himself in what they were doing and just stopped thinking. He’d long since closed his eyes before that, but it was impossible for his mind to really worry about whether or not he was doing this right when it felt so nice, and when they both grew more and more excited and eager until Levi’s lips were parting and he could suddenly taste Erwin inside his own mouth.

After that, it was all he could even do to remember his own name once he felt the slick wetness of his tongue and immediately sought for more, sensing a surge of desire lancing through him when his hot breath then ghosted across his face. It drove him onward and made him forget everything else — including how much time was passing — and he kissed Erwin harder until he was dizzy and out of breath, until he was clutching at him so hard from the emotional intensity of what had just happened that he almost started shaking. 

Only then and only after a few more minutes of lingering, heated kisses, did he part from Erwin and stop to face him again, watching as he stood up straight from where he'd been half bent over that entire time to reach him. His face was flushed more than Levi had ever seen it until then, he noticed, the color on his cheeks a ruddy red that along with his swollen lips — wet from where his own mouth had been there not even moments ago — made Levi want to capture them all over again. He refrained, though, because he was starting to get control of his thoughts again and because Erwin was staring at him with wide eyes, and because the emotional intensity of what had just happened had finally caught up with him.

“So…you aren’t going to fire me for thinking about kissing you, then?” Erwin said then, his question seeming almost out of the blue after what they had just gotten done doing. 

It was a bit ridiculous for that reason, but also because no,  _ of course _ Levi wasn't going to fire him for that. Was Erwin fucking serious? No, Levi thought, he'd smiled when he'd said it and was obviously just teasing, as Levi had been the one to all but throw himself at Erwin after he'd simply admitted to wanting to do it. He'd only responded after Levi had started it to keep it going, but regardless of that, it wasn't like it even mattered, not anymore. 

“Fuck no.” Levi scoffed, shaking his head and licking his lips. 

Glancing up at Erwin like that, he was suddenly filled with an exuberant sort of giddiness, excitement and awe and  _ happiness _ twisting in his belly at the realization that he and Erwin had just kissed, that Erwin's feelings matched Levi's and he had confirmation of it, and that this was going to change everything very, very soon. He felt relief about that too, that he finally could stop wondering if he was crazy or not and actually had an answer, but he couldn't help but ask Erwin a question of his own all the same, a simple one even after everything that had just occurred, just to be sure. 

“Uh. So that was why you’ve been holding my hand and shit, right?”

“Yes.” Erwin replied immediately, a hint of amusement in his voice while he answered. He still had a hand on Levi's waist as they hadn't stepped far apart from each other just yet, and he smiled wider as he moved it, reaching down to take Levi's palm between his fingers gently. “I like you, Mr. Ackerman, I—

“Stop calling me that.” Levi blurted out then, interrupting him because he'd had the sudden realization of just how  _ stupid  _ it was that Erwin was still so formal with him. 

He probably should have told him long ago, he thought, but for whatever reason it had not really dawned on him until exactly right then, until they had shared a kiss and exposed their feelings for each other, and until it became apparent that Erwin was far, far too familiar to Levi for him to have to be that polite. Besides, it wasn't like he was an old man either. Yeah, he was older than Erwin and he was his boss, but as Levi had just revealed to him, that didn't fucking matter, and he suddenly more than anything wanted Erwin to call him by his real name. 

“Alright.” Erwin said in response, a brightness behind his eyes that had lit up as soon as Levi had told him that. He was practically beaming now, in fact, as if Levi’s request had made him undeniably happy. “What should I call you, then?”

“My fucking name.” Levi scoffed, biting his lip while his heart fluttered. “I know you know it.”

“Levi?” Erwin asked, speaking the question not as if he was unsure of his name, but as if he was seeking permission, making sure that was what Levi wanted to hear even as he smiled down at him warmly. 

“Yeah. Levi.”

“Okay.” Erwin said, with enough fondness in his voice to make Levi flush with warmth. “Okay...Levi.” 


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Uh.” He started with that thought, swallowing and diverting his gaze back to where his palms were still pressed against Erwin’s chest. While he looked, his hesitance did not go unnoticed, because it only took a second after he’d spoken before Erwin was reaching up to hold both of his hands again. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to make him feel warm and to give him a fresh hint of courage, giving him what he needed to continue speaking after he’d taken a deep breath. “I like you too, Erwin. Obviously.”
> 
> Upon hearing his words, Erwin’s smile grew so wide and so bright — while his gaze went soft and warm — that Levi thought his heart was going to burst out of his chest, a renewed wave of pure happiness cresting inside him, the intensity of it actually nearly taking his breath away.
> 
> “Thank you.” Erwin murmured quietly, his smile lessening but not disappearing as he almost bashfully glanced away to stare at Levi’s middle. “I’m glad. That...well, it makes me very happy, Levi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if there are more typos than usual and this doesn't make sense i took too much cough medicine before editing so i'm sorry

The sound of Erwin saying his name — his  _ real  _ name, and not what was basically some stupid, impersonal prefix — made Levi feel almost as good as he had when they’d first kissed. It sounded so nice coming off of his tongue, so soft and warm and  _ incredible  _ after he then realized the only time he’d heard Erwin actually say it had been in his dreams, that he just stared at Erwin for a moment longer before he leaned in to hug him again. He couldn’t help but do it, now that he knew it was alright for him to get closer like that and now that he knew Erwin returned whatever fondness he felt too, and wrapped his arms around Erwin’s middle, pressing his face to his chest like he’d done before in an effort to show him how pleased and elated he was feeling. 

He even squeezed him and then held on tight once Erwin returned the embrace, enraptured by how nice it was, how content it made him feel to just stand there like that. Erwin’s warmth was even more palpable this time now that Levi knew what he’d been thinking, and he just soaked it in, enjoying how his big arms felt wound around him and how calming it was to just listen to his breathing. It was then that he realized he didn’t want to move at all, and began to think that he could probably stay like that forever if he was able to. Unfortunately for him, though, he couldn’t, at least not that day, because the fact that he and Erwin had shared a kiss and finally made a bit more sense out of what they were doing did not mean that he didn’t have to leave. 

It didn’t cancel his interview, Levi thought, or change the fact that he had to go get ready for it, and although he wouldn’t have expected it to or anything like that, he hadn’t forgotten, and now that they’d opened up to each other he really,  _ really  _ didn’t want Erwin to go more than he ever had before. Biting his lip, though, because he couldn’t keep him and wasn’t going to, he eventually pulled away after a few more seconds, pausing on a whim and thinking about it for a moment before he slowly replaced his head from where it had been against Erwin’s chest with his hands. 

“You gotta go, right?” He asked, staring at where he was touching him for a moment before he  looked up into Erwin’s eyes. 

Immediately, Levi saw that he was still smiling down at him, his dimples standing out obviously and  _ cutely  _ enough to make him wonder how he could possibly be lucky enough to get a kiss from him — even when it faded slightly a second later when he heard Levi’s words.

“I do. But I wish I didn’t have to now.” He said a bit mournfully, while keeping his arms still around Levi all the same. 

“Well…” Levi replied, pausing while his mind immediately began to come up with ways to remedy that situation. “You can come back. Whenever you want, I mean. If you want to.”

He’d made the suggestion a bit hesitantly on instinct, as although he didn’t  _ really  _ think Erwin would say no, he’d realized this was all new territory for him and he didn’t want to put him off in any way. He didn’t want to intimidate him or make him nervous by being too eager or whatever, but naturally, his concerns were lifted almost as soon as he had fully realized them. 

“You mean, after my interview?” Erwin asked with a renewed smile, his eyes brightening in a way that made it obvious he was pleased by Levi’s suggestion. 

“Yeah. Or whenever you want to, you know. You don’t have to ask. It’s not like I’m going to be fucking doing anything.” Levi responded, rolling his eyes at himself and earning a chuckle from Erwin. 

“Alright. I’ll come back tomorrow. I was going to come work on your backyard in the afternoon anyway, but I’ll just come straight here when I’m done. Is that okay?”

“Yeah. I said it was. And why wouldn’t it be anyway, we just fucking...uh—

“Yes.” Erwin said, laughing again while Levi flushed at the memory of how they’d just kissed, finding himself unable to finish his sentence and actually say that out loud while the feel of Erwin’s mouth over his swept through him all over again.

It wasn’t that he was embarrassed, not at all, it was just  _ flustering _ , overwhelmingly mind-blowing, almost, that it had actually happened. He didn’t really think that speaking about it out loud would cancel it out somehow or make it untrue, but how was he supposed to describe something that made him speechless to begin with? He was sure there was a way, but it wasn’t one that he could come up with on a whim right then, especially with Erwin still standing so close to him and reminding him of what they’d done — and that the kiss wasn’t the only thing, either — all over again. The memory of what Erwin had said to him was just as surreal too, and although Levi had just struggled to explain their interactions out loud, he knew that there was one thing he did want to tell Erwin before he left.

“Uh.” He started with that thought, swallowing and diverting his gaze back to where his palms were still pressed against Erwin’s chest. While he looked, his hesitance did not go unnoticed, because it only took a second after he’d spoken before Erwin was reaching up to hold both of his hands again. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to make him feel warm and to give him a fresh hint of courage, giving him what he needed to continue speaking after he’d taken a deep breath. “I like you too, Erwin. Obviously.”

Upon hearing his words, Erwin’s smile grew so wide and so bright — while his gaze went soft and warm — that Levi thought his heart was going to burst out of his chest, a renewed wave of pure happiness cresting inside him, the intensity of it actually nearly taking his breath away.

“Thank you.” Erwin murmured quietly, his smile lessening but not disappearing as he almost bashfully glanced away to stare at Levi’s middle. “I’m glad. That...well, it makes me very happy, Levi.” 

“Shit.” Levi blurted in response, only swearing because of how fucking  _ charming  _ Erwin’s response had just been and how ridiculously  _ fond  _ he felt right then. It was so much that it was almost staggering, in fact, and his fingers even tightening into Erwin’s shirt as if he needed something to hold on to. That was surely from the intensity of it, of course, as if he’d been gratified and pleased that morning when he’d made Erwin happy by simply buying his clothes, the fact that Erwin now saying he was happy purely because Levi had feelings for him was nearly overwhelming. It made him flustered and he had to restrain himself from practically launching himself into Erwin’s arms again, swallowing and continuing when he noticed his swear had made Erwin raise a brow. “I’m...uh, that’s good. I’m...glad, I mean—

_ Fuck.  _ He thought, closing his mouth because of how he was fumbling. Taking a moment to breath — and reflect on what this could actually be leading to — he focused on Erwin’s smile for a moment, waiting until his heart had stopped racing before he continued.

“It makes me happy too, Erwin.” He said, his cheeks warming. “But I don’t know how to fucking do this, so—

“Neither do I.” Erwin chuckled, interrupting him with a reassuring glance. “It doesn’t matter.”

His eyes widening, Levi stared at Erwin for a few seconds before he closed his mouth again and then nodded, feeling strangely calm and not at all worried about the fact that...well, that he hadn’t been lying. He had no experience in dating or whatever, not really, and it had been nerve-wracking enough for him to just try and make friends with Erwin in the first place. He’d grown leaps and bounds since then when considering how little time had actually passed, sure, but this was something that would be different. Thankfully, though, he’d been too distracted and too happy to really worry about how he could now  _ fuck  _ this up, but the fact that Erwin had admitted to being inexperienced too made him feel reassured all the same. 

“So.” Erwin said then, a sympathetic look appearing on his face. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then? We can talk about this more, if you want.”

“Yeah, okay.” Levi uttered, biting his lip and watching Erwin's eyes catch sight of it. 

They lingered there for a moment and then he looked back up to catch Levi's gaze again, apparently not finding anything there to keep him from bending to kiss him again. It was just a light peck in comparison to what they'd ended up doing earlier, or at least, it was until Levi flushed warmly and leaned into it, his heart fluttering pleasantly a second later when he felt Erwin smile against his lips. He lingered and then opened his mouth, and just like that they shared a few more deep kisses, ones that Levi found hard to pull away from a minute later when Erwin finally stopped. 

It was unfortunate, Levi thought, but he knew he did have to go, and as much as he thought that he would be perfectly happy to keep kissing Erwin for the entire rest of the fucking day, he'd feel bad if he delayed him any longer. Reluctantly saying goodbye after that, Levi led Erwin to the front door and watched him drive away, walking back inside where he made a beeline for his kitchen to sit down. There, he was almost immediately lost in a daze where he remained still for quite some time, recalling what had happened between him and Erwin over and over again. It was a lot — especially when he considered the flirting at the store, and Erwin holding his hand all the time and agreeing to eat dinner with him, and even calling him charming recently even if it seemed like it he’d said it weeks ago because so much had happened —  and it all felt surreal because of how...well, because of how truly amazing it was. 

Although Levi had hoped and dreamed and  _ wanted  _ to believe that all of their recent interactions had been leading to this, it had been difficult for him to remain confident in that fact and to really count on it. Because of that, he’d known that short of Erwin telling him like he had that day he would have continued to foster doubts and to fear he was reading things wrong and damaging their friendship, and it was now nothing short of a relief to finally have an answer and an explanation and to know the truth behind how Erwin had been treating him.

Now, he thought, he wouldn’t  _ have  _ to overthink every little thing he did — at least, he hoped it wouldn’t be like that — and he wouldn’t have to worry that he was bothering Erwin as much anymore, or that he didn’t want his presence in the same way that Levi did Erwin’s or that he was overstepping by doing something that could be construed as romantic, like blatantly flirting with him. He’d always known before that things like that would be unwelcome if Erwin didn’t want return his feelings, but he did, Levi now knew, he  _ liked  _ him, he wanted  _ more  _ than friendship with him, and he’d been contemplating that for at least half as long as Levi had, right?

It seemed that way when he thought about when he’d started to notice the questionable changes in their relationship, but he wondered when exactly Erwin had realized it in the first place. It was amazing that he had at all considering Levi had been such a dick to him at first, and if Erwin had disliked him then, what had changed that? Furthermore, had there been something specific to make him realize he had romantic-type feelings for him, or had it just been gradual? 

Thinking about it all like that made him feel even more awed that it had happened in the first place, though, that anyone —  especially  _ Erwin  _ — could like someone like Levi. He couldn’t believe that this had actually turned out like he’d wanted and that he’d been lucky enough to find something this good after everything that he’d done, and that it had even happened that very day. He wouldn’t have guessed when he’d asked Erwin to dinner the afternoon before that he’d end up leaving his house, gaining a confession, and kissing Erwin within 24 hours, but all of that and more had occurred —  the tingling on his lips that wouldn’t go away and the continuous, joyful and ecstatic feeling in his heart was proof enough of that. 

Now what would happen, he wondered? Were they officially dating? How did that even work? Levi didn’t know, but even though he wanted to find out —  he was impatient like that, and he already couldn’t wait to see Erwin again —  there was no way whatever was going to happen would be bad, and he wasn’t worried about it. It was impossible for him to feel concern or anxiety about anything right then, in fact, which meant that this was the most cheerful and carefree that he could remember being in a long, long time. Knowing that it was because of Erwin and that it wasn’t going to end anytime soon just made him feel even happier, and he spent the rest of his day inside in what felt like some sort of high, eventually doing his chores like that and not even feeling bothered about how much he had to catch up on.

It took him until after his usual dinner time to finish all of it, which was fine because the big burger he’d eaten for lunch had kept him full all afternoon. Since he wasn’t starving or anything, he just made something easy and light, and then went up to his office to update his bank account on what he’d spent that day. Just like he’d thought, the amount wasn’t going to matter at all, and while he was at it up there he went ahead and gave Erwin a very generous raise, too. He’d been planning on doing it before all the revelations that had come forth that day, of course, but after experiencing how nice it had felt to treat Erwin with the clothing, he couldn’t help but bump the amount up a bit more than he’d originally intended. 

He would tell him about it tomorrow, Levi thought, and decided that he was then going to take a bath and go to bed. It was still early but he was exhausted after what had been a mentally taxing day —  even if it  _ had  _ ended on a good note —  and he wanted to relax for a bit before he passed out. He expected that soaking in warm, bubbly water for a while would make him fall asleep almost instantly once he climbed into bed, but naturally, that was not the case. Instead of peacefully drifting off with the sound of Erwin saying he liked Levi floating around in his mind, he ended up with that and the vivid memories of what his lips had felt like, tossing and turning only a few times before he decided there wasn’t even any point in trying to fight it. 

Squirming until his underwear was halfway down over his ass, Levi slipped a hand between his thighs and wrapped eager fingers around his already hard cock, the quickness with which it had become like that doing nothing to conceal how desperate he suddenly felt. Remembering the wet heat from Erwin’s mouth, the heavy, firm grip from his hands, and how his lips had slid so tantalizingly over his own all day had done that to him, as had how carefully and precisely and  _ eagerly  _ he’d captured them over and again, somehow causing Levi’s knees to feel weak and make his belly roil with desire all at the same time.

It had been a miracle that he’d even managed to remain on his two feet while it had been happening, in fact, because of how it had taken his breath away, but now it was even worse, as he could hardly find the control it took to pace himself when the sensations were not only fresh in his mind, but when he couldn’t help imagining what Erwin’s mouth and fingers might feel like in other places either. Not that it mattered whether or he came all over his hand in a matter of a single minute or not right then, but it was almost ridiculous how fast he went from lying still to a shaking, shuddering mess, gasping into his pillow and holding onto the bed sheets for dear life right before he practically melted with release. After imagining Erwin’s lips on his neck and chest and that it was his big, warm hand on his cock instead of Levi’s own, it hit him so hard that he swore he saw stars and cried out, only realizing after some of the pleasure had faded and he could think again that he had moaned Erwin’s name too.

Flushing fiercely at the thought, he laid still where he’d rolled over onto his side for a while, trying to catch his breath and thinking that it was a good thing his future looked far less frustrating in the physical interaction department, because he had it for Erwin, and  _ bad _ . It wasn’t like he hadn’t already known that, of course, but had he not found out how Erwin felt that day, had he not gotten to kiss him like that, Levi would have still been stuck thinking that he’d never get laid, that he was never going to have a real outlet for all of the pent up lust and longing that he’d started experiencing since he’d met Erwin.

Obviously it was all because of him, and perhaps the excitement and anticipation he felt when thinking about how their kissing would — if he was lucky, at least — eventually lead to more things, as he couldn’t help his mind from wandering there even if he’d tried. That didn’t mean he was necessarily ready to sleep with him the next day or that he even expected that to happen or anything, though, because it would probably be stupid to rush things. As much as he was dying to do everything and more with Erwin other than kiss, he knew it would be best to go slow and to take his time, as doing so would make it less likely that he would screw shit up. Besides, he thought, if thing went the way he hoped then they’d have plenty of time to get to that sort of thing in the future, right? 

Levi thought so despite the fact that he’d just jerked off in a near desperate rush, as no matter what, the contentedness and fondness he felt for Erwin could get him through any amount of sexual frustration. Again, while thinking about it he experienced a renewed swell of happiness, awe, and relief that Erwin actually returned his feelings, and after thinking about it for a few minutes, he reached for his phone on impulse to text him goodnight.

He had refrained from talking to Erwin all night because he knew he was working, of course, but he didn’t think sending that one word would really hurt, right? No, it couldn’t, he thought, because Erwin didn’t have to answer if he was too busy, and a one or two second distraction to read a text message wasn’t going to cause him to bomb the interview. Besides, even just assuming that Erwin  _ had  _ read it would be enough to satisfy him, but amazingly enough, after he’d left the bed to clean himself up and go get new sheets because he wasn’t really expecting an answer, he came back to a response. 

_Goodnight._ _:-)_ Was all it said; a simple, polite message that had Levi’s heart fluttering. It likely wasn’t anything different than what Erwin would have sent to a friend, true, but nonetheless, the smiley face he’d added on seemed to reflect the buoyant, excited feelings that had been bouncing around inside Levi’s chest all day. 

Like that — because he was sated both physically and emotionally by then — Levi finally fell into a deep, blissful, and uninterrupted sleep, only waking up 10 hours later, ridiculously enough, when his phone went off, his text message tone sounding out loud in the room as it also vibrated noisily on his bedside table. He had basically been unconscious all night because of the eventful day he’d had before, but something about hearing it had flipped his mind back on like a lightswitch, causing his eyes to all but jerk open suddenly as he woke up with a start. Reaching for his cell before he really had any idea what the fuck he was actually doing, it wasn’t until he’d squinted at the screen for a few seconds that he was able to think clearly, realizing that it was morning — 7:15 A.M, to be exact — and that he was looking at a message from Erwin, and that everything that had happened between them yesterday _ had actually happened _ . 

The memory was enough to wake him up fully in a matter of seconds, butterflies and a warm flush going through him instantly while he opened his eyes wide, rolling over with his phone so that he could really look at the message and respond. 

_ How do I look?  _ It said, followed by an attachment that Levi quickly realized was a picture of Erwin that he’d taken himself. 

He had his suit on, Levi saw, and was already dressed and prepared for his day, standing in front of a mirror with his arm raised and his phone in his hand. That was what he’d taken the picture with, of course, and although the flash was reflecting and covering up part of his face, Levi could see that he was smiling, and that his cheeks were red too. Was it because he was nervous about taking the picture, or for his interview? It was probably both — it would be for Levi, at least — but either way, the thought of Erwin feeling bashful made his heart almost ache with fondness. 

Biting his lip, he sank down into his pillows and held his phone over his face, taking in how scholarly Erwin looked like they had planned, and how  _ good _ the suit fit him in general. He’d known that yesterday, but with his hair combed neatly now and the belt added, everything appeared even better, and he couldn’t help but feel a little proud because of how much he’d put into assisting him in finding the outfit. Even so, though, he could only think of one thing that he wanted to say in response to Erwin’s question, finding that he couldn’t help himself no matter how much it made his stomach flip with nerves. 

_ like i want to kiss you again. _ He typed while swallowing, silencing the thoughts about whether or not that would be too much too soon before they could even bother him. Regardless of if it was  — and it couldn’t be, Levi thought, that was stupid — he found that he wanted Erwin to know anyway because it was true, and because the idea of flirting with him now after everything that had happened was too thrilling to ignore.

_ Oh.  _ Was Erwin’s response, received much to Levi’s delight and within seconds of the one he’d just sent.  _ I’m not sure I look appropriate then. _

_ you’d look that way even if you were wearing a garbage bag.  _

_ Funny. I could say the same about you ;-) _

Flushing at that, Levi squirmed under his blankets and rolled over, finding it hard to sit still in bed while his heart was racing in his chest. 

_ it looks good for the interview though. _ He said in an effort to actually answer Erwin’s question, ignoring the impatient wave of longing that made him wish Erwin  _ was _ there already so he  _ could  _ kiss him. 

_ Is the tie alright? _ Erwin asked, the subject making Levi snort. 

_ yeah. _ He said immediately, as that was actually one of the first things he'd noticed.  _ it’s perfect. looks like you figured it out fine.  _

_ Well, it wasn't rocket science like you said. And you did a good job explaining it. Thanks for showing me.  _

_ it wasn't a big deal. i wasn’t complaining.  _

_ Neither was I… _

_ so, uh…  _ Levi typed, suddenly wanting to make sure that everything that had occurred between them still stood and that Erwin  _ was _ coming back later, as all of their texting wasn't doing anything to quell his excitement for it.  _ i’ll see you later then, right? _

_ Yes. Is that still fine? _

_ yeah. it’s fine.  _

_ Alright. I'll see you later then, Levi. ;-) _

Upon seeing Erwin using his first name again, Levi bit back a smile, staring at the message and re-reading it several more times before finally responding. 

_ good luck at your interview.  _ He said, before rolling back over and curling up underneath his blankets, enjoying the lighthearted, thrilled glow he still felt from everything. It wasn’t any less intense than what he had felt the afternoon before, and as he relived everything for what was probably the hundredth time, he accidentally drifted off again, waking up an hour later, luckily enough, so that he had just enough time to take a shower and eat breakfast before Erwin got there. 

He hadn’t said what time, but Levi knew when his interview was scheduled, and realized as soon as he’d woken up that it was probably happening right then. Thinking once more that he really,  _ really  _ hoped Erwin would do well and get what he wanted, he got out of bed and got ready, barely able to contain his anticipation for when he would arrive again, and at the prospect of getting able to spend what was basically another entire day with him. Belatedly, he wondered if Erwin would want to stay for dinner, liking the idea, of course, but not sure whether it would be the best night because he wouldn't be able to prepare. The dishes he'd wanted to make required a lot of prep, and he probably should have already started getting his things together at about the time when he was finishing up breakfast. He hadn't, though, and Erwin could be on his way already for all he knew, and so Levi decided that  _ if _ he wanted to stay for dinner he'd just make something small, and save the full course meal for another time. 

With nothing much left to do but wait by then, Levi sat at his kitchen table with his tablet and a cup of tea, trying to quell the nervous energy that had built up inside him by shopping online for a few household items he needed. He didn't feel that way because he was dreading it or anxious, he thought, as there was certainly anticipation there too, but probably because he had no idea what was going to happen, and because he hoped that he wouldn’t make a fool of himself in any way since he wasn’t an expert at this. It wasn’t a worry that bothered him too much though, as all in all, he was still just too happy and excited to see Erwin again. He still could barely believe that he’d been right and that his hopes had turned out to be true either, and while thinking about it, he remembered that there was someone else who hadn’t been wrong either: Hange.

They had been the one to really help convince him — or at least, to start to suspect it — and their outside perspective as opposed to his skewed one was something he’d already been grateful for then. It had been embarrassing to admit a lot of that shit to them, of course, but it had been worth it, as he’d ended up with a bit more confidence after he’d spoken with them than he’d had before. It hadn’t been much at first, but it had been enough to get him to eventually decide to ask Erwin to dinner, something that had put them on the path to admitting their feelings and kissing in Levi’s living room. Deciding that he should thank them, or at least let them know because he was in a good enough mood to do so, he used his phone to send them a message.

_ you were right.  _ Was all he said, typing it out and hitting send just as he heard the sound of a car pulling up into his driveway. 

Obviously, it was Erwin — a quick peek out the window confirmed that — and with his mouth suddenly dry and his heart jumping into his throat, he shoved his phone back into his pocket and stood up, making a beeline for the nearest mirror so that he could check his reflection. He’d only put on a light blue t-shirt that day and some nice jeans, but he made sure it was all smoothed down and in place, as was his hair and whether or not he didn’t have any  _ fluids  _ on his skin. Yeah, it had been hours and hours since he’d jerked off the night before and he had showered, but he still remembered how he’d greeted Erwin that one time with fucking come on his neck, and certainly didn’t ever want to repeat that incident again in his life. He was probably just being paranoid, of course, but he didn’t care, as he’d rather be safe than sorry, and made sure he was completely clean before he went to answer his front door. 

Erwin had knocked right as Levi had left the mirror, and he swallowed thickly while his stomach flipped, walking over and holding his breath when he grabbed the door handle. Unlocking it and swinging it open, he was immediately faced with the sight of Erwin still dressed in his suit and tie, holding a duffel bag and wearing a big, warm smile on his face too that made whatever nerves Levi might have been feeling instantly disappear. 

“Hey.” He said after a second where he looked at Erwin with wide eyes, stepping aside and taking him in as he walked into his house. He appeared happy, Levi thought, and not bothered or anything like that, and he hoped his cheerful demeanor meant that his interview had gone well. “How’d it go?”

Shrugging in response, Erwin set his duffel bag aside and then focused his attention on Levi, stopping while he closed the door and walked over to him. “Alright, I suppose.”

“So you answered all of their questions right, or whatever?”

“I answered them.” Erwin said, chuckling a bit. “But I’m not sure if what I said was right.”

“What kind of shit did they ask you?”

“Things about my essay, and about what I wanted to do there and what my goals were. They asked me what I planned on majoring in, and what kind of career I wanted.”

“You told them English, right?” Levi asked, remembering that Erwin had once told him that was what he’d planned on studying. 

He expected him to nod his head and say yes, thinking to himself that Erwin had no doubt impressed them with his answers to those question because he already knew, he then raised an eyebrow when instead, Erwin shook his head. 

“No….well, I told them I was considering it. I’m actually not sure anymore.” He explained, his smile faltering a bit. “I want to go to school, but I can’t...I mean, ah, never mind. It doesn’t matter. I did the best I could and I didn’t stutter, so at least there’s that.”

While watching Erwin speak, Levi’s brows had drawn down, an expression of concern no doubt crossing his face because of what he said and how he’d hesitated to finish, changing the subject mid-explanation before giving Levi another smile. It was reassuring, he saw, but it didn't meet his eyes, and he wondered what it was that Erwin had been about to say. Obviously it was something that bothered him — at least in just a little — and Levi wanted to know what it was. He wanted to help him if he could or make him feel better, of course, but for whatever reason Erwin had chose not to say it. He thought about asking but then worried that Erwin didn’t want to tell him for some reason or he’d be prying, and so he closed his mouth from where he’d opened it to do so, biting his lip before he decided that it was probably best for him to just drop it as Erwin had done.

“That’s good.” Levi murmured instead of saying anything else, as his eyes idly ran over Erwin and he thought about how much he’d like to give him another hug. “I’m sure you still answered their questions right, or whatever. It’s pretty obvious you aren’t fucking stupid. Did they like your outfit?”

“They didn’t say.” Erwin said with a laugh, his eyes noticeably lighting up again in amusement at Levi’s question.

Levi was glad to see it — whatever seemed to be bothering Erwin, he thought, it must not have really been that big of a deal — and that he seemed to be eyeing his middle in the same way that Levi had been looking at him, his gaze lingering there for a moment before he glanced back up at him again.

“Well, if I were them I would have given you the fucking scholarship for just that.” Levi said, pausing for a moment while Erwin let out another laugh before he stepped forward, suddenly unable to wait for this for any longer, and reached out for one of his hands. 

Erwin caught it, of course, and entwined their fingers together, and there was only another second of hesitation before he closed the remaining distance between them, pulling Levi into his chest even as he leaned forward to press his face there himself. Nearly sighing once he was surrounded by his warmth and his scent again, Levi slipped his arms inside of Erwin’s suit jacket and around his middle, remembering how much he’d wanted to do this when he’d been wearing that outfit the day before, feeling a bit awed again at how much had happened in just the span of 24 hours. 

“Maybe you should apply for modeling school just in case.” He continued teasing, his words muffled from where he spoke into Erwin’s shirt. “Or, you know, keep it as a back-up plan or whatever. I’m pretty sure you’d get a fucking scholarship to one of those places easily.”

“I don’t know about that.” Erwin responded, a smile in his voice while Levi then stepped away.

“Yeah. You’re right. It wouldn’t be fair to the other people trying to get in.” He said, unable to help himself.

The words had tumbled out before he had even thought about it, and his cheeks went warm afterward almost as an afterthought, a brief flash of nerves going through him at how Erwin might receive his comment. His anxiety was so instinctual at this point, so built into him that his thoughts just popped up automatically, but thankfully, he didn’t  _ really  _ believe Erwin would be offended by his blatant flirting. Even so, though, it was still nice to see how he smiled and how his own face turned a little bit pink too in response, an almost shy expression crossing his features while Levi stared up at him in elation.

“You’re exaggerating, and besides, I wouldn’t stand a chance of getting in if you were in the room with me.” Erwin mumbled, averting his eyes briefly while he spoke before looking back at Levi again. 

The way he did so — plus the way he’d said it, quietly and with a tiny smile — made it obvious that he was a bit flustered, his actions subtle but nonetheless clear to Levi because of how often he felt that way himself. He was experiencing a little of that right then, in fact, because of Erwin’s ridiculous compliment, but more than that he was finding himself almost painfully endeared by how Erwin was continuing to seem reserved and unsure and  _ young  _ like he was supposed to when Levi said shit like that to him. He’d done it the previous day, too, he remembered, and then there was, of course, that time in Levi’s kitchen when he’d hastily apologized for grabbing his hand, and for some reason, while thinking about it like that and realizing that Erwin might have the same kind of self-doubt and uncertainty that he experience, Levi actually began to feel more confident. 

Was it because when Erwin acted his age, Levi suddenly became aware of his own, too? Did it make him feel older and more mature — not that Erwin was immature though, because that was certainly not the case — and like he  _ could  _ guide things? It definitely seemed like Erwin was almost looking for him too at times, or at least following his lead so that he didn’t overstep any boundaries, which was ridiculous in thought because of the fact that Levi was inexperienced in this type of emotional shit. He’d already admitted as much and it wasn’t like it mattered either way, but still, he couldn't help but feel bolder and even thrilled that he might actually have the power to make Erwin flustered. It was exciting, and encouraged by his thoughts, Levi bit back a smile and reached up to teasingly tug at the lapels on Erwin’s jacket. 

“Now you’re the one exaggerating.” He murmured. “Have you ever seen a model with my height? I’m too fucking short.”

“No. But I like your height.” Erwin responded, noticeably swallowing while he gazed down at Levi in front of him. 

He’d stepped close again so that he was practically pressed against Erwin’s front, and had tilted his head back to look him in the eye. Unsurprisingly at that point, it was enough for Erwin’s eyes to lower to his lips and back up again like he’d done the day before, the sight of him doing so causing Levi’s heart to then begin pounding excitedly in his chest. 

“I don’t.” He said, purposefully frowning and taking the time to glance at Erwin’s mouth too. “It kind of makes it hard to fucking kiss you.”

Upon hearing his words, Erwin’s eyes went wide for a second, his lips parting in surprise like he hadn’t expected him to say that before he paused to soak it in. Then, without another moment of hesitation and after Levi just stared at him expectantly with his eyebrows raised, he bent over and leaned forward quickly to capture his lips, kissing him in an insistent, eager way that when coupled with how he grabbed his waist all of a sudden, made Levi instantly close his eyes and melt into it. 

He almost smiled against Erwin’s mouth while he did so too, relishing in the warm, gleeful feeling that washed over him while they sank into another embrace, and at the thought of how good it felt to just be able to do so at all, to say what he had to Erwin just then without any worries that it was wrong or with anything holding him back. It was amazing to think about when just the morning before he'd been hesitant to do anything other than hold Erwin's hand, and as if to reflect his elation at having the freedom to do this like he wanted when he'd at times thought that he'd  _ never  _ be able to, Levi all but dragged Erwin closer, placing his palm against his neck and grabbing at his tie with his other hand to hold him still.

Like that, he closed his eyes and parted his lips and moved them over Erwin’s as intently as he could, as if he sought to  _ show _ Erwin how he felt about him, how much he wanted this, and how happy he was to now have it. Because of that, their embrace almost instantly went from slow and sweet like it had been the day before to something more thrilling, and it didn’t take long for Levi to lose himself, savoring the warm, wet heat of Erwin’s mouth and of how he tasted, and the way he’d seemed to melt into him when he’d started kissing him that deeply. Shifting to let go of Erwin’s tie so he could throw both arms around his neck, he felt himself follow Erwin up onto his tiptoes when he stood straight, keeping their lips pressed together for as long as he could until he couldn’t reach him anymore and he had to part.

“Um.” Erwin said, clearly flustered if his red face, lidded eyes, and open mouth said anything. “Wow.”

Feeling another swell of warmth and excitement go through him at Erwin’s exclamation, Levi felt even more emboldened than he had before, and found himself reaching up to grab at Erwin’s tie again, tugging on it once as he stepped backward. “Yeah. There’s more where that came from too, big guy.”

While Erwin's gaze immediately dropped down to his mouth at his words, Levi moved to keep pulling him along, holding him by the tie and leading him in the direction of his living room. There, he thought, they could sit down and kiss all they liked if Erwin wanted to, which, if the way he was looking at Levi said anything, he  _ definitely  _ wanted to. It was obvious in how he continued to glance between Levi’s eyes and his lips, his slack, distracted expression making it seem like he was hypnotized by him or something while he followed him into the other room. 

Eventually, though, he did swallow noticeably once they neared Levi’s couch, giving him that same subtle, unsure look that he’d seen moments before too as he reached up to grasp Levi’s arm. He wasn’t doing it to stop him or anything, but because of what he’d been thinking about a few minutes ago, he assumed Erwin was feeling nervous or overwhelmed or something, prompting him to freeze in place and cock a questioning eyebrow at him. It was his way of asking him if he was alright right then, basically, while again hoping that he wasn’t being too forward. That was the last thing he wanted to do, but thankfully, before Levi could  _ really  _ start worrying about anything like that, Erwin smiled when he noticed him looking, abruptly moving to step back and sit down on the couch while grabbing Levi’s hand and giving him a tug forward. 

Feeling reassured, a renewed thrill swept through Levi again and he hastily moved to follow Erwin, all but falling down onto the cushions beside him and turning to face in his direction immediately. His hand went to Erwin’s knee and Erwin twisted towards him too, and they both paused for a few seconds — both their gazes flickering between each other’s eyes and lips — while Levi’s heart pounded and butterflies fluttered in his stomach. Then, though, then they were both leaning closer and closer until suddenly Levi’s mouth was pressed up against Erwin’s and they were kissing again, any remaining hesitance from nerves disappearing in even less time than it had earlier and the day before in light of their excitement. 

Almost sighing into it, Levi grabbed at Erwin’s shoulders while he moved to hold him by the waist again, focusing only on how it felt to have Erwin touching him there and that close to him, moving his lips against his own and tasting him eagerly much like Levi had been doing to Erwin before. Like that, it wasn’t long before they both lost themselves to it and just kept kissing, the pace switching between slow and steady to quick and exciting several times over. No matter how they each moved though, Levi found it was enjoyable, so enjoyable, in fact, that they saw no reason to stop, and stayed like that for at least half an hour, holding onto each other and pressing their lips together over and over again, sometimes stopping for a few seconds’ break to look at each other briefly in wonderment before they abruptly kept going.

Because so much time had passed, Levi felt like he was a fucking teenager or something all over again, making out on his couch with another guy when no one was home. The innocence of it — or at least, the relative innocence to what other shit they could be doing — somehow made him feel happy, though, his heart soaring in his chest whenever they parted briefly and Erwin hastily moved to capture his lips again like he couldn’t stand for them to be apart, and he had to admit that he was having a lot of fun. In fact, he could probably do that shit all day, he thought, as he didn’t think he’d ever get tired of the way Erwin’s kiss felt, but eventually he did have to pull away for longer than a few seconds, when after he’d gotten done slipping his fingers through the hair at the back of Erwin’s neck for perhaps the 10th time, his phone suddenly went off. 

It was in his pocket and vibrated so forcefully that it startled him, as did the loud sound accompanying it which indicated he had a text message. A second later and he had another one too, and then another and another, as the chiming noise that notified him of it wouldn’t fucking stop going off. Who the hell was texting him like that? It had better not be Mikasa’s father, he thought, as that was always his first guess whenever someone was frantically trying to contact him in the middle of the day, but thankfully, after sitting back and digging his phone out of his pocket, he saw that it was only Hange.  

_ Oh yeah. _ He thought, remembering then that he’d messaged them earlier that morning about how they’d been right, a statement which certainly explained the ridiculous, excited stream of incoming texts he’d just gotten, as well as their content when he unlocked his phone and opened them up.

_ WHAT? RIGHT ABOUT WHAT? _ The first one said.  _ ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOUR GARDENER?!?! _

_ DID YOU ASK HIM OUT?  _

_ DID HE SAY YES? _

_ LEVI! _

_ ARE YOU THERE _

_ LEVI????  _

_ OMG!!!!!!! _

_ L E V I  _

“For fuck’s sake.” Levi muttered while scrolling through them, shaking his head but letting out an amused huff of breath at the same time. 

“Who is it?” Erwin asked from beside him, pointedly and politely making sure not to look at Levi’s phone. 

Instead, he wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him back against his chest, pausing a second before he bent to press his face against the top of Levi’s hair. He kissed him through it — almost nuzzling him — and it was so sweet and heartwarming that Levi had to struggle to remember what he was looking at to answer his question.

“Yeah. It’s just my friend Hange.” Levi answered, watching another string of messages coming through — this one including the text  _ ‘DID YOU SCREW HIM?’, _ which made Levi abruptly flush, hurriedly turning off the screen on his phone, and toss it aside before Erwin decided to move away from him or something and accidentally get a peek. 

It probably wouldn’t matter, but the idea of him seeing that made Levi feel incredibly flustered, as they hadn’t even talked about anything like that yet and he feared it would make Erwin uncomfortable. Besides, he didn’t want Erwin to think that he’d been gossiping about fucking him with someone else either, as Levi had always  _ hated  _ when other people discussed his business without him.

“Is everything alright?” Erwin then asked, either sensing something in how Levi had practically thrown his phone away like it had been on fire, or wondering if something bad had happened because of the amount of messages he’d just gotten.

“Yeah.” Levi answered, trying to act normal while he responded and while he took in Erwin’s appearance. He was all pink face and red, red lips right then, the both of them already swollen in the tiniest bit from how long they’d spent kissing. They looked so luscious like that, he thought, that it was difficult for him to not become so hypnotized by the sight that he couldn’t properly answer Erwin’s question and explain. “They just...get fucking excited easily. I texted them this morning and they’re just now answering me.”

“Oh. Do they live around here?” Erwin continued, as Levi swallowed and leaned back into him, nestling himself underneath the crook of Erwin’s arm easily. 

Placing a hand on his chest, he shook his head in response to Erwin’s question, scoffing, too, because of how far away Hange actually lived from there. “No. They live on the other side of the fucking world. I talk to them online sometimes.”

“Oh, alright.” Erwin said, giving him a warm smile. “That’s nice. How did you meet them?”

“On a message board for cleaning, under the topic ‘how to get bloodstains out of grout.”

“Bloodstains?” Erwin asked, raising an eyebrow at Levi’s words.

“Yeah. I cut myself while I was cooking one time. See?” 

Lifting his hand after he spoke, Levi held his palm out to show Erwin where a 2 inch long, white, jagged scar ran across the meat of it from where he had indeed sliced himself while cutting up vegetables several years ago. 

“I bled all over the floor in the kitchen, and then in the bathroom when I stitched it up. That was where I couldn’t get the stains out.”

“Stitched it up?” Erwin said, his brows now lowering to give him an incredulous look of concern. “You mean, you did it yourself?”

“Uh...yeah.” Levi answered, biting his lip. 

“Why?”

“Why do you think?” Levi muttered, glancing away and down at his lap, scowling because he now suddenly felt a bit self-conscious about his weird behavior again. 

That in turn, made him feel defensive on instinct. Was Erwin going to think he was crazy because of this, or something? He hadn’t yesterday, but was this somehow different? He hadn’t gone to the hospital because the thought had terrified him so much that he’d nearly passed out in his kitchen — that had probably been because of the amount of blood he lost too, though — but there had been no denying that his hand had needed stitches. The cut had been deep, slicing his skin open wide so that he’d been bleeding profusely, and because of that, after he’d managed to stop it somewhat and calm down, he decided to take matters into his own hands and just do it himself. 

He’d already had the supplies because he kept things like that around for emergencies, and with a bottle of wine and a video tutorial from YouTube on hand, he managed to disinfect the cut and stitch it up in his bathtub, somehow getting enough blood on the floor before he was done to make a huge mess and stain his grout. Yeah, it was probably ridiculous and been made worse because he’d done that instead of just going to the hospital — he hadn’t had anesthetic, and it had fucking hurt — but to him, that idea had seemed a lot more feasible and less anxiety inducing, as even now, the thought of being inside of a busy emergency room made his heart race sickeningly. 

It was fucked up that he was like that, but he couldn’t help it, and he hoped Erwin would understand just like he had the day before when he’d almost lost his shit at the store. Thankfully, he seemed to before Levi could really get upset about it, because he grabbed his hand again suddenly when he frowned, interlocking their fingers and rubbing his thumb over the scar.

“It’s alright.” He said quietly, prompting Levi to hesitantly look up at him again. “Don’t worry. It’s just not everyday you hear about someone stitching up their own wound, so I was surprised.”

“Yeah. It stung like a bitch, but it wasn’t that hard, I guess. It probably scarred worse because it was messy, but whatever.”

Shrugging while he spoke, Levi watched as Erwin lifted his palm up again to look at it, rubbing his thumb over it one more time before he glanced at Levi, hesitated for another second, and then kissed his scar, causing Levi’s cheeks to warm and a buoyant feeling to bubble up inside his chest.  

“If that ever happens again, would you call me?” Erwin asked, his words for some reason making Levi’s heart flutter. 

“Uh.” He said, though, thinking about it for a moment.  _ Would  _ he call Erwin if he had an accident? He didn’t know because he hadn’t thought about anything like that since they’d become friends, and he supposed it would depend on how severe it was. If it was bad enough and he didn’t know what to do he probably would, he thought, if he was desperate, but if it was something that he could manage himself, what would be the sense in bothering Erwin with it? “If I’m dying, yeah, I guess.”

Erwin chuckled in response to that, but then drew his brows down. “I don’t mean if you’re just dying. I mean anytime, like if you cut yourself again and need stitches, or even if you have the flu and can’t get out of bed.”

“It doesn’t matter if I can handle it myself, I—

“Levi, no.” Erwin said, his voice becoming serious as he cut him off. He looked at him sternly too which made Levi pause and raise his eyebrows, realizing that whatever point Erwin was trying to make here by suggesting this, it was apparently important to him. With that in mind he watched him and closed his mouth, sitting still and making it clear that he was going to listen. Under his gaze Erwin seemed to wilt just a little, though, untensing and softening the expression on his face until it became one of uncertainty. His eyes flicked up to look at the ceiling and he hesitated for a moment, only speaking after another second where Levi found it in himself to squeeze his hand reassuringly. “Levi, I’m...I mean, I just want you to know that you don’t have to be alone anymore. At least not when things like that happen, but all the time too. You don’t have to be, and...ah, I...I just really like you, like I said. I wouldn’t mind helping you if something’s wrong. Or if you need anything, really. It doesn't matter what it is.”

“Okay, Erwin.” Levi said then, biting his lip and feeling his chest swell with happiness upon hearing his words. They were sweet, he thought, even if Levi  _ could  _ take care of himself, and even  _ if  _ Erwin was years younger and they should probably be on opposite sides of this conversation. It was thoughtful and kind and awe-inspiring too because it really, truly showed that Erwin cared about him, he thought, and he understood exactly what Erwin was trying to say even if he had fumbled a bit from what must have been nerves. Thinking that he, too, would want to help Erwin if something came up any way that he could, he nodded and leaned in to wrap arms around his neck, grateful and wonderstruck that he had someone who considered him to even be worth that. “I’ll call you whenever I need you. But I haven’t cut myself since then, so don’t expect that shit to happen anytime soon.”

“I won’t.” Erwin said, the amused smile evident in his voice as he held Levi back and rested his chin on his shoulder. “I just wanted you to know, since we’re....ah, you know...now—

“Yeah.” Levi interrupted, pulling back some to look Erwin in the eye.

He bit back a smile at his words — he sounded flustered again, he thought, and it was impossibly cute — and gave him a quick kiss, sliding his hand up the back of Erwin’s neck again to play with his hair. Even if it had only been a day, they’d made out long enough by then for Levi to notice that Erwin seemed to like that, and as if to prove it, he almost unconsciously leaned his head in the direction of Levi’s hand, relaxing a bit in his arms and giving him another smile. 

“Now that we’re doing  _ this _ .” Levi continued, pressing their lips together again as if to show what he was implying, wanting to let Erwin know in some way too that he wasn’t bothered by his concern. 

Rather than that, of course, it was the opposite, as he was flattered and happy and overwhelmed with fondness, and for some reason, right then while he digested it, everything suddenly felt real. It wasn’t like he hadn’t thought it was before or anything, it had just felt  _ sur _ real, like he'd been walking around in a dream or something because everything had seemed too incredible. Rather than waking up to find out that the dream hadn't actually happened like he normally would have, though, he'd woken up and it  _ had _ happened, and Erwin was saying things and offering to be there for him because that was what people did when they were…when they were doing whatever it was they were doing. They hadn't given a name to it yet but that didn't matter to him right then, because it was obvious it was something good, something that meant Erwin really  _ did  _ like him and that he wanted to be in his life. 

It was touching, he thought, as just like everything else that seemed to be happening lately, it had been a long time before anyone had cared  _ that _ much about him or his wellbeing to the point that they had wanted to make it so clear that they'd be there if he needed it. Like so many other things, the last person like that had been his mother — maybe his uncle too depending on the day — and it wasn't just that Erwin wanted to help him in an emergency either, he'd said that he didn't want him to be  _ alone _ . For someone who  _ had  _ been alone all the time and who had recently come face to face with his own loneliness, it made him feel like he might have actually conquered it, or just gave him more hope than he'd already had that very soon, he wasn’t going to  _ have  _ to be lonely anymore.

“Erwin.” He said, biting his lip before he kissed him again — another gentle peck that he couldn't help but linger into for a minute, hoping to show Erwin just what exactly his words had meant to him.  “Thanks”

“You don't have to thank me.” Erwin said though, smiling at him when Levi pulled away slightly, letting his face remain close so that he could look into Erwin's eyes. 

“Yeah. I do.” Levi replied, flushing a bit. 

It wasn’t that he minded or that it was a bad thing, he just wasn’t used to being exposed like this or like he had been the day before. It seemed that it might take some time to get used to, he supposed, before he wouldn’t have to fight the urge to hide his feelings anymore.

“Okay.” Erwin said, a sudden playful smile appearing on his face. “How?”

Snorting, Levi raised an eyebrow and wondered what Erwin was angling for, his eyes flicking to and from his mouth once or twice because, of course, that was certainly one way he could thank him.

“I dunno.” He teased though, licking his lips and watching Erwin’s gaze catch the motion. “I could kiss you some more.”

“You aren’t tired of it yet?”

“Fuck no.” Levi said, placing a hand on Erwin’s chest and rubbing his skin through his shirt, unable to help himself when their flirting gave him such a thrill. “Do you have any idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that shit?”

“No. Is it as long as I’ve wanted to?”

“I dunno. How long have you wanted to?”

“Oh, just a while. So long that I was starting to get frustrated, in fact.”

“That doesn’t really my question.” Levi said, snorting and shaking his head with mock derision. “But whatever. I could do that. Or, I could make you lunch.”

Erwin’s eyes had already been noticeably bright for the past few seconds from the prospect of more kisses, but they got even brighter, amusingly enough, when Levi mentioned food.

“Lunch?”  

“Yeah. It’s almost 11.”

“Hmm, that’s tempting. I  _ am  _ starving, but I can’t kiss you if you’re cooking.” 

“What a dilemma.” Levi muttered, leaning in closer, waiting until Erwin had tried to sneak a glimpse at his lips again before he relented and pressed them to Erwin’s.

This time, unlike when they’d started this before, Levi did smile into it, feeling warmth continuing to flood through him while his heart raced. He was so overjoyed right then, so incredibly happy and pleased at what was happening — and at every little thing Erwin did, every single interaction they had like he’d already fallen head over heels or something — that he didn’t want to pull away, and despite his promise of lunch, he didn’t end up getting started on it for another twenty minutes or so because they weren’t able to extricate themselves from around each other. 

Once he did get up, though, after another burst of text messages from Hange had come through and distracted him, he asked Erwin what he wanted and together they decided he would make fajitas. Wondering if Erwin would also want to stay for dinner, too, like he’d thought about before, he paused while Erwin stood up, trying to decide if he should ask or not. He certainly wouldn’t mind him staying, of course, not at all, but he would have been at his house for a long time by then. Was that too much? Would Erwin want to go home and get some space? He wasn’t sure and didn’t want to overdo it or anything like that, so he decided not to say anything, thinking that if he left at dinnertime he still would have spent the entire day with him. That was enough — not that he didn’t want more, though — and hopefully he would see him the next day too, and so with that thought he turned to head into his kitchen, stopping a moment later when Erwin suddenly spoke up.

“Wait.” He said, as Levi turned with an inquisitive look. “Why was your friend on the message board?”

“Huh?” Levi responded, his expression turning into confusion at the seemingly sudden and odd question.

“Your friend, Hange. Why did they need to know how to get bloodstains out of grout?”

“Oh.” Levi said, remembering his story from earlier about how he’d met them and snorting too, as he  _ supposed  _ that was a good question to ask considering that the forum he’d been on could just as easily be visited by a serial killer as some dumbass who had just cut his hand. “They’re a scientist. They do research and experiments in their house.”

“Alright. So they’re not a normal murderer then, they’re a murder-scientist.”

“They’re not a murder, they just blew up a lab rat or something.”

“They  _ blew it up? _ ” Erwin asked, laughing a bit as he spoke. “Are you sure they didn’t blow up a human and lied to you about it?”

“No. We skype sometimes, and I’ve seen their house. And their lab. And I didn’t see any dead bodies. Only blown up lab rats.”

“I’m not sure if that’s any better.” Erwin continued, his smile growing wide when Levi scoffed.

He was teasing him about this, he knew, and apparently quite amused by it, and he couldn’t resist reaching out to swat him on the arm playfully and with mock irritation.

“Fucker.” He said when Erwin caught his hand, his smile now turning into a grin as he laced their fingers together. “Come on. Do you want lunch or not?”


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ah...you do still want to reschedule the date, right?” Erwin said, as apparently Levi’s stuttering, strange response because he’d been confused had done something to make him feel unsure.
> 
> “Yeah.” He answered immediately, hoping to reassure him because he certainly did not want Erwin to think that Levi no longer wished to have dinner with him. “I want to. When can you eat?”
> 
> “What about next Friday night? Is that alright?” Erwin asked, a proposition that Levi did not see anything wrong with — it wasn’t like he had any fucking plans, obviously — other than the fact that it was just over a week away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO, sorry for the delay in getting this chapter up, i struggled with it immensely and rewrote it about 100 times so i hope its alright ;__; things should be a lot more fun from here on out :)

“Do you need any help?” Erwin asked Levi about ten minutes later, after they'd managed to make it into the kitchen so that he could start cooking lunch.

As they’d discussed, he was planning on making steak fajitas with lots of bell peppers and onions and garlic, something that would be flavorful but wouldn't take too long or be too difficult. He'd gotten out all of his cookware and tools and was laying out the ingredients he needed on his island, getting ready to slice the steak and chop up the vegetables while Erwin sat across from him. He’d made himself comfortable on one of Levi’s stools with a glass of water, of course, so that they could chat, and had offered to help once Levi had grabbed his large, sharp chef’s knife to start cutting things up. 

“Nah.” He said in response to Erwin's question, glancing over at him while he positioned his blade. “I got it.”

“Are you sure? I don't want you to cut yourself again.” Erwin replied, giving him a teasing smile and referencing the accident he’d had before that he’d just told him about.

Snorting at his comment, Levi made a face at him, taking his knife and slicing a few pieces of the steak into strips before he responded. 

“Why? You worried or something?” He asked quietly, raising an eyebrow. 

“No. I'm just not sure watching you perform surgery on yourself is a good way to end lunch.” 

“That won't happen.” He assured him, his eyes flicking up towards Erwin and back down again before he continued. “As long as you don’t distract me, or anything.” 

“I’ll do my best.” Was Erwin’s response, the small, playful smile remaining on his face while he spoke. 

“Good. I don’t wanna perform surgery on myself again either.”

“Are you sure you don’t need any help, then? You’re already going to make me dinner, and—

“I don’t mind.” Levi blurted, interrupting Erwin before he could even finish his sentence. 

It was because it was true; he  _ didn’t  _ mind, as he not only enjoyed cooking in general, but he also  _ wanted  _ to cook for  _ Erwin _ , something that wasn’t new and that he’d imagined himself doing for a long time, ever since he’d learned Erwin was shit at feeding himself. Yeah, he had promised to make him dinner already in addition to the fajitas he was making, but that didn’t matter. He wasn’t going to keep a tally, for fuck’s sake, but he wasn’t surprised that Erwin was almost adamantly offering to help, either, even if Levi had no idea what he could even do besides slice cheese because of his self-claimed incompetence in the kitchen. However, Levi thought, biting his lip, maybe there  _ were  _ a few things he could assist him if he really wanted to, as cooking together might be fun — it made his heart flutter, for some reason, to think about sharing his enjoyment of working in the kitchen with Erwin — and maybe, just maybe, he would learn something so that he didn’t have to live off of instant noodles and frozen burritos.

“It'll be good for you to eat some fucking real food.” Levi continued with that in mind, pausing a moment before glancing over in the direction of his kitchen’s front windows. “But if you really want to help, you can go get me some cilantro.”

“From the plant?” Erwin asked, his eyes going bright as he followed Levi’s gaze. 

He was talking about the cilantro they’d potted together, of course, which Levi had still been dutifully taking care of along with the other herbs every morning. It seemed to be doing alright, he thought, just from the fact that it was still alive, but he hadn’t used any of it yet, and it had occurred to him that this  _ would  _ be a good opportunity for him to do so. The only thing was he didn’t know how to properly remove the actual leaves from the plant — did you just pick it off, like normal? — and didn’t want to do anything to fuck it up, and so it  _ was  _ probably best that Erwin do it regardless of whether he’d even offered Levi his help or not. 

“Yeah.” He said in response, nodding while he finished slicing his steak and while Erwin stood up to do what he’d asked. 

“These are looking good.” He told Levi while he did so, inspecting not only the cilantro, but the other herbs they had planted as well. “I told you that you wouldn’t kill them.”

“Just because they’re not dead yet doesn’t mean they won’t end up that way.” Levi replied, because it was true; he wouldn’t be surprised if he woke up the next day and the plants were all dried up and dead, despite having seemed well and healthy the afternoon before. 

Chuckling at his comment, however, Erwin shook his head, bending over so that he could start picking leaves off of the cilantro plant. “They’ll be fine. You made them happy. I think they’ve even grown some.”

“Whatever.” Levi mumbled, snorting like usual at Erwin’s ridiculous comments about plants being happy. He may not ever understand them, he thought, but he couldn’t help finding them cute, either, and found his cheeks warming at the praise nonetheless. “Just get a handful.”

“Alright.” Erwin agreed, taking a few moments to finish plucking Levi’s cilantro before he brought it over to him. 

By then, he’d started adding his strips of sliced steak into a nearby bowl, sprinkling small amounts of various spices inside and squirting two halves of one lime over all of it for flavor. He washed the cilantro off when Erwin handed it to him and chopped some of that up to add to the bowl as well, reaching inside to mix it all up to make sure everything was coated evenly before he went to wash his hands. After that, it was just a matter of cutting up the vegetables, which he readily had Erwin help him with after he’d gotten started and Erwin had looked at him expectantly. 

He gave him a cutting board, a knife — a smaller knife than the one he was using, though — and an onion, and took the time to show him how to use it, mostly because doing so allowed him to touch Erwin’s hands and fingers to make sure he had the proper grip. Erwin was perfectly happy to help, of course, and although Levi didn’t think slicing an onion was any harder than knotting a tie, he had cut up a second one, some garlic, and two bell peppers before Erwin had even finished with his first vegetable. It was because he had fancy knife skills that he’d taught himself while Erwin did not, of course, but because he was going slow, too, almost excruciatingly so like he was being  _ extra  _ careful and trying to make sure he got it right, taking the time to glance at Levi’s onion pieces too as if he was trying to match them and keep his slices precise.

His earnestness made it hard for Levi to keep the smile off his face while he was watching him, finding it endearing that he was trying so hard because it was  _ just  _ an onion. Levi did like for things to look nice and professional when he made his own fancy dinners, of course, but that was just because it was practice for him, and he didn’t give a shit if every vegetable slice was uniform when he was making them fajitas. Still, though, he supposed he understood because he had done the same thing when Erwin had helped him plant his herbs — being very careful, focusing on his every move, and ensuring that he followed Erwin’s instructions precisely — but he still couldn’t help tease him about it, just a little.

“Are you trying to impress me with that onion?” Levi remarked, watching as Erwin smiled in response and a subtle, pink flush appeared on his cheeks.

“No.” He said, reaching up to wipe his eyes with the back of his wrist, as they had apparently started watering and stinging a bit from the onion fumes. “Well, maybe a little.  _ Are _ you impressed?”

Feeling his own face warm, Levi bit his lip, looking down for a moment while the swell of butterflies passed through him at Erwin’s response. He hadn’t expected him to actually answer like that as he’d only been teasing, but the fact that he had said it — and that he even cared about impressing Levi with anything in the first place — made him happy. It was incredible, in fact, and he couldn’t help but feel more of that awe and excitement that he’d been experiencing since the day before, all of it from how Erwin was in there with him, helping him cook a lunch for the two of them after they’d spent most of the morning making out. He supposed it would be like that until he got used to it, but it wasn’t like he cared because it was a good feeling, and he didn’t think that he’d ever get tired of realizing how fucking lucky he was.

“Yeah.” He said with that thought, answering Erwin’s question and snorting too. “Here. Cut up this bell pepper too, and then I’ll be even more impressed.”

“A bell pepper?” Erwin asked, reaching out to take the vegetable Levi had picked up to hand to him. 

He looked at it oddly, like he’d never actually fucking seen one before or something, which had Levi raising an eyebrow in confusion.

“Yeah. Don’t tell me you don’t know what they are. I know you don’t cook, but you don’t live under a rock, do you?”

“No.” Erwin responded, chuckling at Levi’s teasing. “Isn’t there just some special way you’re supposed to cut these up?”

“Yeah. Watch me.” Levi said, grabbing his knife and another bell pepper, making sure that Erwin actually was watching him before he showed him how to properly slice the vegetable up.

He demonstrated it step by step, starting with how to remove the stem and then going from there, wiping his hands on a nearby towel when he was done while Erwin went to give it a try himself. Because it wasn’t that hard, Erwin completed the task flawlessly just like Levi had suspected he would, of course, taking his time like he had with the onion and wearing an adorable, concentrated expression on his face the entire time. It made Levi want to walk over and kiss him again if he was being honest, but he resisted, as they were now done prepping for the meal and he needed to start heating up a pan on his stove.

“Good.” He just told Erwin instead, taking what he’d sliced and adding it to the mix of other cut up vegetables. “Looks like you won’t starve if you run out of frozen food.”

“Yes. I’ll be able to eat raw onions and bell peppers instead.” Erwin replied with a smile, causing Levi to scoff and shake his head in amusement.

After that, Levi got to work actually cooking the food while Erwin took it upon himself to put the dishes they’d used so far into the sink. Then, he made his way over to the fridge after asking Levi what else he could do to help, and pulled out shredded cheese and variety of other toppings at his instruction. He got them both drinks next and even set the table after finding out where Levi kept his plates and silverware, and by that time, Levi was nearly halfway done. Fajitas didn’t take that long to cook, thankfully, and Erwin leaned against the island behind him while he finished up, chatting with him again until everything was ready to be moved to the table. There, they ate side by side in Levi’s kitchen once the food had cooled off, with Erwin’s foot pressed up against Levi’s underneath it as their knees occasionally knocked together. 

“This is delicious.” Erwin told him too, almost as soon as he’d had his first bite. 

He smiled warmly at Levi while he chewed, who flushed at the compliment and mumbled a ‘thanks,’ not really surprised that Erwin was pleased, but enjoying that he was pleased nonetheless. It was nice to see him finally eating his cooking — his  _ real  _ cooking, too, and not just a grilled cheese sandwich — and he couldn't help but continue to sneak peeks at him as they ate, his heart soaring when Erwin reached for seconds after practically inhaling his first fajita. He devoured that one too, Levi saw, and then did the same with another one just as quickly after that, only slowing down halfway through his fourth but somehow still managing to eat the last few leftover pieces of steak that wouldn’t fit on a tortilla before he finally wiped his mouth and declared himself finished. 

“For fuck’s sake.” Levi said when Erwin told him he was full, just as amused by Erwin’s appetite as he had been the other times he’d seen it in action. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were starving or some shit.”

“I  _ was  _ starving.” Erwin said while laughing, giving Levi a wide smile from where he sat next to him at the table. “Just not to death. And it was very good. If everything you make tastes like that, I could probably eat your cooking for every single meal, every day.”

“You’re exaggerating.” Levi replied with a scoff, biting his lip and feeling a swell of gratification all the same. 

“I’m not, and now I’m looking forward to dinner even more than I already was.”

“Uh.” Levi uttered, drawing his brows down in momentary confusion until he realized that Erwin was referring to their dinner date, not dinner that night. 

It was only because he’d considered asking Erwin to stay after work for more food that day that he got mixed up, and had he not felt a jolt of excitement go through him at the thought of their date, he might have been disappointed after hoping for a single second that Erwin had planned on staying to eat with him that night. Thankfully, he didn’t because he had something else to look forward to, but still, he couldn’t help but squirm in his seat a bit, wondering just  _ when  _ exactly it was going to occur. 

They had yet to reschedule it after Erwin hadn’t been able to eat with him on the day that Levi had asked because of his interview, of course, but because of what had happened and how much he’d just enjoyed cooking Erwin lunch, he was starting to feel a bit impatient for it to actually take place again — or at least for them to just pick a day and set a time. Luckily for him, though, it seemed that Erwin was thinking the same thing, because no sooner had Levi started to think that he should just bring it up then Erwin opened his mouth himself, asking Levi a question which made him sit up straight and shake his head quickly. 

“Ah...you  _ do  _ still want to reschedule it, right?” He said, as apparently Levi’s stuttering, strange response because he’d been confused had done something to make him feel unsure.

“Yeah.” He answered immediately, hoping to reassure him because he  _ certainly  _ did not want Erwin to think that Levi no longer wished to have dinner with him. “I want to. When can you eat?”

“What about next Friday night? Is that alright?” Erwin asked, a proposition that Levi did not see anything wrong with — it wasn’t like he had any fucking plans, obviously — other than the fact that it was just over a week away.

Why push it back so far, though? Was Erwin going to be busy again? He hadn’t said that, but whatever. If that was when he wanted to do it Levi would, as even though he knew he would impatiently anticipate their dinner all week, it wasn’t like he wouldn’t get to see Erwin again until then anyway. He’d be at his house working some of the time, of course, and...well, the thought of asking if they could schedule it sooner made Levi feel anxious. 

He didn’t want to sound too eager if that would make Erwin nervous, and he didn’t want to push him away by being overbearing. The thought of doing so had been in the back of his mind all day, in fact, mostly ignored because it was like he’d still been riding the high from the day before. Now, however, he suddenly wondered if he  _ had  _ overstepped and gone too fast by practically throwing himself at Erwin that morning, and caused him to want to pull back and schedule their date later rather than sooner because he already needed space.

It would just be Levi’s luck for something like that to happen, he thought, to gain just a bit of confidence from things working out in his favor but overdoing it so much that he ended up screwing himself over eventually anyway. He’d probably been stupid to assume that Erwin liked  _ him  _ as much as  _ he  _ liked Erwin too, as he hadn’t said that — or even what he wanted out of this, really — and Levi had gotten way to ahead of himself in thinking that things were just going to immediately progress from them being friends to them acting like a couple with real dates and shit like that. It certainly hadn’t been his intention to rush things, though, but he’d just been happy and excited to find out that Erwin even liked him at all in a romantic way, and so impatient to experience couple-like things with him after dreaming about it for so long that he’d pushed it too far. 

_ Dammit.  _ He thought to himself, while a small but familiar pit began to develop in his belly. Couldn’t he do anything right, ever? Apparently fucking not, but at least Erwin wasn’t saying he didn’t want to eat dinner with him at all. He hadn’t cancelled or told Levi that he’d changed his mind about doing it, and he hadn’t shied away from Levi when he’d kissed him and stuff either. Because of the realization that he at least hadn’t fucked up completely, Levi was able to keep relatively calm, to control his anxiousness so that he could tell himself to just make sure he didn’t keep on like that in the future. If Erwin wanted to go slow, he thought, he would go slow, and eating over a week from now was better than not eating at all, right?

"Yeah.” Levi answered with that in mind, nodding and hoping that he’d kept any stricken expressions off his face. “That’s fine.”

If Erwin noticed and Levi told him what he’d been thinking about he’d probably just make everything worse, he thought, but thankfully, all he did was give Levi a wide smile that indicated he was still oblivious.

“Great.” He said, his dimples appearing in his cheeks as he gave Levi a soft look — one that made him want to kiss him again, but that he just nodded in response to instead and stood up to reach for their plates.

Frowning — although not on purpose — he grabbed them with the intention of cleaning up the mess he’d made while cooking lunch at the sink, deciding to step away from Erwin instead of sitting next to him at the table for a while longer like he wanted to. He didn’t know if Erwin wanted that, of course, and the hours he’d already spent being close to him that day would just have to do. With that in mind, he tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his heart and turned to walk away, only finding himself unable to take even one step before Erwin had reached out to stop him.

“Wait.” He said suddenly, placing a hand on Levi’s back like he was trying to grab his t-shirt. Levi felt the slightest hint of his fingers digging in before he’d let go, though, pulling away quickly and fixing Levi with a searching look before he spoke. “Is something wrong? Did I say something I shouldn’t have?”

“No.” Levi answered, biting his lip and cursing to himself because Erwin  _ had  _ noticed the shift in his demeanor after all. 

The thought of explaining made him feel even more anxious than before, and so he shook his head vehemently, trying to relax his expression because he didn’t want to talk about it and he certainly didn’t want Erwin to think it was his fault, either. 

“Are you sure?” He asked next, his brows now drawn down worriedly. 

“Yeah. I’m fine.” Levi answered, now thoroughly fretting that he’d already made things even worse somehow.

“Alright.” Erwin started then though, seemingly accepting his response but then hesitating for a second where he glanced to the side and then opened his mouth. Closing it shortly after, he looked back up at Levi and then swallowed, waiting just another moment before he finally continued. “Actually, can I ask you something? Is that alright?”

Blinking, Levi felt his stomach flip nervously at Erwin’s question, tensing up and suddenly feeling sure that he was right about everything he’d been worrying about in the past few minutes. “About...about what?”

“Ah...about this.” Erwin answered, obviously feeling some kind of uncertainty too because of the way he was acting. “About us.”

“Okay.” Levi answered after another short pause where his mind threatened to start racing, taking a deep breath instead and doing his best to ignore the swell of dread that was starting to build inside him. Nodding and biting his lip, he sat back down beside Erwin and let go of their plates, placing his hand on the table next to Erwin’s and debating on whether to grab it or not. He wanted to because of all the times he'd done so the day before to settle his nerves, but now he was self-conscious so he refrained, staring at where their fingers were resting near each other’s instead but not touching for a second before he glanced back up at Erwin. Immediately, it was obvious that Erwin had been looking at the same thing too, as his own gaze flicked back up to Levi’s a moment later, obvious in the way that it had been focused on something else while Levi hadn’t been looking. “What is it, Erwin?”

Swallowing again, Erwin’s bashful expression lingered a bit longer before he seemed to shake it off, taking a breath to do so and turning a bit in his chair to face Levi. “It  _ is  _ a date, right? The dinner you invited me to?”

With his eyebrows flying up underneath his bangs at Erwin’s question, Levi felt his anxiety immediately turn into surprise, an almost confused, disbelieving expression appearing on his face because that was  _ not  _ what he had expected Erwin to ask  _ at all.  _ Of course it was a date, he thought, a  _ romantic _ date, as inviting him on one to try and turn their friendship into something more had been his sole intention when he had asked him. That was why he'd been so fucking nervous too — more nervous than he would have been had he just been asking him about anything else — and he found it hard to believe that Erwin hadn't noticed. Had he not been clear enough then? Had he not been clear enough the day before or that morning either, when he'd been kissing Erwin and even told him that he fucking liked him?

“Yeah.” He answered at that thought, shifting in his seat and unsure if he should still be concerned or not. Why was Erwin asking? If he had been clear, was he going to cancel it or something? Had he changed his mind? “I...want it to be, shit. I mean, if you do too.”

“I do.” Erwin replied immediately, a small smile blossoming on his face again. 

He was relaxing by the second, Levi noticed, and softening his expression, and that combined with his words quickly allowed Levi to let go of some of his own tension. Relief swept through him almost as fast as his worries had appeared, but he was still curious as to why Erwin has asked him like that in the first place. 

“Uh…” He started then, speaking slowly so he could choose his words carefully. “Did you not think it was? Did you not notice how I was practically shitting myself when I asked you?”

“So you  _ were  _ nervous, then?” Erwin asked, his lips curving up even more in a fond, soft way that made Levi’s cheeks flush. 

“Of course I was.” He responded, scowling a little too because he was starting to feel embarrassed. “I told you I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.” 

“I know. I don’t either, which is why I asked. I’m nervous too and I just wanted to be sure. I thought that was what you meant when you first asked me because of how you said it would be just us, but afterward I worried that I’d misunderstood, or—

“You didn’t. That’s what I meant, but...fuck, if you don’t for some reason, I—

“No.” Erwin interrupted him, with such assurance in his tone that Levi’s eyes widened. “I really do. I’d like that, I promise. It’s just...hard for me to believe this is actually happening, I suppose.”

“Yeah. Tell me about it.” Levi blurted before he could help it, as he too was quite familiar with that feeling, and had spent almost 24 hours thinking the exact same thing. 

“This entire time...I mean, before we kissed...well, I've felt this way about you for a while, Levi. But I kept thinking that even if you weren't my boss, you probably wouldn’t be interested in me because I was so young.”

Raising his eyebrows again at that, Levi’s expression turned to something incredulous before he could help it. “Huh? Are you fucking serious?”

“Yes. Because of that, I wanted to hope that you’d asked me out on a date, but then you didn’t say that it  _ was  _ one, and I kept thinking that I had to be wrong because I’m only 22 and you’re so much older than me. I’m young, and you’re a man — I mean...ah, an adult. A  _ real  _ adult, and I couldn’t see why you would want to waste your time on me. It’s...well, it was just intimidating sometimes, that’s all.”

“Intimidating.” Levi repeated in a dry tone, his eyes wide and fixed on Erwin like he could barely believe what he was hearing.  

What the fuck? Erwin had been nervous  _ and _ intimidated by him? That was hard to believe considering he'd been the one who had barely been able to say ‘hello’ to Erwin in the beginning without feeling like he might puke, and because he had always seen Erwin as the more confident one. Even if he was young he was attractive, tall, smart, and mature, and regardless, he wasn't the shut-in who had nearly forgotten how to interact with other people. That had been Levi, and because of his poor social skills, the fact that Erwin had found him intimidating in any way was ridiculous — so ridiculous, in fact, that it was  _ funny _ , and ironic enough that Levi found himself actually laughing. 

He let out a harsh bark of it before he could even help himself, forgetting how tense and anxious he'd been moments before in favor of intense relief, happy amusement, and a warm understanding from the fact that he knew exactly how Erwin felt. Realizing it made him feel a lot better about himself and how he'd acted these past many weeks too, as although he did actually have real fucking issues, he had never thought that Erwin might experience the same type of self-conscious doubts that he did, that he too had apparently been so hesitant to believe that the person he had feelings for actually returned them. It was even more humorous and relieving when it sunk in what Erwin's worries had actually been about too, as at times, Levi had also felt that Erwin would not be interested in him because of their age difference. 

“You’re laughing.” Erwin said after he had watched him for a moment, interrupting Levi's train of thought by stating the obvious and continuing to stare as if he hadn’t ever seen him do anything like that before — which, Levi realized after another second, he actually hadn’t. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing.” Levi replied immediately, biting back the urge to snort and smile again in favor of explaining. If Erwin had even a fraction of the anxiousness that Levi did then he was probably not quite sure how to take his laughter, and knowing how that felt, the last thing that Levi wanted was for him to feel uneasy. “I just thought the exact same shit. I thought you wouldn't be interested in me because I'm 34. Half the fucking time, I figured you just saw me as a creepy old man or something.”

“Oh. Really?” Erwin smiled, letting out a laugh of his own. 

“Yeah.”

“But you’re not old.”

“Well, you’re not just a shitty kid, either.” Levi said, shrugging. “At least not to me. But I'm still a lot older than you, and I thought people your age always considered anyone over 25 to be practically fucking elderly, or something.”

“Ah…” Erwin started, leaving his mouth open for a second when he suddenly stopped. It was like he was thinking, Levi noticed, or hesitating a bit to decide whether he should actually say what he’d been about to let out or not, and Levi eyed him curiously. 

Did Erwin think he was going to get offended if he agreed that yes, people his age thought people  _ Levi’s  _ age were old? Even after he’d already made fun of himself about it? He thought he’d made it clear that he didn’t give a shit — and that Erwin had made it clear  _ he  _ didn’t give a shit either — but once Erwin swallowed and finally did speak, Levi realized that it was actually the opposite. Sort of, anyway. 

“Maybe a little.” He said, looking away for a moment before he gave Levi a sheepish type of smile. “But I don’t think that. I like that you’re older.”

_ Oh. _ Levi thought, feeling his eyes widen a bit — mainly because the way Erwin had said that reminded him of something else, of how he’d described Levi as ‘a man’ a few minutes before only to quickly correct it into the word ‘adult.’ He’d been too distracted by the other shit Erwin had told him to really think anything of it, but his face definitely had turned pink when he said it, and now, because his cheeks were doing the same thing all over again Levi had the feeling that he hadn’t been using that term to just describe his age. 

Is that what he saw him as, though? A man, while he was just a kid? He’d said as much already, but physically, too? If he did, Levi thought, that was just as ridiculous as everything else, because to him, Erwin certainly was a man too. He was big and tall and had masculine, handsome features, some that Levi’s didn’t even come close to matching in that department either. Regardless of the details, though, it now made Levi start to realize that at least part of the reason Erwin found him attractive was because he was older, whether that had to do with his personality, looks, or both. 

He might not have thought it could be both if Erwin hadn’t let his eyes lower to take him in after he’d finished speaking, but he definitely had, and suddenly, Levi felt heated excitement start to curl in his belly. Suddenly, he thought, he had the urge to get off his chair and climb into Erwin’s lap, but whether it was to show him what kind of man he actually was or to make him see what kind of man Levi thought  _ Erwin  _ could be, he wasn’t sure. Either way, now was unfortunately not going to be the time for it, because as Levi had sat there digesting his words Erwin’s phone had started ringing. 

“It’s Nile.” He told Levi after he’d sat up and pulled it out of his pocket, frowning in a mournful way while Levi rolled his eyes. “He’s calling about the tree.”

“His timing is just as shitty as before.” Levi mumbled in response, biting his lip while Erwin cast him an apologetic glance and then answered the phone. 

He wasn’t really irritated or anything — at least, he wasn’t irritated at Erwin — because there was work that needed to be done in his backyard. However, he had been enjoying their conversation for a variety of reasons and had wanted to finish it, and, he thought, while his eyes latched onto Erwin’s lips as he talked on the phone, he’d wanted to kiss him again — especially now that he was starting to have some kind of sense of the effect he had on him. Deciding that there was no reason he couldn’t still at least try to sneak one in, he bit his lip and hesitated for only a second longer, ignoring how his cheeks warmed as he stood up, grabbed at Erwin’s neck with both hands, and bent to give him a lingering peck at the corner of his mouth. 

Amusingly enough, Erwin stilled and made a slightly stricken expression — not because he didn't want the kiss, Levi thought, because he was on the phone and he  _ was _ young and Levi had the power to overwhelm him, apparently — but somehow continued the conversation flawlessly, grabbing at Levi's waist as he pulled away and gave him one more quick press of his lips before he decided that he should get back to cleaning up the mess they’d made from lunch. 

That was about all he could do to show or tell Erwin how pleased he was because of what they'd talked about, and how much fonder he'd become too, somehow, and so he grabbed as many plates from the table as he possibly could, walking over to his sink so he could wash everything off. He'd barely even gotten started before he heard Erwin say goodbye, though, and found himself glancing over his shoulder when he then picked up the rest of the dishes and brought them over to Levi. 

“He's on his way.” Erwin told him. “He’s a bit early, but we’ll definitely be able to cut the rest of the tree up this afternoon. I want to get the branch out of your pool first, though, because it’s probably messed up the chemical balance bad enough already. I think we’ll have to drive his truck up around the yard and use a chain to pull it out, is that alright?” 

Levi paused and cocked an eyebrow at that, immediately thinking of about ten different questions that he had regarding an operation like that. Then, a second later, however, he lowered it and just shrugged, remembering that Erwin was going to be out there and whatever he had in mind was probably fine. Levi trusted him not to fuck up his yard even more than it already was, and so he gave him a nod too, watching as Erwin smiled and lowered his eyes to his lips. They lingered for a second before he flicked them back up to Levi's gaze, his expression caught between something like want and hesitance in such a way that Levi knew exactly what he was thinking. Because of that, Levi just snorted and motioned at him with his head to come closer, a silent indication that Erwin had his permission to kiss him. 

It was ridiculous for him to think that he didn't at this point, but he supposed  _ he  _ had been the one to instigate most, if not all, of their making out that day. Was this Erwin’s nerves — the ones he'd just admitted to having because Levi intimidated him, or whatever — rearing their head again, or was he really just  _ that  _ polite? Levi thought it was probably a mixture of both, and didn't fault him because he certainly knew how that felt. Rather, he just decided that it would be better to encourage him instead, and grabbed the side of his neck after Erwin had given him a quick peck before he could pull away. 

“I like when you kiss me, Erwin.” He said, ignoring the way his stomach flip-flopped and the hot flush that swept across his cheeks. “Is there any more where that came from?”

Thankfully, Erwin did not have to be asked twice. Blinking for a second — and blushing too, charmingly enough — he paused and then gave Levi another warm smile, shortly before he bent to capture Levi’s lips once more. They shared a few slow, lingering kisses like that until Erwin’s fucking phone started ringing  _ again _ , and Levi jerked away with a scowl that was meant to be directed at whoever it was calling him this time. 

He assumed it was Nile again for some reason, and naturally, he was right, and he couldn’t help but let out a huff this time when he had to let go of Erwin so that he could answer it, knowing that the fucker was needed because of the mess in his backyard, but wishing that he could maybe call or show up when they weren’t kissing or discussing things that didn’t involve him. Levi hadn’t forgotten that he’d interrupted them when he’d first asked Erwin out to dinner — the dinner that Erwin had apparently been fretting over just as much as Levi had been. 

It was still a little astonishing that he had doubted it in the first place, but his explanation as to why made sense, and Levi was pleased that Erwin had opened up to him like that. He’d shared some of his insecurities and Levi had too, and he now felt even closer to him because of it. Still, though, he realized, despite the fact that he no longer believed that he’d been pushing himself onto Erwin too much, he still hadn’t really gotten an answer as to  _ why  _ Erwin wanted the date to take place next Friday. 

“Uh.” He started at that thought, waiting until Erwin had ended his quick conversation with Nile again — apparently he had forgotten the name of Levi’s street — before he bit his lip and decided to ask. It wasn’t that he felt it  _ had  _ to be moved; on the contrary, he would cook dinner for Erwin whenever he wanted him to. However, he was just curious, and after everything else, he wanted to make sure that he hadn’t missed something so he wouldn’t end up worrying about it again. “Why do you want to eat next Friday?”

“Oh, I just thought we’d have more time on a Friday night since the next day is Saturday. I won't be working then, and...ah, I thought I could stay longer. If that's alright with you, of course, I—

“It's fine.” Levi responded then, unable to resist interrupting because  _ of course _ that was okay, as Erwin's explanation showed only more of his adorable earnestness and sincerity in his desire to go down this path with him. 

“Alright.” Erwin continued, giving Levi a smile. “I would've suggested this Friday night, but that’s soon and it's always when I go to the gym. Next week, though, I’m going to change my schedule and go on a different night so it won't be a problem.” 

“Yeah, okay. That'll give me time to figure out what kind of shit to cook you, too.” 

“Afterward, would you like to watch a movie?” Erwin asked next, his smile growing. 

“You mean after we eat dinner on Friday?” Levi said in response, biting back a smile of his own at the idea. 

It was simple, of course, but even just doing something like that with Erwin sounded fun, and immediately Levi began to imagine them eating popcorn and cuddling underneath a blanket on his couch while a movie played in front of them. It was a good idea, he thought, and would be a chance for him to relax after all the cooking he'd be doing — not that he wouldn't enjoy it, though — and with the fact that they'd be doing it after eating dinner, it almost made it seem like they would be going on an actual date — or at least, an actual date into town, or something. It was the best they could do to replicate a dinner-and-a-movie outing inside his own home, but whatever, Levi was saved from wondering if Erwin was disappointed that they weren't by the way his face remained bright and happy. 

“Yes.” He answered. “Since you're cooking, you can pick.”

“Okay. I hope we have the same taste in movies.”

“I'm sure whatever you pick I'll like.” 

“We’ll see.” Levi mumbled, thinking about all of his favorites — which mostly included comedies with crude, ribald humor and action films that favored explosions over actual plot lines — and finding it hard to believe that Erwin would have similar taste. 

He seemed too smart for that type of shit, Levi thought, but whatever. It wasn't a huge issue, and besides, he had what he was going to prepare them for dinner to worry about. That was far more important to him than anything else, and already he was recalling what he had planned before, reminiscing about what he’d decided to change and trying to figure out  _ what  _ he wanted to change it into. While he did so, Erwin checked the time on his phone beside him, shoving it into his pocket a second later with a somewhat resigned look on his face.

“I suppose I should go change.” He said quietly, watching Levi at the sink beside him. “Nile will be here any minute. I don’t trust him to not barge into the backyard again like he did before.”

“How do you even know that guy?” Levi asked, again remembering how fucking rude he’d been the last time he’d showed up to his house. 

It was something he’d been wondering ever since then anyway, as before that, Levi had been under the impression that Erwin didn’t really have any friends. Erwin had told him that himself, actually, when they’d first started sharing a glass of lemonade or water together while Erwin was on break, explaining to Levi that he hadn’t lived in this town very long and hadn’t really met anyone. Obviously, Levi did not think he was lying or anything like that — mainly because it didn’t seem like he and Nile were more than acquaintances — but it was obvious they were somewhat familiar, and he couldn’t help but be curious about how Erwin was on friendly enough speaking terms with an asshole like that to get him to help with Levi’s tree.

“I just know him from high school.” Was Erwin’s answer, a simple, perfectly inconspicuous explanation that made sense. “We were friends, I suppose, but he’s a few years older than me. He moved away and got married after he graduated, and I’d heard he’d opened up a tree removal business. I think he has a son now.”

“Oh. Okay.” Levi said, immediately shrugging. “Thanks for getting him to help, or whatever.”

“Of course.” Erwin replied, smiling at him and only hesitating for a split second this time before he bent to give him another quick kiss.

“Just tell me how much I owe him whenever you’re done today, and I’ll write a check so he doesn’t have to come back.” Levi continued after leaning into it, thinking in the back of his mind that it was too bad Erwin had to go outside so that they couldn’t go back into his living room and make out again. 

Sadly, though, he had to, and Levi wanted the mess in his backyard fixed anyway — or at least, the part involving the tree so that there wouldn’t have to be anymore strangers around, anyway. Still, it was apparent that Erwin was hesitant to let him go either, as he couldn’t resist wrapping his arms around him in a hug so that they could share a few more lingering kisses in front of the sink.

“I will.” Erwin assured him about the money when they seemed to finally be ready to part, as Levi bit his lip and looked up at him. “I’m excited about dinner.”

“Me too.” Levi responded, enjoying the way his heart swelled at Erwin’s smile. “I thought I’d fucked up earlier and moved too fast or something. You know, with all the making out and shit.”

Blinking at his words, Erwin then shook his head vehemently a second later, his cheeks going a bit pink to match the color that was surely already on Levi’s, delightfully enough. “ _ No _ . That was nice. I like kissing you.”

“I liked it too.” Levi said, grabbing at Erwin’s face one more time so he could stand up onto his tiptoes to prove it.

He felt Erwin’s lips curving up against his own while they kissed, and almost got carried away all over again until Erwin pulled back and abruptly exhaled.

“Anyway, I'm sorry if I overwhelmed you by asking all of that earlier. That was just why I wanted to know, because if there were still boundaries, I didn't want to do anything to mess this up.” He said, his fingers moving to find Levi’s all over again. 

“You didn't.” Levi told him in response immediately, squeezing his hand in what he hoped was a reassuring way as Erwin had done to him so many times before. “And I know how you fucking feel, alright? Do you know how long I wanted to kiss you like that yesterday?”

“Well, I assume it was at least after you slammed the door in my face.” Erwin said, a comment which took Levi by surprise.

He was referring to the first day they’d met, of course, when Erwin had showed up to work and Levi had gotten irritated with him for being early and flustered because he was so good looking, and had, as he’d said, basically slammed the door in his face. They’d long ago gotten past that, of course, and obviously Erwin was teasing him if his playful tone said anything, but Levi hadn’t been expecting it, and only managed to scoff and shove at him playfully after a few seconds had passed. 

“You’d better go change before I do it again.” He mumbled back, latching his fingers into Erwin’s shirt too and pulling him back towards him to show that he obviously didn’t mean it.

In response, Erwin just laughed and went to hug him once more, wrapping his arms around Levi’s middle as he leaned into it. They stayed like that for a few second before Erwin eventually sighed and then shifted, standing up straight from where he’d leaned over and taking a step back.

“Alright.” He said, another mournful frown appearing on his face. “I really do have to go change, unfortunately.”

“Okay.” Levi told him, allowing Erwin to extricate himself from his arms, watching him turn to leave the kitchen a second later to take off his suit.

He’d taken off the jacket a while ago but was still wearing the rest of it, and presumably, he was going to change into his work clothes. That must be what he’d brought the duffel bag in for, Levi thought, remembering how he’d had one when he’d gotten there that he’d immediately set aside. He’d wondered about it for a moment but had then gotten distracted by more important things — namely Erwin’s mouth — and was now just mourning how he’d probably gotten his last glimpse of Erwin in a suit. With his apparent lack of dress clothing needs it seemed unlikely that Levi would ever get to see him wearing one again, but whatever, perhaps another time would come when he could convince Erwin to put it back on. 

Either way, he quickly got sidetracked contemplating it from the thought that Erwin was currently taking off his clothes somewhere in his house — probably the downstairs bathroom, which was just out of the kitchen and across the hall. It was less than a minute away from where Levi was standing then, and although he was certainly not going to go try to sneak a peek or bust open the door or anything like that, he couldn’t stop his mind from wandering about what might happen if he  _ did  _ catch him half dressed. 

Would Erwin be embarrassed? Would he let Levi touch him? What if his shirt was off and his pants were unzipped? Levi would be able to see his hipbones, would be able to see where they disappeared into his underwear, even, and maybe even catch a glimpse of his bulge. Just the thought of that was enough to make Levi’s mouth go dry, and he bit his tongue, scolding himself for almost zoning out when he  _ should  _ have been doing the dishes, and when Erwin could have walked back in to find him with a dazed, flushed expression on his face at any moment. 

He was sure his cheeks and ears had gone a bit red from what he’d been thinking about by then, and he told himself to concentrate on other shit, to just  _ wait  _ until Erwin was outside to get lost in thoughts like that so he wouldn’t get caught and end up embarrassed. He already knew he was going to jerk off that afternoon — he had to after all the making out they’d done, or his dick was going to fucking explode — and until then, he needed to put the fantasies aside and save them for later when he could be alone. 

Even if he had that to look forward to, he still wished that Erwin didn’t have to go outside and work, and briefly debated on telling him to just worry about it another day. He’d enjoyed the time they’d spent together that morning and didn’t want it to end, and after all, he  _ was  _ Erwin’s boss, and  _ could  _ tell him when and where he wanted him to work on his yard, right? Unfortunately, the thought of doing so was something he could only entertain for a few seconds, as he knew the tree needed to be removed too and that Nile was about to be at his house. It would be an asshole move to do that after he’d driven all the way out there to help Erwin, and besides, Levi was ready to get it all done so that he didn’t have to deal with that fucker again anyway.

Fortunately, Erwin was right about them only needing the rest of that afternoon to get it all cut up, as by the time evening rolled around, the sounds of their chainsaws had ceased and the only thing left of the tree that had crashed down into Levi’s backyard and made such a mess were several piles of split, shredded, and cut up pieces of wood. It lay on the other side of his fence near where they had dragged the branch out of his pool like Erwin had said they would, which had unfortunately made somewhat of a mess, leaving a trail of broken twigs and dead leaves from the edge of the water to its final resting place. 

It had ripped up some more of his grass from where it had slid along the ground too, but he supposed it couldn’t be helped. What did it matter anyway, when a good portion of his yard already looked like a herd of cattle had trampled through it? What he was really worried about was the inside of his pool, and what that looked like, Levi did not know, as he was almost afraid to go out and check once the giant branch had been removed. He didn’t want to see it if it was incredibly damaged inside and get stressed out about how much money he’d have to spend to fucking fix it, and decided to just take Erwin’s word for it when he let him know that it wasn’t  _ that  _ bad. 

He told him when he came back inside after Nile had gone, after they’d worked until nearly sundown to get everything taken care of. That was way past the time that Erwin usually left, Levi knew, and he’d started to feel bad about thirty minutes afterward when he was still outside, helping Nile and the two kids he’d brought with him stack the cut of pieces of the tree into neat piles. He was just getting ready to go outside and tell Erwin that they should just finish it the next day when he finally came in, after he’d knocked on Levi’s door and he’d rushed to open it with a glass of water in hand.

“Hey.” He greeted him, immediately noticing how sweaty and heated he’d gotten while working outside all afternoon.

His hair was a bit damp and Levi could see a thin sheen of drying wetness on parts of his skin, and although he had long ago stopped questioning why he didn’t find the sight disgusting, his reaction this time was so strong that he couldn’t stop his eyes from going lidded while he looked at him. It was especially bad when he caught sight of the top of one collarbone disappearing into Erwin’s t-shirt, the sweat-soaked line of it almost glistening underneath the overhead lighting in his house. For some reason, it was enough to cause a jolt of arousal to lance through Levi’s belly, as images of himself pushing Erwin back against the wall and planting his mouth over the spot raced through his mind before he even knew what was happening. 

_ Fuck. _ He thought with an inward groan, what the hell was his problem? He’d already jerked off that afternoon like he’d planned while Erwin had been working outside — ignoring how it had somehow felt illicit and exciting to do so in light of what had happened and in favor of just impassively relieving himself — and thought he’d gotten rid of his excess desire. Why was he already getting himself worked up again over one little thing? Was he going to have to touch himself  _ again  _ when Erwin left?

If he was, Levi thought, and if his frustration was only going to get worse now that he’d been allowed to kiss and touch him some instead of better like he’d hoped, then he wasn’t sure how long he could stand to not try and rush things and savor them in that department like he’d previously told himself he would. Of course, if he did move shit along and Erwin didn’t want that or wasn’t ready for whatever reason then he would wait, but if not, and if Erwin was perfectly willing to end up naked and in Levi’s bed sooner rather than later, then there was no fucking way he would be able to talk himself out of it.

Regardless, though, that wasn’t going to happen right then, as Erwin had been working out in the summer heat all afternoon and looked tired. Levi had no business lusting after him because he probably just needed a drink and to sit down, and a big, warm thanks for what he had just busted his ass to accomplish out there. Chiding himself for acting like some kind of fucking pervert again, Levi handed Erwin the glass of water as soon as he snapped out of his staring, watching Erwin give him a grateful smile while taking it and chugging it all down in one huge gulp.

“Thank you.” He said when he was done, wiping his face with the back of one arm. “We got the tree all cut up.”

“Yeah, I saw. You didn’t have to work so late though.”

“It’s alright. I wanted to finish it today. That was the worst part, I think, but now it’s over with.”

“Thanks.” Levi told him at that, unable to resist standing up onto his tiptoes to kiss the corner of Erwin’s mouth after a moment of hesitation. “You worked a lot.”

“Yes. And I’m sweaty, I’m—

“Why would I care?” Levi said before he could help it, responding to the regretful look Erwin had given him and the way he’d leaned away from him self-consciously with another quick kiss. “It’s not a bad look for you.”

“Oh.” Erwin said at that, blinking for a moment before he gradually untensed and placed a hand on Levi’s waist. 

He blushed too, delightfully enough, which made his face look even more ruddy from all the work he’d done outside in the heat, and then leaned into the next kiss Levi gave him — slowly, at first, but eventually all the way. Standing so close to him like that Levi could indeed smell how sweaty he was, a strong scent that wasn’t  _ too  _ bad because he could still smell traces of whatever cologne or body wash Erwin used underneath it. Even if that wasn’t there, though, he still didn’t think that he’d let it stop him, as his fondness and desire for Erwin was apparently just too powerful to be ruined by anything else. That was the reason that he was struggling with a half hard-on in his pants currently, of course, and he again had to remind himself to calm the fuck down, to pull back because he was pretty sure that Erwin just wanted to relax.

“Wanna sit down?” Levi asked him at that thought, gesturing toward his living room where his big couch lay. “I’ll get you some more water.”

“Alright.” Erwin agreed, smiling gratefully at Levi before he padded into the other room. 

Levi went to refill his glass and then met him back in there, sitting down beside him and listening for a moment as Erwin detailed all of the work they had done.

“Nile says he can load up his truck with the pieces of the tree to take it away, or you can keep it for firewood. Do you ever use your fireplace?” Erwin asked, taking a slow sip of his drink and looking in the direction of the hearth Levi had in his living room. 

“Sometimes.” He answered, recalling the few times each winter that he actually did decide to light it, usually on the coldest nights when he couldn’t seem to keep warm no matter how many blankets he piled on top of him and grew desperate. 

Otherwise, he kept the damned thing off because he hadn’t liked sitting in front of it alone, as the flames crackling loudly in his otherwise quiet house had always made him feel...well, lonely. It wasn’t something he’d realized until recently because he’d been in so much denial about it, and he had always just told himself that he didn’t want to risk burning his fucking house down or something. Now, however, he thought that having a fire when it was cold might be nice if he had Erwin around, but began wondering if he was being stupid by dreaming about things that far ahead. Winter was months away, he knew, and although he’d thought about having a long-term relationship with him before, of course, he was almost more afraid to hope for it in that moment than he had been a few days ago. 

Was it because they’d kissed? Was it because he now knew he had his feelings returned, and had experienced such an overwhelming amount of happiness in the past 24 hours and felt how good it was enough to not want to lose it? Yes, he thought, that had to be it, as he knew that was part of the risk in opening up to another person like this, in letting his guard down enough to allow someone else in — especially someone that made him feel like he was floating like Erwin did. The closer Levi got to him the worse it would be if he ever disappeared, but hadn’t he decided that the potential rewards were greater than the risks? He had, he remembered, before he’d asked Erwin out to dinner, and he had told himself that he didn’t want to continue to be afraid like that too. That couldn’t change just because he’d gotten what he wanted, and so after a few more seconds of thought he bit his lip and then continued speaking, glancing towards his fireplace and then back at Erwin.

“I don’t use that shit much because I’m always by myself, but...maybe he could leave a few piles now.” He said, watching as Erwin smiled and nodded in response, seemingly oblivious to the short internal struggle Levi had just experienced next to him.

“Alright.” He replied, taking another drink of water. “I’ll tell him. He’ll come to load the rest of it up tomorrow, and after that he shouldn’t come back. It will probably take several loads, though, and you can pay him then.”

“That’s fine. Is the pool okay?”

“It could be worse.” Erwin said, chuckling a bit and quickly backpedaling when he saw how Levi scowled in sudden frustration. “It’s not terrible, I promise. Nothing that can’t be fixed easily, anyway. I’ll show you tomorrow, alright?”

“Okay.” Levi replied, deciding to focus on how he’d get to see Erwin again very soon instead of the potential destruction that had come to his pool.

“I’ll be here at 10.” Erwin told him, reaching over then to take Levi’s hand. 

“Okay.” Levi said again. “10.”

He let his fingers relax so that Erwin’s could slip between them, watching him finish his water like that and letting him rest in silence for a few minutes on his couch. He was tired, Levi could tell, because of the way that his eyes seemed to be drooping and the weary way with which he shifted every so often. Again, he found himself wishing that Erwin was able to stay for dinner, but he wasn’t surprised when a few moments later he suddenly yawned and turned to face him.

“I probably need to get going.” He said, giving Levi a half-smile that wasn’t any less bright than his others. “I’m exhausted. I’m not used to getting up so early.”

Snorting, Levi nodded in understanding, remembering how Erwin had been required to be at his interview almost first thing that morning. He’d been awake for a long time at that point and had also worked his ass off in the heat, and Levi didn’t blame him for wanting to go home and relax even if he knew that he was going to miss him.

“Alright.” He said at that thought, taking Erwin’s glass from him, setting it on one of the tables near his couch, and leaning over to give him a quick kiss. “Go home and sleep. Thanks for the shit you did outside.”

In response, Erwin just smiled wider and leaned into the kiss, squeezing Levi’s hand before he finally got up and stretched. He yawned again and then went to use the bathroom while Levi put his glass away, and once he was finished and had gathered his duffel bag, Levi walked him to the front door and gave him a hug. After, he was pleased when Erwin leaned down with no hesitation to capture his lips again, sharing a kiss with him that lasted longer than the short pecks Levi had given him on the couch. It was slow and warm, but even so, Levi was careful not to get carried away because he knew that Erwin needed to leave, and a minute later he pulled back, opening the door so that Erwin could head home and get some rest like he wanted to. 

“Bye.” He said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Goodbye.” Erwin told him, waving at Levi over his shoulder as he walked to his car. 

He gave him one more smile before he unlocked it and climbed inside, and Levi watched on his doorstep as he drove away, actually sighing and then swearing at himself for acting like some kind of lovesick teenager. It was ridiculous because it was only going to be about 15 hours before he would get to see Erwin again, he thought, and most of that he was going to be spending asleep after he fixed himself dinner, bathed, and watched TV. He couldn’t help missing him no matter what, though, as it seemed that the silence in his house grew that much more palpable every single time he left. It had happened the day before and it was happening now, but Levi’s preemptive moping was interrupted when he walked back into his living room and saw something that suddenly made his night alone seem more bearable: Erwin had left his suit jacket on the couch.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m sure it will be delicious. Can you tell me what we’re having now, or is it still a secret?” Erwin responded, giving Levi a small smile from where he was seated. 
> 
> His words made him pause for a moment after he’d put the wine bottle aside, biting his lip like he was thinking about it as he went to finish slicing up his peaches from before. He hadn’t told Erwin what they were having all week because he’d wanted it to be somewhat of a surprise after he had decided, but now that he was there and their date had begun he supposed it didn’t matter anymore — especially because he was going to see what it was anyway once Levi started cooking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO sorry for the delay, i'd hoped to get this out a lot sooner but it ended up being SO FUCKING LONG that it took me awhile. because of the length i've decided to split it into two chapters, but i made sure to finish the 2nd one before posting all of it at all because i know i've promised ~things~ for a while and i didn't want to put it off anymore! so the next one should be up within a few minutes of me posting this one!

The next day, Erwin arrived at 10:00 AM on the dot and was let in through Levi’s open door before he even had the chance to knock on it. That was because Levi had been waiting for him in his kitchen like he’d made a habit of doing, already showered and dressed and full of breakfast, and had practically sprung up when he’d heard his car pull into the driveway. He’d headed to the front of his house and hadn’t even bothered to wait for him to climb the steps before he opened the door that time, feeling too impatient and excited to see him again that he didn’t care if he seemed overeager.

Even if he did, he now knew that Erwin likely wouldn’t be bothered by it because of what they’d talked about the day before, and whatever worries Levi had about it were dashed anyway when he saw the big, warm smile that spread over Erwin’s face when he first caught sight of him. It was the one that Levi had come to appreciate so much, the one that showed off his dimples and brightened his eyes and made him look happy, and the fact that Levi now knew for certain that it was not only directed  _ at  _ him, but  _ because  _ of him too, made his heart skip a beat so powerfully that he was rendered still. Warm happiness washed over him too like a wave, and he was unable to keep his own expression from changing into a smile that matched Erwin’s as he approached.

“Hi.” Erwin said quietly when he stopped in front of him, letting his eyes sweep over Levi for a second before he met his gaze again. 

When he did, his lips just curved up that much more in a soft way, and it was all Levi could do to not practically throw himself into Erwin’s arms for a hug. 

“Hey.” He said instead, swallowing. 

“How was your night?” Erwin asked, as Levi stepped aside to let him in through the door.

“Not bad.” Levi answered. “You?”

“It was alright.”

“Did you get some sleep?”

Chuckling at that, Erwin smiled a bit sheepishly. “Yes. A lot.”

“Good. If you were that tired yesterday, you probably shouldn’t have been working with fucking power tools.”

“That’s probably true.” Erwin replied to Levi’s teasing, letting his eyes wander over him again from where they’d stopped to chat in Levi’s hallway.

This time when he did it Levi went quiet and bit his lip, feeling his stomach jolt with nervous excitement while they stared at each other. Now that they’d gotten the polite pleasantries out of the way it seemed like they both only wanted one thing, but were for some reason hesitating. Thankfully, though, it only lasted for another second before Levi scoffed —  _ Why  _ were they still wavering? Wasn’t that stupid? — and reached out to grab Erwin’s hand, tugging him forward so that he stepped into Levi’s space. Looking up at him while he did so, Levi felt his heart flutter when Erwin smiled softly in response to the realization that Levi wanted him closer, moving to place his hands on Levi’s waist and only standing there for another second before he dipped his head down to kiss him. Levi leaned into it, of course, and enjoyed the slow, sweet progression of it, enough so that when they broke apart he was hesitant to let go.

“Uh.” He said, wondering whether Erwin had been planning to get straight to work that morning or not.

He hoped he wasn't, but if he  _ was _ , then Levi had already decided on a scheme to try to get him to wait for a bit instead. Thankfully, he discovered, it wasn’t that hard.

“Wanna sit down?” He asked, gently tugging on Erwin’s hand again as he spoke — this time in the direction of his living room.

“Alright.” Was Erwin’s response, uttered almost immediately after Levi had closed his mouth.

There was no hesitation there like he’d exhibited a few moments earlier when he’d first gotten to Levi’s house, and he followed him into the other room where they sat down on the couch and basically repeated what they had spent their time doing the day before. That meant a lot of kissing — which, even though he didn’t complain about, had not necessarily been Levi’s  _ whole  _ intention when he’d asked him to stay inside — and then more talking, and even about 30 minutes of Levi watching Erwin play a game on his cell phone after he received a notification for it. Next, in an effort to further repeat what they had done the day before, Levi ended up cooking them another quick, simple lunch, one that Erwin devoured just as fast as he had when Levi had fixed him fajitas.

It was only after that when Erwin actually made his way outside to work in the yard again, as apart from the mess made by the tree he still had the regular pool and plant maintenance to take care of. He didn’t want to get behind on it, he said, which Levi  _ supposed  _ he couldn’t argue with, and besides, he too had chores that he probably needed to be doing, as he had fallen behind on his house cleaning days and days ago. He hadn't been keeping up with it and had started to get more and more lax with his schedule in the past week, finding that whenever he thought about it he just wasn’t that concerned. Not that he'd let his house get messy or anything like that, though, because that would probably never happen, but needless to say, scrubbing his kitchen floor until it was pristine twice a week was no longer high up on his priority list. 

Obviously, Erwin had replaced things like that, and whenever he wondered if it was something that even mattered or not — half the time when he’d done so much excessing cleaning before, it had been because he’d had nothing else to do — he’d found himself coming to the eventual conclusion that he just did not care. It wasn’t like he was going to let his home get filthy or anything like that anyway, and besides, he’d much rather spend that time with Erwin if he was able to. Because he had started working in the yard later than normal, though, Erwin didn’t finish until far past his usual time again, giving Levi the chance to actually do more cleaning than he had planned. He only stopped when he heard Erwin knocking on the door that evening and went to let him in — after telling him he didn’t have to keep knocking because it was stupid — and just like the day before, Erwin drank a few glasses of water while they talked for a bit before he went home to rest. 

The next day he was back, and what they had done the past two days somehow ended up becoming their routine for the rest of the week — or at least, it was on the days that Erwin showed up to work. There were a few that he took off, of course, and didn’t come over, but they ended up spending that time talking to each other through text messages just as much as they would have if Erwin had been there. It was nice and helped Levi to miss the company less when he was gone, and although he had anticipated it more and more every single day, before Levi knew it the entire week and a half had passed and the time for their dinner date finally arrived. 

By then, he had come up with a full menu, placed a special grocery delivery, and planned step by step what he needed to do to get everything ready, telling Erwin that he could come over whenever he wanted after 5, but that dinner would not be ready until 7:30. It was kind of late, he thought, but he was going to have an appetizer out for them to snack on by 6 or 6:15, and he wanted to take his time and not be rushed. That was the best he could do without putting himself in a position for that to happen with how much prep he was going to have to do, but most of that was for the dessert, which he had to get started on early because it was going to take longer than anything else he was making to cook. 

Other than that, he was going to spend most of the morning and afternoon cleaning, as he had decided after all the slacking off he’d done that he probably should give his house a fresh scrub down — at least before what he hoped was going to be a special night. Then, of course, he had to shower, shave, give his hair a trim, and decide what the fuck he was going to be wearing, which was a 45 minute task in and of itself because he couldn’t stop feeling self-conscious about everything he threw on. 

Should he wear a suit? No, he thought immediately as he stood inside his closet, that would be too much. Should he wear just a tie, then? Possibly, but he and Erwin hadn’t discussed any type of dress code or whatever. Levi knew that he’d like it to be somewhat formal as that was how he imagined the dinner, but he didn’t know what Erwin was going to wear. What if he dressed in nice pants and a tie and Erwin just wore casual clothes? What if he wore casual clothes and Erwin ended up with a suit on? Levi was pretty sure that was just wishful thinking on his part because he’d enjoyed how good Erwin had looked in one before, but Erwin didn’t seem to like wearing them. Was there any type of chance he would at least show up with a tie on, though?

Maybe, Levi thought, but then again, maybe he wouldn’t because he hated those too, and this date was being held at Levi’s fucking house — not out in public. That probably suggested a less than formal atmosphere than the one Levi was imagining in his head, which he supposed was fine. After all, he did want them to be able to relax and to have a good time most of all, which might be hard to do if they were wearing stiff suits and uncomfortable, formal clothing. 

Still, though, Levi decided that he, at least, wanted to look nice himself regardless of what Erwin wore, and so with that in mind, he eventually threw on his best pair of black slacks, a white button down shirt, and a black silk tie with white polka dots — something relatively simple, he thought, but not so formal that it was ridiculous. He could always take the tie off if Erwin showed up with normal clothes on, after all, and with that in mind, decided that he would check when he got there by taking a peek out his kitchen window. He’d already be in that room as it was, he thought, which was what  _ really  _ made him decide on an outfit and drag himself away from his closet, as by then, it was probably well past the time that he should have started cooking.

He had a lot to do, and the first thing he did when he made it downstairs was put on an apron to protect his shirt from any spills, tying it around his waist and feeling a bit silly wearing something like that over dress clothes. However, he knew he wouldn’t be wearing it when it mattered, and so he dismissed the thought and got to work, first getting out everything he needed to prep for his appetizer: an artichoke gruyere dip that he planned to serve with crackers. The first step in getting it started was to clean and peel the artichokes, something that was a lot more difficult and time consuming than slicing up bell peppers or onions. It took him about half an hour to get it all done, but after that it was just a matter of combining the other ingredients and getting it into the oven to bake. 

By then, Erwin had texted him to let him know that he was on his way, a message which had excitement all but jolting up Levi’s spine. He was so full of anticipation by then that he felt jittery, and he was happy that after everything, after how fearful and nervous he’d been about asking Erwin in the first place and the emotional ordeal he’d gone through to do so, after all of the speculation and revelations and  _ waiting  _ too, he was finally going to cook a real dinner for Erwin and have his date with him. 

It might not have mattered to some people by then because sure, they had spent the majority of the last week and a half spending time with each other at his house, but despite that fact it was still important to Levi, significant to him because he’d more or less made it his goal to have a date with Erwin when he’d decided to ask him and he had said yes. After everything, it was as if he was still determined to see it all the way through, to have a successful night so that he could prove to himself that he was capable of this and was no longer letting his anxieties get the best of him — even if he kind of already had because of what they’d started.

Also, he thought, it meant something to him that they have as much of a  _ real  _ date as they could because he was so hesitant to leave the house, and because to him, doing so at all indicated that they were both trying to get something out of this that was more than just making out on Levi’s sofa. No, rather than that, dating was done with the purpose of eventually finding someone to have a relationship with, right? Levi thought so, or at least, he thought that in  _ their  _ case it definitely was, because the both of them had seemed adamant about getting it to happen, despite the fact that they could have also just kept casually doing what they had all week if they’d wanted to. 

Doing so wouldn’t have automatically meant that they  _ didn’t  _ want this to turn into anything serious or anything, but because they’d both obviously placed importance on it made Levi feel like this was going to turn into something real, that he might actually end up with Erwin as a long term fixture in his life like he truly wanted. If that happened...well, then needless to say he might find the happiness he so desperately had come to long for, happiness that he could share with Erwin and that he wouldn’t ruin for the worst, not this time. That was why doing this was so important to him, and why he wanted to make sure that everything about that night was as perfect as he could make it. 

Obviously, that meant that he couldn’t make any mistakes on dinner, which meant that he needed to fucking concentrate and not let his thoughts wander, as what he was planning on making that night was a lot more complicated than fajitas or grilled cheese sandwiches. He couldn’t let himself get distracted, he thought, and so he tried his best to control the excitement and the almost giddy, lighthearted, nearly overwhelming feeling he had so that he could focus on what he needed to do next, which after getting his appetizer in the oven, was to start prepping for his dessert.

He was doing that next because he was going to cook a peach bread pudding with bourbon sauce, and the entire thing needed to be ready to go by the time he was done crafting their actual main course. He wouldn’t have time to prepare the dessert while he was doing that, and so it was important that he get all of the ingredients combined and set in a pan so that all he had to do when he was ready was throw it into the oven. It would need to bake for about an hour, which he figured gave them plenty of time to eat their entree in his dining room as slowly as they liked. 

With that in mind, the first thing he did to start the bread pudding was grab another knife so he could peel and slice two handfuls of peaches — another task that wasn’t necessarily quick. Somehow, though, he managed to get about halfway done before Erwin finally arrived, the sound of his car pulling up into Levi’s driveway causing him to practically drop his knife down onto the counter as his heart jumped up into his throat. Humming with something warm and hopeful, he untied his apron while he went to peek out his kitchen window to check and see if Erwin was wearing a tie like he had planned, preparing himself to discover that he would have to remove his own but finding himself filled with a surprised, fluttery feeling at what he ended up seeing instead.

Not only was he wearing a tie, he realized when he caught sight of Erwin, but he was actually wearing an entire  _ suit  _ — something that he had immediately dismissed as not probable when he’d thought about it earlier. It was one of the ones he had bought for Erwin, of course, as Levi had expected it would be if he ended up wearing dress clothes, but best of all, it was the outfit that he’d thought of as his favorite: the grey-suit-pink-button down combination that had looked so good on him in the dressing room. He had even paired it with the best matching tie, too, the one that was made out of a purple silk with a pink paisley pattern over it, and despite the fact that he was still all the way across Levi’s large driveway, he could see that he looked just as good, if not better, than he had at the store. 

Feeling his heart skip a beat, Levi bit his lip and rushed to go check his appearance one last time in the closest mirror, tucking back a stray hair and making sure that his face was clean and that he hadn’t spilled anything on himself while cooking, and then headed towards his entrance way so that he could let Erwin inside. By then he should have been on his porch and getting ready to knock — after the past week, Levi had learned about how long it took him to get from his car to the front of his house — but when he swung the door open he saw that Erwin was still halfway across the driveway, looking like he had just stepped away from his trunk to walk towards him. 

He must have gone back to his vehicle, Levi thought, realizing that was what had happened in the split second that it also took him to realize that Erwin was holding flowers. It was a bouquet of them, he saw, an assortment of full, brightly colored red, orange, yellow, and white blossoms, the thick handful of them wrapped in green tissue paper and currently resting inside Erwin’s right hand. They were gorgeous, he thought when his eyes first laid on them, and obviously for him — who else would they be for? — and immediately he felt his cheeks start to heat up, an overwhelming, lighthearted sensation rushing through him that actually made him freeze in place. 

It was because he hadn’t expected Erwin to bring him fucking  _ flowers _ , of course, something that he had never thought would make him feel touched either. That was from the fact that he’d always considered them silly, always thinking that they were a pointless gift because they would inevitably die and get thrown away no matter what. However, after seeing them in Erwin’s hand and coupled with how he had gone all out, exceeded his expectations, and worn a full suit, Levi couldn’t help but feel elated, his heart soaring because it was now even more obvious that Erwin was  _ definitely  _ taking this seriously. His earnestness was cute and endearing as always too, he thought, as was the way that he blushed a little when he first caught sight of him and continued to walk forward. 

“Levi.” He said, smiling despite the redness on his face and holding the flowers out to him anyway. “These are for you.”

“You didn’t have to bring these...” Levi mumbled immediately, wanting to be polite despite how pleased he actually was by the gift. 

Swallowing, he reached out to take the bouquet in his hands anyway, feeling a bit bashful for some reason as he looked up at Erwin across from him. By then, he’d thought most of that had gone, as although they’d both continued to experience it in small amounts since they’d confessed their feelings, it had gotten better and better every day, as they grew more comfortable in interacting with each other romantically rather than in just a friendly manner. 

He’d decided it probably made sense that it might take some time getting used to things like that since their relationship hadn’t started out that way, but at that point, for the most part things had started to feel more natural between them, and there was no more hesitance or self-consciousness, really, when they went to kiss or anything like that. Now, though, it seemed apparent that a bit of that shyness had returned, but Levi chalked that up to the fact that this was such a big night and so much importance had been placed on it. Still, that didn’t mean it was going to keep them from doing anything, apparently, as Levi found himself pleased all over again when Erwin bent to kiss his cheek, moving himself to turn a second later so that he could meet Erwin’s mouth as he wrapped an arm around his waist. 

“I know.” Erwin murmured into his ear after he pulled away. “I wanted to. I know they’re not roses, but—

“That doesn’t matter.” Levi scoffed, angling his nose towards the flowers so he could take a whiff of them. 

“They’re actually from your yard. They’re chrysanthemums.”

“My yard?”

“Yes. I snuck them home with me last night. They’re a fall flower.”

“Fall?” Levi asked, his face scrunching up in confusion. “It’s still summer.”

“I know.”

“Shouldn’t they be dead, or whatever?”

“They weren’t dead. They just bloomed early.”

Pausing at that, Levi looked between Erwin and the bright, healthy looking flowers a few times before continuing, wondering what could have caused his garden to spring to life much earlier than expected. “Why?”

Taking a second to answer him, Erwin smiled, his eyes brightening again as he gazed at Levi. “I don’t know. Something about the weather, maybe. Or they’re just happy.”

At his words, Levi flushed with warmth instead of scoffing like he usually did when Erwin talked about plants like that, for some reason wondering instead if he was actually fucking right. The weather that summer hadn’t been particularly different than any other years before that, he thought, and he didn’t remember any of his fall flowers blooming early like this then — especially not as beautifully as these had. Obviously he was not an expert on plants, but it seemed to him that the only difference between years before was that Erwin was his gardener instead of Shadis. That said to him that the reason for the early bloom was because Erwin had taken good care of them and somehow coaxed them into flowering, which, he supposed, could be another way to say that the plants were...well, that they were happy. 

“Maybe” He muttered though, biting his lip as he averted his gaze to the side, for some reason feeling himself flush while thinking about this. “If they are, it’s because you made them happy. You’re the fucking gardener.”

“I hope that’s the case. I tried.” Erwin said, smiling wider before he dipped his head down for another kiss.

Feeling warm, Levi tilted his head up to meet him and they lingered like that for a few moments, their lips pressing together gently a few times until Erwin pulled away to just gaze at him fondly.

“You did.” Levi told him then, glancing at the flowers again and suddenly feeling sure of it. “Thanks...for giving them to me, or whatever. You look nice, too. You wore the pink shirt. And the tie. I thought you hated that shit.”

“I’m not fond of it, but I thought you liked this outfit. You seemed to. I hope I wasn’t wrong.”

“You weren’t.” Levi replied, feeling buoyant all over again because of the fact that Erwin had apparently just worn the suit for  _ him _ . “It’s too bad I have to cook shit, or I’d drag you back to the couch again.” 

Erwin laughed at Levi's reference to what had basically become their make out spot, a pleased sound that was just as delightful to Levi as the pink flush over his cheekbones was. Turning to head inside, he glanced over his shoulder when Erwin automatically followed him and grabbed at his head, giving it a squeeze that was accompanied by a playful, now familiar looking smile that made Levi sure that whatever he was about to say next would be coy.

“Later.” He told him as he expected, the warm hint to his voice causing Levi’s heart to skip an excited beat even as he led Erwin to the kitchen. 

Nodding in response too, Levi immediately went to work on finding a vase to put the flowers in once they reached it, looking through his cabinets while Erwin stopped to take his usual seat at the island. While he got comfortable, Levi found what he needed and filled it with water, heading into the dining room for a brief moment next to place it on the table in there. He'd already set it for dinner as formally as he could that afternoon, and had planned to just light a candle in the center because he didn't have any other type of decoration. Now, however, he could use the flowers Erwin had brought him, as they looked a lot nicer and just added to the overall warm atmosphere that he’d tried to create in the room. Once he was done with that, he went back to resume prepping his dessert, throwing his apron back on before he paused because he'd nearly forgotten to offer Erwin a drink. 

“Do you want some wine?” He asked at the realization, grabbing the bottle he'd set aside for that night — a rather expensive one that he'd splurged on and ordered when he’d placed his grocery delivery. It had been a spur of the moment thing, too, as he actually wasn't even sure if Erwin liked wine or not, but whatever, he thought, if he didn't he would just drink it all himself. “I have beer too. Or bourbon.”

“I'll take the wine, but if you're trying to impress me with it I'm afraid I won't know whether I'm supposed to be or not.” Erwin said in response, which caused Levi to huff a little in amusement. 

He went for his wine opener while he did so and gave Erwin a shrug, biting his lip as he got to work uncorking the bottle. “Don't worry, I figured you didn't know shit about wine. I'm only trying to impress you with the food.”

“Based on what you’ve got out here, I’m already impressed.” Erwin replied to his comment — which Levi had said in a teasing tone, as although he  _ did  _ want to awe Erwin a bit, he didn’t want to sound like a show-off — looking around the kitchen at all the ingredients and tools and small appliances he had out.

It was a lot, he thought, and he knew he was going to have quite a mess to clean up after he was finished, but right then he wasn’t worried about it, as he was instead just focusing on making sure that everything was cooked right so that he didn’t serve Erwin a burned dinner.

“We’ll see if it tastes right.” He said at that thought, while moving to pour Erwin his first glass of wine with a snort. “That’s what fucking matters.”

“I’m sure it will be delicious. Can you tell me what we’re having now, or is it still a secret?” Erwin responded, giving Levi a small smile from where he was seated. 

His words made him pause for a moment after he’d put the wine bottle aside, biting his lip like he was thinking about it as he went to finish slicing up his peaches from before. He hadn’t told Erwin what they were having all week because he’d wanted it to be somewhat of a surprise after he had decided, but now that he was there and their date had begun he supposed it didn’t matter anymore — especially because he was going to see what it was anyway once Levi started cooking.

“Yeah.” He said, picking up his knife. “There’s an appetizer in the oven. It’s an artichoke dip with gruyere.”

“That’s cheese, right?” Erwin asked, prompting Levi to bite back a smile.

“Yeah. It’s cheese.”

“It smells good.”

“Then for the main course, I’m making steak with a rosemary red wine sauce and roasted fingerling potatoes.”

Pleased when Erwin’s eyebrows raised at  _ that  _ announcement, Levi watched him carefully for the next few seconds as he continued working with the peaches. Obviously, he was unfamiliar with any type of dish like that which Levi had expected, but it was nice to see him react with a bit of awe at the thought of Levi crafting something so complicated. 

“That sounds fancy.” He said a moment later, smiling. “And delicious. I feel like I’m at a five star restaurant or something.”

“Yeah. You’re dressed like you’re in one too.” Levi replied, letting his eyes wander over Erwin again in his suit and tie.

“So are you. You look nice. I don’t think I’ve told you yet.” Erwin said. 

His comment caused a warm flush to creep up the back of Levi’s neck while he stood there, the sensation accompanied by a flicker of excitement too as he watched Erwin take him in right back. It was a bit thrilling to find himself under Erwin’s gaze like that, he’d found over the past week after learning for  _ certain  _ that Erwin was attracted to him — and that part of the reason why was because he was an older man — and apart from causing Levi to feel more confident in himself and in finding ways to lure that stare onto him, it always made him want to climb on top of Erwin or shove him down onto the nearest available surface. Unfortunately, he had not been able to do that yet, but it hadn’t stopped him from growing bolder in other ways every single day. 

“Thanks.” He murmured, ignoring the warmth on his cheeks too as he watched Erwin smile at him.

They paused in their conversation for a moment in which Levi let his gaze flick back and forth from Erwin’s face to the peaches, his chest feeling warm and lighthearted from fondness.

“So what are the peaches for?” Erwin asked, eyeing Levi  _ and  _ the fruit with interest. 

“Dessert.”

“What are you making?”

Levi paused for a moment before answering, using his knife to slice off a thin piece from the peach he’d been holding. “Bread pudding with bourbon sauce.”

“With peaches in it?”

“Yeah. They’re fresh.”

“They look juicy. Can I try some?”

Levi bit his lip at that, feeling a surge of excitement go through him at Erwin’s question. It was because he  _ was  _ going to give him some, of course, but the way he’d asked and the flirtatious tone with which he was speaking in somehow just made Levi want to do it right back. It gave him an idea too, and before he even knew what he was doing he was setting down his knife and holding out a single piece of fruit with one hand.

“Sure.” He said, watching Erwin look between him and the peach slice. “Lean over.”

Raising both his eyebrows playfully, Erwin paused for a single second before he smiled, shifting from where he was seated to place his elbows on the counter and lean across it. He looked at Levi and opened his mouth, and paying no mind to the way his cheeks immediately went hot, Levi swallowed and pushed the piece of fruit between his lips. They brushed across his fingers, naturally, when Erwin went to bite down, and it was all Levi could do to keep himself calm just from the lidded look he gave him as he chewed. 

_ Later.  _ He told himself, repeating Erwin’s words from earlier and trying to ignore the heat that suddenly twisted in his belly. It was telling him to kiss Erwin, he thought, to round the island and taste the peach flavor on his lips, but he couldn’t. He had to cook, and it was only the knowledge that they’d probably end up making out on his couch at some point before the night was over that allowed him to quiet the urge and continue.  _ Later. _

“Good?” He asked though, after he’d pulled his hand back and watched Erwin chew the peach.

He smiled and then nodded — his face a warm rosy color too, of course, as he knew exactly what he had just been doing by then — and it was probably a miracle that Levi was able to finish slicing up the peaches afterward with the memories of what had just happened swirling around in his mind. The way Erwin’s warm lips had felt brushing against his fingertips was particularly hard to not think about, as was the thought of what might have happened had he slipped them further into his mouth. Swallowing and forcing himself to focus, Levi gradually slowed his heart rate, but still couldn’t help himself from sneaking peeks at Erwin every other second while he continued working, finding himself failing to bite back a smile every time their eyes met and Erwin threw him one right back. 

His blue ones were bright, Levi saw, as he sat there, and remained that way while their chatting continued until the timer on his oven went off, the loud beeping signalling that his appetizer was ready. By then, he was seconds away from being done with dessert prep too, and he took a moment to reassure himself that this was all going well from the fact that his timing was still almost spot on. He only felt a bit concerned about it because after serving the appetizer he would have to get started on their main course, which would be the most difficult out of everything because he'd be  _ actively  _ cooking. He'd be at the stove and would need to be focused so he could move quickly from one thing to the other, and he wouldn’t be able to afford to let his attention wane lest something burn. That was probably his worst nightmare, he thought, but it also occurred to him that he wouldn’t be able to make sure that Erwin was entertained. Wouldn't he be bored just sitting there?

“You don’t have to sit in here if you don’t want to.” He said at that thought, wondering if Erwin was remaining just to be polite or because he wasn't sure if he could go wander around Levi's house by himself or something. “You can go watch TV or whatever with the artichoke dip.”

“It’s alright.” He said, smiling warmly from Levi’s words all the same while  _ he _ , in turn, raised a skeptical eyebrow. “I like being in here with you.”

“Oh.” Levi mumbled in response to that, swallowing and pausing for a moment to soak in Erwin’s words. “Are you sure? You’re not a fucking stranger here, you know.” 

Although Levi spoke a bit crassly as usual, it was his way of letting Erwin know that he was perfectly welcome to make himself at home — something which he probably should have made clear a long time ago given Erwin’s penchant to be overly careful about such things. Now that he had clarified, though, Levi fully expected him to get up and go do something else once he served him some of the dip until dinner was ready, but instead found himself surprised when Erwin simply shook his head again. 

“I know. I like watching you cook.” Erwin continued, his smile growing. “It’s like I’m already watching TV, in fact. You could host a cooking show.”

Snorting, Levi’s cheeks warmed all the same, his stomach fluttering too at the thought that Erwin liked him enough to want to stay in the kitchen with him even if he was just sitting there. By then, it shouldn’t have been quite as shocking as it had been a little over a week ago, but it still made him happy and almost gleeful to hear it, his heart urging him to walk all the way around his island when he served Erwin his appetizer to give him a kiss.  He did just that a moment later, after scooping a large portion of the artichoke dip into a bowl and lining a small dish with crackers, and to his credit, only lingered for half a minute once he pressed his lips to Erwin's despite how much he wanted to stay there for longer before he went to get started on their entrée. 

“You can have as much of that shit as you want.” Levi told him when he stepped away. “If you like it, anyway.”

“It doesn't have broccoli in it, so I'm sure I will.” Erwin responded, referring to a conversation they'd had that week where he'd informed Levi that broccoli was the only food he  _ really _ hated. 

He'd told him after Levi had spent nearly an hour grilling him on things he would and wouldn't eat when he was trying to settle on a menu for that night, which also happened to give him a sense of what kind of flavors Erwin was keen on. As he'd expected, Erwin had inadvertently let him know that he wasn't really familiar with gourmet-type dishes or what was considered ‘high end’ food, but seemed perfectly willing to try anything  — except broccoli dishes, of course. That was what had helped Levi decide to just make a fancier version of what was essentially steak and potatoes for a main course, as he could be sure Erwin would like it and at the same time introduce his palate to something more complicated. Then, he thought with hope, he could continue to make him new things to try in the future that he'd never had before, which would allow him to share both his cooking and his love of food with Erwin as much as he could. 

“It's good.” Erwin said then, interrupting Levi’s train of thought after taking his first bite of the appetizer. 

He looked pleased while he said it, of course, and was apparently already enjoying it so much that he’d spoken as soon as he’d tasted and while he was chewing, practically mumbling the compliment from around a mouthful of crackers and artichoke dip. The praise was welcome and made him feel nice even though it wasn’t entirely unexpected — not that Levi was full of himself, but he had been fairly sure that Erwin wasn’t going to  _ hate  _ it or anything because it was essentially a fancy cheese dip — but it was the way in which he all but devoured it that really made Levi happy. There was nothing better than witnessing how much Erwin actually liked his food, he had found over the past week, as although his compliments were sweet, it was easier to see the sincerity in them with how much and how fast he fucking ate.

In this case, it seemed like only a matter of minutes before Erwin had all but inhaled his first helping of the stuff and went for more, continuing to munch on it idly while Levi got back to work until he teasingly reminded Erwin that there was going to be more food to eat.

“Don’t fill up on fucking crackers.” He told him playfully, allowing his attention to drift from where he was now busy at his stove for just a single second. 

“I won’t, don’t worry.” Erwin responded, speaking in a way that suggested he’d  _ never  _ do anything to prevent himself from being able to taste and enjoy the steak and potatoes. 

It made Levi raise an eyebrow all the same, though, in a wry way because Erwin had scooped up more dip while he spoke, before he turned back around, smiling a bit to himself while listening to his crunching. It grew louder when after just a few minutes Levi heard him getting another bite too, but rather than tease him again about eating too much he just let him have at it. After all, it could never be a bad thing that he apparently liked the stuff  _ that  _ much, and so with the thought in mind that he wanted their entrée to be just as delicious, Levi continued to throw almost all of his focus into cooking it. He did well with that considering the feel of Erwin’s eyes on his back periodically was a bit flustering, and after a quarter of an hour that seemed to fly by, he somehow managed to finish everything even quicker than he had planned. 

Sometimes that could indicate he’d skipped a step or fucked up, but in this case he was sure he didn’t, as he’d triple checked the recipe every time he’d added something to make sure he had it right. The result of that was thankfully a good looking dish, he thought as he pulled his tray of potatoes out of the oven while admiring the steak and red wine sauce, and allowed himself a moment to be grateful that he hadn’t burned anything  _ or  _ ruined the sauce. He’d combined all of the ingredients and fixed it step by step and appeared to have prepared it flawlessly, and he had even managed not to avoid getting any splashes on his white shirt. He  _ was  _ sweating a bit, though, because of how much he’d been moving around, but after wiping his forehead with his apron he didn’t think it was bad enough to cause him to look or smell gross.

He would start to cool down now that he was finally going to be stepping away from the hot stove anyway, he hoped, as all that he needed to do next was to actually plate the food. That wasn’t something he’d have to rush through, but it  _ was  _ something that Erwin wasn’t going to see, as Levi wanted to serve him the final dish he’d cooked while he was sitting at the table like they were in a restaurant. It would feel professional to him and he wanted Erwin to be surprised at the final product too, as the presentation of a dish was just another part of cooking. It was important, he thought, because it was usually how people saw a dish for the first time before they ate it, and of course, the more appetizing and well done it looked the more hungry it made them. 

Sending Erwin off to the dining room with another glass of wine, Levi earned a bright smile from him first before he got started on plating. Thankfully, he had already planned out how he wanted everything to look and how he wanted it to be garnished so it didn't take him long, but naturally, now that things had calmed down in the kitchen, he suddenly started to feel a little nervous for Erwin to taste it. He hadn't really with the appetizer because it had been more simple, but this was their main course, the dish that mattered the most, and just because it  _ looked _ nice it didn't mean that it would automatically taste right. 

What if he'd overlooked the steak and it was tough? What if the potatoes weren't seasoned enough? He'd tasted one and it had seemed fine, but what if Erwin's palate was different? Levi had put so much into their dinner that he would be horribly disappointed in himself if it tasted like shit, and he'd probably feel like he’d failed and ruined their entire date, too. It was unfortunate that he had a sudden surge of thoughts like that because of how good he'd come to feel after the past week, but he couldn't help it, and he bit his lip while he continued to delicately plate the food. 

When he was done he appraised it and then spent several minutes adjusting things and scowling when he couldn't get it the garnish to look exactly right, but stopped himself from continuing to fuck around with it. That would be stupid and he couldn't spend all night in there doing shit like that, and besides, even if he  _ was _ nervous, he was also still excited, because if the dish  _ was _ good and Erwin loved it then he knew he'd end up feeling happy and proud that everything was going perfectly. 

Taking a moment to dart out of the kitchen so he could adjust his tie and check his appearance again, Levi then rushed back in to put the bread pudding in the oven. He set a timer and left it so that it could bake while they were eating like he’d planned, and once again, stood for a moment in front of where his two plates of steak with red wine sauce and fingerling potatoes were resting on the counter. Looking over his shoulder at where the entrance to his dining room was, Levi swallowed as if to steady himself, reaching down to pick up both meals before he moved to leave the kitchen. 


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shifting again, Levi first broke away to reach over for the remote so he could turn the damn television off, moving as quickly as he could so that he could then wrap one arm around Erwin's neck and grab at his shoulder with his other hand, nipping at his bottom lip as he tugged hard enough to pull Erwin toward him. As he did so he leaned backwards himself, and just like that, in one quick, fluid movement Levi found himself on his back with Erwin on top of him on the couch, the entire weight of his torso resting on his chest for a moment before Erwin caught himself.

As soon as he stepped into the other room Levi saw Erwin, of course, sitting in a chair at the right hand corner of his dining room table. He was sipping on his wine and glanced back when he heard Levi come in, an inquisitive expression on his face as his eyes swept first over Levi, and then towards the food. Smiling when he saw it, Erwin then moved as if to stand up so he could take his plate himself, only sitting back down when Levi immediately rebuked him with a click of his tongue. 

“Ah…” Erwin still said though, giving Levi an almost bashful look when he reached him and set the food down. “You don’t have to serve me like this.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Levi replied, next moving around the table to take a seat across from Erwin.

Before he even could, though, Erwin was standing up again to reach for the bottle of wine, grabbing it so that he could lean over to pour some in the glass Levi had put aside for himself when he'd set the table. 

“Wow.” He said while he did so, glancing between the wine and Levi's plates of food — identical to his own, of course, which was just out of sight — with wide eyes. “This looks...pretty.”

“Pretty?” Levi responded while lowering himself into his chair, scoffing at Erwin’s comment but feeling a hint of warmth all the same too. 

Obviously, he was referring to the presentation, and although his choice of words was a little amusing because of the slightly awed way he’d said it, it helped Levi to relax some after he’d nearly gotten lost in obsessively adjusting parts of it a few minutes ago. Still, though, that was only about the meal’s appearance; what really mattered, he knew, was what it tasted like. 

“Yes.” Erwin responded, getting situated in his chair again and giving Levi a smile. “I’ve never eaten anything that looked so nice. I’d feel bad about it if it also didn’t look so delicious.”

Biting his lip, Levi felt his heart flutter hopefully, and watched Erwin glance down at the steak and potatoes again while he unrolled the silverware Levi had placed out. He slipped the cloth napkin over his lap and slowly, Levi did the same with his own, unable to take his eyes off Erwin, however, as the anticipation and slight sensation of nerves built.

“Taste it.” He blurted when it seemed to reach a crescendo and made his stomach flip, unable to take the fucking suspense any longer when Erwin picked up his knife and fork in both hands and then paused. 

He'd looked up at Levi too as if he'd been asking permission or something — permission which he didn't need, but that Levi was all too willing to grant him. His heart pounded as he did so and anxiety made him tense up for a second, as although it  _ was  _ just about food, this felt like some kind of moment of truth, but he felt excitement too, and he couldn’t help but stare intently as Erwin shifted in his seat and went to do what he'd said. 

“Okay.” He replied quietly with another smile while he did so, looking at the steak for a moment like he was trying to figure out where to start before he moved to cut off a bite. 

Levi had made an attempt to do the same, had picked up his own silverware to start eating so that Erwin wouldn’t feel like he was gaping at him, but found himself frozen instead before he could taste one of the potatoes, biting his lip while his eyes just stayed on Erwin. Delicately, Levi watched as he used his knife and fork to bring a piece of steak covered in sauce up towards his mouth, his lips closing around it after a second shortly before he cocked his head a bit and chewed thoughtfully. The expression on his face made it look like he was thinking about it, which in turn caused Levi to raise an eyebrow. Usually, Erwin only waited a single second once his food had hit his tongue before he was smiling and telling him how delicious it was, and his change in behavior sent another wave of nerves up Levi’s spine. 

Did his pause — which was still going on as he continued to chew — mean that it was bad? Had he fucked up the recipe somehow? With thoughts of his entire dish going into the garbage can because Erwin would not eat it flashing through Levi’s mind, his heart began to pound for a different reason, a disappointed, crushing sensation of doubt beginning to build up inside him too as he watched Erwin swallow. Now completely sure that he’d fucked up somehow and Erwin was about to tell him why, Levi stiffened when Erwin glanced across him at the table next and opened his mouth, preparing himself to hear the worst as he finally began to speak.

“It’s delicious.” Erwin said though, speaking in a quiet, almost awed sounding tone that made Levi widen his eyes. He paused himself, too, and stared at Erwin while he made sure that he’d just fucking heard him right, and then felt an instant sense of relief rush through him that was so strong he nearly collapsed against the back of his chair. He’d tensed up without realizing it over the past few seconds while waiting on Erwin’s judgment, but now that he’d heard it and had apparently gotten everything all wrong like he always did, he felt himself let out a breath that he hadn’t known he’d been holding and relaxed as Erwin continued. “It’s good, just like I knew it was going to be. It’s so good I don’t think I can describe it.”

“Fuck.” Levi said then, all of the excitement and giddiness he’d felt because of how their date was going returning to him.

“I think I could eat this every day for the rest of my life.” Erwin continued while giving him a warm look — the result of a smile that had been growing on his face since he’d started speaking. 

Snorting, but unable to help the way his expression surely brightened, Levi watched as Erwin went to take another bite with an increasing feeling of gratification building up inside him. “You always say that.”

“I know, but it’s true. It’s amazing.”

“Uh…” Levi responded then, feeling his face now start to warm from all the compliments. “Thanks.”

“I really like the sauce. I’ve never tasted anything like this on a steak before.”

“How about the potatoes?” Levi asked after Erwin had quickly finished his next bite, realizing that he hadn’t yet tasted his side dish. 

Setting down his knife at the question, Erwin wiped his mouth again and then went to stab one of the small fingerling potatoes with a smile, bringing it up to his lips and only looking more pleased in the moments after he’d started chewing it.

“They’re incredible too. I like the seasoning.”

“Is the steak cooked right?” 

“Yes, it’s tender.”

“What about the potatoes? Are they too firm?”

“No, they’re perfect.” Erwin said, the smile on his face growing at Levi’s questions. “It’s all perfect, Levi. I don’t know how you make things like this.”

At that, Levi scoffed, averting his eyes for a moment because of how heat had flared up on his cheeks even more strongly than it had before. It was from how sincere Erwin sounded, he thought, and how much he really  _ did  _ seem to like the food, which at that point, was all more, more than enough to cause Levi to feel like he had actually succeeded with dinner. Sure, there was still dessert to go, of course, but he wasn’t too worried about that part of it, as the main dish had been the most complicated and time consuming and intense, and it was nice to hear that all the hard work he’d put into fixing him a filling, gourmet meal that they could eat together had actually paid off.

It was just nice to have another person in his dining room too, Levi realized after they’d exchanged a few more words and he eventually joined Erwin in eating, as he remembered how lonely he’d felt at times having meals in there by himself. Now, instead of sitting at his table alone in a big room with nothing but cold, empty silence and no one to present his cooking to, Levi had Erwin — Erwin whom he cared about immensely, and who was actually the very person he’d wanted to share all of this with the most. He’d been dreaming about it for what seemed like ages by then, in fact, and  _ still  _ felt a little bit of amazement that it was actually happening, but instead of struggling to believe it like he had after Erwin had first agreed, Levi just soaked in the warm atmosphere that his dining room had for once and the fact that they were finally on their first date. 

Even if it was just happening inside his house it still somehow managed to feel incredibly special, and now that he had finished cooking and could relax he was able to soak it in that much more. Because of that — and because of the wine, he thought, which certainly wasn’t  _ not  _ affecting him after they finished their bottle before eating — he felt so warm and overjoyed and content by the time they got to dessert that he was actually struggling to keep a smile off his face. That wasn’t usually something he had trouble with, but as he’d slowly learned over the past few weeks, Erwin gave him a reason too, and even more important that that, now made him feel comfortable enough that he even felt like he could show it.

That was a big deal for someone as guarded as him —  _ everything  _ that had happened between them was a big deal, in fact — and he felt lucky all over again to have found someone as understanding and trustworthy as Erwin was. He’d been so patient and kind to him even before he knew how Levi felt, even before that, too, when they weren’t even friends and he didn’t have to, and now that he had realized the romantic feelings it have given him were returned, Levi felt like his fondness and the attachment he felt for Erwin were increasing even faster than they had been before. 

It was probably something that should have scared him, he thought, because what if he...well, what if he _ fell in love _ and they broke up? What if they established a long-term relationship and in the end, it just didn’t work out? Those were things that could happen, he knew, but because he had decided a long time ago that the risks he’d wanted to take would be worth it if things went well — and now had proof that it  _ was  _ worth it too, as a fraction of the happiness he felt when he was with Erwin was better than the years he’d spent alone — he actually didn’t feel afraid. Instead, he just enjoyed it and did everything he could to make the most of the time he and Erwin spent together, which included quickly getting rid of their dishes after they’d finished eating their main course and dessert so that he could get everything set up for their movie. 

He wanted to continue doing as much as he could to make sure that their date was enjoyable and perfect, and after much consideration and research on the internet, he’d picked out a film that he hoped they might both like. It was a flick about a spy that was supposed to be well-written  _ and  _ have a lot of action scenes, and he already had it ready to go with just a push of a few buttons. However, before he started playing it he wanted to make sure that everything was just right in their viewing area, which included dimming the lights to a perfect level, making sure they had a snack — popcorn, naturally, in this case — and enough wine, and adjusting the pillows on the couch to make as comfortable a space for them to sit as possible. 

After that he grabbed a large blanket from his hall closet too and then paused to stare down at it for a second, biting his lip and wondering if he should grab another one for Erwin to use separately. If he just carried one in then it was obvious that he was looking to share it and to cuddle up with him underneath it, which was something that they hadn’t actually done yet. For some reason it seemed more intimate or whatever than just making out, too, which was ridiculous, especially because Levi had no reason to believe that Erwin  _ wouldn’t  _ want to share a blanket with him. In fact, he was confident that he would be happy to do so, which was why he only hesitated for a second before he decided to ignore his bashfulness in the end and bring in just one blanket. 

That’s what he’d been doing for most of the week and nothing bad had happened because of it yet, and so with hopeful thoughts of his and Erwin’s limbs intertwined together underneath a warm blanket, Levi made his way back into the living room. Immediately, the first thing he saw when he walked in was Erwin’s blonde head sticking up over the back of the couch crookedly, the position of it obvious from the way he was leaning onto a pillow. The sight of him sitting so casually almost made Levi smile, he thought, as did the way he’d all but sprawled out over the cushions with half of his legs hanging off the edge. Levi noticed it as soon as he rounded the couch, of course, raising a teasing eyebrow when their eyes met and Erwin gave him a lazy smile. 

“I’m stuffed.” He announced then, causing the air he was giving off to more obviously resemble that of someone who had just eaten a mountain of food.

Technically, Levi thought, he pretty much had, as he’d eaten most of the appetizer on his own and  _ all  _ of his steak and potatoes, and finished it off with two large servings of the sweet bread pudding and bourbon sauce. It was almost ridiculous how much he had actually put away, in fact, and although Levi had pretty much gotten used to it by then, he didn’t think he had ever heard Erwin complain about being  _ full  _ before. 

“Shit.” He said then, eyeing him with a snort. “I didn’t think that was possible.”

“It is.” Erwin responded in a low voice — one that somehow reflected the way in which his eyes were lidded. 

That — along with the slight redness to his face — made Levi pretty sure that part of his behavior was because of all the wine he’d had at dinner too, which caused him to shake his head teasingly and abruptly toss him the blanket. 

“I’m going to get the popcorn.” He said, watching Erwin as he shifted to sit up. “Maybe I should get you some water, too. You look like you’re about to pass out, for fuck’s sake. You should’ve told me you were a lightweight.”

Levi was joking — Erwin appeared to only be slightly tipsy at the most, which he couldn’t really say anything about as he was too — and felt his heart flutter when Erwin just laughed and went to tease him right back, shrugging off his suit jacket while he did so in an effort to get more comfortable. 

“I’m not a lightweight, but some water would be nice, actually.” Erwin replied, offering Levi another smile as he asked. “If you don’t mind.”

“I don’t. I’ll bring it with the popcorn. And I’m going to hold you to that lightweight shit one day. Be right back.” Levi responded, nodding when Erwin immediately thanked him before he turned so that he could make his way back into the kitchen. 

“I thought you said we weren’t eating anything cooked in the microwave?” Erwin called after him as he left, a question which caused Levi to throw him a look over his shoulder that made Erwin laugh.

He was teasing him, of course, but he wasn’t wrong either. Levi had said that the week before in Erwin’s car, but he’d been talking about their dinner. This was just popcorn; it was a snack and it wasn’t the same, and besides, Levi didn’t feel like cooking anything else after the hours he’d already spent inside his kitchen. He would have if Erwin had wanted him to, of course, but by then he was really just ready to sit down on the couch, to relax next to Erwin while they watched the movie so that he could get closer to him. It was something that he’d been looking forward to all night, in fact, and although he  _ did  _ want to pay attention to the screen too, he couldn’t help but think about what else they might get up to on his couch before the night was over. 

Both he and Erwin had teased each other with the promise of ‘later’ when they’d been flirting not long after he had gotten there, so Levi had no doubt that he was probably thinking the same thing too. After all, he obviously enjoyed making out with Levi as much as Levi enjoyed making out with him, but, well...was it possible that he was thinking about doing other things, too? Levi sure fucking hoped so because  _ he  _ certainly did, and had not been able to squash the dream that they might finally move past first base or whatever it was the kids called it now after they’d watched their movie. 

Not that he would be dissatisfied if they didn’t, of course, as he liked kissing Erwin, but he was also tired of jerking off, and more than that Levi just  _ wanted  _ him. It didn’t mean that they had to fuck and he wasn’t planning on pressuring Erwin to do anything, but shit, if it happened to  _ lead  _ that, or whatever, then he wasn’t going to stop it. Perhaps the special occasion that was their date made him hope that it would go forward in that direction more than for the past week and a half, as after all, it was some sort of milestone, right? He thought so, and since that was the case, wouldn't crossing another threshold just make it all seem more special?

_ Yeah.  _ He pondered while in the kitchen, waiting on the popcorn to pop as he got Erwin his glass of water.  _ But it's fine if it doesn't.  _

He told himself the last part because he didn't want to end up disappointed if it  _ didn't  _ happen, which would probably make him feel guilty, as that wasn't all he wanted from Erwin, of course. He wanted much more than that, in fact, and found their growing emotional connection to be incredibly satisfying — how could he not, when it left him smiling to himself in bed every night while thinking about him? — but he couldn't help his desires either, and it was probably telling that he fell asleep with happy thoughts of Erwin  _ after _ he'd spent the 30 minutes before jerking off or fingering himself while thinking about him in a different way. Still, though, he was determined not to make himself seem like nothing more than a horny asshole who was just looking for one thing, and forced himself to stop thinking about it so he wouldn’t walk back into the living room with a hard-on. 

It would happen when it happened, he thought, deciding to pour himself a small glass of bourbon to drink in an effort to steady himself. It would assist him in relaxing and enjoying everything that was occurring without the risk of wandering thoughts too — as long as he didn't get trashed, anyway — far faster than the wine would, and he made sure to gulp it all down quickly before he left the kitchen with their refreshments, ignoring how the liquor burned all the way down in favor of the pleasant, warm tingles that were spreading to his fingertips. 

Unfortunately — or fortunately, as it turned out — it also had the effect of making him braver and more forward. It was the first time that he'd drank like that around Erwin, after all, and not to mention the first time that he'd drank around another person in general in ages, and he hadn’t really known to expect it. If he had, he might have anticipated that it would make it harder to control himself, but he didn’t, and he didn’t even realize it at all until he was long past the point where the bourbon and all the wine he’d had were affecting him. 

By then not even half of the movie had gone by, but it was too late to stop himself from having any alcohol, and it was too late for him to not become fidgety and impatient to get closer to Erwin even though their thighs were already touching under the blanket and Erwin had his arm wrapped around his shoulders. In fact, almost as soon as he’d sat down he’d realized how hard it was going to be to wait until the film was over to kiss Erwin, as he really,  _ really  _ wanted to do so from the moment he’d squirmed closer to him, and it only got worse the longer they sat there. 

He couldn’t help it when Erwin smelled so good — he was wearing cologne, Levi thought, that was a lot stronger than what he usually had one — and every time he so much as shifted on the couch Levi got a fresh whiff of the scent through his nose, the richness and the hint of  _ Erwin’s  _ personal, now-familiar smell underneath always going straight to his head. That wasn’t the only place it went to either, of course, and it was distracting, just as the warmth of his skin and the firmness of his body through their combined layers of clothing was. 

If it all felt that nice while they were dressed, he thought, what would it feel like bare and underneath his hands? Levi wanted to find out so badly at times that he positively ached, and he struggled to focus on the movie while it played in front of them,  _ grappled  _ with his concentration so that he wouldn’t just twist all of a sudden to kiss Erwin and climb into his lap, but ending up so fucking distracted because of that anyway that he had no idea what the hell was happening on his television screen.

He didn’t care much if he was actually being honest, either, but Erwin did, right? The movie had been his idea in the first place, after all, and  _ he  _ seemed to be enjoying it at least, as he was staring raptly at the action and smiling every so often when something humorous happened, and Levi didn’t want to interrupt if this was important to him. That was probably the main reason he held back — it wasn’t that he thought Erwin  _ didn’t  _ want to make out with him or anything like that, not anymore — but...if they did get distracted couldn’t they just finish it later? Doing so didn’t seem like a huge inconvenience, not really, and that thought was what perhaps whittled down the last of Levi’s patience, causing him to shift on the couch just so the sides of their legs could rub together. 

It was an attempt to see how focused on the movie Erwin  _ really  _ was, he thought, as was the way he reached up to tug Erwin’s arm tighter around him. He did so by grabbing at his hand and then entwining their fingers, and squirmed again on the couch in an effort to get closer — being far more obvious in his movements than he probably need to be. Much to his delight, his change in position and the way he’d pulled at his arm quickly got Erwin’s attention, and Levi found himself the recipient of first an inquisitive expression, and then a small, warm smile when Erwin realized that he wanted to be closer. 

After that, he squeezed Levi from where he was tucked inside his arm and sank down lower into the couch, and seemed pleased when Levi took that opportunity to lean against him and rest his head on Erwin’s chest. When he did so, he immediately smelled his strong cologne again and found himself biting his lip while warmth suddenly curled in his belly, and resisted the urge he had to just bury his face against Erwin’s neck and inhale as much as he could. Swallowing that impulse down instead, he managed to stay still for at least ten more minutes in that position, enjoying the way he could now feel and hear Erwin breathing right next to him. 

It  _ was  _ nice, and he  _ did  _ like just sitting next to him, but it didn’t take long before he began to think of it as not enough — not when he was getting hornier by the second, anyway, as moving closer had, of course, done nothing to help with that problem. If they didn’t end up kissing then Levi had just engaged in the equivalent of shooting himself in the foot, but the alcohol had gone to his head by then, and he was too pleasantly buzzed and worked up on anticipation to talk himself down from searching out for more. 

Shifting again, as if to further entice Erwin’s attention, Levi first rubbed at the skin of Erwin’s palm with his thumb, letting go of it only a few moments later so that he could, without any hesitation whatsoever, slide his hand back down under the blanket to rest it on top of Erwin’s leg. He placed it there gently, of course, in a spot just behind his knee which was about as far as Levi could reach anyway, and tucked his fingers up under his thigh, biting his lip while he did so and using every single one of his senses to try and gauge Erwin’s reaction.

Unfortunately, with the way his head was lying on his chest, he couldn’t see his expression or anything like that, but he  _ could  _ hear his heartbeat, and Levi was nowhere near being incoherent enough to not notice that it seemed to race faster after a few moments had passed. In turn, the realization made excitement grow in Levi’s stomach, and whatever hope there had been left for him to calm down and go back to watching the movie evaporated. Instead, he stared at where he could see the outline of his hand on Erwin’s leg through the fabric of the blanket, and swallowed while he swiped his thumb over the top of it like he’d done along Erwin’s palm moments before. 

He squeezed him too — unable to help it, but not  _ that  _ hard — and then shifted against him on the couch, and realized his own heart had started pounding right at the same time as he was thinking about how thick and firm the muscles of Erwin’s leg was. Levi had touched him there during their make out sessions a few times before, naturally, but never for this long, and never when most of his senses were focusing on how it felt. Because of that, it wasn’t long before he became curious and was itching to move his hand elsewhere, and eventually found himself slipping it off his leg so that he could shift and lay an arm over his middle instead. 

The position that he then assumed — after again fidgeting far more than was probably necessary because he was enjoying how it felt to rub himself up against Erwin — was like he was hugging Erwin while sitting down, which was nice and cozy, he thought, but heated because his palm was now resting on top of his stomach. Through his shirt, Levi could feel some of the ridges of his muscles, and it was the memory of how his bare torso actually looked that caused him to rub his hand over Erwin’s belly in a slow, lazy manner. When he touched him like that, Erwin stiffened for a second beneath him, but his breath seemed to catch for a moment in his throat too which, right then, only indicated to Levi that he was affected by this in the same way he was. 

Biting his lip and feeling a thrill, Levi couldn’t keep himself from moving to sneak a peek at Erwin’s face any longer, and tilted his head up just a bit so he could meet his eyes. Immediately, he saw that Erwin was not paying attention to the movie at all, and had been staring at where Levi was touching him with a very obvious, very lidded expression instead. His cheeks were dark pink — as Levi’s surely were too — and when he realized Levi was now looking at him, he averted his gaze, his lids widening a bit as he visibly swallowed. 

“I take it you’re not enjoying the movie?” He asked in a quiet voice, the small smile appearing on his lips indicating that he was just teasing. 

“It’s hard to. You keep fucking distracting me.” Levi replied, his thumb running teasingly over one of the buttons on Erwin's shirt before he could stop himself.

At the feel of it, Erwin’s lips visibly parted while he went still again and froze, his eyes seemingly even unfocusing for a single second before he blinked and smiled at Levi again. “How am I distracting you? I’m just sitting here.”

Snorting, Levi lowered his gaze to where his hand rested on his belly before he spoke. “Yeah. But you smell good.”

As if to emphasize his point, he shifted like he was trying to get closer and pressed his face against Erwin’s chest, allowing himself to inhale his scent through his nose like he’d wanted to so badly earlier. Again, that plus Erwin’s warmth and the contact they shared almost made him feel dizzy with excitement and arousal — the alcohol didn’t help, either — and he moved again, slipping his hand up from Erwin’s middle to place it over his shoulder. 

“Ah…” Erwin uttered at that, tightening his grip on where he still had his arm wrapped around Levi while he tilted his head up further. 

If he hadn’t still been holding him like that and occasionally rubbing at his shoulder, Levi might have thought he wasn’t interested in what was going on right then. Instead of that, though, he just chalked it up to nerves or something else — Erwin had already exhibited to him that he had plenty of those by then about this kind of shit, so he understood — and kept going, sliding his hand over to Erwin’s neck so he could direct his head down far enough for him to place his lips against Erwin’s throat. He did it without hesitation and for once didn’t notice the nervous flutter in his own belly, and was pleased when Erwin dug his fingers into his shirt as if he needed to steady himself while Levi kissed him.

His breath seemed to freeze in his chest too, and urged on by by his own excitement and the heated longing now resting in his belly, Levi kissed his neck again, this time after parting his lips, and then moved them up to Erwin’s jaw, and then his cheek, and finally onto the corner of his mouth when Erwin turned his head to face him. After that there was a brief pause where their eyes met — Erwin’s a bit wide, Levi noticed, but not because of anything bad — before Erwin’s gaze lowered to Levi’s own lips, and then blessedly he’d pressed his against them, dipping his head down the rest of the way so that he could meet Levi in the kiss he’d been longing for the entire fucking night.

Practically sighing into it, Levi twisted towards Erwin, adjusting the way he was sitting on the couch so that his knee was under him and he could push himself up to meet his lips easier. That way, he wasn’t having to half drag Erwin down to his height and he could kiss him more easily, and it provided him with a position to be able to press his hand against Erwin’s middle more firmly as well. He did so after slipping his tongue along the crease of Erwin’s mouth and Erwin responded by opening it, his own arm sliding down from Levi’s shoulders to his waist instead, matching the movements that Levi was now making with his tongue eagerly. 

It started out a bit slow at first, but it was...well, somehow sensual enough — or at least it was to Levi because of the build up he’d subjected himself to — for their making out to become more excited and heated after just a few minutes, the  _ want  _ that Levi felt causing him to run his hand all over Erwin’s chest, to squeeze at his shoulder and arm and to even cup his cheeks with both palms so he could kiss him deeper, knowing that he’d already touched Erwin like this before but now needing to do it while their lips were pressed together. 

It wasn’t that he  _ meant  _ to do it — his goal hadn’t been to try and get this to lead somewhere, after all, he reminded himself — but he was excited and Erwin was warm and tasted just as good as he smelled, and Levi had been so, so patient all week that it took all of his self-control right then to not just climb into his lap and start grinding against him. He wanted to, his hips even shifted a bit on their own at just the thought, but he didn’t want to pressure Erwin into doing something he didn’t want to. It was hard, though, to not believe that he  _ did  _ want to because of how Erwin was kissing him back just as eagerly, but he hadn’t made a move to take this past just making out since they’d first confessed their feelings. 

Levi just assumed that Erwin was nervous, or maybe that he was even sitting there thinking the same things about Levi — that he might not want it and he didn’t want to pressure him. After all, it had turned out that they’d both had the very same doubts about how the other felt before this, and it was certainly plausible that the exact thing was happening now. He didn't want to overstep, but if Erwin  _ was _ just holding back because he was worried about pressuring  _ Levi _ , then...well, there was no reason for them to only sit around making out like two teenagers, right? Not that Levi didn't enjoy that, though, because he did, but  _ fuck  _ he wanted to feel Erwin's bare skin with his fingertips, to run his hands over his stomach  _ without _ his shirt on — even if it was just for a second — and would trying it to see what happens really he such a bad idea?

It was hard to convince himself that it wasn't when Erwin was kissing him back with seemingly the same amount of eagerness, and when he'd rested his free hand on Levi's knee like Levi had done to  _ him _ earlier. By then their excited movements had dislodged the blanket from their laps and caused it to fall onto the floor, and even if Levi didn't want it to lead somewhere, the feeling between them seemed to suggest that it was. It was different than normal, he realized, more heated and electric because of the insistent and purposeful movements of their hands and mouths, and once Erwin's fingers drifted down lower beneath his waist to ghost over the belt he wore, Levi couldn't find any reason to not take a chance on what he wanted any longer. 

Shifting again, he first broke away to reach over for the remote so he could turn the damn television off, moving as quickly as he could so that he could then wrap one arm around Erwin's neck and grab at his shoulder with his other hand, nipping at his bottom lip as he tugged hard enough to pull Erwin toward him. As he did so he leaned backwards himself, and just like that, in one quick, fluid movement Levi found himself on his back with Erwin on top of him on the couch, the entire weight of his torso resting on his chest for a moment before Erwin caught himself. 

Doing so had seemed less aggressive than just climbing over to straddle Erwin’s thighs, he’d thought, and just the feeling of it, of the sensation of lying beneath Erwin's large bulk while they were pressed together far more firmly than they'd ever been, was enough to make Levi exhale in something like pleasure before he could help it. Aiming to breath into Erwin's mouth and to keep kissing him deeply like he had been before, Levi tilted his head back with his lips parted, his eyes opening just long enough for him to see that Erwin was nowhere near close enough for him to do so. 

By then, he'd braced himself with one elbow and was looking down at Levi with wide, bright eyes and a surprised expression, and had gone rigid all over like he had periodically when Levi had started touching him on the couch. Unlike that time, though, he did not relax, and the tension he felt in Erwin's body — plus the uncertainty Levi had already been feeling about doing this — was enough to cause him to think that'd he'd immediately fucked up. 

_ Shit.  _ He thought, letting his arms slide from around Erwin's back immediately. Had he read everything wrong? Was it not just nerves that was holding Erwin back, but something else? Did he not actually want anything like this at all?

“What's wrong?” He managed to utter after a few seconds of anxious silence, silence where he forced himself to talk in an effort to try and save things from becoming awkward if he was right. 

“Nothing.” Erwin said though, blessedly, almost blurting the word out as soon as Levi had spoken. “It’s just...you’re...ah, I mean—

Levi’s brows drew down, his concern not entirely gone despite Erwin’s attempt at reassurance. “What?”

“You’re just…” Erwin tried again, offering Levi a small smile while his face noticeably went red and he visibly swallowed. “A lot.”

“A lot? What does that mean?”

“It means I’m…”

“You’re what, Erwin? Do you want me to stop?”

_ “No.” _ Erwin said immediately in response to Levi’s questioning, shaking his head too when he picked up on the stricken expression that Levi couldn’t stop from crossing his face. Although Erwin didn’t seem upset or anything like that, there was obviously something he was trying to say or explain, and the fact that he was apparently having so much trouble didn’t do anything to make Levi feel like he hadn’t gone too far. “I don’t want to stop. I just...I’m not sure I can do any of this right.”

“Huh?” Levi said at that, scrunching his nose up in confusion for just a second while taking in Erwin’s words. 

What the hell did that mean? How would he not know how to do it right? It only took a split second after those two thoughts had crossed Levi’s mind for him to realize the only real answer to that question, an answer which had his brows flying up underneath his bangs, an ‘ _ of course’ _ going through his head even as he felt an intense sensation of relief that it was just  _ that  _ rather than anything else he had done.

“Wait.” He said though, deciding that he needed things to be as clear as possible before he really let himself off the hook. “Have you not done this shit before?”

At his question, Erwin averted his gaze for a moment before he looked back down at Levi, opening his mouth for at least 3 seconds before any sound came out while his cheeks turned more red than Levi had ever seen them. “I have. With girls.”

“With girls.” Levi repeated while quirking one eyebrow, slowly bringing his hands back up to rest on Erwin’s shoulders near where they’d been before. “Only girls?”

Even before Erwin nodded in the affirmative, Levi was already sure that he would. After all, he thought, it didn’t  _ not  _ make sense given the uncertainty that he’d learned Erwin sometimes experienced around him and the way in which he’d yet to try anything, and because of his age, too, which made Levi almost curse at himself inwardly because really, he should have guessed. It seemed obvious now that Erwin had just admitted it, in fact, and it wasn’t that surprising at all, as things like that weren’t always easy to figure out until you got older. 

Levi had realized he’d only liked men when he’d been a teenager — and by realized it, of course, he meant admitted it — but Erwin must have had a more difficult time. Hell, for all Levi knew he still liked women even if he liked him, a  _ man _ , as he himself had described him, which seemed like it would make shit even more confusing, but Levi didn’t much care if Erwin had mixed preferences as long as he liked him. That, by then, was undeniable, and even if it had been before that, Levi had shifted a bit beneath Erwin a few seconds ago and felt a very obvious, very  _ hard  _ piece of proof pressing against the top of his thigh that neither one of them could continue to ignore.

“Levi.” Erwin said as soon as Levi’s leg brushed against his erection. He uttered his name rather than answering his question, and his eyes had gone exceedingly wide again and his expression looked like he struggling with whether or not to feel excited, embarrassed, or both. “I’m—

“It doesn’t matter.” Levi interrupted him then, realizing that rather than making Erwin feel odd because of how surprised he’d been, he should only be encouraging him, and after a few moments where he’d fought to ignore it, Levi allowed himself to feel the surge of heat and excitement that threatened to overwhelm him when he’d first realized it was Erwin’s  _ cock  _ that was brushing against his leg. “Do you think I care about that shit? It doesn’t mean you won’t do it right.”

“But—

“So you’ve never had another guy beneath you like this before?” Levi continued, unable to resist interrupting him to keep going when Erwin’s expression seemed to relax a bit. 

“No.” He answered, in a voice that sounded slightly less uncertain than it had before. “I kissed a boy once in middle school, but that’s it. We didn’t talk after that.”

Clicking his tongue as if to chide whatever idiot kid had messed with Erwin’s feelings — he could imagine that whatever had happened hadn’t been an easy experience — Levi moved his hand so that he could rub at Erwin’s chest through his shirt, sliding his other arm back around his shoulders again to tug him back down from where he’d sat up a bit. He moved slowly this time, more carefully and more obviously than before so that he wouldn’t catch Erwin off guard again, as even though  _ he  _ hadn’t really thought he’d been moving exceedingly fast, it was easy to see why Erwin had stopped abruptly as he had. Levi didn’t want that to happen again — in fact, now he felt a bit bad about it because he’d probably overwhelmed him — but all of this happened to also be incredibly endearing and adorable to him, and it certainly had not lessened the longing he felt for Erwin like he had seemed to think it would. 

“Okay. So you’ve never had a boy touch you like this either, then?” Levi continued, pressing the heel of his palm firmly against Erwin’s chest, now slipping the fingers of his other hand down his back to caress him there too. 

In between their bodies, he shifted his leg in just the slightest to press his thigh up against Erwin’s groin, and bit his lip when Erwin’s eyes went heavy-lidded and his mouth fell open in response. 

“No.” He said too, in a low voice that was barely louder than a breath. He swallowed again — this time in a way that suggested he was wanting, rather than nervous — and his eyes lowered to take in as much of Levi as he could see while not shifting his position, returning his gaze to Levi’s lips a second later before he continued. “But you’re not a boy.”

“You’re right, I guess.” Levi responded, almost snorting in amusement until he remembered how his age was something that Erwin seemed to like about him. 

He’d admitted as much not too long ago, in fact, and because of that, Levi found himself realizing that his older age was probably a lot of the reason that Erwin had gotten so flustered too. Like before, though, like the other times that the gap between them had been brought up, Erwin’s fixation on it just made Levi feel more self-assured, made him understand that Erwin was deferring to him because he was only 22 and had no experience with this, and although he didn’t either with dating, he was at least confident that he could handle the physical aspects of a relationship as he had done that kind of shit before. 

“And I’ve done this before, so you don’t have to worry about it.” He replied to Erwin then, his fingers now moving to tangle in his hair. He felt incredibly excited again, he realized, beyond measure because of what he’d just learned about Erwin, and he was somehow even more pleased at Erwin’s reactions to how he was touching him now than before he’d known he was inexperienced. In fact, the thought that  _ he  _ was the first man Erwin was doing this type of shit with was, for some reason, incredibly arousing in it’s own right, as showing him what they could do, and guiding him and even teaching him, sounded like it would be a  _ lot  _ of fun. Of course, Levi was quite sure that he now needed Erwin so fucking bad that it would be good no matter what they did and how much skill Erwin had, and although it was getting hard to hold himself back again, Levi wanted to make sure he was reassured in that regard too before he continued. “But even if I didn’t know either it wouldn’t be shitty. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done. It would still be good because I like you, remember, idiot?”

Erwin snorted at Levi’s teasing — teasing that only made his cheeks flush hot just a little — and then gave him a small smile, a fond one that signalled to Levi he was starting to feel more comfortable already. 

“And either way, I’m pretty sure if you wanted to, you could make me fucking come by just looking at me hard enough.” Levi continued, biting back a smile when Erwin’s eyes went wide at that statement.

“Um.” He said, his own lips curving up in a sort of amused, awestruck and happy way. “I don’t know about that.”

“I do.” Levi said, pulling Erwin down a bit further so that he could press his mouth to his neck while he spoke. “You don’t know how much I’ve wanted you to touch me. My dick gets hard just from thinking about it.”

Like before, Levi started with just a light kiss, but then kept going when Erwin didn’t stiffen or anything and instead seemed to melt against him, making a choked off sound at Levi’s comment. He’d gradually been letting more and more of his weight rest on Levi while they’d been talking, he’d noticed, and whether he was doing it on purpose or not didn’t matter. Either way he was relaxed and comfortable and no longer unsure like he had been before, and delightfully enough, he leaned into it even more when Levi kissed his skin again more insistently, parting his lips so that he could actually mouth a trail along his throat wetly. 

He sucked at a single spot there too, albeit gently, and shifted his thigh again to put more pressure on Erwin’s groin, and nearly groaned himself when he heard Erwin exhale and felt him move his hips in just the slightest to grind against his leg. Beyond pleased at that, Levi kept mouthing at his neck and didn’t move his thigh, resting a firm hand at the small of Erwin’s back instead as if to encourage him. He wanted him to keep going, he thought, because although he’d been talking shit about Erwin making  _ him  _ come, right then that was actually the last fucking thing he was concerned about. 

Instead, he had decided as soon as Erwin had said he’d never been with a guy before to focus on  _ him _ , to make sure he was comfortable and relaxed and that he didn’t feel pressured in any way whatsoever. That way, he would hopefully feel more confident about all of this in general and  _ see  _ that Levi didn’t fucking care about how much experience he had, and would enjoy himself so much that it would drown out any nervousness he might have for next time. There would be plenty of time for them to fool around for real later, after all, and besides, even though Levi had thought he’d been desperate for some kind of release from Erwin earlier, now he found that showing Erwin something new and being able to see, hear, and feel every aspect of his response to it right then was just as much of a turn on as anything else could be. 

Mouthing at the top of Erwin’s jaw near his ear now, Levi felt a fresh surge of heated excitement go through his belly when he pressed his thigh up against Erwin’s erection again and he dropped his head down. His forehead landed somewhere above Levi’s shoulder — pressed into the couch cushion, like he couldn’t hold it up anymore — and he let out a shuddering breath, his hips jerking in response to the apparent stimulation on his cock from the friction. Rather than stop, however, like he had after he’d moved before, Erwin did it again, shifting so that he could grind himself against Levi’s thigh a bit harder. His movements were still a little hesitant, Levi thought, and slow and unsure, but he could hear Erwin inhaling and exhaling heavily from where his mouth apparently hung open against the pillows, and Levi did not think it would take that much more encouragement for Erwin to  _ really  _ let go.

“What about you, huh?” He said at that thought, murmuring the words into Erwin’s ear while he moved back against him as best he could. “You think I can make you come like this, with a guy for the first time?”

In response to  _ that  _ question, Erwin was, by then, apparently only capable of letting out a groan. It was quiet and muffled and so breathy that it almost could have been a gasp too, but it was still enough to cause Levi to have to bite back one of his own, the sound shooting straight to his own cock and encouraging  _ him  _ enough to reach down and grab at Erwin’s ass. He squeezed it, a bit more aggressively than he probably had intended, but he couldn’t help it, and luckily it turned out to apparently be just what Erwin needed. Making another sound, he rolled his hips more purposefully again, and again and again and again until he was effectively rutting against Levi’s thigh and jerking roughly in his arms. 

By then, Levi had twisted his head on the couch so that he could find Erwin’s lips, and was kissing him in earnest, licking into Erwin’s mouth and swallowing every gasp and light groan he let out in response to the pleasure he was feeling. Like that, they both lost themselves to it and to each other after just a few moments, their kisses becoming more messy and more desperate the longer that they continued to move against each other. Although Levi wasn’t able to slide his own hard-on against anything, he still found himself shifting his hips like he could, arching while keeping his thigh pressed between Erwin’s legs until they’d both established a rhythm. Just from that, just from the fact that they were moving together like they were in bed was enough to make Levi feel just as excited as Erwin obviously was with his frequent gasps and the ever-quickening jerking of his hips, and as the adrenalized pace seemed to turn into something feverish, Levi found his hands slipping down between their bodies with the sudden desire to get their damn pants out of the way. 

If he did that, he thought, then they could grind their cocks together in Levi’s palm and Erwin could be introduced to something that would  _ really  _ feel good, but the desperation and the way that neither one of them were loathe to stop what they were already doing made him fumble a bit, as did the apparent size and thickness of Erwin’s fucking bulge when Levi finally had the pleasure of brushing his hand against it. 

“Fuck.” He gasped out loud when he felt it, having been unable to really tell how big it was when it had just been pressing on his thigh. 

Now, however, just from one touch he suddenly knew that it wasn’t...well, that it wasn’t  _ small _ or even  _ average _ , and if there had been anything that might have stopped him from trying to get Erwin’s pants open before it had just gone out the window. Wanting to grab it now, to wrap his fingers around it so that he could feel the heat and thickness of it against his own palm, Levi’s breath hitched from the thrill that went through him as he moved his hand to grasp Erwin’s belt buckle. 

“Wait… _ wait. _ ” Erwin said from above him, though, gasping the word harshly, still rutting his hips against whatever of Levi’s thigh, hand, or fingers that he could reach in a wild, desperate way, and had Levi’s mind not been consumed with lust and purpose right then, he probably would have realized just what it was exactly that was about to happen.  _ “Levi _ —

As it was, though, Levi was too busy tugging the leather of Erwin's belt free from its buckle and imagining what his erection would feel like to think about anything else, popping open the button of his pants while his name was being choked out and swearing when Erwin thrust his hips into his palm and he was able to squeeze his cock. He did it without thinking and relished in the noise that came out of Erwin’s mouth in response, a noise that was followed by another plea for him to wait just as Levi was pulling his zipper open. Only then did he  _ really _ register what Erwin was saying and how faltering his movements had become, but by the time he realized why he was telling him to stop and he actually went to remove his hand to do just that...well, needless to say, it was far too late. 

Above him, Erwin suddenly stopped moving and went rigidly still for a single second, shuddering next and letting out a sound that was far louder than anything that had come out of his mouth before. It was muffled into the couch cushion, of course, but still noticeable, and although Levi had frozen to when he’d realized what was happening, it was that which made him move again, his own body relaxing beneath Erwin’s as he lifted his arms up to wrap them around his shoulders. 

Listening to him panting heavily from somewhere near his ear now, Levi further shifted to slip his fingers in Erwin’s hair, struggling to bite back a smile as the realization of what had just happened began to sink in: Levi, without meaning to, had just caused Erwin to lose control of himself and come in his pants. When he’d started touching him he hadn’t necessarily planned for that to happen — not that quickly, at least, and not before he had even been able get his hands on him, either — but he also probably should have gone a bit slower to ensure that he didn’t overwhelm him. 

He didn’t consider it before because it wasn’t like Erwin was a teenage boy, after all, overwhelmed by the slightest touch and his own arousal, but he’d already been flustered to begin with, and that coupled with the excitement he probably felt at doing that with Levi for the first time made it no surprise that he hadn’t lasted for very long. It had been pretty intense once he’d finally let go of himself too, Levi thought, and really he didn’t blame him, as he’d ended up getting carried away before it was all over with too just from how it had felt to be moving in a rhythm with Erwin.

“Sorry.” Levi heard Erwin utter then, the muffled sound of his voice interrupting his thoughts and causing him to twist his head to the side. 

When he did, he immediately was met with the sight of Erwin’s red, flushed face — he looked like he’d just ran a mile, Levi thought — and his mussed, out of place, and slightly damp bangs, and he was relieved to see that he was smiling a little even though he had just apologized, which was unnecessary. 

“For what?” Levi said, snorting, biting his lip while Erwin shifted over him so that he was propped up by his elbow again. “You don’t have to be sorry.”

“I just...didn’t mean to...finish that fast.” Erwin responded hesitantly, the way he averted his eyes for a moment suggesting that he was embarrassed.

That was stupid though, Levi thought, and untrue, and the last thing that he wanted Erwin to feel after everything that had just happened. His goal had been to get Erwin to feel good, and to help him relax and get comfortable and hopefully encourage him, and although that had obviously happened, Levi didn’t want it to all go away because he thought he’d fucked up by letting go a little too early. Luckily, though, his embarrassment didn’t seem that bad because the smile on his face had not yet disappeared, but still, Levi grabbed at his face anyway, bringing him in for a kiss and so that he could make sure he knew that he wasn’t disappointed. 

“It doesn’t matter. You think I’ve never come in my pants before?” He told him, after moving his mouth against Erwin’s lazily for a few seconds. “It felt good, didn’t it? That’s what matters.”

“It did feel good.” Erwin agreed, huffing a bit in amusement. “That was the problem. It felt too good, and you—

Erwin trailed off before he could finish, and Levi raised an eyebrow. 

“You’re just…” He started again, pausing for just one more second before he finally relaxed and blurted out what he’d apparently been trying to say this entire time. “Gorgeous. I mean, hot. Well, both really. And you were touching me. It’s almost too much.”

“Have you fucking looked at yourself?” Levi muttered, finding that it was his turn to feel flustered now even as he made a face of disagreement. 

“That doesn’t have anything to do with it.” Erwin replied, laughing a little as he leaned forward to kiss Levi again. 

He smiled into it and lingered there while Levi wrapped an arm around his neck, still nowhere near tired of their close proximity and how warm Erwin felt on top of him. He wasn’t ready to get up yet and he felt flustered all over again at Erwin’s sweet words, as he was pretty sure that no one had ever called him  _ gorgeous  _ before. Erwin was fucking exaggerating, surely, but even so, that thought didn’t stop Levi from being pleased and flattered and  _ thrilled  _ that Erwin was apparently so attracted to him, as he, of course, definitely returned the feeling. Thankfully, he’d already explained that to Erwin in his own way earlier so that it was already clear, but even if he hadn’t, all Erwin would have to do to understand would be to shift  _ his  _ own leg an inch or so to left to feel the hard-on that  _ Levi  _ had.

It had softened only a little in the moments after Erwin had released on top of him, but once Erwin started kissing him again it almost immediately sprang back to life, and when he didn’t stop, whatever hope he had of not having to deal with it himself that night disappeared into thin air. It took him a bit to realize that Erwin was doing it on purpose, though, as he had just thought his kisses to be the simple, lazy kind exchanged after sex or whatever that didn’t lead anywhere. That was how it had seemed at first, but after responding to Erwin’s comment and feeling him smile against his mouth, he moved his lips more insistently, and then suddenly dipped his head down to place a soft, gentle peck against Levi’s throat.

He lingered there after he’d done it and brushed his nose against his skin, and seemed to be waiting to see if Levi was going to resist or something before he continued. He didn’t, of course, but only because the feel of Erwin’s warm breath on his throat had caused his eyes to go lidded, and he wasn’t entirely sure of what he was doing until he kissed him there again with his lips parted and reached down to try and tug Levi’s shirt out of his pants. 

“Erwin.” He said immediately when he felt it, shifting as quick as he could on top of the couch so that he could grab Erwin’s wrist with one hand and catch his gaze. “You don’t have to.”

“But I want to.” Erwin responded without skipping a beat, smiling again and dropping his head down to give Levi another kiss before he continued. 

It was enough to halt any protests that Levi might have had left, as...well, he wasn’t object to this at all, he just didn’t want Erwin to feel like he had to return the favor. Obviously that was what he was doing, but Levi still didn’t want to pressure him, and knew that no matter how much he actually wanted Erwin to touch him he could just go jerk off in the bathroom or something later. He’d become something of an expert on relieving himself quickly over the past week and a half anyway, but Erwin didn’t look like he felt pressured. He’d said so himself, even, and Levi believed that he was sincere when he said he wanted to do it because he was still relaxed and comfortable and obviously not rigid with nerves like he had been when Levi first started this, and as long as that seemed to be the case he didn’t think there was any reason to stop him. 

“Alright, fine.” Levi uttered then, the words already sounding strangled because of how fast excitement and arousal had suddenly shot through him all over again. It seemed to pool hotly in his belly and caused his heart to start pounding, and he felt his face flush when Erwin immediately went back to pulling his shirt out of his pants. “But you really don’t fucking have to if you don’t want to.”

“I know.” Erwin answered, his tone sounding amused from where he’d moved to press his face against Levi’s stomach. 

His skin was bare there now because he’d shoved Levi’s shirt up, and pressed his lips against a spot above his bellybutton gently. It was hesitant almost, like the first kiss to his neck had been and like he was making sure Levi liked it, but the next one was more firm and certain and the one after that was even more so, and with each second that passed, Erwin seemed to grow more and more confident in what he was doing as Levi’s breath quickened beneath him. It wasn’t that he was learning something new or anything, Levi thought, as he had mentioned that he’d done this with girls and wasn’t  _ completely  _ inexperienced, but he shifted as if he was getting a feel for it all over again — after all, there was still a big difference there as Levi was a man — his eyes bright and focused and staring at each spot he kissed, the way in which he did so somehow turning out to be arousing and fucking cute at the same time. 

He didn’t seem to be nervous or anything like that, but just in case he was, Levi had already started doing whatever he could to make sure he wasn’t, not bothering to stifle his gasps or how heavily he was breathing in response to the attention, and rubbing his palms over Erwin’s shoulders in what he hoped was a touch of encouragement. Fortunately, he wasn’t even really having to try to do that either, as he  _ was  _ enjoying it, as Erwin’s wet mouth on the skin of his stomach was causing him to squirm and shiver, his cock now feeling so hard in his pants that he was starting to ache. 

_ Shit.  _ He thought when he suddenly felt Erwin’s tongue swirl around his bellybutton. What was the possibility of him actually coming in his fucking pants too? Pretty high, seemingly, as he now felt so excited and strung so tightly with anticipation that he wasn’t sure how long he would last once Erwin started going lower. His hand was already close enough to his bulge to begin driving him crazy, in fact, as he’d placed a palm over Levi’s upper thigh at some point and left it there. It was a light touch, Levi thought, but just the  _ weight  _ and the  _ heat  _ of it in a spot that was inches away from his cock was enough to make him nearly whine for more. 

Instead of doing that, though, he just inhaled sharply when Erwin suddenly decided that he wanted to suck a mark into the skin of his stomach, and then bit his lip, watching with lidded eyes when Erwin then looked up at him to move his hand. He slid it up and over his thigh, Levi saw, and then right over where his erection was pressing against his pants, returning his gaze down to it at the same time as Levi exhaled loudly. Somehow he was able to notice that Erwin’s eyes went a bit wide while he was busy lifting his hips for more, finding, pleasantly enough, that it only took another second for Erwin to palm at him without hesitation.

“Shit.” Levi breathed at that, barely restraining a moan when pleasure suddenly flooded through his senses. 

“What should I do?” Erwin asked then, glancing back up to meet Levi’s gaze and looking everything like he’d just won the lottery or something. 

He appeared to be excited, Levi thought, if the set of his brows and how round his eyes were said anything. Even more obvious than that, though, was the way in which he was staring at Levi’s groin with a mixture of lust and fascination — from the newness of it, Levi thought — as was the slight upturn of his lips too, a small smile that was apparently brimming just below the surface and threatening to break out in a complete departure from the nerves he’d exhibited earlier. It was a good thing, obviously, and it made even more arousal and fondness rush through Levi all at the same time, and it was all he could do to answer Erwin in between grabbing him for a sudden, needed kiss and spreading his legs wide.

“Just use your hand.” He groaned, tugging Erwin up by the shirt so he could press their lips together hungrily. “Jerk me off. Come on, big guy, you’re gonna make me come fast too, I know it.”

Levi’s words were spoken in an encouraging manner, of course, meant to hopefully let Erwin know just how much everything he was doing was actually turning him on, and he wasn’t disappointed when it seemed to work immediately, and when Erwin moved to get his pants open as fast as he could. He, too, fumbled a bit like Levi had earlier, but unlike him, he actually succeeded in unbuckling his belt and undoing his button and zipper before it was all over. Not that it took that much longer in the end once Levi's cock had sprung free and Erwin had placed his hand over it again, though, because he hadn't been lying when he'd said he was probably going to end up coming fast. 

He'd been able to tell that it was going to be like that from the moment Erwin had started touching him with purpose, in fact, as every hint of his mouth and hands on Levi's skin seemed to set him on fire. It felt amazing and even better than he could have imagined — and he had imagined a fucking lot — and all Erwin had really done so far was just palm at him a few times. He hadn’t even wrapped his fingers around his cock yet, Levi thought, or even started stroking him, but already he felt on edge, his heart pounding in excitement from the promise of pleasure and every single nerve in his body seemingly poised and waiting, ready to feel whatever it was that Erwin would end up doing to him next. 

The anticipation of it was enough so that when he  _ did  _ move again — after a few seconds that seemed almost agonizing to Levi — to grasp him gently and wrap his large fingers around his length, Levi couldn’t control the way his hips jerked up, a breathy sound leaving his lips when Erwin then waited for just another moment before stroking him slowly. He did it once at first, and then again when Levi let his head fall back against the couch and closed his eyes, and caused him to bite his lip next when he suddenly pressed his thumb to the tip to make a mess of the pre-come that had beaded there. The friction to the head of his cock, even if it was just light, had Levi canting his hips up again for more, which Erwin thankfully gave him another second later by giving him a quick squeeze, his fingers tightening around him again before he finally started to jerk him off like Levi had told him to.  

“Like this?” He asked then, once he’d established somewhat of a rhythm with his wrist.

“Yeah.” Levi gasped in response, finding Erwin’s question somewhat amusing in the back of his mind. 

He was far too distracted to actually snort at it like he might have on another occasion, but he found it almost ludicrous that Erwin was asking when he already felt close to writhing. His heels had dug into the couch almost immediately when Erwin hadn’t stopped stroking him again and kept going, in fact, so that he could thrust up into his palm a bit, his breath coming in quick pants even though they’d barely just gotten started. What Erwin was doing to him felt so good, he thought, that he couldn’t help it, but really, he wasn’t that surprised. 

After all, Erwin had a dick too and presumably knew how to get himself off, so it wasn’t like he didn’t already know ways to touch Levi, ways to get him to turn into a shaking, moaning mess as it was incredibly likely that he already knew how to do that to himself. Still, though, his earnestness in making sure that Levi liked what he was doing and felt enough pleasure was endearing and sweet, and if Erwin needed more reassurance than his gasping and eager hips indicated then there was no reason that he couldn’t provide it. 

“It’s good.” He moaned then, reaching out to grab at Erwin’s shoulders so he could dig his fingers into the cloth of his shirt. “Fuck, it’s good, Erwin. Don’t stop.” 

Spurred on by Levi’s words, Erwin did not stop like he’d asked, and instead just moved his hand faster, tightening his fingers again in a way that made Levi gasp from the sudden increase in friction. His release was building by then, he felt, fast and hot, like he was a bowstring being pulled taut in preparation to unleash an arrow. Each second made his entire body feel tighter and tighter and his head more and more dizzy with all of the pleasure, and with every stroke of Erwin’s hand and responsive jerk of Levi’s hips, he struggled to catch his breath and became unable to focus on anything except for the coil inside his belly that was threatening to snap.

“I'm gonna come.” He blurted suddenly though, coming out of his haze for just a second when he suddenly felt Erwin place an open-mouthed kiss on his neck, unsure if he needed to warn him or not since he’d never done this before. Maybe he didn’t want to get a mess all over him or something, Levi thought, but if he didn’t, he probably needed to know when he was going to need to let go. “I’m gonna come.  _ Fuck.” _

In response to his cries, rather than balk or anything like that Erwin just kept flicking his wrist, giving Levi's cock enough of another squeeze to make him swear all over again and buck off the couch. Letting out a gasping moan, he arched and managed to catch sight of Erwin’s bright eyes pulling away to intently watch him as he suddenly reached down to grab his arm, his grip going ironclad without his permission from the intensity of what he felt and as if he feared he  _ really  _ would stop. 

Fortunately Erwin wasn’t going to, of course, but by then, even if he had it was too late, because Levi had reached the end of his climb toward the edge and let go in a way that made him feel like he had flung himself off of it, all of the tension and pleasure he’d felt coiling in his belly suddenly releasing in what felt like a warm wave of exhilarating bliss that crashed throughout his entire body. Letting out a groan when it hit, Levi trembled uncontrollably for what felt like several long seconds while his hips jerked even as he collapsed on the couch, his eyes remaining squeezed tightly shut until most of the intensity had faded and he was able to fucking think again. Opening his lids, he swallowed and panted for air, seeing Erwin still leaning over him right away with a smile on his face. 

He looked pleased, Levi thought, and still excited, and with a hand that was still a bit shaky, he reached out for him, grabbing at his shirt so he could pull Erwin back over him for a kiss. It was lazy in comparison to most of the other’s they’d shared last night, gentle but still firm, and Levi found Erwin’s lips to be sweet and comforting in a way after the forceful orgasm he’d just had — one that he immediately realized was far, far better than the dull, dispassionate and routine ones that he had been having with himself all week.

_ Thank fuck. _ He actually thought to himself then, feeling a muted sort of joy at the knowledge that they’d climbed another step in whatever their relationship was turning into that night, a step that made him feel even more close to Erwin than he had before. True, it had mostly played out physically but seemed to have just as much emotional importance as anything else too, because even if Levi was glad that he’d finally been able to have Erwin like that, he was also happy that Erwin had shared something about himself with him, opening up and letting Levi see, once again, that he could be self-conscious and doubt himself too.

This time, when it was all said and done, it had been because he’d apparently thought Levi would for some reason not want him just because he’d never slept with a guy before. That had to have been the conclusion of his anxious thoughts even if he had not specifically said as much, something that Levi didn’t doubt because it would have been what he might have thought, after all. Strangely enough, though, he hadn’t really feared that Erwin’s lack of attempting to touch him and shit like that all week was because he didn’t want Levi, which was a big departure in his line of thinking from how he had been just a few weeks ago. It was as if he was becoming more and more confident in himself every single day, in fact, because not only had he seen and finally let himself believe that Erwin didn’t care about his issues and had some of his own too, and that there were a few things that even someone like him — who Levi had always thought of as self-assured and not prone to becoming ruffled or flustered — would need guidance and reassurance from Levi for. 

Sure, Erwin was different in that he only seemed to require was a little encouragement while Levi’s problems were more complicated to resolve than that, but still, the fact that he could recognize some of himself in Erwin, even the tiniest bit, was enough to make him feel less like he was completely fucked up. It was probably even normal to have doubts like that to some degree, he found himself thinking too, which was something that he had forgotten as it had stopped comforting him a long time ago after he’d spent so much time alone and isolated and stuck with only his own negative, anxious, and frustrating thoughts. That was a depressing thing to consider, but rather than focus on it or let it get him down like it might have a while back, Levi just shrugged it off, as it didn’t matter now because finally, after weeks of progress, he was actually starting to truly believe that he didn’t have to be alone anymore.   

“Erwin.” He murmured at that thought, shifting from where he had been holding his arms around Erwin’s back to cradle his head. 

He’d laid it on Levi’s chest and closed his eyes a few moments ago while Levi had been thinking and basking in the afterglow, and he wondered if he’d fallen asleep for a split second when he didn’t answer right away and remained still. Then, though, he opened his lids when Levi tangled his fingers in his hair and shifted his head a bit at the sound of his name, moving it just enough so that he could glance up at Levi’s face.

“Hm?” He answered sleepily too, adjusting his arms from where he’d slipped them under Levi’s body into a more comfortable position. 

“That was good.” Levi told him without skipping a beat, only flushing a little when a soft smile appeared on Erwin’s face. “So was tonight. Good, I mean.”

“It was.” Erwin agreed, his eyes brightening from Levi’s words. “All of it.”

“Does that mean you want to do it again?” Levi asked next, feeling confident, finally, that he knew what Erwin’s answer would be.

“Of course. When?”

Levi bit his lip at that, knowing what he wanted to say — tomorrow, as he knew Erwin didn’t have to work and he probably wouldn’t see him otherwise, and he had agreed to watch the kids on Tuesday, which was Erwin’s other day off — but wondering if he should worry about it being too soon.  _ He  _ didn’t think he had to, he thought, or at least didn’t think that it would cause a problem if he just asked, but apparently that automatic voice of doubt that popped up was going to be hard to get rid of. Thankfully, though, even if it was still there he was confident enough in what Erwin’s answer might be to ignore it, and only hesitated another second, idly continuing to run his fingers through Erwin’s hair and those of his other hand over his back.

“Tomorrow?” He asked hopefully, raising his eyebrows when Erwin blinked at him. “We need to finish the fucking movie.”

Chuckling, as if he knew that was just an excuse, Erwin smiled and didn’t waste another second before he was nodding in agreement, turning his head away so that he could almost nuzzle it against Levi’s shirt. “Alright. I’d love to. But you don’t need to make another full course meal, you know. It seemed like a lot of work.”

“I don’t mind.” Levi responded. He was pretty sure that was the hundredth time he had assured Erwin of that, but whatever. He didn’t know if he wanted to cook that much again anyway so soon after what he’d done that day, mainly because he would be so busy doing it that he wouldn’t get to spend as much time with Erwin as he could. He liked feeding him but he liked hanging out with him doing whatever they wanted around his house too, but thankfully, he thought, there was an easy solution that he knew Erwin would go for and that he thought might be fun. “But maybe we can make some shit together instead.”

“Together? You’re going to let  _ me  _ cook with you?” Erwin asked at that, the tone in his voice letting Levi know that he was just teasing.

“Yeah.”

“Will I get to do more than cut up vegetables?”

“Yeah. I’ll get the fire extinguisher out so I can put out whatever fires you start. It’ll be fine.”

Laughing again, Erwin shifted on top of Levi once more to press a kiss against the cloth of his shirt. “Alright. What are we making?”

“Pizza?” Levi proposed next, as he knew without even having to check that he had all the ingredients and more to make a really, really good pizza.

He always kept the basics for that around for the kids as it was, but with all the extra, gourmet ingredients he’d ordered recently, he knew there would be more options for toppings and cheese and a chance to make more than a traditional mozzarella, tomato sauce, and pepperoni pizza. The thought of putting it together with Erwin sounded like it would be fun, too, and despite his teasing, he did not think that Erwin would have difficulty helping him with that in the kitchen. 

“That sounds good.” Erwin said in response to Levi’s suggestion, naturally, as he already knew that he would. 

He’d found out earlier that week that pizza was one of his favorite things to eat, in fact, because they’d spent so much time talking about food when Levi had been meal planning, and aside from knowing that Erwin would enjoy what they made, Levi now had hopes that he could come up with a recipe for one that would be the best pizza Erwin had ever had, too. 

“Okay. We’ll make a pizza and finish the movie.” Levi said, pausing while he bit his lip and contemplated on what  _ else  _ he thought they could spend time doing. “And then we can break in my couch some more like we did tonight, if you want.”

He spoke teasingly — implying, of course, that they repeat getting each other off again or maybe even more — and he felt a surge of anticipatory excitement go through him all over again when Erwin immediately agreed.

“I want to.” He said, his cheeks going a bit pink in the way they always did when they started flirting. “A lot.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Maybe I should bring a change of pants with me, then.”

“I’d rather you just come with no pants.”

Snorting at that, Erwin’s face went even more colored than before and he smiled playfully, sitting up onto his elbows so that he could look Levi in the eye. “Come to your house, or on your couch?”

“Either.” Levi replied, amused at his innuendo and unable to resist leaning forward so he could give Erwin a lazy kiss. “But preferably on the couch. Or in my fucking bed.”

As their lips pressed together, Levi could feel Erwin swallow thickly at  _ that  _ suggestion, one that for some reason excited him even more than the thought of repeating what they’d just done in his living room did. It wasn’t that he hadn’t enjoyed it or anything like that, not at all, but the bed would be more comfortable, and...well, he was pretty sure that the sight of Erwin lying naked on his mattress and tangled in his sheets would probably kill him. The image made his mouth go dry immediately, in fact, and he almost wished he could drag him up there right fucking then for more, but by that time it had gotten a little late and it was obvious that they were both getting tired.

“Go clean up.” Levi suggested to Erwin then, referring to the mess that he had surely made inside his pants when he’d come. “Before your underwear gets stuck to your dick.”

At that, Erwin laughed loudly and moved to get off the couch as Levi had told him, adjusting himself in an obvious way that let Levi know his crude joke wasn’t actually too far off the mark. He watched as Erwin made a face and stood up, not even bothering to button his pants back up or fix his belt from where Levi had nearly gotten it all undone, and then stretched, giving him a nice view of the perfect, well-defined, gorgeous hip bones that Levi thought about so often disappearing out of sight. As he usually did, Levi found himself thinking immediately about how much he wanted to touch them, but stopped himself at the last minute from reaching out, telling himself that he now new for certain he would have an opportunity again to do it tomorrow. 

Just knowing that was enough to keep his impatience and seemingly unbearable longing in check for once — the fact that he’d finally gotten at least semi-laid certainly helped with that too — and having  _ that  _ to look forward to, as well as just getting to spend a lot more time with Erwin all over again in general, made him feel content. Sighing and readjusting on the couch, he waited while Erwin disappeared into the nearest bathroom to clean himself off, planning to do the same to himself when he got back but not wanting to get up until he absolutely had to. He yawned while he sat there and right as Erwin came back into the room a few minutes later, snorting when Erwin caught the urge from him and let out a yawn on his own while he sat back down. 

“I’ll be right back.” Levi told him, giving him a quick kiss before dragging himself off the couch too. 

He’d gotten come all over his belly, he’d realized earlier, and it had soaked into his shirt by then and made it feel cold and clammy. It was disgusting if he was being honest, quite frankly, and had he not been enjoying Erwin’s warmth and company on the couch so much, he would have gotten up a long time ago to clean it off and to go change. As it was, though, he hadn’t been too bothered by it all that much until right then, but that didn’t stop him from taking his time in the bathroom to make sure he wiped off every last drop of the sticky stuff with a warm cloth, shoving it in his pants so that he could clean any mess that was still drying on his cock too.

Taking his tie off and leaving his shirt unbuttoned, he took a piss while he was in there and then washed his hands, heading back towards the living room once he was done. The knowledge that he was probably going to have to say goodbye to Erwin soon because the night was over was making him feel a bit melancholy, but upon rounding the couch, he instead immediately realized that Erwin had fallen asleep. He was partially laid out, in fact, with his feet still hanging off the edge but his head resting on a pillow, looking like he’d just zonked out or something after he’d sat down and ended up lying like that. His eyes were closed and his breathing was already deep and even, and Levi could tell from the lack of expression on his face that he wasn’t just resting his lids.

Stopping to stare because the sight was so unexpected, Levi felt his heart flutter at how fucking  _ cute  _ and  _ young  _ Erwin happened to look like that, and for some reason, the thought that he had basically passed out so quickly while Levi had left for the bathroom for a few minutes was endearing. It made him snort thinking about the possible reason why, too, because it was likely from his orgasm — or mostly, at least. He’d gotten visibly languid afterward when he’d been laying on Levi once he’d gotten off too, and although it wasn’t necessary unusual for a man to do that, it made Levi feel a bit satisfied that his pleasure had apparently been strong enough to make him nod off. 

There was no doubt that he’d done it on accident too, of course, as Levi could not imagine him purposefully following asleep like that while they were still technically on a date. Not that he cared or anything, though, because as far as he was concerned, the only question he had was what to do with him. Should he wake Erwin up? Should he see if he wanted to stay the night there, in Levi’s bed? That was the option that sounded the best to him, naturally, but he wasn’t sure if he should. If he did there was always the chance that Erwin would snap out of his slumber and just decide to go home, and although Levi wouldn’t hold that against him or anything like that or force him to stay there, he felt pretty fucking strongly that Erwin shouldn’t be driving if he was tired enough to pass out on his couch. 

It would be too dangerous, he thought with conviction, and not worth the risk because he knew firsthand how car accidents could ruin people’s lives and turn them into shit, and it was probably best that Erwin just get some rest before he headed home. Sure, Levi hoped that he’d still be there in the morning, of course, but that was only partially his motivation for picking the blanket they’d shared before off the ground to drape it over Erwin, pausing after he’d done that so he could take off his shoes gently too. He feared that he would wake him while he pulled them off his feet, but somehow didn’t, and then found himself biting his lip for a moment and wishing he could somehow curl up next to Erwin on the couch and just sleep with him there. 

It was a tempting thought despite the fact that he had a huge, soft bed upstairs waiting for him and they’d be crammed and uncomfortable on the couch, but there was no way he could fit himself there and slip under the blanket without waking Erwin up. Sighing to himself, he instead accepted that there was nothing left for him to do but go to bed in his own room, he waited another moment to take in Erwin’s soft sleeping face again before he bent to kiss his cheek, pressing his lips against his skin as lightly as he possibly could. When he was done, he made sure the blanket was up to his neck and over his feet and would keep him warm enough, and then turned the lights off all the way, taking one last look at Erwin over his shoulder as he left the room to finally head upstairs.

Fifteen minutes later, after brushing his teeth and stripping down to his underwear, Levi climbed into his own bed, squirming underneath his blankets to get comfortable. He closed his eyes and thought about everything that had happened that day with what felt like a warm, glowing ball of happiness swelling inside his chest, and felt an overwhelming contentment just from the thought that Erwin was asleep in his house downstairs. Eventually, he fell asleep like that, with the image of him snoring in his mind, and with dreams of making Erwin breakfast the next morning and drinking a cup of tea with him dancing around in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finger guns and walks away


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Within a second of him doing so, Levi felt one of Erwin’s hands quickly slide down his side to grip his waist, his palm stopping there so abruptly that Levi got the sense it had been heading even further south to grab at something else. Deciding to take a chance even if it hadn’t been, he moved his mouth over Erwin’s more insistently, letting go of his face so that he could wrap his fingers around Erwin’s wrist and jerk his hand down so that it was right over his ass. He held it there during the second that Erwin stiffened in surprise and then relaxed all over again, and only let go when he was sure that Erwin wasn’t going to panic or something and pull it away on his own. Delightfully enough, he didn’t, and instead just let it rest there, easing his way into grabbing it for real over the course of a few seconds in such a careful, precise way that Levi found himself almost biting back a small smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i edited this pretty quickly so please forgive what i feel like is probably a lot of typos

Although Levi had set his phone to wake him a lot earlier than normal — at 7:30 AM, instead of 9 o’clock — in an effort to make sure that he was up in case Erwin was, he found himself jerked out of sleep even earlier than that anyway at the sound of his house alarm going off. It started blaring at around 6:15 AM so suddenly that it scared the shit out of him and caused him to practically leap out of bed before he was even all the way conscious, confusion and panic sweeping through him while he looked around and tried to figure out what the fuck he was hearing. It was a loud, piercing sound, he thought blearily, one that was somehow familiar, but that also sounded like a car alarm going off inside of his house.

“Shit.” He swore out loud then, understanding as more sleepy fog cleared from his brain that it wasn’t a car alarm, but his  _ house  _ alarm, the realization of which had him blinking and grabbing at his phone as quickly as he could to check his cameras. 

_ What the fuck is going on?  _ He thought. Was someone trying to break in or something? What time was it, even? Should he get a bat? Immediately after he wondered, Levi remembered that he had left Erwin asleep on his couch the night before as he had gone to bed, and suddenly felt a good portion of his concern subside. A quick peek at the front and back entrances of his home helped with that too, and after deciding to forego the bat because there was no one outside and he now thought he had an inkling of what might have actually happened, he left his bedroom to race downstairs after that, practically stumbling down his steps in an effort to get to his security system as fast as he could so that the cops wouldn’t show up at his house. He had only a minute or two to turn the damned thing off before they were automatically summoned, he knew, and as he was quite sure that there was no danger and he wasn’t about to be murdered, that was the absolute last thing that Levi wanted to deal with. 

Thankfully, he managed to get there just in time to enter the code that signified there wasn’t an emergency before he would have to make an embarrassing phone call, and found himself standing in front of it for a few more seconds to catch his bearings, as he still felt half asleep, and his brief instance of near-panic had caused his heart to start pounding so fast he was almost dizzy. Huffing a breath, he felt his shoulders relax and his mind clear a bit, and it was then that he rubbed at his burning eyes and turned his head, looking towards the front door where he expected to now find Erwin.

Sure enough, he was standing there with wide eyes and an alarmed expression on his face, half twisted around to stare at Levi from where he had apparently been trying to get out of his house. Obviously, Levi thought, he had not known about the alarm, which usually wasn’t on during the day or even when Erwin stayed later into the evening. Levi only had it set to activate at night — starting at 11:00 PM and running until 8:00 AM — because he was always home during the day and wasn’t worried about intruders then, and it was a pain in the ass to turn it on and off every time he just wanted to go outside. 

He had never told Erwin about that, though, and Levi hadn’t even fucking thought about it when he’d gone to bed the night before and left Erwin on his couch, but he also hadn’t thought that he would want to leave so early either — especially without saying goodbye. Was he not comfortable being there or something?

“I’m sorry.” Erwin said then, though, as Levi rubbed at his eyes again and walked forward. 

As he did so, he watched Erwin and noticed him glancing down to stare at his middle for a few quick seconds with an odd but highly riveted look on his face, and that was when Levi remembered he was only in his underwear. Right, he thought, he’d jumped out of bed and been so startled that he hadn’t even thought about dressing himself before he’d ran downstairs, foregoing a robe or pants or whatever he might have grabbed if he had remembered he’d had a guest. Did it matter, though? Erwin had already seen his dick by then — something that he remembered with a small sense of satisfaction — and there was no reason he should be embarrassed, so he swallowed down what threatened to come up that would cause him to get flustered right as he reached Erwin.

“What happened?” He mumbled, frowning and only flushing a little at the way Erwin’s eyes lingered on his waist. “You trying to escape?”

“No... _ no. _ ” Erwin began, swallowing and forcing his gaze back up toward Levi’s face.

“But it’s six fucking thirty.” 

“I know. I’m sorry. I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep, and I didn’t know when you were going to be up. I didn’t want to wake you, and I also don’t know where your bedroom is, and I didn’t want to overstay my welcome or wander around upstairs. I have to go to the gym today, so I thought I could go ahead and go home and change and do that, and then shower and come back later. Is that alright?”

Levi stood there as Erwin explained himself in one long breath, speaking quickly with his eyebrows raised high as if he thought Levi was pissed off at him or something. He wasn’t, of course, he was just grumpy in the mornings, but it helped that he felt less concerned and more relieved that Erwin hadn’t been trying to go because of something  _ he’d _ done the longer he went on. His reasoning made sense — even if it was also silly because Levi  _ certainly  _ wouldn’t have cared if he’d gone upstairs to find him, nor did he think Erwin had overstayed his welcome — but he understood, and so after he finished, Levi just hummed sleepily and leaned in to hug him, hoping that the gesture would show Erwin that he wasn’t irritated at him for what had happened in the least.

“Yeah. Whatever.” He said too, fighting back a yawn and pressing his face into Erwin’s chest. His shirt was incredibly rumpled, he thought, and still untucked from his time on the couch, and he was carrying his tie and suit jacket scrunched up in one hand. It all brushed across Levi’s bare back when Erwin immediately relaxed against him — obviously relieved — and returned his embrace,  finding himself closing his eyes, enjoying how Erwin’s warmth permeated over his skin and made Levi want to curl up somewhere with him instead of letting him go to the gym. “It doesn’t matter. You can’t overstay your fucking welcome here, though.”

“I wasn’t sure. I didn’t mean to fall asleep last night.”

“Doesn’t matter, like I said.”

“I was going to text you after I left to explain. But then the alarm started going off, and—

“Yeah, it turns on at 10 and turns off at 8. I forgot about it.”

“I’m sorry. I wish I hadn’t woken you. I can tell you’re not used to being awake at this time.” Erwin said, his tone taking on a teasing note that indicated he’d noticed his slightly less than perky behavior, and that caused Levi to immediately open his eyes back up and scowl.

“Are you?” He asked back, after giving Erwin a mock frown that in turn, caused him to just smile in amusement.

“No.” Erwin answered. “But I’ve been up for 40 minutes. Your couch isn’t incredibly comfortable to sleep on, I’m afraid.”

Snorting when Erwin’s face took on something of a pout, Levi found himself raising an eyebrow next, placing one of his palms on Erwin’s chest while he gazed up at him. “Don’t worry. I’ll show you my bed later, and then that shit won’t matter. The next time you fall asleep on the couch you’ll know where to go.”

Although Levi was teasing him about the couch being the reason he planned on showing Erwin his bed, that was, of course, not the main reason that he wanted to take Erwin up there. Instead, it had everything to do with what they’d done the previous night and how Levi was already eager for more, and the fact that Erwin seemed to be too, evident from how he responded to Levi’s flirting both hours and hours ago and right then. Upon hearing his words, Erwin’s eyes had widened and his lips had parted for a single second as if he’d been surprised, but it had only taken another moment before his expression then changed into one of obvious interest. 

“Okay.” He said slowly, biting his lip while a smile grew on his face again and his eyes flashed with something almost mischievous. His reaction so far was a far cry from the nervousness he’d exhibited the night before when Levi had pulled him down on top of him, and the realization made Levi’s stomach flip in excitement, as the fact that Erwin already seemed comfortable and more confident already was promising.  “Are you just going to give me a quick tour of it, or will we be there for a while?”

“I dunno. Probably a while. My bed’s pretty big, you know, just like you.” Levi replied, feeling pleased when Erwin’s face almost immediately reddened.

He swallowed too, he saw, after his smile faded a bit — not because he was unhappy or anything, but because he was probably thinking about other things — and rather than respond out loud, he instead just waited a few seconds before he bent down to suddenly press their lips together. Levi wasn’t sure if he intended for the kiss to be quick or not, but either way, he couldn’t stop himself from grabbing Erwin’s face, cupping his cheeks so that he could keep him at his height and hold him there for as long as he wanted. 

Within a second of him doing so, Levi felt one of Erwin’s hands quickly slide down his side to grip his waist, his palm stopping there so abruptly that Levi got the sense it had been heading even further south to grab at something else. Deciding to take a chance even if it hadn’t been, he moved his mouth over Erwin’s more insistently, letting go of his face so that he could wrap his fingers around Erwin’s wrist and jerk his hand down so that it was right over his ass. He held it there during the second that Erwin stiffened in surprise and then relaxed all over again, and only let go when he was sure that Erwin wasn’t going to panic or something and pull it away on his own. Delightfully enough, he didn’t, and instead just let it rest there, easing his way into grabbing it  _ for real  _ over the course of a few seconds in such a careful, precise way that Levi found himself almost biting back a small smile.

First, he felt Erwin press his palm down just a bit more firmly over the swell of one cheek, the size of his fucking hand easily helping Erwin to cup it whether he had even intended that or not. If he had, though, it wasn’t like Levi minded in the least, of course, and so he stood up onto his tiptoes a bit and arched his back as if to show him, a movement which immediately caused his ass to stick out even more prominently into Erwin’s hand. It might have been comical how fast he then tightened his fingers into the skin a bit as if he was enjoying the curve of it if Levi hadn’t also felt a wave of heat rise up in his belly, but even if he didn’t laugh or smile, Erwin did a few moments later when he finally —  _ apparently  _ — worked up the nerve to give him one quick, full, rough squeeze. 

The suddenness of it actually made Levi have to reach up and grab at Erwin’s shoulders lest he lose balance, and before he could even snort or palm at something of his back or do anything else, he felt Erwin’s lips curve up into a smile in their kiss, a wide, delighted one that seemed to indicate just how much he apparently liked holding onto Levi’s backside. Obviously, Levi was glad for it of course, and amused at how pleased Erwin had become over it, but he also felt fondness for him and a hint of a thrill, too, the feeling going straight down to his groin where he had already started to struggling with half of a hard-on. 

“Pervert.” He teased then, deciding to pull away because of the fact that as far as he knew, Erwin was still leaving to go home. “You like that?”

Levi wouldn’t have any problem with him staying, of course, but if he wasn’t, then he was going to go back to sleep because it was still early as fuck and he didn’t want to get all worked up and have to jerk off at dawn. 

“Yes. I do. And I’ve just...been wanting to do that for a while.” Erwin murmured back to him, the smile remaining in his voice after he’d tugged Levi back in for another hug. 

He’d moved his hand and arms elsewhere by then so he could embrace him, and bent over to press his face against Levi’s shoulder — almost like he was bashful because of what he’d just admitted, or teasing him by acting so relieved at having grabbed Levi’s ass that he couldn’t hold his head up anymore. Either way it was amusing, but it also gave Levi a bit of satisfaction and happiness too, as any reminder that Erwin might want to touch him that badly was  _ not  _ going to make him feel anything less than glad.

“Yeah?” He replied then, raising an eyebrow and placing a hand at the back of Erwin’s head, letting his fingers tangle in his hair loosely. “Well guess what? You can touch it whenever you want. It’ll be waiting for you when you get back.”

“I’m going to be thinking about this all day.” Erwin murmured into Levi’s bare skin, his voice sounding more like a groan than anything else. 

The frustrated note of it — suggesting that he already longed to be introduced to Levi’s bed, and didn’t want to wait — was certainly something that Levi was all too familiar with. He’d spent weeks lusting after Erwin and struggling with what, at times, had seemed like a desire that would never be fulfilled, in fact, which had usually caused him to end up feeling defeated and irritable and exasperated because his own hand was never enough relief. However, by then, because of everything that had changed between them, Levi now knew that wasn’t true, and after what had happened the night before and weeks of pining, half of a day of waiting for Erwin to come back didn’t seem too bad at all.

“You poor bastard. I will too, but I’ll see you later. Just let me know when you’re on your way back, okay big guy?” He said, unable to help himself from rubbing at Erwin’s head as if he was trying to comfort him. 

He was doing it playfully, of course, because he was going along with how teasingly pitiful Erwin was acting, but he could tell that Erwin liked it too from the way that he went still, tightening his fingers around where he held Levi so that they dug into his bare skin. Then he was rubbing his palms across his back — slowly, and lingering in a few places to gently, carefully squeeze him — and turning his head to press a few gentle, careful kisses to Levi’s neck.

“I like when you call me that.” He murmured, in a way that nearly made Levi’s cock twitch in excitement, and that caused him to wonder for a moment if Erwin was going to end up staying after all. 

He seemed to be touching him more intently and like he wanted to, but before Levi could decide whether he should throw his control out the window or not as well, Erwin pulled away reluctantly and stood up straight, giving Levi a small smile that he found himself returning after a few seconds had passed.

“I’ll text you.” Erwin told him, giving Levi one more quick hug that signaled he was ready to go. 

“Okay.” Levi responded. He held Erwin tightly and nearly smiled again when he felt something  _ hard  _ poking him in the stomach from inside Erwin’s pants — now he had definite proof that he really,  _ truly  _ didn’t want to leave — but decided not to tease him about it this time, going up onto his tiptoes to give him a final peck before pulling away. “I’m gonna go back to fucking sleep.”

“Alright. I don’t blame you.”

“Have fun running on the treadmill, or whatever you do there.” Levi continued, snorting when Erwin laughed. “I’ll see you later.”

“I’m going to lift weights.” Erwin corrected him as he opened the door and stepped outside, turning to glance behind him when Levi moved to follow him but then stopped.

_ Shit. _ He thought. It was fucking bright out there. Squinting at the sun, he focused his gaze back on Erwin, biting his lip and unable to keep up his ire at how much it was burning his damn eyes from the thought of Erwin lifting weights. “Okay, whatever. Get someone to video you, I wanna see that shit. Especially if you’re sweaty.”

Laughing louder — either at Levi’s comment, or his reluctance to face the morning sun, or both — Erwin paused and then swallowed, moving back to give Levi what was probably his third last kiss by then, his lips lingering for a moment before he finally pulled away for good. 

“I’ll definitely be sweaty, and I’ll try.” He teased, waving as he turned to walk down the steps and back to his car.

Lifting his hand, Levi said his final goodbye to him too, and watched while he headed to his vehicle and climbed inside. Once he’d started it and was off, Levi finally turned to go back into his house, locking the door behind him and not bothering to turn his alarm back on before he made a beeline back towards his bedroom. Adjusting himself in his underwear before did so —  _ why  _ was his dick always so fucking  _ persistent  _ these days? — and crawling back underneath the blankets as quickly as he could, Levi yawned and then nearly sighed with comfort once he relaxed back into his fluffy mattress and pillows, and closed his eyes, his thoughts immediately going back to his interactions with Erwin a few minutes ago. 

Really, his mind hadn’t even had a chance to drift anywhere other than that considering Erwin had just left, but it was impossible for him to do it then, not when he was just lying there and able to reflect and he felt so happy. The touches and kisses and words they’d exchanged had left a warm, glowing feeling in his chest, and ignited a spark inside his belly too — one that he was sure wouldn’t go away until he had indeed introduced Erwin to his bed like he’d promised him later that evening. It caused him to feel excited too, and of course anticipation, but everything that had happened the night before and that morning just made him feel more and more fond. 

He liked Erwin so much, he found himself thinking then, in an amount that he wasn’t even sure he could gauge at that point. It had gotten even worse over the past week even though he hadn’t thought that was possible, and even if he could measure it, he was quite sure that his fondness would be off the charts. Everything about Erwin — and when he said everything, he meant  _ every little thing  _ \- was just so warm and sweet and  _ endearing _ that even the simplest of interactions with him made Levi’s heart swell so much that it almost ached. He’d felt that way before, of course, but it was worse now because they were spending so much time together, and the fact that he could now think about such things without there being a certain melancholy behind it anyway just made it even better too.

Before, he remembered, he’d moon over Erwin in his head and just experience hopelessness and dejection because of how he’d assumed his feelings would never be returned, but now he could bask in it and enjoy the incredible, uplifting happiness he felt whenever he was around Erwin, and rest in the lingering, warm afterglow of it that seemed to stay with him for hours after he had left. It was all nice to think about when he considered what a turn his life seemed to have taken over the start of the summer too, especially when it had happened because he’d asked Erwin out to dinner. 

He’d been terrified to do it, he remembered, and worried about taking the chance, but he  _ had  _ done it, and although that didn’t necessarily mean they wouldn’t have ended up finding out about each other’s feelings in some other way, he couldn’t help but feel a little proud of himself for what he had accomplished. To most people, it probably wouldn’t even have been that big of a deal, but to him it was, because he’d spent so long locked inside of a cage that he’d created for himself that he’d been petrified, and doing so had been akin to tearing the bars off of the damned thing without being ready. 

Thankfully, though, practically diving out of his tiny, restrictive comfort zone had paid off, and ever since then it seemed as if almost all of the remaining bars on his cage had come off quickly, as Erwin’s sincere affection and tenderness with him had made it easier than he’d ever thought it would be. His reassurance, too, and how much Levi had grown to trust him over the past several weeks — much of that bolstered from when Levi had left the house with him, because that had been another huge, incredible chance he’d taken — made him feel comfortable and at ease around Erwin too, as Levi no longer had to worry that he’d say something wrong, act awkward, or offend Erwin by accident and fuck everything up. 

Thinking about it and realizing just how happy he’d been lately never stopped making him feel glad, and because of that, he knew by then that he really,  _ really  _ did want this to last with Erwin for a long time. He’d thought that before, of course, and assumed that he would wish for that, but now he felt that there was no doubt in his mind that he wanted this to continue — not only just because being around Erwin made him happy, but because seeing how happy  _ he _ somehow made Erwin in his want and willingness to be around him made him feel even better. 

It was nice, and something that he wouldn’t have ever dreamed that he would have just a few months ago, but what did he do next to be sure that Erwin knew how he felt? Should he tell him? Should he ask him to be his boyfriend, or whatever? That was what you did, right, when you were just dating and wanted a real relationship? Levi thought that was how it worked, but he also knew they had technically only been on one real date since they'd discovered how the other actually felt, and he wasn't sure if that meant it would be too soon to ask. Thinking about it made his prior worries about being to over eager or moving too fast resurface, but then again, hadn't they known each other for a while even if they had only recently kissed?

Yes, he thought, because they'd been friends before. They were closer now, obviously, now that the guards they'd put up had come down, but it wasn't like they'd just met a week ago. Levi’s feelings for Erwin had started long before that, and from what Erwin had told him already, he seemed to have experienced the same thing. He also hadn't given Levi any indication that he  _ didn't _ want this to last, and hadn't he proven the anxieties that Levi had about all of this to be unfounded every single time? He had, but Levi supposed he would think about it later. He wasn't too sure that he needed to rush things as he was certainly enjoying what they were doing right then anyway, but it was just...well, he didn't want it to end, and he wanted to know if  _ Erwin _ didn't want it to end either. 

Falling back asleep wondering, Levi didn't wake back up for another three hours, this time opening his eyes when an annoying, persistent chiming sound drew him out of consciousness. It was his phone, he realized as he came out of sleep, going off over and over again because someone was apparently texting him repeatedly. Huffing in irritation because of  _ another  _ disruption interrupting his rest — only because he had a feeling who it was this time, though, and that it wasn't Erwin — Levi snatched his cell off his bedside table, squinting through eyes that were still heavy with sleep while he fumbled to unlock his screen. 

_ Fucking Hange.  _ He thought when, sure enough, that was the person who was currently flooding his inbox with text messages. While scrolling through them, he saw that they were basically saying the same shit as they had the last time Levi had talked to them — which had been almost two weeks ago, and was a conversation that he had started but actually hadn't finished. He hadn't forgotten, of course, that he needed to talk to them, he'd just gotten distracted every single day and hadn't gotten around to it. Feeling bad, actually, because Hange was his friend and had given him advice and he didn't want it to seem like he was discarding them because he was more busy with Erwin, Levi sighed again and laid his head back down onto his pillow, holding his phone over his face and going through the handful of new messages that he'd gotten in just the last minute. 

_ LEVI, ARE YOU ALIVE? _

_ YOU NEVER ANSWERED ME BEFORE!!! _

_ HELLO? _

_ CAN YOU TALK? PLEASE?!?! I MISS YOU! _

_ I HOPE YOU’RE NOT ANSWERING B/C YOU’RE GETTING LAID! _

_ hange.  _ Levi sent back then, his fingers moving quickly over the keys of his phone.  _ i’ll call you on skype in fifteen minutes. _

_ OMG. YOU’RE NOT DEAD! OK! _

Shaking his head at their usual over enthusiastic response, Levi finally rolled out of bed — it was now 10:00 AM, he  _ supposed  _ he should get up — and took a trip to the restroom, grabbing a pair of sweatpants afterward and pulling them on along with a t-shirt. Next, he trudged downstairs with his phone and into the kitchen to make a cup of tea and some spiced oatmeal for food, and ended up outside on his patio with his tablet and his breakfast in hand a few minutes later, deciding to eat and to talk to Hange out there after he’d checked the weather and discovered that it was surprisingly cool out that morning for being in the middle of the fucking summer. It felt more like spring, actually, when he opened his back door, and although he knew that it would end up hellishly hot by mid-afternoon, it was nice right then and he found himself wanting to enjoy the nice temperature while he could.

His willingness to sit outside like that was helped by the fact that his yard was no longer a complete disaster from the fallen tree too, as the wood was gone by then and Erwin had laid down new grass over the spots where it had gotten ripped up before. The flowerbeds were still bare, though, from where he’d removed the crushed plants, and the fence and the concrete around his pool had not been repaired yet, but it had all been cleaned up as much as possible and he knew that Erwin had a plan to fix the remaining damage. By then, most of his concern about that had faded into just mild annoyance that it had happened in the first place because he didn’t like dealing with it, but whatever, his focus had moved onto other, more important things days and days ago, and it was hard to let it bother him when the atmosphere outside was already so nice.

The sun was shining brightly but there was a cool breeze in the air, he noticed, along with the noises of birds chirping and leaves rustling in the wind. It was calm because it was still early — something that was aided by the clear blue water in his pool, and the sound of tiny waves lapping at the steps every now and then from the current created by the filter — and he took a moment to enjoy it, sitting there and eating his oatmeal until his fifteen minutes actually ran out, waiting until the last possible minute to call Hange because he knew the silence would be interrupted with their loud, excited screeching. 

Sure enough, within seconds after he had initiated the Skype call, their face popped up onto his tablet screen and they were shouting ‘hello’ to him, waving their hand enthusiastically and wearing a very keen, very knowing look on their face.

“So.” They said immediately, apparently not going to waste any time before they started questioning him. Shifting to sit with their hands in front of them as they spoke, they interlocked their fingers together in a way that made them look like they were about to get started on some kind of interrogation, and eyed Levi sharply, their inquiring expression causing him to scowl almost on instinct. “How’s it going?”

“Not bad.” Levi answered, somehow managing to keep his expression completely blank. 

“No new developments to report on, then? Anything big happen in your life since we last talked?”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“Yeah. I guess you could say that there’s been a change.”

“You  _ guess? _ ”

“Yeah.” Levi shrugged, while Hange’s grin grew wider. For some reason he was finding it amusing to put up a front like this because it was _obvious_ that Hange knew what was going on, Levi stared at them for a few more seconds before he dropped it, finding that he _did_ actually want to share the good news with _someone_ he was friends with — something that was actually unusual for him — and bit his lip before he finally continued. “You were right, like I said. About Erwin liking me.”

“I KNEW IT!” Hange immediately shrieked in response, throwing one of their fists up to punch the air as if they were celebrating. 

Their excitement made Levi snort, actually, but rather than roll his eyes like he might have done any other time, he found himself hiding a small smile behind his teacup, feeling happy and uplifted and actually  _ glad  _ enough for himself for once that he couldn’t hold him back. 

“What happened?!” Hange continued, their grin now turning wolffish. “Did you fuck him yet?”

“No.” Levi responded, huffing in mock annoyance at their question — which, he thought, he was surprised they were just now asking. 

“Then how did you find out?”

“I asked him to eat dinner with me. I did what you said. Thanks for your shitty advice I guess, four eyes.”

At that, Hange shouted again, throwing both of their hands up into the air this time so forcefully that it caused the office chair they were sitting in to spin around. Levi watched with mild amusement as they were slowly turned away from him, raising an eyebrow when a second later, they spun back toward him suddenly by grabbing their desk and wheeling themself back in. 

“So he said yes? How did you ask him? When was the date, and how did it go?!” They rattled off excitedly, shifting to prop their chin up on the top of one hand. 

Their questions were just the first of many, Levi knew, and he had to pause for a moment to figure out where he wanted to start. He had a lot to tell them and he wasn’t sure how much he was going to share except for the basics, as Hange wasn’t someone he was usually comfortable letting his guard down around. A lot had happened, after all, that had to do with his personal feelings and anxieties, and those were things that he usually didn’t talk to  _ anyone  _ about — save Erwin, apparently.

“It’s a long story, Hange.” He said after a few moments, hesitating a bit.

“I know! I’m sure it is, probably because you haven’t talked to me in weeks!”

“Yeah…” Levi trailed off at that, feeling a bit guilty again despite the fact that it was obvious they were just teasing him. “Sorry. I was an ass. I wasn’t trying to ignore you, or whatever.”

Smiling widely again, Hange shook their head at that and waved his comment off. “It’s no big deal, Levi. You were dealing with other stuff.  _ Good  _ stuff, right? That’s what’s important!”

At that, Levi bit his lip, feeling a small, sudden hint of gratefulness towards Hange’s wildly grinning face on the other side of his screen. It was obvious that they were glad for him, he thought, because they had known him during some of his lowest moments before he’d met Erwin. Sure, they were strange and nosier than he liked and sometimes overwhelming, but they had been a decent friend to him overall, and had provided him company when otherwise he would have had none. Even if it _was_ minimal, it was something, and he didn’t want to think about how much more miserable his last few years would have been if he’d _really_ had no one to talk to at all. Because of that — and because of how they’d helped to guide him a little bit in his relationship with Erwin  — he supposed that they deserved to hear everything, to know the full detail of all that had been going on with him in the past couple of weeks so that they knew they hadn’t been wasting their time.

Sighing, Levi took one last sip of his tea and set his cup down in resignation, leaning back in his chair and glancing back over to his patio door. His mind went back through the past weeks and over every single major event that had happened, remembering as he stared at the entrance to his house that it was where he’d been standing when he’d asked Erwin to dinner. That was where things had  _ really  _ started to progress, he remembered, as everything that occurred before that Hange already knew, and had all just led up to him asking Erwin out anyway.   

“I didn’t ask him right after you suggested that.” He started slowly, looking back to his tablet screen. “It was a while, kind of. I was nervous as shit. And scared, I guess, even though it’s stupid, but…”

Trailing off, Levi continued a second later and kept going, telling Hange about every single thing that had happened between the last time they’d spoken and that morning. Once he got started, he supposed, with explaining how he’d decided that he’d wanted to take the risk and how he’d somehow managed to ignore his fear, it became easier and easier to open up more, and although at times he felt his ears reddening and his gut twisting with a hint of anxious embarrassment, he eventually got through everything, ending his tale with how Erwin had seen him in his underwear that morning and planned to come back that afternoon for another date.

“That’s so great, Levi!” Hange crowed when he was done, looking like they’d been told some kind of fairy tale or something. Their eyes were wide, and they’d had an almost dreamy smile on their face since he’d told them about how Erwin had held his hand when they’d been inside the department store. They’d also reacted almost shocked at that, he recalled, as they knew about his issues with leaving the house and apparently had not thought that he would ever do so. Hell,  _ he  _ hadn’t thought that he’d end up doing it either, but he had, and now when he reflected back on it he supposed it hadn’t even been that bad. “He sounds like a great catch! I can’t believe he’s a virgin.”

“He’s not a fucking virgin.” Levi snorted at that, still feeling a certain heat go through him at the reminder of what Erwin had and had not done with other men. 

“He might as well be, as far as you’re concerned. I hope you have lots of lube. I have some recommendations for a few good ones if you don’t. You’ll need it, and you’re going to have to be gentle with him, you know, because his ass probably isn’t—

_ “Hange.” _ Levi interrupted at that, now scowling because although he’d shared a lot with them, that wasn’t something he was going to sit there and discuss because it was too fucking embarrassing and none of their business — especially because it had to do with Erwin, not him. He felt a little bad that they were even aware of  _ that  _ much regarding his experiences at all, but unfortunately, they had guessed that was the case when Levi had mentioned that progress on that front had been a little slow. “For fuck’s sake. I don’t need sex advice from you. I’m shit at a lot of things, but I think I can figure that out, okay?”

“Alright, fine. It just reminded me of the amoeba that me and Moblit discovered, because at first we thought it reproduced asexually, but now it seems that when presented with another of it’s kind in certain conditions it will mate in a very primitive way! It’s fascinating to watch, and I’m hoping it will shed some more light on the way that cells evolved to reproduce. There’s still so much we don’t know about that, and…”

No sooner had Hange gotten started talking about their amoeba than Levi was grabbing his teacup again, as he knew that it would be awhile before they stopped and he’d have a chance to get another word in. Not that he minded  _ not  _ talking — he’d talked a lot, actually, and was about ready to end the call so that he could have some time to himself — it was just that he had no interest in molecular science or whatever it was that Hange did, and didn’t understand half of what they were talking about when they got too into it and forgot they weren’t talking to one of their co-workers. 

Sighing, though, he let them drone on for a while without interruption, as they had listened to him talk about Erwin for about twenty minutes, and it was only fair that he let them explain what had been going on in their life too. Apparently, it had just been research and research and more research learning every single thing they could about this one amoeba, and by the end of it Levi had almost started to feel sorry for the fucking things that were spending their entire lives shitting and fucking under Hange’s microscope. 

Whatever though, he told himself, they weren’t alive — or were they? he honestly didn’t know — but regardless,  _ he  _ was, and he was quite sure, for once, that he was glad to be, and that he actually had a legitimate reason to end the call and tell Hange that he would have to talk to them later: he needed to get ready for Erwin to come back that afternoon. Luckily, by the time he decided that they had finally caught him up with all the new developments surrounding their amoeba, and he let Hange know that he had chores and shit to do and that they would have to continue their conversation later.

“Alright.” They said in response to his proclamation, giving him a wave and a sly grin that had him predicting almost exactly what was going to come out of their mouth next. “Good luck with your virgin.”

“Fucking bye, Hange.” Levi said dryly at that, promptly reaching over to end the call on his tablet before they could add anything else. 

Gathering his things from where he’d been sitting out on his patio during the Skype call after that, he went back inside and got to work immediately on cleaning his kitchen, as it was still in a good bit of disarray after all the complicated cooking he’d done the night before. He’d thrown away all his trash, cleaned up the leftover food, and put his dishes in the sink before they’d watched the movie, but that had been it, and he had a lot of washing and scrubbing down to do before the room was ready for them to craft a pizza later.

Thankfully, it turned out that the mess wasn’t as bad as it looked, and it only took him about 45 minutes to do it all and then to set up everything he would need for that night, finding himself pulling out all kinds of ingredients that he thought Erwin might like for toppings and setting them aside on his counter. Once he was done with that, he made sure that his dining and living room were straight and clean too, putting away the blanket Erwin had used and fixing the pillows from where he’d laid on top of them all night. Then, after lingering for a bit because he realized he could still smell a hint of Erwin’s cologne on his couch, Levi went to take a shower and get dressed into real clothes — something more casual this time, as pizza night wasn’t the same as gourmet steak and potatoes night — and finally found himself staring at his bed, an anticipatory, excited feeling swelling up in his belly at the sight of it. 

There was heat too, of course, and lots of it, as his promise to Erwin and the  _ certainty  _ that they were going to be fooling around in it that night had been in the back of his mind all day. He felt like a fucking teenager or something, if he was being honest, but he couldn’t help it, and he didn’t care anyway because he was happy and was looking forward to it so much. Wondering if Erwin was going to be nervous again, though, he decided that it was probably important for  _ himself  _ not to be, which meant that he needed to do everything he could to make sure he was going to be comfortable first so that he’d be in the right mind to reassure Erwin.

He wanted everything to be perfect for the both of them, in fact — mostly Erwin though, if he was being honest — and so he started with changing his sheets to the cleanest set he had, one that he’d washed two days ago and had put away in a linen closet. They still smelled nice, he thought, but he sprayed them with some fabric freshener anyway, and fluffed all of his pillows, making up his bed neatly afterward and deciding to go ahead and draw the curtains in. Then, he found himself reminded of one of the ridiculous comments Hange had made while they’d been talking earlier, and wandered over to his bedside table, kneeling down to pull open the bottom drawer where he kept all of his  _ toys  _ and  _ condoms  _ and other things like  _ lube _ .

It was that which he pulled out just to make sure he had enough — not that he thought they were going to fuck or anything, but it was useful for more than that — after shoving aside the last piece of plastic that he’d shoved up his ass, the stupid dildo that hadn’t been big enough. Looking at it, he couldn’t help but wonder again if Erwin’s cock was bigger than it or not, swallowing down a hint of nervous excitement when he realized he had far more reason to believe that it was now than the last time he’d wondered about it. He’d felt his erection, after all, through his pants, and although Erwin had come before he’d been able to really get his hands on it and appraise the size, he had been able to tell from his bulge that it seemed promising. 

Hopefully, he thought, he would get his hands on it —  _ for real _ this time — later that night in one way or the other, and that was why he wanted to make sure he had plenty of lubricant. Thankfully he did — although he probably should order some more now that it seemed he might have more of a use for it — but after taking it out and then putting it back in his drawer, he realized there might be another problem: all of his condoms were expired.

_ Fuck. _ He thought, digging them all out one by one and carefully checking the expiration date on each, his frown growing deeper as it became more and more apparent he was going to come up empty handed. What should he do? Obviously, it didn’t necessarily matter, as there were plenty of things they could do that didn’t require them. They could jerk each other off again separately which would still be satisfying, but it was just...well, Levi really,  _ really  _ had wanted to lay down and be able to rub himself up against a pantsless Erwin as much as he wanted. He had no doubt that Erwin wouldn’t have a problem with such a scenario either, but as he well knew, the only safe way to do that would be for them both to wear condoms.

Unless, of course, there was nothing to worry about because they were both healthy and clean, but despite the fact that Levi knew he was, he didn’t know about Erwin. He doubted he wasn’t, honestly, given his experience level, but he couldn’t know for sure until he asked. That was something he had no idea how to fucking do, and besides, he didn’t want to put pressure on Erwin or make him feel uncomfortable by asking him that when they’d just now progressed beyond kissing. Obviously, he would need to find out at some point either way, but right then he wasn’t sure how and it seemed awkward, and the only other option would be to ask Erwin if he could pick up some condoms on the way over to his house. No, though, he thought, he couldn’t do that either, as it would possibly make Erwin feel pressured too, considering that requesting them usually only implied that they would be doing one thing that he probably wasn’t ready for.

_ Dammit _ . He thought then, biting his lip for another moment before he decided that it didn’t matter. Their night was going to be enjoyable regardless of what they did, and there would be plenty of time later for him to rut up against Erwin’s cock when they had condoms. For now, he would just focus on getting Erwin to feel good and comfortable again, and either way, he knew he wasn’t going to have any problem getting off no matter what they did if it came down to that. Just the thought of touching Erwin even fully clothed was arousing enough on it’s own, in fact, and so he gathered up the expired condoms to throw them away, scolding himself a bit though for not having thought about that shit sooner.

He would have to order another box at some point, he thought, along with more lube because he needed that anyway, but only until he was absolutely sure he wasn’t getting to ahead of himself with everything. That was certainly possible given how excited he was about getting to know Erwin better both physically  _ and  _ otherwise, and for all he knew, even if he had the condoms Erwin would end up coming in his pants again and it wouldn’t matter. 

Either way, their night wasn’t going to just be about that anyway. They were going to cook a pizza together and finish watching their movie, and Levi knew that would be just as enjoyable as anything else they could do, as spending time with Erwin in any way was enough to make him happy. Thinking that working with Erwin in the kitchen in particular was going to be fun, Levi fully expected that they would get started on that first, and decided to forget about everything else and make sure that he had everything ready. He’d put all of the tools and ingredients out that they’d need for it earlier, of course, but he wanted to double check, and as if he’d timed it perfectly, he was halfway down the stairs to do just that when his phone chimed in his pocket with a message from Erwin.

_ I’m on my way back. :-) _ It said, with the usual, stupid smiley face that made Levi’s heart flutter.  _ I’ll be there in about twenty minutes. _


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi moved his mouth along with Erwin’s, gently at first but then more eagerly when Erwin grew more insistent, and it became obvious within just a minute of their lips locking that Erwin had no intention of letting go of him. That’s what Levi began to suspect, at least — especially when he tugged him closer to hold him tightly, and then began to let one of his hands slip further and further down his back the harder that he kissed him. 
> 
> Remembering what had happened that morning, Levi had no doubt about where Erwin was wanting his palm to end up, and so before he could even stop and hesitate again Levi quickly reached back and jerked Erwin’s hand down right towards his ass. He placed it there and then let go so that he could slip his arms around Erwin’s neck again, cradling his head for another moment while they kissed and while Erwin gave him a gentle squeeze. Unlike before, he hadn’t smiled when Levi had helped him grab his backside, and had instead just moved his hands to start touching him instantly, his lack of amusement obviously only because he was now so focused and intent on doing it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR THE WAIT also i proofread this while drinking so. sorry if i missed anything

Levi did not get started on the pizza first with Erwin. Instead, he ended up embraced in much the same way that he had been that morning, distracted with what he had told himself to be patient for because they wouldn’t be getting to it until later that night. That was after Erwin had arrived at his house though, and after Levi had answered the door to find him standing there in jeans and another button down — the fucking flannel one Levi had bought him, of all things, instead of a fancy one this time. He had the sleeves rolled up and a white t-shirt underneath it, and seeing it so suddenly made Levi remember how ridiculous but endearing Erwin’s interest in it had been at the department store. 

He’d really liked the shirt, apparently, which was why Levi had gotten it for him even though they’d been there to buy dress clothes, but he had to admit it  _ did  _ look good on him. It fit him well and the pattern made him look handsome and more rugged, he supposed, just because of the things it implied, but still, even though he actually had no problems with Erwin wearing whatever he wanted to, Levi still couldn't help wanting to tease him about it like he had done at the store. 

“I didn’t hire any lumberjacks.” He said after he’d looked Erwin up and down, raising his eyebrow questioningly and pushing the door forward as if he was going to close it. 

Obviously, he was only joking and wasn’t going to slam it in his face, but even if he  _ had  _ been planning to take it that far Erwin stopped him anyway, laughing immediately and reaching out to catch it with his palm. He stepped inside too and smiled widely — his eyes bright with amusement — and leaned forward without hesitation to give Levi a hug once they had let the door shut. He wrapped his arms around Levi’s back and Levi threw his own around Erwin’s neck, returning the embrace just as enthusiastically and feeling pleased at how quickly Erwin had reached for him.

“Are you sure?” Erwin teased back, his voice a warm murmur in Levi’s ear as he spoke. “I heard you have quite the mess in your backyard.”

“I did. There was a tree, but some other hot blonde guy helped clean it up.” Levi responded, biting his lip as he spoke. 

Naturally, he flushed a bit too, but he had no doubt that the color that surely appeared on Erwin’s cheeks was worse. He could tell that he was probably blushing just from the way that he’d exhaled — a sort of amused, nervous sounding huff that thankfully, did not keep him from turning his head to give Levi a kiss. He smiled into it too, and Levi did not waste any time in moving to return it, unwinding his arms from around Erwin’s neck so that he could press his palms against his cheeks to hold his face. He moved his mouth along with Erwin’s, gently at first but then more eagerly when Erwin grew more insistent, and it became obvious within just a minute of their lips locking that Erwin had no intention of letting go of him. That’s what Levi began to suspect, at least — especially when he tugged him closer to hold him tightly, and then began to let one of his hands slip further and further down his back the harder that he kissed him. 

Remembering what had happened that morning, Levi had no doubt about where Erwin was wanting his palm to end up, and so before he could even stop and hesitate again Levi quickly reached back and jerked Erwin’s hand down right towards his ass. He placed it there and then let go so that he could slip his arms around Erwin’s neck again, cradling his head for another moment while they kissed and while Erwin gave him a gentle squeeze. Unlike before, he hadn’t smiled when Levi had helped him grab his backside, and had instead just moved his hands to start touching him instantly, his lack of amusement obviously only because he was now so focused and intent on doing it. 

His movements were still a bit slow and uncertain though, Levi noticed, as if he wasn’t completely sure how and where it was alright to touch him, but it didn’t take long with Levi’s encouragement — his own palms rubbing at Erwin’s shoulders, sliding them over his chest a few times too while nipping at his lips — before he’d seemed to have lost himself, moving his fingers all over Levi’s ass and waist and hips while they continued to embrace. Their kisses grew less controlled like that while Levi let Erwin’s hands wander wherever they wanted, and clearly, he thought, by then it was obvious that this wasn’t just going to end with them parting suddenly and then going about their normal business without anything else happening.

He could tell Erwin was excited and almost even a little antsy because of it, probably because of what they had done the night before and what they’d talked about that morning. The anticipation, apparently, seemed to have riled him up  _ and  _ made him impatient, but thankfully, because of the threshold they’d crossed not even 24 hours ago he was a bit more confident too, less hesitant in his movements and kisses and instead more certain and full of promise that this wasn’t just going to end right there.

“Ah…” Erwin still said though, almost as if on cue while Levi was thinking about it. Pulling away in the slightest, he looked down at Levi with his lips parted and his face red, his breath coming noticeably quicker than normal before he swallowed and his expression went a little bashful — just for a second. “Does your offer still stand?”

“What offer?” Levi murmured back, his heart skipping a beat in exhilaration at the thought of what Erwin could possibly mean.

“The one you made this morning. About...showing me your bed?”

“Oh.” Levi responded, anticipation now lighting inside his belly too, a smile even threatening to break out on his face from the certainty of what Erwin really  _ did  _ want — and just right after he’d gotten back from the gym, too. It made Levi happy to think about, his heart fluttering at the thought of Erwin being  _ that  _ excited to fool around with him again, and because he certainly wasn’t complaining either, he nodded right away, twisting his head so that he could mouth wetly at Erwin’s throat. “Yeah.”

“Is it good for now, or only later?” Erwin asked, both of his hands perched precariously over Levi’s waist. 

“It’s good for whenever you want it.” Levi answered immediately, lifting a hand to grab Erwin's jaw so that he could pull him into a kiss again. 

Apparently, his response had been just what Erwin wanted to hear, because his palms went right back to Levi's ass, his fingers digging in and then moving to grab at his side or even going lower to touch the tops of his thighs eagerly. The movements of his lips were even more excited than before, too, purposeful and quick, and with his heart pounding and his groin warm with arousal, Levi shifted to extricate himself so that he could lead Erwin upstairs. 

Before he could, however, he was stopped because Erwin had moved too, his lips and hands leaving Levi briefly so that he could abruptly bend over to wrap his arms around his thighs. Before he even realized what was happening, Levi then found him himself hoisted up into the air, picked up off the floor by Erwin so that they were face to face and had their chests pressed together. Automatically and so he wouldn't fall, Levi's legs moved to wrap around Erwin's waist, his hands going to his shoulders a bit more slowly too as he regained his senses. 

He'd lost them for a split second because he hadn't been expecting that, but amusingly enough, Erwin's eyes were just as wide as his had gone, the expression on his face making it seem like he hadn't even planned on doing it either. They were bright with excitement, Levi saw, but he recognized the beginnings of alarm behind his gaze too, and he imagined he could almost hear Erwin's racing thoughts, the concern that he'd just gone too far in his eagerness swirling through his mind. Obviously, though, or at least to Levi, that was not the case, as once the initial second of shock had passed and he'd realized that Erwin had just picked him up, all he felt was another jolt of renewed arousal, this one lancing through his belly like a hot lightning bolt and causing him to tighten the grip he held on Erwin with his legs and fingers. 

“Shit.” He breathed, biting his lip and shifting the tiniest bit in Erwin's arms, beyond turned on at the way he'd just lifted him up and was now holding him like he weighed nothing. “You gonna carry me up there, big guy?”

“I…” Erwin started, trailing off, still managing to look a bit unsure despite the way his eyes had gone lidded and how red his face was. 

“Come on, show me how strong you are.” Levi practically purred into his ear, pressing himself against Erwin as hard as he could and tightening his legs again. He all but squirmed again too, now feeling needy and impatient himself, as Erwin's sudden display of strength had just made him think about all the  _ other _ things he might be able to do with it. “I know you can handle it. What else do you lift all those weights for?”

Despite himself, Erwin snorted at Levi’s questioning, smiling and relaxing from where he had tensed up with uncertainty before — as much as he could, anyway, without dropping Levi onto the ground. A second later and he was heading for Levi’s stairs, one hand pressed into his back and the other gripping his thigh tightly, his fingers digging in from the apparent effort that it took to hold him. Levi could see the muscles of his exposed forearms straining, in fact, if he looked down, a sight which made his mouth nearly go dry. With another surge of longing, Levi dipped his head down to kiss at Erwin’s neck again, rubbing at his broad shoulders and back and his thick biceps, nearly groaning at the feel of all of Erwin’s firm, warm muscle and skin beneath his palms.

He was just so fucking  _ huge _ , Levi thought, and tall and built and bigger than him in every single way. For some reason, thinking about that was something that seemed to really get Levi going, and it was no exception right then either, especially when Erwin’s bulk in comparison to his was so obvious while they were pressed together like that, and when Erwin was holding him and his much, much smaller form up against him with a surprising amount of ease. He was straining to do it, Levi realized, as he could feel him tensing beneath him and hear his breathing — the sound of it growing heavier with every step he took towards the stairs — his determination still unwavering, though, and seeming to only grow the more Levi kissed at his skin.

Of course, that could certainly have a lot to do with the fact that Levi was very gently, very steadily rutting against him too, unable to help himself because of how much heated arousal had built inside his belly by then and how excited he was. His want was making him dizzy, in fact, growing stronger by the second the more he tasted Erwin and ran his hands all over him, and they made it only a quarter of the way up the stairs before Levi kissed him on the lips, the distraction halting him for a few seconds as he did his best to move his mouth in response before continuing. They were another quarter of the way up before Levi did it again, and finally at the top when he pressed his mouth back to Erwin’s neck to suck a mark into his throat. He did it sharply, grinding against him harder too and making Erwin gasp before he abruptly stopped, his feet remaining still this time even after he’d readjusted his hold on Levi and let his mouth hang open for a few seconds for air.

“I’m…” He started, looking at Levi and then behind him with wide eyes. “I don’t know where your bedroom is.”

“Second door on the right.” Levi replied, snorting a bit in amusement despite himself. 

He’d forgotten, naturally, in his excitement that  _ he  _ was supposed to be the one showing Erwin to his bedroom, but it wasn’t his fault. Erwin had been the one to lift him up and distract him, climbing all the way up the stairs himself before he too realized that he had no idea where he was going. He’d never been up there before, Levi remembered,  _ ever _ , and it was that thought plus what he realized had been the tiniest bit of bewilderment in Erwin’s expression that made him suspect he might have lost control of himself for a moment. 

By the time Erwin reached his room and stopped again in the door, his gaze immediately locking onto the bed before he looked between it and Levi a few times like he wanted to set him on it and climb on top of him but wasn’t sure if he should, made him positive, in fact, that he’d gotten too excited and carried away when he’d been supposed to go slow. Not that he’d gone crazy or anything like that, but still, writhing against Erwin while in his arms wantonly and sucking at his neck like he’d done  _ certainly  _ had not been a way to keep him from getting overwhelmed when he was young and inexperienced, as was the thought of crawling onto the bed with Levi without his guidance, apparently.

“Hey.” Levi said at that thought, feeling a little bad and hoping that he hadn’t made Erwin nervous again by being too eager. Squirming, he extricated himself from his arms so that he was standing in front of him again, swallowing down his arousal and moving to rest his hands gently against Erwin’s chest. Rather than grope him there like he had been doing a minute ago, he kept them still, watching as Erwin blinked and looked down at him after another quick glance around his room. “You alright?”

“Yes.” Erwin responded immediately, pausing as his eyes — still a little wide, and moving quickly —  wandered over Levi before focusing back on his face, the sight of it causing him to smile a second later as if he was steeling himself again from where he must have gotten flustered. He almost visibly untensed, in fact, and then swallowed, stepping forward to place his big hands reassuringly around Levi’s waist. “I’m fine. Why?”  

“Just making sure.” Levi said, his heart skipping a beat at Erwin’s reply.

Obviously, he’d been asking to give him an out, to check and see whether or not he still wanted to fool around with him right then because it had looked like he’d gotten nervous. He must have for just a second, Levi thought, but it was clear that did not want to stop or anything just because of that, as he now looked just as excited as he had when they’d still been downstairs a few minutes ago. The way he’d eagerly grabbed at Levi’s waist showed him that as well, too, as did the fact that his eyes had gone lidded all over again after he looked him over a second time.

“Come over here.” Levi said then, tightening his fingers in Erwin’s shirt so he could pull him along as he stepped backward. 

He did so because although he felt reassured enough that he hadn’t overwhelmed Erwin, he was still just standing there, and it was clear that he was waiting on Levi for guidance as to what to do next. Knowing that it was time for him to take the lead at that point, Levi sprung into action, ready and willing and determined to keep himself under control this time so that Erwin would remain comfortable and enjoy himself. That was what he’d decided to make this all about anyway, he remembered, and thankfully for them both, the thought still excited him just as much as it had earlier that day. 

"So here’s the damn bed.” He murmured, teasing Erwin and speaking as if he was giving him a tour because of his promise to ‘show’ him his bed. “You see it?”

“Yes. You were right. It’s huge.” Erwin responded, chuckling a bit.

“Good. That means you’ll actually fucking fit.” 

“It’s nice in here.” 

“Yeah?” Levi said quietly, having reached the edge of the bed and turned so that he could gently direct Erwin onto it.

He pushed his back as lightly as he could and eased him down so that he was sitting on the mattress, watching as his attention went from glancing around Levi’s room curiously to focusing solely on him again, the two pink spots on his cheeks darkening while Levi slowly pressed forward, placing a knee on the bed in between Erwin’s thighs to climb on after him. His movements eased Erwin into scooting backward to make room until his legs were hanging off the edge at the knees, and until he’d braced himself with both his arms by placing his palms on flat on the mattress behind him. It was only a second later before Levi had gotten him to lower himself even further and onto his elbows, however, because he wasted no time in adjusting so that he could straddle Erwin’s hips and seat himself onto his lap. 

“How’s this?” He asked as he did so, leaning forward to kiss at the corner of Erwin’s mouth while he watched him. Although he was checking to make sure he was alright again, this time he didn’t need to wait for an answer to know that Erwin was fine, as the enlivened expression on his face and the way in which he had grabbed at Levi’s knees immediately told him enough. “You good?”

“Yes.” Was Erwin’s response, uttered in a breathy tone while his eyes roamed all over him, his lids open wide and his mouth hanging open as if he was awestruck at the fact that Levi was currently sitting on top of him.

His obvious excitement over it was enough to cause Levi to bite his bottom lip, as he found it fucking  _ adorable  _ and arousing at the same time. Of course, he could relate as well, because from the moment he’d climbed onto him his groin had started pooling with heat again at how it felt to have all of Erwin’s bulk beneath him like that, his body thick and firm and warm between his legs in a way that seemed to set him on fire. Looking down at him, Levi was able to take in all of his features, having a perfect view of his now tousled blonde hair and the gorgeous lines of his face and mouth, his full lips parted and wet, already a bit swollen from all the kissing they’d done earlier. Stifling a groan, Levi couldn’t wait any longer to press his own mouth against them intently, shifting to finally close the distance between him and Erwin again while placing a hand over his chest. Immediately, Erwin responded, of course, closing his eyes and falling back the rest of the way onto the bed so that he was lying completely flat on it with Levi perched on top of him. 

Following him down, Levi leaned over and moved his mouth against Erwin’s, the kiss starting out soft and slow but quickly turning into something more hurried and heated. It wasn’t surprising, really, considering that was how it had been around the time when Erwin had hoisted him up into his arms downstairs to carry him there, but this time Levi was in the lead, more controlled after his slip before and focused on Erwin, who was  _ clearly  _ enjoying it if the way he responding to him so eagerly said anything. He was letting his hands wander again, Levi noticed, over his ass and waist and even the insides of his thighs again when Levi rolled his hips toward them encouragingly. 

The first time he did it, Erwin just kissed him that much more eagerly and exhaled, but the second time he bucked up a bit too and dug his fingers into where he held onto Levi, his movements strong enough for Levi to instantly feel the hard bulge beneath him pressing up against his ass. Naturally, upon realizing it, he didn’t waste any time in grinding back onto it, finding himself pleased when Erwin gasped beneath him and let his head fall back. His reaction caused Levi to do it again and move so that he could kiss at his neck, nipping at his skin there lightly and rubbing his palms over Erwin’s shoulders and chest like he had been before. 

Somehow through the heady arousal he felt, Levi wondered if he could make Erwin come just by doing that on top of him, and felt pretty confident that it was possible based on what had happened the night before. Remembering how quickly Erwin had come apart just from rutting his erection up against Levi’s thigh made heat flash through him sharply, but it also caused him to recall how he’d finished right as Levi had undone his pants and been about to pull his cock out. The feel of it against his ass made him think of it too, and also made him sure that he didn’t want that to happen again — not because it would matter if Erwin came fast, but because Levi wanted to make him feel something better before, and because he really, really,  _ really _ , wanted to see what he looked like down there. 

With that thought, Levi sat up so that he could start unbuttoning Erwin's shirt, his fingers making quick work of it while Erwin went still beneath him. He watched, with a flushed face, while Levi pulled it open and then pushed his t-shirt up to his neck, his palms rubbing along Erwin's warm, bare skin as he moved. He intended to go lower than that, obviously, but first thing was first, as he'd remembered how much he wanted to touch him all over before in general too, and he felt a fresh surge of excitement when Erwin suddenly went to finish what he had started. Wordlessly, he grabbed the edge of his t-shirt and pulled that and the button-down off and over his head without Levi even having to ask, the thought of his eagerness and the sight of the muscles on his chest and abdomen shifting smoothly while he moved causing Levi to bite his lip and swallow.

“Shit.” He muttered, placing a hand over Erwin’s stomach and thumbing at one of the ridges along his abs. “One day I’m going to embarrass myself by fucking drooling when I look at you.”

Erwin’s breathy, almost surprised sounding laugh at that was followed by a smile, his hands — still perched on Levi’s thighs — moving up to grasp his waist as his eyes dropped down to take him in.

“The feeling is mutual.” He said, lifting his gaze back up to meet Levi’s as his amused smile softened. 

Snorting in what was still a bit of disbelief at hearing Erwin say things like that about him, Levi shook his head and then leaned back over, pressing his lips to Erwin's to kiss him intently for a few moments before pulling away. “Whatever you say. You’re not gonna come this time until I get your cock in my mouth though, got it? Can you stay still for me?”

Rather than answering right away, Erwin’s eyes widened so much that it was comical before he managed a nod, but Levi was too busy kissing at his neck and already shifting downward to laugh. Eagerly, he mouthed a trail over the skin of Erwin’s chest, tasting him, moving his lips over whatever spots he wanted while using his hands to touch him too. He’d all but dreamed about exploring him like this so many times since he first saw Erwin shirtless that he’d lost count, and he relished in finally getting to do it, licking along the edges of some muscles and tracing over others with his fingers, moving slowly but steadily and only pausing completely for a few moments to tease at one of Erwin’s nipples.

He mouthed at it and sucked a bit, unable to help himself from gently biting at it too, and felt a swell of heat at the sound Erwin made in response, a hitching gasp that seemed to come out of his throat without his permission. Before and after that, he breathed heavily while his muscles — sensitive, apparently, much to Levi’s delight  — contracted or twitched in response to Levi’s touch, a light shudder running through him when he eventually reached his abdomen and couldn’t help but tease his bellybutton with his nose. He kissed him wetly down there and laved his tongue over his skin too, his movements becoming less controlled and more heated and quick because of how turned on he felt, the excitement in his belly growing by the second while his heart pounded in his chest. 

He was close to what he really wanted, he thought, which wasn’t helping, having been steadily working his mouth and hands over Erwin's firm, warm body — his scent, growing stronger the lower he went underneath hints of soap, filling his nose too and nearly making him dizzy. It was getting to him, and feeling eager for even more, Levi couldn’t wait any longer to move his fingers to work at Erwin’s belt and pants, shifting his head to hungrily kiss at the top of one of his gorgeous,  _ perfect _ hip bones when it caught his eye. 

Unable to stop himself, he was distracted momentarily by the line of it and from remembering how often he’d fucking wanted to touch them, as the way they stuck out from Erwin’s skin and angled down towards his crotch had almost driven him crazy at times. He could never help but follow the line of them with his eyes and wond what lay between them as the bottoms of them disappeared teasingly into the top of his pants, and although this time was no exception, he used his mouth to follow the trail that they laid instead of his vision. Pausing to lick along the bone and to suck a few marks — purposefully, because he  _ wanted  _ to see them there later — arousal clouded his head so much that he didn’t realize he was panting already, his breath coming quick and sweat beading at his temples from all the activity and how fucking warm he felt. 

Swallowing, he exhaled heavily and basically slid off of Erwin and the bed to land on the floor between his thighs, having reached the edge of the mattress and wanting to do this on his knees. In a flurry, he adjusted to get comfortable and then leaned over to finish undoing Erwin’s pants, resuming his wet trail at the bottom of one hip with his mouth and kissing at him, moving lower than he’d ever seen as the rough denim of his jeans and the cotton of his underwear gave way to the warm, soft skin of his lower belly and his groin, and then finally, after Erwin lifted his ass a bit so that Levi could pull his clothing down over his thighs — rougher than he’d meant to, but he was starting to feel desperate — to the base of his cock, the hard length of it causing Levi to freeze immediately from the moment that he felt it spring free and brush against his lips.

“Shit.” He breathed, moving away to take him in fully, to verify that what he had just seen out of the corner of his eye, suspected after the night before, and mused about for ages was finally in front of him: Erwin’s cock, which was  _ not  _ small, not by a long shot. Instead, it was longer and thicker than he had even imagined, the length of it cushioned above two perfectly proportionate balls and arcing above his lower belly beautifully. The end of it was topped with a plump, pink head, obviously, with a rounded tip that glistened with pre-come in a way that immediately made Levi’s mouth fucking water. He wanted to wrap his lips around it, he thought, and to taste it, but before he could, Erwin interrupted him from where he’d sat up onto his elbows to watch Levi.

“Ah...you don’t have to, if…” He said, his face somehow turning even more red than it already was as he spoke. “I mean, um— 

“Are you kidding?” Levi responded immediately, his voice husky with arousal as he assumed right away that Erwin had misunderstood his exclamation from a second ago and was thinking that he had for some reason changed his mind about blowing him. “Now I just want your cock in my mouth even more.”

That idea that he wouldn’t was ludicrous, of course, because Levi was now even more excited than before, his skin prickling with heat and his own dick practically aching for him to lean forward and take Erwin’s thick one into his mouth. He could only imagine how heavy it would feel on his tongue, but the thought that he wouldn’t  _ have  _ to imagine anymore after that day was enough for the last few small remaining vestiges of his patience to finally wither into nothingness. Ducking his head down, Levi latched his lips to the base of Erwin’s cock, mouthing at him there before Erwin could respond to his question. It had been rhetorical anyway, but he’d still looked like he’d wanted to, as he’d been staring at him like the words were about to come out and right there on the tip of his tongue — at least until Levi had started licking at him with his own, anyway.

After that, Erwin’s mouth just fell open wordlessly instead, his eyes fluttering closed as his brows drew down in what must have been an instant sensation of pleasure. It couldn’t have been  _ that  _ intense, Levi thought, his gaze shifting from in between the center of Erwin’s legs to his face and back again, but his reaction pleased him anyway, and he moved with even more vigor after that, mouthing, licking, and sucking wetly along every inch of his length while Erwin made breathy noises — increasing in volume  _ and  _ coming more quickly by the second — above him.

He teased him like that for a while before he finally wrapped his lips around the head to suck lightly, still refraining from swallowing him down right away so that Erwin wouldn’t come down his throat too fast. It wouldn’t matter if he did, of course, and it certainly wasn’t guaranteed to happen, but Levi just wanted him to enjoy this, and if he got overwhelmed again than it would be over so fast that he’d probably even barely remember how it felt. Not that there wouldn’t be other opportunities for more blowjobs in the future — at least, he hoped there would be — but this was still new to Erwin and unfamiliar, and Levi wanted him to be comfortable and relaxed and to show him that they didn’t have to rush through anything so he wouldn’t be nervous.

Besides, even if he didn’t have that in mind it wasn’t like he  _ didn’t  _ enjoy taking his time tasting every inch of Erwin’s cock that he could reach, especially after he’d undone his own pants and started palming at himself to relieve some of the ache that had settled in his groin. It helped him get lost in what he was doing, in feeling pleasure of his own while he gave it without any frustrating distractions, but he became less patient too, and it wasn't long after that before he finally began to really work Erwin down his throat. He'd found it difficult to stop once he'd started because of how much he immediately liked the way he tasted and how big he felt between his lips when he sucked, but the way Erwin moaned didn't help either — this noise louder than the others, and coming out a lot higher than his normal voice did — as the sound went straight to his own dick, causing Levi only want to hear it again, and again and again and again while he started slowly bobbing up and down and hollowing his cheeks out around Erwin's length. 

By then he'd closed his eyes and was breathing hard through his nose, inhaling sharply whenever he touched himself the right way, and he didn't open them again until the head of Erwin's cock finally slipped past his throat far enough down for him to swallow, and until he abruptly felt Erwin's legs shaking in response. He was panting heavily too, Levi could hear, and when he looked up he saw that his hands were fisted into the blankets on his bed, lying flat with the exception of his head — which had popped up a bit when Levi abruptly pulled off for a second to take him in. The fact that he was trembling made Levi feel a big smug and satisfied with himself, glad that the effort he was putting into this was clearly paying off. Of course, even if Erwin hadn't shook he still looked like he'd actually been fucked or something instead of just receiving half a blowjob — if the blissful expression on his red face and the wild mess of his hair said anything, anyway. 

“Good?” Levi still couldn't help but ask though, mouthing at the head of Erwin's cock while he met Erwin's eye — the sight enough for him to bite his lip and nod immediately. “Are you gonna come soon?”

Again, Erwin nodded, his eyes lidded and his lips parted, a noise that  _ almost _ sounded like a whimper coming from between them when Levi abruptly let him slide into his mouth again. Somehow, though, it turned into question a half second later, one that he struggled to breathe out and that nearly had Levi snorting in amusement.

“Should I tell you….I mean….if— 

“No.” Levi interrupted before Erwin could finish, knowing that he was was trying to ask, basically, if Levi wanted a warning in case he didn’t want to swallow — a notion that he found to be silly, partly because the thought of Erwin coming in his mouth made him feel even hotter than he believed possible, and partly because it seemed that Erwin was even polite when Levi had his cock halfway down his throat. “I wanna taste it, big guy. Just relax.”

Immediately after speaking, Levi opened his mouth and took Erwin down farther than he had yet, and all he could apparently let out in response was a harsh gasp. It turned into a moan when Levi swallowed around him again and then continued bobbing up and down in earnest, moving to start touching himself with more purpose too when it became apparent a few seconds later that it wasn’t going to be long before this was over. Sucking as hard as he could, Levi ignored the ache that was starting to settle in his jaw and kept going, listening to the sounds Erwin was making and squeezing at one of his legs when he realized they’d started shaking again. He seemed to be right on the edge — his actions reminiscent of what they’d been the night before when he’d abruptly come in his pants — and if Levi opened his eyes he could see the muscles of his abdomen clenching and unclenching with pleasure. 

He was sweaty there too, Levi saw, and the sight, along with the warmth he felt building between his legs from what he was doing with his own hand and fingers, made him let out a groan of his own around Erwin’s cock, the sound or the vibrations or both causing Erwin to twitch his hips suddenly and pull at the bedsheets again. Levi could sense the blankets being tugged upward even though he’d closed his eyes again — a testament to how hard Erwin must have been grabbing them — but he just took it as a sign to not let up for any reason, as he could feel Erwin growing more and more rigid beneath him by the second. 

Sure enough, after letting him slide in and out of his mouth a few more times, Erwin lifted his ass off the bed once more and then went still, his loud gasps pausing for just a moment before a shuddering, breathy moan left his throat and Levi felt something hot splashing at the tip of his tongue. It was come, of course, and the taste of it filled his mouth immediately, causing him to swallow and slow his movements so that he could hollow his cheeks around the tip of Erwin’s cock and keep sucking him off through his orgasm, an action which made Erwin tremble even harder than he had been before. Levi stayed like that for a few more seconds until there was no more, having taken everything down his throat and waited until Erwin started squirming from sensitivity, and only let him slip out of his mouth then, shifting to let his head fall against Erwin’s thigh as he began to stroke himself with purpose.

Moaning, he almost unconsciously rubbed his face against Erwin’s skin while he did so, remaining lost in his scent and the warmth of his bulk around and underneath him as his groin grew tight — hearing and feeling Erwin come while he’d still been in his mouth had done a lot to get him there — and came just a minute later into the palm of his hand with a low whine. He shuddered through it too like Erwin had done and jerked his hips a few times as the blissful pleasure flowed through him and he all but went limp against the side of the bed. He let out a sigh and let go of himself in an attempt to start catching his breath, but before he could even begin, he felt Erwin shift above him and a pair of large hands suddenly grabbing at his arms. 

They slid underneath them to wrap around his back as he lifted his head, pulling him almost faster than he could even wipe the come off on his t-shirt so that he was back on top of the bed again. That, of course, meant he was in Erwin’s lap once more too, practically clambering over him as Erwin dragged him towards his face so that he could press their lips together. He wanted to kiss him, apparently, and he did it with enough gusto that Levi felt his heart swell inside his chest, his enthusiasm coming out in how tightly he was holding him too and the way in which he captured his lips over and over again.

It was a long way, Levi thought, from the hesitant, careful movements in which Erwin had responded to him the first time they’d kissed, so carefree and exciting, in fact, that it almost made his mouth curve up happily while Erwin held him. His lips must have quirked up a bit — either that, or Erwin felt the same way too — because Erwin  _ did  _ smile into it after a few more moments, only pulling away after they eventually sank back onto the bed so that they were lying flat and had slowed down. 

“Ah...” Erwin breathed then, staring at Levi and watching as he then slumped over into a more comfortable position next to him. “That...that was…”

“Yeah?” Levi picked up when Erwin trailed off, reaching over to place a hand on his chest and already feeling a sense of satisfaction from what he knew Erwin was about to say.

“Incredible.” He pronounced sure enough, still panting quicker than normal, his eyes staring a bit wide in a way that made him look dazed. 

“Good.” Levi responded, curling closer to Erwin and apparently breaking whatever trance he seemed to have momentarily fallen into as he threw an arm over him. 

The movement caused Erwin to swallow then, and sigh, and turn his head so that he was nose to nose with Levi and could give him a happy smile. 

“I didn't know it could feel like that.” He murmured, rolling over too so he could face him better. Wrapping an arm around Levi’s waist and kissing his lips quickly when he shifted closer, Erwin paused for a moment, the smile on his face softening a bit before he continued. “Thank you.” 

Snorting at that, Levi shook his head in mock disbelief at what Erwin was saying, finding that he flushed a bit too from warmth because of the fact that Erwin was  _ thanking  _ him for a blowjob. He was pretty sure he’d never heard  _ that  _ before, and it was nice, he supposed, to hear that he’d made Erwin feel so good and that he appreciated it — even if he hadn’t been complaining about it either. “You don’t have to thank me. I liked sucking you off. I mean, I’m surprised I was able to get all of it down my throat because your cock is so big, but— 

“It’s not  _ that  _ big.” Erwin interrupted, letting out a disbelieving, slightly flustered sounding laugh at Levi’s words. 

The color on his cheeks — pink, and highly familiar by then — gradually reappeared too, growing darker when Levi slipped his arm over his shoulders and continued, amusement flowing through him at Erwin’s immediate attempt to be modest.

“Are you kidding me? Have you even looked at it?” He asked, biting his lip as he kept moving to slide his fingers in the hair at the nape of Erwin’s neck.

“Yes, but— 

“I’m not complaining.” 

“Yours is above average too.”

Levi huffed a laugh at that, his eyes rolling playfully from where he’d ducked his head down to kiss at Erwin’s neck. He wasn’t trying to get either one of them all worked up again, not really, but he did want Erwin to know that he appreciated him too, that even if he’d just been lying there while he gave him a blowjob it had been just as enjoyable for Levi as it had been for him. “But yours felt so fucking huge in my mouth, Erwin. I knew it was gonna be big, too.”

“Ah…” Erwin uttered, seeming to struggle for a moment because of the way Levi was talking to him. He paused for a moment, where Levi imagined that his lips stayed parted and he flushed darker, but he found his eyes flying open from where he’d closed them a second later when he instead responded differently, in a playful but warm tone, one that held as many hints of certainty to it as it did amusement. “Does that mean you were thinking about it?”

_ Shit. _ Levi thought, finding that it was his turn for his cheeks to warm again as he realized what he’d inadvertently admitted to.

Naturally, his first reaction was to be embarrassed, because yes, he had thought about it,  _ a lot _ , and it hadn’t even been that long ago when Levi had practically hated himself for doing it, feeling like some kind of pervert or sicko while fantasizing about his 22 year old gardener’s cock. He’d jerked off while thinking about it —  well...Erwin in general, really,  _ all  _ of him — on many occasions too, of course, and had even almost gotten caught the first time he’d done it because he’d fucking answered Erwin’s knock at the door with jizz on his face like some kind of disgusting dumbass. He still didn’t know whether Erwin had noticed that or not, but if he had, it clearly had not caused him to perceive Levi in any kind of bad way since they were currently lying on his bed together, which was a good thing, one that made Levi wonder if it even mattered if Erwin knew he’d thought about him like that back then.

“Yeah.” He answered a second later, deciding that it didn’t, but feeling his stomach flip a little as he pulled back to meet Erwin’s gaze in advance of his response nonetheless. “I thought about it.”

“I thought about you too.” Erwin responded immediately, a slightly sheepish but warm smile blossoming on his face. 

It caused Levi to feel relieved right away, of course, but also made his heart skip a beat, warmth and elation at having heard  _ that  _ particular piece of information confessed to him going through him all at once. 

“Really?” He asked, snorting when Erwin nodded. He paused for a second after, thinking while reading Erwin’s expression, wondering if he had done more than that just like Levi had. He really wanted to know, he decided, and felt far less flustered or self-conscious about asking the question than he might have a few weeks before — despite the fact that he had a feeling he would have to admit more too —  especially since they’d already confessed this much and...well, had fooled around twice by then. The intimacy that came with it had done a lot to break down whatever remaining walls they still had up around each other regarding sex and their mutual attraction, and besides, Levi knew he would feel pleased and warm in more than one way if Erwin answered his question with a ‘yes.’ Surely Erwin would too, right? “Did you….uh, jerk off?”

As soon as he said it, Levi immediately felt a minor prickling of anxiousness, wondering right away if he had been to presumptuous by asking that. He was going to feel stupid if Erwin said no, he thought, but luckily, his spur of the moment worries were put to rest after Erwin’s eyes widened a bit and he looked away bashfully.

“Are you going to be upset if I say ‘yes?” He asked, his voice quiet but still teasing nonetheless.

“Fuck no.” Levi answered, biting back a smile because of the fact that he’d basically already gotten his answer. 

“Then yes...I did.”

“Me too.” Levi confessed then, finding that it was easy to do after Erwin had already done the same. 

Although he was pretty sure his statement was clear and Erwin understood, it still seemed that he was intent on getting clarification, apparently, a teasing, oddly soft smile appearing on his face as he watched Levi. “You jerked off while thinking about me?” 

“Yeah.” Levi scoffed, amused by the way he’d asked as if it was something romantic. 

Obviously Erwin was pleased to hear that just as Levi had hoped he’d been, but he couldn’t stop his cheeks from warming anyway, his initial instinct to be embarrassed bubbling up stronger and stronger the more they talked about it. 

“When?” Erwin asked, apparently enjoying the thought so much that he needed more information.

Scowling at his question — a wave of uncomfortable self-consciousness sweeping through him — Levi shifted on the bed, averting his eyes as Erwin’s smile grew. “What do you mean, when? It was more than once, but the first time wasn’t my fault. You were the one walking around outside without your shirt on, looking all sweaty and shit.”

Erwin laughed loudly at that, his eyes crinkling up in amusement while Levi squirmed. He tucked his head back against his neck and reached up to palm at Erwin’s chest, appreciatively and in line with what he’d said as if he was unable to help himself, and felt a swell of warmth go through him when Erwin pressed his nose into his hair. 

“I didn’t know you were looking.” He said, his hand still at Levi’s waist too. 

“I wasn’t looking while I did it. I just saw you out the fucking window.”

“Either way, if I had known taking my shirt off was all it took, I would have started doing that a lot more often.”

Snorting, Levi bit his lip and paused for a moment, his heart skipping an excited beat as his flustered feelings faded into something playful and coy. “Yeah, well, you can make up for that shit now, you know. Just don’t put your shirt back on. It’ll give me something to look at while I make the pizza.” 

“I thought we were making the pizza together?” Erwin asked, actually sounding a little disappointed at the thought of not getting to assist him. 

“We are.” Levi replied though, because that had not been what he’d meant. “Don’t worry. I wouldn’t miss an opportunity to teach you how to fucking feed yourself. That way, I won’t have to worry about you starving to death anymore.”

Exhaling in amusement at that, Erwin watched Levi as he then moved to sit up, sensing that it was about time that they get off of the bed and head down to the kitchen anyway. 

“You don’t have to worry about me starving to death.” He said, as Levi looked over his shoulder at him. “Although, I haven’t eaten since this morning. I had three protein bars after I left your house, but that’s it.”

“What the fuck? Why?” Levi muttered, fixing Erwin with an incredulous look.

He’d slid off the bed with a purpose upon hearing that too, immediately feeling a sudden swell of determination to get started and feed Erwin since he had, for some reason, neglected to do so himself. He had to be hungry as fuck, Levi thought, as he’d woken up quite early that morning and it was now early afternoon — long enough for his stomach to probably be empty, especially considering the fact that he’d worked out at the gym too.

“I didn’t have time.” Erwin said, his expression turning sheepish when Levi crossed his arms and raised a disbelieving eyebrow. “I didn’t want to be full for the pizza, and I wanted to get back here as soon as I could. I was thinking about you all morning, you know.”

Levi paused at that, his chiding — half playful, half serious because didn’t want Erwin to be that hungry on  _ his  _ watch — ending abruptly and turned into something else because of his words. They were sweet, he thought, and made his heart flutter, and he  _ supposed  _ he couldn’t be  _ too  _ hard on him if  _ that  _ was the reason why he had neglected to eat. 

“Okay.” He said, stepping forward and back towards the edge of the bed again where Erwin had finally sat up. Levi stepped between his legs and wrapped his arms around his neck to give him a hug, looking down at Erwin as he smiled up at him, softly, in a way that made Levi feel so incredibly fond for a moment he thought he might burst. It didn’t help when Erwin wrapped his arms around Levi’s middle and pressed his face against his stomach either, the gesture so fucking stupidly cute and gentle that he couldn’t help but think about Erwin as some kind of giant puppy. “I guess you’re off the hook. For  _ now _ .”

“For now?” Erwin asked, an obvious smile in his voice as he leaned into Levi’s hands, one of them having come up to sink into his hair. “What does that mean?”

Levi paused for a moment before answering that, teasing. “Hmm...it means I’m gonna have three slices of pizza, and you’re going to have to eat the rest — crust and all. That way, I’ll at least know you won’t be fucking starving until tomorrow morning.”

“ _ That _ shouldn’t be a problem. Not if you’re cooking it.” Erwin replied, snorting in amusement, his compliment causing Levi to bite his lip and flush from pleasure.

“Well, you’re cooking it too, remember?”

“Yes, but I don’t think it’s going to burn on your watch.”

“I dunno. It might. Just don’t distract me.”

“If I  _ do  _ distract you, am I in trouble?”

At that, Levi paused, his brows furrowing at Erwin’s question. Was it his imagination, or had he heard a bit of a playful,  _ suggestive  _ tone there? It wasn’t, he decided after a second, because Erwin had grabbed his ass again — gently this time, but with no hesitation at all — and after realizing there was absolutely no way, Levi decided, that he wasn’t going to play along.

“Yeah. Big fucking trouble.” He said, bending to plant a wet kiss at Erwin’s temple. “I might have to punish you by sucking your cock again.”

“That doesn’t sound like much of a punishment.” Erwin muttered in response.

He chuckled a bit in amusement afterward when Levi snorted too, lifting his head so he could press their lips together quickly before pulling away. Although they were flirting, Levi thought, the implications of it weren’t serious — at least not right then — but even if they had been he wasn’t going to let anything else happen until Erwin ate. He’d heard his stomach growling once while they were talking, and he had to admit he was getting a bit hungry too. He’d had a snack for lunch but that had been it, and after thinking about it for so long, the anticipation for how good the pizza — the dish one of Levi’s guilty pleasures, if he was being honest — was probably going to taste.

“We’ll see.” He said at that thought. “Tuck your dick back in your pants and let’s go cook.”

Pausing, Levi watched Erwin for a second longer just to catch the quick, surprised look appear on his face from his comment, shortly before he looked down and realized that, in fact, his pants and underwear were still bunched somewhere around the tops of his thighs. He snorted when he saw it but flushed too — adorably enough — and made an expression that was a bit sheepish, adjusting himself like Levi had said right away and standing up to fix his pants. He walked around the bed to grab the white undershirt he’d been wearing so that he could pull it back over his head too, his muscles flexing tantalizingly, of course, underneath his skin in a way that caused Levi to stop what he was doing so he could stare. He’d gone over to his laundry basket to take his shirt off because there was dried come on it now from where he’d finished earlier, but before he could do it, Erwin had put his own back on, the sight of him lifting his arms and stretching it over his head almost enough to make Levi forget what he’d been doing.

He didn’t, though, and instead just shook his head in some kind of disbelief — how the hell was he so fit with his shitty eating habits? — before finding a new shirt and changing, completely aware of the fact that Erwin was watching him too and wondering how he even found Levi appealing. He wasn’t ripped or anything, not really, just stocky, but whatever self-consciousness he might have felt disappeared when he caught sight of Erwin’s lidded expression. He was leering, in fact, as there was no other fucking name for the way he was openly staring at him, but what did he care? The fact that Erwin found him attractive still continued to boggle his mind sometimes, but whatever. Further proof of it only made him more happy. 

“Ready?” He asked at that, cocking an eyebrow as Erwin nodded, turning to head towards the entrance to his room so that he could lead them both downstairs.

“By the way.” He said, once they reached the bottom and he caught sight of his alarm system. “The code for my alarm is one-two-one-five, pound.”


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Shit.” Levi blurted when he realized Erwin was covered in the flour, feeling a rush of emotion — most of it consisting of surprise and disbelief, but also an incredible amount of fondness and amusement at the same time — go through him right away. It was so much that it actually made his heart flutter a bit when he felt it, he thought, because there was so much of the shit all over Erwin that it looked like he’d been rolling in it, patches of it covering the apron he wore, of course, but a lot of it spread out along the top of his forearms. That’s where the most of it was, Levi saw, as if it had just blown onto him after he’d fucking rolled the pin over the pizza dough or something, but there was a spot on his neck too and then a good deal of it decorating his face, smudges of white along his nose and cheekbones and even his forehead, the biggest of which started at the corner of his eye and ended up somewhere in the blonde hairs of one eyebrow. “Look at you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay i had really bad writer's block T___T parts of this chapter are still a mess i think but i wanted to get it posted. thank you for continuing to read and comments and kudos are appreciated as always <333

As soon as Levi reached the kitchen, he made a beeline to where his apron was hanging so he could put it on, throwing it over his head and tying it around his back while Erwin stopped at the counter. He eyed Levi, watching what he was doing curiously, and his prolonged gaze while he readied himself to cook made Levi pause for a moment and then have a certain idea. Whirling around, he reached for a small drawer at the bottom of one of his counters, bending over as Erwin raised an eyebrow while he dug around and then pulled out what he’d been looking for: another apron.

“Here.” He said, crossing the kitchen to throw it over Erwin’s neck without hesitation. “You need this.”

“Alright.” Erwin agreed with a small laugh, smiling and reaching out to grasp Levi’s waist automatically when he stepped in front of him.

Bending so that Levi could reach him easier, Erwin held him still while he stood up onto his tiptoes too, letting go of him a second later when Levi then turned him around so he could tie the apron strings behind him. After he finished, he waited for Erwin to face him again so that he could appraise his new look, noting with amusement when he finally saw him that while the apron  _ did  _ fit over his head like it was supposed to, saying that the rest of it was too small and too short for him probably would have been a fucking understatement. 

He’d expected that, though, but what he  _ hadn’t  _ expected was for Erwin to look so stupidly adorable in it as a result, his large size and the swell of his chest and arm muscles causing the damned thing to look even tinier than it actually was. That, in turn, combined with his handsome, boyish features to make quite the amusing,  _ cute  _ sight, and after looking at him for a few seconds, Levi found that he was almost powerless to resist reaching up to give Erwin a kiss again when the smile on his face just grew wider.

“Am I a real chef now?” He asked teasingly, smoothing down the front of the apron after Levi stepped away to actually get started. 

“Yeah.” Levi replied with a snort, heading towards his kitchen island where he’d laid out handfuls of ingredients earlier that day. There was all kinds of stuff —from pepperoni and mozzarella, of course, to things like sun-dried tomatoes and spinach and goat cheese — as Levi had wanted Erwin to have as many choices as possible, deciding right away that he was just going let him pick what he wanted and make his own pizza. He doubted he’d ever had the opportunity, he thought, and probably just ate the frozen kind straight out of a box most of the time, and his hunch seemed to be right when he gestured to all of the ingredients and Erwin’s eyes lit up with interest. “What do you want to put on the pizza, chef?”

Glancing between the food and Levi at that, Erwin smiled and moved to join him where he’d stepped in front of the counter, placing his palms down on it and sidling up close to Levi so that their arms were touching.

“Chef?” He murmured, raising an eyebrow. “That’s what I should be calling you.”

“Don’t. It was bad enough when you were calling me ‘Mr. Ackerman,’ like I was some old fart.” Levi replied, making a disgruntled face to show Erwin just how much he had liked  _ that  _ situation.

“I was being polite.”

“I know, but you don’t have to do that shit now. I’m not just your boss anymore, remember?”

“Yes, I remember.” Erwin said, leaning over the counter low enough to kiss Levi’s cheek. Speaking quietly, he continued, pressing his lips to Levi’s jaw and then the corner of his mouth with a small smile. “And I’m sorry. I promise I won’t ever call you that again. Okay,  _ Mr. Ackerman? _ ”

Snorting at that, Levi gave Erwin another expression of false irritation and swatted at him playfully, finding that although he was pretending to be aggravated at his obvious teasing, the way Erwin had said his name just then had actually made his face flush. He wasn’t sure why, though, other than the fact that he’d murmured it near his ear in a tone of voice that he might have used up in Levi’s bedroom — while acting demure or coy and as if he was  _ obeying  _ him after being told to do something — and he didn’t know if Erwin had meant to fucking imply that kind of shit or not, so he swallowed the flare of heat down as quickly as it had come, reminding himself that they’d basically just gotten done fooling around anyway and they now had a pizza to make. 

“You’d better not.” Levi mumbled while he did so, a small voice in the back of his mind asking how much he actually that now even as he sought to overcome the distraction.

“I won’t.” Erwin continued, chuckling from Levi’s teasing shove earlier.

He’d blocked it, of course, and had just grabbed him instead to keep him from doing it again, wrapping an arm around his middle to tug him closer as Levi automatically reached for his chest. He was standing there like that now, with Erwin in front of him and in the middle of a warm hug, but before he could even come up with a reason to part Erwin’s stomach suddenly growled loudly and did it for him.

“Come on.” Levi said then, resisting the urge to shake his head when Erwin seemed to not even hear his body complaining at all. Reaching out to grab the container of mozzarella cheese — the one ingredient they would have to use for sure besides marinara sauce — he shoved it into Erwin’s hands, giving him a pointed look before he gestured at the pile of ingredients all over again.“Don’t you want to eat?”

“Yes.” Erwin responded right away, eyeing everything with an excited look.

He set the cheese down close to him and swept his gaze over everything again, focusing a bit more this time, Levi saw, and apparently actually thinking about it instead of just giving everything a quick glance.

“We need pepperoni, don’t we?” He asked after a second, spotting the package and then reaching out to grab it too when Levi nodded.

“If that’s what you want.” Levi replied, feeling unsurprised next when Erwin raised his eyebrows.

_ Of course _ he wasn’t going to just pick whatever he wanted without some questioning remarks; it was just like him not to, and Levi had already known he’d probably protest some in an effort to be polite. Thankfully, though, suspecting that meant Levi had already decided how he would respond too, and so he shook his head before Erwin could even speak, pointing at the food again so that he could make sure his meaning was clear. 

“Yeah, I’m eating it too.” He as well, answering Erwin’s unasked question. “But I don’t care what kind of shit you put on it. Just do what you want.”

“Why?” Erwin said though, his question causing Levi to huff and cross his arms.

“Because I like everything.” He said, biting his lip. “And I thought you wanted to help.”

“I do, I just didn’t know that meant I’d be making all of the decisions.” Erwin responded, smiling down at him.

“Well, I figured you could pick and make what you want since you probably only eat shitty frozen pizza with cardboard crust and weird, chewy processed pepperoni chunks on it.”

“Wow.” Erwin said to that, his wide, amused smile betraying his dry tone. “How did you know?”

Snorting, Levi shook his head at him, biting back a smile of his own when he realized Erwin was going to accept his offer. “Then make it taste good. I’ll just do the cooking part, got it?”

“Alright.” Erwin said, pausing for a moment before he turned his attention back to the ingredients. 

He looked them over closely, Levi saw, for a third time and with a serious expression like he was   _ really  _ considering his decisions, and reached forward a few seconds later, grabbing a package of sausage that Levi had set near the cheese.

“Sausage.” He declared, moving a jar aside so he could grab something else too. “Salami, and ham.”

“Shit, do you want to just put a whole pig on it instead?” Levi murmured, teasing him even as Erwin laughed and handed over the different packages of meats.

“Do you have one?” He asked in a wry tone, his question causing Levi to snort in amusement while he opened the sausage. 

If they wanted to put that on the pizza, he knew, he was going to have to take it out of it’s casings and cook it over the stove in a pan, and since he knew how hungry Erwin was already and that this would take some time, he wanted to get started.

“Not unless  _ you  _ count.” Levi muttered in response to Erwin’s question, reaching over to give him a playful pinch on his decidedly toned and  _ not _ round middle on his way to grab a pan.

He felt amusement when he did so and when Erwin grunted in response, laughing too but twisting away so quickly that Levi suddenly wondered if he was ticklish. Filing  _ that  _ question away for later, he got to work heating the stove and pulled out a wooden spoon, turning so that he could watch what he was doing and see what else Erwin picked at the same time.

“Is this bacon?” He asked after another second of sifting through everything, his tone sounding pleased as he pulled a package of crumbled bacon towards him and realized that it was before Levi could even answer. 

Setting it aside at what seemed like the speed of light, Levi watched him grab a container of fresh mushrooms too, reaching for roma tomatoes next and a package of spinach before he ended his quest for pizza ingredients by picking out some roasted garlic.

“Looks good.” Levi told him when he was done, appraising all of the toppings he’d chosen and thinking that Erwin had actually done a decent job of picking things out to balance the flavor.

His only concern had been that the pizza would end up too salty because of all the pork products he’d picked, but the other things would help a lot with that, he knew, and were going to end up being pretty tasty. All they had to do was get the dough rolled out and the sauce spread on it before they could get started on layering it — after Levi finished cooking the sausage anyway — and after he’d sliced up all of the tomatoes and mushrooms and washed off the spinach too.

Deciding that he would instruct Erwin on how to prepare the dough while he finished up at the stove, Levi washed his hands and took a moment to grab a rolling pin and a jar of flour from his other shelves. Handing them both to Erwin, Levi opened the package of dough while he looked at the utensil in his hand curiously, holding it out before his gaze switched to the flour when Levi grabbed a handful and began to explain.

“You gotta sprinkle this on the counter to make sure the dough won’t stick. Put some on the rolling pin too.”

“Like this?” Erwin asked, reaching into the jar and dusting the wooden pin with flour in the same way Levi had done. 

“Yeah.” He answered, stepping back to the stove to stir the still cooking sausage. “You’ll probably have to add more while you’re rolling it out. Just flatten it into a circle. Make sure it’s not too thin.”

“Ah...alright.” Erwin replied, hesitating for a just a moment while he held the rolling pin over the large lump of dough, staring down at it with his eyebrows furrowed in a way that Levi couldn’t help but find amusing. 

He looked like he was really concentrating on it, he thought, or contemplating how hard he should press the pin down onto it and what fucking direction he should roll it in. It was funny to him, of course, because he considered the task to be relatively simple in comparison to other shit, but more than that Levi found Erwin’s focus cute, his obvious determination and intention to do it right coming off as incredibly endearing when Levi remembered that he had never done anything like that before in his life. 

“Wow. Look at that.” He made sure to tell him once he started, speaking in a dry, teasing voice but wanting Erwin to know he was doing fine nonetheless. “You’re a natural. Keep going.”

Laughing a bit at his tone, Erwin turned to smile at Levi too and did what he said, his back muscles flexing underneath his t-shirt while Levi watched him lean over to roll at the dough. By then, the sausage was all but cooked and it was time for him to get started on slicing up the vegetables, and he did so quickly, somehow managing not to cut off a finger whenever he got a glimpse of Erwin pushing or pulling with the pin. He worked at it slowly, Levi noticed, and carefully — certainly because of his inexperience — but he did a good job, and Levi found himself thinking that it  _ was  _ actually pretty nice to have someone to help him out in the kitchen. The fact that it was Erwin just added to that, of course, as Levi liked being around him and all, and...well, the eye candy wasn’t bad either, and he began to hope that they could actually do this more, that Erwin would realize he wasn’t hopeless at cooking after all and would maybe want to learn so that Levi could help him with it.

He wouldn’t mind doing so at all, he knew, but he supposed there was a chance Erwin wouldn’t enjoy it even if he didn’t actually suck. Not everyone found it as relaxing as Levi did, of course, and he knew that Erwin already had his own hobbies like gardening and reading and staring at his phone for hours at a time when he was off work, but Levi thought that it was nice to share one of  _ his  _ interests with him nonetheless, thinking that in turn, he wouldn’t mind gardening again with Erwin if he wanted to do that too either. Maybe Erwin could show him how to plant some different kinds of herbs, he thought, or some vegetables if they wouldn’t be too difficult for him to take care of, but before he could even figure out if he should actually propose something like that, Levi’s idle musings were interrupted by Erwin finishing the dough. 

“Alright.” He said abruptly, setting the pin aside and stepping back. “I think it’s done.”

“Let’s see.” Levi murmured at that, knowing even before he walked over that Erwin had done a good job.

He could tell just by looking at it from across the kitchen, of course, because he could already see that it wasn’t too thin or too thick, and upon closer inspection he confirmed that it was indeed suitable for the pizza they were going to make.

“Good.” He announced while looking it over, noting with a raised eyebrow that it had actually almost been rolled out into a fucking perfect circle, an explanation to what had actually taken Erwin so long when Levi was capable of just making a vaguely round one in a matter of minutes.

“It’s alright?” Erwin asked like he didn’t believe him though, a hint of doubt in his voice that Levi thought to be absolutely ridiculous as he examined what Erwin had done.

“Yeah.” He answered with a scoff, turning with the intention of reaching up to give Erwin a kiss to show him how well he’d done, a small reward that would hopefully convince him that Levi was happy with the pizza dough and ready to use it. 

Before he could, however, he found himself stopping in place as soon as Erwin turned to face him too and he caught sight of him, his eyes widening as he did so because...well, because he was a fucking  _ mess _ , the entire top half of him from head to waist somehow almost completely covered with thick, dusty streaks of white flour. 

“Shit.” Levi blurted when he realized it, feeling a rush of emotion — most of it consisting of surprise and disbelief, but also an incredible amount of fondness and amusement at the same time — go through him right away. It was so much that it actually made his heart flutter a bit when he felt it, Levi thought, because there was so much of the shit all over Erwin that it looked like he’d been rolling in it, patches of it covering the apron he wore, of course, but a lot of it spread out along the top of his forearms. That’s where the most of it was, Levi saw, as if it had just blown onto him after he’d fucking rolled the pin over the pizza dough or something, but there was a spot on his neck too and then a good deal of it decorating his face, smudges of white along his nose and cheekbones and even his forehead, the biggest of which started at the corner of his eye and ended up somewhere in the blonde hairs of one eyebrow. “Look at you.”

“Sorry.” Erwin said immediately, a guilty expression appearing on his face that let Levi know he knew  _ exactly  _ what it was that he was referring to.

“You’re worse than the damned kids.” He continued, shaking his head and pretending to chide him, snorting in amusement too so that he could make sure Erwin knew he wasn’t actually concerned about it. “Come over here.”

Reaching out, he grabbed at one of Erwin’s hands so that he could lead him over to the sink, walking around the island while Erwin followed obediently and looked sheepish — like a lost puppy, he thought, so different than how sure he looked when he worked out in the yard — and gave Levi a small smile. When they reached the counter he leaned over the basin and moved to wash off his forearms while Levi grabbed some paper towels, his lips threatening to curve up on their own too after he dried Erwin off and then tugged him down so that he could wipe at his face and neck. 

“What the hell happened?” He muttered while he did so, clicking his tongue while he scrubbed at a spot on Erwin’s chin. “Did the fucking jar explode on you or something when I wasn’t looking?”

“I don’t know.” Erwin replied, his hands coming to rest at Levi’s middle while he cleaned him up. 

He stayed still for a few seconds like that, watching Levi as best he could while he moved, only looking away for a moment when he had to swipe the paper towel over Erwin’s eyebrow and he closed his lids. He smiled at him when he did so, though, warmly while Levi held his face in his hands once he was done and studied it to make sure he’d gotten all the flour off, and wrapped his arms around him tighter when Levi found himself flushing suddenly, his heart skipping a beat in his chest because of the way Erwin was looking at him before he leaned in to give him a quick, sweet kiss on the cheek.

“I’m hopeless at this, I’m afraid.” Erwin told him a second later, murmuring the words apologetically after Levi eventually pulled away. 

He frowned a bit too, Levi saw, as if he was seriously concerned that his skill level or mess-making ability was ruining their afternoon cooking or something, but it only stayed on his face for a second once Levi shook his head, his features contorting into something stubborn as he grabbed at Erwin’s hands and led him back to the counter.

“What the fuck?” He said, tossing the paper towels away too. “That’s bullshit. You got the dough ready, and it’s good. Who cares if you make a mess.”

“Well, I don’t want to give you more to clean up because I don’t know what I’m doing.” Erwin replied, taking the jar of sauce Levi suddenly thrust into his hands without question.

“You aren’t really, but it doesn’t matter. I mean, you’re gonna help me with that too afterward, right?” Levi asked, teasing him again with the suggestion.

He didn’t care if Erwin helped him clean up the kitchen afterwards, he thought, as he wasn’t concerned about it and hadn’t even thought about that shit until right then. It wasn’t a big deal to him and there was no way the mess would be worse than what the kids would have made even if he  _ had  _ jokingly told Erwin otherwise, as either way, it was going to be worth it from how much he was enjoying the cooking that they were doing right then.

“Yes. Of course.” Erwin replied though, smiling down at Levi and watching curiously as he prepared to continue their prep.

“Okay. We gotta put the sauce on there. Open the jar with your arms, or whatever.” Levi instructed him, relishing in Erwin’s amused snort at the implication that he was the only one strong enough to open the jar or something. “Pour it out and use this spoon. Spread it out in a circle like this.”

“I’ll try.” Erwin said, taking the utensil Levi handed him and unsurprisingly doing exactly what he asked. 

It didn’t take him long, either, in comparison to how many minutes he’d spent rolling out the dough, and before long they were taking turns sprinkling the mozzarella cheese over it, layering the pepperoni and the rest of the meats next one by one until the top of the pizza was completely covered. Then, after that, they carefully added the mushrooms, vegetables, and olives one by one, taking the time to make sure that every single topping was represented equally so that there wouldn’t be too much or too little of one thing. By the time they were done the oven was warmed up enough for them to go ahead and put it inside to bake — Levi had set a timer for it to preheat earlier — and he had Erwin do it, handing him the thick oven mitts that he needed  _ after  _ he had him stop so that he could take a picture. 

He was pleased enough with what they’d made to do so, apparently, which Levi was glad for of course, but the request that he get in the photo too made him pause for a second, tension erupting in his shoulders suddenly because getting pictures taken of him was  _ not  _ one of his favorite things. Even before he’d become a shut-in he hadn’t liked it, he thought, because he’d always felt awkward and uncomfortable standing there and posing while someone stared at him through the lens of a camera, and letting people have a still image of him who he wasn’t close to had always made his skin crawl. However, Erwin was not like that, of course, because Levi was close to him and he knew he trusted him by then, and so after a second of thinking, he supposed that it would be alright, deciding that he would allow Erwin to take a picture of him standing with the pizza. 

That didn’t mean he didn’t feel like a fucking dumbass doing it though, even when Erwin turned the camera around and stood beside him to capture an image of the both of them together. In fact, that just made him feel more embarrassed because he grew flustered at the thought that Erwin actually  _ wanted  _ a picture of them like that, and he knew his cheeks were red in it and thought that he probably looked like shit, an uncomfortable, stupid grimace on his face rather than a smile because he hadn’t been able to muster one up. The thought was enough to have him scowling afterward even as Erwin looked down at his phone fondly after he’d taken it, but he tried to swallow the flustered feeling down as much as he could, ignoring it so that he could relax and sit by Erwin on the couch while the pizza was baking. 

Although he’d been a little frustrated at his awkwardness for a second there, he didn’t think he had showed it too much, but apparently his mood had changed enough for Erwin to notice, as even though he’d sat down by Levi and thrown his arm around him with hesitation at first, he withdrew it a second later before Levi could lean into him, a tight frown appearing on his face for a moment as Levi looked at him questioningly.

“What?” He asked, drawing his thin brows down in concern as Erwin glanced over him quickly. 

“Ah…” He started, sweeping his eyes along Levi’s face too. “I didn’t upset you just now, did I? With the picture?”

“Oh. No.” Levi snorted, blinking and shaking his head right away, a bit of panic going through him at the thought that he’d made Erwin think he was  _ pissed  _ or something.

“I’m sorry. I can delete it if you want.” Erwin continued before he could say anything else too, reaching to pull his phone out of his pocket so quickly that Levi barely had time to gather his thoughts to try and stop him.

“Wait.” He blurted, speaking louder in the hopes that it would get Erwin to listen. “I’m not upset.”

“I embarrassed you.”

“No...I mean, uh...it’s not my favorite thing, but— 

“I should have asked you first. I wasn’t thinking, and it was rude of me.”

“Hey.” Levi said then, reaching out to grab Erwin’s arm. Thankfully, the movement was forceful enough to get him to stop determinedly pulling out his phone and finding the picture, but he didn’t put it away, instead only glancing up to meet Levi’s eyes for a moment until he reached out and took the damned thing away from Erwin himself. “Shit, listen. You weren’t fucking rude.”

“I— 

“Erwin.” Levi continued, pulling his arm back around him where it had been before. He leaned into him after that and then lifted his hands up so that he could grasp his face, holding him there and looking at him to make sure that Erwin was hearing him. He was a bit alarmed at how quickly he’d gone from being happy and carefree moments before to something like this, as to him it wasn’t that big of a deal, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to get mad at Erwin for taking a picture of him when he was the one with the awkward social problems. “Listen, you weren’t rude. Yeah, I don’t like having pictures taken of me, but it isn’t a big deal. I’m not gonna fucking kick you out of my house for doing it.”

“I know.” Erwin said then, letting his eyes sweep over Levi’s face once more before he thankfully relaxed a little. 

“Then what’s with that face?”

“I...I should have asked. I wasn’t thinking like I said. I should have known better, because I know how you feel about some things and I...ah…”

“Yeah?” Levi asked when Erwin trailed off, raising an eyebrow because of the way his cheeks had suddenly gone pink.

“I just don’t want to mess this up.”

“Mess it up?” 

“Yes. This. What we’re doing. I— 

Upon realizing what Erwin meant, Levi couldn’t help the loud way in which he snorted. Was Erwin serious? Did he really think Levi was going to end this because of something stupid with a camera? It was ridiculous to him, he thought, because at that point he was starting to think there wasn’t much Erwin could really do to actually get him mad, but the fact that he was apparently concerned about it made his heart swell too. It caused it to practically ache, in fact, because he knew what Erwin meant when he said he knew how Levi felt about certain things — that is, that he got anxious — and it was a  _ good  _ thing that he considered it. However, the thought that he was worried that he’d do something to make Levi feel that way was almost ludicrous in and of itself, as Erwin had long ago started giving him the opposite effect which he’d realized almost immediately.

Sure, Levi remembered, he’d made him nervous sometimes  _ before  _ they kissed and high-strung about things, but that had been because he had liked him and he hadn’t been sure if Erwin liked him back. Now that he knew and they’d kissed and they’d opened up to each other some, though, Levi always just felt good around him, carefree and happy because he was no longer lonely and hopeless. Erwin had done a lot for him, in fact, even before when they were just friends and despite this not being official yet, and he didn’t want him to think otherwise — especially when he didn’t want this to get messed up either, and especially when his heart had swelled at Erwin’s backwards admission that he was happy too.

“You’re not gonna mess it up.” Levi told him at that, shifting a hand to brush a lock of blonde hair out of Erwin’s eyes. Leaning forward, he slipped his arms around his neck then too, biting his lip and thinking carefully about what to say next so that Erwin would understand. He had never been the best at comforting people, he thought, because it was sometimes another thing that he had been fucking awkward at, but he’d be damned if he didn’t try, and he’d be damned if he fucked this up and let Erwin think he’d done wrong so that things somehow got ruined anyway. “It’s impossible.”

“Impossible?” Erwin asked, raising an eyebrow. 

In response to Levi’s touch, he’d relaxed a bit more, thankfully, and grabbed at his shoulder with one hand while placing his other at the side of his waist, gently holding him there and focusing his blue eyes on him as Levi nodded an affirmative.

“Yeah. You can’t. I...uh, I like you too much, okay?” Levi paused after he’d admitted that, swallowing thickly and closing his eyes while his face burned. Opening them again a second later, he continued, spurred on by the hopeful spark of something that he now saw behind the concern in Erwin’s eyes. “And I don’t feel bad around you, or whatever...I’m...I feel good. You’re doing fine. You don’t have shit to worry about. Got it?”

“Um.” Erwin uttered, swallowing at Levi’s words and studying his face one more time. It was as if  he was checking to make sure he was serious or something, Levi thought, which he  _ was _ , and whatever expression he held seemed to show him that, as Erwin relaxed a second later and finally gave Levi what he’d been looking for: a smile. “I think so.”

“You think so?” Levi asked, his tone holding a bit of a teasing, chiding note as he leaned forward to kiss at the corner of Erwin’s mouth.

“I mean...yes, if you say so.” Erwin clarified, his lips curving up even wider.

“I do.” Levi continued. “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.”

“Alright. It makes me happy to hear that.” 

_ Fuck. _ Levi thought, biting his lip and feeling such a strong swell of fondness and awe and  _ elation  _ at Erwin’s sweet words that he could have actually groaned. It was nice to hear Erwin say that he was happy, of course, Levi thought, but it was even better to hear him say that it was because  _ Levi  _ had done something to make him happy, and the fact that it had to do with how their burgeoning relationship was going just made it all the more incredible and wondrous. He could not help but feel optimistic for the future then, not when it was now so obvious that Erwin had no intention of ending things, and he was unable to stop from smiling this time, giving Erwin a small one before he leaned in again to kiss at his neck and jaw. 

This time he didn’t stop and eventually found Erwin’s lips too, his hands eagerly grabbing at Erwin’s shoulders to pull him closer as the pounding in his heart drew him past the need for words. It was too strong by then, he thought, for him to do anything but show Erwin how he felt, and so he kissed him hard, sliding a hand into his hair when Erwin responded just as excitedly and tugged Levi up against his chest so hard that he was practically dragged into his lap. Wrapped around each other like that, it was no wonder they got carried away and Levi lost himself to the embrace, practically unable to keep himself from doing so anytime, really, because of the way Erwin kissed him.

It was always in such a gentle, yet obviously excited way, he thought, and he held him so tightly that it felt like he didn’t want to let Levi go. Even then, after weeks of that and with memories of their baby steps at further intimacy still fresh in his mind, he couldn’t help but feel a bit awed that Erwin wanted him in this way, that it was so clear, too, because even someone like Levi could see how Erwin failed to hide it when his hands squeezed him so excitedly. His lips would curve up every so often too, Levi had noticed, while they kissed and as he’d grab at Erwin’s shoulders or drag a hand through his hair, everything about the way he’d hold him in response, really, suggesting that he considered it fucking amazing to even have Levi in his arms like that in the first place. 

Obviously, it was nice to be wanted like that, and it was no surprise that he forgot there was a pizza in the oven, and that they got carried away, either, his fingers already exploring underneath Erwin’s shirt for the second time that day before he found himself abruptly pushed over and onto his back, his head pressed against the cushions of the couch suddenly as Erwin moved to lie on top of him.

“Oh.” He uttered before he could help it, the single word of surprise stemming from the fact that...well, he hadn’t expected Erwin to flip them over like that.

Now they were in the same position they’d ended up in the night before, the one that had led to them fooling around for the first time after Erwin had confessed to his inexperience. This time, though, rather than being dragged over him by Levi’s actions Erwin had done it  _ himself _ , and the realization was enough to make both excitement and amusement flow through his belly — the former because Erwin was a quick learner, clearly, and the latter because he now looked surprised at himself, as if he hadn’t necessarily planned on climbing on top of Levi in the first place either.

His eyes were wide, Levi saw, but definitely bright and full of heat, as was his expression, which swept over Levi’s face and chest as if Erwin was taking in how he looked lying underneath him, the sight apparently doing enough to him to make his cheeks go ruddy as he swallowed. Before he could do anything Levi began rubbing at his shoulders and chest encouragingly, biting his lip and relishing at the feel of Erwin’s weight on top of him, wanting more of it, in fact, to tug him down for a kiss so that their chests and hips would be pressed together tightly.

Before he could, however, and before Erwin could find it in him to figure out what he was going to next, a loud beeping noise started sounding out from the kitchen. Immediately, of course, Levi realized what it was — the fucking oven timer signalling that the pizza was finally done baking — and despite the fact that he knew Erwin was starving, he still made a disgruntled face anyway, cursing both at the interruption and at himself for letting it happen. It wouldn’t have been that big of a deal if they’d just been kissing normally or something, he thought, but Erwin had just confidently rolled on top of him without his prompting, and after what he’d confessed to him yesterday he really,  _ really _ , wanted to see where he’d planned on that going.

Whatever, though. There would be time later. It was only late afternoon and he knew Erwin wasn’t going to leave after they’d eaten because they were planning on finishing their movie, of course, and even after that, it would only be early evening. If he was being honest, though, he wished Erwin didn’t have to leave at all and would stay the night again with him despite that fact — this time in his bed, obviously — but he wasn’t sure whether or not it was too much to ask, as a lot had happened in the past 24 hours that he probably needed to digest first.

Hell, even Levi felt that he hadn’t completely soaked in everything yet — that they’d gone from not fooling around at all before to jerking each other off to blowjobs, and that was just the physical stuff and didn’t even  _ include  _ things like the emotional conversation they’d just had — but it was alright, as he knew he would see Erwin the next day when he came back to work.

Huffing anyway, he frowned and muttered another curse as he sat up a bit, taking Erwin’s head in one hand so he could pull him down for one last quick kiss. He was still lying on top of him, Levi noticed, and looked like he wasn’t exactly sure what to do, but when he moved to sit up, Erwin twisted away to give him room, pushing himself up onto his knees and watching Levi with bright eyes while he stood from the cushions.

“Ah…” He started, his slightly awed but not-completely-sure-yet expression causing Levi to scoff before he could even continue.

“You gonna do that again later, big guy?” He asked him, wrapping his arms around Erwin’s neck from where he was still seated on the couch to kiss his cheek. “You felt good on top of me.”

Murmuring the words in what he  _ hoped  _ was a low, inviting tone near Erwin’s ear — so that he would know Levi was perfectly fine with what he did and he shouldn’t doubt himself, of course — Levi felt pleased when he immediately smiled, reaching out to hold Levi’s hip before he twisted his head around to give him an affirmative kiss on the lips. 

“Alright.” He said quietly, still wearing a warm expression by the time Levi had pulled away and drawn him off the couch.

As much as he’d wanted to stay and keep kissing Erwin like that, he knew he couldn’t, as if he didn’t get into the kitchen and get the damned pizza out of the oven soon it would burn. That would be fucking disastrous, he thought, because of how much he and Erwin —  _ especially  _ Erwin — had put into preparing it together, and he would be damned if he fucked up the cooking part when he’d told Erwin that would be his responsibility in the first place. Hurrying into the kitchen, he grabbed the oven mitts from earlier and pulled the pizza out carefully and as quickly as he could, thankfully finding that it looked perfect  _ and  _ delicious rather than singed — the bubbly cheese and crispy looking toppings making his mouth water as soon as he saw it.

By then, he realized, he’d actually gotten pretty hungry too, and he couldn’t imagine how Erwin fucking felt considering that he’d already been starving before they’d even gotten started cooking. He was surprised he hadn’t heard his stomach growl again, in fact, especially once they reached the kitchen and the smell of the pizza filled their nostrils, but however quiet his belly had been, Erwin’s excitement was now obvious in the awed way in which he was looking at their food.

“Wow.” He said, staring at it once Levi had set it down on a pizza rack. “That looks amazing.”

“Yeah.” Levi agreed, busying himself with getting out plates and napkins and a few beers to drink that he thought would pair well with their meal, chopping up some parsley to sprinkle on it while it cooled down a bit too.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of waiting even though it was only a few minutes, the cheese no longer looked like molten lava and Levi was able to slice the pizza up, bringing everything to the table so that they could eat together and dig in. As usual, Erwin expressed how much he liked it by telling Levi right away and then by eating half of his weight in food, his praise falling on ears that were all too ready to return some of it, because this time, of course, Levi had not cooked the meal alone. Erwin had helped and had picked out all of the toppings while he’d just provided instruction and baked the damned thing, and he’d done a good job, too, as it was flavorful and balanced just right, and Levi had no reason to doubt that if they’d made the sauce and dough from scratch they could have served it to people in a restaurant somewhere.

Making sure to tell Erwin that, Levi was rewarded with an almost bashful looking smile and a light blush, both of which were followed by Erwin’s almost automatic attempts at being modest, naturally.

“You helped.” He told Levi, gazing at him from across the table while he rolled his eyes.

“I just made sure it didn’t burn. You did the important shit.”

“Yes, but you told me how.”

“So? You still did it. That means you might not be so fucking hopeless at cooking after all.”

“I don’t know about that.” Erwin replied, chuckling at Levi’s comment but refraining from further argument nonetheless.

However much he seemed to doubt that he’d actually made a real, delicious meal, Erwin was sure to let Levi know that he’d enjoyed helping him in the kitchen, suggesting that they do it more often rather than have Levi cook for them both alone. Naturally, Levi was fine with that, of course, but he knew that he still wanted to prepare dinner for Erwin himself sometimes, as he just liked doing it, and there were things that he knew he would have to do on his own because of Erwin’s skill level. Not that it mattered, though, because he was just happy to hear another indication that Erwin liked spending time with him, and the carefree, lighthearted feeling he’d been having all day remained while they watched their movie after eating, curling up together on the couch to finish it once they had managed to clean up the kitchen.

Levi had to admit that the plot wasn’t  _ that  _ bad when he actually started paying attention to it rather than how to get Erwin to kiss him like he’d been doing the night before, and he was entertained enough to agree to watch the sequel that had just come out — something that they would have to do later, though, because despite his bewilderment at himself when he’d first done it before, Erwin was apparently itching to get on top of Levi again, barely able to pace himself after the movie was over before he was leaning over and pushing him down. Not that Levi cared though, of course, because he was still thinking about it too and just found Erwin’s eagerness both amusing  _ and  _ exciting, a thrill going through him when Erwin even shoved his knee in between Levi’s legs to spread them when Levi did not automatically do so himself.

He kissed him insistently too, and pressed his lips to Levi’s neck and took the initiative to push his shirt up first so that he could mouth more at his skin, sucking lightly and carefully at his collarbone once before he apparently took inspiration from what Levi had done earlier and began to toy with his nipples. He pressed his thumb over one and then licked and nibbled at the other for what several long, teasing minutes, seemingly relishing in the way it made Levi squirm and gasp, small noises falling from his lips as he arched his back that just caused Erwin to bear down and redouble his efforts.

By the time he was done he’d actually succeeded in getting Levi pretty worked up just from that, a hot, heavy sensation of arousal pooling in his stomach that had him panting and pawing at Erwin for more. Thankfully, he was ready and willing and determined to give it to him by then too, his hands moving to hastily undo Levi’s pants while he whispered encouragement in Erwin’s ear that soon turned into nothing but moans, desperate cries and gasps coming eventually too while Erwin worked his cock in his palm slowly, wanting to learn him and what he liked, apparently, carefully and with precision, his blue eyes wide and focused on Levi’s face the entire time until he finally came apart shuddering in his arms.

Of course, Levi was not going to let Erwin get off the couch without returning the favor, coaxing Erwin to an orgasm in much the same way as he had done the night before — by letting him grind against him and roll his hips while they kissed until he was done — except this time making sure he came into the middle of his hand rather than in his own pants. The come splashed onto his palm and made his grip slick while he continued to stroke Erwin until he collapsed on his chest, and afterward, still feeling quite excited himself, Levi brought his fingers up to his lips without even thinking twice, ignoring how his cheeks burned so that he could lick the wet mess off slowly with his tongue. Unable to help himself from savoring the taste, he kept his sharp eyes on Erwin the entire time too, some part of him enjoying how Erwin just stared at him in response with something like amazement and wonder struck awe on his face, his lips hanging open and his own cheeks ruddy as hell as he waited for Levi to get rid of every last drop. Only when he was finished did Erwin manage to tear his gaze away from Levi’s mouth for a second, swallowing thickly before he then sat up to kiss him, hungrily capturing his lips and apparently having no qualms about tasting himself on them as Levi  just grabbed at his neck. 

It was heated for a moment, enthralling and desperate despite the fact that they'd both just come, but eventually they did slow down, their movements growing lazy and more drawn out as the post-orgasmic bliss finally began to set in. At that point, it didn't take long for Erwin's head to end up back on Levi's chest again in much the same way as it had the night before, cradled in his arms while Levi basked in his warmth and his breathing began to grow deep and even. For a moment, Levi thought he was going to end up passing out again too before he eventually moved, shifting to stretch and then sit up slowly so that he could give Levi a sleepy looking, soft smile.

“That was…” He started, trailing off as his gaze flickered down to Levi's mouth, staring there for a moment, his thoughts  _ obviously _ on what he had just put into them before. “you’re…”

Raising an eyebrow, Levi watched him with a bit of amusement, finding it both funny and satisfying that licking come off his hand had apparently been enough to almost leave Erwin speechless.

“Incredible.” He said then though, managing to finish in such a way that Levi had to swallow a snort when he remembered what he was referring to.  

“Idiot.” He replied immediately, teasing Erwin as he ran his hands through his hair and basked in his words nonetheless. “You should talk.” 

“I think I could get used to doing that with you every day.” Erwin continued, lying his head back down and almost nuzzling Levi's belly. 

“Yeah.” Was Levi’s response, his heart fluttering in his chest from the thought. “No shit. Pizza, beer, and sex, what more could you want?”

“A nap.” Erwin said with an actual yawn, the timing of which along with his hooded eyes making it suddenly obvious to Levi how tired he probably was.

It wasn’t that late at night, he thought, but Erwin had slept on his couch the night before after staying up past midnight, waking up early as fuck too after what couldn’t have been the best round of shuteye he’d ever gotten to go work out at the gym. He’d then exercised, of course, and well...come  _ twice  _ in between the day’s other activities, and seeing as how Levi was very close to nodding off himself right then even after he had slept in that morning too, he could see how Erwin would be exhausted and probably longing to get some rest.

The nap he’d mentioned was impossible, though, because it was nearing 8:00 PM and the answer to what he needed by then was an actual good night’s sleep, and as much as Levi did not want to let Erwin go so that he could do just that, he knew he couldn’t keep him and that it was probably time. Forcing himself to move so that he could get them both off the couch, Levi helped Erwin get cleaned up again and ready to go home. Thankfully, enough time had passed by then since he’d had his last beer so that Levi knew he would be alright driving, but he still instructed Erwin to text him when he got home anyway after a brief moment of hesitation, as even  _ if  _ Erwin seemed more awake after walking around a bit, tired eyes and moving vehicles were not always something that should be mixed together.

He wasn’t really  _ that  _ worried anything would happen, of course, but he still felt a bit of relief when Erwin’s message came through about 30 minutes after he’d left, a simple  _ ‘I’m home now,’ _ popping up on his phone screen and causing him to relax back onto his pillow. By then he’d gotten ready for bed himself and had crawled in under the covers to wait for Erwin’s text, feeling quite sleepy too after he’d taken a quick shower and brushed his teeth. Telling Erwin ‘okay’ after he’d gotten his message, he then said ‘goodnight,’ expecting a simple reply back and nothing more before they both separately went to sleep.

Instead, however, what he got in the next second was a picture, a large image which lit up his screen and caused him to squint in confusion until he realized what it was: the photo of them that Erwin had taken earlier, of them both standing in front of the uncooked pizza together as if they were some sort of...couple.

_ I still don’t know if you want this. _ Erwin said too, while Levi stared at the image and felt his heart jump into his throat.  _ But I thought I’d send it to you. Goodnight. _

Afterward, Levi could not find it in himself to answer for at least five minutes. Seeing the picture, and of how they looked in it — so casual, he thought, even if Levi  _ was  _ wearing a strange sort of grimace like he’d suspected — made him pause for some reason, a strong rush of something warm going through him when he had the thought that they did indeed look like they were  _ together  _ together, and not just in some weird limbo where they made out in between eating meals. 

The way in which Erwin held his arm around Levi seemed to suggest it, as did Levi’s grip on Erwin’s bicep — which he didn’t remember grabbing, but whatever — and just the natural way that they both looked standing like that together, appearing like a couple in a  _ real  _ relationship that had been together a long time and cared about each other. The expression on Erwin’s face just made it seem that way even more, Levi thought, because upon closer inspection, it became obvious rather quickly that he was not actually looking at the camera.

Instead, Levi saw, Erwin was looking at  _ him  _ like he’d glanced away in the last moment or so, with a warm, soft smile on his face and an unmistakable hint of fondness in his eyes, the sight of it causing Levi to suddenly feel so flustered — with happiness, though — that he squirmed his way under his blanket as if he sought to hide his face. Feeling his heart pound in his chest, he marveled at it, taking in Erwin’s features that were contorted into something of pleasure and how comfortable he looked next to Levi several more times, sure, after a few moments of thinking, that no one had ever stared at him in that way before. 

It was almost surreal again, he thought, to see proof of Erwin’s affection even if he’d been told about it and had experienced it almost every day for the past few weeks, and he found himself saving it, making sure that he kept the picture Erwin had sent him somewhere safe so that he could look at it again later. It was normal to do so, after all, he told himself, because these were things that  _ normal  _ people in  _ normal  _ relationships did, and although whatever he and Erwin doing was not yet actually official, Levi couldn’t help but suspect that it would be very soon. 

How could even someone like him doubt it, he thought, when he now held visual proof of how close they had grown together in his hands? He couldn’t, and now, even though he had initially balked at the idea for a second or too, Levi found himself glad that Erwin had suggested taking the picture, biting his lip a moment later too when he realized he had not answered him yet. Although he didn’t feel concerned about it — Erwin didn’t seem to be expecting one anyway, as he had said goodnight to Levi with a note of finality — Levi wanted to give him one anyway, to  _ at least _ let him know that he didn’t mind the picture again since he had still expressed what seemed to be some doubt in his message. 

_ i wanted it. you can take pictures of me whenever you want, okay?  _ He said, glad when Erwin sent him an ‘alright’ with a smiley face back almost immediately.

_ Does that mean you like it? _ He asked too, obviously referring to the image itself rather than anything else.

_ Yeah. _ Levi answered right away, finding himself feeling so uplifted that he took a page from Erwin’s book of texting at the last moment, this time, thankfully, feeling a lot less awkward about doing it than he had the first time.  _ yeah, it’s not bad ;) _


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I want you to fuck me.” Levi had told Erwin, keeping in mind that it was probably the the best way to ensure it was amazing for both of them because Levi had done it before. “Think you can handle that?”

As it turned out, the picture Erwin took was not the last thing that would make Levi feel like they were a couple, that this was more than something casual and they worked well enough together for it to continue to grow. In the weeks after that, in fact, things became so natural and routine between them that Levi might have forgotten they  _ weren’t  _ a couple if he also hadn’t slowly become more and more consumed by the thought that it hadn’t been confirmed yet. 

Although they were familiar enough with each other by then so that it felt like it — for example, Levi could practically predict what would come out of Erwin’s mouth sometimes, and he now knew random, more private things about him like how eggs gave him gas and he didn’t think there was anything wrong with leaving his socks on while they fooled around in bed — neither one of them had said it out loud, and there still remained a handful of unspoken things hanging between them that Levi did not think he could go forever without hearing. 

It seemed to eat at him at times, the need to confirm that they  _ were  _ doing something serious or not even if, by then, he did not necessarily doubt that it would be. It was actually pretty obvious if he looked at it from an objective standpoint, he thought, which he was now able to do without too much doubt, as all the positive interactions and rewarding payoffs from the chances he’d taken had finally resulted in him having a more permanent and unerring sense of confidence about the matter. 

He was comfortable with Erwin, and felt secure and no longer spent time worrying about things going wrong between them for some stupid reason, mainly because he knew Erwin better and was certain that he wouldn’t throw this away all of a sudden or let it fall apart just because Levi said the wrong thing. Erwin cared about him, he knew — how could he not believe that, when Erwin would say such sweet things to him like  _ ‘I hate when I have to say goodbye to you,’ _ or  _ ‘I can’t stop thinking about you, ever,’  _ the former spoken to him on the first night that he finally stayed over and slept while holding Levi in his arms? — and enough of the surrealness had finally gone away for him to truly be convinced of it, so much so he supposed, at that point, it honestly did not make _ sense _ for them to not be a real couple.

They did all the things that people in a serious relationship probably did, and there were no signs that any of it bothered Erwin or made him uncomfortable. He didn’t seem to be ‘afraid of commitment’ or whatever — at least, according to Hange, who Levi had gone to for just a bit more advice after a few weeks had passed with Erwin staying over quite frequently and developing a routine with him that felt….well,  _ domestic _ — and after a few weeks passed, Levi felt that he couldn’t wait any longer and became determined to make things between them official. 

That was what Hange called it, he remembered, and what he knew that he wanted considering that he was practically burning up inside by then to just tell Erwin how he felt — no matter how nervous it made him, of course — to be sure that  _ he  _ knew and that  _ he  _ understood as well so that after two months since they’d first kissed, there would finally be no more unspoken, nagging questions floating around between the two of them while they were together.

With that in mind, Levi did not waste much time. He’d decided and he was going to go through with it and he felt that he owed it to Erwin anyway because he needed to know about how much he meant to Levi by then regardless of what his response would be, and so he planned another special, fancy dinner, one that they ate on his patio together as the sun went down on a clear, surprisingly cool evening. They chatted, of course, for most of it, but by the time they were finishing dessert a warm, contented silence had built between them, one that made Levi feel even more comfortable and sure of this than he had been before.

Feeling like he’d been about to burst with it anyway all throughout dinner, Levi took Erwin by surprise when he finally acted, opening his mouth, grabbing Erwin’s hand so suddenly that he almost jumped, and blurted out the one question that had been echoing around inside his head for what felt like a fucking eternity:  _ do you want to be my boyfriend? _

Saying it like that made Levi feel a bit silly, like he was in high school or something and he was asking Erwin to go out with him for the first time, but he knew there were only so many ways to establish this, and that either way, this one was certain to make it completely, irrevocably, and without a doubt perfectly clear just what it was exactly that Levi wanted from him. After asking him he stuttered through the rest of his confession before he gave him a chance to answer — explaining how he would like things between them to be real, that he cared about Erwin and valued him a lot, and that he wanted them to have a future together as long as he wanted that with Levi too — and watched as Erwin’s eyes grew wider and wider while he listened to him, his entire body going rigid in a way that might have made Levi worry had he not been so surprisingly calm.

Perhaps it was the way that Erwin at least squeezed his hand while he spoke that assured him, but regardless, he managed to finish without getting too red-faced and squirmy from where he sat, and blessedly, did not have to wait any longer at all for Erwin’s answer. Not even a second after he’d stopped talking, in fact, Erwin made up for his prior inaction by all but bolting out of his seat, standing up so that he could lean over where Levi was sitting, place his hands on the arms of the chair, and give him a warm, excited kiss, the shock of which caused Levi to drop the fork he’d been holding down onto his plate so that he could grab at Erwin’s arm for stability.

The metal made a clattering noise, of course, but neither one of them seemed to notice — especially Levi, who could only focus on how Erwin could not hold back his wide smile while he pressed their lips together. Although he had not technically responded out loud to his question, Levi thought then, he was pretty sure that he would hear exactly what he wanted to given  _ that  _  reaction, and he felt himself relax some then, sliding his arms around Erwin’s neck and allowing himself to melt into the kiss for a few moments until he finally pulled away.

“Hey, wait.” He said quietly, because even if he  _ was  _ certain that he wasn’t going to be shot down that night he still wanted to hear Erwin say it, Levi cupped one of his cheeks and eyed Erwin closely, swallowing down a swell of emotion when he saw that Erwin had smiled so widely that his dimples were showing in his cheeks. “Does that mean yes?”

“Of course.” Erwin answered right away, all but grinning now in a way that Levi — who felt so happy that he was nearly dizzy with it all — could not stop himself, for once, from mirroring. 

Practically jerking Erwin back towards him because of it then too, Levi found himself with nearly all of Erwin's thick bulk in his lap while they kissed, as he'd pulled him so hard on accident that he'd nearly lost his balance. Somehow remaining upright, though, Erwin just chuckled at his clearly overjoyed response and leaned into it, and it was probably a good thing that they were finishing up dessert by then, because they ended up in Levi's bed not long after, celebrating their newfound,  _ confirmed _ , closeness for a few hours until the clock eventually struck midnight. 

Only then did Levi clean up from dinner — Erwin fell asleep, but he didn't mind — before he went back to bed too, watching Erwin for a moment just before he turned his lights out and marveling at how  _ right  _ he looked just resting there. It made his heart ache until a warm, impossibly buoyant feeling blossom inside his chest to replace it, as he was now sure that Erwin belonged with him,  _ certain _ , for  _ real,  _ that he wanted to be there too and had no desire to go anywhere else. 

That was how, after meeting Erwin, after all the battles that he’d had with himself before he managed to ask him out — his reclusive attitude, his stubbornness, his denial that he was lonely, and his fears over how to make friends and then how to move beyond that — Levi, amazingly enough, found himself in the one thing that he wouldn’t have dreamed of having a year ago: a romantic relationship. He was happier, too, far more than he had expected to ever be again even a few steps up from his lowest point, and the thoughts of whether he deserved it or not no longer continued to plague his conscious.

By the time they’d made things official, in fact, Levi had actually started to wonder if his life was going to turn out alright in the end after all, that perhaps he  _ had  _ paid the price for what he’d done back then through his self-inflicted misery and could be allowed to move on, not to forget, of course, but to forgive himself so that he wouldn’t be doomed to suffer forever just because of the fact that he happened to still be alive in the first place. After all, he thought, it  _ had  _ been an accident, hadn’t it? Yes, it had been, and it hadn’t been his fault, either, right? 

Those were things that he had tried to tell himself in the years before, that he had never actually come close to believing until that point, but why else had Erwin come into his life? Why had he been the gardener he hired, after Shadis had fucked up during the very specific time that Erwin happened to need a job, that he happened to even be looking on craigslist in the first place to see Levi’s ad and decide to apply? The circumstances of everything falling into place so perfectly were such that Levi almost couldn’t accept that they were coincidental, and although he wasn’t sure that he necessarily believed in fate, he felt sure that it would be a mistake to question his luck and what he’d been given in a way that might potentially ruin it.

Because of that, he more than embraced it and allowed to himself to dream about all kinds of things that the future could possibly bring — confessions of love, Erwin moving in with him, spending their lives together and maybe even _marriage_ — and found the rest of the summer almost passing by in a carefree, contented blur, enjoyable for him without any guilt or worries or _fear_ whatsoever over the way he and Erwin continued to grow closer, closer, and closer still with each day that passed, how their relationship progressed and how they complemented each other, too, how they adapted and learned and cultivated what they had started in every single, every emotional and _physical_ way possible, too.

Right then, they mostly just so happened to be focused on the latter, as although Levi was astounded at how much fulfillment he could find in being close to another person in the other way, they still hadn’t had sex yet, and he wasn’t sure how much longer he was going to be able to wait. Fortunately, it did not take long after they made things official for them to actually have a conversation about it, as Erwin had been holding both their cocks in one big hand and the feeling of them moving together had simulated sex  _ so much _ that Levi had not been able to keep from fingering himself. Obviously Erwin took notice — it seemed to get him even more excited than he already had been at the time, in fact — and then asked Levi after they’d finished and cooled down if he’d done it himself because Erwin wasn’t satisfying him enough since they hadn’t gone further. 

The thought was completely ridiculous, of course, because that wasn’t the case at all, but the conversation led to them at least admitting that they wanted to, without a doubt,  _ fuck  _ at some point, something that caused a great amount of anticipation to grow stronger and stronger for the both of them almost every day. It was very distracting and Levi was sure that they could both feel it even if they didn’t say it, and obviously, it didn’t help either when they continued to do pretty much everything  _ but  _ that, as there were plenty of other things for Levi to show Erwin that he hadn’t experienced before that could be just as fun. 

He enjoyed ‘teaching’ him in a way, even if it was really the both of them learning what the other liked at the same time, too, and found it gratifying to see how Erwin changed the more time they spent in bed, as by then, he exhibited none of the bashfulness that he had on that fateful night when Levi had first pulled him down on top of his body while they’d been sitting on the couch. No, by then, Levi mused, he no longer waited for Levi to take the lead in things like that, and he no longer hesitated or seemed uncertain about the ways in which he wanted to touch him or kiss him, apparently feeling completely confident and comfortable with himself and with Levi in the bedroom after enough experience — which was, of course, ample, considering Erwin’s age and the fact that Levi’s sex drive had been resuscitated and returned to him from whatever shallow grave it had gotten buried in when he’d been struggling so much. 

It was so strong now, in fact, that Levi sometimes felt like he was fucking 21 too instead of preemptively fucking a 21 year old, which made him glad because it meant that he didn’t have to worry about keeping up, and that he was able to provide — and was all too happy to do so — Erwin with all the encouragement that he needed when they ended up between the sheets. Levi was not entirely sure how much more Erwin really required by then though, as he could make  _ Levi  _ flush with sheer, shamefaced arousal more often than the other way around now, but it was fun and enjoyable and Erwin liked it, and all of the communication just made them grow that much more close emotionally too. It had gotten to the point where Levi now trusted Erwin to do pretty much whatever he wanted to him without hurting him — including fucking him in the ass, which was….well, the way that they’d eventually decided to do it the very week before it actually happened. 

“I want you to fuck me.” Levi had told Erwin, keeping in mind that it was probably the the best way to ensure it was amazing for both of them because Levi had done it before. “Think you can handle that?”

“I…. _ yes.” _ Erwin had said decidedly, his eyes wide and an almost taken aback look on his face that  _ still  _ showed he was completely fine with the idea.

Not that he objected to Levi bending him over and doing the same thing to him either, though, because just talking about the possibility afterward had been enough to make him hard, but Levi also couldn’t get over how much he practically  _ ached  _ to have Erwin’s dick in his his ass by then. He’d touched it so many times at that point, he thought, and put it in his mouth enough so that he basically had the entire damned thing memorized, and he dreamed of how it would feel inside him, how incredibly satisfying it would be to have something that firm and large filling him up after all the times before where his own fingers and toys had not been enough. 

There was also the tantalizing thought of Erwin applying all his bulk, energy, and strength to fucking him while Levi lay underneath, his imagination providing him with  _ plenty  _ of possibilities regarding how hard he could thrust into him or the way his size might press Levi into the mattress while he was doing it. Would he hold him down or keep him still? Did he like it more on the rough side, or would he be slow and gentle with him? Since it was his first time, Levi knew that it wouldn’t be far fetched at all to assume that it would be the latter, especially since that was how Erwin had already proven to be whenever they tried something new. This would be different though, Levi thought, because sex could be more intimate and more….well, intense, and although Erwin had exhibited a strong sense of self-control so far, he couldn’t help but wonder if fucking him would be enough for him to let go. 

The thought was more than arousing, obviously, because Levi wouldn’t mind being manhandled by Erwin even if he wasn’t sure he was willing to admit that out loud, but still, either way he wasn’t concerned that he would be disappointed. Instead, he knew, it would be amazing no matter the pace or how it went, just because of the fact that he would be doing it with  _ Erwin  _ — who he was now in a real romantic relationship with, of course — which would automatically make it all the more special. 

He had to tell Erwin as much when he expressed doubt about his performance once or twice, suggesting to Levi that it might be bad because he wouldn’t know what to do. It was a concern that he wasn’t surprised about, not really, as he was pretty sure he’d worried the same kind of shit when he’d been young and experiencing things for the first time too, but Levi could not imagine any scenario where he wouldn’t enjoy it. 

Also, he knew, things would come naturally to Erwin once they got started, as thrusting wasn’t exactly rocket science and….well, he had already proven to Levi that he was more than capable of doing that. They’d fooled around enough times and done so many other things that he was completely sure of it, in fact, and a few nights before they ended up finally going through with it, he proved that he already had the motions down pat, at least, in a way that had Levi nearly giving in to his whims right then and there.

“When?” Erwin asked him, repeating the same question that he had posed to Levi several other times before that. 

Because he always did it while playfully grabbing his ass or climbing over Levi while they were on the couch, he never had any doubt in his mind of what Erwin was asking about, something that delighted him more than he might have thought because it demonstrated Erwin’s impatience. Normally, Levi knew, he was more reserved when it came to waiting and could handle it even if he became desperate, but it was clear that the anticipation had gotten to  _ him  _ too, and the thought that Erwin apparently wanted to fuck him that badly gave him an excited, lustful thrill that he almost couldn’t contain.

Somehow he managed at first, despite the fact that Erwin showed it this time by settling himself in between Levi’s legs after they’d crawled onto the bed after dinner, fitting their hips together and rocking against him in a clear imitation of thrusting that had Levi’s mouth going dry. It was because he could feel the hard, clothed outline of Erwin’s cock pressing up against his balls when he moved, and the thought of it being somewhere  _ else  _ between thighs too was difficult to resist. Still, though, he swallowed and raised his eyebrows, waiting until Erwin had dropped a kiss to his lips before he finally managed to respond. 

“I dunno.” He said, with a coy note in his tone. Even if he wanted it just as badly too, he thought, he couldn’t help but enjoy how easily Erwin seemed to be able to get worked up when he teased him. “You sure you’ll fit?”

“Yes. I’ll fit.” Erwin replied, a smile on his face as he lowered his lips to Levi’s again. 

This time they stayed there a bit longer, as Levi had reached up to grab at Erwin’s biceps after rubbing at his chest a bit sensually.

“Mm. It’s gonna be tight though.” He murmured a second later too, breaking the kiss to speak and fighting back a smile at just how quickly Erwin’s pupils seemed to dilate at that. 

It was amusing, he thought, but also exciting, and he very slowly and pointedly slid his hands up and along Erwin’s shoulders and neck, his teasing pace seeming to set him on fire just as it apparently was Erwin. Unable to resist after Erwin shifted his hips again, Levi pulled him back down abruptly for another kiss, this one remaining far from quick when Levi opened his mouth and wrapped his arms around Erwin’s neck a moment later, holding him close like that so he could grind his own erection against Erwin’s too. 

Naturally, Erwin responded almost instantly by pressing back into him, rolling his hips again and again while Levi did the same and their lips continued to move together. With the excitement increasing and no reason to stop, it was no surprise that they became lost enough in it to establish some sort of rhythm, their movements hindered somewhat by their clothes but doing nothing to lessen the lust building in Levi’s belly — especially when it simulated the sex that was very clearly on both their minds, and when the friction on Levi’s cock was still good enough to nearly make him gasp.

“You wanna fuck me?” He panted instead once Erwin had pulled away again, only doing so because he was apparently intent on planting his mouth on Levi’s neck instead. 

“Yes.” He breathed into it, nodding once too and thrusting his hips forward harder as if he was trying to show Levi just how much. “Please, Levi. I want you so badly.”

“You think you're ready?”

“I was ready the day I met you.”

Levi snorted at that, arching all the same so that he could keep rutting against Erwin and baring his throat to give him more access. “Yeah? Is this how you're gonna do it?”

Obviously referring to the way Erwin was basically fucking himself up against Levi's groin now, Levi reached behind him just to be clear, planting both his palms over Erwin's ass to squeeze him there and push his hips up into his even harder. 

“I don't know, maybe.” Erwin said in response, his voice hitching a bit while his fingers suddenly began to slide up underneath the hem of Levi's t-shirt. 

“You don't know?”

“No. I just want to be inside you first, Levi.”

“Fuck.” Levi all but groaned at that, feeling such a sudden surge of heat from Erwin's words that he immediately flushed. 

“I'll fuck you however you want.”

_ “Erwin.” _ Levi gasped at that, squirming, too, because Erwin had nipped at his neck and placed on large palm over his waist to hold him. “What if I want it hard?”

“Then I’ll do it hard.”

“Show me.”

With a small, almost amused smile on his face, Erwin shifted so that he could do just that, thrusting against him so hard that it rocked both Levi  _ and  _ the bed, the sheer force and obvious strength behind it causing him to actually groan. The sound was muffled, however, because Erwin had bent to kiss him again, eagerly licking into his mouth and continuing to rock against the bottom of his ass so firmly that Levi’s head was spinning. Obviously, the imitation of what he wanted the most was getting to him along with the light pleasure he felt as a result of Erwin's administrations, and  if he closed his eyes, he couldn't help but fantasize about what it would be like if Erwin  _ really _ was inside of him moving like that. 

It wasn't anything that he hadn't thought about before, of course, but right then, with Erwin talking about how much he wanted to do it while he simultaneously and almost shamelessly grinded himself against Levi's ass….well, needless to say, it took all of his self-control not to roll them both over and ride Erwin’s cock until he couldn't think anymore. Was there any reason why he couldn't, he wondered? After all, they'd planned everything else about it except for an actual time, and they'd made an effort not to rush through all that they had done before that. 

They'd both made the mutual decision to do so, but it was pretty clear by then that Erwin, at least, felt that they had fulfilled the obligations they'd set and had waited long enough. It wasn't necessary surprising, but did Levi feel the same? He certainly wanted Erwin in that way so badly that he thought he might fucking die, of course, but was it still too soon? Would it be  _ special _ enough? That concern was one that Levi had kept in mind this entire time because of Erwin’s inexperience, but right then, he suddenly found himself realizing that it was important for him, too. 

He may have had sex before, he thought, but it had not happened for a long, long time, and certainly never with someone he cared so much about. All of his past encounters had just been one night stands or with someone who he’d never intended on having a relationship with, and he couldn’t help but want his time with Erwin to be different. Obviously, he knew it would be regardless of what happened — connecting with Erwin like that meant so much more to him than just a way to get off — but he didn’t want to just throw himself at Erwin randomly as if nothing else mattered, as he wanted to remember the experience and make sure that everything was….well, completely  _ perfect _ . 

The only way to do that was to do it at the right time, but still, Levi did not necessarily think it  _ wasn’t  _ the right time — at least in general. Perhaps they could set a date and make a night of it so that they could ensure that it wouldn’t be just like another roll in the hay, deciding for sure that they’d waited long enough and they had done the best they could not to rush through everything so that it would be special. With that in mind, Levi shifted from where Erwin had kissed him heatedly again as if to propose the idea, knowing that it would make Erwin happy even if they were already in the middle of something else. 

No sooner had he opened his mouth to do so, however, then Erwin was suddenly shoving a hand between them to fumble with the zipper on Levi’s pants, popping open the button too so that he could reach inside to grab at his cock. Gasping, Levi’s eyelids fluttered open and closed for a moment as he arched into the touch, whatever words he’d been about to say dying on his lips with Erwin now stroking him steadily. At the same time, he continued to rut up against Levi’s groin and mouth at his neck, pleasuring Levi like that for a moment before he moved to open up his own pants. 

Within another second, he had both their dicks inside his hand, holding them together tightly enough so that they slid against each other pleasurably each time they moved together — which, of course, they started doing without skipping a beat. The pre-come from both of them made it slick and allowed Erwin’s fingers to jerk them both off at the same time, too, and it didn’t take long for Levi to start moaning, the quiet gasps he was making quickly turning into them because of the quick rhythm they established. 

It was a bit desperate too, Levi noticed, because they both seemed to be turned on almost more than they could bear from all the grinding they’d done against each other, which resulted in the pleasure building quickly, the familiar, hot coil of tension tightening inside Levi’s belly so fast that it was going to his head,  _ everything  _ — including Erwin’s heavy weight on top of him, the way in which his knees spread Levi’s legs wide open, and the ever present thought of being fucked hanging in the back of his mind — causing Levi to realize that he was going to come before he even knew what had hit him. 

Biting his lip hard, he dug his heels into the mattress so that he could thrust up into Erwin’s palm harder, reaching for Erwin’s blonde head at the same time to drag him back to his mouth for a kiss. Before he could do that, though, Erwin used his free hand to pull Levi’s away, wrapping his fingers around his wrist tightly and bringing it back down to the bed. He held it there, a bit firmly too, Levi felt, and although he was far from being pinned, the sudden implication of it behind Erwin’s movements had a renewed jolt of arousal lancing through him like lightning.

Opening his eyes from where he’d been squeezing them shut, Levi looked up at Erwin to find that he was staring at him intently, an almost dazed expression on his face from what they were doing but with a heated hint, too, his lips parting a bit as he panted and brazenly glanced over his features. It wasn’t surprising that he was doing that, Levi thought, not really, because he’d learned almost right away after they’d  _ really  _ started exploring each other that Erwin liked to watch him. 

He’d told Levi as much by then too, of course, naturally adding things about how beautiful he looked like that and it made  _ him  _ feel good to see how much Levi enjoyed the things they did which had made him flush, Erwin’s propensity for it no doubt being helped by the fact that he had no problems putting on a show just to see Erwin’s reaction. Half the time he didn’t even do it on purpose though, but whatever, it just made everything that much more thrilling, and right then, especially, meeting Erwin’s eye when Levi was pretty sure he knew exactly what he was thinking about — the same thing as him: real, actual sex — along with how Erwin held his hand to the bed was enough to nearly rocket him over the edge.

“Fuck.” He gasped, flexing in his grip a bit — gently, because he had no intention of actually trying to break it — and throwing his other arm over his head in similar position, making himself lie prone beneath Erwin since he apparently wanted that with the exception of his moving hips, unable to still those even if he wanted to because of how desperately he was now reaching for release. Arching, he thrusted up into Erwin’s hand and shivered when the slick slide of his cock against Erwin’s sent sparks of pleasure shooting up his spine, his breath hitching in his throat too as the muscles in his belly and thighs drew up with tension. “I’m gonna come. Erwin, I’m gonna come.”

In response to his cries, Erwin just made sure to keep going, finally tearing his gaze away from Levi’s face for one second so that he could again kiss at his neck. This time, he sucked a mark just over his collarbone and then grazed his teeth over it, moving the fingers of his hand holding Levi’s wrist to the bed so that he could entwine them both together. With things reaching a crescendo, Levi’s mouth fell open in a wordless moan as all the tight heat that had been building inside abruptly released in an intense, pleasurable rush after a few more seconds, the sensations flooding through his body and causing him to shake like he was coming apart underneath Erwin’s bulk. 

Vaguely, Levi sensed that his own movements had not stopped and that things had grown wet and messy between their legs from how he’d spilled everywhere, and he bit his lip as the pleasure slowly faded into a more gentle hum while Erwin worked to finish himself off, managing to roll his hips lazily a few times, too, as if to help when he sensed how tense Erwin was above him. He could feel it in his muscles where they touched and in the way he moved his hand jerkily, his breath coming in desperate sounding gasps as he too reached the edge and fell over it. The sound he made in response was something between a noisy exhale and a groan, and he all but collapse to the side not even a second later, rolling off Levi in an effort to keep him from having to support his full weight. 

Lying on his back, he rested his arms above his head in the same position that Levi had been in beneath him, his prone, apparently exhausted bearing coming across as somehow both amusing to Levi and satisfying at the same time.  A second later and he was turning over himself so that he could curl up against Erwin’s side too, feeling warm and fond and perfectly sated in a way that made his eyelids droop. He could probably fall asleep right then, in fact, if there hadn’t still been something on his mind, something that he wasn't  _ not _ going to propose to Erwin just because they hadn't even managed to catch their breathe yet. The decision he'd made earlier had excited him, he thought, and he knew it would Erwin too, and he didn’t want to wait any longer than necessary to share it with him.

“Hey.” He said with that thought, shifting his head so that he could look up at Erwin. Naturally, he smiled at Levi and wrapped an arm around his back so he could almost soothingly rub at it with his hand — the one without come all over it, thankfully — and Levi reached to push blonde hair out his eyes before he continued. “How about Friday night?”

“Friday night? For what?” Erwin asked in response, raising an eyebrow and watching as Levi bit his lip and then pushed himself up onto an elbow.

“You know. That  _ thing  _ you were asking about earlier.”

Adopting a coy expression after that, Levi waited approximately one second for Erwin to realize that he was talking about sex, his eyes widening when he did so in a way that was almost comical. 

“You mean—

“Yeah.”

“That’s fine with me.”

“I’m sure it is.” Levi snorted, feeling amused at Erwin’s quick response and at the way he smiled at him almost sheepishly. 

“Are you sure though?” Erwin asked next, however, a look of genuine concern crossing his features even as his eyes remained bright. “If you’re not ready for whatever reason, we don’t—

Teasingly, Levi interrupted by covering Erwin’s mouth with one palm, the movement naturally halting his words and causing another smile to break out onto his face instead. He could feel it against his skin, Levi thought, and see it in the way Erwin’s cheeks lifted and how his eyes crinkled adorably, and after a moment, he couldn’t resist replacing his hand with his lips, giving him a slow, warm, and deep kiss that hopefully showed him how ready he was even before he could say it. 

“I’m ready.” He said eventually though, feeling himself flush but ignoring it in favor of thinking about how fucking sweet Erwin was for suggesting that they push it back even more — especially when it was clear that  _ he  _ was ready, at least, and that Levi was now the one who was making him wait. “You know how much I’ve been thinking about you fucking me? A lot.”

“Me too.” Erwin murmured in response, his cheeks having turned rosy all over again after everything.

He paused for a moment and then drew Levi in for another quick kiss, hugging him afterward, too, before Levi threw a leg over his middle and curled up even closer. 

“Yeah?” He asked too, unable to resist idly teasing Erwin even if he already had no doubt just how fucking much he had actually been thinking about it.

“Yes. About how I can make you feel good. I hope I do. I want to.”

Feeling another swell of warmth, Levi scoffed as per usual at the implication that Erwin might be doubting himself, as he was pretty sure that it was impossible for Erwin to  _ not  _ make him feel good — especially after what they’d just done, and the very exciting, very  _ promising  _ way in which he’d all but jerked his hips into him and held Levi’s wrist down — and he could almost not fathom how Erwin could think otherwise when he’d so obviously stared at Levi as he had moaned and writhed beneath him.

“You already do, idiot. Weren’t you paying attention when you were watching earlier?”

“I—

“You sure like looking at me while we do that. Who would have thought you’d turn out to be such a pervert?”

At that, Erwin laughed so loudly — obviously, he knew Levi was teasing him again — that it seemed to shake the bed beneath them both, his arms tightening around him too for a brief moment before he kissed the top of his head. 

“You should talk.” He said, his comment earning a fresh snort from Levi but nothing else, as he couldn’t find it in him to argue. “You were the one telling me to move like that.”

“Yeah, whatever. It’ll feel good however you do it though, I told you.” He said instead after a brief pause, going back to what Erwin had proclaimed earlier so that he could at least  _ try  _ and reassure him in a non-teasing way, too. “For both of us.”

“That’s what I’m worried about.” Erwin replied, chuckling again. 

“What do you mean?”

“I’d rather not have a repeat of what happened on the couch that one night.”

Raising an eyebrow, Levi glanced up at Erwin from where he’d laid his head back down on his chest before he realized what he meant a moment later: he didn’t want to come too soon. That was what had happened the first time they’d fooled around, of course, which was what he was referencing, but it wasn’t something Levi was concerned about even if he  _ had  _ considered it to be a possibility.

“It won’t matter.”

“But then I won’t…..I mean, you—

“I’ll what? Have to wait 5 fucking minutes for you to get hard again?”

“Ah….”

“Or end up getting off some other way? Sounds horrible.” 

Speaking sarcastically, of course, Levi rolled his eyes teasingly and was rewarded with a smile from Erwin a few moments later, the slight, worried lines that had appeared between his brows eventually melting away at Levi’s words. Part of it probably had to do with that fact that Levi had reached down to all but grope at his cock too — to prove his first point, as Erwin was 21 years old and already had a hard-on again just from talking about all of this shit, apparently — a blissful expression now crossing his features instead before he finally chuckled and then rolled over to face him.

“I suppose you’re right.” He admitted, kissing Levi once as he shifted to get comfortable in the new position. “Thank you.”

Levi’s cheeks flushed a bit at that — the gratefulness in Erwin’s voice because of his mild reassurance was ridiculous, as he didn’t think it had been  _ that  _ big of a deal — and he only made a noise under his breath in response, melting into Erwin’s kiss and closing his eyes when they did not break apart. Lazily, they moved their lips together like that for a few minutes and just reveled in the other’s presence, eventually managing to climb off the bed so that they could wash off together. They took a quick shower together and then brushed their teeth at the sinks — Levi had two, and the second one had all but become Erwin’s by then — before they crawled back into bed, curling up under the blankets to watch some television together before going to sleep.

That had pretty much become their routine whenever Erwin stayed over to spend the night, which now happened far more often than it did not. Any day he came to work, in fact, he would sleep there the night before because it allowed him more rest, and the nights he had off, too, he would stay so that they could spend even more time together. Usually when that happened they would cook something or Erwin would help Levi with the small vegetable garden he had started for him in his backyard by then, or they would just lounge around on the couch instead, watching TV or a movie or just sitting quietly while Erwin read a book and Levi fooled around online. 

It was nice, Levi thought at times, to have companionship like that even when they weren’t actually fucking doing anything, and he almost dreaded the times when Erwin had to leave now more than he already had before, thinking to himself after he was gone each time that his house seemed terribly cold and empty without him. Fortunately, he stayed more often than not and when he didn’t they would spend nearly the entire time they were apart texting or talking on the phone, their conversation lasting so late one night that Levi fell asleep with his cell plastered to his ear. 

Falling asleep before Erwin proved to be something that he was good at, he would learn the more that he spent the night, finding that it was hard for him to stay awake for a long time past midnight if they were cuddling in bed while watching TV — especially when he was all sated from fooling around and warm because of the shower or bath they’d taken together. That night was no different, naturally, and he felt his eyes drooping from where he was resting his head on Erwin’s middle. Erwin had an arm around his shoulders and he was nice and toasty because of how he was curled up against him and from all of the blankets and pillows tucked around them both, and it was all he could do to concentrate on the home remodeling show they were watching, instead finding himself quickly being lulled to sleep by the sounds of Erwin’s heartbeat and the rise and fall of his chest while he breathed. 

One moment, he knew, he was snorting at something stupid that was said on TV and adjusting his fingers from where they were interlocked with Erwin’s, and the next he was gently being rolled over onto his pillow, briefly realizing that all the lights were off and the room was silent and Erwin was kissing his cheek while he shifted to hold him from behind, only managing to let out some kind of groan in response to Erwin’s whisper of ‘good night’ before he lost consciousness again and drifted back into sleep.

The next morning when he awoke, he was much more coherent, opening his eyes around 9:30 AM to the sounds of bird chirping outside and Erwin softly snoring beside him. He was lying on his stomach at that point, his head facing away from Levi and his legs spread out enough so that they had been entangled with his own, one arm outstretched towards the edge of the mattress too in a way that made his position look rather comical. If Levi’s bed had not been so large, in fact, his elbow would have probably been hanging off of it, but thankfully he had the biggest size in existence so that a damn giant like Erwin would fit.

That was what Levi thought while he sat up next to Erwin to look him over, feeling fondness, of course, rather than anything else because he always looked so fucking….well,  _ cute  _ when he was sleeping. It was a sight that he got to see often, too, because Erwin rarely woke up before he did — he liked to sleep in, and even if Levi did too he had gotten used to rising first so that he could cook or clean some while he was alone — and one that he always paused for a moment to take in, letting his eyes rove over Erwin’s peaceful expression and messy hair and how the sunlight filtering in from his windows played across his bare skin. 

His eyelashes practically looked golden against his cheeks because of it, and the sight of all of him there like that in Levi’s bed was something that he wasn’t sure that he would ever get used to. Even if he did, he thought, he would certainly never get tired of seeing it, at least, as he’d found himself staring for a moment like this from the very first time that Erwin had stayed with him, soaking in the fact that Erwin was there with him at all too and that he had woken up beside him after they had slept together. 

For reasons that Levi had not really figured out until  _ after  _ he’d experienced it a few times, that meant a lot to him. It signified trust, he thought, and felt just as intimate somehow as some of the other, physical things they did together, perhaps because of the fact that he wouldn’t have shared a bed like this even innocently with just anyone. People were vulnerable when they slept, he knew, unprotected by whatever guards they might have had up in wakefulness after they’d closed their eyes and finally slipped away, and for someone like him that was, needless to say, a pretty big deal.

Even if Erwin didn’t consider it like that it still was to Levi, and he couldn’t help but feel a bit awed, he supposed, that Erwin allowed him to see such a soft, open, and tangible side of himself like that, the fact that he was probably one of the very few people who had ever been allowed to do so also not becoming lost on him either. It was nice, he thought, to wake up and immediately be reminded of the feelings that they now knowingly shared together, so much so that it was probably a miracle sometimes that he even managed to get out of bed and leave Erwin there to do anything else.

Staying and curling up next to Erwin while he continued to sleep always sounded much nicer than the other shit he could be doing — especially because he was usually undressed, and Levi couldn’t help but admire how good he looked naked in his bed along with all of the emotional stuff either — but if he did that then he would miss out on something else that he really enjoyed: making Erwin breakfast. 

Really, he thought, it was making them both breakfast because they always shared it together, either downstairs at the table if Erwin had woken up or in bed if he had not. Levi would bring it back up to him on a tray if he had failed to rise before he was finished — which almost always roused him nearly right away, of course — and they would take their time eating whatever fancy breakfast dish that Levi had decided to make, seeing it as way to treat Erwin to more delicious food in a way that was somehow more special than when he did so with dinner. 

He’d made crepes with fresh fruit, omelets and things like huevos rancheros and french toast, among other things, of course, but that morning, he decided, he was going to make pancakes with a side of bacon. Obviously he was going to prepare the batter from scratch, he thought after he had finally managed to slip out of bed and tiptoe his way downstairs — after stealing Erwin’s shirt, which was another habit he’d fallen into — and then layer them with fresh peaches, topping it all off with some chopped pecans, whipped cream, and a drizzle of chocolate that he knew Erwin would appreciate. 

He had a weakness for sweets, Levi had realized by then, to the point that he sometimes wondered if there were things Erwin  _ wouldn’t  _ eat if it had chocolate or caramel on it, and considering that he liked making Erwin happy with food, he was all too glad to make it all the more delicious for him. With that in mind, he got started in the kitchen, first making a cup of tea for himself so that he'd hopefully feel more awake while he did so. He also got coffee going for Erwin — he preferred it, for some fucking reason — and after an hour of cooking alone, it became apparent to him that Erwin was not going to wake up and join him downstairs. 

Finding no problem in that, of course, because he never had the heart to wake Erwin up when he was snoozing so peacefully, he got out the large tray he used to bring him their breakfast in bed, and began arranging things delicately on it before he finally started plating the pancakes. 

He'd made a peach compote too and layered that in between them like he'd planned, of course, adding more on top as a garnish along with the whipped cream, chocolate, and pecans that he'd chopped up earlier. Resting on smaller plates beside the main dish was the bacon, and after all of that he prepared Erwin's coffee and more tea for himself and then carefully began to take all of it upstairs with some water. By the time he reached his bedroom door he could hear Erwin’s deep, even breathing and deduced that he was, in fact, still asleep, practically snorting too when he turned the corner and saw that he’d somehow managed to roll over and spread out even more to take up most of the bed. 

Presumably because of all his shifting, the sheets had gotten tangled between his legs which had pulled them down below his waist, the top of one pale, amusingly white — in comparison to his torso, at least, which was tanned because of how much he worked shirtless in the yard now — ass cheek visible from where he was now lying on his side. Unable to stop himself from admiring it just for a second, Levi paused and then eventually walked around the bed, something about his presence there causing Erwin to stir this time even if he was being quiet. He opened his lids to squint at Levi around the same time that he was setting the tray of food on the corner of the bed, in fact, his attention shifting from that to the clock to Levi again, closing his eyes back for another second to roll over onto his back and stretch so that he could offer him a sleepy smile. 

“Levi.” He mumbled, managing after what seemed like a great effort on his part to sit up some on one elbow. “You should have woken me up.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Levi replied immediately, a statement which he was all used to saying during these times, as Erwin couldn’t get used to the fact that he continued to bring him breakfast in bed, apparently. 

“I would have helped.”

“I know.”

“That looks like it took a long time.”

“It wasn’t bad.”

“What is it? Pancakes?”

“Yeah, and bacon.” Levi told him, watching Erwin and feeling fond as he seemingly very slowly woke up. Yawning, he rubbed at his eyes and then sat up a bit more so that he could look at the food, eventually ending up propped against the headboard with a number of pillows behind him so that Levi could hand him his coffee. “There’s a peach compote layered in between them, and I added nuts. And chocolate. Extra for you.”

Looking everything over with interest while Levi explained, Erwin smiled when he mentioned the chocolate, pausing for another moment before he met Levi’s eye again and shook his head. “You’re spoiling me. You don’t have to do this every morning, I—

“Yeah, whatever.” Levi interrupted, taking the opportunity to climb back into bed before Erwin could further protest. Sitting cross-legged beside him, he drew the blankets up over his knees and then reached for the tray of food, pulling it closer so that they could both take their plates even as they both shifted to rest up against each other. “I want to. Just eat it.”

“I will, don’t worry.” Erwin said in response to that, chuckling a bit as if to indicate that the thought of him  _ not  _ eating it was completely ludicrous. 

Even if he hadn’t meant that, Levi knew that it was anyway, because he’d learned by then that however much Erwin ate at dinner he could practically double at breakfast. True enough, he basically inhaled the pancakes — resting his coffee on the tray when he wasn’t drinking it — and then used his fork to scrape nearly every bit of sauce and pieces of pecan off the plate, only slowing down a bit when he started munching on the bacon as Levi continued to work on his own meal. 

“That was delicious.” Erwin said as per usual, managing to sound just as impressed and grateful as he had the first time he’d eaten Levi’s cooking even though he’d probably tasted it a hundred different times by then, lowering his head to kiss Levi’s cheek after he spoke, his breath smelling like coffee and peaches and somehow nothing that Levi wanted to stay away from. 

Shifting, he swallowed down a bite of pancake and then turned, scoffing as he first wiped a bit of whipped cream from the corner of Erwin’s mouth before he pressed their lips together. Erwin smiled into it, of course, and then finished off his coffee and bacon and the last few bits of Levi’s portion that he was too full to eat too, ending up with his head pillowed in Levi’s lap once he had pushed the tray aside again to make room. Like that, they remained lazing around in bed for a while as Levi ran his hands through Erwin’s hair in a comfortable silence, the fact that Erwin had slung an arm over his legs and kept rubbing his thigh being the only thing that signaled to Levi he was still awake.

He would not have been surprised if Erwin had fallen back asleep again like that, but somehow he managed not to, only yawning a few times while Levi remained quiet and lapsed into thoughtfulness above him. He found himself reflecting on things for a bit, he noticed, or at least on what had happened the night before and on what they had now  _ finally  _ made plans to do, and he couldn’t help but feel excited all over again while thinking about it, happiness flooding through him almost even more than the lustful anticipation did as he sat there.

Right away, he began thinking about what he could make them for dinner or the things he could do to make that night different than all the rest, feeling that the time he would spend with Erwin before they ended up in bed was just as important to him as all of that was. At the same time he realized that he hadn’t gotten a chance to propose any of that to Erwin, though, remembering that they’d only talked about the deed itself and nothing else before they’d gotten distracted with showering and eventually going to sleep.

“Hey.” He said with that thought, his voice coming out quiet as if it would somehow disrupt the contented, peaceful atmosphere of the room. “Remember what we decided last night?”

“No. I completely forgot. Remind me what it was again?” Erwin murmured in response, obviously teasing if the coy smile on his face said anything. 

Levi assumed his comment was sarcastic because he hadn’t  _ really  _ thought Erwin had forgotten that they’d finally decided to fuck, and scoffed before he lowered his hand to playfully swat at Erwin’s ear, earning a laugh in response as Erwin hastily reached up to grab the offending fingers and pull them around toward his lips for a kiss.

“I’m teasing.” He confirmed too, rolling over a bit so that he could look up at Levi. “Of course I didn’t forget.”

“If you did, I’d be worried something hit you in the head last night.”

“Well, that could have still happened. You flail a lot in your sleep.”

“That’s bullshit.” Levi scoffed, returning his fingers to Erwin’s hair a second later again as he paused, bit his lip, and swallowed before finally continuing. “Uh….I thought I could make us dinner before. I mean, like I did that one night when we called it a….a date. Something fancy, or whatever.”

“That sounds nice.” Erwin responded immediately, smiling widely in such an obviously pleased manner that it just added to the flush that was already growing on Levi’s cheeks. 

In addition to that, he felt warmth on the inside too that came from seeing how Erwin responded, knowing beforehand that he wouldn’t have said ‘no,’ of course, but happy to see that he wasn’t just focused on sticking it in Levi’s ass instead of the bigger picture just like he was, too. Blessedly, Erwin’s smile remained long enough for him to be completely sure of that while they both went quiet again, the contentment Levi sensed coming from him evident in the way that he lowered his head back down into his lap and let Levi play with his hair again. Just like before, Levi expected them to lapse into another comfortable silence — he wasn’t in any hurry to move again or anything, not just yet — where they would continue to just enjoy the other’s presence, finding that instead, Erwin’s brows began to gradually draw down tighter and tighter while he laid there as if he was thinking about something concerning. 

“Ah….” He started after a few minutes, sitting up so abruptly that he all but jerked his head out of Levi’s hands. The movement and the expression of uncertainty on his face made Levi suddenly feel a bit anxious, his first thought being, of course, that Erwin had changed his mind about what they’d just talked about and wasn’t going to say anything good. “Actually, Levi….I’d like to propose something else. Is that alright?”

“Uh. Yeah….okay.” Levi replied, speaking slowly and with uncertainty.

“I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I mean, what I’m about to ask. It’s something I’d like to do, but I know it was hard for you before so we don’t have to if you’d be uncomfortable.”

“What is it?”

“I want to take you out.”

“Out?” Levi repeated, an unfortunate, albeit familiar, feeling starting to creep up his spine that he’d been lucky enough not to experience for a while: anxiety. 

“Yes. To dinner, at a restaurant in town. I….well, you cook for me all the time. I can’t really do that, but I want to do something similar. I feel like treating you to a meal is the least that I could do, and it might be nice.” 

Swallowing, Levi watched Erwin speak — noting the way he looked closely at him and the worried knot that grew between his brows as he did so — knowing what he’d been about to ask of him even before he said so. Clearly, Levi thought, he was nervous about proposing the idea too, perhaps even more so than he had been the last time he’d invited him to go out in public even before they were in a relationship. If so, it was probably because he remembered what a fucking ordeal it had been for him and he didn’t want to do anything that would make Levi anxious — something that he already was, though, because he almost felt that way automatically just at the mere thought of having to leave the house.

It was a stressor that had plagued him for so long that he almost couldn’t help reacting that way at first, but after the first few initial seconds, he felt himself relax in just the slightest while he actually took a moment to think about it. Last time they’d gone, he remembered, they’d shopped for Erwin because he needed a suit, and then eaten in his car from a food truck. With the exception of one moment of near panic right before they’d gone in the store, Levi knew that the rest had gone relatively smoothly — at least in comparison to what  _ could  _ have happened, anyway. 

Of course, that wasn’t to say that he hadn’t been tense for the vast majority of the time he was there, but he remembered that it had gotten better the longer he’d stayed out, more manageable and less terrifying as he slowly realized he had more control over things than he’d thought he would. He didn’t think he could say that he’d had  _ fun  _ or anything after it was all over, though, but he hadn’t minded spending the time with Erwin, and it had been completely worth it anyway because it had ended up with them having their first kiss. The fact that Erwin was now asking to take him out again before they’d planned on having sex for the first time didn’t escape his notice — it would definitely make everything memorable, that was for sure — and….and he  _ supposed  _ he could probably be alright with leaving the house again for another time as long as it was with him. 

After all, it hadn’t been  _ that  _ bad before, and besides, he now knew that even if he did lose his shit or something it wasn’t going to change how Erwin felt about him. He wouldn’t run and he wouldn’t think he was crazy, as he had proven to be understanding and even reassuring about such things, enough that Levi knew he would feel somewhat calmer than he might have otherwise just because of the fact that they were out  _ together _ . Still, though, he did not want to fucking freak out or panic or anything like that either, as it would ruin their date, and clearly, just because of the fact that he’d asked in the first place and regardless of how he’d said it, this was something that was apparently important to Erwin.

That, too, was another reason why he felt he needed to say yes: it wasn’t fair of him to only see Erwin inside his own house, to make him spend all his time with Levi cooped up there just because Levi didn’t like to leave. That shit wasn’t normal, he knew, and even if he hadn’t already, Levi was pretty sure that Erwin would get tired of having to stay in all the time if he wanted to see him. He didn’t want to put that burden on him or have him making concessions like that for Levi, and…..well, he couldn’t deny that he liked the thought of going out on a date with Erwin even if he was nervous about what it required him to do.

It would be a  _ real  _ date, he thought, and not just the same dinner in his dining room that had become standard by then, and Levi did feel a little charmed just from the fact that Erwin wanted to take him out all officially like that because he apparently thought that something was unbalanced and he didn’t treat Levi enough. He had to disagree with that, obviously, but it was still endearing nonetheless, and showed that Erwin cared enough about him to make an effort to correct anything he considered to be wrong — although Levi would see about Erwin paying for it, as there was no reason for him to when he practically had money coming out of his ass, after all.

“We won’t go anywhere crowded, of course.” Erwin continued then, surely picking up on Levi’s internal struggle as they’d already gone through this once before. “I can make us reservations somewhere too, and r equest their most private table. And if you don’t want to order, I can do that for you.”

“No.” Levi said at that, making a face and immediately shaking his head, knowing that he would feel highly embarrassed if Erwin had to order his fucking food for him at the restaurant. 

Was he seriously that bad? Was he a child? He  _ had  _ wanted Erwin to handle the transaction at the cash register the last time they’d gone out, he knew, but this was different. Wasn’t it? He didn’t know, but either way, the fact that he disliked the idea enough to know that he could at least order his own food now — he felt confident that he could despite everything — probably indicated that he  _ had  _ managed to let go of some of his fears about going out after the last time he had done so.

At least, he thought with a swallow, maybe just a little. 

“I mean, uh.” He said then, after realizing how vehemently he had declined Erwin’s offer to order for him and seeing his concerned frown. “No, you don’t have to order for me. I think I…..that I could do it, probably, if there wasn’t anyone else around.”

“Oh. Really?” Erwin uttered, his eyes brightening in a way that would have made it impossible for Levi to say no even if he had still wanted to.

“Yeah.”

“So you’re saying yes?”

“Yeah. That’s fine. We can go out, as long as you don’t take me to fucking McDonald’s or something. I know I pay you better than that.” Levi said, glancing down as Erwin’s eyes roved across his face intently to reach for his hand. 

Even as he joked, he wound their fingers together and frowned a bit solemnly for a moment — he wished, despite everything, that it didn’t have to be such a big deal for him in the first place — thankfully looking up again a second later, though, just in time to see Erwin smile.

“We won’t go to McDonald’s. I promise.” He said too, laughing softly at Levi’s joke. Squeezing his hand, too, Erwin gazed at him for a moment before he cleared his throat. “Really, though, I don’t want you to feel pressured to do this, Levi, so if you aren’t comfortable we don’t have to. Alright?”

“I know. I want to. It’s fine. I didn’t lose my shit before, and this time should be better, right?”

Unable to stop himself from voicing the hopes he held deep down inside — logically he figured that should be the case, but none of his fucking issues were logical — Levi was glad to at least realize he felt calmer just from how kind Erwin was being about it. It wasn’t necessarily surprising or anything though, not by then, but it  _ was  _ nice, and it was comforting to think that all of that understanding and support would be with him when they were out and about, too. 

“Alright. I’m glad.” Erwin said, smiling wider even as his cheeks grew pink. “Ah….you mean a lot to me Levi, and I don't know what I did to deserve you. I’m lucky, and I want to show you before we take this further.”

Upon hearing  _ that _ , it was Levi’s turn to flush. His heart fluttered and warm, positive, and  _ happy _ emotions replaced all the tension and worry he had been feeling before, and he could only stare in something like amazement while Erwin's words soaked in. He meant a lot to Erwin? Erwin thought  _ he _ was lucky to have  _ Levi _ ? He wasn't sure about that — nor about being good enough for Erwin to think that he didn't deserve him for whatever reason — but he was only human, and he couldn't help the way his chest swelled when he heard all of that. 

It was incredible, he thought, since he, of course, felt the exact same way too, and the fact that Erwin wanted to ‘show’ him, as he'd said, how much he valued him before they had sex was both charming and gratifying, as it meant he wasn't in this just for the physical aspects. Levi had not necessarily doubted that any time recently, but still, further validation was never a bad thing, and it just made him realize even more that being  _ that _ intimate with someone meant as much to him as it did to Levi. 

“You already have, big guy.” Levi said though, because although he did understand why Erwin wanted to do this, he didn't want him to think that he'd somehow done something wrong before, either. Obviously, that was the opposite, as Erwin made him feel wanted and cared about every single day, and the fact that he was Levi’s boyfriend now in the first place almost even said enough. “You don't have to take me out to prove it, but I'll go with you. I can't stay in here forever, and if I have to leave, I  _ guess _ you're the person I'd want to go with.”

Although Levi spoke with a bit of a backwards compliment — it was because he was getting flustered and his ears were  _ burning  _ — he was only teasing, and Erwin's laugh was enough to show that he understood. His wide smile, too, was good to see, because it told Levi that even if he'd spoken like that, Erwin knew the real meaning of his words and was definitely happy about it. 

“Wow. That means a lot.” He said, confirming it even if his tone turned sarcastic, too. “You're too kind.”

Knowing that Erwin was teasing  _ him  _ now, Levi scoffed and rolled his eyes and then grabbed at Erwin's shoulders, deciding that if he couldn't say what he felt clearly enough then he would just have to show him. Leaning forward, he slipped his arms around Erwin's neck and all but threw himself at him for a kiss, one which Erwin smiled into and returned eagerly enough to make Levi’s knees go weak. Thankfully, though, they were still sitting in bed so it didn't matter — something that Erwin certainly took advantage of, moving to crawl over Levi and bury his blonde head between his legs before he almost even knew what was happening. Moments later, he found himself feeling a different kind of warmth than he had before, the building pleasure prompted by Erwin’s warm, skillful mouth — he’d proven to be a natural, somehow — causing him to pull at the sheets so hard when he came that their breakfast tray was jerked forward and all of the dishes left on it clattered against each other loudly.

He swore when he he heard it because he assumed he’d just made a mess, and after Erwin finally allowed him up he saw that a few drops of coffee  _ had  _ spilled from Erwin’s mug onto his sheets. Making a face, he almost started to grumble at himself but was then stopped when Erwin kissed him sweetly and assured him that he would clean it up, gathering everything and taking the tray downstairs and getting out new bedding with a smile, all of it leaving Levi — after everything and despite how there was a now something challenging before him again — lying there thinking that he, rather than Erwin, was the one who should actually be wondering how he’d gotten so lucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait, i was worried i'd get burnt out on this fic so i took a break to write some other stuff. hopefully normal updates should resume now :)


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What’s this?” He murmured, his voice coming out quiet as if he feared he would somehow disrupt the ambiance of the room. Raising an eyebrow while Erwin seated himself across from him, he reached for a card that was propped up against the vase, his eyes immediately focusing on where it said ‘To: Levi, From: Erwin’ in fancy, cursive writing. “Erwin?”
> 
> “They’re for you.” Erwin said, his words causing Levi’s heart to skip a beat even if he had already realized that.
> 
> Staring at the flowers — they were roses this time, Levi saw, not chrysanthemums but half a dozen red, red roses that for some reason made him flush hotly — he had to bite back a smile from the happiness suddenly coursing through him, wishing that he was close enough so that he could give Erwin a kiss in response to his gift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HOPE THIS MAKES SENSE

Although Levi and Erwin had made their plans, a few days still lay between them and Friday night. At first Levi was grateful for it — in regards to the going out in public part, at least, because  _ nothing _ could keep him from being impatient for the other thing — as there wasn’t any kind of stressful urgency surrounding him like there had been last time. Back then, it had almost been sprung upon him in a way, he recalled, and although he didn’t hold any resentment or anything like that because of it, he  _ was  _ glad that he hadn’t suddenly found himself hours away from leaving the house for basically the first time like he had been before. Instead, he had a chance to really think about it, he thought, to prepare himself so that he hopefully wouldn’t be as nervous when it came time for them to actually fucking leave as he had been in the past, but naturally, of course, with his sometimes seemingly innate penchant to worry,  it did not exactly turn out like that. 

Instead, perhaps predictably enough, it just gave him more hours to fret and to think of how horribly wrong everything could go if something happened, but fortunately, Erwin’s continued presence kept him distracted enough so that it didn’t become  _ too  _ overwhelming. He was there almost the entire time after he’d asked Levi until Friday morning when he went home, in fact — the plan was for him to come back and pick Levi up when it was time to leave for dinner, so that they could both get dressed and all of that first separately — which helped Levi to remain decently cheery, finding that whenever his thoughts began to stray into something anxious he only had to talk to Erwin or look at his smile, or curl up against him and press his face into his chest to remain calm. 

Still, despite that, though, there  _ were  _ things that he couldn’t help but ponder sometimes, things that prodded at the back of his mind and that lurked just below the surface of his thoughts even when he was doing something else, their continued presence sometimes giving him a general sense of foreboding and dread at times when he had nothing else to do but think. Usually that was after they’d gone to bed, after Erwin had drifted off to sleep — before him now, because Levi had found it more difficult to get any rest all week — when he could no longer distract Levi from all of his worries, and when his silence made the house feel empty and reminded Levi that it was possible that he could end up losing him. 

He supposed that was what he was still concerned about, he thought, even  _ if  _ he’d felt before that Erwin wouldn’t go anywhere, as that would probably be the worst case scenario if everything about Friday evening went wrong. What if he panicked and embarrassed himself and Erwin in public, and Erwin decided that he didn’t want to deal with his issues anymore? What if he decided it just wasn’t worth it, and he didn’t want to be with someone who couldn’t even go out to fucking dinner at a restaurant with him like a normal person? 

Levi did not want him to end things because of that, and he did not want to disappoint him, either, which he knew would happen even if Erwin didn’t leave him for ruining their date. It was important to him, Levi knew, because Erwin had told him as much when he’d first asked him about it, and he understood why — also realizing how excited about it he obviously was, too — enough so that he was  _ sure  _ that if he messed things up then he would end up feeling incredibly and horribly guilty.

Would he panic, though? He liked to think he wouldn’t and tried to retain the small bit of confidence he’d managed to somehow conjure up from before, telling himself again that despite just a quick moment of near alarm he had done fine at the department store. Unfortunately, though, that didn’t help much when he began to think that the restaurant was going to be in a different setting and that he’d be in a smaller space, certainly surrounded by people who would be in much closer proximity to him than anyone had been while they were shopping. There would be the server, too, who he would have to interact with periodically the entire time, and although he’d worried about the same shit before and been proven wrong, he still feared that because this wasn’t the same kind of trip into town something unexpected would occur and cause him to fucking lose it.

The possibility of that happening frustrated him almost just as much as it made him nervous, because it was ridiculous, and if he wasn’t so fucking stupid and strange then things wouldn’t be like this. Instead, he’d be able to go on a date with Erwin like it was no big deal and Erwin wouldn’t have to sacrifice outings or deal with his unnecessary bullshit, something that certainly made him feel down about himself but actually led to a bit of determination, too, enough so that no matter how tense all of this made him he never even once considered backing out. 

He had to at least try, he knew, to not let Erwin down and to make it through the night so that perhaps one day he wouldn’t be like this anymore, but that didn’t stop his anxiousness, and it didn’t stop his self-disparaging thoughts from increasing either, all of it enough to cause him to feel quiet somber about everything by the time Erwin left Friday morning. He felt nervous at that point, of course, because the time was so close, and he hesitated to let go of Erwin’s hand when he walked out the door, holding onto his fingers a bit more tightly than normal as if his touch was the last thing keeping the worst of it at bay, as if his  _ presence  _ was the only thing that actually helped Levi to remain calm — something that proved to be a bit true, unfortunately, when his fretting wasted no time in nearly growing out of control after he had driven away.

Why couldn’t he just be excited instead, Levi thought, about going on a date with his boyfriend into town? Why couldn’t he just focus on the fact that Erwin  _ wanted  _ to take him out for a special night like this, that he cared about Levi enough to do that for him and had so far been nothing but supportive? It wouldn’t make sense for him to just suddenly stop all of that, Levi tried to think, and although deep down he didn’t  _ really  _ believe that Erwin would break up with him suddenly and without any kind of warning, it was hard to stop the errant thoughts of it from plaguing him all afternoon when he already struggled with doubting himself so much.

By the time Erwin came back — early, Levi thought, which made him wonder if Erwin had noticed his mood or was concerned for him or something — he felt worn down by it all, calm because he was resigned and determined to do it, of course, but tired of worrying and still wishing that he didn’t have to be like this in the first place.

“Hi, Levi.” Erwin said to him after he’d let him in the door, offering him a smile while Levi mumbled a quiet ‘hey’ while looking him over. He paused for a moment and studied his expression shortly before moving to pull him in for a hug, his arms tightening around Levi’s shoulders in a way that he immediately found comforting. Perhaps because he held on too long, though, or perhaps because Erwin had glimpsed something in his eyes moments before when he’d stepped inside, he placed his hands on Levi’s arms and stepped back eventually, his eyes sweeping over him once more before he frowned a bit and spoke. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah.” Levi answered, his first reaction being, of course, to brush it all off because he didn’t want it to be a big deal.

It wasn’t anyway, he thought, and because sure, Erwin had comforted him last time when he’d confessed to being nervous, he shouldn’t have to do that every time, and so Levi just shrugged in response to his question, reaching up to adjust Erwin’s jacket and take in what he had decided to wear. Unsurprisingly, he had pulled out a suit, another one of the several that Levi had bought him in the department store the last time they had gone into town and that fit him perfectly, and….well, no matter  _ how  _ tense Levi felt he at least couldn’t be stopped from noticing how handsome Erwin looked.

“You look nice.” He said, noticing Erwin’s neatly combed hair — had he gotten it trimmed? — and the scent of the rich cologne he was wearing.

“Thanks. So do you.” Erwin replied naturally, another small smile gracing his features while he eyed Levi carefully. 

Levi — who was wearing a black suit over a navy blue shirt — hummed his own ‘thank you’ despite everything, biting his lip while he distracted himself with smoothing down a wrinkle on Erwin’s jacket. While he did so, Erwin continued to watch him closely, of course, keeping his gaze on him as he adjusted Erwin’s collar next, only speaking after another few moments when Levi finished, held onto Erwin’s arms, and looked up at him while raising a brow, wondering why he was just standing there staring at him with something obviously sitting on the tip of his tongue. 

“Are you nervous?” He asked then, though, the question causing Levi to snort before he could help himself. 

For a second he was quiet, not answering right away because of his earlier reservations — even though he’d had a feeling that was what Erwin had been going to say — before he decided that there was no point, as he obviously knew something was up, and that he already felt a bit of comfort at the soothing, quiet note in Erwin’s voice anyway. He didn’t have the will to resist that, he thought, not right then and when already he wanted to be back in Erwin’s arms for another hug, and so he bit his lip, sighing after another moment while he continued to stare at Erwin’s shirt and spoke. “What do you think?”

He wasn’t trying to be rude, of course, which Erwin realized because he chuckled, but he knew that they  _ both  _ knew how anxious this had made him last time. 

“I’m sorry. If you don’t want to go, it’s alright.” Erwin said, his shirt muffling Levi’s scoff when he wrapped his arms around Erwin’s middle and moved in closer.

Vigorously, he shook his head in case he hadn’t heard it, because as far as he was concerned  _ that  _ wasn’t an option. “No. I wanna go. I want to go on a date with you, Erwin.”

“Alright. But I want you to know that I’ll be fine if we stay home. I don’t want you to not enjoy the night because we’re doing something you’re uncomfortable with.”

“It’s not….that’s not what I’m worried about.” Levi muttered, stepping back again while still holding on to Erwin’s jacket. When he did so, Erwin grasped his shoulders and then bent to give him a kiss on the top of his head, the simple, quick gesture helping him to continue. “It’s just, if some shit happens—

“If it does, we can come back here, or sit in the car until you’re okay. It’ll be just like last time.”

“Yeah, but...what if I ruin the fucking date?”

“You won’t ruin the date. It doesn’t matter what happens tonight as long as I’m with you, okay?” Erwin said, his words sweet and his palms comforting on Levi’s shoulders. “And besides….what we’re going to be doing after is more important anyway, right? Just think about that instead.”

Snorting again at that, Levi finally looked up at Erwin again as a quick flash of amusement swept through him. His words were debatable, he thought, but he did have somewhat of a point, as their dinner date had been planned in the first place because they were, of course, going to come home and finally cement their relationship in the most intimate way possible afterward, and Levi was still no less excited for that just because he’d gotten a bit distracted by his worries. He knew Erwin was too because Levi could see it in his eyes — they lingered over him longingly almost every time that he looked at him now — and in the way that he practically hadn’t been able to keep his hands off of Levi in any way, shape, or form all week, and because of that, even  _ if  _ they did have to come home early, he thought,  he didn’t anticipate that it would stop them from crawling into bed unless he actually fucking passed out or something like that first. 

“Yeah.” He agreed after a moment, sighing a bit and feeling some of the tension slowly start to release as he placed his palms on Erwin’s stomach. Sliding them along his covered skin, he slowly moved to hold his waist, his eyes following the movements of his fingers while he thought about how he’d be touching him there later when he had no fucking clothes on. “That’s true. If we can wait until then.”

“What do you mean?” Erwin asked, a small, clearly pleased smile growing on his face at Levi’s words. 

“I mean, you look pretty good in this suit. I might rip it off of you.”

“In public?”

Shrugging — even though he was teasing, obviously — Levi raised an eyebrow and then slipped a hand inside his suit jacket, lowering it after another second to grope Erwin’s ass. He met his gaze while he did so, of course, and bit his lip when Erwin laughed, pulled him forward into his chest, and pressed his lips to the side of his face in that order, his demeanor warm and cheery and supportive as if he was pleased to see that Levi was making jokes now instead of continuing to fret. It was hard for him to, he thought, when he found Erwin’s reactions to such things to be so fucking charming, and he couldn’t help but feel a little better from it already, as well as from the sweet words Erwin had said to him in reassurance during their conversation a few moments ago.

“Maybe.” He said next, feeling even more bolstered when Erwin raised one of his own eyebrows playfully. Reaching up, Levi grabbed at both ends of his jacket so that he could tug him down gently, sliding the fingers of one hand up to his shoulder before he leaned forward to give him a quick kiss. “Or maybe before we leave, I dunno.” 

“ _ Before _ we leave?” Erwin asked, his lips curving up into a wider smile shortly before they met Levi’s again. 

“Yeah.” 

“You mean right now?”

“We’ll see.”

Having still not pulled away at all, Levi’s mouth muffled Erwin’s chuckle as he closed the miniscule distance between them again, this time staying like that for a while longer so he could wrap his arms around Erwin’s neck. Kissing him for a few more moments — slowly and lightly, because Levi obviously was only teasing about tearing his suit off right then — Levi found the contact to be sufficiently distracting from his other thoughts, and leaned into Erwin closer to soak up more of his warmth, holding onto him too until the movements of their lips grew shorter and shorter and Erwin gradually pulled away. Smiling down at him as he did so, he let his eyes glance over Levi’s face as if he was searching for anymore tension, the curve of his mouth only growing wider when he apparently found nothing. 

“You know, Levi…” He still said though, cupping the back of his neck with one hand as he spoke. “You’re not the only one that’s nervous about tonight.”

“What the hell are you nervous about? I’m pretty sure you won’t lose your shit at dinner.” Levi asked, snorting and watching as Erwin raised his eyebrows like it was obvious. 

He wasn’t wrong, Levi thought, because it only took him a second to come up with a possible answer to his question, one that had nothing to do with their time at the restaurant and  _ everything  _ to do with what they were going to get up to in bed — the notion clear to him because Erwin had already exhibited concerns about his performance several times before. It was the first time he’d be doing such things with a man, after all, and honestly, although Levi had repeated over and over that he was certain it would be fine, he figured it probably would have been strange if Erwin hadn’t at least been just a little nervous. With all of that in mind, he found himself reassuring Erwin in the next second before he could even respond to Levi’s question, confirming that he was right with a bit of a shaky half-smile instead.

“It’s gonna be good Erwin, I told you. I promise. You’ll be fine.” Levi said, tugging Erwin closer into another hug as he sighed. 

“I know. But I’m still nervous anyway.” Erwin responded, chuckling a bit at himself as if he knew that he was being ridiculous.

Of course, Levi was familiar with that feeling, and because of it, he let out another amused snort too and shook his head. “So we’re both fucked up about tonight?”

“It seems so. I’m afraid I’ll be bad at sex, and you’re afraid that we won’t be able to finish dinner.”

“No. If we don’t get to finish dinner it’ll be fucking embarrassing.”

“Do you think that coming as soon as I’m inside you  _ wouldn’t  _ be embarrassing?”

“No.” Levi said, tugging Erwin down so that he could kiss him quickly again. “Because you’re not gonna do that.”

“How do you know?”

“I just do.”

“Alright. If you say so.” 

As if to show his confidence in Erwin, Levi kept kissing him and began running his hands along Erwin’s chest. He wasn’t trying to get him riled up, of course, but only to soothe, and he was pleased to see that Erwin responded in kind and also with a wide smile on his face. 

“For what it’s worth,” He said a moment later, after Levi had pulled away again to stare up at him. “I think you’ll be fine at dinner, too. You can do it, Levi. You underestimate yourself.”

Scoffing, Levi rolled his eyes at that but flushed a little nonetheless, finding that Erwin’s praise did a lot to continue lifting up his spirits. He wasn’t sure that he necessarily believe him or anything like that, though, but it was still nice to hear, nice enough so that he found himself feeling warm and teasingly repeating Erwin’s words from before. “If you say so.”

“Are you ready to go?” Erwin asked him then, taking one of Levi’s hands gently in his own, but remaining completely still while he waited on Levi’s answer. 

His demeanor indicated that he would do whatever he wanted, of course, and after hearing all of the things he’d said to him Levi did not doubt it. Having Erwin in front of him and actually speaking the things he’d needed to hear had helped him a lot though, along with the fact that Erwin had admitted to being nervous about something too. It made him feel a lot less down on himself or weird about his worries even though it was a bit different, and although he wasn’t sure that meant he was  _ entirely _ ready to go, he supposed there probably wouldn’t be a better time, either. He was prepared as he could get, in fact, and although he was still a bit tense, remembering that he would have Erwin there and supporting him like he’d just done the entire time helped him to remain calm. 

“Yeah.” He said with that in mind, sighing before he answered and before he shifted to adjust his clothing. “Yeah, okay.”

At that, Erwin moved to fix his jacket too, and then led him outside — still smiling at him reassuringly — with their hands entwined together, pausing so that Levi could lock his door before they began to walk towards Erwin’s car. 

“The restaurant we’re going to is supposed to have the best seafood in town.” Erwin told him while they did so, helping him get inside the vehicle, of course, once they reached it and then heading around towards the driver’s side. 

“Did you make reservations?” Levi asked convivially, trying to ignore the butterflies that were still invading his stomach in favor of making conversation.

“Yes. We’re going to be early, but I think they’ll still seat us because we’ll probably miss the crowd.”

“Oh. Good.”

“I also asked if we could have a private booth in the back of the restaurant, and they said yes.”

“Okay.”

“I hope you like the food. I’m sure the chef isn’t as good as you, but—

“Yeah right.” Levi scoffed, shaking his head at Erwin’s ridiculous compliment but feeling his heart swell all the same. 

Glancing over, he saw Erwin smile at him in between keeping his focus on the road, as by then, they’d made it down Levi’s driveway and were on their way to exiting his neighborhood, the both of them safely strapped in with their seatbelts fastened. Levi had been glad to see that Erwin had put his on before he’d even started his car, in fact, and that he didn’t take either of his hands off the wheel until Levi reached over to grab one of them. After a second, he laced their fingers together and shifted to look out the window since their conversation had died down, taking in the sights that he didn’t often see like he’d done before with interest. 

While they drove towards his neighborhood’s exit slowly, Levi couldn’t help but get some sort of sense of  déjà vu , feeling the realization that they were retracing the same path that they’d gone on before together in almost exactly the same way. Adding to that was the fact that Levi was holding onto his hand again — he remembered grabbing it last time for comfort while they’d been on the way into town — with the only difference now being, of course, that he didn’t feel insecure or uncertain about doing it. 

Obviously that was because….well, because Erwin was his fucking boyfriend and they had come a long way since then even if it truly had not been that many months ago, and thinking about it like that, about how lucky he was again and how he wouldn’t actually change anything for the world, he swore he did finally feel the tiniest, briefest jolt of excitement because of the fact that he was going on a date with Erwin. A real date, too, he told himself, not trying to discount their others, of course, but recognizing that this one would be in public. 

This time they’d be together among other people, people who would see them holding hands and dining and likely assume that they were in a relationship — not that Levi cared what anyone thought, really, or believed that it was any of their business, but he liked the feeling that he was almost showing Erwin to everyone, showing what they had together so that it wouldn’t now only be some kind of private thing between them. As if he was capable of reading his mind, Erwin glanced at him again quickly to give him a smile, the curve of his lips growing wide when he noticed that Levi had been looking at him and squeezing his hand. 

“Thank you for giving this a try, Levi.” He murmured too, steering them down the road that would lead them into town by then. “I’m sorry if I pressured you, though.”

“You didn’t.” Levi told him, shaking his head at that. 

“Well, I hope you have an alright time.”

“If I don't, it won't be because of you. And either way, you'll make me feel better later, right?” 

Swiping his thumb across the skin of Erwin's hand, Levi raised his eyebrow coyly long enough for Erwin to get a glimpse of it, delighting in the way that he blushed a little and cleared his throat when he realized what Levi was talking about.

“Yes.” He said too, nodding resolutely. “I will. One way or the other.”

Feeling his heart skip a beat in anticipation at  _ that _ , Levi contemplated on letting go of Erwin's hand so that he could slide his own teasingly along one of his thighs, deciding immediately instead that the last thing he needed to do what distract Erwin while he was driving. Fuck, he of all people knew what could happen in a car even when one  _ was  _ paying attention to the road, and so he thought better of it and of saying anything else like that too, turning his head to look out the window so that he could focus more on the scenery. 

Even though they’d taken this route before not too long ago, Levi still felt like all of the sights were new to him, and he found his eyes flitting back and forth over everything in order to see all that he could as they passed by quickly. Before long, the trees and sparse houses along the countryside that he saw at first began to change into neighborhoods and businesses and concrete, and soon they were in town, going through all the same roads and intersections that Erwin had taken them on before when they’d gone to the department store. Instead of stopping there, though, this time they drove past it, and kept going for 10 more minutes while taking a few turns here and there until the suburban town, in turn, began to change into what Levi knew to be the  _ real  _ city.

After a few more minutes they eventually ended up downtown, Levi saw, and he stared out the window with increasing fascination — and surprisingly enough, delight — as he began to see things that he actually recognized. When he’d been younger he’d spent a lot of time in the city, he remembered, barhopping with his friends on the weekend or going with his uncle to run errands on other days. The school he’d attended wasn’t too far away from where they were then, in fact, and recalling all of the places he used to go, he found himself realizing where Erwin was taking them before they ever even got there. 

“I remember all of this.” Levi said when Erwin finally turned past the last block and he saw that he was right, glancing out the window at an area that had always been popular because of all the restaurants and lounges that were located there. 

It seemed to still be pretty much the same, Levi saw as he gazed out the window, except for the fact that about half the establishments were called something different by then, but he recognized the buildings and several landmarks, some of which actually gave him a few fond memories as he swept his eyes over the sights. 

“Really?” Erwin asked when he said that, glancing over at him sharply for one quick moment — just long enough to smile at whatever he must have seen on Levi’s face. 

“Yeah.” Now they were parking, Levi realized, in a spot that was directly across from somewhere he had  _ definitely  _ been inside many times, noting that it was still the same despite the transformation of a few other nearby buildings. “I’ve been to that bar.”

“That one?” Erwin said, pointing to the place Levi was looking at after he’d turned off the car and they’d started shifting to get out. 

He opened his door hurriedly and began to round the vehicle towards Levi’s as if he was going to help him, but stopped when he saw that Levi was already clambering down from the seat himself, somehow distracted enough by all his memories and interest with seeing some of this shit again that he did not hesitate. Closing the door, he walked over to Erwin and stood beside him while he still stared at the bar, aware of how he was being watched curiously and with interest as he did so.

“Yeah. Uh….my uncle used to basically live there. He’d go sit at the bar every night and get shitfaced, and then I’d have to come pick him up. A couple of times he started fights and got arrested and I had to bail his ass out of jail.”

“What? That doesn’t sound fun.” Erwin replied, sliding his arm around Levi’s shoulders while they stood there and frowning a bit at Levi’s explanation.

“Yeah.” Levi scoffed. He bit his lip and shrugged next, though, because his relationship with his uncle had been shaky and tempestuous at best, but Levi was too distracted with other things to really dwell on it. “He took me there when I turned 18. For my ‘first drink.”

“Was it really your first drink?” Erwin asked, huffing in amusement a bit as if he already knew the answer.

“What do you think?”

“No.”

“Yeah, you’re right. But he still got me so trashed I threw up in the alley.”

“Wow. I think I would have liked to see that.”

“No you wouldn’t. I was an idiot.” Levi said, snorting at the memory and at how stupid he’d been to drink everything his uncle had given him. Catching sight of Erwin’s smile and the soft, fond way in which he was looking at him while he recalled things from his past, Levi reached up to take his hand, raising an eyebrow at him before he continued speaking. “What about you? Did you have your first drink at 18? Y’know….four fucking years ago?”

“No.” Erwin replied, shaking his head right away. 

“So you were a rule breaker too, huh? I’m not sure I would’ve pegged you down like that if I didn’t know better.”

“Why is that?”

Eyeing Erwin, Levi bit his lip and made a show of looking him over teasingly, his gaze causing Erwin to smile wider at him before he spoke. “I dunno. You seem upstanding, and shit.”

“Upstanding?”

“Yeah, you look neat and you’re polite. But don’t worry, I found out what you’re like in the bedroom so I don’t think you’re some kind of goody two-shoes anymore.”

“What?” Erwin said, laughing at that — and also giving him a knowing smile — as Levi tugged at his jacket so he’d lean over for a kiss. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

The last of his words were mumbled against Levi’s mouth as it met Erwin’s, and he stayed like that for a few seconds when Levi remained quiet. After pulling away, Levi let his eyes linger on him and Erwin smiled down at him, squeezing his shoulder once before he then looked around and cleared his throat carefully. “So, are you alright?”

Obviously, Levi knew, he was asking him because they were currently standing on the side of the street in the middle of the downtown area of their city, miles away from Levi’s home and amidst constant traffic and people walking around on the sidewalk. It wasn’t  _ terribly  _ crowded, he thought, but this was a popular area and everything was noisy, but surprisingly, somehow, Levi felt completely calm. Perhaps it was because of all the familiarity, because of all the memories that he was now thinking of and the fact that he was in a place he  _ knew  _ even if he hadn’t been there in what seemed like ages, the memories of nothing bad ever happening to him there despite the hundreds of times he had gone helping him to feel a bit more soothed. 

“Yeah.” He told Erwin with that in mind, looking around as Erwin smiled and led him to the sidewalk. “Where are we going?”

“That place over there. Have you been to it before?” Erwin said, pointing with one hand and holding on tight to Levi’s with the other.

Following his gaze, Levi saw a fancy looking restaurant — it had a valet, for fuck’s sake — on the next corner across the street, realizing after a moment that he did recognize the building but that the eating establishment must have been new. 

“No. It was something else before that.”

“Ah. Well, that’s good. I wouldn’t want to take you to a restaurant you’ve already been to.”

Snorting, Levi shrugged and kept walking along with Erwin, glancing around at everything and thinking that he would have been fine — or at least, as fine as he could be — with anywhere in that area, finding himself cheered and excited and like he really  _ was  _ sharing something special with his boyfriend.

“Kids used to smoke by that fountain after school.” He said while they were crossing the street, another memory popping up into his head as warmth filled his chest.

“Did you?” Erwin asked him, steering Levi to one side of the crosswalk as another couple passed them by. 

“Yeah.” Levi said, rolling his eyes at the recollection of his teenaged self. “I thought I was cool, but I wasn’t.”

“I don’t know. I probably would have thought you were pretty cool.” Erwin replied, his tone teasing but sincere nonetheless. 

Afterward, whatever Levi might have said in response was halted by the fact that they’d reached the restaurant and he suddenly realized how many people were crowded around outside of it, finding himself stopping in place as if he’d been startled and remembered just what it fucking was that he was doing. Despite that, though, he apparently only needed a second to catch his bearings before he was fine again, swallowing after glancing around the groups of waiting patrons and soaking in the chatter before he looked up at Erwin — he’d turned to look at him sharply, of course, to see if he was alright — and nodded.

Squeezing his hand tighter, Erwin led Levi around the outside of the crowd as best he could, mumbling ‘excuse me’ when they had to go through it and making more room than he needed to so that Levi would follow him. While he did so, he kept close behind Erwin — so close that he had to watch it or he’d trip over his feet — and held onto his jacket, keeping his eyes focused on his back while he felt his heart pound in his chest and butterflies dance around in his stomach. Why were there so many fucking people there, he wondered? Hadn’t Erwin said they’d beat the crowd?

Obviously that had only been hopeful speculation, he now knew, but whatever, just as he felt the anxiety start to make him dizzy, just as he  _ thought  _ he was being closed in on and suffocated by a mass of strangers, they were through, and Erwin was pulling the door open for him so that he could dart inside into a thankfully much quieter, calmer entranceway.

“Sorry.” Erwin said, watching Levi.  “Apparently everyone else decided to get here early too.”

Levi shook his head to indicate that it didn’t matter — that was just about all he was able to do right then because he now had another abrupt switch in scenery to get used to — and took in the nice decoration and the host that Erwin was leading them to now, finding himself partially standing behind Erwin’s back while he spoke to him. Then, despite the crowd of people waiting outside and the fact that they were early, they were led to their table in the back of the restaurant, the lights growing dimmer the farther in they went and the sounds from outside thankfully growing more quiet. 

By the time they reached their seats, in fact, Levi could hear nothing but the hum of low music and his footsteps on the carpet, noting that the room they were in now was mostly devoid of other patrons. There were a few other couples eating, he saw, but no one near the corner booth that was apparently their table, and as he relinquished his grip on Erwin’s hand and slid in, he really did feel like they had slipped into somewhere with more privacy.

The high backs on their chairs certainly helped with that, of course, as did the low lighting and the flickering candle on their table that made things seem more intimate, and whatever tension that had built in his shoulders from outside melted away quickly—  disappearing completely a second after that too when he looked to his right and saw that there was a vase of flowers arranged on the table.

“What’s this?” He murmured, his voice coming out quiet as if he feared he would somehow disrupt the ambience of the room. Raising an eyebrow while Erwin seated himself across from him, he reached for a card that was propped up against the vase, his eyes immediately focusing on where it said ‘To: Levi, From: Erwin’ in fancy, cursive writing. “Erwin?”

“They’re for you.” Erwin said, his words causing Levi’s heart to skip a beat even if he had already realized that.

Staring at the flowers — they were roses this time, Levi saw, not chrysanthemums but half a dozen red,  _ red  _ roses that for some reason made him flush hotly — he had to bite back a smile from the happiness suddenly coursing through him, wishing that he was close enough so that he could give Erwin a kiss in response to his gift.

“They're perfect, fuck.” He said, shaking his head out of near disbelief, too, because it was becoming increasingly clear to him that Erwin had done a lot to make sure their date was, in fact, special. “But you didn't have to— 

“It was nothing. You can tell the restaurant if you want flowers, and they'll have them on your table when you come in. I didn't have to do anything.” Erwin said, smiling in such a way that showed he was clearly pleased at Levi's reaction. 

It was hard to tell because of how dim it was in there, of course, but he even thought he glimpsed a light dusting of pink spread out across Erwin's cheekbones in the next few seconds —  the blush, if that's what it was, seeming to go along with the way he was gazing at him fondly rather than embarrassment.

“Yeah, but...” Levi said though, continuing because the extra time Erwin had spent getting the flowers wasn't actually what he was concerned about. “You paid for them. And this place looks expensive.”

“It doesn't matter. I want to pay for it, I told you. The money isn't a problem. My boss, Mr. Ackerman, keeps giving me raises, so I can afford it for one night.”

Snorting at that — Levi was well aware that  _ Mr. Ackerman _ paid Erwin well — he bit his lip for a moment and then sighed, deciding to accept defeat on this one because it was clearly important to Erwin that he pay. He supposed he would allow it, he thought, but if he appeared to be lacking for anything at any point after because of this expense, Levi already knew that he would not accept his refusal for more money. 

“It's not supposed to be for things like this, but whatever.” He said, catching Erwin's chuckle before they both became engrossed in their menus. 

After some cajoling, Erwin got Levi to admit that he would like some wine — he did, but he wasn't going to go overboard on the spending even if he had accepted that Erwin would pay — and then an appetizer of bacon wrapped shrimp with some kind of smokey, gourmet cream sauce that was topped with greens. Once that was done they compromised on the spending and decided to split a large lobster and steak platter that came with vegetables, enjoying side salads first while it cooked and as Levi sipped his wine. By then, he felt a little lightheaded from it but was relaxed enough to say with certainty that he was having a decent time, finding that their reserved corner in the restaurant remained quiet and mostly undisturbed save for the server while they were eating. 

It was enough to make him feel like they actually  _ were  _ squirreled away somewhere private even though they were in public, Levi thought, which gave him comfort and allowed him to all but forget where he was despite the fact that he knew other patrons were in the room. The roses he’d sat on the open side of the table helped to hide them from view, too, as did the fancy stand that held the wine bucket, but even if those things weren’t there, Erwin made him feel the most at ease, distracting him with conversation and making his heart flutter nearly every other second with so much fondness that it probably would have been impossible for him to feel any other emotion except for complete happiness. 

“I’m glad you came out with me.” Erwin told him after they’d finished their salads, and the server — who seemed to sense that they wanted to be left alone and didn’t bother Levi at all — had taken their plates away and brought new ones for their entree. “You’re doing great, Levi.”

Biting his lip at that, Levi felt his face warm from the compliment too, a feeling not unlike fulfillment swelling inside him when he heard it. He  _ was  _ doing pretty good, he thought with a bit of awe — or at least, much better than he’d assumed he would be — and his date with Erwin was moving along fine, so much so that the chances of him finishing without any problems seemed to be high. Then, after that, he could say that he’d gone out to eat with his boyfriend and would maybe even be able to do it again sometime soon, even imagining himself going to the movies or the park or whatever the fuck average people did on their average dates. He was probably getting ahead of himself by thinking about that shit, he thought, but he couldn’t help it when he felt cheered up by how this night was going, and when Erwin inadvertently kept reminding him of all the fun things he used to do in that part of town with his friends anyway.

“So, did you only come here to misbehave when you were a teenager, or were there other reasons?” He asked Levi with a smile, obviously referencing the smoking and drinking incidents that Levi had told him about before.  

“No.” He replied, snorting and pausing to think for a moment. The fact that he had to do that in the first place probably indicated that his answer should have been yes, but in reality, Levi had stopped because there were suddenly a dozen memories rushing through his mind, relatively decent ones — at least compared to what had happened later — of his time in high school before everything had completely turned to utter shit. Still, though, his silence made Erwin raise an amused eyebrow as he watched him, the expression earning him a bump from Levi’s foot underneath the table before he could even begin to tease him further. “I mean….yeah, because I was a stupid kid, but I did other stuff too.”

“Like what?”

“Are you asking about the illegal shit, or everything else?”

“Both.” Erwin said, giving Levi another smile as he spoke. 

It was a fond one again, he thought, that matched the bright spark of interest in his eyes that had appeared when he’d started asking Levi all of this shit — something that answered his unspoken question of why he might want to know when he realized it must be because Levi had never really told him any of this before. He didn’t often talk about his past, he knew, because a lot of it was painful and he didn’t want to dredge that shit up for a variety of reasons, the main one, of course, being that he was too focused on actually being happy right then, but supposed his childhood was a bit different even if it wasn’t perfect, something that he, at least, didn’t feel uncomfortable opening up to Erwin about. 

“Okay, fine. When I was a brat my mom used to take me with her to get groceries.” Levi started, recalling a hazy memory of his mother — loving and warm and protective — calling him her ‘little helper’ as he stood up onto his tiptoes to reach a can of corn from a low level shelf at the grocery store. She’d smile down at him from above and held his hand after he’d given her the food, and although Levi couldn’t have been any older than 4 at the time, he knew that he had been happy  _ and  _ well behaved, thinking that at least he hadn’t been a delinquent right from the beginning even if he’d become one later. “And there was a store where you could rent videos and games. She let me get one every Friday night.”

“That’s nice.” 

“Yeah...uh, and then I grew up and snuck into bars a lot with my friends before I was 18. Or at least, we fucking tried to. It didn’t always work, and then we’d get kicked out. I got banned from a convenience store too for stealing.”

“Stealing?” Erwin asked, amusement clearly written on his face as Levi spoke slowly. “What did you steal?”

“All kinds of shit. Candy, snacks, batteries, jewelry.”

“Jewelry?”

“Yeah, I thought I could sell it. Turns out 13 isn’t old enough to understand that people don’t want shitty gas station jewelry, but my uncle didn’t give me an allowance, so….”

“Is that all?”

“No. When I got older, I just took beer.”

“How?” Erwin asked, laughing, Levi suspected, at the casual way in which he was talking about all of this as much as he was the story. 

“I wore a big hoodie or a jacket and shoved it under there. I was never a big fucking kid.” Levi muttered, watching as Erwin’s smile grew wider. He looked him over too, likely either imagining him trying to hide beer underneath some oversized clothing or thinking that he wasn’t a big adult either, both of which were apparently enough for him to find amusing. Thankfully, since it was him, Levi did not bristle and instead just took a sip of his wine, pausing for a moment before he met Erwin’s eye again and gave him a playful look. “I could probably wear one of your shirts and do it now. You want me to steal you some beer, big guy?”

Predictably enough, Erwin’s gaze focused again — his mind now obviously picturing Levi in one of his shirts — but then slackened some when he chuckled. “No. I don’t want you getting arrested because of me.”

“I won’t get arrested.” Levi said, teasing him, still, because there was no need for either one of them to steal beer when Levi was 34 fucking years old. 

“Still.” 

“Yeah, yeah. You’re right. Besides, I quit doing that stuff a long time ago. I got a job, so I could buy shit instead.”

“What was your job?”

“I changed oil in cars. It fucking sucked. I was dirty and sweaty all the time.”

“Ah, that sounds a lot like my job.” Erwin replied to that, laughing in a way that let Levi know he wasn’t necessarily complaining. 

Even if he was, though, Levi wouldn’t have in a million years been offended, as he already knew that Erwin didn’t want to be a gardener forever. He had dreams of going to school, of course, which he had learned a long time ago, and which reminded him of the fact that he might get to do that very, very soon if everything happened like it was supposed to. “Yeah, but not for long. If you get into school this year, you won’t have to be sweaty anymore, right?”

“Yes.” Erwin said, glancing away for a moment after Levi had spoken. Going quiet, his face fell in just the slightest while he seemed to think, the shift in expression subtle but different enough from the cheerful one he’d been wearing all night for Levi to notice. Before he could say anything, however, or even be sure that it suggested anything negative in the first place, Erwin turned to meet his eyes again, smiling widely and instantly switching their topic of conversation to something else. “But that’s not what this night is about.”

“Huh? What’s it about then?” Levi asked, watching Erwin carefully and with a tiny hint of concern. 

What had  _ that  _ been about? Had he just imagined it? 

“Us.” Erwin told him before he could think on it anymore, the soft, fond tone in his voice causing Levi to flush immediately as his heart skipped a beat in his chest. 

Gazing at him across the table, it was hard for him to worry about anything when Erwin appeared to be happy right then — especially when he knew it was because of him — finding that it was impossible not to become distracted by his words. As if on cue to complete the way Erwin had brushed his frown off, too, their server took that moment to suddenly appear with a very large, very food-filled tray in his arms. Carefully, he set it down between them and Levi then found himself face to face with the giant lobster and steak platter that they’d ordered for dinner, his eyes widening as soon as he saw it because….well, because the lobster itself was probably one of the biggest ones he’d ever seen in his fucking life. 

The shellfish alone was enough to feed him — even splitting it, he thought, which he was glad they’d decided to do regardless of his attempt to save Erwin money — but there were large strips of steak, too, all of it accompanied by potatoes, grilled vegetables, and a variety of gourmet dipping sauces separated neatly into little containers. With all of it in front of him and untouched, it was hard for Levi not to take in the presentation and the plating and things like that, his ‘chef’s eye,’ as it were, taking over for a second as he found himself fascinated with how  _ good  _ everything actually looked.

Realizing that he’d never actually seen any other real chef’s work in front of him like this except for his own — television didn’t count, and never mind the fact that he wasn’t actually a  _ real  _ chef — because he’d only started cooking after he’d become reclusive, he stared with interest for several more moments, so closely that it took him a while to figure out that Erwin was still just sitting there watching him. He was probably waiting too, Levi thought, so that he could fucking eat, but he smiled at him anyway when their eyes met again, an expression on his face that could not be interpreted as anything other than happy over what Levi’s reaction had been. Because of that he flushed, of course, but only for just a second, and only long enough for him to reach for his napkin and eating utensils so that he could start digging in too. 

As expected, the food was delicious and perfectly cooked, so much so that they both ate until they were stuffed and had no more room for dessert. Because of that, Levi suggested that he make something at home or that they just skip it instead, but naturally, Erwin wasn’t having it and ordered it to go, his enthusiasm causing Levi to wonder how much of his insistence was on account of his sweet tooth as well as his desire to treat Levi to a proper date. Regardless, though, he still made sure Levi was fine with whatever he picked out for them to share — a gigantic slice of cheesecake with a glazed strawberry and whipped cream topping — and then paid the bill, pausing for a moment once it seemed that they were ready to go to look at Levi across the table.

“Are you ready to walk back to the car?” He asked him softly, a question to which Levi immediately answered with a nod.

As far as he was concerned, there was no reason  _ not  _ for him to be ready, he thought, because he felt as calm about walking in public again with Erwin as he probably could possibly be, the fact that he had already done it once before that night without a problem helping him a bit more with his confidence. True, he wasn’t looking forward to walking through that crowd again if it was still there or anything like that, though, but he  _ had  _ already made it once, and after all, this was the last thing that he knew he had to do before they were on their way back to his house again so that he could relax. 

With that in mind, Levi stepped forward and let Erwin wind an arm around his shoulder so that he could lead him out that way, both of his hands cradling the vase of roses he was taking with him while Erwin held the dessert in his free one. Thankfully, enough of the crowd had dispersed once they’d stepped outside for Levi to not tense up too much as they made their way to the car, their walk staying relatively quiet and giving Levi a chance to reflect on what had happened at their dinner.

Even if it had only ended a few minutes ago, thinking about it like that made him happy, as he had, of course, realized by then that he’d actually  _ done _ it, that he'd gone on a date with Erwin to a restaurant in town without any problems. Sure, he hadn't been entirely comfortable with everything the entire time, he knew, and it would probably take many, many more outings before he finally would be, but it was sinking in that it had been easier than before, and he found himself bolstered by the thought, excited and relieved too because of what it suggested for the future and because of the fact that after all of his worrying, he hadn’t ruined everything and their date had actually gone smoothly.

By the time they’d gotten to the car he was even thinking that he was sure he’d be able to do this again, in fact, feeling amazed that he’d gotten so far while also reveling in the deep fondness that he had for the man next to him — obviously, he thought, because he couldn’t have done  _ any  _ of this at all without Erwin.

“Hey.” Levi said with that in mind, speaking up after Erwin had opened the car door for him and started to walk away. He caught his jacket before he could and paused for a second as Erwin turned to look down at him curiously, the desire to let him know that Levi  _ had  _ enjoyed things and that he was glad they were together too causing him to tug Erwin closer. “Thanks for dinner.”

“You’re welcome, Levi.” Erwin replied right away, of course, a gorgeous smile blossoming on his face that made his eyes go bright.

“And, I mean….uh.” Levi continued, swallowing a hint of nerves as he stood onto his tiptoes to give Erwin a quick kiss. “Thanks for thinking I could do it, or whatever. I guess you were right about that shit.”

“I’m glad I was, and I had fun. It means a lot that you even tried, but are you saying that you enjoyed it too?” Erwin asked, his hands coming to rest at Levi’s waist.

The expression on his face remained soft and gentle and pleased, Levi saw, and he watched Erwin’s eyes sweep over him when he nodded and then paused again, his heart having started to pound in his chest because of what he knew that he wanted to say next. Doing so would be a bit of a commitment, he thought, a near-promise to do something that he was, of course, not entirely comfortable with just yet, but he wanted to tell Erwin, to propose this just as much him as Levi actually did for himself, too.

“Yeah, it was….it was good.” He started, feeling his heart pound. “Uh, maybe if….fuck. I mean, if you want, maybe we can do it again sometime?”

“Levi….I’d like that.” Erwin replied immediately, the smile that grew on his face after that letting Levi know that his butterflies had been worth it. 

“Okay. Good….uh, that’s good.”

“I won’t push you, though.”

“I know.”

“We’ll only go out when you’re ready again, and if you’re still alright with it.” 

“I’ll be alright with it.” Levi said with as much certainty as he could muster, bolstered on by the feeling of gratification he got from seeing how pleased Erwin was at having heard him say that.

Obviously, Levi knew, it made him happy because he was smart enough to understand that what Levi had proposed to him was a big fucking deal, something that certainly helped Levi to not regret because he liked making Erwin feel that way. He wanted him to be as fulfilled in their relationship as he already was too, of course, and to give back to Erwin what  _ he  _ had already given to Levi twofold. Almost bursting with happiness at how well this night really  _ had  _ gone, Levi stood up onto his tiptoes again at the thought, pressing his lips to Erwin’s in another kiss that lasted quite a bit longer than the first one had turned out to be.

Within a few seconds, in fact, it had become clear that they were both willing to linger for more time than they probably should because they were standing outside in the fucking street, but Levi had strangely found that he didn’t care, and Erwin had demonstrated long ago that he was  _ shit _ when it came to pulling away from Levi's embrace. Standing there like that, the light, brief presses of their lips gradually grew into something more eager and insistent and promising, and with thoughts of what was going to happen next going through Levi's mind, he knew that it was probably beyond time for them to head home. 

“Ready to go?” Levi asked Erwin a few seconds later, after he'd found himself playfully nipping at his bottom lip and began to feel the first signs of arousal when Erwin gripped his waist tighter in response. 

Rubbing at his chest, Levi looked up and met Erwin’s now lidded gaze — his eyes noticeably hazy and a bit lustful too — and felt his heart skip a beat excitably when Erwin nodded, an adorable,  _ promising _ expression of determination settling across his face as he then helped Levi into the car. Practically darting around the front of the vehicle next so that he could climb into the driver’s side, Erwin got settled and they were on their way, his speed somehow remaining under the limit while he drove. Imagining Erwin’s patience to be contained only by a thin dam that had been springing leaks all day right then, Levi had to give him a bit of credit for that, of course, as well as for his apparent commitment to not break any traffic laws while he took them both out of the city and back to Levi’s house. 

As he did so, Levi watched the bright lights gradually dim as they got closer to the suburbs and then went even farther past that, gazing out the window and finding that the slow appearance of the stars somehow helped the atmosphere in the car to remain somewhat peaceful and without urgency. Obviously, that didn’t mean that it wasn’t thick with heat or tension or anything like that either, though, because Levi could feel that in the way Erwin squeezed his palm after he’d reached over to grab his hand, in how he very quietly and subtly sucked in a small breath when Levi grasped his arm and started to idly run his fingers along his covered skin too.

The anticipation was heavy inside him, of course, but he found himself reflecting on everything while they rode along anyway, a happy contentment settling inside him while he relived their dinner and thought about how well their relationship really and truly seemed to be going so far. He didn’t think he would ever get used to it, he thought, because he had gone so long without, but honestly he hoped he wouldn’t, as doing so would might cause him to take for granted what he had found with Erwin. That was the last thing he wanted to do, of course, because he was amazing and had changed Levi’s life for the better and he didn’t want to forget how lucky he was — something that helped him hold onto his control even more, too, as he knew that tonight would be….well, special, obviously, because their time in bed together would never, ever be like it would that night again.

That wasn’t a bad thing, of course, Levi knew, but it  _ was  _ a big deal, and it was the only instance that he’d be able to share something so intimate with Erwin for the first time in his life, the only night where it would well and truly actually be  _ this  _ meaningful because afterward he would know what to expect. Basically, he knew, someone could only have  _ one  _ first time, of course, and it would be stupid not to savor it, he thought, finding himself looking forward to enjoying the ultimate emotional connection he was going to be making with Erwin as much as he was the physical.

It was probably the first time in his life that he’d felt like that, Levi thought, but rather than intimidate him or anything he just felt happy, lost in the moment already and nearly in a daze because of how excited he was for this to happen. From the way Erwin quietly walked him to the door after they arrived back at his house,  _ he  _ seemed to be deep in thought about something too, the expression on his face and the way he hung back in the kitchen confirming it a few moments later once Levi realized he was just gazing at him in place rather than actually following him.

He was watching him move, really, Levi saw, with his hands in his pockets and his features set into something that was not unlike warm fascination, his eyes widening slightly after Levi had set aside the roses and turned back to look at him. Giving him a small smile as Levi raised an eyebrow, Erwin’s face was already as pink as it could be, he thought, and he watched the muscles in his throat move as he swallowed too, suddenly glancing away a second later before he took a deep breath and shifted to finally meet Levi’s eyes again.

“Levi.” He said, stepping forward before abruptly stopping. Opening his mouth to speak and then closing it again before he could, Levi was aware of his sudden nervous demeanor, briefly wondering if it was just his harmless jitters about what they were going to next or if it happened to actually be something else. “Ah….before we do anything else, I….I have something I wanted to give you.”

Feeling surprised at that, Levi’s heart fluttered in his chest too as Erwin stepped forward again, watching him curiously while he approached him and slowly withdrew his hand from his pocket. His fingers were closed around something, he saw, which was obviously whatever it was that he was going to give him, but seeing as how he hadn’t expected anything like this, Levi had absolutely no idea what it was going to be. Still, despite that, he at least got the sense that whatever it was, it was going to be important because of Erwin’s serious demeanor — important, he thought before he could fret, not necessarily  _ bad  _ — finding himself grasping one of Erwin’s arms when he reached for Levi with one hand, holding the palm of his other out so that he could take what it was that Erwin wanted him to have. 

The first thing Levi felt after that, after Erwin opened his fingers and deposited the thing into his hand, was cool, hard metal, all of it very light but no longer than the size of Levi’s pinky. After that, the  _ second  _ thing he felt was Erwin’s gaze on him as he moved away and Levi immediately saw a standard looking bronze key, the sight of it causing his brows to lower in brief confusion while he took it in before Erwin finally spoke. 

“It’s a key to my apartment.” He explained, smiling a bit sheepishly now, Levi saw, but with less nervousness nonetheless. “It’s not a real gift or anything, but I wanted you to have it.”

“Oh. Uh—

“It’s not because I’m expecting you to go there, though, because you wouldn’t want to. It’s a mess. I just….ah, well, you mean a lot to me like I told you before, Levi. When I moved here, I was by myself. I didn't know anyone, and no one wanted to hire me, either. I felt like I would never get into school and I wasn’t doing well, and I was starting to think that coming here had been a mistake. But then I met you and….and after everything, I suppose I just wanted to make sure you know that you’re always welcome in my life no matter where I am, because that was how you’ve always made me feel too.” 

While he’d been listening to all of that, Levi’s eyes had steadily grown wider the more Erwin went on. For a moment after, too, he could almost scarcely believe that he had heard him right, that all of the sweet, caring words he’d said to Levi had actually come out of his mouth. No one had ever,  _ ever  _ told him anything like that before in his life, he knew, and a thousand thoughts rushed through his mind almost at once while it sunk in, gratification being among them because  he’d made Erwin happy — Levi’s chest ached at the thought of him being the opposite,  _ ever  _ — but also awe that he’d somehow managed to do so in the first place. 

He’d known that Erwin had been without friends when they’d first started getting closer, of course, because Erwin had told him as much, but this admission clearly implied that he’d been dealing with a lot more than that too, that he’d been struggling with it and stuck in a rut that somehow — according to him — meeting Levi had helped him out of. Obviously, seeing as how he’d been pretty messed up too when they’d first encountered each other, he felt the exact same way about Erwin, knowing for a fact that if he hadn’t come into Levi’s life than he’d still be just as miserable, lonely, and self-imprisoned as he’d been before. Erwin was helping him to get better every day he knew, because already he made Levi happier than he’d thought he could ever feel again, and….well, because he felt so strongly for him too, because he  _ knew  _ that he was falling in love with him and that he wanted to be as close to Erwin as he could get.

Hearing how Erwin really, truly felt about him too was enough to nearly sweep Levi off his feet because of that, causing warmth to crest through him too, he thought, fondness and elation and awe making his heart feel like it would burst, his eyes darting from Erwin’s sincere expression to the key he held in his hand — the key that Erwin had given him which he now knew basically symbolized everything that he’d just told him. It was like….it was like Erwin was opening himself up to him completely, Levi mused, and inviting him to have a place in his life as much as he could instead of just into his apartment, and although it  _ was  _ a bit cheesy, he couldn’t help but feel like Erwin had just given him the key to his heart instead of where he lived. 

“Erwin…” Levi said then, unable to control the way his voice sounded a bit rough with emotion. 

He needed to respond to him, he knew, because Erwin was staring and his warm smile had started to falter as if he was worried Levi was not going to take this well or something, but he wasn’t sure how, didn’t know if he could find the words right then to tell Erwin how much he meant to him too. He wanted to, of course, needed to explain to him that he almost couldn’t imagine himself without Erwin in his life now and didn’t even fucking want to, but felt choked on the words, finding himself too overwhelmed to do anything other than, well….to propel himself forward so that he could give Erwin a kiss.

That would  _ show  _ him, Levi thought, even if he couldn’t say it right then, as would the way he wrapped his fingers tightly around the key in his hand while he did so, wrapping his arms around Erwin’s neck and all but flying up onto his tiptoes so that he could reach him. As soon as he moved, of course, Erwin bent as much as he could until their lips met, Levi’s enthusiasm causing them to all but crash together so hard that for a second he swore he had felt teeth. Uncaring either way, though, he closed his eyes and opened his mouth and let out a shuddering breath when Erwin grabbed onto his waist to steady him, the support allowing Levi to hold Erwin’s body against him now by reaching up to drag his palm through a handful of blonde hair. 

Levi gripped it —  _ gently _ , though — and kissed Erwin deeply with everything he had, eagerly and with enough heat so that they were both panting within less than a minute, his lips moving almost desperately already as he sought to get as close to his chest as he ever possibly could. Unfortunately, because of the way they were just standing there in the kitchen the contact wasn’t enough, but with the way Erwin was clutching at Levi’s back and squeezing him so tightly that he felt it in his ribs, he found himself very, very sure that it thankfully would be relatively soon.

“Levi…” Erwin said then in between their near frantic kisses, breathing his name in such a way that Levi felt his heart clench inside his chest. 

“Take me upstairs.” He all but gasped in response, forgetting his thoughts of going slow from before as he very nearly pulled away to drag Erwin up there himself.

He couldn’t help it, he thought, because he just felt so close to him right then and in every single fucking way possible, finding himself, among many other things,  _ grateful  _ that they’d already planned on sleeping together that night, as after all of this, he was quite sure that was the only way to….well, to celebrate it, as it were, to revel in what they’d just revealed to each other in a way that would ultimately translate into pleasure. Levi wanted to connect with Erwin like that, he thought, to show him how he felt and to share  _ all  _ of himself and his feelings with Erwin, suddenly craving the intimacy of  _ that  _ as much as he did Erwin’s cock being inside him and buried up to the hilt.

“Does that mean you’re taking the key?” Erwin apparently needed to ask him before they got to that, though, speaking the words quietly in an effort to make  _ sure  _ that his gift had been received well first.

“Yeah.” Levi replied immediately, exhaling a bit in amusement because  _ he  _ thought that it was obvious. “Shit, yeah.”

He spoke against Erwin’s lips, of course, because they had still remained but a hair’s breadth away from his own — both of them were  _ loathe  _ to concede any space so that they could part by then — and let the hand he still held the key in fall from where he’d wrapped it around Erwin’s neck, reaching over to gently place it on top of his kitchen counter where he knew that it would be safe. Slowly drawing away so that he could see what he was doing too, Levi let his eyes gaze at the bronze edges for a moment as if he was trying to memorize every line of it, again feeling a swell of warm emotion go through him as the meaning of it continued to soak in.

“Yeah, I want the key, Erwin.” Levi said then, glancing back up at him and unable to hold back a smile at the one that had spread across Erwin’s face. “I want you. I want all of you. Fuck, please—

Before Levi could continue, Erwin moved and interrupted him, bending to pick Levi up in his arms so that he could step forward and carry him upstairs.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Erwin.” He said then, all but gasping his name when he pulled away. “If you’re really too nervous, though, we don’t have to do this. We can—
> 
> “No.” Erwin interrupted before he could finish. “I’m not too nervous. I want to do it. I want to give you what you want.”
> 
> “Okay. But you want to fuck me too, right? I mean….for yourself….because you want to feel good?”
> 
> At that, Levi felt Erwin’s breath ghosting across his skin as he huffed in amusement. He was smiling too, no doubt, and Levi saw his hunch confirmed when Erwin lifted his head up a moment later to meet his eye, a warm, fond look on his face that only intensified once he met Levi’s gaze. “Yes. I suppose there is that too. I want to be inside you. I want to fuck you. I think I want it more than anything else I ever have in my entire life.”
> 
> “Good.” Levi replied to that, hearing his voice grow a bit rough before he shifted a hand so that he could playfully pinch one of Erwin’s nipples. “Then keep going.”

The last time Erwin had carried Levi up the stairs, he’d stopped right at the threshold to his bedroom because he’d gotten overwhelmed. Now, however, he did no such thing, and instead made his way there with an almost single-minded determination, a tiny,  _ adorable  _ wrinkle appearing between his thick brows that seemed to demonstrate his focus. Part of it was because he was more confident than he had been back then, Levi knew, which made him glad, but it was hard for him to doubt that another part of it was because he was surely struggling not to become distracted with the way Levi was refusing to stay still in his arms, too. 

He wasn’t squirming  _ that  _ much, he thought, but he  _ had  _ wrapped his arms and legs around Erwin tightly and slipped a hand into his hair, grabbing at it with his fingers while his mouth found it’s way to Erwin’s neck. Kissing him there, he sucked sharply — purposefully trying to make a mark — and ignored the urge he had to press his lips to Erwin’s own again like he  _ really  _ wanted to, knowing that it wasn’t a good idea right then because the last time they’d been in this position and he did so he’d almost caused Erwin to trip on his own feet while going up the stairs. 

For obvious reasons — most of which were, of course, the fact that they were finally moments away from fucking — the last thing either of them needed was to fall down and break something and end up at the hospital instead of his bed, so Levi waited, managing to restrain his excitement until they were a few yards in front of his mattress before he finally began to wriggle out of Erwin’s arms. His feet hit the floor at about the same time that Erwin bent as if he’d planned on lowering him onto the bed, the resulting momentum and the fact that Levi immediately reached up to fist his hands in Erwin’s shirt causing them to all but tumble backward onto it in a heap. 

Blessedly, Erwin landed  _ almost  _ on top of him so that he was close enough for Levi to close the distance between them again, practically dragging Erwin's head down for the kiss he wanted so badly so that he could finally press their lips together again. Meeting rather forcefully, the movements of their mouths were hurried and a bit messy from the start, mostly because of how Erwin was trying to climb the rest of the way over Levi’s body so that he could fit himself between his legs. After a few seconds of what felt like near-desperate struggling he finally managed, the both of them somehow maneuvering until they were more in the center of the bed so that they could get more comfortably settled, too.

Like that, Erwin relaxed between his thighs and held himself up over Levi’s chest, the weight of his hips and of his middle against Levi’s own immediately causing him to melt underneath Erwin in response. Feeling excited all over again — thrilled, even, because of what was to come — Levi remained awash in the affection and happiness that he’d experienced downstairs too, all of his emotions and the rush up to his room causing him to feel a bit overwhelmed all over again. It wasn’t in a bad way, of course, it was just so thrilling and breathtaking and  _ dizzying  _ that he wanted to get his bearings, wanted to be able to focus and take everything in so that he could catalogue every single moment that passed in his mind, all of his thoughts on the matter meaning that he was content enough for a few moments to just lie there and kiss Erwin and hold onto him as closely as he could.

He was actually almost  _ clutching  _ at him, in fact, in a way that Erwin — heartwarmingly enough — echoed as well, his hands wrapped tightly around Levi’s thigh and bicep respectively as if he never wanted to let go. He was breathing hard too, Levi realized, panting, even, because carrying him up the fucking stairs all the way from the kitchen  _ surely  _ had not been easy, but that thought and the resulting ones regarding Erwin’s strength and the way he’d just  _ handled  _ him like that made it impossible for Levi to pull away even if he’d wanted too, instead causing him to arch his back so that he could press up against Erwin’s weight and greedily dig his fingers into his jacket.

Like that — still fully clothed and completely covered by another exceedingly large, exceedingly  _ energetic  _ man — it wasn’t long before Levi began to start feeling like he might overheat if he didn’t soon get undressed, despite the fact that their embrace had steadily grown a bit calmer over the past few minutes and didn’t quite feel so out of control. Wanting to be more comfortable, though, and to feel more of Erwin as well, Levi took the initiative to reach up and rub at Erwin’s chest and shoulders through his clothing, moving next to practically shove his jacket over them and down his arms before he then went for the buttons of his shirt. 

Making quick work of those too, he was blessed with a glimpse of Erwin’s ruddy face and mussed hair when he sat up for a moment to rid himself of the articles that Levi so very clearly wanted off, also noticing how wide his blue eyes were now that he had caught sight of Levi lying beneath him. At first, he just chalked it up to Erwin being excited and so turned on that it had caught him off guard — something that Levi could certainly relate to when he thought about what was to come. Then, though, after another second he wondered if it was because of something else, if they way he'd seemingly stiffened for a split second before falling back into his arms had been because he’d briefly felt overwhelmed and his former bashfulness was about to return. It was definitely a possibility, Levi knew, because he hadn't forgotten about Erwin's self-proclaimed nervousness regarding their plans despite all the….well, all of the  _ passion  _ that had already been established between them even if it was kind of cheesy to say, and had kept the thought that Erwin might need reassurance or encouragement in his mind so that he’d immediately be able to switch gears to provide it. 

That being said, though, he was perfectly content to proceed as he pleased until anything like that was actually happening, of course, and because he was  _ still _ not convinced that Erwin hadn't just been getting an eyeful a few seconds ago when he paused, he found his hands reaching for Erwin's belt buckle, only realizing for sure that the reality of what they were about to do must have hit him and made him nervous when Erwin then placed a hand over his waist again through his shirt. At first, Levi thought, he grabbed him firmly and squeezed him there, rubbing at him through his clothing while pressing eager kisses to his lips again, sliding his palm over Levi's stomach a second later too before he abruptly shoved his shirt up. Then, after that, Levi felt his fingers tickle along his bare skin before he pressed more firmly and then finally seemed to hesitate, the movements of his mouth suddenly becoming distracted enough for him to shift and then actually pull away.

“Hey.” He breathed, making sure to focus his eyes on Erwin’s face so that he could  _ really  _ search his expression. 

Looking at him, Levi thought, he didn't really  _ appear _ to be nervous except for the small furrow between his brows that went away when he met his gaze, one that he might have dismissed as concentration if he didn’t then suddenly feel a small,  _ noticeable _ tremor in Erwin’s hand. It came from the one he still had near Levi’s stomach, of course, the one that he'd used to push his shirt up further a second ago and that he'd left hovering above Levi's skin,  _ just _ close enough so that the tips of his apparently shaky fingers brushed against it in a way that caused Levi to immediately spring into action.    

“Hey, you’re alright.” He said, reaching up to cup both sides of Erwin's jaw with his palms. His goal was to make sure that Erwin looked at him while he spoke, of course, so that he could clearly hear what he was saying, but he allowed one of his thumbs to brush along Erwin’s cheek tenderly too, pausing for a moment to swallow down a bit of emotion first before he continued. “You’re good. You’re doing good, Erwin. Fuck, I want you so bad, and—

“I want you too, Levi.” Erwin interrupted, as apparently whatever he was feeling was not bad enough to keep him from making  _ that  _ statement. Swallowing, he paused for a moment after he’d said it and then lifted a hand to grab one of Levi’s, his gaze darting over him again quickly before he kissed his palm and gave him a tentative smile. “I’m alright. I’m fine.

“Are you sure?” Levi asked, raising an eyebrow when Erwin nodded. 

“Yes. It’s just….I still can’t believe you’re going to let me—

“Why wouldn’t I let you?” Levi scoffed, shaking his head at  _ that  _ ridiculous statement — even if it made his heart swell because of how endearing Erwin continued to be too — before he then pulled Erwin close again, gradually lowering him back down on top of his body so that their lips were a mere inch apart like they had been before. 

Wanting to kiss him again, he instead held back because he was now making a concerted effort to go slower for Erwin’s benefit, to make sure that he really was calm and comfortable with what they were doing. Carefully, he ran his hands along Erwin’s bare shoulders in a way that he hoped would be relatively soothing rather than anything else, feeling pleased when he felt Erwin all but melt underneath his touch and press his lips to Levi’s on his own. It was a soft kiss, he thought, but one that certainly suggested Erwin was  _ far  _ from losing his excitement to anything else because of the tantalizing way in which he licked into Levi’s mouth, lingering there and almost sighing when Levi reached up to swiped both of his hands through his hair.

“It’s gonna feel so good to have your cock inside me, Erwin.” He murmured in between their kisses too, pleased enough about how Erwin was responding to his ministrations to punctuate his words by gently biting at his bottom lip. Slowly, he bent his legs at the knee too and made sure that his thighs were pressed up against Erwin’s middle, squeezing his eyes shut then to keep from bucking when he  _ immediately  _ felt Erwin’s hard, clothed bulge brushing across his skin. “I’m the one that’ll come as soon as you stick it in.”

For all of the heat that was slowly being reignited between them again, Erwin paused from where he’d grabbed at Levi’s waist again to snort, an amused huff of laughter leaving his throat too as he also ducked his head down to kiss at Levi’s neck. Palming at his bare skin again more confidently, he seemed to have regained whatever focus that he had lost before as they continued,  _ his  _ hips even shifting once so that he could press his erection into the bottom of Levi’s ass when he started to squirm. In response, Levi arched his back and then sighed in pleasure when Erwin mouthed at his throat more eagerly, sliding one arm around his shoulders now while his other shifted so that he could gently grab at Erwin’s hand. 

“See how hard you’ve made me, big guy?” He said quietly while he did so, tugging at his arm and directing his palm down so that he could plant it firmly over his bulge. “That’s just from thinking about you fucking me. You’ve barely even touched me, Erwin, you—

Whatever Levi had been about to say next, it was abruptly silenced by Erwin’s mouth, which covered his own again with such force that it caught him by surprise, finding that his fingers dug into Erwin’s skin for a split second as if to find purchase before he relaxed. Like before, Erwin kissed him hungrily and in a focused, unrelenting way that had Levi struggling to bite back a smile himself, his lips curling up into one eventually just from the renewed swell of excitement that went through him at Erwin’s returned determination. Moving to undo the buttons of his own shirt himself, Levi was pleased when Erwin’s fingers tangled with his to take over and then ran all over his skin once he’d gotten it open, touching him with no sign of any tremble now that they’d fallen into a steady embrace again. 

Still, though, despite the fact that Levi felt Erwin was fine now from the way he was acting, one small thought remained rattling around inside his head, one single, probably pointless thing that he wanted Erwin to know before they went any further.

“Erwin.” He said then, all but gasping his name when he pulled away. “If you’re really too nervous, though, we don’t have to do this. We can—

“No.” Erwin interrupted before he could finish, his voice coming out so gruff, so low and forceful and  _ certain  _ that it almost made Levi shiver, the heated resolve he could see in his eyes now doing a lot to cause his mouth to nearly go dry too. “I’m not too nervous. I want to do it. I want to give you what you want.”

Feeling his eyes widen a bit at that, Levi’s gut twisted with a sudden jolt of arousal, his lips parting in what might have been a silent groan at Erwin’s words.  _ Fuck _ , he thought,  _ fuck _ , hearing about how determined Erwin was to fuck him caused heat to prickle along his skin like a spreading fire, the intensity of it growing enough in the next second to almost cause him to feel a bit feverish. That was from his need, of course, because he did, in fact, ache for Erwin to give it to him by then, but what about Erwin? He wasn’t just doing this because it was what Levi wanted, right?

“Okay.” He managed to breath out a moment later at that thought, sliding his fingers into Erwin’s hair when he lowered his head to nibble and kiss at Levi’s jaw again. “But you want to fuck me too, right? I mean….for yourself….because you want to feel good?”

At that, Levi felt Erwin’s breath ghosting across his skin as he huffed in amusement. He was smiling too, no doubt, and Levi saw his hunch confirmed when Erwin lifted his head up a moment later to meet his eye, a warm, fond look on his face that only intensified once he met Levi’s gaze. “Yes. I  _ suppose  _ there is that too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. I want to be inside you. I want to fuck you. I think I want it more than anything else I ever have in my entire life.”

“Good.” Levi replied to that, hearing his voice grow a bit rough before he shifted a hand so that he could playfully pinch one of Erwin’s nipples. “Then keep going.”

He bared his throat too, of course, and spread his legs wider as if he was surrendering himself over, his inviting movements having the overall effect that he’d hoped for when Erwin immediately lowered his head again to kiss at his neck. He did so eagerly, Levi noticed, and with an excitement that was positively infectious, the air between them seeming to become more and more charged by the second as their pace again grew into something desperate. By then, they’d lost themselves in it so that all the talking had ceased and Levi was only aware of how much clothing remained on their bodies, his need to remove it all causing him to squirm a bit underneath Erwin’s bulk.

He fumbled at Erwin’s belt buckle again while he did so and then shoved his hand into his pants to grab at his cock, relishing in the breathy exhale that Erwin let out when he wasted no time in wrapping his fingers around it. Pleased when his hips twitched too, Levi lay still for a few moments so that he could stroke Erwin like that, biting his lip when he felt Erwin’s parted ones brushing across the skin of his neck in what seemed like a silent gasp. A second later, though, and he was sucking sharply at a spot just above his collarbone and digging his own fingers into Levi’s pants, tugging at them once in a way that obviously meant he wanted them off.

Considering that he did too — his hair was damp from sweat by then — Levi undid them himself and sat up so that he could gladly toss away the jacket and shirt that was still hanging off his arms too, watching as Erwin rid himself of his pants and underwear until they were both completely naked. Then, Levi twisted and wriggled backward a bit so that he was lying on the pillows instead of horizontally across the bed, licking his lips as Erwin crawled back toward him in anticipation of feeling his mouth pressed against his own again. Instead of that, however, he found himself exhaling when Erwin stopped once he reached Levi’s belly and began to kiss over  _ that  _ patch of soft skin, sliding an arm up under one of Levi’s legs so he could grasp his thigh and abruptly pull them apart. 

Within seconds, he’d marked a wet, messy trail downwards so that he could suck Levi’s cock into his mouth without skipping a beat, wasting no time in starting to bob up and down either while Levi curled his toes into the sheets with a shaky gasp. His jaw dropped too and he felt his eyes flutter shut as a rush of pleasure immediately engulfed him, finding that his fingers reached for Erwin’s hair almost on their own because of the sudden need he’d gotten to have something to hold on to. Arching his back, he couldn’t help but whimper and let out a breathy moan because of just how  _ eagerly  _ Erwin had started to work him with his mouth, the pace he set with his lips and tongue after swallowing him down giving Levi no change to even  _ try  _ and catch his breath whatsoever. 

_ Shit. _ He thought, practically shuddering in bliss at the warm tightness around his length. It felt so good, really really  _ good  _ because Erwin was fucking skilled at it as if he’d been sucking cock for years rather than less than 90 days, and although he was still, of course, nearly bursting with anticipation for the main event, he had no desire to hurry things along right then when his boyfriend’s blonde head was so thoroughly ensconced between his legs. Opening his eyes a bit, Levi watched him bob up and down with a furrowed pinch between his brows that showed how much he was concentrating, the sight causing a swell of affection to warm his chest because of how Erwin  _ always  _ tried as hard as he could to make things good for him. 

Gently scrubbing his fingers over Erwin’s scalp, Levi massaged at the base of his neck too as if to show his appreciation, moaning lightly again when Erwin hummed in pleasure in response and he felt it vibrating through his cock. He swore, too, when Erwin halted his movements for a second so that he could teasingly suckle at the head, thinking, then, that the only problem with this scenario was that he wasn’t able to touch Erwin back. Before he could do anything about it, however, he found himself exhaling noisily when Erwin suddenly slid the tip of a wet finger inside his ass, the surprising, unexpected sensation of it causing him to stiffen for a moment before he relaxed. 

“Are you alright?” Erwin asked, of course, from where he’d finally lifted his mouth away from Levi’s cock to look up at him. 

He was watching him, Levi saw, his lips and chin glistening because of what he’d been doing and his eyes dark with lust, a heated expression on his face too that somehow didn’t take away from the consideration in his voice. 

“Yeah.” Levi replied then, because  _ of course _ he was alright. He was  _ more  _ than alright, actually, because the introduction of one of Erwin’s fingers into his ass felt good, of course, but also because it seemed to indicate that all of the idle, teasing foreplay was over — not that this didn’t count as that necessarily either, though — and things were about to be really heading for the main event. Obviously, that was because even if Erwin went slow to drag out the pleasure for him his  _ ultimate  _ goal in using his fingers like this would be to open Levi up for his cock, a thought which seemed to excite Levi all over again, causing him to suddenly feel a wave of urgency and impatience as he had before while he abruptly reached for Erwin’s shoulders. “Yeah, come here.”

Grabbing at him, he tugged a bit to indicate that he wanted Erwin back up above him again, letting his arm slide around Erwin’s neck when he complied and removed his hand from between Levi’s legs for a moment so that he could readjust. Right away, Erwin pressed his lips to Levi’s own again in a kiss that he reciprocated heatedly, drawing his brows down in concentration because he’d  _ also  _ reached his other arm out over the bed to find the lube. It was on the nightstand, he knew, right under his lamp and taken out earlier that day specifically for this fucking purpose, but even with the image of where he’d put it in his head he still managed to knock a few other things around before he located it.

Once he did, though, he grabbed it and then squirmed underneath Erwin so that he could shove it into one of his hands and pull back to meet his eye, a meaningful glance passing between them as if they both silently realized that this was  _ it. This  _ was the last step they needed to take before Erwin would slip his cock inside him and they’d finally be doing the one thing that they’d both been looking forward to so much, the one thing that Levi knew could help them share all their physical and emotional closeness together at the same time. It would be intimate, he thought, and satisfyingly pleasurable, and while looking at Erwin shortly before he kissed him again, Levi did not think that he had been more ready for anything else in his entire life.

He didn’t have to vocalize that for Erwin to know, either, because he no doubt felt the same way and could sense what Levi was thinking, and so while they kissed he skillfully popped open the cap on the lube and managed to slick up his fingers, rubbing at Levi’s entrance next to apply a liberal amount there too so that he could ensure he had enough. Feeling his thighs tremble from Erwin’s touch, Levi grasped at his shoulders and let his head fall back into the pillows, rubbing at Erwin’s shoulders and chest encouragingly while he again slipped a finger inside him. As he did so, he turned his head so that he could see what he was doing with the same furrow of concentration in his brows that Levi had seen before, which Levi couldn’t help but use his thumb to smooth down after he’d reached up to cup Erwin’s cheek even as he panted in pleasure. 

The touch made Erwin meet Levi’s gaze again, his brows almost raising questioningly even as Levi glimpsed a small spark of excitement behind his slightly widened eyes. Upon glimpsing it, Levi was unable to hold back a smile, giving Erwin half of one that was lopsided because of how he was gasping but that he hoped conveyed how much he was enjoying this too. If the way Erwin kissed him response said anything then it thankfully did, as he was soon unable to do anything else but moan when Erwin began to ease a second finger inside him. It went in easily, of course, because Levi was relaxed and ready for this and had no problem with taking two anyway — even _ if _ Erwin’s digits were thicker and longer than his own, delightfully enough — knowing that even if he hadn’t been, Erwin’s movements were smooth and careful, gentle while remaining certain because of the fact that he  _ had  _ at least done  _ this  _ before. 

He’d fucked Levi with all three of his fingers a lot of times by then, in fact, and had learned to read the signs of his body and of his sighs that would tell him when Levi was ready for more, something which he had discovered didn’t take very long — especially when he was this worked up and loose from already being pleasured. By the time Erwin added a third, in fact, Levi was breathing hard while he laid back with his eyes closed and eagerly rolled his hips, moving as if Erwin’s fingers were actually his cock instead, his brows drawn down tightly while only focusing on the pleasure. 

He felt so stretched already, he thought, and full, and if he lifted his ass up in the right way Erwin would brush against his prostate which him gasp sharply each time, always causing him to squeeze at where he held on to Erwin’s arm too as if he would lose purchase. Unable to keep from thinking about how it would all feel even fucking better than that once Erwin was finally inside him like he wanted too, though, Levi only allowed himself to enjoy his fingers as long as it took him to be sure that he was truly ready, jerking his hips almost desperately a few more times once he was sure before he let his eyes flutter open so he could look at Erwin. 

“Erwin.” He said, gasping his name, sliding an arm up and over his neck again so that he could tug him down for a quick kiss. “I’m ready for you. Fuck, I’m ready. Come on.”

Uttering the last bit in a heartening manner rather than a bossy one, Levi watched Erwin’s expression closely as he stared at him for a moment and then nodded, swallowing at the same time and before he shifted to remove his fingers carefully. With his face set into a look that was so serious it almost bordered on grave — something that Levi found amusing and  _ cute  _ — Erwin then reached for a tissue to wipe his hands with, discarding it carefully on the bedside table while grabbing the lube again, and shifted so that he was settled on his knees between Levi’s thighs, all of his movements careful and methodical almost as if he considered each one a specific step that he was checking off as ‘completed’ in his mind. 

It was incredibly endearing, Levi thought, and caused him to sit up enough so that he could reach out to grab Erwin’s hip, rubbing at that and the top of his thigh encouragingly while he opened the lube again — there was no need for a condom, as they'd decided to forego them after discussing it and discovering that they were both perfectly healthy — and began to apply some to his length. Levi tried to meet his gaze and offer him a coy, lustful type of look too that would undoubtedly rouse his determination and his own arousal all over again, but instead he found his eyes going lidded and focusing appreciatively on Erwin’s cock, taking in the girth of it and the length, unable to keep from thinking about how it would reach deeper inside him than his fingers had ever even gotten. 

Biting his lip, he felt his cheeks heat up with warmth — although he doubted that it was noticeable considering how his skin was flushed red from head to toe by then — and only met Erwin's gaze again when he set aside the lube and cleaned his hands off once more. At that point, he was looking down at Levi too with his lips parted and his eyes slightly wide, the expression on his face something between searching and awed as if he was looking for permission and couldn't believe that this actually was  _ it _ , both things which Levi was all too happy to provide reassurance for by squirming suddenly so that his ass — and his entrance, hidden between his cheeks — was pressed right up against Erwin's balls. He threw his legs over Erwin's thighs too and grabbed at his waist, rubbing his palms over his skin before he wrapped his fingers around one of Erwin's wrists and opened his mouth. 

“Ready?” He asked, his voice coming out low and rough as he spoke. 

Even if he knew the answer would be yes, he thought, he wanted to make sure because Erwin was the one nervous about this rather than him, and of course, he would never go back on his promise to take things as slow as Erwin needed it. Just as Levi had suspected he would, though, Erwin nodded right away and indicated that it wouldn't be necessary, following Levi's lead when he then tugged at his wrist gently as if to pull him forward. 

Tangling their fingers together as Erwin caught his drift and leaned over him, Levi ended up with Erwin's palm pressing against his own right next to his head on the mattress, thinking that he needed to hold onto it himself at this point as much as he thought Erwin might. Still breathing heavily, Levi looked down between his spread legs at that thought and used his other hand to angle Erwin's cock so that the tip was positioned right up against his entrance, making it so that all Erwin would have to do to slip inside him would be to  _ push _ in just a few smooth strokes.

Giving Erwin's hand a squeeze as if to tell him to move, Levi was gripping it tightly for another reason a second later when he did just that, gently easing himself forward a bit while Levi lifted his hips. It was enough to cause an inch or two of Erwin's length to slip inside, and enough to make Levi exhale noisily, his breath leaving his lungs in such a sudden way it was as if it had been pushed out of him. Honestly, he thought, it probably actually fucking had because Erwin was so big and he'd already thrusted once more shallowly — a movement which Levi met eagerly, of course — to ease more of himself in, and because it was all bordering on overwhelming, as it was all Levi could do to think about anything other than how  _ good _ it felt. 

“Hah….fuck.” He breathed though, managing to look up at Erwin out from underneath fluttering lashes. Gasping when they rolled their hips together again — slowly before pausing, because Levi had to fight not to tense up while he adjusted — he found himself staring into Erwin's blue eyes a second later, after he met his gaze from where he'd been watching himself disappear inside Levi inch by inch, apparently, until Levi spoke. “Like that. Just like that, Erwin,  _ ah _ —

Levi's words were cut off when Erwin pulled back so that he could then push deeper, the resulting, intense sensation of it rendering Levi still for a moment as his mouth hung open in a silent moan. His back arched and his toes curled into the sheets, and it was then that Erwin, who'd been glancing back and forth from Levi's face to what he could see happening between his thighs as if he was  _ torn  _ about what to watch, let out a noise too, a breathy sound that Levi could tell was halfway between a bout of disbelieving laughter and a gasp. 

The sound of it, along with his wide eyes and the way his jaw hung slack so that he could gulp in air, made him seem almost amazed, Levi thought, and he couldn’t help but feel a swell of gratification from the thought of Erwin enjoying this so much already, unable to help himself from jerking his hips up more eagerly than Erwin had moved his own so that the rest of his cock finally slipped in all the way to the hilt. The sensation, although causing Levi to let out a whine, apparently affected Erwin even more, the suddenness of it seeming to make him all but collapse onto one elbow with a real gasp this time. He was trembling again, Levi noticed while he fought not to do the same — he was nearly moaned in satisfaction, in fact, because of how he practically felt stuffed from his groin to his belly — but rather than it being from nerves this time, Levi was quite sure that it was because of something else. 

“Okay?” He asked at that, receiving his answer right away when Erwin lifted his head from where he’d pressed it into Levi’s neck to give him a nod.

He smiled at him too, Levi saw, and let out another breathy, awed sounding laugh that made it impossible for Levi’s lips not to quirk up too, his heart suddenly skipping a beat in his chest from how endearing his reaction to all of this was. Clearly, Levi thought, he was happy and excited and maybe even a bit overwhelmed from the fact that this was finally, actually happening and how amazing it must have felt for him — feelings that Levi was experiencing too, of course, which caused his chest to warm with fondness as he suddenly wrapped his arms around Erwin’s neck and tugged him down for a kiss. 

They stayed like that for a moment, their mouths moving together excitedly, desperately, he thought, while they clutched at each other and Levi reveled in their shared emotions and how  _ close  _ he felt to Erwin right then, barely able to contain the exhilaration coursing through him that came from finally experiencing this newfound form of intimacy. Moving his hips in just the slightest, he broke away a second after when it caused Erwin to shift inside him and he couldn’t keep his head from falling back, his eyes fluttering again as Erwin’s went lidded while he swallowed. 

“Are you gonna come?” Levi said then, unable to help himself from teasing Erwin — he obviously wasn’t, but he’d yet to start moving either — both verbally  _ and  _ physically, finding himself clenching around Erwin's cock in a way that seemed to nearly make him jolt a second later. 

“No.” Erwin panted at that, smiling widely again after he glanced down once more to take in how he really was completely buried inside him. The sight caused him to exhale heavily, Levi saw, to let out an almost shuddering breath while his eyes brightened with something that gave Levi a thrill, finding that his affectionate emotions were quickly being overtaken by heated lust all over again. It coiled in his belly and nearly made him pant just from that alone, and suddenly, he thought, if Erwin didn’t start moving soon it was going to be hard for him to not roll them both over so that he could just ride Erwin’ into oblivion. “Somehow, no, for now. But….you feel amazing, Levi. You feel perfect, I—

Biting back a groan at that — Erwin’s words just made him feel that much more inflamed, even if he didn’t blame Erwin for wanting to savor it — Levi interrupted him by tugging his face down with both hands so that their foreheads were touching, unable to help himself any longer from clenching around Erwin’s cock again as tightly as he could. 

“Oh yeah?” He breathed, almost digging his fingers into Erwin’s scalp so that he could hold him still and stare into his eyes. “Then why are you just lying here? Are you gonna fuck me, or what?”

At that, Levi’s arms were nearly knocked back onto the bed from how quickly Erwin moved to lift himself back up and over him properly again, his knees effectively pushing Levi’s thighs farther apart and his ass to lift off the bed again. Still bracing himself with his forearms, Erwin wasted no time in giving a sort of an experimental thrust after that, a gentle, shallow one that still had Levi gasping loudly.

“Fuck.” He breathed too, grabbing at the sheets as the friction from Erwin’s cock lit his nerves on fire.

Because they’d been lying there for several moments — something that he wasn’t complaining about even if he  _ was  _ impatient because he didn’t blame Erwin for wanting to savor it — he was fully adjusted and there was no discomfort, only goosebump inducing pleasure and warm satisfaction when Erwin didn’t stop and kept moving instead, pulling out more each time so that he could then push back and bury himself inside of Levi all over again. 

“Fuck.” Levi gasped as he dug his heels into the mattress and began to match his movements too, lifting his hips and his head up for a few moments so that he could meet him and watch, remaining that way until Erwin jerked forward a bit harder, and struck somewhere so deep that it made Levi’s jaw go slack. “ _ Yeah _ , Erwin, like that. Fuck, that feels so good.”

Although Levi had not intended on running his mouth like he was a fucking porn star or something while they did this, he was inclined to give Erwin the encouragement just in case he even  _ dared  _ to think that he wasn’t doing this right, and because even if he hadn’t said that much he could already tell that it seemed to be spurning him on. Gradually, he moved faster as Levi continued to meet him thrust for thrust until they settled into a smooth, steady rhythm — so easily, Levi thought, that it was obvious that his prediction about it all coming naturally to Erwin had come true — one that finally drew the long moan out of Levi’s throat that he’d felt he’d been holding back since Erwin had first stuck it in.

“Shit, don’t stop.” He continued, breathing heavily through his mouth and arching his back. “Don't stop, Erwin, it feels so good. Oh,  _ fuck— _

Raising his legs, Levi wrapped them around Erwin’s waist and then moved his arms to do the same with his neck, pulling him down a bit roughly for a kiss that was as messy as it was desperate. The meeting of their lips was enough to silence Levi for a moment, he realized, but only for a few seconds, as no sooner had he dug his heels into Erwin’s back to grind himself against his belly than Erwin had ducked his head down to mouth at his neck, his teeth grazing over Levi’s skin a second later when he all but bucked into him and let out the first sound he’d really made all night.

It was a light moan, Levi thought, one that came out disguised as half an exhale too, and which caused him to whine in response, his eyes squeezing shut for a moment because of the way a flush seemed to prickle all over his skin at the sound of it. Pleasure had started to coil in his belly, tight and hot and the beginning of what he knew would be his release, and he wondered if Erwin was close, closer than that, even, because of the almost desperate sound he made and the way his shoulders suddenly tensed up like he was about to come. 

Assuming that he was — it hadn’t been long, but he didn’t blame him — Levi moved his hands as if to cradle Erwin’s head to his chest while he went through it, squeezing around his cock too and holding his hips up to allow him to let go and just pound into him if that was what he wanted. Rather than doing that, though, Erwin instead surprised him by pushing himself up with the heels of his palms suddenly, falling back onto his bent knees so that he was sitting up at an almost perfect right angle to where Levi remained lying on the bed. 

Because he hadn’t been expecting it, Levi went still as soon as he did so and watched him out from underneath his lidded lashes, taking in Erwin’s tightly drawn brow and the way that he was panting as if he’d just run a mile. He was almost squinting too, Levi saw, and didn’t move for a few moments like he  _ had  _ been about to come but was determined to fight it off or something, a thought that made Levi bite his lip and squirm while giving him a heated look, unable to stop the urge he had to tease him despite the fact that he didn’t think he  _ ever  _ wanted this to end. 

Thankfully, that nor the way he then pushed himself up onto an elbow to reach around and grope Erwin’s ass seemed to have no extreme effects, his shifting only causing Erwin to swallow before he gave Levi a half-smile and then started moving again. While he did so, the expression that lit up on his face — one that was happy and playful and relaxed all at the same time — caused Levi’s heart to skip a beat in his chest, a sudden thought rushing through his mind that was endearing enough to make his breath catch: not only was Erwin enjoying this because of the obvious pleasure, he realized, but he was having fun, too, reveling in the experience in a way that practically ensure neither one of them would forget it.

For obvious reasons, Levi was glad to see that he was, happy that it was going well and extremely gratified since  _ he  _ had really been the one orchestrating all of this because of his prior experience. Even more than that, he thought, he’d promised Erwin that it would be good no matter what and that everything would be fine whenever he got nervous about it, and it was nice to be proven right about something like that, amazing to see how Erwin’s concerns had melted away into pure enjoyment — especially since….well, since  _ he  _ was certainly enjoying this and having a lot of fun too.

“Erwin.” He breathed then, huffing out the words when he felt another electrifying rush of excitement, one that turned into a low moan too because of how Erwin was still moving inside him again.

He was back to going slow and easy, Levi thought, and careful just like he had been at the start, but this time instead of it being from uncertainty, Levi was pretty sure that it was because of something else, and that the something else was because he couldn’t seem to keep his eyes off of him no matter how hard he tried. Even if Levi didn’t already know Erwin had a penchant for watching him it would have been obvious right then, he mused to himself, because his gaze was roving over him from head to toe — or to the tops of his thighs, he supposed, where he always stopped to stare for a few moments so that he could catch sight of his cock disappearing — something that just happened to continue the thrill he was riding high on from how incredible all of this was. 

“Erwin.” He said again, pushing himself up onto one elbow so that he could see too, as he wasn’t about to deny that the sight wasn’t arousing either. Using the fingers of his left hand to grab at the bedsheets and those of his right to reach down so that he could stroke his cock — something that made him groan, as he apparently had not realized just how much he had been aching for it until just then — watching how his movements caught Erwin’s eye and practically caused the both of them to go lidded. “Does it feel good?”

Nodding once resolutely, Erwin’s next response to that was to thrust a bit harder, his gaze now snapping back towards Levi’s face when he let out another moan. 

“I should’ve known you’d wanna watch.” Levi continued at that, rocking up against Erwin as best as he could in his position. 

“I can’t help it.” Erwin replied, his lips curving up again in amusement as his hands slid from where he’d been holding onto his thighs to his waist. “You look beautiful like this. And….and, ah….”

“You like seeing your thick cock disappear into my tight ass?” 

The way Erwin’s eyes widened at that was almost amusing, Levi thought, even though he could feel his cheeks burning from having said it. He flushed and bit his lip and saw Erwin’s face darken too at his crude words — uttered on purpose, of course, because he  _ knew  _ that was what Erwin had been thinking — also feeling pleasure and arousal twist sharply in his belly because of how it seemed to cause him to move faster. Also, he realized, Erwin had tightened his grip on his hips and had discovered that he could pull him forward to meet his thrusts even when he was lying there still, something that not only felt amazing, but that also caused Erwin to let out a low groan of his own even as he nodded. 

“Yeah.” He said too, having gotten over his initial bashfulness or whatever he’d felt upon Levi uttering such lewd things to instead just embrace it, acting as if his words had spurned him on from how he suddenly started to roll hips quicker even as he jerked Levi’s ass toward him harder. 

It was fucking amazing, Levi thought, because he could  _ really  _ feel the force of each of Erwin’s thrusts traveling through his body whenever his lower belly smacked up against his ass like that, and he found his jaw going slack again, a harsh moan tearing from his throat when he lifted his hips just right and Erwin suddenly rammed against his prostate.

“Shit.” He swore, feeling his voice hitch while he became aware of Erwin’s eyes jerking upward to meet his own. Unable to stop the gasps from coming out now, Levi knew that if Erwin kept up like this — and if he kept stroking himself, which he hadn’t stopped doing — he would probably only last for a few minutes longer, wondering despite that, though, what Erwin might do if he kept talking. “Fuck, you’re so big, Erwin. It feels so good like that. Your cock….shit, you like watching yourself fuck me like that?”

Levi was not disappointed by Erwin’s reaction. Although his lips seemed to part wider and he actually closed his eyes for a moment while his entire face red again, he nodded and exhaled noisily next, increasing the pace of his thrusting so that he was  _ close  _ to slamming into him, the sensation of him driving in so hard and fast and  _ deep  _ proving to be enough to cause Levi’s head to fall back on the bed again. 

“Harder.” He found himself still moaning though, reaching out to grab one of Erwin's hands with his free one to give it a squeeze, knowing that he hadn't completely let go yet — he was stronger than that, Levi knew — wanting to preemptively reassure him  _ just _ in case he thought he had any reason to think that he needed to hold anything back. “You won't hurt me. It feels good.  _ Fuck _ , it feels amazing, come on. Fuck me harder, Erwin.”

“I'll come.” Erwin said in response, all but groaning the words as his eyes fluttered shut. 

He was getting close, Levi thought, because he could see how taut the muscles of his thighs and stomach — glistening under a sheen of sweat and flexing beneath his skin as he moved, the sight of which practically had Levi blowing his load right then and there — had gotten, something which just reflected what he felt too, how he could  _ really  _ feel his orgasm building up now, so much so that he knew he there was no way in hell that he was going to last much longer either. 

“Me too, Erwin.” Levi gasped at that thought, arching his back and practically shuddering as Erwin's hips jerked sharply. “I'm close. Show me what you've got, big guy, come on.” 

It did not take any more urging than that for Levi to get what he was asking for, something that was  _ good  _ because he suddenly found himself unable to speak. Suddenly, his jaw had gone slack and all he could do was hold on while Erwin really started pounding into him instead, the powerful slam of his hips and the hard drive of his cock striking at just the right spot to cause him to finally lose himself to the pleasure. Unable to hold back his cries by then, Levi's eyes squeezed shut while he continued to stroke himself as Erwin thrusted, the movements of his hand and the twitching of his hips becoming more and more desperate with each passing second. 

He could sense the tension growing inside him, he thought, hot and tight and making him feel as if he was spiraling higher and higher somewhere until he seemed to abruptly reach a plateau, experiencing one single split second of calm before everything then released in a dizzying rush that was so strong it was all he could do to remember his fucking name. Also, he came all over himself and moaned from the intensity of his bliss, practically going limp as his belly and groin and thighs seemed to shake with tremors that made his entire body feel warm and limp. It didn't help, of course, that Erwin hadn’t stopped thrusting and fucked him through it because he had not found his release yet, but it didn’t take much longer — perhaps a single second — before the way Levi clenched and unclenched uncontrollably around him was enough to do him in.

Forcing himself to open his eyes, Levi breathed in raggedly and was blessed with the sight of Erwin jerking his hips forward once more before his powerful rhythm faltered, his face — twisted in pleasure, with his lids squeezed shut and his brows drawn down tightly and his lips remaining parted in a silent moan — letting Levi know that he’d released too even before he let out a loud, breathy groan and shuddered for a moment, continuing to thrust lazily for a few more seconds until the initial intensity of it seemed to pass and he abruptly relaxed back onto his haunches. 

After that, he cracked one eye open and then the other to look at Levi, gasping for breath and rubbing his palms over his waist a few times — soothingly, as if he was apologizing for being so rough or something even though Levi had begged him too, he thought — before he wiped his mouth with the back of one arm and then pulled out carefully. Then, after that, he basically slumped over onto his side and gave Levi a worn-out looking smile, somehow managing to reach an arm out for him when Levi immediately shifted on the bed to crawl over and underneath it. 

He was more recovered than Erwin by then, of course, because he’d come first and he’d only had to lie back and take it there at the end anyway, and managed to move until he was lying on his side too right beside him, sidling up underneath Erwin’s arm and — unable to help it — reaching up to grab his face so that he could plant a firm kiss on his lips.  It was shaky, he thought, on both their parts because of the way their pulses were surely still pounding, but Erwin leaned into it anyway, opening his mouth so that he could lick into Levi’s as eagerly as he could while somehow managing to suck in a few breaths at the same time. It was uncoordinated and messy but it kept Levi excited all the same, the feeling no doubt echoed by Erwin, as once he finally pulled away, Levi saw that his eyes were still bright and wide and the expression on his face was one of happiness.

“How was that?” Levi asked him, panting the question even though he was pretty sure that he knew the answer already from the smile that was threatening to break out on Erwin’s face. 

As if to further emphasize what he was surely thinking and that Levi’s query was pointless, Erwin huffed out a breathy laugh and tightened his arms around him before responding. “Incredible. Amazing.” 

“Yeah?” Levi said excitably, barely able to bite back a smile of his own as satisfaction flowed through him all over again. 

Almost feeling mirthful, he hurriedly moved his hand to push a chunk of damp, blonde hair out of Erwin’s eyes, shifting so that he could lean over him after Erwin rolled partway over and onto his back. 

“Yes. It was unbelievable.”

“See? I told you it would be.”

“I know. You were right.” Erwin said, his eyes darting over Levi’s expression for a half-second while he reached up to grasp the back of his neck. “I have no problem admitting to that.”

At his words, the corner of Levi’s mouth had finally quirked up in just the slightest from the confirmation that Erwin had officially enjoyed having sex with him  _ a lot  _ — not that he’d been especially worried about it, though — but before it could spread any further, Erwin tugged him down for another kiss, a quick, firm press of his lips against Levi’s own that just continued to inflame the residual spark of excitement between them that had yet to actually go away. 

It was because they were both happy, he knew, and still soaking in the fact that they really had finally  _ gone all the way _ which seemed to be filling them up with….well, with glee, an electrifying kind that made them both unwilling to rest and keep their hands off each other even now after they had actually finished. The fact that Erwin had practically  _ grinned  _ into their kiss this time around didn’t help matters much either, as well as the way that he pulled back abruptly after only a second so that Levi was unable to get his fill. 

“Was it good for you too?” He asked when he did so, earnestly searching Levi’s expression with his eyes in a hurried manner as if he  _ needed  _ to hear his answer right away. 

With no reason for him  _ not  _ to give Erwin what he wanted, Levi bit his lip and nodded vehemently, feeling his chest warm with fondness and affection because of the fact that he apparently found it so important to ask in the first place. It was like he was making sure, Levi thought, which probably had a lot to do with how he’d been self-conscious about his performance over the past few days — and also the conscientious way that he always made sure Levi had enjoyed himself too — and which meant that there was no possible way that Levi wasn’t going to let him know that it had been.

“Yeah, Erwin. It was good.” He said, unable to help himself from lowering his head to kiss him again while he spoke. He still held Erwin’s face in his hands so it was easy for him to do so, and he nearly found himself climbing on top of him to get something started all over again before he caught himself. “ _ Fuck, _ it was good. I didn’t want it to end.”

“I didn’t either.” Erwin huffed in between the movements of Levi’s lips, his still breathless sounding voice prompting Levi to open his eyes so that he could meet Erwin’s.

He was trying to make sure that he wasn’t dying for air or something, he thought, because although both of their pulses and everything had slowed some Erwin’s still wasn’t back to normal. Suddenly worrying that he might be smothering him, Levi paused to take a look at him and then almost just as quickly forgot what he was concerned about, as the way his eyes and expression had apparently softened in the last few seconds caught him off guard. It made his heart skip a beat right away, of course, as it caused him to recall how amazing the emotional aspect of this had been as well, the closeness that he’d felt toward Erwin during those moments coming back to him in full force.

It had been palpable between them, he thought, which had just made it all the more intense — especially considering the fact that he almost couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt quite this content in his entire life. Briefly, he recalled the memory he’d had earlier of him looking up at his mother at the grocery store and wondered if he hadn’t since she had died, thinking that even though Erwin certainly meant something different to him, he had been comfortable and happy and safe with her around, the very same things that he was now experiencing as he soaked in the afterglow and curled up in Erwin’s arms.  

There was no one else he’d rather be with right then, he thought, and  _ no one _ else who he ever wanted to experience anything like this with again. He’d already been thinking, of course, that he couldn’t find any reason to not always want Erwin in his life, but after everything that had happened that night — including the date and Erwin giving him they key to his apartment, obviously, and all that he’d said to him before — he now just felt such a clear and calm understanding of it that he  _ finally  _ found the words that he’d been searching for earlier to tell him, to let him know what he thought about Erwin too and to verbally explain himself rather than just physically,  _ at least _ just a little more than he’d been able to before.

“Erwin…” He said then, speaking quietly and staring at a spot underneath Erwin’s chin while he idly ran his fingers up and down Levi’s back. Pausing and waiting for his questioning ‘hm?’, Levi shifted his head so that he could hear Erwin’s heartbeat before he continued, the steady rhythm of it somehow helping to keep him bolstered and focused so that he was able to choose his words carefully. “I’m glad we did this shit. I mean….I’m glad it was with you.”

“Me too, Levi.” Erwin said automatically, lifting his head up so that he could look into Levi’s face and give him a soft smile.

Glimpsing it after he flicked his eyes upward so that he could see Erwin too, Levi bit his lip while he felt his entire body warm in response, a pleasant flush sweeping over him that had nothing to do with embarrassment, for once, and more to do with how deep his happiness and affection was. “You….uh, you mean a lot to me too, Erwin. I didn’t have anyone before except for the damned kids, you know, and I didn’t know if I ever fucking would again. I was lonely too and I know I came off as some kind of asshole at first, but everything seemed hopeless....I was just….I was just fucking stuck, and I didn’t think I deserved it anyway because—

_ No.  _ Levi thought then, stopping himself before he could get started on  _ that.  _

He wanted to, he thought, and he could tell Erwin was hanging on every single word he said by the way that he’d remained sitting up and all but stopped breathing to hear him, but….it would ruin the mood….and he just….he didn’t think….

_ I can’t. _ Swallowing, Levi ignored the sudden,  _ unfortunate  _ kinds of emotions that were threatening to come up with that thought, and shook his head, sitting up so that he could look Erwin in the eye and tell him the point he’d been trying to make while saying all of this shit. “Thanks for sticking around, Erwin, and not fucking running away from me. I’m really glad you didn’t. You….um….you make me happy.”

By then, Levi had locked his gaze onto Erwin’s face so that he could see his reaction, and the smile that he gave him upon hearing that, the expression of sheer wonder that seemed to cross his face while he spoke, too, was enough to cause Levi’s heart to jump into his throat, some kind of lump forming there, at least, because of how obviously pleased Erwin was from his words. His gaze was soft, Levi thought, and his cheeks had gone pink and his dimples were showing because of how he was practically grinning now, and after a second of just staring up into his eyes, he gently cupped Levi’s jaw and swept his thumb over his mouth tenderly.

“Levi….you make me happy too.” He murmured then, one side of his mouth twitching downward after he spoke while he let his gaze sweep over Levi’s expression. It was quick and subtle and he seemed to be wrestling with a hint of uncertainty, Levi thought, but his smile returned almost instantly when he caught Levi’s eye again, his own brightening all over again before he took a breath and continued speaking. “You make me happier than I ever thought possible.”

“Me too, Erwin.”

“I wanted to say this earlier, but I wasn’t….ah, I wasn’t sure if—

“Say it.” Levi told him, biting his lip and reaching up to where Erwin was still holding his face so that he could wrap his fingers around his wrist, hoping to encourage him a bit because….well, because he didn’t even feel a hint of concern that what Erwin wanted to say would be anything bad. How could he, he thought, when Erwin was now looking the tiniest bit bashful even as his blue eyes remained bright and clear, the expression on his face actually causing Levi to hold back a small smile of his own while his heart started to pound in his chest? “Come on, you can say it. Tell me, big guy.”

“Well….I just….I think that I’m falling in love with you, Levi.”

Although Levi had suspected that whatever Erwin was going to say would make him feel good, he hadn’t for one second thought that he would say  _ that _ . Not that he minded, of course, because he sure as fuck didn’t because he knew the exact same was true for him, he just hadn’t known it was possible to suddenly feel even more happy and elated and  _ lucky  _ than he already had been just from the fact that Erwin had said a few words to him that….well, that he  _ knew  _ he hadn’t heard directed towards him in over a decade. 

_ Love. _ He thought, unable to keep his lips from parting in sheer awe as he repeated what Erwin had told him in his mind.  _ I think I’m falling in love with you, Levi. _

Feeling his mouth go dry and his face flush impossibly hot, Levi struggled with his racing thoughts for a moment, wanting to respond but unable to find the words for a moment to do so. Not even the thought that it hadn’t actually been a real confession of love could calm him down, because as far as he was concerned, it was close enough to it for him to believe that they were on the way to it, that his relationship with Erwin really, really was going to become something that would last. It was everything that he’d hoped for, of course, and although he hadn’t had any reason to  _ not  _ believe that their futures weren’t converging together, Erwin’s words somehow made it feel more real, as it was still a very serious admittance that Levi knew he wouldn’t say lightly. 

“Erwin.” He was able to force out then, after swallowing and pushing himself forward a bit so that he could give him a quick kiss. “Me too.”

“Really?” Erwin asked, a smile growing on his face all over again as he stared into Levi’s eyes. 

Nodding, Levi kissed him again and then another time, the presses of his lips growing more earnest as he went on. He wanted to push closer to him, he thought, to curl up against him and end up wrapped in his embrace again so that he’d have as much of Erwin surrounding him as possible, but even though he never wanted to stop kissing him either, he wanted to say for certain the exact thing Erwin had told him before just to make  _ sure  _ that he would know. 

“Yeah, really. I’m falling in love with you too, Erwin, and I have been ever since the day we fucking met.”


End file.
